hi there! this is my secret lil smutty pedro & oscar space.
F | 30s | AAPI (baby) bi cis woman
Click here for my fanfic masterlist!
My fanfics/writings are 18+ mature, MDNI! I may write explicit content, mature themes, etc. I will always include warnings before each fic.
First and foremost, this space is a welcoming and safe space! I support the LGBTQIA2S+, BIPOC, and marginalized communities.
I am here to read fanfic but I am also writing fanfic now! I read/write Pedro Pascal and Oscar Isaac Cinematic Universes fanfics, and as my name says, I am the biggest simp for Pedro's Joel Miller. I try to write as authentically inclusively as possible, but my Reader inserts are primarily female, although there’s minimal if any description of Reader. I have appropriate warnings/details of extent of Reader descriptions in each fic. If you prefer M/NB/GN/trans Reader inserts, I can point you in the direction of some amazing writers who do so on the regular! I write what I like to read, and while I aim for inclusivity, if you don't like what you see, feel free to leave my blog. No pressure to stick around if it's not for you!
I DO NOT WRITE RPF! I will never write RPF so please don’t ask.
My inbox is open for questions and requests! ❤️ However, I don’t write every day nor super consistently, as I have a full time job, so I may not get to your requests right away. I also ask for feedback/opinions on WIPs, so keep an eye out for those.
I'm also on AO3 under lotusbxtch if you prefer to read there! Works will be uploaded here first and then on AO3 when I have time.
Oh, and if you wanna read why I fell into the Pedro fandom, click here!
CLICK HERE if you read my TLOU/Joel Miller fics for more information on how Zionism and the Israeli occupation of Palestine influenced/informed the source material.
CLICK HERE for ways to help Palestine (credit to @sulfurcosmos for the info!)
The first rule of fandom is have fun. The second rule of fandom is find an enabler and become an enabler. Yes you should write that fic. What if it was even hornier? What if it was angstier? What if you wrote it just for me?
@for-a-longlongtime @penvisions the first bits are you and @mountainsandmayhem that last one is DEF you (I will get you your Marcus Pike fic at some point LOL)
“So... We got the exploding diarrhea. Here's my advice for anyone who doesn't have it yet:
It's going to take a minute for the government to pin down where this is coming from, and then issue a recall, because the FDA has been gutted. But, I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt : this is coming from Taylor Farms produce, and you will see them recalled.
You'll want to avoid all Taylor Farms produce in the grocery store. They supply McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, about any fast food place you can think of.
Raspberries, watermelons, cilantro, and the veggies you're hearing about are not causing this many people to get sick. It's the shredded lettuce, specifically, that's the problem. But, you'll want to stay away from every type of produce this company puts out, because one strand of shredded lettuce is all it takes to contaminate bushels.
Taylor Farms is the source. Taco Bell proactively pulled their produce from their restaurants. You're going to see other fast food places doing this, and probably will see that before the government names a source. The FDA knows this, but they can't come out and tell us all until there's proof, which takes resources and research, which takes manpower, but the FDA has been cut by about 20-30%
During the Biden term, onions at McDonald's had ecoli. We knew this because DNA testing was done quickly and they were able to narrow it down to one place that caused the outbreak. And, it was traced back to Taylor Farms. This isn't going to be solved as quickly though.
When you get this, make a virtual appointment to your PCP - a "same day sick" appointment. Tell them someone in your family just tested for this and was positive and was prescribed Bactrim. If you go in person, they're probably going to make you poop in a cup and wait until results come back to prescribe.
You'll know when you get this. Trust me on all of this.
You'll want to stay hydrated because this parasite damages the lining of the small intestine. Your small intestine, in turn, secretes more water into the gut, and less nutrients and liquid are able to remain in the body. So no matter how much you shit, you're going to want to drink. A day of this leads to dehydration if you don't increase your fluid intake, and a few days will land you in the hospital.
If you have headaches, weakness, muscle cramps, dizziness, or an increase heart rate - hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Go to the ER for fluids if you can't drink enough.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Brought to you by America's 250 birthday celebrations, workforce reduction in the FDA and CDC, and viewers like you.
Please feel free to share this.
And, MAGA - don't blow up the comment section. I argued with y'all on COVID bc I was afraid y'all would die, but I really don't care if you get explosive diarrhea.
“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat
Hey so as the economy continues to get worse in the next few years, gambling companies are going to go extra hardcore predatory as people become more desperate. Yes, even more than they already are. You have to promise me right now you're not going to fall for it. No gambling, okay?
