We're All Afraid Of The Dark.

Nothing lasts forever, some things aren't meant to be.

[lostwond-ers]

Alone, we are complete.

Together, we are profound.

[stargazerinmoksha]

i think it’s supposed to hurt in one way or another. awhile back i closed off every single door and pulled the curtains over all of the windows inside the room of my heart, just to not get hurt again and that’s not good. it’s not healthy. it’s definitely a defense mechanism that does work in one way or another, but it doesn’t make things better. you do survive, but at what cost? maybe it started earlier. way early on in my life when i used to be scolded at for something as small as a broken cup because i was clumsy, passive aggressiveness and cold shoulders do not equal love. i know that now. i had to learn. i had to hurt people like that. i had to be completely unreasonable and unwilling to believe that i could find love again. you are exactly where you need to be in life because of your choices and actions or even the choices you chose not to make, even inaction or the inability to choose right. because what’s the right choice when you’re breaking a heart? what’s the wrong choice to healing yourself and being a little selfish? life isn’t a linear path and maybe that’s why i’ve always been emotionally invested into open world/ sandbox games. you can build from scratch, there is no quest greater than the one you’ve deemed worthy of the title impossible, but fuck it, i’m still going to try it. so when i look into your eyes while i kiss you, i know that a part of you will always remember it when i’m not around and you’re thinking about me. in the same way that if i’m ever walking around downtown somewhere, i’ll still smell your specific aroma in the air. it’s sweet, but not overwhelmingly so. do you remember the first time i pushed you on a swing-set last december and you screamed that you were so happy? i cherish that moment with every fiber in my body and i shake and squirm when i think about that big smile. i still feel at peace with that memory and maybe that’s what love is. remembering. forgiving. having a clear understanding that no matter what, i’m always going to love you even if we make each other cry sometimes. even if we’re not always smiling. even if we’re not always in a good mood. you need to have a certain level of unconditional love in your life. you have to give that to the world to receive it and it’s been a long ride, but i think i’m removing the locks and letting the cold air seep into my bones. i want to feel the cold. i want to feel alive. you know what i love about you? we’re spontaneous. anytime i ask you to do something crazy, you’re fucking down. like i’ve always wanted a best friend like that, but i didn’t know i’d get a lover with that person too. it’s doing the little things together. life doesn’t always have to be so sad and dreadful— love adds meaning to it and i know it’s just another one of those poems, but what are we if we’re not searching for a connection and meaning behind those dark brown eyes that scream out to us? that attracts us. that magnetizes us. that pulls us closer and asks us—

— “what does love feel like again?”

[teacup13-deactivated20200319]

I only ever knew I had a

heart when I felt it breaking,

sometimes I disappear, but I

never leave, I want to kiss you

once more, or twice, or

forever, one of the things I

love about you is everything -

ha your heart ever bleed so

much that time froze in the

memories flowing through it?

he’s the kind of beauty you

miss even if you've never met,

I didn’t realize how much I

could love until I

met you

[wordsbyt]

If I told you I loved you, and I promised no one knew, would you love me too? If I told you I was done, with the love games just for fun, would you make me the one? And love me? Just me? If I showed you this today, and swore that I would stay, to love you, could you love me the same way? Love me? Would you love me too? Like I love you?

[i-wrotethisforme]

When you finally find the right person I think nothing else in the world would matter- no other people that broke your heart or didn’t return your calls, all your maybes, could haves, wish it would haves- nothing. So that person you can’t get over is meaningless and one day you’ll see that. Trust me, you didn’t let the perfect person go because if you don’t still have them, that means they weren’t the perfect one. Because the perfect one won’t leave. Perfect is forever, and forever doesn’t mean you’re obsessed with them and they don’t love you back. Soulmate means you’re meant for each other in every way down to your core. And maybe you’ll never find your one, but they’re out there and you didn’t lose them.

