What is a random headcanons you have of Kai? Like the type of headcanons that would make him seem really human and not like he's constantly a murderer or psychopathic.
KAI ANDERSON // headcanons
a/n: here goes.. but i fear heโs just as fucked up bc i was trying to be realistic ya know
judges people by their handshakes. a weak grip disgusts him, and heโll never respect someone with gross clammy hands.
watches old footage of leaders like hitler, stalin, or jfk to study their body language, hand movements. kai practices in front of a mirror until it feels natural. every gesture he makes while speaking is rehearsed. the way he waves his hands, points, or clenches his fists is meant to manipulate emotions.
practices subtle gestures (touching someoneโs shoulder, making intense eye contact) to make people subconsciously trust him.
enjoys watching true crime documentaries and infodumps about jonestown or heavenโs gate.
remembers oddly specific details about people but weaponises them later in arguments.
thrives on debates, especially when he can dominate someone intellectually. heโll derail conversations just to win, even if itโs about the dumbest shit like the best way to eat a subway sandwich.
has entire passages of nietzsche and shakespeare memorized, knows random latin phrases and sprinkles them into conversations to seem cultured.
hates losing at anythingโheโll rage quit a game of monopoly if itโs not going his way.
when fixated on somethingโa person, an idea, or a goalโhe becomes consumed by it. spends hours researching or strategising, often at the expense of his health.
has casually invested in bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. checks his coinbase and binance accounts obsessively. has strong opinions about dogecoin being a joke.
occasionally reads self-help books.
his library consists mostly of power-centric books. his favourites include the prince by machiavelli, the 48 laws of power by robert greene, the art of war by sun tzu, and nietzscheโs thus spoke zarathustra. also delves into russian literature like dostoevskyโs notes from underground and tolstoyโs war and peace.
collects super offensive internet memes in a private folder. posts pepe memes on 4chan ironically but secretly thinks theyโre funny.
leaves people on read for hours, just because.
desensitised himself to gore.
loves gta, rdr2 and civilization VI. played cod religiously in his incel days.
follows elon musk on x (formerly known as twitter) and admires him as a disruptor of society. or maybe itโs a tech bro thing idk. retweets his memes but also calls him a sellout for pandering to the masses.
loathes andrew tate for his shallow and illogical takes but agrees with 10% of his misogynistic rhetoric.
posts inflammatory tweets that toe the line between radicalism and satire, carefully wording them to avoid getting banned.
an avid user of letterboxd. some of his reviews are super scathingโbut for some reason, they always blow up. heโd open the app to find that his hate review on la la land got 7.2k likes. screenshot compilations circulate on reddit and instagram.
his letterboxd favourites are: american psycho, fight club, the social network and the matrix (all 5 star ratings)โbut claims he likes them for their philosophical depth.
his favourite show is mr. robot, saying elliot alderson is โthe closest thing to a genius on tv.โ he also likes the twilight zone and breaking bad.
obsessed with eminemโheโs been a fan ever since d-12. the marshall mathers lp are his go-to rage anthems. thinks lose yourself is the pinnacle of motivational music.
thinks kanye west is a misunderstood genius and frequently defends him online.
uses dark mode on every device.๏ฟผ๏ฟผ
apple loyalist. owns a macbook, iphone, and airpods because he appreciates their sleek and minimalistic design. calls android users โpeasants.โ
never charges his phone until it has like 2% left.
brilliant with techโcan hack into nearly anything. knows how to code in several languages, always staying on top of the latest tech trends and occasionally contributes to dark web forums.
builds custom pcs for fun. dabbles in coding and hacking. knows how to create computer viruses.
used to spend wayyy too much time on forums like 4chan, r/RedPill, r/foreveralone and r/incels, though heโs mostly active on subreddits like r/iamverybadass, and r/unpopularopinion. also lurks r/atheism just to mock people with religion.
frequently visits r/AmITheAsshole to judge people, always siding with the โbad guy.โ bro has the potential to be a criminal defense lawyer that the DA despises.
lowkey obsessed with angelina jolie, specifically from her tomb raider days. probably has a pinup poster stashed somewhere in his room.
uses arctic foxโs poseidon blue hair dye.
firmly believes in the efficiency of 3-in-1 body wash, shampoo, and conditioner.
wears dior sauvage because itโs โmasculine but sophisticated.โ probably bought it after seeing johnny depp in an ad.
when heโs in a mood, kai loves sneaking up on people to startle them. heโs perfected the art of standing silently in doorways until someone notices.
prefers dogs because theyโre trainable, loyal, and trusting on their owner. in other words they are easy to manipulate and control.
constantly rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck. itโs both a habit and a way to intimidate people.