This is going to be especially bad with prediction markets and sports gambling, and it's already really fucking bad. But it also goes for loot boxes, blind box collectables, trading card games, and ESPECIALLY gacha games.
it really pisses me off when adults sit there and drill it into kids’ heads that their youth is fleeting and tell them things like “enjoy your childhood while it lasts because this is the best it’s gonna get”. why are you telling children that adulthood is the worst thing they can experience? seriously what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you trying to make them feel like growing up is a fate worse than death? trying to convince them their life is over before it even begins? i’m tired of that shit. because tell my why my 12 year old cousin told me when she turns 30 she’ll be so depressed she’s just gonna cry all the time. what the fuck. kids don’t need to hear that their already stressful and overwhelming lives are never going to get better, that the abuse and lack of autonomy they face is apparently the highlight of their lives. they need to hear about adults who are happy to be alive and happy to have made it to their age. they need to know that growing up rules, it’s a gift and life does not have to suck for them, that they have a future that’s worth sticking around for. this rhetoric is so damaging mentally and i’m about to start hitting the adults who parrot it. i’m sorry you hate your life but you don’t get to dump your issues on these kids. don’t piss me off and leave these babies alone!
Series Masterlist
Chapter 2: Hwy 101 & Beyond
Chapter 3: Mill Valley
Series Pairing: husband!Joel Miller x f!Reader x boyfriend!Frankie Morales
Series Summary: Joel is your rock, and Frankie is your ocean. So what happens when you bring the three of you together?
- or -
you and Frankie roadtrip up from Southern California to Northern California so he can meet Joel. A polyamory fic. This series exists in the Triple Frontier universe and is a Joel Miller AU/Triple Frontier AU.
Series Rating: Explicit, 18+ only, MDNI
Chapter 4: Home
Chapter Pairing: f!Reader x Joel Miller (but don’t worry, Frankie is still in this chapter!)
Chapter Summary: In the aftermath of your first night together, you untangle complicated feelings. Will Joel understand? And does Frankie feel the same way?
Word Count: 5.6k
Rating: Explicit, 18+ only, MDNI
Warnings/tags: polyamory, references to MFM and MMF dynamics, oral (f receiving - Joel is a certified MUNCH), unprotected p in v sex (they’re a married couple), orgasm denial if you squint, cum kink, cum eating, Joel explores bisexual feelings, gratuitous descriptions of male and female anatomy, consent kings (like clearly consent is a turn-on for these two guys lol), romance, idiots in love, a little angst and yearning, wild crows make an appearance, Reader uses she/her pronouns, Reader is able-bodied, has breasts, and has hair that can be pulled, otherwise no description of Reader's skin color, size, body shape, hair color, eye color, or ethnicity, no use of y/n. Everyone is testing negative for STDs and Reader is on birth control.
a/n: thank you for so patiently waiting for me to finish this chapter! We do a deep dive on everyone’s feelings in this one, so it took me awhile to write because i wanted to get the dynamic perfect. As always, bless my lovely @for-a-longlongtime (who also beta read) and @mountainsandmayhem for listening to me blab about their dynamics. Shoutout to @sin-djarin and @penvisions who got excited about the little blurbs i sent them and kept me motivated. Please let me know if I’ve missed any tags! Dividers & banners by the lovely @saradika-graphics, thank you. (Please note that the chapter graphic is NOT meant to be accurate to Reader — vibes only!)
If you enjoy my writing, please leave a comment, feedback or reblog! It would mean the world to me. Thank you!
Sunday unfurls like any other weekend morning. Sunlight shines through the gauzy curtains, the lingering scent of fresh sheets wrapping itself around your bare limbs. Joel’s warm body curls around yours protectively. Consciousness trickles into your mind, fuzzy with contentment. Laying with Joel in your bed, pressed skin to skin, is your favorite way of starting the day.
And then memories of last night begin to play in your head.
You feel a tug in your chest as you remember Frankie’s blindingly happy smile as he kissed you in your bathroom before hopping in the shower with you. When you exited, Joel had remade the bed with new sheets and was fluffing your pillows. You’d invited Frankie to sleep with the two of you, but he declined, explaining he had to be up early to go on a hike with his Delta Force friend Will, who happened to be in town as well. He would be spending most of the day with him, since it had been years since the last time they saw each other. When he kissed your forehead good night and squeezed Joel’s bicep affectionately, you saw a flash of his characteristic reservation in his eyes. You knew Frankie didn’t want to overstep, despite your invitation, and you allowed him the space to ease into this new dynamic.
But seeping through those delicate emotions you’ve yet to untangle is the hot flow of arousal from other memories of last night.
