Lovelymoon✨

K-pop|anime|Multistan 24 she/her ”나의 세상에, 너야“

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Love is My Religion

Kim Dongyoung x Reader

Word Count: 6,463

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Small town AU

Rating: Explicit. MINORS DNI!

Summary: During the early stages of her pregnancy, Y/N's relationship with Dongyoung starts to shift.

Content Warnings: More infidelity (technically), pregnancy, unhealthy relationship dynamics, religious themes/settings, Doyoung and Y/N are still toxic and I am not sorry, brief consideration of abortion at the very beginning, unprotected sex, creampie, biting, slight breeding kink if you squint. Sorry not sorry about the added angst. If you think I missed a warning, please let me know!

A/N: This is part 2 to my fic "Take Me to Church." If you haven't read part 1, I recommend checking it out first so you know what's happening!

Fic is under the cut.

After Jisoo showed you the positive pregnancy test, you took it from her and showed it to Nayeon. Both of your roommates hugged you as you cried, and when you were calm enough to talk about it, they helped you start planning for your new future.

“Before we make any additional plans, do you want to keep the baby?” Jisoo asked.

The question made you stop and think longer than it probably should have. You had always wanted to have kids, but it would have been a lie to say that you didn’t at least consider termination. You had a stable job, as well as friends and family that you knew would help in any way they could, so the baby would certainly be well taken care of. You didn’t like the idea of parenting a child with your ex, however. Plus, the fact that he was already married and had a child would make it infinitely harder for him to be a part of your child’s life. After a lot of careful consideration, you came to a decision.

“I’m keeping the baby, but Dongyoung is not going to know,” you said, confident that you were making the right choice.

“Who do you want to tell?” Nayeon asked.

“Just my parents. They’ll be so excited to have a grandchild.”

You took a deep breath, made the call to your parents, and broke the news to them that you were pregnant. They were ecstatic, with your mom even offering to plan your baby shower. They were also incredibly surprised, though. After all, you weren’t dating anyone as far as they knew, and you’d never really talked to them about planning a family. Desperately hoping that the pregnancy wasn’t the result of a one-night stand, your father hesitantly asked, “(Y/N), do you know who your baby’s father is?”

For a brief moment, you considered lying to them and telling them that you didn’t know. After all, what would they say if they knew that the father of your child was the married pastor of their church? In the end, though, you decided to just tell them. You knew you wouldn’t be able to keep up the lie. So, you said, “Before I tell you, I need you to promise that you won’t tell anyone else. Especially not the father. I do not want him to be a part of this child’s life. Ok?” Both of your parents agreed, so you quietly added, “It’s Dongyoung.”

No one spoke for a while after you basically admitted to sleeping with your married ex, with your parents seemingly struggling to process the information. You were worried that there would be a lecture, but so far there was just stunned silence. Your mom was the first to break it, however, asking, “But honey, won’t your baby need a father?”

“I’ve got plenty of people around me that will help me take care of the baby. I don’t need Dongyoung, nor do I want him around my child.”

“He has just as much of a right to take care of this baby as you do. He did help you make it, after all,” your dad responded, a nervous laugh escaping his lips.

“I really don’t want any repercussions for him. He still has Joy and Jaehyun to think about, and he can’t take care of them if he loses his job because he got another woman pregnant.”

There was another awkward silence before your parents reluctantly agreed not to tell Dongyoung. You thanked them and hung up the phone. The moment the phone call was over, though, you broke down into sobs while you thought about all of the ways that your life had changed drastically in relatively short amount of time.

Calling Dongyoung was the first thing that your mother did after you hung up the call. Yes, she had agreed not to tell him when you called, but she thought that he had a right to know that you were carrying his baby. He didn’t answer the phone when she called him, instead letting it go to voicemail. So, she left a message saying, “Hi, Pastor Kim. It’s Mrs. (L/N), (Y/N)’s mom. I have some important news that I think you should hear, so please call me back when you can. Thank you, goodbye.”

“Shock” was not a strong enough word to describe how Dongyoung felt when he listened to the voicemail from your mother. As he listened to what she had to say, he felt sick with worry. What could the news possibly be? Had you gotten hurt? Did something happen with your job? He had no idea, so as soon as he got home from a meeting at the church, he disappeared into his home office and called your mother back.

“Hi, Pastor Kim. How are you today?” your mom asked when she answered the phone.

“I’m well, Mrs. (L/N). Thank you for asking. I’m sorry that it took me so long to call you back. You know how church meetings can go, though,” he responded with a nervous laugh.

“Oh, it’s quite alright.”

Not wanting to waste another second, Dongyoung asked, “What was the news that you mentioned in your voicemail?”

With a deep breath, your mother replied, “Well, (Y/N) is pregnant, and she says that you’re the father.”

Dongyoung was silent as he processed the new information. Truthfully, he was a bit skeptical of your mother’s news. After all, if you really were pregnant, why didn’t you tell him yourself? Regardless, he really wanted it to be true. If you were really having his child, maybe that meant that the two of you could finally be together.

“Pastor Kim? Are you ok?”

“Oh, yes. I’m ok. Surprised, but ok.” He was quiet for another minute before he added, “Is she certain that I’m the father?”

“She didn’t tell me about anyone else as a potential father, so I’m going to assume that she is.”

“Ok, thank you for telling me. I’ll talk to her.”

“Please don’t tell her how you found out. I promised her that I wouldn’t tell you.”

“What?”

“Before she told me, she made me swear not to tell you. I understand where she’s coming from, I really do, but you deserve to know.”

“Well, thank you for telling me.”

“It’s no problem. I have to go now, though. Goodbye, and I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“I’ll see you on Sunday. Goodbye, Mrs. (L/N),” Dongyoung said before he hung up the phone. When he was sure that the call had ended, he started to cry. He couldn’t believe that he’d gotten himself into this situation, and he had no idea how to get himself out of it. Still, he was going to have another child, and that simple fact brought him so much excitement despite the stress.

Joy stood outside of her husband’s office, listening to the conversation that he had with your mother, and she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had he really gotten another woman pregnant? Suspicion had occasionally creeped into her mind, especially when she saw how friendly her husband had been with a few women in the church while refusing to share details of his “friendships” with them, but she still couldn’t believe it. Her connections and family reputation were the primary reason that he’d been able to get his current job, and this was how he returned her family’s kindness? By cheating on her and getting another woman pregnant?

Joy wanted nothing more than to break down the door to her husband’s home office, crying and screaming at him for having the audacity to be unfaithful after everything that she’d done for him. However, she had her son to think about. She had spent most of her childhood in a house where her parents fought constantly, and she refused to raise Jaehyun in the same environment. So instead of losing her shit immediately, she called her mother, asking if Jaehyun could spend the following weekend at her house. Her mother readily agreed, excited to see her grandson again. Once Joy was certain that Jaehyun wouldn’t have to listen to his parents arguing, she felt better, and she made a plan to confront her husband.

Once Doyoung was certain that he was done crying, he went against your mother’s advice and called you. He was pleasantly surprised by the fact that the call went through, expecting you to have blocked him after you left. You didn’t block him, though, probably because you really didn’t expect him to reach out to you. You especially didn’t expect him to ask, “Are you pregnant?” The moment you answered the phone.

The fact that Dongyoung was apparently calling you about the one thing that you did not want him to know about made your blood boil. Still, you tried to keep your composure when you asked, “My parents told you, didn’t they?”

“Your mom called me. When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”

“I wasn’t,” you said, anger slowly starting to get the better of you. “I do not want or need you to be a part of my baby’s life.”

“Did you think about the fact that this is my baby, too?”

“Yes, I did. I also thought about Joy and Jaehyun, and how you won’t be able to take care of them if you lose your job because you got a woman that is not your wife pregnant.”

“I can find another job.”

“Yes, but I didn’t want it to be a necessity. You’re a good pastor, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that.”

“I’m not a good pastor anymore.”

“I saw you preach when I was back home. Yes, you are. Your sermons are profound, and it would be a shame for them to stop.”

“I’m not talking about just giving sermons. A pastor should be a role model and show other Christians how to walk with God. Cheating on my wife with my ex was the wrong thing to do, but I did it. I don’t deserve to be a leader in the church anymore.”

You were silent after that, unsure of how to respond because he was right, and you knew it. His actions were supposed to reflect the values that he preached, but they just didn’t anymore. The day after the first time you hooked up with him he gave a sermon about the importance of staying faithful to your spouse, for fuck’s sake. The congregation at your former church would not respond well to their pastor not practicing what he preached, literally.

Dongyoung broke the awkward silence that had formed by saying, “Please, just let me be there for the baby once they’re born. I want to have a bond with both of my kids.”

You thought for a minute before you said, “Fine. We’ll talk about the details another time, though.”

“Thank you.”

“Goodbye, Dongyoung.”

“Goodbye, (Y/N).”

You hung up the phone and sighed, frustrated that your parents broke their promise to you by telling Dongyoung that he was your child’s father. In the end, though, you knew that their hearts were in the right place. It was going to be incredibly difficult, but you were hopeful that eventually you would have a respectful co-parenting relationship with Dongyoung.

The rest of the week was a blur for Joy as she waited for the time to come to confront her husband about what she’d heard. When it did come, she dropped Jaehyun off at her parents’ house, thanking them profusely for watching him for the weekend. Then, she went home and waited for Dongyoung to come home from a meeting with other church leaders. While she waited, she did whatever she could to keep herself busy and avoid stressing herself out too much before the moment came. She cooked her favorite meal to gather her strength for the difficult conversation that was to come. She cleaned her house until every surface in it could be used as a mirror. She even finished crocheting a book cover that she’d started as a surprise for Dongyoung. Instead of saving the gift to give to her cheating husband, however, she decided to give it to her best friend, Jungwoo.

Sure, Joy met Jungwoo through Dongyoung, but in the years since she had gotten married, she had grown significantly closer to Jungwoo than her husband had ever been. At times Dongyoung was even suspicious of how close Joy and Jungwoo were, but Joy always met his concerns with grace and compassion, proving time and time again that her bond with Jungwoo was strictly platonic. Now that Joy knew that her husband had cheated on her, however, she was feeling spiteful.

It was wrong for Joy to think this way while she was married, and she knew it, but she was starting to wonder if Jungwoo would want to go on a date or two with her. She would never pursue him while she was still married, of course. However, she was planning to file for divorce, and she would have been lying to herself if she’d said she wasn’t at least considering a relationship with Jungwoo after the divorce was finalized.

Joy was pulled out of her thoughts of Jungwoo by her husband walking through the door.  When Dongyoung got to the table where she sat, he tried to kiss her and tell her how much he missed her while he wasn’t home. She moved away from him, however, and said, “Sit down. We need to talk.”

Panic settled in Dongyoung’s chest when he heard the tone in Joy’s voice. Had she found out about your pregnancy? There was no way that she had. He’d been alone in his office when your mother called him, and he was pretty sure that she was at the park with Jaehyun when he took the call. He took a deep breath to try to calm his growing anxiety before he said, “What’s wrong, my love?”

“Don’t start with that shit. I heard you on the phone the other day. Another woman is pregnant with your baby?”

He wanted to deny it, but he knew that denial would only end poorly for him. So, he hung his head in shame and said, “(Y/N) is pregnant. There’s a good chance that I’m the father,” his voice barely above a whisper.

Deep down, Joy knew that you were the other woman. However, actually hearing her husband admit to cheating on her with an “old friend” cut deeper than any knife she’d ever hurt herself with while making him dinner. The admission made her want to break down and cry, but she still tried desperately to keep her composure when she said, “What does she have that I don’t, Dongyoung? Why would you do betray me like that? Was everything that I’ve done over the course of our marriage not enough for you? Was everything that my family did not enough for you? My parents vouched for you when you applied for the job at the church! My sister helped you write your first sermon, for fuck’s sake!”

“I’m sorry, I-”

“No, don’t lie to me. You’re not sorry, you’re just apologizing because you got caught.” There was a beat of silence before Joy asked, “Did you think about me at all while you were with her? Did you think about your son at all?”

Dongyoung was silent. He knew that he should say something, anything, to tell Joy that he still cared about her, but he just couldn’t find the words. The silence made Joy even angrier, though, since all she could think about was how hurt she was that the man that had promised to love her for the rest of their lives was happy to leave her at home while he had sex with someone else.

Joy was tired of the silence, so she decided to be the one to break it by saying, “I want a divorce, Dongyoung.”

“Ok.”

“Is that really all you have to say for yourself? Just ‘ok?’”

“What else is there to say? Do you want me to try to change your mind? It seems like you’ve decided, and I’m not gonna be the asshole that tells you that you can’t have a divorce.”

“And yet you’ll be the asshole that cheats on me? If you’d stayed faithful, I wouldn’t be asking for a divorce right now!” Joy yelled before breaking down in tears. There was another beat of silence before she whispered, “I just want to know that you love me.”

“I care about you.”

“But do you love me?”

Again, Dongyoung was silent.

“That’s what I thought. I’m spending the weekend with Jaehyun and my parents. We’ll sort out the divorce on Monday. I can’t be around you right now.”

“I understand.”

“No, you don’t,” Joy said as she gathered the bags she’d packed earlier and left for her parents’ house.

When Joy left, and Dongyoung found himself alone at the kitchen table, the only thing that he had the strength to do was cry. At this point, he had no idea why he was even crying. He didn’t really care about trying to figure it out though, since there were too many emotions swirling around his brain for him to even try to make sense of. He just sobbed until he fell asleep alone at his kitchen table.

The following day, after church services were over, Dongyoung thought about calling you. He knew that you probably weren’t busy, since you never were on Sundays, but he was a little bit worried about you being angry with him for calling. After a bit more contemplation, though, he reasoned with himself that he was only calling to let you know about the divorce and ask for news regarding your baby. Sure, you were early in your pregnancy, but he still wanted to know how you and his soon-to-be second child were faring. So, he picked up the phone and dialed your number.

Once again, you were surprised to find that Dongyoung was calling you. You knew that you needed to get used to it, however, since he was probably more excited about your baby’s arrival than you were, if that was even possible. It was kind of funny, in a way. When you were a kid, you swore that you would never have kids. Now that you were actually pregnant, though, you couldn’t wait to be a mom. You’d spent the entire time that you’d known about your pregnancy preparing however you could with help from Nayeon and Jisoo. They were really the best friends you could have asked for, going to the store for whatever your newest craving was and helping you pick out items like cribs and onesies. It was early to start picking things out for the baby, sure, but you were too excited to wait.

Your phone continuing to ring snapped you out of your thoughts. When you first answered the phone, Dongyoung was silent. When he finally did speak, he said, “Hey, (Y/N). How is my baby doing?” He sounded tired when he spoke, though, and it seemed like he’d been crying.

“They’re ok so far. I just had a check-up, actually. The doctor said that everything is normal, and the baby is healthy.” There was a brief silence before you added, “Have you been crying?”

“That’s actually part of the reason that I called. I have some news.”

“What is it?”

“Joy and I are getting a divorce. She knows about us.”

You were silent as you processed the information. How had she found out? You wondered for a moment if your parents had told her, but you were pretty sure that they wouldn’t do that. They’d wanted you and Dongyoung to be back together, sure, but they would never end a marriage over it. That still left you with more questions than answers, and you really wanted to know what happened. So, you asked, “How did she find out?”

“I think that she overheard the call with your mom, but I’m not completely sure. Your parents wouldn’t have told her, right?”

“No, absolutely not.”

“Alright. Regardless of how she found out, she knows now, so the divorce process is starting tomorrow.”

“Are you ok?”

“I’m really not, but I will be.” There was a moment of silence again before Dongyoung quietly added, “Would you want to get dinner next weekend?”

“Are you asking to go out as friends, or are you asking me on a date?”

“A date?” he asked, sounding uncertain before he corrected himself and said, “A date.”

“That is a really bad idea, Dongyoung. I will happily keep you updated with the baby and let you see them whenever you want, and I don’t mind trying to be friends, but I do not think that we should be in a romantic relationship.”

“It’s one date, (Y/N). I’m not asking you to marry me or anything. Besides, we’re having a baby. We could have the life that we wanted in college.”

“No. We’re not a good fit for each other anymore. Plus, you’re not even divorced yet. Give yourself some time to heal before you try to get into another relationship. Please?”

Dongyoung sighed before he reluctantly said, “You’re right. I still would like to see you so that we can talk about the baby, though. Would it be possible for me to come to your apartment next weekend?”

You thought for a minute before you said, “Let me talk to my roommates about it. If it does happen, though, it is only to talk about the baby and catch up as friends. Nothing more, ok?”

“Ok. Nothing more.”

“Thank you. I have to go now, since I made plans to get dinner with Nayeon and Jisoo tonight. Bye, Dongyoung.”

“Bye.”

You hung up the phone and started to get ready to go out with your friends. You weren’t going anywhere fancy, just a local diner, but you still wanted to dress up a little bit. You were going to celebrate both your pregnancy and Nayeon’s new job, after all. So, you put on a nice blouse in your favorite color and a pair of black slacks, along with the nicest shoes that you owned. When you were ready, you found Nayeon and Jisoo and left for the restaurant.

Going out for a nice-ish dinner with your best friends was exactly what you needed after the stress of the last few weeks. A celebration of a new chapter in life with the people that you cared about lifted your spirits greatly, and it seemed to have the same effect on Nayeon and Jisoo. As the three of you ate your favorite foods and talked about anything and everything that you could think of, you felt closer to them than you ever had. In that moment, you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would be there for you no matter what.

Near the end of your meal, you got Nayeon and Jisoo’s attention and said, “Before we go home for the night, I’d like to say a few things.”

“Is everything ok?” Jisoo asked.

“Yeah, everything is fine,” you began. “I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge how amazing you both are. I don’t know if I’ve ever told either of you this, but I’d never really had friends that didn’t treat me like shit before I met you guys.. Nayeon, thank you for everything that you’ve done for me, especially since finding out about the baby, and congratulations on getting your dream job. You’re gonna crush it when you start, I just know it. Jisoo, thank you for being the glue that holds this little group together. I am so proud of how much you’ve grown as a person in the time that I’ve known you, and I am so lucky that I got to witness it. You’re amazing.” A few tears fell from your eyes as you spoke, but you didn’t try to wipe them away, since you were too focused on getting your point across to care.

“We love you, (Y/N). No matter what happens, I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we’re always gonna be here for you,” Jisoo said.

“I think I can also speak for both of us when I say that we appreciate everything that you’ve done for us. I mean, without you I wouldn’t have had the guts to apply for this job, and now I get to live my dream with the best friends I could have asked for by my side,” Nayeon added.

