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@loupettes
L O U P R O U N D U P
Hey! I’m loup, and this is my nonsense blog. Maracas welcome and encouraged.
I’ll be posting all kinds of oddities but I mostly make gifs of things I’m obsessing over at any given time period.
→ My art & graphics here
→ My loup.tagged posts here
→ My gifs here
→ and my fics here, or over on AO3
→ Request? Send them over!
Loup x
Hello! I wanted you to have this small ficlet because I got inspired by your wonderful fanfictions (and Already gone by Sleeping at Last). Enjoy!
She heard the key in the door and didn't move. Didn't wipe her face. There wasn't much point. He'd know before he even got the door shut. He always did.
The Doctor came in with his coat still half on, Torchwood badge clipped to his belt, and stopped in the doorway. Then he set his bag down without a sound and crossed to her. Instead of asking what's wrong — which she'd have hated, which would have made her sit up and arrange her face and say nothing, m'fine — he just sat down next to her, his shoulder bumping into hers.
The song looped round again. It came from her laptop at the end of the sofa, the sound coming out thinly.
"You've had this on a while?"
"Couple hours, maybe." Her voice came out rough. "Lost count."
They listened until the track was nearly done, just that last stretch where the singer keeps saying the same thing, over and over, like saying it enough times might make it easier to believe. Rose felt her throat close up around it.
The Doctor leaned forward and closed the laptop.
The flat went quiet, except for the rain tapping against the window. She stared ahead, and so did he.
"I know why he did it," Rose said after a few minutes. "Took me long enough to understand it, but I got there. He couldn't stay. Couldn't give me all of him. So he gave me you instead." She wiped her face with the heel of her hand. "I'm not angry anymore. I just miss him. Is that allowed? Can I miss him and still—"
"Yes." He said it before she'd even finished. "Of course it's allowed."
She nodded, and for a moment that seemed like it might be the whole conversation.
But then the Doctor turned to her, took her hands in his, and traced the lines of her palm.
"You know the why," he said slowly. "But I don't think you know the what. What it actually felt like." He glanced at her. "I know, Rose. Every bit of what he felt, in that moment and for years before it, because I am him and I know what it was like, to love you as him. And he never said it out loud, but I can. D'you want me to?"
Rose's throat had gone tight. She nodded.
He took a breath, and when he spoke again his voice had changed slightly, slipping into something older than the body he was in.
"I had lost everything," he said. "My whole planet, everyone I'd ever known, gone, and I did it, and I lived, and I was alone. I was a man made entirely out of the shape of what wasn't there anymore. I got very good at it. Got good at being clever and quick and never, ever still."
He paused. Rose didn't say anything. She'd gone quiet and small against the cushions.
"And then there was you," he said. "And suddenly it was like I could breath again. And I want to tell you it was gradual, but it wasn't. It was almost immediate, and it terrified me. I'd built this whole me out of grief and suddenly I wasn't thinking about Gallifrey for hours at a time, and then for days. I felt happy, I felt alive again. And I'd catch myself laughing at something stupid you said, and suddenly realizing how far I had fallen for you. And the next thought, right behind it, every time: that I could lose you. That you could be taken from me. And I already knew, better than anyone, exactly what that kind of loss does to a person. I was looking at the rest of my life and seeing two roads, and one of them was loving you but never doing something about it and telling me that it would hurt less this way, and the other end of that road was me, alone again, except this time there'd be nothing left of me at all."
"So you ran," Rose said quietly.
"So I ran. Told myself it was about you — about keeping you safe, keeping things simple, all the reasons that were true but weren't the reason." He looked at her properly now. "The reason was that I loved you so much it felt like the universe had found the one thing that could actually finish me off, and it had handed it to me, and asked me to hold it. And I didn't trust myself not to drop it. Not because I didn't want it. Because I wanted it so much that the wanting itself felt dangerous. D'you know what I mean? When something's so good you go looking for the catch, because surely — surely there's a catch, surely nothing gets to be this—"
He closed his eyes, shuddering. Rose lifted a hand slowly, tracing the shell of his ear. "Were you going to tell me?" she whispered. "The first time, on Bad Wolf Bay?"
"I wanted to." His voice had gone rough now. "I had the whole sentence ready, Rose. And then the moment came and I opened my mouth and what I heard, in my own head, before I'd even said anything, was how small it was going to sound. Three words. Five, with your name. And what I felt, it didn't have an edge to it, it didn't stop anywhere, it was the only thing in me that was bigger than the hole where Gallifrey used to be, and I was supposed to just — say I love you, and have that be it? Have you listen to three words and think that was the whole of it, when it wasn't even close, when it was barely the first page of it?" He shook his head. "So I stumbled through the words and then ran out of time." A small, sad smile played around his lips. "Imagine that, a Time Lord, running out of time."