Joel’s hands on you while Frankie’s tongue invaded your mouth. The feel of both of their bodies against you as they stripped you bare. Joel’s booming “Stop, Frankie”. Frankie’s desperate eyes as he admitted to only wanting to make you come over and over. Joel’s thick cock inside of you and Frankie’s hot mouth sucking at your clit. The way Joel looked absolutely wrecked as Frankie tongued his shaft. The moans of pleasure from your two loves. The feeling of their releases mixing together and dripping out of you.
Frankie, Joel, and you may be still navigating the emotional aspects of your dynamic, but the physicality is clearly on the right path.
You slowly grind your naked body against your husband’s, arousal flowing through your veins from the memories. Joel rumbles a groan, the sound vibrating his chest against your back. His hands awaken and begin tracing heated patterns across your skin. When his calloused fingers pinch and squeeze your tits, you let out a quiet moan, the sound warbled with sleepiness. Your slick has already begun to collect in your folds.
Joel gently rubs his beard across the soft skin of your neck. “Good mornin’, angel,” he purrs, continuing his exploration of your curves and causing your breath to catch on whimpers. “So needy f’me already?” His voice is grit and velvet, his accent always thickest in the morning and when he’s turned on.
“Mhmm,” you whine softly, draping your leg over the top of his, opening yourself up for him. He slides his palm down your belly to the heated pulse at the apex of your thighs and hisses at what he finds.
“Fuck, so goddamn wet,” Joel breathes. He teasingly traces the pads of his fingers around your entrance, softly circling your clit to draw out more moans from you. Tapping his fingers softly on your slick pussy lips, he revels in the wet, sticky sounds.
“Roll over f’me,” he commands, and you oblige, knowing exactly how he wants you. He hands you a pillow, which you slide under your hips. Joel kneels behind you, placing his knees on either side of yours and tipping your hips up to expose your glistening center to him. He parts your folds with his thumbs, admiring the view of your dripping entrance. Your husband hums in approval.
What you expect next is his thick tip sliding along your slit. Instead, you feel him lick a hot stripe between your thighs.
“Joel!” you keen, feeling yourself drip more.
A deep groan escapes his lips. “Y’still taste like us,” he says, and laps at you again. “Came so deep in ya that this pussy’s still holdin’ onto our cum. Jesus.”
Your gasp turns into a moan, and you reach behind you to thread your fingers through his greying curls while he continues to feast on you. The tendrils of an orgasm begin to wrap around your lower belly, until Joel pulls back. You whine in protest.
Joel chuckles. “Patience,” he tuts, then lines himself up at your entrance. You push your hips backwards in blind desire. He slides his length along your folds to lubricate himself in your essence and the remnants of his and Frankie’s releases.
Then, inch by inch, Joel feeds you his throbbing cock.
You luxuriate in the warm familiarity of his girth stretching you pleasurably. Your walls pulse around him with every movement, slickening further.
Groaning, he keeps slowly pushing in. “Y’always take me so well,” he murmurs. “Fuckin’ pussy was made for me, huh?” He litters gentle kisses across your back, his forearms caging you in.
“Yes, Joel,” you whimper compliantly, drunk on the feeling of him sliding inside. “All for you.”
“What about Frankie, baby?” Joel asks. “Ain’t he allowed to fuck you, too?”
Your heart stutters, not expecting the question. Joel feels you tense up and stops the movement of his hips.
He leans forward, closer to your face and tips your head to the side. “Look at me, honey.” Your eyes flit up to meet his own, not sure what to expect on his face. But you’re met with the warm umber of his irises, nothing but love and a little mischief in them.
“Tell me,” he implores. “Use your words.”
You inhale, insides twisting a little with warring guilt and desire. “Yes, Joel,” you answer quietly. “Frankie gets to fuck me, too.”
“Gets to?” Joel huffs in amusement. “Don’t it feel good when he fucks you? Don’t you want him to fuck you?” His eyes never leave yours.
You’re not sure how to answer. Of course you want Frankie to fuck you. Joel knows as much from last night. He watched you spread your thighs for Frankie, heard how you moaned when the other man sunk deep into your cunt, brought you to your peak by rubbing your clit in tandem with Frankie’s thrusts. But why does he need to hear the words from your lips?
“Hey,” Joel interrupts your thoughts. You blink when you feel his thumbs caressing your hips. “If I didn’t wanna know, I wouldn’t ask ya.” He clocks your hesitation, knows precisely what your mind is churning around.