After a tear-filled toast to your friendship, the three of you finished your meals, and you paid the bill. As you drove home, the three of you sang along to your favorite songs like nothing else mattered. And in that moment, you really didn’t need to worry. You didn’t have to think about Dongyoung, or your concerns that you wouldn’t be a good enough mother, or asshole coworkers. All that you had to think about was the next line of the song as you sang along with your best friends.

When the three of you got home, you played video games together until you all had to go to sleep for work the next morning. You laughed whenever Nayeon or Jisoo lost, and you raged every time you lost, which made your friends laugh. It was one of the best nights of your life, and you knew that you would never be able to thank Nayeon and Jisoo enough for everything that they were to you.

Weeks passed by before you heard from Dongyoung again. You wanted to be frustrated that he seemingly dropped off the face of the earth after asking to see you again, but you knew that he was probably incredibly busy. At one point, you considered reaching out to him to see how he was doing. You got pretty busy yourself, though, since another school year had just begun. Your students this year were just as rambunctious as the previous year, and it would have been a lie to say that you weren’t considering quitting and going into a different field entirely. You always thought about quitting when a new year started, but you never actually followed through with it. You loved your job far too much to ever leave it behind.

When you did eventually hear from Dongyoung, it was on a random Friday after you got home from work. You were still a bit overwhelmed from another chaotic day, but oddly enough, you felt relieved when you saw his name flash across your phone. You answered the phone, and the first thing he asked was, “Are you busy tomorrow?”

“No, why?”

“Can I come see you?”

“I’ll make sure it’s ok with Nayeon and Jisoo, but it should be fine. Why?”

“I just need to get out of here. The other church leaders found out about the divorce and the affair, so I might be losing my job soon. Plus, Joy has been fighting me for custody of Jaehyun. I wanted to go for 50/50, but she’s trying to get full custody.”

“That sounds like a lot. Give me just a minute to ask if it’s ok for you to come by.”

You set your phone down and found Nayeon and Jisoo in the living room. When you asked them if they were ok with Dongyoung visiting, they both said yes. You thanked them and went back to your room, where you picked up your phone and said, “They’re fine with it. What time?”

The two of you agreed on when Dongyoung could visit your apartment, and you gave him your address. Then, the two of you talked about everything but the stress you were both feeling. For a little while, you reminisced about your relationship when the two of you were in high school, as well as the partial summer that you’d spent together that resulted in your pregnancy. It was embarrassing to admit, but you couldn’t help but get turned on when you thought about the events of the previous summer. If the way that Dongyoung spoke was any indication, he was feeling it too. You both knew better than to act on it, however, so you quickly changed the subject.

Eventually, you had to end the call and get some chores around your apartment done. As you cleaned your kitchen and folded laundry, however, all you could think about was Dongyoung. You could hardly wait for him to come see you, and you would have been lying if you’d said that you weren’t hoping to get at least a little bit of action when he visited. Was it wrong? Absolutely. Did you care in the moment? Absolutely not.

Against your better judgement, you found yourself texting Dongyoung before you went to bed. The message just said, “What do you wanna do tomorrow?” It sounded innocent enough, but you knew that if he wanted to read more into it, he would.

A few minutes later, you got a text that said, “Whatever you want, beautiful,” with a winking emoji. When you read it, you couldn’t help but think that there were a lot of things that you wanted to do with him. Evidently, he wanted to do those things, too.

The next day, you woke up earlier than you typically did on weekends, since you wanted to make sure that you had sufficient time to get ready to see Dongyoung. Nayeon and Jisoo got ready to go out while you waited, having made plans to be out of your apartment all day. The intention was to give the two of you some time to yourselves to make plans for after the baby was born. What you were planning to do with the alone time instead was a terrible idea, and you knew that they would tell you that, so you didn’t bother to correct their assumption.

When you finally heard a knock on your door, you could hardly contain your excitement. For a minute, you thought about whether you should wait to answer and leave Dongyoung on his toes. You were too desperate for that, however, so you practically ran to open your front door.

When you opened the door and actually saw Dongyoung standing in front of you, you weren’t quite sure how to feel. Sure, you were excited due to your successful flirting the night before, but you were also incredibly nervous. It was odd for you, if you were being honest, since you didn’t typically feel nervous around him. Not like this, at least. Rather than the welcome butterflies in your stomach that you were used to with him, however, you felt like there were angry wasps in your guts that were desperate to escape. The feeling of dread went away, though, when Dongyoung smiled at you and said, “Hi.”

“Hi. Would you like to come in?”

“Sure.”

You moved out of the way for Dongyoung to enter your apartment and gave him a brief tour, ending, of course, with your bedroom. When the impromptu tour was over, you turned to Dongyoung and said, “What do you wanna do now?”

Before you really had time to process what was happening, Dongyoung pinned you to your bed and said, “You.”

The sudden shift in his demeanor sent a shiver down your spine. Too horny to think about the consequences, you whispered, “Please?”

Within minutes, clothes were on the floor, and Dongyoung was positioning himself on top of you, though he was careful to not put pressure on your stomach. He wasn’t going to give you what you wanted easily, though. He had to tease you first, just to get you extra needy for him. To start the torture on your senses, he left gentle bites all over your neck, loving the moans that fell from your lips as he sunk his teeth into your skin.

When you felt like you couldn’t take it anymore, you begged, “Please fuck me. I need you.”

Dongyoung pretended to think for a moment before he said, “Why should I, baby?”

You were quiet for a minute, unsure of how Dongyoung wanted you to respond. He took the opportunity and went back to his prior teasing. The sounds that came from your mouth as he pleasured you were one of his favorite things, and there was very little that he wouldn’t do to hear them every day for the rest of his life. He knew that the two of you probably would never be together again, at least not the way you were before, but he didn’t want to think about that while he was on top of you, drawing the sweetest sounds out of you while he kissed and bit every inch of you he could comfortably reach.

At a certain point, Dongyoung figured that he’d teased you enough and stopped what he was doing just long enough to ask you, “Do you still want me to fuck you, baby?”

“Fuck, yes,” you said in between moans and whines. “Want you. Please, please, please.”

“God, I love it when you beg for me,” he groaned as he aligned his tip with your entrance. “Are you ready?”

“I’m ready, please just fuck me already!”

Without another word, Dongyoung carefully entered you. You cried out as you finally felt him inside you, and he let out a loud groan as he felt your walls around him. Once you were both ready, he slowly started to thrust in out. It felt incredible, but you still wanted more.

You didn’t have to wait very long at all for Dongyoung to give you exactly what you wanted. After a brief check-in with you to make sure that you would be ok, he pounded into you with no mercy. You only started to moan louder, allowing yourself to get lost in pleasure as he fucked you.

Dongyoung knew from the moment the two of you started that he was going to struggle to last. In his defense, however, sex with you felt better than he ever thought that sex could feel. Maybe it was because of the forbidden nature of his relationship with you, or maybe it was just the fact that you were better in bed than the other women that he’d been with. Either way, he couldn’t get enough of you.

After a while, you started to get desperate. Without really thinking about it, you brought your hand down to where your body met Dongyoung’s and started to rub your clit. He noticed pretty much immediately and moved your hand away. You wanted to complain, but before you could, he placed his own hand where yours had been, teasing your clit while he fucked you.

Within minutes of feeling Dongyoung’s hands on you, you felt the knot in your stomach started to tighten. You tried to warn him that you were close, but instead of the words you intended to say, a loud moan left your mouth as you came undone. Feeling you clench around him as you rode out your high was all that Dongyoung needed to feel his own start to approach, and with a moan, he said, “Fuck, baby. I’m close. Where do you want it?”

“Inside, please. Want you to fill me up. Wanna be yours.”

That was all Dongyoung needed to hear to reach his climax with a drawn-out moan of your name leaving his lips as he filled you with cum. He continued to fuck you through his release until your moans of pleasure turned into whines of pain as overstimulation started to take hold. That was when he carefully pulled out, watching his cum drip out of you. The sight only made him want to fuck you again, but that would have to wait. For now, Dongyoung’s only concern was making sure that you were ok.

Dongyoung carefully helped you to stand once you came down from your high. When he was absolutely certain that you would be able to walk, the two of you made your way to your bathroom. Once you got there, he helped you to step into the shower before stepping in with you.

Dongyoung turned the water on and carefully helped you wash, telling you over and over how much he loved you and how excited he was to have a family with you. You knew that he was only saying it because you let him fuck you again, but it was still nice to hear if you were being honest. Once he was done helping you wash, you did the same for him, and the two of you talked a bit more about your plans for the baby’s arrival.

“How much are you willing to be in the baby’s life, Dongyoung?”

“As much as you’re willing to let me be. I can’t wait to have a child with you. I’m hoping it means that I’ll get to have you,” he replied, mumbling the last part.

You let out a sigh and asked, “You know that we’re not getting back together, right?”

“The way you were talking when I had my dick inside you tells a different story, sweetheart.”

“I just got caught up in the moment. We cannot get back together.”

“Why?”

“It’s just not right. What happens if you move here with me after the baby was born? Is Jaehyun gonna grow up without a father?”

“You have to know I wouldn’t do that. We would figure something out so I could be there for him and our child.”

“Plus, what would the people back home say if they found out that their pastor got a woman that wasn’t his wife pregnant and then made his relationship with her official before the ink on the divorce papers was dry?”

“I don’t care about what anyone else says. All I care about is having you.”

You sighed and said, “Dongyoung, I don’t think that we can have a healthy relationship. Look at how your relationship with Joy went. The fact that you two didn’t seem to have a healthy marriage is the whole reason we’re even in this mess in the first place.”

“Last time I checked, (Y/N), you were a willing participant even after you knew about Joy.”

“And now I am going to have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

Dongyoung was quiet after that, and you thought that he understood. As the two of you finished showering and got dressed, however, he asked, “Just one chance, please?”

You sighed, thinking for a minute before you said, “I don’t know, Dongyoung. I just don’t know.”

Thank you for reading! So excited for this to be a series. If you want to be on the taglist, comment on this post or part 1, send an ask, or send me a dm with the username that you'd like tagged. If you liked this and want to check out my other works, check out my masterlist. If you want to see what else is in the works, you can check my upcoming works list! If none of that interests you, or there's something specific you want to see, feel free to send a request via my asks or dms!

Thank you again for reading, have a wonderful day!

[lov3lymoon96]

A series? Omgg!!! I can’t wait to read some more. amazing!!! 😩😩😩😩

[dibidibidismynameisleeknow]

The First Snow

Pairing: Doyoung x (afab) Reader. Non-idol AU

Synopsis: Christmas themed fake dating.

Characters: Doyoung (of course), roommate Mark and acquaintance Yuta (he's a menace)

Warnings: None. It's all fluff, few swears, maybe angst if you squint, sexual innuendos. No smut, but I'm still uncomfortable with minors interacting.

AN: I'm in my Doyoung era. Word count is 6606. Shout out to my moots for proof reading the fic and the motivation.

I have company over. Hope your date goes well!

Sounds good, thanks for the heads up Mark, and I hope so too.

The company better not be Haechan and Jaemin

Nope, they are taking their ban very seriously

I still haven’t forgiven them for breaking my coffee table

‘One more walk around the block’ you thought to yourself. Thankfully there was still a bit of light and it hadn’t gotten too chilly, although that wouldn’t last long with winter slowly approaching. 

You recently decided to work on your social skills and start dating, but tonight hasn't gone the greatest. It wasn’t the worst date you’ve ever had, but there was no chance of a second one. Aside from him being late, there was no spark, the conversations were dry, there was no way it was going anywhere. So, instead of just going home early, a walk around the block with you as your own company was exactly what you needed. You weren’t hopeless and giving up on love, you were just tired, so very tired.

Mark had offered in the past to set you up with one of his friends, you weren’t sure who he had in mind but you did know that Yuta was not an option, something about being too flirty and just not what you’re looking for. At this point, you might take him up on that offer. Mark is a great guy, so you trusted his judgement, the idea was starting to get tempting. 

“Mark, I’ll take you up on that offer!” You called out, as you stepped into your shared apartment, kicking off your shoes. “Set me up with one of your friends!”

“I volunteer as tribute!” An unfamiliar voice called out, reminding you of your message from Mark. Right, company. 

“Yuta, knock it off!” another voice scolded.

You slowly tried to make your way past the company you embarrassed yourself in front of, but were halted when you nearly bumped into one of Mark’s friends. Doyoung, maybe? His hair was different, shorter and black, instead of the dark blue you saw in photos on Mark’s instagram. You’ve sort of met in passing due to sharing Mark as a mutual friend, but you two always seemed to just pass by each other. If there was an opportunity of being around him you always found a way to make yourself seem busy. You never shared more than a polite hello or goodbye. With that being said, you never expected to have him greet you by name, you’ve never introduced yourselves to each other. 

“I assume you’re joining the three of us. I’ve made popcorn!” 

You couldn’t help but smile at his excitement and couldn’t offer him more than a nod.

This time of year you and Mark had developed a few traditions after living together for the past few years. To get into the holiday spirit you’d watch a few movies, the next morning you would spend the day decorating, then when that was all done you would start baking. Mark didn’t contribute other than buying the ingredients, he was not trusted in the kitchen. 

This was the first time you and Mark had ever had company over for your yearly traditions so in the spirit of the holidays you let Doyoung and Yuta contribute to the movie selection for the evening. Not a single person was pleased (you and Doyoung) with Yuta’s choosing of a horror themed Christmas movie but everyone let him have that win, ‘in the name of festivities’ Yuta would claim.

Maybe a little annoyed or terrified, you couldn’t tell with Doyoung yet, he disappeared into the kitchen for a drink for the two of you. It’s not that Doyoung was picking favourites, it’s just that you were the only one who had his back on the sense that scary Christmas movies were not necessary, and not very festive. 

Once Doyoung was out of earshot, Yuta flew from his seat to sit down beside you, squishing you between himself and Mark. “Hey, you realize you can talk to him, right?”

“No, why on earth would I do that?”

Despite just meeting you, Yuta seemed to catch on how you were acting and couldn’t help himself but add in. “You’re constantly staring at him and it’s kind of creeping everyone out. You’re not subtle at all.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Mark questioned.

“He could hear me!”

This has been the longest you’ve ever been around him, you always tried your best to admire him from afar, just how you liked it. Clearly you weren’t as smooth as you thought, and now you didn’t know how to act. You were in for a terribly long night, especially if you stayed up all night watching movies with the guys.

“Listen, if either of you breathe a word of this to him. I. Will. End. You.”

“My lips are sealed. ” Yuta promised. “Before I go…” Yuta grabbed Mark by the arm and pulled him to the other couch so they could sit with each other, leaving you to try to remain cool about the close proximity to Doyoung you would have to endure for the rest of the evening. 

Just one more movie. That’s doable. Shouldn’t be a problem. That’s only ninety minutes. Then you would call it a night. 

Doyoung placed a hand on your knee and nodded toward your shaking leg. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m going to bed,” you announced, jumping off the couch, disregarding his question and concern for you. 

It was possible that Doyoung thought you were out of ear shot when he asked Mark if he did something wrong.

“She just had a long day.” You took a mental note to text Mark and thank him for having your back so effortlessly. It wouldn’t hurt to add on to that text to make sure that he tells Yuta that he sucks for taking Mark away from you and making you sit with Doyoung. 

The quiet knock on your bedroom alarmed you slightly, you were under the impression that the guys had gone to sleep given how quiet your apartment had gotten over the past hour. It appeared as though you were wrong. After setting your book down with an annoyed sigh you granted the person on the other side of your bedroom permission to enter your room. The last person you were expecting to see though was Doyoung. 

“Hey, I saw that your light was on and I‘m sorry and I know we don’t really know each other and I don’t want to sound like a baby but I was wondering but only if you don’t mind -”

“Doyoung, you’re rambling, what’s up?”

“I’m a little spooked from the stupid scary Christmas movies and was wondering if you minded keeping me company for a bit? But now I see that you’re busy reading and that was really silly of me to ask that of you.” 

“Sure.”

“Wait what?”

“I'm going back to reading my book so just don't be too loud please.”

In all honesty, you really did try to go back to your book, and despite Doyoung not making a peep, he was still distracting. You couldn't help but smile as he paced around your room, trying his best to keep himself entertained. Doyoung was right, you two don't know each other very well but you were certain that out of Mark's friends, he was your favourite. Sure, you always thought Doyoung was cute, but he was also always so polite and quiet whenever you two interacted. He also never broke anything of yours. Maybe you two could get to know each other better. The feeling of your eyes burning on his back was enough to make Doyoung turn around to ask if he was disturbing you and if you wanted him to leave. You didn’t. He was quite peaceful to be around and you were sure you could get used to it.

The notification and vibrations from your phone on the bedside table disturbed your slumber, which had been quite peaceful, even with Doyoung cuddled up to your side, head resting on your abdomen. Carefully, doing your best to make sure you didn’t wake up Doyoung, you grabbed your phone to check who was texting you at this early hour. As you unlocked your phone you noticed that it was in fact one in the afternoon and it was just Mark texting you.

Have you seen Doyoung?

Yea, he’s with me

EXCUSE ME?!?!

I am going to ask you that you kindly chill the fuck out

Did you two? Ya know...

No, literally nothing happened.

Your lame movies scared him, so I kept him company. He just ended up crashing in my room. 

What did you want?

Yuta and I are going to grab coffee, did you two want anything?

Also, it’s decorating day, don’t forget

Finding out Doyoung’s coffee order would entail waking him up but no part of you wanted to disturb him, he looked so peaceful. The slow rise and fall of his chest, the way he had an arm across you all cuddled up to your side. The thought of disturbing him pained you.

“Hey,” you gently called out, trying to calmly wake him and not scare him. “Doyoung, wakey wakey. Did you want coffee?”

“Hmmm, good morning,” Doyoung mumbled, as he snuggled into your side even more, making himself comfortable.  “Did you say coffee?”

After you took his coffee order you informed him that he was more than welcome to stay and help decorate if he wanted, and that it was okay to fall back asleep until the guys came back with your drinks.

Doyoung was more than excited to help decorate once you and Mark reassured him that he was more than welcome to help and that he wasn’t intruding on any traditions. That was the first time your knees have ever gone weak on you. He was so charming and had the most beautiful smile. You couldn’t help but try and think of more ways to make him smile. 

Trying his best to remain subtle, Yuta leaned in close to you to place an ornament on the tree, and whispered in your ear, “you look like you just got shot by cupid’s arrow.”

“Don’t you have better things to do than torment me?”

“Nope, my calendar is wide open.”