[stargazerinmoksha]

words to fall asleep to

somewhere out there, someone’s waiting for you to meet them. and how can you meet them unless you’ve had a nice rest? sure it’s hard to fall asleep sometimes, but gentle now and let your dreams dream and let your body rest easy

your smile is my favorite way to start the morning, you know i have a mental collage of them. i think the one i revisit the most isn’t even a visual one, it was the first time i heard your voice— did you know that you can hear a smile? that’s the craziest feeling, to know that you made someone smile without even seeing it. without a doubt, my most favorite version of lips and teeth dancing because happiness came easy and it’s a trip because i couldn’t even see it, but i just knew. that makes me happy.

through the ups and downs, every single day i fall in love with you more and more. i’ve been closed off for so long, at one point i even considered myself to be unlovable. but everything changes. everything is temporary. nothing lasts forever. i get it. i really do. so this shared freedom of ours, to love each other as hard and as gentle as we please— i want to feel it. all of it. i don’t want to miss any seconds. i don’t want any refunds or rain checks. i want to be present. i want to be here even if you’re so far away.

i think the craziest thing about a long distance relationship is the initial fear of not knowing if you’re going to like the person when you meet one another in person— would you like to hear the best part? i never had that fear, not really. i kinda always knew, i just knew. knew that we’d be good to one another. knew that we’d build bridges to see one another. knew that we’d be okay, that we’d be safe.

your eyes hold the weight of the sun as they drown back into the horizon— and by sunrise or sunset, you’ll always be ready for the day. regardless of how it ends, regardless of how it begins. your love is all that i want to know like how the sun will always brighten up the day, i don’t want to be a heart attack, i want to be an involuntary thing to you. a breath. a pulse. an effortless means of loving someone, if at all possible, i want that.

i want you, a part of me will always want you. and it’s nice to know that we have that in common.

[stargazerinmoksha]

it’s raining,

so i miss you starts at 8:29 am, i could fall asleep right now, it’s so peaceful and i’m thinking about you.

trust and truth, my lover you see through all of my flaws— “you exist differently” your favorite thing to say to me, you’re the kind of weather that gardens love

i’ve been learning about myself as of late and i’ve realized a few things, jealousy… it doesn’t feel good. but i guess a part of my fears of losing you is something that i’m trying to let go of because baby, love doesn’t last forever and that’s okay. i want to let go of all the anxiety, the sadness, the grief, the pain. i want to accept them wholeheartedly. you will not hurt me, because i trust you won’t. you have my heart, you have it all.

i can hear the thunderstorms closing in, i wonder if you’re having a sweet and soft dream about your favorite places— do you think that the universe tries its hardest every single day to bring us together? i can only hope that there’s divine intervention happening somewhere, but humans being humans can also be something familiar enough for us to stay. just kiss me wherever you need to, i’ll be right here

it’s 8:37 am and my mind is running wild, hey, do you remember when we walked downtown late at night and got lost in the city? i can still hear your laughter, i can still see my smile. let’s get back to that sometime soon, yeah?

i think i have a terrible time keeping secrets away from you because i’m so excited to talk to you, to tell you that i’ve been thinking about you, it seems you also have the same problem

you say that it takes courage to own up to your mistakes, i don’t want to live a life of shame. my heart raised high, my soul open wide, my love attached to your heartstrings, they say that unknown locations are the best vacations— get lost with me anywhere, anytime and i’ll fall in love with you more than enough times

your intuitions are correct, always. i just wanted to tell you that. i think you have a hard time trusting yourself sometimes because of the way that you’ve perceived the world from your youth— trust that thing beating inside of your chest, it knows. i promise.

you’ll always be my favorite way to experience love, light-hearted and tender, rough on the edges when necessary, but all things great fire-started by your constant need to know if i still love you.

i do. i do still love you. we’re alright, sweetheart. we’re going to be alright.

and if the rain stops, and you’re awake while i’m asleep, i just wanted you to read this and know that it’s authentic and genuine.

thank you for being my best friend, even if we’re no longer a couple so day, even if we do prove that things can last forever. you know something?

it’s going to be a grand adventure regardless of our outcome.

i just wanted you to know that you’ll always have a home, right here. whenever it rains, and you’re reminded of me— i won’t be too far away. i’ll be wherever the flowers grow. and you’ll be right where the sun kissed the sky, i’ll be waiting there for you.