She smiled back at him, fingertips still caressing his skin.
"So I left it unsaid," he said, then shrugged. "I guess at least unsaid, it stayed as big as it actually was."
The room went quiet again. Outside, thunder rumbled. From somewhere nearby came the smell of the neighbours' cooking — chicken masala, faint through the walls. Rose let herself fall forward, her forehead resting on his shoulder, his arms pulling her to him, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of her neck.
"He wanted you to have all of it," the Doctor said, softer now. "And the only way the size of what he felt for you meant anything was if it turned into something you could actually have — mornings, and years, and someone who'd be there for every single one of them without flinching. He couldn't be that. He knew he couldn't, the same way you know you can't pour a sea into a cup. So he found a way to give you the cup instead. Filled it as full as it would hold. And he let the rest of it — the part that didn't fit — he let that go on alone, because at least then he wasn't asking you to hold something that would eventually break you too."
"And you," Rose mumbled into his shoulder, suddenly feeling very tired. "Where does that leave you?"
"Sitting here, next to you," he said, and it sounded so simple that her heart clenched. He drew her face up toward his, fingers splayed across her cheeks, eyes drinking her in. "I love you, Rose Tyler. All of it — the whole impossible size of it, the bit that used to frighten him so much he ran from a galaxy rather than feel it. I get to keep that. I get to say it, and mean it, and not be scared of it, because the cost is just — time. Ordinary time."
!!!! This is so perfect anon!! I’m so glad you shared it ♥️
Everyone, if you need a little pick me up this Saturday morning, read this!
Just read your fanfic where Rose learns to write in Gallifreyan and I always had a similar idea and I'd love to see it in your writing! It's Tentoo with Rose and his child (Mia?) and the child learns Gallifreyan without him knowing and with the help of the Tardis and then wishes him a happy birthday in Gallifreyan and it does things to you boy Tentoo ❤️
Oh hey! This would be a fun challenge for me, I find kidfics hard to write personally. But I love the idea! It’s been so long since I wrote these guys (💔) but I’ll see what I can do sir! 🫡
happy birthday darling loup pls enjoy the best bit of the office x
Omg thank you also David Wallace had no right
Hi! Rediscovering your fics after the longest time, so i'm not sure if you're even active anymore! I just wanted to say I absolutely adore them, and I'm wondering if you still take requests/ prompts?
Awww thank you so much, lovely! I’m glad that, after all this time, they still give people joy to read 🫶🏻
My requests/prompts are always open dear! 🩵🩷
Hiiiiii I just wanted to say I have read your in-between series on AO3 and I really really love it. You write them so perfectly, it's like I'm watching them. I love the way you write emotionally intimate scenes with little action, it's not something you see in Fics in recent years! I have a question: would you ever consider writing some chapters from the other persons point of view? For example. in TIP chapter 2, I wish I could know what the doctor was feeling! Thank you for sharing your art <3
omg! You've made my day! Thank you for reaching out, I'm so happy you enjoy my fics. It's funny because you'll notice I never write action fics, and there's a simple reason: I have no imagination. Lmao. I can't imagine action, so I can't write it. Twisted angsty pain, on the other hand... That's an interesting question! It's one I've been asked before. I'll say, never say never ever! I certainly have drafts where I began the chapter from one person's POV and changed my mind. I'd be willing to explore that!
d o o m s d a y
SUMMARY: Part fifteen of the just the bits in-between series: a collection of missing scenes taking place between or during each episode of series 2.
doomsday. Tells the story of how the Doctor went from losing Rose at Canary Wharf to finding her on Bad Wolf Bay, with past missing scenes of their time together that detail just how he was able to do so. chapter 6: The Doctor runs into a past acquaintance, who has something she'd like him to have.
TAGS: missing scene, hurt/comfort
Read on AO3: doomsday, ch. 6
“There are so many things I wish I could say to him and… and now I’ll never get the chance.” Rose had once said that to him, the day they had sat on Mickey’s floor. The Doctor had wondered what she would have said to Mickey, and more importantly, why she had wanted to say it. Later, she had confirmed her relationship with Mickey was difficult, and there was a lot unsaid between them. That those unspoken words were the ones she regretted the most. She’d never told him how much he meant to her, and the Doctor had wondered how one could ever possibly put that into words – especially one where words weren't often used.