“Do you want to stop and talk?” he asks, moving to pull out from you. Hastily, you grab his wrist and shake your head. Joel chuckles a bit, but remains sheathed inside you, patiently waiting for your words.
You take a deep breath. “Yes, Joel,” you exhale out. “I love how Frankie fucks me.” You feel Joel’s cock jump inside you, and a small gasp tears out of your lungs.
Joel is actually getting off on hearing you talk about fucking Frankie.
Joel groans, slipping himself inside you to the hilt, gripping and massaging your cheeks with strong hands. “Fuck, angel,” he curses, barely withdrawing before thrusting forward, pressing right against your sweet spot.
A moan unabashedly exits your mouth, and Joel whines.
“What do you like about him fucking you?” Joel presses, setting a slow but deep pace. One hand grips your hip as the other arm braces against the bed. His voice has a ragged edge to it, and you feel him throbbing within you.
“I like… I like how desperate he can be to get inside of me,” you pant, core dripping more slick as Frankie’s fucked-out expression from last night flashes through your head. Joel grunts, fingers digging harder into your skin.
“What else?” he grits out, his own breathing heavy against your back. “Do you like it when he spreads you wide to look at that gorgeous pussy?”
You keen, cunt clenching on Joel’s length as you remember Frankie parting your thighs to watch Joel’s cum seep out of you. “Yes,” you admit. “He likes seeing me all messy. Likes watching cum drip out of me.”
Joel moans into the skin between your shoulder blades, his pace beginning to pick up. His cock massages that spot in your front wall that makes your nerves sing in pleasure. You decide to explore the observation you made last night.
“You made the prettiest noises when Frankie licked you, baby,” you croon. Joel chokes on his next moan. You feel his cock swell harder inside you.
Bingo.
“Did you like Frankie’s mouth on you?” you implore, pushing back against his thrusts to get him even deeper. Your cunt grips him, a velvet-lined vice.
A hoarse whimper escapes his lips. “Fuck,” he grits out, collapsing onto both forearms on either side of your head, working his cock into you over and over. His forehead presses against your back.
“Use your words, Joel,” you remind him, smirking at getting to use his own lines on him.
“Yes,” Joel responds with difficulty. “It felt so good. Like when you lick me, but… different. His tongue felt different.” His hips slap sticky-sweet against the supple flesh of your ass, your slick coating the both of you.
You’re on an absolute high now. “Do you want Frankie to suck your cock?” you ask your husband. He whines in response, hips thrusting harder into you. Your pussy spasms at the delicious display of his raw power.
“Fuck… yes,” Joel cries. His pants have a whimpering edge to them. He’s coming completely undone at the thought of your boyfriend wrapping his lips around his dick. “I’ve never… I….” he stutters, grappling with the ramifications of what he’s admitting.
You shush him gently. “It’s okay, honey, you don’t have to worry about it. Just think about how it feels.” As Joel keeps pounding into you, your hand slips under your hips to rub at your clit. The dual sensations ignite the fuse of your orgasm.
“So good,” Joel whimpers. “It felt so good to be inside you while Frankie had his mouth on me.” He’s frantic now, a harmony of moans erupting from both of you.
“Joel, oh fuck,” you cry out, “you’re gonna make me come. Don’t stop!” Three more thrusts and your release bursts forth, shimmering across your limbs. You press your face into the mattress to muffle your screams, and Joel follows suit quickly. Moaning your name, he empties himself into you, loud whimpers falling from his mouth with each spurt.
As your crests wane, you relax into each other. Joel gingerly rolls the two of you to the side, then slips out of you with a groan. He pads over to the linen closet to grab you a clean washcloth to soak up your releases, handing it to you before sliding back into bed behind you.
“So… Frankie,” you start, tossing the used washcloth into the hamper. You’re not sure how to ease into what you both know needs to be discussed. Joel hums in response, then makes space so you can shift yourself to face him.
“Seems like he’s done a number on both of us,” he chuckles. He strokes your cheek with the back of his hand, and you turn your head to kiss his knuckles.
You nod as a soft smile crosses your lips. “Yeah, I’d say so,” you reply. “But you seemed to enjoy him too, didn’t you?”
Joel looks slightly sheepish as he nods affirmatively. “Wasn’t expectin’ that, really,” he says, “but I definitely don’t regret it. I’ve always been curious about how I’d feel with a man. How are you feelin’ ‘bout last night?”
“Wonderful,” you admit, your cheeks warming at how worshipped you felt with your two men. “It was nice being together with the two men I lo—“
You freeze up, the word getting stuck in your windpipe. Love.