Doyoung had been coming around more often since he spent the afternoon participating in your festive traditions. A lot of the time he would come with drinks for everyone, and one time he even came with a snack he thought you would enjoy. There was only one time that he wanted to stop by but you asked that he didn’t because you were terribly sick, so he made sure to have a meal sent to your home and texted you a few ‘get well’ wishes. 

This night was like any other, Mark had Yuta and Doyoung over for dinner and yet somehow you weren’t sick of them yet. Yuta tried breaking the ice asking about everyone’s holiday plans, but you hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. 

“Well, I’ve got a family Christmas dinner next weekend but that’s about it,” Doyoung answered before glancing down at his ringing cell phone. “Speaking of which. I have to take this, it’s my brother.” He politely excused himself to the kitchen to take his personal phone call but Yuta had other plans and followed him out. Mark wasn’t much better, and made it obvious he was listening in.

“You two are so nosey, knock it off.”

“Zip it,” Yuta scolded, waving his hand at you in a way to tell you to stay quiet. That was all the confirmation you needed, Doyoung really was your favourite. 

“Yes, I’ll be there next weekend. Why would mom think I’m bringing a date? You told her that? But I’m not dating anyone! It’s next weekend! Are you crazy? You need to stop worrying about my love life.” 

Mark tried his best to engage you into conversation to cover the fact that he was listening in on his friend’s conversation, but you wouldn’t let him have that satisfaction. Sure, you heard the conversation but it’s not like you had the intention to, Doyoung was just talking about a reasonable volume for you to hear. “Next time I’ll just put it on speaker phone for everyone to hear.”

“Oh, yes please, that would be wonderful,” Yuta agreed. 

Ignoring Yuta’s remark, you asked the million dollar question everyone else was thinking. “So, what’re you going to do?” The three males turned to look at you with mischievous smirks on their faces, like there was something you were clearly oblivious to. “I don’t like the way you’re all looking at me.”

“What’re you doing next weekend?”

“You can’t be serious, Doyoung.”

Doyoung dropped to his knees in front of you, clasping his hands together. “Please. It’s just one night. I need to get my family off my back.”

Mark knew what he had to do to help his friend. “You can’t let him disappoint his mother. She’s such a sweet lady.”

“You play a dirty game, Mark.”

Almost as if to add fuel to the fire Yuta informed you that he would be spending the weekend hanging out with Mark, which was normal, but a break would definitely help your sanity.

“Fine. You’ve got yourself a deal. I’ll do it.”

Doyoung quite literally jumped off the floor and launched himself at you, thanking you profusely for your help.

“Do you ever go home?” Doyoung asked, peeling himself off of you.

“I like it here. I like Mark.”

“Aw, I like you too, Yuta.”

“At this rate you should just move in,” Doyoung joked with him. Yuta’s jaw dropped and looked at you with begging eyes, as if his friend suggested the best plan he had ever heard in his entire life.

“No!”

Tonight’s the night. You were maybe slightly freaking out about the Christmas dinner you were attending this evening, not only were you meeting Doyoung’s family for the first time, but you were doing it as his fake girlfriend. As tempting as the idea may be, you weren’t sure about the quality of your acting skills, and Doyoung would be arriving any moment. While Mark tried his best to distract you, but failed miserably, you tried to focus on wrapping Doyoung’s Christmas present, which Mark had helped shop for, it had to be perfect. 

“Breathe, it’s just Doyoung. His family is pretty cool, you’ll be fine.”

It’s not that you didn’t believe Mark, it’s just that he wasn’t the one lying to Doyoung’s family. 

“Sup losers?” Yuta greeted as he burst through your apartment door, ready for his weekend with Mark. “Damn, you look fine.” 

“Knock it off.” Telling Yuta to leave you alone was almost second nature to Doyoung at this point. It wasn’t the first time, and it probably wouldn’t be the last time either. You were pretty sure it bothered Doyoung more than you, but the fact that he cared was super sweet about it, you wanted to enjoy it. “You do look wonderful though.” He wasn’t so subtle while he checked you out, and Yuta made sure to call him out for it. 

“Just ignore him Doyoung, that’s what I do.”

“And it hurts my feelings every time.”

True to your word, you ignored Yuta’s comment and presented your gift to Doyoung, to which he returned with a gift of his own for you. 

You carefully unwrapped the gift and opened the most beautiful snowglobe.

“Doyoung, you didn’t. This is beautiful,” you gushed, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. “Thank you.”

“Oh, no. Please don’t cry, because then I’ll cry.” Doyoung rushed to open the gift you got for him and was overcome with gratitude that you paid close enough attention to know he loved scented candles. 

Not wanting to interrupt the moment you two were sharing, Mark felt like he was intruding and shoved a small suitcase at you that he and Yuta packed for you. They tried to convince you that you would in fact need it because there was warning of a heavy snowfall later that evening. You were sure that you would be able to make it home in time before the snow got too bad, but they insisted that staying at Doyoung’s apartment was a much safer option for the both of you.

Stopping just shy of the front door of Doyoung’s childhood home, you turned to face him, “Doyoung, I’m freaking out.”

“It’s going to be okay.” Doyoung tried his best to reassure you while gently caressing the side of your arms.

“What if they don’t believe us? What if they catch on that we aren’t actually dating? I don’t want to ruin your family Christmas dinner party.”

“If they do catch on then that’s my problem, so please love, don’t worry. You’re not going to ruin anything, that would be impossible.”

“Love?” you spoke, barely above a whisper, trying to process and confirm that Doyoung actually said that.

“Try not to shy away from affection from me, but let me know if you’re uncomfortable, please.” Picking up on the clear nervousness you were feeling, Doyoung gently placed his palms on the side of your face. He continued to reassure you that everything was going to work out okay and double checked with you that you were okay with everything he had been throwing at you this evening. “You love fake dating.”

“Yeah, in novels!”

“Now it’s your time to shine,” he announced, knocking on the front door.

Letting out a sigh you put on your best poker face. It would only be for a few hours. Aside from the fear of ruining Christmas by lying to his family, you were glad to be helping out a friend, and you really did enjoy spending time with Doyoung, and this was just another one of those times, right? It really was heartwarming that he trusted you enough to do this for him, and you wanted this night to work out smoothly for him. 

“Merry Christmas you two!” His mother greeted, gesturing the two of you inside. So it begins. You turned to Doyoung and looked at him as if to say, “I can’t believe you’re making me lie to this sweet lady.” Doyoung slipped his hand into yours and intertwined your fingers together complete with a little comforting squeeze. 

“Merry Christmas, mom.” 

Once inside Doyoung took over the introductions for you and his family, introducing you as his girlfriend.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t real,” his father chimed in with a joke. “You must be pretty special to my son, he never brings anyone home.” Thankfully his mother jumped in to save you, and scolded her husband for embarrassing the ‘kids’. 

You overheard Doyoung’s mom whisper something about giving you a tour of the house, and you have never been more thankful for anything than you were at that moment. You nodded in agreement when Doyoung asked if you wanted to see the rest of the house, your heart was already in your throat and a break sounded wonderful. 

Looking around to make sure you were alone, Doyoung pulled you into his frame and rested his chin on your shoulder.

“You’re doing great, relax a little.”

“What if they hate me? What if they think I’m not good enough for you?”

“Please don’t say these kinds of things about yourself.” Doyoung pulled himself away from you, and lifted your chin to make eye contact with him. Which did nothing to help the feeling of your heart in your throat, it honestly made it worse. “They’ll love you. I wouldn’t have asked you to do this for me if they were going to dislike you. You’re an amazing friend and I appreciate you. As far as you not being good enough for me, that’s nonsense. I know we’re just friends but you’ve honestly brought so much joy to my life. At this point, I couldn’t imagine you not being a part of it.”

“Okay. Please stop. I’m sorry. If you keep going I might actually fall in love with you.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?”

“Doyoung,” you gasped. “Don’t say those kinds of things, you’re crazy.”

The rest of the evening played out without too many intruding questions from Doyoung’s family; just the classic “how did you meet?” “Who approached who first?” “What drew you to Doyoung?” The last question was quite easy to answer but you didn’t want to expose your true feelings to Doyoung.

“I think I’ve always liked Doyoung, he has always been so polite and thoughtful. But what really stood out to me was when he had dinner delivered to me when I was sick.” There wasn’t a single lie in your answer. Anyone would fall head over heels in love with Doyoung. 

Of course your answers warmed his mother’s heart, “We raised quite the gentleman, didn’t we?” 

The suspected upcoming weather brought the night to a close, unfortunately. Being with Doyoung’s family had been a heartwarming experience and you were sad to see it end. Although ‘I told you so’ wasn’t said, you knew Doyoung was thinking it, his family loved you and invited you to every future family event. You couldn’t turn the offer down once you were promised with baby pictures of Doyoung.

Mark was right, the snow was starting to pick up, which was your cue to call it a night and head home. The only problem was that there was no possible way that Doyoung would be able to drive you home and make it back to his apartment safely. You mentally curse them for being right, but were grateful that they took some initiative to make sure everyone remained safe in the weather.

“I don’t want to assume…” Doyoung began, “but Mark and Yuta did pack you an overnight bag.”

“I honestly don’t mind spending the night at your place. Plus, I’d rather be snowed in with you than be stuck with Mark and Yuta.”

“Fair enough, let’s go.”

The roads weren’t terrible yet, but you knew you made the right choice to spend the night with Doyoung. You could only hope that it would only be one night, you didn’t want to overstay your welcome and be a burden to him. Sure, there was that night Doyoung slept in your bed because the scary movies were too much for him, but you sleeping on his couch and avoiding him at all costs sounded like a pretty solid and logical plan. Recently you’ve found yourself enjoying Doyoung’s company more and more and you weren’t exactly sure what to do with that information. 

Doyoung left you to get himself ready for bed while you stayed in his room unpacking your overnight bag that Mark and Yuta had packed for you. Nothing could have prepared you for what you saw when you opened the suitcase your friends had packed for you. You let out a string of vulgar curse words upon opening, alarming Doyoung in the process. This had Yuta  written all over it. 

He came running into the bedroom, a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and toothpaste all over his face, needing to know what was wrong. You reached into the suitcase and pulled out the culprit for your annoyance and anger; Christmas themed lingerie.

“I may not be Santa but you can still sit on my lap.”

“Doyoung!”

“I’m kidding, I’m sorry.” Doyoung cowered and slowly backed out of his bedroom yelling out to you to wear something of his and that he would deal with Yuta. 

After finding a more appropriate pair of pajamas you joined Doyoung to finish up your own nightly routine. 

“Here.” Doyoung handed you a package of facial cleansing wipes. “They probably didn’t pack you anything.” He was right, but they at least had the common sense and decency to pack you a toothbrush and toothpaste. With a questioning look you glanced over at Doyoung who was not so subtly staring at you with a huge smile. 

“What?”

“You’re just really cute. This is actually kind of nice, I'm actually really looking forward to spending this next little bit of time with you.”

Blushing, you shook your head and wished him a good night before the conversation went any further and you still had some composure left. 

The next morning was quiet and peaceful. There were no cars on the road, you had no loud roommate and loud friends to worry about, no background noises aside from the sound of the coffee machine brewing coffee. You just stood in front of the balcony admiring the serenity of the morning, and the undisturbed soft snow when a warm cup of coffee was placed in your hands. 

“It’s nice isn’t it?”

“I don’t want to leave,” you admitted. “It’s so calm. Thank you for letting me stay here. I hope I’m not in your hair for much longer and you can have your space back soon.”

Doyoung moved himself closer to you and pulled you into his side, so you used this opportunity to lean in closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder. It wouldn’t last much longer so why not enjoy it while you can? “Don’t worry about it. I like having you around.”

You were able to go home the following evening, the roads were clear, the snow stopped but Doyoung insisted that you stay for dinner, there was no way he was going to send you home hungry. How could you say no?

“How were your two nights with your lover boy?”

“Fuck. At least let me get my shoes off. Do you ever fucking go home Yuta?”

“I take it that the lingerie I packed was pointless because that is not the attitude of someone who got laid.”

“I’m not in the mood to deal with you right now Yuta.” 

Mark tried his best to mediate the hostility you threw towards Yuta, but stopped when he became a victim of your attitude too. Luckily for his sake Mark knew it was best to give you space and time to cool down before approaching you any further. 

“Please talk to me,” Mark begged through the opposite side of your bedroom door. “What’s wrong? How can I fix it?”

“What’s wrong?” you repeated loudly. “What’s wrong?” Almost as if his question triggered more anger out of you, you ripped open your bedroom door coming face to face with a terrified Mark. “I don’t know, maybe the fact that your friend embarrassed me so badly in front of Doyoung? Maybe what’s wrong is that I was pushed into this stupid position of having to act like his girlfriend when you and Yuta both know damn well how I feel about Doyoung. Maybe because I’m crazy about your friend and there isn’t a single fucking thing I can do about it.”

“I am so sorry. I never thought about it like that.”

“Save it.”

There was bound to be a time you and Mark had a sort of falling out, but as long as you had been friends you figured it would be because Mark never closes the kitchen cupboards or because of the time he scratched your car. You never imagined it would be over a guy you had feelings for. To top it off, it was Doyoung of all people. Possibly the kindest person you ever met; he cleans up after himself, always checks in on other people, and he cooks really good eggs, unlike a certain roommate of yours. The upside of being friends for so long was that you were able to move on quickly from the minor dispute, which really just entailed that you distance yourself from Yuta and slowly limit your interactions with Doyoung until they were no longer. Yuta still did come around periodically, less than what was normal, but he at least stayed to himself and minded his business. Which had worked for the past few weeks until he and Mark confronted you about ghosting their dear friend.

“I never should have done that with Doyoung. I wish I could go back and undo all of it.”

“We both know you don’t mean that.” Yuta tried his best to reason with you. “But they should have been done differently, and I really am sorry about all of that.”

Over the past week or so you started to come to terms with your feelings for Doyoung and that had been a rollercoaster of emotions, and a headache all on its own. So, the only logical explanation was to avoid him and slowly push him away in hopes that things would go back to normal.

“So, let me get this straight,” Mark began. “You’ve had a crush on Doyoung for awhile now, comforted him after a night of scary movies, spent all of your free time with him, got to know him, agreed to be his fake girlfriend, met his family, spent multiple nights with him during a snowstorm and you thought there was a normal setting for your relationship with him? If I were you I would have fallen in love with him too.”

“Wow, Mark. Could you be any more blunt?”

“Yea, I can actually. You’re an idiot.”

“An idiot in love,” Yuta cooed.

“It doesn’t matter anyways. We didn’t agree on this, the holidays are almost over, mission accomplished. We were fine without each other before, we’ll be just fine without each other now. I don’t need to burden him with my feelings, the act is over. It’s not like he feels the same way about me or he would have asked me out like a normal person instead of going through all that trouble.”

“About that…” Yuta muttered, as he sunk into the couch. “That may have been my idea… he never shuts up about you and may have told Mark and I about the night he crashed with you. I may have also suggested that he ask you to play the role of his girlfriend. It sounded like something out of those romance novels you love so much.”

“We may have also tried to act as wingmen for the two of you,” Mark admitted. “We knew the whole time that Doyoung was terrified of horror movies, and we might have also helped him pick out a Christmas gift for you because he wanted to do something nice and impress you.”

“What are the two of you trying to say?”

“That Doyoung is crazy about you and that the two of you are blind and very out of tune with your own feelings and unaware of how to navigate the dating scene,” Yuta answered as if he had that memorized.

“Yuta and I thought it was obvious.” Mark tried to defend their actions, which so clearly backfired. “You should see the way the two of you look at each other. Even when you’re not around each other, your moods have changed, you’re both so much happier.”

“Doyoung looks like he’s floating on a cloud half the time and giving you heart eyes anytime you so much as breathe in his presence,” Yuta added in. “If you could see yourselves, you would be nauseous. That’s how Mark and I feel at least.”

“I don’t know if you’re insulting us or trying to help.”

“Trying to help,” Mark answered as Yuta replied, “both.”

“So, should I go talk to him, or-”

“If you made me waste all of that oxygen and you don’t go talk to him. I swear-”

The meaningless threat from Yuta was enough to make you jump off the couch and race for the door.

“Go get him!” Mark called out while you not so elegantly struggled with your boots and ran out of the apartment. 

The drive to Doyoung’s apartment filled you with an array of feelings and emotions from nervousness to excitement and everything in between. Overcome with emotions and trying to prepare the words you wanted to say to Doyoung you realized you missed your turn…or a few because nothing in the area looked familiar at all. You thought you knew how to get to his place, but obviously that wasn't the case, and you had never been to this area of town, so turning around and trying to find your way back home would be useless. Maybe this was the year to ask Mark for a GPS for Christmas. You pulled over to the side of the road to try and collect yourself and maybe call for help or decent directions. Doyoung. You were on your way to see him anyways, so why not get a head start?

“Hey, Doyoung.”

“What do you want?” The answer from Doyoung was nothing like you had ever expected from him. His tone was so short and cold. 

“I was actually hoping we could talk.”

“Why? So you can tell me that you regret getting to know me and spending all that time with me? To tell me that you wish you could go back and undo everything? Save me the heartbreak because I don’t want to hear it. Please, lose my number.”

“Doyoung, it’s not like that! I swear!”

“I actually stopped by earlier to see you and heard you talking to Mark and Yuta. I know what I heard, you can’t tell me it’s not like that.”

“Well, you heard wrong, maybe you should have eavesdropped a bit longer before sneaking back out. But if you want to act like a child instead of having a conversation with me like an adult. Fine. Be my guest.” 

You wanted nothing more than to slam the phone, but times have changed and aggressively pushing the end call button didn’t have the same satisfaction to it. This left you to text Mark for help, and also let him know that things backfired horribly beyond repair.

Hey, I got lost

Send me your location

Just a few moments after sending Mark your location, your phone rang with an unknown number, but something inside you begged for you to answer it, just this once. With a shake of your head you went to answer the call, but the ringing stopped. While giving the phone a confused look on who could be calling you, it rang again with the same number, clearly it wasn’t an accident. 

You answered with a quiet and skeptical hello.

“You’re lost? What’re you doing? What were you thinking?”

“Doyoung?”

“I’m on my way to you, I’ll be there soon. Mark sent me your location.”

“Thank you.”

Sure, you knew Doyoung wasn’t a monster but him coming to save you was a bit of a shock, he did just tell you to lose his number, but that’s a problem for another day. The help was appreciated, regardless of who it was, but there was nothing you wanted more than to just go home. Your energy levels were severely depleted to deal with whatever was going on between you and Doyoung. 

It didn’t take him too long after your phone call ended to show up, he didn’t even bother to knock on the car door but helped himself into the passenger seat.