[ninasdrafts]

“i hope we will forever remember this one moment feet dangling in the air, hands clasped tightly in your lap my thumb lazily drawing circles on your palm talking for hours on end without ever being lost for words speaking about my love for movies and your fear of the dark recounting how life changed its ways for us to run into each other years from now we’ll laugh about how we thought we knew it all how we were convinced we had the slightest idea back when we were barely adults, barely old enough to drive nights tasted like cheap liquor and your lips like cherries when we promised things were forever going to be this simple we had absolutely no clue how painful life could get but even back then we knew we could take it all on together all the difficulties people threw at us from every angle and we’d emerge with tears shining in our eyes our knees skinned and hands shaking but always knowing, always sure that we would come out stronger than we were before”

— future vision / n.j.

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

“Dear heart, I am so sorry that things are bad. I know how terrible such times are when one moves all the day between hope and despair and cannot kill hope and yet wants to be without it.”

— Iris Murdoch, from a letter to Michael Oakeshott written c. January 1959

[lostwond-ers]

When I’m scared, I turn frosty

Colder than the ice on a dark wintery night

A bitting blistering bitter draft that forces

doors close, and shuttered windows

Igniting a roaring fire to chase away any lingering chill

But I so desperately want you to stay

To fight against it

To fight for me

To say even when it’s hard I will still be here with you..

[lostwond-ers]

Are we even real anymore?

Is it love if sometimes you forget I exist,

I chose you because I thought you’d be gentle with me

Because despite everything, I hoped that you wouldn’t leave

I’m sorry that it takes so much for me to trust

You bear weight of past broken promises by all those who came before you

This time, I don’t think I’ll be okay for a long time if you left.

[late-nights-and-daydreams]

I’ve grown used to being alone since middle school and its so dangerous because I’m no longer dependent on the company of others but in my lowest of lows I hate how fucking lonely I am.

Go on/off anon and pretend we’re the person you want to talk to, and get everything off your chest.

[universalmemoir]

to anyone who’d like to love me: 

if you want to take me into your soul, you need to take my history with you, and if i let you into my soul and lose you, you’ll become a part of that history.

you will be loved desperately but the moment i hit a low point i will hide from you because i will always believe that i can somehow hurt you, destroy you, ruin you, lose you if i so much as approach you with my fire too closely.

you’ll have to teach me that i can trust you, unlike the people who have broken me over and over, told me i was everything but wanted, and walked all over me while i let them.

if you become toxic to me, i will be the last one to know.

i’ll ask the world of you but settle for a grain of sand, and i’ll always feel unsatisfied because i kept my stupid mouth shut. 

it’s my fault. it’s always my fault. i promise.

there is a world of feeling behind my rough exterior, just push yourself until i can’t breathe, and i’ll submerge myself in your existence.

the only way to love me is wholly.

the only way you will be loved back is holy.

please try. love me before i collapse into myself like a dying star, and let me love you before i burst. i’m not ready to try again. 

[lostwond-ers]

All I want is to be with you but you’re so damn far away, you feel so far away sometimes it’s almost as if it isn’t real.

I dont know why you seem so attached;

- yet I keep waiting for you to leave.

I know how torn up you were when I questioned our relationship, as if love wasn’t enough to give me strength.

You don’t know how badly I want this, it scares me.

I want to be with you but I’m a mess.

I don’t want my fears to drown out everything we have.

I don’t want to forget the good parts, or the reasons why I love you.

I don’t want to break us.

I don’t want to lose you.

[late-nights-and-daydreams]

How do I know if you’re in love with me, or just an idea of me? That it’s not me you want but just someone to be attached to and take away the loneliness? All humans crave love and I don’t get why you’d chose me over all the others. Maybe because I believe there’s just something fundamentally wrong and unloveable about me, and I kept waiting for you to leave.

Go on/off anon and pretend we’re the person you want to talk to, and get everything off your chest.

[timbllr]

via weheartit

[lostwond-ers]

It hurts loving someone, knowing that you can’t be with them. The absence-like a physical emptiness inside.