You feel the guilt rise up, numbing tingles traveling up your limbs, a growing sense of shame and unease. You shouldn’t be falling for someone besides your husband. You made vows; promised yourselves to one another. Sexual dalliances together with a third is one thing. But falling in love with Frankie felt like a betrayal. Even if it also felt as easy as breathing.
“Baby?” Joel says, pulling you from your swirling thoughts. Your brows furrow together, and you know your emotions are clear on your face because the concern painted across Joel’s features morphs into understanding when you lock eyes.
The guilt crowds your throat, thick and pressing. How could you even consider loving another man when you have this incredible, understanding person who’s stood by your side through thick and thin? This man who’s given you every part of him?
“It’s okay,” Joel reassures you. “Tell me what’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours.” He strokes your cheek again, your soft skin under his calloused thumb.
You try to swallow the guilt. “I love you so much, Joel,” you start. “And I also… I think I love Frankie.” You feel the tears start to well up. Joel’s thumb continues its soothing sweep across your cheek. “I’m so sorry,” you choke out.
Joel looks puzzled. “Sorry? Darlin’, you have nothing to be sorry about.” He kisses your forehead and you feel the first tears start to fall. His thumb moves to wipe them off your skin. “Thank you for trustin’ me with your feelings.”
“You’re not…” you blubber a bit, “you’re not upset?”
“No, sweetheart, no,” he murmurs. “I’m glad you’re finally voicin’ how you feel about Frankie. ‘Trust and openness,’ remember?” He quotes your wedding vows to you.
You nod, sniffling. “Never hiding how we feel,” you quote back at him. His lips tip up into a warm smile and he nods.
“I think… it didn’t hit me until you two were making dinner together last night,” you explain. “When I saw him next to you in the kitchen, working side by side, it just felt right. I felt the same way looking at him as I do looking at you.” You pause, looking up at him with an ache in your chest. “He feels like home. Just like you always have.”
Joel nods encouragingly. “I know.”
“What do you mean, you know?” you inquire, propping yourself up on your elbow.
Joel smooths his hand down your hair. “I’ve known since the other night when you two FaceTimed me. I could see it in your sleepy little face when you told me you liked him. That you really liked him.” He laughs a bit under his breath. “You said the same thing to me the night I knew I loved you.”
You smile, remembering the rush of emotions you felt that night nearly a decade ago. “I was still in denial it was love because I thought you were such a bastard,” you giggle. He pinches your side softly, and you give a tiny yelp, squirming away from him, but he pulls you closer and rubs his beard along your shoulder.
“I was a bastard,” he smirks, kissing your abraded shoulder. “A dumb bastard hopelessly in love with a woman he thought hated him.”
“I did say that I couldn’t stand you,” you point out.
“And you remember how that ended, right?” he shoots back, growling a little as he pulls you to him.
You roll your eyes, then kiss him. “Yes, I do. Unfortunately.”
“Unfortunately?” Joel repeats incredulously, his smile turning into a full grin. “Didn’t seem very unfortunate since you were screamin’ my name when I had my face buried between your thighs, hmm?”
Heat flushes your body with the memory. You smack him playfully. “Okay, okay, fine!” You kiss him giddily again, and the two of you lay there for a few moments in comfortable silence.
“You know,” Joel starts, breaking the quiet, “the two of you need to talk about this.”
You sigh. “Probably, but… I don’t know. Frankie has so much going on with Isabella and his career. I don’t need to be another complication in his life.”
“You ain’t a complication, darlin’. I’m pretty sure he feels similarly ‘bout you as you do towards him,” Joel reassures you.
“How do you know?” you ask incredulously.
“He looks at you like you look at me,” he responds.
“And how’s that?” you return.
Joel’s face softens a bit before he answers. “Like I hung the moon and stars f’you.”
Your heart flutters. You snuggle into Joel’s broad body, kissing the coarse hair scattering his chest. “Okay,” you say softly. “I’ll talk to him.”
Joel’s strong arms band around you, and he kisses your forehead softly once more. “Good.”
The rest of the morning continues in comfortable familiarity. After the two of you get out of bed, Joel makes you pancakes and bacon for a slow, lazy breakfast, then you head out to the Sunday morning farmers market in town. The two of you wind through the stalls, picking up things for dinner and refilling your pantry staples from your favorite vendors. After you finish at the market, you run some errands together and then return to the house. Joel goes into the garage to reorganize his toolbox to fit his new acquisitions from the hardware store.
As the late afternoon light filters across your yard, Frankie returns from his outing with Will.
“Hey, stranger,” you lilt when he enters the living room, where you’re curled up on the couch with your newest romance novel purchase. Frankie leans over the back and kisses the top of your head before coming around the front.