“I heard you were on your way over to my place.” 

Unaware of if it was a question or statement you nodded in confirmation anyways. “I really needed to talk to you. I was just informed that we have a pair of very meddling friends.”

“Before we start, I just need you to know how sorry I am for speaking to you the way I did earlier. I lost my cool, that’s not me, I have no excuses and you didn’t deserve that in the slightest.”

“I forgive you but can we please go somewhere and talk? I don’t really want to have this conversation on the side of the road.”

“I know a great cafe not far from here if you’re in the mood for coffee? My treat.”

“Make it a gingerbread latte and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

Doyoung watched as you swirled your cup around while trying to gather your thoughts.

“Mark kind of gave me a rundown on the rest of the conversation I missed. But I still want to hear your side and what you meant when you said you wanted to undo everything.”

“Yuta did a pretty good job at summarizing that I wish things worked out differently with you.”

“This has absolutely been a crazy month for us,” Doyoung admitted. “I just want to air out right now that I’ve always had feelings for you and I kind of figured out that you felt the same about me. I was just too nervous to explicitly say anything. I wasn’t sure how serious your feelings were. So when I went to stop by your apartment today and I overheard your conversation I was devastated.”

“I do have one question. Why did you come to find me? How come it wasn’t Mark?”

“He called to tell me that you got lost trying to make it to my place and then when I found out exactly why you were coming to see me I actually told Mark to send me your location.”

“We severely miscommunicated, huh?”

That was when you started to tell Doyoung your side of the story. He came into your life officially and regularly at a weak point and how you’ve always harboured a silly secret little crush on him then how it only got worse as time went on. Then how you were too busy in your own head trying to make sure you didn’t get attached and yet never picked up on how he might be feeling.

“We were both too shy to say anything by the sounds of things.”

“I wish I would have told you that being your fake girlfriend wouldn’t have worked because of how I felt about you. It felt a bit too real the entire time. Which I honestly should have expected.”

“I’m sorry for putting us through that. I thought giving you the opportunity to live out your favourite romance theme was a good idea.”

“Well, what’s done is done. As much as this was the wrong way to do things, all we can do is move on.”

“If you want some space and want to stay friends then I totally understand. I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.”

“Actually, Doyoung. I’d like to start over but as two people who very clearly and obviously have feelings for each other and they both know it.”

Doyoung smiled that gummy smile of his at you that always made you weak in the knees. “Hi, I’m Doyoung. I would love to take you on a date if you’re interested.” He reached out to shake your hand and you couldn’t hold back the grin that plastered itself across your face, grateful that he was serious about the two of you.

“Hi, Doyoung. It’s really nice to meet you and I would love to go on a date with you.”

The moment with Doyoung was cut short by an employee clearing their throat to try and get your attention.

“As endearing as that moment was I’m afraid that I need to ask the two of you to leave, the cafe closed as of twelve minutes ago.”

You and Doyoung apologized to the workers for staying past closing time, but you were thankful that they were nice enough to at least let you finish your love story.

[lov3lymoon96]

Omg this was the sweetest thing ever 😭😭😭✋🏻❤️ I loved it

[babbymochiiii]

🔞 I Just Wanna Be Yours: KIM DOYOUNG

↪︎Pairing: Idol! Doyoung x Female! Reader

↪︎Genre: smut, crack

↪︎Warnings: best friends to lovers, believing feelings are one sided, slight mention of an abusive adult, drinking and getting “drunk,” mention of sleeping with idols, make out, hickies, biting, oral (f receiving), fingering, sex without condom (y’all wrap that shit up we don’t want anything), call count of 3 times for daddy, after care.

↪︎Synopsis: Doyoung comes back from tour and tries to wake you up from your sleep to get you up and ready for your “Best Friend Date.” A couple of weeks later, Doyoung is concerned as he hasn’t heard from after the two days from your date. As Taeyong approaches Doyoung to ask him why he seemed so concerned, you call causing relief to flood through Doyoung but he sense something is wrong which cause him to leave his practice. Once arriving your apartment he realizes something is wrong and comforts you instantly. Since you had fallen asleep, Doyoung went out to the nearest convenient store and bought Soju. Upon getting drunk with one another, true feelings are revealed.

↪︎Word Count: 5k words

“Five more minutes.” You mumbled as you snuggled closer to your pillow with a content smile on your face.

“Y/N!” Doyoung chuckles as he tries to wake you up from your slumber. “Is this how you really wanna start our best friend date when I come back from tour?” He says teasingly as he looks at you with a wide smile.

“Mm, five more Doy.”

Rolling his eyes, Doyoung huffs out air as he runs his hand through his hair. A smirk soon following at the idea that popped into his head.

“Humph!” You let out as your eyes widen at the sudden weight on your back. “Doyoung!” You squealed as you tried to pry him off of you.

Doyoung laughs as he only adds more of his weight onto your back. “Mmm, this is comfortable.” He says as he gets more comfortable on your back.

“Oh my Gods, Doyoung get off of me!” You said as you tried to roll underneath him and face him.

“I’ll get off, if you tell me you love me.” Doyoung said as he looked at you with a wide smile on his face.

“Are you serious right now? Doyoung I need to breathe!” You protested as you looked at your best friend with a frown on your face.

“Until you tell me, I won’t get off.” Doyoung said as he shook his head from side-to-side.

Rolling your eyes, you took hold of Doyoung’s face and squished his cheeks together as you made sure the two of you made eye contact. You smiled widely as you felt yourself get lost in his eyes. “Kim Doyoung, I love you.”

Hearing you say this, Doyoung felt his heart literally skip a beat in his chest before it sped up causing him to feel slightly dizzy.

Keeping his promise, Doyoung pushes himself off of you and makes his way towards the door and leans against the doorway.

“Are you just going to stand there while I get ready?”

Doyoung shrugs his shoulders with a straight look on his face. “What do you want me to?” He says as he looks at you with a playful gleam in his eyes.

A laugh leaves your lips as you take the pillow besides you and throw it at Doyoung. “Pervert!” You jokingly called him as the two of you erupted with more laughter.

Doyoung continues to laugh before his demeanor becomes serious. “I thought you liked it when I got all perverted with you?”

You cringed at what he said but you couldn’t stop the smile forming on your face. Taking hold of the other pillow on your bed, you threw it towards him. “Get out Doy!” You said with another laugh.

Doyoung laughs as well as he raises his hands in surrender before leaving the room to let you get ready for your date.

————

“So, where are we going?” You asked curiously as you looked at your best friend with a curious look on your face.

“Firstly, we’re going to have a picnic by Han River and secondly, we’ll walk around for a bit.” Doyoung said as he swung his arm around your shoulders as the two of you continued to walk down the street of your apartment complex before reaching his car.

“Isn’t that quite K-Drama like?” You asked as you scrunch your nose in slight confusion.

“Yes, and I know how much you like these types of things.” Doyoung said as he started the car.

“You’re right I do.” You said as you smiled widely at Doyoung before leaning towards him and placing a chaste kiss onto his cheek before buckling your seatbelt.

Doyoung felt his ears and face turn a slight shade of red as a nervous scoff left his lips before he drove off to your destination.

———

“Oh my Gods you brought our favorite foods!” You squealed as you looked at the food Doyoung brought with heart eyes.

“Of course I did. I need you to eat somehow.”

“Listen, knowing the two of us we’re going to end up eating from the street food stalls even if we are full.” You said as you smirked towards Doyoung before you dug into the food.

“Touché.” Doyoung mumbled to himself as he started to dig into the food.

As the two of you ate, Doyoung couldn’t help but stare at you as you would make small comments about the food or how beautiful the day is. He just couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as the warm feeling flooded through him.

“Doyoung!”

Doyoung snapped out of his thoughts as he looked at you who was giving him a weirded out look. “Hmm?” He hummed as he chews the food in his mouth while blinking slowly towards you as he tried to compose himself.

“I asked if you were going to eat that dumpling?” You said as you pointed towards the dumpling with your chopsticks.

Noticing the hunger in your eyes while you stared at the dumpling, Doyoung chuckled as he picked up the dumpling and handed it towards you. “Here you go princess.”

You narrowed your eyes playfully towards Doyoung and pointed your chopsticks at him. “What did I say about calling me “princess” Doy?”

“Oh no! Are you going to stab me with your chopsticks?” Doyoung said as he looked at you faux terror on his face.

“Better — ima stick them up your ass.” You said as you smiled at him innocently.

Doyoung stopped eating and looked at you with wide eyes. Actually frightened by the thought of you actually sticking chopsticks up his ass.

You snickered at his expression as you went to eat the dumpling he gave you with a content smile on your face.

After a couple of seconds of silence, Doyoung looks at you with a worried expression. “You won’t actually shove them up my ass right?”

This caused you to laugh out.

———

After eating, the two of you started to walk along the Han River. The two of you stopped once in a while to take photos of one another and the scenery around the two of you.

You both shared inside jokes with one another that would cause you to laugh out loudly, causing people around to look at the two of you weirdly.

As you have said, you both have stopped at multiple street food stalls due to the either smell of the food in the air or because of how good the images used for advertisement looked.

You both started to walk towards Doyoung’s car once it was past sundown. You huddled closely towards Doyoung as the wind blowing through the river was cold, so you tried to contain the heat around the two of you.

“Remember the time you walked in on me on top of Taeyong and you thought you walked in on something going down?” Doyoung asked as he tried not to laugh at the memory.

Your eyes widen at the memory before you giggled to yourself. “I could’ve sworn I walked in on you guys about to make out or about to have seggy time when I walked in.” You said as you laughed a bit more.

“Seggy time?” Doyoung questioned as he looked at her with an amused brow raised.

“Yeah you know — sex. The birds and the bees, the nasty. Secret time as Yuta will say.” You say with a shrug while you tried not to laugh at Doyoung’s expression.

Doyoung laughs in disbelief as he shakes his head as he’s listening to you name the different way sex can be called. “Whatever you say princess.”

You glare towards him but you shake it off as you shudder due to the cold suddenly, causing you to wrap your arms around Doyoung’s left arm in hopes of saving some of the warmth.

This caused Doyoung to tense up slightly as he felt your cold hands around his arm. Doyoung looks down at you with a wide smile on his face and he lets himself relax in your hold.

“Y/N?” Doyoung softly says your name as you continue to walk.

“Yeah Do?” You responded back softly as you placed your head on his shoulder.

“I like the way I am with you.” Doyoung says but could feel the shakiness in his voice which causes him to look away from you.

You angled your head slightly in order to look at his face and smiled at him. “I like the way I am with you as well Do.” You said as you tighten your hold on his arm.

Doyoung smiled weakly at his words. Feeling slightly heart broken knowing that your feelings for him aren’t the same as his are for you but, all that mattered in that moment is that he is happy at the thought of somewhat having you in his arms.

───── ༘♡ ·˚

Doyoung took hold of the water bottle that he left on the side of the practice room and took a sip of it.

Taeyong approached Doyoung with a concerned look on his face.

“Is something wrong? You seemed tense while we were practicing the dance routine.” Taeyong said as he looked at Doyoung with a slight frown as he had a feeling he knew what it was about but decided to wait for him to tell him.

“Nothing just-“

And in that moment, his phone rang. Confused as to who could be calling him right now, he went into his bag and took out the ringing phone.

Your name flashed across the screen which caused him to sigh in relief as he’s been concerned about you for a couple of weeks since he hasn’t heard from you after two days from your date.

“Hello?” He answered the call.

“Doy.” You said in a shaky voice.

“Are you-“ he stopped mid sentence when he heard your sniffles at the other end and a small whimper leaving your lips.

Without much thought and not really caring for the consequences, Doyoung took hold of his belongings and rushed out of the practice room and towards your apartment.

⋆ ༘♡｡˚⁺

The sound of your apartment door being opened and shut startled you and looked up to see the person she needed the most at the moment.

“Doy!” You cried out and rushed out of your spot on the couch and into Doyoung’s embrace.

“You’re shaking so much Y/N, what happened?” Doyoung said as he held tight against his hold to keep your shaking figure feeling secured.

“I visited home. I- I didn’t think he would be there Doy.” You said in a shaky voice as you bunched Doyoung’s shirt in your fists.

“What did he do?” Doyoung seethed as he thought about your abusive stepfather.

“He kept mentioning the things he wanted to do to me and- and-“ you broke down at having to think about the situation again.

Doyoung picked you up and took you to your bed room to have you lay down and calm down. “I’m here Y/N. I’m not going to let him come near you.” He said softly as he placed a kiss onto your head and he layers at your side.

With Doyoung singing softly and the comfort of his embrace, you started to fall asleep.

⋆ ༘♡｡˚⁺

You woke up at the sound of someone entering your room. Opening your eyes you see Doyoung trying to keep quiet as he holds a black plastic bag in his hand tightly and restricting it to move a lot in order not to make any noises.

“What are you doing?” You groggily asked as you sat up while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“Uh- I ran down to the convenient store around the corner and bought bottles of soju.” Doyoung said as he looked at you sheepishly as the tip of his ears turned red.

You giggled at him before you patted the spot in front of you on your bed for him to sit.

As Doyoung made himself comfortable on the spot, you gently took the bag out of his hands and looked into the bag.

“Ooooh he had strawberry flavored soju this time?” You said as you looked at it with a wide smile.

“Yeah he was restocking them when I walked in.” Doyoung said as he pulled one out that was a traditional flavor.

“The hero you are Doy.” You said as you shake the bottle and did a little flip before opening it.

“Show off.” Doyoung scoffed as he just shook his bottle.

You gave him a cheeky smile before you took a swing of the strawberry flavored drink.

Bottles, after bottles, the two of you were a giggling mess as you made jokes and honestly started to talk out of your asses about anything and everything.

“You know.” You hiccuped slightly. “I wonder what it’s like to sleep with an idol.” You confessed as you took another swing of the bottle.

Doyoung choked on his drink as he looked at you with wide eyes as he tried to cough out the choke. “I’m sorry? Did you just say that?”

You looked towards Doyoung with a confused expression on your face. “I mean yeah? But seriously I’m curious about it.”

“W-why are you even curious about it?” Doyoung asked as he looked at you with genuine interest.

“Well, I can’t lie to you and say that I haven’t heard you and some of the guys talk about your hookups with some idols or like some girls you guys meet at clubs. So it just spiked my curiosity. Like does one just casually say “I fucked an idol” after they fucked said idol? Like- I’m just curious Do.” You admitted.

When you look to your right you see Doyoung looking at you with wide eyes and his cheeks and the tips of his ears a deeper shade of red than they already were before.

“What?” You asked as you were confused as to why he was looking at you like that.

“Have- have you thought about sleeping with an idol before?” Doyoung questions as he starts to mess with the top of the bottle out of nervous habit.

You looked up towards your ceiling in thought. “Hmm, honestly I have.” You said as you nodded your head as if to confirm with yourself.

“Can I ask who?” Doyoung said as he looked at you with wide curious eyes.

You winced slightly cause you knew the list is a bit lengthy. “Do I just count the ones on ten fingers or-“

“There’s more than your ten fingers can count!?” Doyoung gasped out in disbelief.

“Not my fucking fault you guys are good looking.” You rolled your eyes as you mumbled out to him.

“Just tell me who your top ten are.” Doyoung sighed out as he closed his eyes as if to prepare himself for your list.

You made yourself more comfortable. “Well there’s Seonghwa, Hongjoong, Yunho, and Mingi from ATEEZ, which are the first four.” You said as you listed them off your fingers. “Then there’s Jackson Wang and Jinyoung of GOT7.” You covered your mouth as you started to remember the rest from your list. “Namjoon and Jungkook of BTS.” You stayed silent after.

“And the last two?” Doyoung said as he opened one eye to look at you.

“Don’t kill me-“

“Y/N who are they?”

“Jaehyun and Johnny.” You quickly said and closed your eyes tightly waiting for his reaction.

“My members!?” Doyoung opened both of his eyes and sat up to look at you.

“Hey! They’re good looking and besides their seggy time stories- wow just fucking wow. Turns a girl on you know.” You shrugged.

“I can’t believe you.” Doyoung said as he shook his head.

“EXCUSE ME? Says he! Says fucking he!” You said as you pointed an accusing finger at him.

Doyoung scoffed and turned his head to the side. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said as he took a swing of the soju.

“I dOnT kNoW wHaT YoUrE tAlKiNg AbOuT.” You mimicked him as you too took a swing from your soju bottle.

Silence falls between the two of you as you continue to take swings from your designated bottles.

Taking the final sip from your drink, you looked around your room.

“You know I could be theirs.” You said as you looked for your fourth bottle of strawberry flavored soju.

“Who’s?” Doyoung asked confused as to what you are referring too.

“Jaehyun and Johnny. I could be theirs-“

“NO!” Doyoung roared out as he turned towards you and threw himself on top of you.

“DOY!” You squealed out as you felt his weight fall directly on top of you.

You looked down to see Doyoung with his face directly against your stomach and his arms wrapped around your waist tightly as he seemed to be holding onto you for dear life.

“They can’t have you! They can’t be yours!” Doyoung protested as he snuggled his face more into your stomach.

“And why not?” You said softly as you placed your hands on his head and started to stroke his head with gentle gestures.

“Because I wanna be yours.” Doyoung said as he lifted up his head to make eye contact with you.

You looked at Doyoung and you started to feel yourself sober. Did he just-

He couldn’t have said what you thought he had said. You had to be dreaming or miss hearing him or something. Cause there is no way-

“What?” You asked dumbfounded, still trying to process what he said.

“I said; I want to be yours. That’s why they can’t be yours cause- cause I was here first.” Doyoung said while he unwrapped his hold from around your waist and brought them to each side of you.

Without much thought, Doyoung took hold of your leg and pulled you down to where you laid down completely flat on your bed and he hovered over you.

“Do- Doyoung what-?” You stuttered out as you looked at him with slightly wide eyes and a blush forming on your face as you weren’t expecting such behavior from him.

“I want to make you mine. I want to be yours. Just the thought of you being with my members or anyone at that makes me jealous.” Doyoung said as he looked at you with a serious look on his face.

“Doyoung.” You chuckled nervously a You placed your hands on his chest. “This is just the alcohol talking. This isn’t-“

“I’m sober Y/N. I can hold my alcohol better than you.” Doyoung said as he looked at you with the same expression.

“Even on top of me he still insults me.” You mumbled as you looked at him for a moment before looking away due to the intensity of his stare.

Doyoung gently took hold of your face and made you look at him. The expression on his face turned to a gentle one as he knew he was making you nervous.