his lust for power stems from feeling powerless in his youth, particularly after witnessing his fatherโs abuse to his mother and the lack of control he had over the situation.
struggles to process complex emotions like guilt, shame, or empathy. often suppresses them or redirects them into rage.
swings between grandiosity (believing heโs destined for greatness) and crippling self-doubt (thinking heโs fundamentally unlovable)
finds it almost impossible to open up emotionally unless itโs to manipulate someone.
criticism, even minor, eats away at him. heโll stew over it for days, replaying it in his head while devising ways to โprove them wrong.โ
gets uneasy if someone expresses affection without clear reasonโsuspects ulterior motives.
goes online to stalk whoever winterโs dating at the time. sends cryptic, vaguely threatening texts from a burner number or straight up dox them. half of it is for shits and giggles, the other half is rooted in jealousy.
heโs attracted to girls who are intelligent and opinionated. independent but emotionally vulnerable, so he can swoop in and โsaveโ them (he has a saviour complex). loyalty is non-negotiable, and she has to make him feel like her top priority.
anyone resembling winter is immediately his type, but heโd never admit it.
freakishly good at darts and chess.
knows how to pick locks and also, how to build a perfect pipe bomb.
his clown mask is inspired by satan in danteโs divine comedy (based on this convo with @porcelainlipgloss)
alternates between ice-cold showers and scalding hot ones depending on his mood.
drums his fingers or shakes his leg while sitting. can spin a pen around his fingers like a pro. learned it during boring college lectures and now does it absentmindedly.
canโt stand slow walkers, or when someone scrapes a fork on their teeth. his reactions to these are disproportionate and borderline hostile.
prone to road rage.
has read elliot rodgerโs manifesto once, mostly out of curiosity and boredom, but ended up getting weirdly immersed in it. he disagreed with the bravado and entitlement, thoughโhe finds it pathetic and would mock it, but still, he couldnโt put it down. deep down, he understands the mindset too well, which makes him uncomfortable.
selectively polite. says โpleaseโ and โthank youโ when it benefits him but will completely ignore social etiquette in other situations, like cutting lines or taking the last slice of pizza.
his workout playlist consists of nine inch nails, rammstein. aggressive rap like eminem (โtill i collapseโ is a staple) and dmx. sometimes mixes in orchestral movie scores (the dark knight rises soundtrack pumps him up)
brushes his teeth aggressively, so his toothbrushes always wear out quickly.
loves gas station beef jerky and bags of plain popcorn with way too much salt.
doesnโt drink often, claiming alcohol dulls the mind. but when he does, itโs always something hardcore like everclear or absinthe. has a surprisingly high alcohol tolerance.
can literally live off black coffee or monster zero ultra (white can). claims he doesnโt need caffeine, but drinks it constantly because he โlikes the bitterness.โ
his handwriting is pretty neat, but only when heโs focusedโotherwise, itโs chicken scratch.
loves the smell of gasoline and sharpies.
canโt sit his ass down during phone conversationsโkai paces back and forth like a caged animal.
rarely gets more than four hours of sleep.
and when he does sleep, he sleeps on his stomach with one arm dangling off the bed.
sleep talks under extreme stress.
secretly likes it when someone takes care of him. whether itโs bandaging a cut or insisting he eats when heโs been working too hard, he fucking melts. heโll complain about being babied, but itโs a front.
tfw you're almost over this guy you were obsessed with but then he posts a vid with his grown out buzzcut and his dumbass cheekbones and it's just disrespectful at this point tbh
paring. sugar daddy boyfriend!evan peters x fem!reader
a/n. slight (obviously legal) age gap, merry late christmas.
warnings. nsfw, smut w/ little-to-no plot, minors not recommended to interact, oral (m!receiving), blowjobs, ball fondling, dom!evan, sub!reader. wc. 1,081
โOh itโs beautiful,โ You murmur softly, a smile evident in your tone as you pulled theย Agent Provocateurย lingerie set out of the obviously high-quality bag.ย ย The set was exactly how you, and Evan, liked it: black, lacy, and skintight.ย
This was a common occurrence nowadays, receiving gifts from Evan. You were younger, almost controversially, and it seemed like it mattered to everyone except you two. The lace patterns between your fingers created a familiar feeling of arousal. But that was just the start. It only heightened upon hearing Evanโs deep-voiced command.