“Hey, yourself,” he warmly replies, lifting your feet up so he can sit down with them in his lap at the other end of the couch. “How was your day?”
“Good, just a lazy morning and then running errands ‘til we came home a little bit ago,” you explain. His hands mindlessly caress your shins, and you catch yourself thinking again about how right it feels to have Frankie in the home you share with Joel. “How was hanging out with Will?”
“It was so good,” Frankie responds, strong fingers massaging the arch of your foot where he knows you get sore sometimes. “We hiked around Mt. Tam, then got breakfast at a cafe nearby. We had so much to catch up on that we ended up having lunch there, too.” He laughs while shaking his head. You smile, rubbing his arm affectionately while he fills you in. Will is one of Frankie’s oldest friends, and it’s been hard to keep in touch with him after Will took a traveling role for the veteran’s organization he works for. You’re glad Frankie got the chance to see him; you sense some of the tension he carried this morning has melted off his shoulders.
Suddenly, in the corner of your eye, you spot a flash of black on your patio.
You gasp. “Oh my god, Frankie, they’re here!”
Frankie jumps a bit. “Who? What?” You scramble off of him and the couch, careful not to startle your visitor outside. He watches as you peek through the sliding glass door and let out a thrilled squeal.
“The crows! The crows are here!” you exclaim, zipping around the kitchen to gather what looks like a veritable charcuterie tray of foods: nuts, seeds, ground beef from the refrigerator, corn and peas from the freezer, and even a small bowl of cat food.
The look of confusion pinching his brows releases at your words. “Oh! I can’t believe I get to see them after all this time.”
The neighborhood crows you’ve befriended were one of the first things you told Frankie about after you’d met. You’d gushed about how you’d gotten them to trust you, rattling off the different foods you’d given them (which ones they loved, and which ones they hated). Frankie felt his heart stutter in his chest while he listened to you; his smile widened the more animatedly you talked. Eventually, you’d gotten embarrassed and apologized for babbling on about your wild bird friends like a weirdo, but Frankie stopped you right then and there. He told you to never apologize for being passionate.
“I was hoping they’d come to visit while you were here so you can finally see them for yourself!” You beam up at Frankie, and he can’t help but mirror the expression.
Frankie slides open the door for you, which spooks the crows slightly. “I think they might be scared of you because you’re new,” you explain. “Maybe go watch from the kitchen window?” He nods, and then you slip through the door, tray in hand, making clicking noises with your tongue at your feathered friends to call them over. Through the window behind your kitchen sink, he watches you place the board on the patio table. You begin to toss the morsels away from you. Two ebony birds alight upon the patio, followed by three more after being summoned by the first two crows. You chat happily at them, laughing and smiling. His chest feels like it’s cracking open with the enormity of warmth he feels towards you.
“Ahh, I see the crows are visiting.” Joel’s deep timbre breaks Frankie from his thoughts, the older man placing a glass of water on the counter. He leans his forearms on the kitchen sink’s edge to join Frankie in watching you interact with the corvids.
Frankie nods, chuckling. “She wasn’t kidding when she said they’re friends.”
Joel shakes his head, a small smile curving on his lips. “Yeah, I took a while to come around to them. I’ve never found birds particularly appealin’. But they make her happy, and I couldn’t deny her somethin’ that gave her so much joy, so I tolerated ‘em.” Joel shifts, turning to Frankie with a smirk. “And then one day I saw one of ‘em grab a damn gopher right outta the ground that had been terrorizin’ our garden for months, so I decided right then and there that they were alright.”
Both men laugh and turn back to watch you with your crows in content silence. The five birds have crept closer to you, sometimes squabbling for bites of the ground beef, while you chastise them for not sharing.
“You know, ever since she’s been seein’ you, she’s been a lot happier and less stressed with work,” starts Joel, and Frankie visibly stiffens.
“Oh yeah?” he asks rhetorically, eyes still on you, unsure of where the conversation is going.
“Mhm,” Joel nods affirmatively. “When she told me she wanted to pursue the work opportunity with the new office in LA, I was hesitant ‘cause I knew it would put pressure on our relationship, regardless of how strong it is. Would be the same for anyone in our position.” Joel stands up and rakes a hand through his silvering curls. “We balance each other out when we’re together. When we’re apart, I’m not there to help calm her down when work is gettin’ to her head. It kills me not bein’ able to help her when we’re physically separated.”