You would be a damned fool if you didn’t admit to yourself that Doyoung was handsome and that is because he is. Always has been. You did have feelings for him when your friendship started but you knew you had to get over it because, well he is an idol. But the way he was looking at you was awakening those feelings inside of you and they were making you dizzy.

“Let me be yours Y/N.” Doyoung said as he leaned down towards your neck and started to place small, gentle kisses down your neck.

The action made you gasp. “Doyoung are you sure about doing this? I mean we are technically borderline drunk-“

“I’m sure about this. Are you?” He said as he pulled away from your neck and looked at you the same gentle expression as before.

Were you? Were you actually ready to sleep with your best friend, the one that you have feelings for in this very moment?

“I am.” You said softly as you looked up at him with the same gentle expression but with hesitation glazing over your eyes.

He sees the hesitation on you which caused him to smile at you as he found it adorable. Doyoung’s eyes looked down towards your lips and he started to lean in.

You felt your heart hammering out of your chest like crazy. You could’ve sworn he heard it as he smiled at you before he started to lean in, and not long after his lips met with yours.

The impact felt electrifying to you as you felt all your nerves become tingly. Without wanting him to feel disappointed, you kissed him back.

You placed your hands on either side of his face to deepen the kiss even more. Doyoung placed one of his hands on your waist and the other he kept it to keep his weight off of you.

As the two of you started to try and assert some sort of dominance as your kiss became intense, Doyoung pressed his hips against yours causing you to moan into the kiss.

Loving the way you responded to the friction, Doyoung started to move his hips agonizing slow paste against yours.

Small gasps and moans left your lips as his hips started to speed up.

Doyoung bit your bottom lip and slightly pulled at it before he started to kiss down your face and down your neck, while still keeping momentum on his hips.

“D-doy.” You gasped out as he found your sweet spot instantly and started to suck on that spot.

Doyoung’s hand travels under your shirt and cups your breast before squeezing it gently.

Your hands went towards his shoulders and held them tightly causing you to bunch up his shirt in your hands.

Distracted by the amount of pleasure Doyoung is giving you by tweaking with your nipple and the alternating between kissing and biting at your neck, you failed to notice your own hips bucking against his.

“Is my princess becoming desperate?” Doyoung whispered into your ear which caused a shiver to travel down your spine. This caused a whine to leave your lips.

Doyoung removes his lips from your neck to look down at you with hooded eyes. A smile forms on his face as he sees your face screwed softly in pleasure. “look at you.” He cooes. “Rubbing yourself against me. Are you that desperate for my touch princess?” he says as he bites his bottom lip at the sight below him.

“Doy- fuck just-“ you moaned out as he nipped at your sweet spot. “-just stop with the foreplay. I- fuck me please.” You said as leaned towards his neck and lightly nipped at it.

“Princess as much as I love to fuck you right now, I know you aren’t stimulated as much as you think you are.” Doyoung said as he looked at you with a smirk on your face.

“Doyoung stop-“

“Shh, shh, shh. I got you.” Doyoung said as he placed a peck onto your lips that caused you to lean forward for more but he backed away before you could get more from him.

Doyoung starts to slowly lift up your shirt and leaving kisses on skin which cause goosebumps to rise in their wake. As he reached towards your shorts, he hooked his fingers into the waistband gently and pulled them down.

The sudden cold air caused you to gasp lightly.

Doyoung continued placing small kisses down your hip and into your inner thigh. He repeats the same thing onto the other side.

The sensation of Doyoung kissing your inner thigh makes you feel slightly light headed. Too caught up in your own world, you were brought back to it once you felt Doyoung licking up from the base of your vulva to your clit.

Your legs spasmed besides his leg as he continued that motion. He dives in once again, his hot tongue and lips lavishing between your legs, his tongue swirling around your clit, dipping inside you. He moans against you, his hands tight on your thighs and hips. You grip at the bedsheets, wrinkling them between your fingers, and it’s no time at all before Doyoung brings you to an orgasm on his tongue.

The moment he pulls back, his lips wet with his saliva and your cum, he fills you up with his fingers instead, his thumb resting against your clit.

This caused you to squirm underneath him slightly due to the oversensitivity you were feeling. Even when you rolled onto your stomach, his fingers were still inside of you as he pumped his fingers.

“You’re so sweet, kitten. I could taste you again and not get tired.” You feel his breath on your ass, the brush of his lips, and then his teeth dig in, and you moan at the pain tinged with pleasure. His free hand comes up and spanks your bottom. “Do you want me to fuck you? Your cunt is probably desperate to be filled. Do you want me?”

Of course you wanted him. You wanted everything he threw at you and you were ready to take it.

You nodded your head desperately as you buried your head into your bed sheets as Doyoung reached a spot that made your vision see stars.

“Good girl.” Doyoung said as he kissed the small of your back. He then pulled his fingers out and away from you leaving you feeling cold and empty. “Ass up for me princess.” His hands jerk your hips up into the air, pussy bare and exposed for him. You can feel yourself dripping down your thigh you’re so wet for him.

You look over your shoulder to see Doyoung pulling down the gray sweats he had on from practice along with his shirt. You felt your mouth water at the site of him. It has always been a known fact that Doyoung was fit and that he was packing, but all the guessing and estimating were thrown out the window.

Thinking he would go gentle considering this was the first time the two of are fucking, was a complete expectation.

Doyoung pushed into you hard and fast, not exactly being gentle but still having caution with you. He grinds into you deeply, rolling his hips forward, his hand resting flat against your tailbone. “Shit, princess you’re so tight.”

This caused you to moan out. “Y-yes.” You grind back against him, trying to get him somehow even deeper. You love the wet, slippery feel of him fucking you, thrusting in deep, his hips rolling, snapping against your ass. “Just for you.” You moan as his hand pushes you into a slightly different position, his dick hitting just right inside you.

Doyoung groans out, causing you to glance back over your shoulder to see him staring down at his hips jiggling your ass, his cock disappearing inside you, and he bites his lip, his sharp eyes focused.

His eyes lift to yours, and his next thrust slows, torturously slow as he rolls forward. And then he stops just short of filling you completely. He holds there, his eyes on yours.

You couldn’t help but clench around him and grind back, needing him deeper.

You wanted to feel full, fuller to the point you could probably see him poking at your stomach. “More,” you groan, pushing back and circling your hips on his cock. Doyoung smirks and brings the flat of his hand down to your ass, and you quickly add, “Please daddy more.”

If Doyoung was shocked, he didn’t show to as he replied, “that’s what I want to hear from you princess.” He digs his hand into your hip, hard enough to bruise, and the other hand goes to your hair, twisting it around his fist and pulling so your back arches and the angle he’s hitting inside you has you squeezing around him with every thrust, sweeping bursts of hot tingling sensations through you.

Doyoung let’s go of your hair and takes hold of the collar of your shirt, ripping it in half off of your body. With your breast being in easier access to him, he takes hold of them and squeezes. While one hand tweaks with your nipple, the other makes its way towards your lips.

“Open up, princess.”

Obeying immediately, you open your mouth and his fingers enter your mouth giving you something to suck on. You sucked eagerly at his fingers while swirling your tongue around them. His fingers drag out of your mouth, over your lips, and you whine his name, taking the brutal force of his thrusts as his hand falls down your body, his wet fingers finding your clit, and your back resting against his chest.

Your moans shiver through the room. Doyoung’s hot breath is on your cheek, your ear as he says, “Are you gonna cum for me, princess? I want to see you lose control.” His teeth graze your earlobe, his fingers pinch your clit, and he thrusts right against your G spot. “Cum, sweetheart.”

And you do.

Doyoung, of course, isn’t helping as he keeps brutally fucking you from behind, keeps rubbing you clit even as you’re jolting in his arms, whining and crying, begging for him to stop.

He lets you fall onto the mattress with your head in the sheets as he takes hold of your hips in a bruising grip. You loved the overstimulation, the slight pain it brought felt so good, all of your nerves burning due to excess pleasure your body is receiving. Doyoung’s pace of thrusting into you is so intense, but there is a part of you that doesn’t exactly feel so full just yet.

Doyoung swears behind you, his cock twitching deep within your belly. He does several rolling hip grinds as his hips move forward, causing your eyes to roll at the back of your head.

A deep thrust has you moaning, breaking any of the filters you tried to hold in. A loud whiny moan leaves your lips as you squealed out, “Daddy!”

Doyoung swears, a quick and quiet barrage of fucks as he pulls out of you, his hands on your shoulders spinning you around, and you slide down so your face is level with his cock as jerks his hand over his length.

He cums over your face, hot strings of semen shooting over your cheeks, your open lips, your tongue. Doyoung moans and swears and tells you that you look so pretty with your face covered in Daddy’s cum.

You lick your lips and slump down onto your bed, somehow finding a pillow in your arms, held against your chest as Doyoung leaves the bed.

He returns in an instant with a cool damp cloth in his hand as he wipes at your face before he moves down between your legs. It feels so nice on your hot skin, and he leaves little kisses on your thighs, your bottom, and then he’s at your head again, his hands so gentle, his touch so light you barely feel his fingertips on your cheeks as he draws you in for another kiss.

“How do you feel princess? Good? Sore? Do you want to shower?” He asks, his voice soft. You nod your head slowly as you let go of the pillow and sit up to get out of the bed.

“Here let me help you.” Doyoung said as he took your hand and helped up you off the bed.

Gently and carefully, you got into the bathroom and you sat on the toilet while Doyoung set up the shower for you. As the water was at a warm temperature, he helped you get in. You took hold of his wrist.

“Join me?”

Doyoung looked at you with a soft smile before he turned around and joined you in the shower. You moved around the shower where you had the water hitting your back while you wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Hi.” You said softly and you rested your chin on his chest as you looked up at him.

Doyoung looked at you and chuckled softly. “Hi.” He said as he wrapped his around you.

The two of you maintained eye contact for a while, just getting lost into one another as you enjoyed each other’s presence.

“Doy,” You said softly as you rested your head against his head, enjoying the sound of his heart beat. “I’m all yours.”

The sound of Doyoung’s heartbeat picking up speed caused you to giggle.

“Does this mean-?” Doyoung asked hesitantly as he started to rub small circles on your back.

“Yes.” You said as you kissed his chest before looking at him with a wide smile on your face.

Ecstatic with how you are in a way admitting to your feelings for him, Doyoung smiled widely, unable to hold in his happiness, he leaned down and kissed you.

You happily return the kiss with the same amount of happiness as he was as the two of you dived under the water. The water casted down the two of you in little forms of water falls.

The moment you pull away you looked at him with a teasing smile and said, “sseukka sseukka.” While wiggling your eyebrows.

Doyoung clothes his eyes and sighs before licking his lips. “You’re still on that joke Y/N?” He questioned you with a smile on his face too.

“Heard Yuta and Haechan yell it out your door when you were live the other day.” You shrugged your shoulders as you tried to hold in your laughter. “Thought I should tease you again with it too.”

“Ha, ha, ha.” Doyoung laughed sarcastically, that caused you to laugh out because leave it up to you and Doyoung to tease one another after discussing something serious.

“Just know I’m still serious about my members. I don’t want you to be there.” He said as he pulled you into a quick kiss.

“I was joking about that! Well partially I was.” You admitted as you smiled at him.

“What part?” Doyoung asked.

“The part where I would sleep with them. I could never do that with your members knowing that I could have you if I just asked nicely.” You mumbled most of it as you looked anywhere but at him.

“Is that so? And if I said no even if you asked nicely?” Doyoung teased as he smirked at you.

You looked towards him with an expression that read ‘are you kidding me right now?’ “Kim Doyoung you know if I asked nicely and seduced you enough, I would have you crumble into my hands.” You said as you teasing smiled at him.

“I don’t crumble.” Doyoung mumbled as it was his turn to look away from you.

“Huh sure. When you tell Doyoung Junior to calm down, down there then we can talk.” You said as you turned you back away from him and started showering.

“You leave him alone!” Doyoung shockingly gasped out as he looked at you with wide eyes.

“We’re gonna waste the hot water, come on Doy we gotta finish this shower.” You said as if you both weren’t just talking about his friend.

“Only would my own girlfriend cock block me.”Doyoung sigh out which caused you to giggle as you continued to rub body wash onto you.

[baekhyunsbestie]

──★ been away ˙📱 ̟ !!

baekhyun x f!reader 18+/MDNI | wc: 1.3k

ᯓᡣ𐭩 the first snap is innocent enough—a flirty selfie that plays up your best angles. your makeup is soft yet alluring and your hair is styled to frame your face just right. your eyes have that siren’s gleam, lashes long, cheeks touched with a delicate blush, lips glossy and curved into a teasing smirk, with a hint of mischief in your gaze. you don’t expect much—just a quick reply from baekhyun between schedules, a little something to bridge the distance.

minutes later, your phone pings with his reply: "you’re trouble, you know that?" paired with a selfie snapped on his flight to the next stop. he looks effortlessly devastating—his newly permed hair tousled just right, framing his bare face. one hand is lifted to his face, thumb resting just below his chin, a finger casually tracing his lips, capturing his natural charisma. a thrill ripples through you, lighting up every nerve. you can almost feel the pull of his gaze and the quiet smirk lurking behind that hand, his voice all but spilling through the screen in that one teasing line.

as the day ticks on, the pictures start to shift, each one a little bolder than the last. a glimpse of collarbone here, the hint of a bare shoulder there, the soft curve of your waist as the shirt slips a little lower. each image feels like a secret, a shared moment only for him, feeding the craving that’s been gnawing at you ever since he left. you’re missing him baaaaad, each day without him dragging, and you know he’s feeling it too. 

you take one more snap—this time a shot of your thighs, bare and wrapped in the sheets, a hint of lace just visible where the fabric dips. when you send it, you imagine his reaction, maybe a groan slipping out, his hands itching to reach out and touch you. 

and then finally, as the evening deepens, the light turning golden and soft, you send him the last photo: an image that leaves nothing to his imagination. the light catches your skin, every line and curve illuminated just for him. you wait, heart pounding, and within seconds his name flashes on your screen, a facetime call that you don’t hesitate to answer.

he looks incredible, soft strands falling over his forehead, his eyes already heavy-lidded and dark with longing. "there’s my girl," he murmurs, voice rich with warmth and relief, but there’s an unmistakable edge to it too—like he’s been holding back all day, just waiting to see you like this.

“hi,” you whisper, smiling shyly, your own heart thudding in your chest.

he tilts his head, lips curling into a smirk as he takes you in, his gaze roaming slowly, hungrily. “did you enjoy driving me fucking crazy all day, angel?” his voice drops, thick with desire, threaded with a frustrated edge. “you’ve had me on edge all day. do you know how hard it was for me to think straight with you sending me pictures like that?”

a thrill courses through you at the intensity in his eyes, that undeniable pull between you stretching even through the screen. you settle back on your bed, adjusting the camera so he has a better view, feeling his gaze burning through the screen.

“now, let me see you, angel,” he hums, barely holding back the need lacing his voice. you can’t resist, slipping out of your shirt, letting him drink in every inch. his sharp inhale is audible, his lips parting slightly, gaze unwavering. “so beautiful,” he breathes, almost to himself, his hand tracing over his own chest, slipping down.

“are you gonna show me, too?” you ask, voice a little shaky, your own hands moving slowly, teasing, tracing over your body as he watches.

his gaze locks onto yours, and with a slow smirk, he leans back, letting you see how hard he is, his fingers trailing over himself. “you don’t know what you do to me,” he whispers, voice filled with a delicious mix of frustration and desire as he wraps his hand around himself, moving slowly, matching your rhythm.

your hand slips lower, mirroring him, feeling every inch of his gaze as if he were right there beside you. "i wish these were your hands on me, baek," you speak gently, voice barely above a breath, and his head tips back, a groan slipping out as he matches your movements, a small tremor in his voice.

“i’d make you f-feel every fucking second of hah—how much i missed you,” his voice almost meek, eyes heavy with desire and focus. his hand tightens, mirroring the speed of your fingers. “if i was there, i’d have you right in my lap, making sure you felt exactly how much i need you. every. fucking. inch. of. me."

the way his gaze never leaves you, how he hangs on to every reaction, every slight movement you make, sends sparks through you. “b-baek… i hah—" a whimper escapes before you can hold it back, and he notices, his expression flickering with pride, his hand moving faster.

“keep going, pretty girl,” he encourages, voice thick and low, his breath catching as he watches you move, taking in every detail. “i need you so much nnghh—can almost feel you right here.”

a small whimper escapes you, and he catches it immediately, a slow, satisfied smirk spreading across his lips. “can’t wait to be home, angel. f-fuck. i’m gonna make ya say my name over and over,” he whispers, voice thick with promise, “until ya can’t say hah— anythin’ else.”

you let yourself get lost in him, moving in perfect sync, his voice guiding you closer and closer, every whispered praise bringing you closer to the edge. just when you’re both breathless, your eyes meet one more time, and his voice drops to a broken whisper.

“d'you know what i’m gonna hah—do when i get back? shit.” he breathes, his voice a low rasp that sends a tremor right through you. “i’m gonna make you pay for every single picture, every tease. ngh—i’ll make sure it stays with ya for days. i’m not letting ya outta our bed ‘till i’ve had my fill.” his words come rough and hungry, edged with desire. “with all that t-teasing, angel, we might not leave that bed for a whole week. you’ll be so damn full of me.”

you shiver at his tone, unable to stop the anticipation building in your chest. “is t-that a threat hah— or a promise?”

“oh, it’s both,” he murmurs, his voice low and commanding, laced with wicked intent.

the words hit you like a jolt, your hand moving faster as he groans, his eyes heavy on yours, breaths coming faster. “keep goin’, angel,” he urges, his own voice shaky now, his expression mirroring yours as he edges closer, barely holding himself together. “don’t h-hold back. fuckfuckfuck, i'm s'close. nngghh—i wanna see ya cum for me.”

the need in his voice sends you spiraling, and as you reach your breaking point, his name tumbles from your lips in a breathless moan, a sound that has him letting out a strangled gasp of his own. his head tilts back, jaw slack, and he breathes your name like a prayer as he shudders, his release following yours, both of you lost in the intensity of the moment.

when he catches his breath, his gaze returns to you, softer but no less intense. “just wait 'til i get home,” he mumbles, his voice filled with dark promise. “i’m not lettin’ ya outta my sight.” his brown eyes are warm, affectionate, but that hint of challenge remains, as if he’s already planning exactly how he’ll follow through on every delicious threat. and from the way he looks at you, you know you won’t stand a chance.

a/n: omg i’ve thought of this scenario sooooo many times lmfao. and honestly, facetiming is probs the only way i could picture a mutual masturbation sesh w/ baekhyun. like in person, he'd have ZERO patience—there’s just no chance he could keep his hands off you. the way he’d be watching you, eyes dark and unblinking, every second would push him closer to breaking. he’d be all taut, biting his lip, and his breaths would be heavy, barely keeping it together. through the screen, he has no choice but to stay in his lane, watching you fall apart for him, but you just know that if he were there, he wouldn’t make it TWO minutes without pulling you close and taking things into his own hands.