“He knew, though,” the Doctor said absentmindedly, without really meaning to. Shareen hummed somewhat in agreement.
“How about you, what was the last thing you ever said to Rose?”
Read the rest on AO3 ♥️
Heyoo I asked a question about one of your fics on Ao3 pertaining to the dialogue because that's how into your fanfics I am, fanfic amity btw . I just wanted to let you know that I love your fanfics. I just finished victorious. Please write more. 🥲
Oh hey! I’m glad you enjoy my fics!! Let me take a look over on AO3 to answer your question ☺️ (if I can!!)
oh my god
So I finally got around to getting into Doctor Who, and I was looking up posts on tumblr about Doomsday, cause that episode is going to forever be rattling around in my brain, and found your analyses of the Ten and Rose scenes from that episode. And I had so much fun reading those, cause it made me realize so many small details that I had missed, and just made me feel the hurt and love for that episode all the more! Then, as I was reading and going through your blog, I was like, why is this name so familiar? I don't follow this blog or anything? And then I saw that you post on AO3, and it hit me: I had just spent this whole week going through your amazing catalog of fics!! So, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the joy (and pain) you brought me this week! You're an amazing writer and analyzer and have genuinely improved my past few days. Thanks again for sharing all these wonderful things and I hope you're doing well!
Oh hey! I’m so sorry I didn’t catch this message, but reading it really made my day ♥️ I’m so glad you enjoyed the works I wrote and the endless analyses I made all those years ago! It’s crazy how, even almost 20 years later, doomsday never stops rattling my around in your brain haha (nervous laugh as I hold back tears)
Thank you for the message!! I hope you continue to enjoy Ten/Rose for many years to come!
These include tasty new snacks, like fruit leather, cut beans, Christmas mints, and salsa!
hi loup happy birthday!!!!! idk if you ever saw this meme but just a reminder💖💖
V I C T O R I O U S
SUMMARY: A storm's approaching, he had said. When the storm finally reaches them later that evening, Rose realises that the Doctor beside her might not be the Doctor she knows him to be. Ten/Rose
TAGS: angst, hurt/comfort, romance, stargazing, post 2.11 Fear Her, post 2.13 Doomsday, time lord victorious
Read ch.3 on AO3: victorious // (ch.1 here) (ch.2 here)
“So it’s a bad thing, that time’s been reset?” she asked, feeling as though she already knew the answer. Then she realised she wanted to strip it back further. “What does it even mean?”
He was quiet for a while, and she dreaded to imagine the plethora of information she was about to be assaulted with.
“It means the tape’s snapped.”
She blinked. “The what’s what?”
His responding laugh was dry. “What happened to the video when you kept watching that kiss between the Scottish guy and Gwyneth in Sliding Doors?”
Rose frowned, thrown off by the question. “It made the picture go all wobbly?”
“Why?”
“I dunno. S’what happens to videotapes when you rewind them a lot.”
“And why do you think that is?”
Rose shrugged. “I guess it just wore the tape away?”
“Exactly,” the Doctor said, snapping his fingers in time. “You rewound it and rewatched it so many times that eventually the tape wore away and the picture had almost faded completely. See time is just as fragile — it’s only meant to be observed once. Sure, you might be able to go back once or twice, maybe to catch something you didn’t before, but generally, you shouldn’t. If you do it too much, the membrane of time and space itself will wear, like the video tape. If you do it enough, well, the membrane will snap completely.”
Rose thought about it for a moment, and while she was following (sort of), it seemed far too ridiculous to take seriously.
“We called it temporospatial decay,” he continued. “Most of us always thought it was a bit of a myth. After all, you’ve gotta rewatch something a lot for the membrane of time and bloody space to decay completely.”
The words fell from her lips slowly, as she voiced her thoughts out loud. “So… you’re saying you came back to this point in time so many times that you… what, broke reality?”
“Er— yes, that’s pretty much the gist.”
R E A D O N A O 3
Merry Muppet Christmas Carol Day!
omg hi I’ve been reading all of your tenrose fics and they’re my absolute favourite 💖💖the way you write is so amazing and funny and gorgeous!!! Their banter is so good <3333 but yeah I just wanted to say that I adore your writing 🫶🫶🫶
Anon thank you so much!! I’ve only just seen this in my inbox, but let me tell you it made me so happy to know my fics are so enjoyable for you — especially on reread! Thank you for making my day 💕
2005 | 2013 | 2022
Merry Muppet Christmas Carol Day!
Merry Muppet Christmas Carol Month!