Frankie nods in agreement. He remembers one date night early on that you’d been late to because of multiple emergency meetings at work. You’d been so wound up and on edge that you hadn’t relaxed until Frankie finally dragged you out to his car, eating you out in the dark parking lot until you lost count of how many times you’d come.
“When things with the office started looking like she might have to be down there for longer than anticipated to get things fully set up,” Joel continues, “I knew somethin’ was gonna have to change. I could feel her anxiety become palpable.” He shakes his head softly. Frankie sees a muscle feather in his jaw; it’s clear to him that being helpless to assist when you’re struggling physically pains your husband.
“Usually I can help shut her brain off by gettin’ her off,” he chuckles, “but obviously us being apart made that difficult. There’s only so much toys and videos can do.” Joel shifts on his feet and stares at the marble counter before continuing. “So we decided to try out openin’ our marriage.”
Frankie nods, allowing the two of them to sit in silence for a couple of seconds. “How did it feel?” he asks, eyes on Joel’s broad form. You’ve mentioned how possessive Joel can be towards you, which made this decision surely not an easy one for him to swallow.
Joel gazes out at you in the yard, your hair ruffling with the late afternoon breeze. He looks down at his hands and smoothes his thumbs across the grout around the sink in a self-soothing manner. “Honestly? Even though I brought up the idea first, it gnawed at me a little,” he admits. “When I married her, I didn’t want anyone but her. The first time I kissed her, I knew she was it for me.” His eyes look wistfully back up at you again. “But I did some thinkin’, talked to my therapist, and realized that it was comin’ from a place of insecurity. I was worried about it changin’ how she felt about me. I think a little part of me was worried about her fallin’ in love with someone else, and out of love with me.”
Frankie’s heart lurches, and he swallows hard. He’s seen the soft yearning in your eyes that he knows must be reflected by his own. Is he taking that away from Joel?
Joel clears his throat softly. “We set up boundaries, rules,” he explains. “We approached it like adults, y’know?” He takes a sip of water, placing the glass back down and turning towards Frankie. “She hooked up with a couple people, one night stands at first. She didn’t tell me any details, and I didn’t ask. But when she came back home after those first couple encounters, she came home less stressed. And if anything, she seemed even more in love with and appreciative of me.”
Frankie huffs a laugh. “That seems hard to believe,” he smirks at Joel, recalling how smitten you are with your husband.
Joel rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, a flush rising across his cheeks. It’s honestly adorable how you’re able to get such a gruff man blushing. “The first time she came back from LA after sleepin’ with other men, she pounced on me the minute she walked through the door.” He sighs, his eyes flickering briefly with desire. “I asked her afterwards if she was so enthusiastic because she didn’t enjoy herself with the other guys. She said no, that it was because it meant so much to her that I trusted her and our relationship enough to do somethin’ new.”
Frankie grips the counter’s edge. He wonders if he is betraying that trust.
Suddenly, his eyes are on Frankie again. “And then she met you.”
Frankie swallows hard; he keeps eye contact with Joel as he murmurs, “Yeah?” His heart kicks in his chest.
Joel nods silently, his molten espresso irises focused on the younger man. “I could tell right away it was different. You got under her skin, in a good way. She seemed way more grounded when she got back home from the LA office after meetin’ you. That place…” Joel shakes his head in mild frustration. “It winds her up somethin’ fierce. But I’ve only ever seen her that calm when it’s just the two of us.”
The knots in Frankie’s stomach begin slowly untying themselves as he searches Joel’s eyes. Frankie expects there to be at least a little resentment, resignation, or sadness, but none of that surfaces in Joel’s expression. It’s only warmth. Warmth, and trust.
“You know, it was me that initiated our phone session when y’all were in the hotel,” Joel admits.
Frankie is a bit caught off guard. “Really? Have you ever… watched before? When she was with other people?”
Joel exhales a quiet laugh. “No, actually.” His gaze flicks downwards briefly, then back up to Frankie.
“I’d asked her for a few details before about other partners,” he said, “but not a full play-by-play. But there was somethin’ different with you. I’ve always been a bit protective over her. Not that I ever thought she needed it; you know as well as I do that she can stand on her own two feet.”
He and Frankie shared a smirk at that, knowing how you hated being thought of as a damsel in distress
“I just love her so much, and I worried other people wouldn’t treat her with that same care,” Joel continues. “When she called me because you needed proof that I was really okay with her hookin’ up with you… well, you were the first person who’d ever needed proof of our arrangement. Showed you were thoughtful and respectful, that you weren’t just jumpin’ into it without thinkin’.”
Frankie nods. “It didn’t feel right to me otherwise. If there’s another partner involved, even if indirectly, I want to make sure there’s consent all around.”