⤷ also, here’s a lil bonus 🤭 ‼️‼️‼️

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* masterlist ° ᡣ𐭩 . 

[lov3lymoon96]

Oml 😫😫

[lov3lymoon96]

Someone I beg I need you to give me a fanfic of this because I can’t anymore. How? why ? is he like this? Daddy Doyoung. 🫠😫😫

[lovetaroandtaemin]

Take Me to Church

Kim Dongyoung x Reader

Word count: 5,197

THIS FIC IS NSFW! MINORS DNI!

Content warnings: Smut (unprotected sex, some dirty talk, riding, a little bit of dry humping, car sex, a little bit of biting, mention of blowjobs), suggestive dialogue, religious themes, infidelity, excessive alcohol consumption, pregnancy, reader and Doyoung are both toxic as fuck. I am so sorry about the angst (no I'm not).

If I missed any warnings please let me know!

Fic is under the cut.

The only thing that made going to church bearable as a teenager was seeing your boyfriend, Dongyoung. The clothes that you wore to church were uncomfortable. The services themselves were way too long and almost made you fall asleep. Plus, everyone there really only cared about you because your parents were well-liked. Well, everyone there except Dongyoung, that is.

Your families had been close for generations, so the two of you grew up seeing each other frequently. He was always kind to you when you saw him, no matter what. His kindness is what made you love him almost immediately, even when you were a kid that didn’t really know what that meant. He was your best friend throughout your childhood, and it was only a matter of time before you two started dating as teenagers.

Everyone that knew you and Dongyoung thought that you were an odd match. You had completely different circles of friends and completely different hobbies. He was the student leader of your high school’s Bible club. You stole alcohol from your friends’ parents and got drunk at the lake every Friday night. He was a good Christian boy. You were a stereotypical rebellious teenager. Even your parents worried that you would be a bad influence on Dongyoung, but what other people thought didn’t matter to him. He loved you, and he was certain that he always would.

Leading your school’s Bible club is how Dongyoung realized that he wanted to be a pastor. It was obvious to anyone that saw him that he loved God dearly from an early age, so when he told you that he wanted to go into ministry it just made sense.

Since you didn’t want to hinder his chances at achieving his dream, you cleaned up your act. You dropped your friends that had encouraged your unruly behavior. You stopped drinking alcohol. You made a real effort to pay attention in church. Everyone around you noticed and was amazed by the change in your personality. While you still weren’t truly sure if you believed in God, you made damn sure that you were good at playing the part for your boyfriend’s sake.

When you started college, you were a bit concerned about your relationship. Dongyoung was going to a Bible college on the other side of the country, while you stayed in your hometown to pursue an education degree at your local community college. When you told him about your concerns, especially the distance, your boyfriend was quick to reassure you that everything would be ok. You both loved each other, and that was what mattered. When the conversation ended you were both sure that your relationship would last through college.

The distance between you was harder to adjust to than you were willing to admit. You were willing to try, of course, but it was jarring going from seeing someone nearly every day to once every few weeks. Dongyoung was struggling to adjust as well, but he was a bit more optimistic about it since he was excited to be following his dream.

What made maintaining your relationship through college difficult for Dongyoung was his parents. They had never approved of you, but they were “willing to let it slide because they thought it was just a silly high school relationship,” according to his mother. Now that he was seriously planning to become a pastor, they felt that he should find a good Christian woman, something that they did not believe you were.

Dongyoung tried to reason with his parents, he really did. He reminded them that you had changed a lot since the two of you first started seeing each other. They had to have noticed it, he reasoned. His parents confirmed that they saw how drastically you had changed over the years, but they still were suspicious of you and your behavior. Telling him that they only wanted what was best for him, they gave him an ultimatum. Dongyoung either had to break up with you, or they would stop helping him pay for college.

To say that it broke you when he ended your relationship was an understatement. You had just finished your second year of college, and Dongyoung was home for the summer. That was supposed to mean that you would get to spend more time with your boyfriend, but instead it just meant that the man you loved was now your ex. He didn’t tell you what his parents had said about you, instead he told you that long distance was too much for him when he was already stressed about school, and that he wanted to focus on school because of how important his degree was to him.

“Am I not important to you?” you asked.

“That’s not what I meant. You know that you are.”

“Then why are you leaving?”

“I have to.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Dongyoung refused to answer. He knew that he was hurting you by leaving, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to stay in school if his parents stopped helping him pay for it. What he had told you was partially true, as well. It killed him not being able to see you every day anymore. The part about focusing on school, however, was bullshit. School was stressful, sure, but knowing that you had his back made that stress easier to deal with. After he broke up with you he still had to deal with the stress from school, but he also had to deal with losing the woman he loved. He lost count of how many times he considered dropping out after you broke up.

It took you a long time to heal after Dongyoung left, but you still managed. You decided that if Dongyoung was going to focus on school, then so were you. You dedicated as much of your time as possible to your degree, and it paid off. You graduated with a Bachelor of Education, and you were excited to finally find work as a teacher.

After breaking up with you, Dongyoung started to regret every decision that he had ever made. He knew that losing you would be the greatest regret of his life, but he didn’t really have a choice. Now he wondered if ministry was really the right path for him, and if going to a college across the country that he struggled to afford had even been worth it.

Years went by, and you felt like your life was perfect. You had the job of your dreams, and you lived in a new city that was far from the heartbreak and tedium of your hometown. You even had better friends now, like your roommates Nayeon and Jisoo. You hadn’t really dated anyone since you broke up with Dongyoung, but you were ok with that. Sure, you had hooked up with people from time to time, but you didn’t really want anything serious. Your friends and your career were all you needed.

It was the end of another taxing school year when you got a call from your parents. They asked the typical questions, like how your day went and if you were relieved that the year was over. They also asked you if you would come back to your hometown and visit now that you had an extended break from work. They asked this every summer in the hopes that they could see you more than a few times a year. Usually you said no, but this time you figured that it couldn’t hurt. You had missed your family dearly, and you were dying to know what had been going on in your hometown since you moved away.

You arrived in your hometown just over a week later, and the first place you went after seeing your parents (and agreeing to go to church with them while you were in town) was the nearest bar to their house. In the years since college had ended you had started occasionally drinking again, and with the end of another school year you really wanted to celebrate.

When you walked into the bar the last person you expected to see was Dongyoung. You knew that you would probably run into him eventually, but you never thought it would be here. In a single moment, all of the feelings you had once harbored for him came rushing back. He had grown up a lot in the years since you had seen him, and he looked good. You wondered if he would be as happy to see you as you were to see him.

“Surprised” is not a strong enough word for what Dongyoung felt when he saw you walk into his favorite bar. It was something that he had wished for a thousand times since your relationship ended, but he never thought it would actually happen. He wondered for a moment if he should talk to you, but he didn’t have to wonder for long because you approached him first.

“Hi, Dongyoung.”

“Hi, (Y/N). How have you been?”

“I’m doing well. How are you?”

Dongyoung had a decision to make. He could either be truthful and admit that he had missed you dearly, or he could lie and say that he was ok. He chose the latter, desperately hoping that you wouldn’t catch on.

“I’m well, thanks. What are you doing here?” he asked, hoping you didn’t notice his hesitation.

“Oh, I just wanted a celebratory drink.”

“No, I mean I thought you moved away.”

“I did. I’m just back visiting since I have some time off.”

“I see.”

The two of you spent what felt like an eternity chatting about whatever came to mind as you drank. You noticed that Dongyoung was quiet whenever you asked him about what his life had been like since you split up, so you mostly chose to reminisce about old times. He had always been a private person, so you assumed he was just anxious because he hadn’t seen you in so long.

Dongyoung wasn’t sure if it was just the alcohol talking or if you had gotten even more beautiful since the last time he saw you, but either way he wanted you. He could only hope that you wanted him the same way when he asked, “Would you like to get out of here?” He was taken aback, to say the least, when you said yes. Dongyoung quickly paid for your drinks and got you two an Uber to a nearby motel. It was just outside of your hometown, and it was perfect. There would be no familiar faces.

When you both got into the car, you could barely keep your hands off of each other. Whether it was the alcohol or the desperation of missing each other, neither of you could say for sure. Either way, waiting for Dongyoung to check you two into a room for the night was torture.

Dongyoung practically dragged you to the room once you were checked in. As soon as the door was shut, you were pinned against it and he was kissing you. You hated to admit it, but you had missed the feeling of his lips on yours. If the way he held onto you like you were gonna disappear any second was any indication, he had missed it too.

He pulled away, and before anything else could happen he asked, “Are you sure that you want to do this?”

“I’m sure. I want you.”

That was all Dongyoung needed to hear before he pulled you over to the bed and sat you on his lap. You kissed him again as you started to slowly move your hips against his. He groaned at the feeling, and it only made you want him more. You had always loved his voice but hearing it as he moaned your name made you feel like you were in heaven. You couldn’t take it anymore.

“I need you inside me,” you begged.

His only response was, “Please?”

You quickly stood up and removed your clothes, and he did the same before you got back on his lap. As he guided you onto his cock, you let out a breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. After taking a moment to adjust to his size, you slowly started to move up and down. Dongyoung would never admit this aloud, but he had fantasized about this for a long time. You never slept together when you dated, both overly concerned about staying “pure” at the time. Clearly, neither of you cared about that anymore.

“Fuck, feels so good,” you moaned.

“I know, baby, you take me so well. Should have done this years ago.”

As you continued to ride him, you started to struggle to hold yourself up. He noticed and wrapped his arms around your waist, bouncing you on his cock himself. You leaned your head on his shoulder and let him fuck up into you as you lost yourself in pleasure.

After a while, you could feel his thrusts start to get more erratic and it made you desperate to cum. So, you started to rub your clit, moaning louder at the feeling. Your moans were like music to Dongyoung’s ears, and he mentally scolded himself for not letting himself hear them sooner.

You tried to warn him that you were close, you really did. But before the words could come out of your mouth, you were coming undone around him. Your orgasm triggered his own, and you loved the whimpers that left his mouth as he came inside you.

You sat together on the bed as you came down from your highs, struggling to catch your breath. You never expected your first time with Dongyoung to be a drunk one-night stand, but truthfully you didn’t regret it. Once you felt like you could move, you tried to get up to find your clothes. He didn’t let you, however, wanting to hold you just a little bit longer.

After you were both cleaned up and dressed again, you laid down together. There wasn’t really any conversation since both of you were more concerned with enjoying each other’s presence than filling the silence. Just before you fell asleep, however, he whispered something that you never expected to hear, “You know I never wanted to leave, right?” You tried to ask him what he meant, but he didn’t respond, too busy pretending to sleep to answer.

When you woke up the next morning, Dongyoung was gone. There was no trace of him in the hotel room except for his scent on the pillow next to you. You still wanted to ask him about what he said the night before, but you had no way to contact him. You decided that you would ask your parents if they had his number after church.

When you got to the church, you quickly found a seat next to your parents. You started to look around, taking in the scenery of the building that you once spent most of your time in. The last thing that you expected to see was Dongyoung enter with a woman on his arm. She was gorgeous, and she was smiling at him like nothing else in the world mattered as he greeted people. She was also pushing a sleeping baby in a stroller. As you watched the way he held onto her, you understood why he didn’t open up much about his life when you were at the bar.

You considered saying hi, but before you could he was approaching the pulpit to begin the service. That was the moment that you realized he had achieved the dream that he talked to you about so often. Your parents had told you that church leadership had changed, but they didn’t tell you that your ex was now the lead pastor.

Just like when you were a kid, service went by painstakingly slowly. Ironically, the sermon was about sexual morality. When Dongyoung started speaking about the importance of remaining loyal to your spouse, it took every ounce of willpower you had to avoid bursting into laughter. As you tried to stay calm, you wondered if anyone else had noticed the way Dongyoung’s hands shook or the tears in his eyes when he spoke about how rewarding it had been to stay faithful to his wife.

As service ended and everyone made their way out of the sanctuary, you decided to say hello to your former church’s new pastor. When he saw you approach him he looked terrified, and you had to admit you found joy in that.

You said hello, and he took the opportunity to introduce you to his wife, Joy. You learned that they had been married for 3 years, that she was the niece of the church’s former pastor, and that their son Jaehyun was 6 months old.

“Who is this, honey?” Joy asked, concerned by your familiarity with her husband.

“This is (Y/N), she’s just an old friend,” Dongyoung replied, hoping his voice didn’t give away how nervous he was.

“Right, friend,” you mumbled.

“What was that?” Joy asked.

“Oh, nothing. Would you like to get dinner tonight to catch up, Pastor Kim? It’s been so long since the last time we saw each other.” you said, your voice dripping with false sweetness.

“That sounds lovely,” Dongyoung replied with a smile. “Do you mind, honey?”

“Not at all, dear,” Joy said.

You and Dongyoung exchanged numbers to discuss your plans for dinner, and Joy watched as you two interacted. She could tell what your intentions with Dongyoung were immediately, but she stayed calm because she still trusted her husband. He hoped that she didn’t know how wrong she had been to do that.

Now that you knew that Dongyoung was married, your hopes of getting back together should have stopped, but they didn’t. After all, he had willingly left his wife at home to fuck you. The fact should have filled you with disgust, but it only gave you an ego boost as you drove home and thought about when you would be able to fuck him again.

When you got home, you texted Dongyoung to talk about where to go for dinner. He suggested a small restaurant out of town, and you agreed, understanding that he couldn’t risk his congregation seeing him out with a woman that wasn’t Joy. Just in case someone you knew did see you, however, you each brought a Bible and came up with an excuse that he was giving you spiritual guidance on a personal matter.

You knew that it was probably wrong, but you decided to dress up a little bit for dinner. You chose a bright red dress that you knew showed off your curves, some gold jewelry, and your favorite heels. Your outfit was so decidedly sexy that you could only hope that no one saw you out with your now-married ex.

Once you were at the restaurant, you waited patiently for Dongyoung. When he showed up a few minutes later in a dress shirt and black slacks, you almost wanted to take him right there. You decided to be patient, however. When he saw you he complimented your appearance, and you did the same. Before you could say much more, however, the restaurant’s host showed you to your table and you sat down.

After you ordered your drinks, the first question you asked was, “What did you say last night?”

“I never wanted to leave,” he mumbled in response.

“Then why did you?”

He was silent for a few minutes before he admitted, “My parents threatened to stop helping me pay for school if I stayed. Without their help I would have had to drop out, and I really didn’t want to do that.”

You were silent as you processed his words. A part of you was relieved that he hadn’t stopped loving you, but you were also hurt that he never told you the truth. If he had told you what was going on, you would have been there for him just like you had always been, and you could have helped him figure something else out. You knew that there was no point dwelling on what had happened, though, so you just said, “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“I didn’t want to tell you because of the things that they said about you.”

“What did they say?”

“Let’s not talk about that, I just want to enjoy the time I have with you now.”

You and Dongyoung talked about what your lives had been like since splitting up, this time with more honesty now that you knew about his family situation. You told him about your new friends, your teaching job, and how you were fairly sure your parents still wanted the two of you to get back together. He told you that his parents had introduced him to Joy because they thought she was the kind of “godly woman” that he should marry as a future pastor, that he had named his son after his best friend from college, and that he had only married Joy to keep up appearances.

“Do you love her?” you asked.

His only reply was, “I don’t know, it’s complicated.”

At the end of the meal, he explained that he couldn’t book another hotel room for the night, since he had told Joy he would be home at a certain time. You were disappointed until he quietly added that he still had about an hour until that time and invited you to sit in his car with him for a little while before he had to go home.

As soon as you were both in his car he kissed you. As you reveled in the feeling of his lips on yours again, you were grateful that the restaurant hadn’t been crowded and that he had parked in a secluded area. The kiss got more heated as small moans left your mouth, and before you knew it Dongyoung was instructing you to move to the backseat.

You did as you were told, and within seconds he was on top of you. He kissed you like he never would again, desperate to feel you for as long as he could. When he finally pulled away to breathe, you said, “Please?”

“Please what, baby?”

“Please fuck me.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. God damn it, please!”

When Dongyoung heard you beg, something snapped. He needed to be inside of you, and he needed to be inside of you now. He moved just long enough to pull his slacks and boxers down as you moved your skirt and pulled your panties down. In an instant he was on top of you again, lining the tip of his cock up with your pussy. He slowly started to push his hips forward, groaning as he did. You threw your head back with a moan, loving how he felt.

The back seat of his car was cramped, but neither of you cared. The only thing that mattered in the moment was that you had each other. You knew that what you were doing was wrong, but you still never wanted it to end. As Dongyoung thrusted in and out, all you could think about was how good it felt and how badly you wanted him to be yours forever.

“Fuck, baby, you take me so well,” he said with a moan. You didn’t respond, too lost in pleasure to speak.

It didn’t take long before Dongyoung’s thrusts grew sloppier. He had tried to make this encounter last as long as he could, but he knew that there was only so much that he could take. He loved the way you clenched around him too much to last much longer.

“Shit, I’m close, where do you want it?” he asked.

“I want you to cum inside me. Please, please, please,” you begged, desperate to feel his release again.

That was all it took for a loud moan to fall from Dongyoung’s lips as he stilled inside you. As you felt his release, you started to rub your clit in a desperate attempt to reach your own. Dongyoung noticed what you were doing and moved your hand away, replacing it with his as he started to gently bite your neck. His mouth back on you was all you needed to reach your own high, moaning his name as you did.

Once Dongyoung made sure that you were ok, he slowly moved off of you and helped you to sit up. He held you while you caught your breath, whispering sweet nothings as the two of you calmed down. His words gave you a sense of peace that you hadn’t had in a long time.

That peace was short lived, however, because he had to leave. You knew Dongyoung would have to go home to his wife at some point, but you still dreaded it. Before you got out of his car he kissed you again, promising to see you soon. You slowly made your way back to your car and drove to your parents’ house, hoping they wouldn’t ask you any questions.

When you got home, you thought about whether you would be ok with staying in your hometown if it meant that you could be with Dongyoung again. Since you had come back, you had started to fall in love with him all over again. Of course, you were hesitant to leave your job and your friends, but the thought of losing him again killed you inside. So, you seriously considered asking him to leave Joy for you. You knew that this was a big thing to ask of someone, though, so decided to wait until you were more certain and see what happened next before you asked.