โI wanna see you in it..Put it on, baby,โ He said, a smile in his voice. He ran his hands through his hair with a small sigh, his leg bouncing rapidly in anticipation as he sat on the couch. You almost took pity on him, seeing his cock twitching beneath his jeans. After all, it was..interesting..to look at: A man, older than you, so desperate for you that he couldnโt sit still. how pathetic, you thought.ย
You giggle faintly, figuring youโd tease him. You shake your hips a little bit, the flow-y material of your short skirt swinging from side to side. Your fingers hook the waistband of your skirt, sliding it smoothly down your legs as you stood in front of him. His eyes sweep continually across the length of your body, taking in everything from the curve of your ass to the perkiness of your tits.ย
Your fingers slide to your top, dragging it teasingly upward to slowly expose your bra before discarding the shirt as a whole, off to the side, on the floor. You stood before him adorned in only your Victoriaโs Secret bra and panties set that he had bought you a few days before Christmas. You had paid him back with sex, like how you normally did.ย
After a bit of pulling and positioning, you had finally got the lingerie on properly. It took a few tries, but you finally got there. His eyes greedily washed over you, even more so over your lower body. Evanโs favorite part was how the panties of the lingerie were crotchless, meaning it would be easier for him to tease you. How you knew that was because that was the part he was staring at the most. Whether it was the fact that the panties were crotchless, or he just wanted your pussy, you couldnโt tell.ย
You knew what he wanted. It was your end of the deal. He bought you designer, luxury items you could only dream of before you met him, only expecting one thing in return: pleasure. You knelt down on the wood flooring of your apartment, fingers immediately scrambling for the buttons on his jeans.
โThatโs my girl,โ Evan chuckles, his large hands on either side of your head.ย
You let out a breathy, excited laugh, pulling the small zipper down. You dragged his jeans down to his ankles, and next his boxers. The excitement between the both of you during these moments was always evident, especially with you.ย
You exhale quietly, your fingers wrapping eagerly around his hardened member. You drag your hands gently over his cock, up and down in a gentle wringing motion. To be quite honest, you didnโt know what you were doing. You didnโt know what was too fast, too slow, if you were squeezing too hard or what hurt him, which was the last thing you wanted to do. Evanโs hands pushed your head down gently, being careful to not hurt your neck.ย
โCโmonโฆYou can do it, be a good girl,โ He said in a soft murmur. His large fingers tangled in your hair pressed against your scalp, your head being gently pressed down. You flicked your tongue out, licking a slow, wet stripe from the base of his cock, up to the now excited, reddish-purple tip. Your tongue moved in small circles around the slit, greedily lapping up the steadily flowing pre cum.ย
You a hear sigh escape from Evanโs lips, which almost immediately turned into a full on moan as your lips selfishly engulf his length, soft gags coming from the back of your throat. โIn through your nose, out through your mouthโ you repeat to yourself internally. Itโs not that you didnโt enjoy it, you truly did, it was just difficult to take with how big he was.ย
โYeah, baby..Attaโ girl..โ Evan mumbled, almost incoherently as his hands guided the motions of your head. Up, down, up, down, your throat bulging in the slightest with the girth. Your fingers reach for his balls, squeezing gently. That was definitely a new sensation to him, clearly shown by the way his hips jerked, causing him to thrust further into your throat.
โSuck, baby, donโt just sit there,โ Evan reminded gently, a small reminder that you werenโt to idle. When you didnโt listen to the first reminder, a gentle tug at your hair was administered to you to pull you back to what you were doing. You let out a soft, wet sound, vulgar as it was, to show you were listening as you got back to your task.
You could always tell when he was about to finish, especially by the way his hips would buck up roughly, causing his tip to hit the back of your throat roughly. You tightened your throat, your eyes shutting firmly. His fingers tightened in your hair, driving your head down firmly at the base of his cock.
โHnghโ Fuck- Oh, b-baby-โ Evan grunts out, ramming his hips up roughly in staggering motions. Your eyes shoot open, feeling a warm, slimy liquid squirt against the back of your throat, sliding down softly. You pull back,
his length taking its time to stickily slide its way from between your lips, strings of his deliverance being the only thing connecting your lips and his cock.
Evan hums softly, his fingers massaging your scalp. He lets out a soft chuckle, his large hands drifting to cup your face. His eyes looked over your face, your half lidded eyes, lips sopping with cum and spit which was dripping down your chin. How pitiful.
โWhoโs my good girl?โ Evan questioned huskily, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He ran his thumb across your lips, making a half-assed attempt to wipe away the liquids.
โMe,โ You whimper, letting out a tearless sob.
โMm..You did so good for me, baby..โ He chuckled, brushing some hair out of your face. โHow about we get you cleaned up, huh?โ
what if u were DISGRACED and BI and a little bit of an ALCOHOLIC BRAT and the government hired u to decrypt a weird SPACE MESSAGE from the FUTURE and then u started seeing weird TALL MEN EVERYWHERE and then u realized u had a PAIN KINK and developed a new sense of MORALS but then u DIED (but Not Really)
i need to get into a relationship so bad or iโll die also i donโt think i believe in romance at the moment but also i need to make out with someone. and i need to get divorced too
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