Joel’s face softens. “That’s exactly why I was completely comfortable with it. You showed you cared about her, but also our marriage. There was no thrill of illicitness in it for you.” He pauses, glancing back at you outside, and then looking back again at Frankie. “Also, I’d asked her a couple of questions about how things were with you, and she goddamn blushed.”
Now it was Frankie’s turn to be bashful. His cheeks flush hot, and he pins his gaze to the patterns in the marble.
“Never did that about anyone else,” Joel says. “So of course I wanted t’know more. As she gave me more details, I found myself gettin’ turned on by the idea of you takin’ care of her.” He cracks a sheepish grin in Frankie's direction. “Like you said, I jus’ want her to be comin’ over and over again. Anyway, because you clearly have an effect on her, I wanted to meet you, see how it felt seein’ you pleasuring her. So that’s why I told her to put on a show for us that night. And what you showed me was how much you care for her.”
Frankie doesn’t dare look at Joel; it feels too vulnerable. “I… had no idea.” His throat works as he digests the new information. Joel being so supportive of your relationship with Frankie wasn’t unexpected, but the extent to which he does, is.
The crows are still enjoying their feast out on the patio, and the two men turn back to observe you for a few moments when they hear your laughter through the glass. You’re giggling at one of the fledglings of the adult crows trying to figure out how to forage; it’s puzzled as to why the nuts and seeds aren’t automatically being placed into its mouth like they are when its parents feed it. Both men chuckle a bit at the scene, the momentary tension easing.
“She is something else,” Frankie says quietly, breaking the silence. “I’ve never met someone so warm, so vibrant, so generous. Always helping out others. Always with a smile on her face. A beam of fuckin’ sunshine.”
Joel hums in agreement. “She’s just… so full of love. Bursting at the seams with it. And honestly?” He turns again to the younger man before continuing. “I think she’s got the capacity to love more than you’d expect.”
Frankie swallows hard and returns his gaze. Joel’s expression is calm and encouraging.
“She means a lot to me,” Frankie says quietly, dropping his gaze for a moment. The knots in his stomach return, but for a different reason this time. “But I don’t know if I deserve her. I’ve got so much shit going on and –”
“I know,” Joel interrupts him, placing a warm palm on his shoulder. “But if that was really a problem, she would have pulled herself away much sooner. She knows what you have going on and she’s happy to be a part of it.”
He pauses for a moment before asking point blank: “Frankie, do you love her?
Frankie's heart jumps into his throat. He stares at Joel, trying to read his face for intentions. But all he sees shining back is a friendly, quiet steadiness, like the peaceful redwood forest surrounding their home. Not a single ounce of jealousy, anger, or sadness; just understanding and care.
He thinks back to the months he’s spent getting to know you, weaving you into his life. How you know Isabella’s favorite flavor of ice cream and the way you softly read her bedtime stories. The way your infectious laugh reverberates through the air when he tells you a new dad joke. Mornings spent on the couch with tea and coffee, you in nothing but one of his old army t-shirts. Your biting wit and sarcasm; your pure heart. The way you take no shit, contrasted by the way you give and give and give to those you love. The way his heart skips a beat whenever you catch his eye across a room. How you’ve woven yourself into the very fabric of his soul.
Swallowing again, Frankie takes a deep breath. “Yes. Yes, I do, Joel.”
Joel nods, smiling softly. “Then tell her. Not that you need it, ‘cause it’s entirely up to her, but I’d like to have you around as part of our lives. I want someone else around her who loves her jus’ as much as I do.” He looks back out at the patio, where you’re finishing up with feeding the crows. You must feel their eyes on you, because you turn to look behind you at them. A warm smile lights up your face, and the golden hour sunlight gives you an ethereal halo. Frankie’s breath catches in his throat.
You look so fucking beautiful.
Joel squeezes Frankie’s arm gently. “I’m positive she feels the same.”
Have thoughts/thots, feelings, SCREAMS, asks? My inbox is open! 💌 Thank you for reading!
Awww thank you so much! 🥹 I love their dynamic and how Joel is so encouraging of the two of them. I’m 2/3 finished with chapter 5 so I’m hoping to put that out by the end of the month or sooner! Thanks again for loving my babies ❤️
you make one fucking post where the point is “women are encouraged to develop disordered eating from a very young age and that impacts how we view the ‘natural’ size and shape of women” and too many reblogs later i am being accused of saying short people wouldn’t exist if they ate better growing up. i’m sorry but if you genuinely think i was saying that you are just a buffoon. i cannot and will not sanction your buffoonery.