You continued to see Dongyoung a few times a week the entire time you were in your hometown. The week before you were supposed to go home was no different at first. You went out to the same restaurant as usual, except this time since Joy had taken Jaehyun to visit her parents for the weekend, Dongyoung had booked a hotel room for the two of you. You were ecstatic to be able to spend a full night with him again instead of the usual quickie in his car or the occasional blowjob in the church’s bathroom.

Dinner went like it always did. You talked about what you did through the week and how much you enjoyed seeing each other. Then, you went back to the hotel. Just like the previous times you went out with Dongyoung, he fucked you like he would never see you again. Afterwards, when you were cleaned up and in bed, you decided that now was the time. You gently asked if you could talk to him about something, and he said, “Of course, baby. What’s up?”

“What would you say if I told you I was thinking about staying here?”

Dongyoung was shocked to say the least, but he thought about it for a moment and asked, “Why?”

“I want to be with you again. And I mean seriously be with you, not just sneak around when you have free time.”

“You know we can’t do that, (Y/N).”

“Why not? You told me yourself that you don’t want to be married to her anyway.”

“And if it was just me and Joy I would consider it, but I have Jaehyun to think about now. I can’t just leave him without a father.”

“You wouldn’t be leaving him without a father, Dongyoung. You’d still be his father, just with me.”

“I can’t leave him, (Y/N), and I can’t risk my job by divorcing Joy.”

“Like you haven’t been risking your job anyway to go out a few times a week and fuck your ex while your wife is home caring for your son?”

Dongyoung was silent as what he had been doing really hit him. You decided that you were done, packing your bag to leave. Before you left, you said, “Listen, Dongyoung. I love you. I have loved you for most of my life, and a small part of me probably will always love you, but I cannot do this anymore. The entire time we’ve been doing this I have been holding out hope that we could actually be together again, and now that I know that isn’t going to happen I’m not going to keep sneaking around with you. I appreciate the extra time that we had, but it ends here.”

You walked out the door of the hotel room, leaving Dongyoung to think about the choices that he had made. He wondered about what could have been if he hadn’t given in to what his parents wanted for him. Would he be married to you instead of Joy? Would you two have kids? Would he still be a pastor even? He knew that he no longer deserved to be one, so he spent the rest of the night sobbing into the hotel pillows, begging God to forgive him for going astray.

You got out of going to church the next day by telling your parents you were sick, and you got ready to go back home. How you managed to avoid Dongyoung for the entire last week of your trip, you had no idea, but you were grateful for it. It was funny, really. You spent most of your time in your hometown desperate to see him, but now you were spending the remainder of it desperate to avoid him.

It had been 2 weeks since you got home, and you felt like a dumpster fire. On top of being upset that you lost Dongyoung again, you had been feeling sick for weeks. You told your roommates, and they asked you about your symptoms and how long you had been feeling sick.

“(Y/N), do you think you could be pregnant?” Nayeon asked.

You thought about it, and you realized that it was a strong possibility. Unable to speak, you just nodded. Nayeon offered to go buy you a test while Jisoo offered to stay with you and help you stay calm. You told her everything about what had happened while you were away, and she held you as you properly cried over Dongyoung for the first time since your arrangement ended.

When Nayeon got back, you took the test. While you waited for the results, you told Nayeon about what happened too. You knew that what you had done was wrong, but at the time you were only thinking about how badly you wanted Dongyoung back. Now that you didn’t want him back, he might be a part of your life forever.

When the test was ready, you couldn’t look at it yourself at first. Jisoo was the first to see the results of the test, but her initial silence told you everything that you needed to know. When she finally showed you the test, you broke down in sobs again. You were pregnant, and you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Dongyoung was your baby’s father.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you guys enjoyed this one, I think it's my favorite one shot I've ever written. If you did enjoy reading, please like and reblog! If you want to read more of my work, here's my masterlist. If you want to see anything specific, feel free to send a request via asks or dms! Once again, thank you for reading!

[lov3lymoon96]

HOW CAN THIS BE A ONE SHOT WHEN ITS THIS GOOD??! 😭😭😭 I need another part. Pls omg. Left me even more curious

[jungwooisms]

this is part II of the first installment of gekokujō - please read the first part before you come across spoilers!

Time waits for no man. With the ever encroaching feeling of uncertainty, Kim Doyoung wades through a foggy future with a newfound purpose: you. When all begins to change and crumble around him, he'll need to make some troubling choices about his future and what that entails with those he's met along the way.

pairing: kim doyoung x female!reader genre: angst, fluff, historical au warnings: blood, death, it’s early 1900’s japan it’s a lot, eventual smut but we are NOT there yet characters: nct/wayv word count: 7.8k

[1909.11.16. 今出川外国人日本語学校、京都] The days since your conversation with John had been nothing short of meandering, lessons, studying and then more lessons. Time with Doyoung had been almost always interjected with another student hoping to make conversation or with the looming presence of your aforementioned friend somewhere beyond. Although you remain unsure if John had spoken to Doyoung about his malcontent with your new budding relationship, you can almost ascertain something has been divulged unto him as his more public displays of affection have become intermittent throughout the days progressing. 

And you cannot find it within yourself to press him on it. Yuta had assigned him a presentation project that he was to give in a handful of days and Doyoung had spent most of if not all of his free time in the little library of dictionaries and manuals that lay scattered about in the back of the classroom. Ink stuck to Doyoung’s fingers most evenings, and oftentimes most mornings as he seems rather unable to clean the stains himself. 

As your thoughts linger on this, you look to the sedentary streets outside, the inside of the schoolhouse dim with the waning light of worn lamps and lanterns scattered around. A few passersby occasionally look into the building, most just move on without a second thought.

Quiet resounds around the building, only the gentle scratching of your pencil atop your paper. The interior is quieter than usual on this Tuesday evening– many of the boys had gone out, drinking, no doubt. But you cannot be too angry at them, apparently Yuta, in his chase of school authority, had given them a rather difficult test last week and had announced the results earlier this evening. Judging by the demeanor of those who left the classroom, this is a much needed getaway. So, after a chaste, secret kiss on the cheek, Doyoung was swept off by the other students, leaving you sitting alone to complete your work in silence. 

The seconds, minutes and hours tick away as you scribble and oft daydream into the ever becoming night. Then, you hear voices, feet scrambling and foreign words you only begin to comprehend as the doors to the school burst open and a plethora of bodies pour inside. 

“What happened?” The confusion sweeping into the room, overwhelming as an amalgamation of movement and shouting in several languages begins to overwhelm you. It’s then you begin to count heads; Doyoung, Minhyung, Jungwoo, Jeno… 

“Where’s John?” Amid the chaos you look at Minhyung, dread in his face paling as the seconds pass. “Minhyung,” you ask, voice growing softer as a sickening dread begins to clamp around your abdomen, “where is he?”

“He was injured.” A voice to your right. Doyoung stands in the gentle twilight of the school’s entranceway, dusk falling behind him as he moves to shut the door. “Yuta has taken him to his friend’s home to get him treatment.”

Minhyung begins to call out to you, to deter you from what Doyoung’s just relayed. But you still feel that clutching dread begging you to ask for more information. 

“Injured? Is he okay? Can I go and see him?” Voice now fraught with panic, you begin to question everything. “What happened?” Even if you and John had been at odds earlier, he is still a dear friend to you. 

A glance downward and you see Doyoung’s hands, stained not with the ink you recall from earlier but red with what you presume to be the blood of your friend. Another glance around the room and you see some of their shirts and pants have oblong streaks of drying cruor adorning them, almost as if they’d been carrying the injured party. 

“I think it would probably be best that we fill you in tomorrow,” Minhyung says with a frown, his own hands shoving into his pockets as if to hide any evidence of what had occurred, “all of us are… trying to understand what happened.” 

“Minhyung,” Jungwoo says something offhandedly to him, but you’re too hyper focused to try and translate. 

“Really?” Minhyung says to his friend and sighs out, shaking his head, a few beads of sweat that had been clinging onto the ends of his soaked locks fall onto the floor. He returns his gaze to you, a grimace set on his lips before speaking, “The group is going to go back out, we can walk you to your hotel if you need us to.”

But you do not feel like walking, you’re not sure that you can with the weight surmounting in your legs as the joints are locked into place. You let yourself have a strangled gulp before trying to compose yourself, “I will wait here for you all to come back.”’

“Are you sure?” Minhyung says hesitantly, “There’s a good chance that we may not be back until morning.”

“I don’t think I could leave if I tried,” you offer a weakened attempt at a smile. Hands clenching to try and stop the undeniable tremble coursing through you, the nauseating dread making you want to curl up and cry. 

“I’ll stay back with her,” Doyoung speaks up from beside you, his voice soft among the chatter that’s occurring elsewhere in the hall. 

Minhyung doesn’t speak, only looks from you to Doyoung before nodding his head in acquiescence. He calls the others over to tell them of their next plan, each resounding off a stuttered goodbye before leaving the school and treading back out into the now darkened streets. 

You stand staring at the doorway for a while, you’re not sure for how long as time feels both encased in ice and unbelievably fast at the current moment. It’s only when Doyoung moves to close the door once more are you pulled from staring out into nothingness and onto something real. 

His hands, bloodied and crude, remain at his sides as he removes them from the door’s handle and looks to you. There’s a glimmer of what looks like weariness in his eyes as he glances down to his palms, perhaps now only realizing to the extent they were stained. 

“Let me get you some soap and water,” you tell him, quickly leaving him standing alone as you whisk yourself off to the small bathroom in the back corner of the building. 

You grab the lye soap that sits atop the porcelain basin of the sink, only then to grab a bucket sitting next to it typically used for mopping. The contents dumped into the basin, you refill it to the best of your ability with the lukewarm water from the groaning pipes. 

Returning to the lobby of the school, you find Doyoung sitting at one of the tables lying at the entrance. He’s watching the world pass by as he sits, his eyes lost as he distracts himself with anything but his present. 

“Let me see your hands,” you say, setting the bucket down on the table top, as well as setting down the towel you’d slung over your shoulder. 

Doyoung jumps before he turns to you, startled by your presence as he probably hadn’t heard you come back. 

“There are bigger things to worry about other than my hands,” he begins to protest, only to have you shake your head at him and motion for him to extend his hands to you. And he does reluctantly, still sitting as you take his hand into yours. “Thank you…” his voice is quiet as you take the towel in your free hand and dip it into the water, only then to do a precursory scrub of his palm and fingers before lathering the soap onto it. 

“...Can you tell me what happened?” You ask, dipping the towel back into the water, noticing the liquid turning a tinge pink as you do so. Stomach twisting, you can tell Doyoung’s reluctant to answer by the way the digits on his hand twitch. 

He coughs to clear his throat, “We were in Gion meeting with one of Youngho’s acquaintances. The name escapes me, Donggeun, I think— But things turned sour quickly, some man started yelling at us after he heard us speak and then Yuta tried to calm him down. He was speaking so quickly that I couldn’t understand what he was saying.”  Doyoung recounts the event to you, but it’s still hard to get the gist of what had happened. “I know he said something about Itō’s death, but that wasn’t our fault,” tongue swiping over his bottom lip as you switch to his other hand, “even if it should have been. He got so riled up he called over a pair of policemen, we thought after talking to them they would let us go, but as we were leaving there were two shots that rang out. One hit the pavement beside us and the other hit Youngho in the leg.”

Your grip on Doyoung’s hand tightens at his last statement, he winces and pulls away, settling his hand atop the coarse towel and beginning to brush off the suds and water that remain stuck onto his hand. For the most part, the gore and viscera that stained both his skin and nails had muted into a softer pink, splotchy, but for the most part gone. He heaves out a breath, unable to look at you as he composes his thoughts,

“I don’t think it was the officers who fired, though. Youngho said that it was as we were carrying him off but when I looked back the officers had the man who was yelling at us pinned on the ground.” It’s hard to say why Doyoung’s relaying this piece of information, almost as if he’s doubting himself. “We took Youngho to one of Yuta’s friend’s houses, you should probably be able to see him late tomorrow or the next day depending on how things go.” 

Hands fumbling around with the rag in your hands, you nod and drop it into the bucket with a soft plop. “Thank you for telling me.” After a moment you move to grab both sides of the bucket, returning to the sink in the small bathroom and dumping the bloodied contents down the drain before placing it on the ground. 

You meet your reflection in the grimy mirror atop the basin, the dim light overhead casting strange and oblong shadows on your face as you notice how downcast you look. Eyes with dark circles, hair unkempt, more so than the typically casual look you adorn yourself with. 

A tear, hot and scorching, rolls down your cheek, a mass of guilt engraving its way on the hallows of your face before it drops into the sick. 

“Are you… okay?”

Maybe you’d been in here longer than you thought, Doyoung’s voice calling out after a gentle knock on the bathroom door. The light above flickers from the rumble of an incoming train somewhere in the distance, your hand falls to grip the basin of the sink, porcelain cool against your skin as you brace yourself to speak.

A cough into your hand, a look from your bleary eyes into your bleary visage in the mirror at Doyoung’s words. 

“I’m alright,” you say to yourself more than Doyoung, turning to open the door. You meet him, face to face in the dark hallway of the school and absolutely crumple. “I’m alright,” this time you say it while falling into him, face pressing against his shoulder as the wells of tears brimming stain into the gray of his coat. 

His hands find yours after a moment, gently pulling you towards the lobby of the school, the quiet sounds of your footsteps ringing around the hall. You find seating on the staircase leading to the second floor, Doyoung quietly sitting next to you, letting you weep all you need to. 

Soon you find that your tears run dry, leaving hot and sticky trails down the sides of your face as Doyoung continues to provide quiet comfort, one of his hands still entwined with yours. 

Head on his shoulder, your eyes trail to the dimly lit street outside, not a single person caring or knowing the strife you’re riddled with. It’s hard to ascertain whether you’re unbelievably angry or unbelievably upset, but your breaths lay heavy in your chest laden with that uncertain feeling. 

“I think I’d like to go back to the hotel,” the statement cold as it leaves you, anything but the comfort of which you desire set into every syllable. 

The walk back is forgotten in the haze of the events that transpired earlier in the evening, glowing lanterns buzzing with an electricity seen only to you and dimmed in the darkness encompassing your very being. 

Your lips don’t speak another word until you’re standing in front of your door at the hotel, Doyoung standing beside you in silent solidarity. Fingers grasping for the small key in your bag, hesitating before you slide the gilded thing into the lock. Turning to Doyoung you softly ask, “Can I stay with you tonight?”

The statement that would typically leave him flustered and pink takes on the air of a silent plea tonight. Anguish in your eyes and voice that you lay in front of him, vulnerable and nearly at your wit’s end. 

“Of course,” it’s nothing short of a quick response, his hand sliding into yours as he waits for you to take the first few steps towards his chamber. 

As you enter his room, you find that the only garment you discard is your jacket and shoes, flung atop the sofa and scattered on the floor before you fall into Doyoung’s bed. The scent of him fills your senses, only more so when he comes to kneel by the bedside so he can speak to you. 

“I’ll sleep on the settee, try and get some sleep so we can visit Youngho tomorrow.”

“Doyoung, I can nearly see your breath from here,” you reach out, taking his chilled hand into yours, gently pulling him towards the bed, “sleep in your own bed.”

“I should think a lady deserves a proper–”

“We can sleep on it together,” a pause as heat rises to the flesh on your cheeks, “Separately, of course. I just need the proximity of someone comforting.”

“You honor me,” Doyoung's smile curls at the edge of his lips, “I’ll go change in the bathroom, please make yourself feel comfortable.” 

For a moment more, Doyoung pauses, looking at you before you relinquish him from your grasp. He makes a slow approach towards the bathroom before heading inside, the door locking with a small click, leaving you alone with the empty space of the main interior. 

 [1909.11.19. 今出川ホテル、京都] The space of your dreams is nothing but a black, endless void that only aids in helping grow the gnawing anxiousness that pervades you even during sleep. It isn’t until the unfamiliar feeling of a hand ghosting your side pulls you from slumber. For a moment your heart races, your own hand reaching to grasp as the one hovering over you now—

“Sorry if this is too-” A sigh escapes you as Doyoung’s whisper grounds you in quiet reality. “You seemed troubled.” 

“Don’t apologize,” your voice rough from sleep, the ghost of your fingers atop the smooth surface of his hand, gently pressing the pads of your fingertips to him as a quiet gesture. You don’t turn to him from your side, instead looking towards the thick blue velveteen curtains that obscure any notion of light from the outside in front of you. “It’s alright, I promise. Are you alright?” 

From behind you can feel the bed shift with a short, unfunny laugh from his chest, “I don’t know. I suppose I am but tonight… I think it’s shaken everyone.”

“Do you think John will be okay?” A murmur from your lips as you gently pull Doyoung’s hand closer to your chest in want of comfort. 

Another shift, and you can tell he’s gingerly moving himself towards you, “He has to be.”

The call of the darkening void begins to etch its way around your vision. How can you sleep at a time like this? You should be racing over there now to see him. But that would make it real, the peril, why John had been anxious about you staying those handful of weeks back… 

With a squeeze, you relinquish Doyoung’s hand from your grasp and he returns it to its original position on your side, “I don’t know if I made the right decision coming here,” voice lost into the darkness of the room, in the breathing by the being beside you, you think to be asleep. 

“I don’t know if I did either,” a sleepy response from Doyoung, voice riddled with a tired concern ringing in its whisper. “But I don’t regret it,” his hand laid across your waist ever so slightly grasping at you as if to show his unspoken thoughts.

[1909.11.18. 滑川康男の住居、京都]The areas of Kyoto you had previously traversed seemed to be marketed towards a more foreign influence, you’ve come to surmise. Now as you walk anxiously with your hands threaded together through rows and rows of wooden-sided homes with thatched or tiled roofs, you’ve begun to see past the veneer of opulence that sought to bring in the traveling and wanderlustful for what the average citizen sees on a day-to-day basis. It is no more humble than the homes of Boston, in a way it reminds you almost nostalgically of what and who you left behind across the ocean and near an entire continent. A cat lazing on a nearby stoop gives you pause for a moment before you continue, lengthening your strides as you return to your party. 

“When John’s better he’ll need to return to Minnie.” You say rather assuredly, willing it to be, as Doyoung and you trail behind Yuta.

“Is that his… Friend?” With the way Doyoung emphasizes the last word you cannot help but let out a stifled chortle.

“She’s a cat,” you answer him quickly and he nods in understanding. “Did you have any pets growing up?”

Doyoung looks ahead at the road in front of him, the bustling streets hindering your path for a moment, the crowds coming in and out like the tides along the river. “We had a dog to guard the house, he might still be there but he was old and gray when I left. Not really a pet, though.”

“I see…” 

“We’ll be there soon,” Yuta calls from up ahead, “It’s just around this block.”

With those words you subconsciously find your legs moving even faster towards your friend.

The house that you arrived at was much like the other ones lining the streets. You’re welcomed in quietly by the host, their name eluding you as your vision tunneled to where they said your friend lay in quiet rest. 

“He should be awake,” Yuta says quietly, “Go and speak with him, we’ll be out here if you need anything.”

Down the hall, first room on the left. That’s where you find John looking outside, one of the sliding doors open to look towards the inner garden of the home, facing away from the sliding door you'd entered from. He lays in a futon, a stack of fresh bandages on the tatami next to him. With the way his breath rises and falls, you're unsure if he’s asleep or not.

“John?” You ask gingerly, stepping into the room. “Are you awake?”

When you hear him mutter out something you take a few strides toward him. His injured right leg remains covered by a blanket, held up by what you assumed to be a propped up pillow. There are beads of sweat pooled on his forehead as he turns slowly to meet your gaze.

His name leaves your mouth in a whisper as you fall to his side, knees thudding atop the tatami as you inch yourself closer. “How are you?” You wince at the question, fully knowing it wasn’t the best one to be asked.

“I’ve…” The words are slow to come, hoarse from a throat rung raw from pain, no doubt. “I’ve been better. Would you mind fetching my water? I’m not very amble at the moment.”

“Of course,” You say quickly, looking to the nightstand where a singular glass and water filled bucket lay. You notice your hands trembling slightly as you hand him the glass and help move it towards his lips. “I hope I’m not disturbing you, I just had to see if you…” 

“I understand,” he says, you notice his face is pale. Too pale for comfort.

“You’re absolutely feverish,” the back of your hand pressing gently against his forehead. Your free hand reaches to one of the rags already submerged in the basin of water atop the nightstand. “Were you injured anywhere else?”

“My pride remains intact, my morale slightly asunder but I’m sure it will recover in time,” he flashes you a weak smile. “I never like making you worry, even if it seems that’s all I make you do.”

“Do you remember when you were twelve and you had scarlet fever?”

“I remember being absolutely miserable,” John murmurs out, wiping the beads of water away from his eyes with the fabric of his shirt.

“Your mother sought out any doctor she could find to try and help you, and the plethora of holy men too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rabbi and an Episcopal priest in the same room as each other before,” you snort, recalling how frantic his mother had been. It had been scary, but he had made it.

The frown on his face encapsulates him for a moment and his eyes close, his head hitting the wall behind him gently, “You said that you loved me.”

It feels as if your heart has dropped into your stomach. You remember kneeling by his bed, whispering prayers to any and all gods that would help him recover from that illness. His pinkend and rashed flesh on display as the doctors said exposing the areas of effect would cause it to weaken the strain of disease, maybe. Under heavy sedation of laudanum and whatever other mystery tincture, it had stripped him of happiness and prayer was the only thing you offer, it wasn’t as if you were a physician or miracle man. Also, hadn’t he been asleep when you confessed that at his bedside?

Freezing before you’re able to dip the rag in the bucket again, “That was years ago, John. I do love you but not…”

It’s him that stifles a laugh, “I know. But it is still endearing that you’ve stayed by my side, I really do appreciate it.”

“You ass,” a gentle nudge, “You must truly be ill if you’re complimenting me for my duty as your best friend.”

“You’re probably right,” he replies breathily. His hand reaches out, and you take it instinctively. His grip is weak but reassuring. “I’m glad you’re here.”

You sit there in silence for a few moments, the only sounds being the rustle of the barren branches tapping against one another and the occasional chirp of birds. The tranquility of the scene contrasts sharply with the turmoil you feel inside. John has always been the strong one, the one to pull you out of your own dark times. Seeing him like this, vulnerable and dependent, shakes you to your core.

“You should rest,” you say softly, breaking the silence. “You need your strength. Did you want me to close the doors? It’s getting rather cold in here.”

He shakes his head, but you can see something stirring within. Words lay heavy on John’s tongue, you can see him formulating his thoughts before he speaks abruptly. “I’m going to Tokyo,” John sighs after a moment, sounding resolute. “After this,” his hand waves to his blanketed leg, “is healed.”

Now it is your turn to frown, “Tokyo? Whatever for?”

“It’s come to my understanding that my friends haven’t been making any headway for our cause,” John sighs out and you have the feeling he’s intentionally being vague.

“Why not ask the American government for help?” Even if he chooses to don the masque of ambiguity, you can still infer what he means.

“America and Japan have been formulating plans together for some years now, exercising their rights with one another. That’s how America gained control of the Philippines and Japan got control of Korea, the Pescadores, Taiwan and parts of Manchuria,” John relents after a moment. With the way his eyes widen briefly you can tell he’s already opened the door slightly for what his intentions may be., “I have hope and reason to believe that I can be more impactful if I reach the Korean consulate in Tokyo. I fear America will not be of any aid.” 

You take a deep breath, your hands still trembling slightly. “I understand your passion, John. I truly do. But promise me you won’t make any hasty decisions. Rest, heal properly. Then we can talk about how best to proceed.”

He nods, though you can tell he’s only partially conceding to your point. “I’ll rest. But I can’t promise to delay for too long.”

His stubbornness is both frustrating and admirable, and you feel a surge of protectiveness over your friend. “That’s all I can ask for now. Just... don’t push yourself too hard.”

John gives you a faint smile. “I’ll try not to, for your sake.”

You return to the main room, Yuta, Doyoung, and Yuta’s friend sitting around and not speaking. 

Doyoung stands as you enter, his hands twisting together as he notices the dour look on your face, “How is he?”

“As stubborn as ever,” you sigh out, “But I think he’ll be okay, I cannot be certain about the usage of his leg though–?” Eyes trail to Yuta and his friend, the latter of whom stands to address you.

“Apologies for not introducing myself, my name is Otomonoi Hiromu. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances but the doctor that was here earlier this morning said your friend would recover, albeit the mobility of his leg may be altered. The bullet failed to hit any major artery but shattered the bone of his femur…” 

Your stomach rolls and you nod your head slowly, “How long will his recovery take?”

“With the application of the Thomas splint anywhere from three to six months,” Yuta interjects, “We’re planning on having him moved to my residence within the next day. I fear we’ve encroached on Hiromu’s kindness too much already.”

“It’s truly no issue Yuta,” Hiromu nods and looks back to you, “Please let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you.” You say curtly and glance to Doyoung, “Did you wish to speak to him?”

“I think John needs his rest,” Doyoung says softly, and as if your apprehension is palpable suggests, “Would you like to take a walk with me?”

“Oh? Okay,” you murmur and take the arm Doyoung offers you. 

“We’ll meet you back at the school tomorrow evening if you wish,” Doyoung states to Yuta. “I cannot imagine that classes will be held today or tomorrow?”

“No, they won’t be.” Yuta nods, “I’ll send out letters informing the students of our reopening sometime later this week or next. Until tomorrow then.”

“Until then,” Doyoung then leads you outside, past the gate of the home and back to the busy streets. The two of you walk in silence, the churning in your stomach not lessening, despite your far proximity to the house in which John lay. “How are you feeling?” His voice breaks through to your thoughts after another few moments of walking.

“I did not see his leg,” you murmur, “but with the blood and panic of everyone yesterday I can surmount that it is no simple injury…”

“That isn’t what I asked,” Doyoung says softly, “I can only imagine the horrors you have felt in the last twenty-four hours.”

“No more than you, I suspect. I was not there when it happened.” You wince as you speak, unable to conjure the imagery of the attack in your mind. “I know John will get better, know that he is alive. That alone is enough to make me okay for now, at least.”

[1909.12.31 今出川外国人日本語学校、京都] John’s leg never healed fully. While he can apply pressure, a tearing pain sometimes courses the length of it, so, rather to be safe than sorry, he’s become acclimated to walking with a wooden crutch to catch himself should he ever find himself unstable. Aided by the arm of another, John slowly makes his way down the streets of Kyoto.

“I could have made it on my own, you know.” John’s voice escapes him in a plume of white, the breath intermingling with a few flakes of snow dancing towards the icy and muddied street below. A thin line of perspiration begins to form along his brow, but as it hits the frigid air it makes his body seem almost colder. “My speed has been reduced but I do not need such constant attending to.”

“She asked me to escort you,” Doyoung says, releasing Youngho from his grasp, “I could do nothing but oblige.” 

Youngho lets out a short, dry laugh at that, “She has a way of ordering us around.” 

The two of them walk still, their cheeks becoming more and more reddened with the wind that whips at them, slashing through the air at no measurable pace. There are few others on the road at this hour, the streetlamps glow in the nighttime, leading them further into the heart of the city. It isn’t until they come upon the familiar building which houses Yuta’s school that a liveliness begins to pervade the wintry night. Music drifts from the building, as does the sound of chatter and laughter.

“Is that…  A piano?” Doyoung asks, both he and Youngho know there were no instruments to be found in that building prior.

“A phonograph, perhaps.” Youngho murmurs as they stop outside, noticing a figure loitering around the front. A plume of smoke rises from the turned figure, Youngho lets out a sigh and calls out to them, “If your mother knew you were smoking, she’d have your head Minhyung.”

“Shit-” The younger jumps as he’d not heard the two approach. “She only wrote a scathing letter once about my allowance usage and that’s all you can remember of her.” Minhyung turns to the pair, “I’m happy you could make it.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Youngho flashes him a small smile. “I think it’s a bit too cold out here for me, so I’ll see you inside?”

“Of course,” Minhyung nods, “And be careful– I think Yuta was a bit… heavy handed with his pours tonight.”

It isn’t long until the two of them make their way into the now cramped space, soon finding themselves with a respective rum punch in hand. Youngho notes the faces that pass, most looking to the crutch at his side, and it leaves a sour taste on his tongue. Despite the people, he doesn’t find you among the faces that shift by him, and by the way Doyoung scans the crowd next to him, he cannot find you either. 

Eventually Youngho and Doyoung find you at the keys of an upright piano. An upright piano that had not been there the week prior, which had been the last time Youngho had visited the school. A cordial glass in hand, your free one seeks to play a small accompaniment to a piece that Jungwoo plays while seated next to you on the bench.

“I never knew you knew how to play!” Jungwoo says loudly, lifting his hands from the keys and reaching for his own glass atop the piano. 

“My mother made me take absolutely tear-inducing lessons when I was younger,” you laugh, taking a sip from your drink. You recoil a bit from the flavor, “Although I must admit it has come to my aid at parties, even though there is much to be desired.”

“I was unaware you played as well,” Doyoung notes as Youngho and he approach the bench, “You play wonderfully.”

“It was Jungwoo doing all of the work,” you admit, “And John can attest to my skill, as poorly as it is.”

“I’ll adamantly deny your assessment, you played a lovely set at my mother’s birthday several years ago,” He gives you a warm smile. “So much so that she begs me every year to urge you to play again for her.”

“Well, if I am back in time to play for her next year, you can consider me booked.”

“Then I must write to her to let her know of it,” He says and you turn your attention back to the piano. Youngho’s gaze lingers on you for a moment longer before he sinks into the crowd, looking for Yuta. It isn’t long until he finds his friend mingling with a few of the Chinese students in one of the classrooms. 

“Would you all mind if I stole him away for a while?” Youngho asks the group, while nodding his head towards Yuta. “Business, I’m afraid.”

Within a few moments the students have cleared the room, only leaving the two of them together. John sighs, setting his glass down onto one of the tables, and leaning against it slightly.

“Where in the world did you acquire a piano?”

“Do you like it?” Yuta smiles, “Hiromu’s sister was moving houses and had to do away with it… Too gauche or something of the like.” He hums and takes a sip of his drink, an old fashioned by the look of it. “Now, what is it you want to talk about? I know you cannot have asked to clear the room over a piano.”

“Am I that easy to read?” Youngho laughs, glancing to the hall to make sure no one was listening. “It is my intention to go to Tokyo within the upcoming week or so. I hope to have your discretion on the matter.”

“Who is it that you wouldn’t want to– Ah.” Yuta begins to ask, “You’ve already run off on her once, are you so eager to do it once again?”

“It isn’t as if I wouldn’t come back to her, I never intend to hurt her as I did before.” The taller sighs out, reaching for his drink. He takes a hearty swig, “She is my oldest friend and confidant of all things unrelated to the reasons that brought me here. I had only hoped to keep these two spheres of myself from ever colliding. But she is a whirlwind I can never account for.”

“And what is to stop her from following after you once more?” Yuta prods, “She is a whirlwind, after all.”

“Doyoung.” Youngho says simply.

“He’s staying here?”

“No,” Youngho shakes his head, “He’s coming with me. With both he and I’s assurance she will have to accept that we will return. She adores him too much to allow him to put himself in harm’s way.”

“What a gamble, thinking that she’ll do just that.” Yuta muses, knowing fully how well you seem to take heed from either of the two men. “As a friend I will not say anything to make her feel untoward towards your departure. But you cannot be angry with me if she chooses to go after you.”

“How could I?” John says with a small, thankful smile. “Now, I was also hoping to get a few contacts from you, although I suppose that can wait until after this little soiree. Apologies for taking you away from it.”

“It’s not an issue,” a wave of the thought away. “Now have fun, be merry. Mingle before everyone begins falling over themselves.”

And fall over themselves they do. The hours seem to pass in minutes with games, stories and revelers in abundance. Youngho finds himself flitting from group to group, with Minhyung and you speaking of prospective stories, to Jungwoo, Jeno and Sicheng arguing about some type of grammatical dissimilarity in Japanese compared to Korean and Chinese. He passes Doyoung at some point, who seems to be chatting with one of Yuta’s invited friends about the news industry. The party goes on late into the night, and it seems by the quarter hour another person has to step outside to regain their composure from the drunken stupors they find themselves in.

At one point, as the clock nears towards the end of the night and into the new year, John escapes from the bustle and sits on the stairs that lead to the second story of the building. He settles down, a third drink of the night placed on the stair next to him and his wooden crutch leaning against the wall.

A sigh escapes him and he tilts his head backwards, several joints popping in his neck. His eyes close and for a moment he listens to the chatter floating by him, of merriment and not the sinister dread that invades him most hours of the day. In another life he may have been able to enjoy tonight, but that path died early on in his life, especially since his first visit to Korea nearly fifteen years ago. A pang shoots up his leg as he shifts, reminding him more of the peril that he puts himself into. And another pang begins in his stomach, clenching and festering as he is reminded of the danger he has put you into. 

Youngho laments not writing to you before he left Korea, perhaps that would have diminished his fears. He laments telling his mother a portion of the truth of his detainment in Tokyo. He should have known word would get to you and that only God himself would be able to stop you from reaching him. He laments for keeping his thoughts to himself when he should have been more honest with you. There are many things he regrets, the ire of which is now before him as he hears movement coming from the hall of classrooms. With stiffened movement, he straightens and looks over to see you leading Doyoung out of one of the busy classrooms, your hands intertwined with his. 

He thinks of saying something, to announce his presence, but before he can he sees your face near Doyoung’s. You plant a soft kiss on his cheek as you whisper “Happy New Year”. Doyoung’s hand breaks free from your interlocking fingers as he goes to caress your cheek, it lowers and he guides you to meet his lips in a kiss that Youngho would not describe as chaste.

Youngho looks away from the two of you, suddenly now very interested in looking at a poster of the hiragana alphabet hanging on a nearby wall. The two of them leave bak for the party after a few more words that are too whispered for Youngho to hear, and he himself decides that he should return as well. After more mingling among the students and friends, he excuses himself, but not before asking Doyoung to join him for a cigarette.

“Okay,” Doyoung cedes as he bids you a short farewell, promising to be back soon. He follows Youngho out to the school entrance, the few flakes that had been falling from the sky becoming nothing more than a flake every moment or so now. “It looks as if the weather has taken a good turn.”

“If only it will stay that way,” Youngho says, reaching for the case of cigarettes and matchbook in his coat. “Would you mind striking this for me? I’m afraid I am still hindered.” 

“Of course,” Doyoung says, taking the matchbook and swiftly igniting one of the matches. He holds the flame to Youngho’s dangling cigarette, making sure it’s ignited before dropping it to the snow below. 

“Thanks.” Youngho takes a moment, letting the smoke mingle with the cold in his mouth before exhaling deeply. “Have you been enjoying your night?”

“It’s been quite a lovely party.” Doyoung nods, “Have you had any issues maneuvering around?”

“No, not at all.” Youngho responds before taking another drag of his cigarette. “I was wondering if you had told her about our plans to leave in the coming weeks, or if I should be the one to break the news to her–?”

A look of almost panic takes over Doyoung’s face momentarily, Youngho can’t tell the full extent as the streetlamps light only but so much. His brow furrows as he looks on to the younger, “Am I to take that as you haven’t mentioned it?”

“No– No, I have mentioned it to her.” 

“Then why do you look at me if I am a parent about to scold you?”

“I invited her to join us,” Doyoung says quickly as Youngho lets the cigarette fall from his mouth to the snow below, “And I know you made note of not asking her to but with her aid I truly feel that–!”

Before Doyoung can finish speaking, Youngho finds himself grappling the younger to the ground, the pain tearing through his leg be damned. “You fool–! It was expressly my intention not to bring her, are you deaf or so lost in your way you defy reason? Do you love her?” Both a question and a realization wrapped in a sentence too pained he hadn’t wanted it to spew from his lips. “Is that why you’re doing this?”

“Of course I love her.” Answered as if the question had been as simple as ‘Is the sky blue?’ Doyoung shoves Youngho, so the two are now parted, sitting on the muddy ground. “But not like a disillusioned oaf. Think, for a moment, of the circumstance and not of her beguile that you too, seem to fall asunder to.”

The wetness of the earth begins clinging to Youngho’s trousers, seeping up from the ground below. “In what way would she aid us? You’ve just about solidified her acquaintance with us and if we were ever to be found out…”

“Do you not think that she is aware of that?”

“No, Doyoung, I do not!” Youngho shakily rises to his feet, reaching for the crutch he’d discarded in his fury. “I have had many friends die because they thought to speak their minds. Would you bear that responsibility for someone whom we both deeply care for? Her blood would be on your hand–” 

It’s Doyoung who acts out not, sending a fist flying that collides with Youngho’s cheek. The older falters, but is otherwise unmoved from the display of rage from his friend. His hand raises to the site of the newfound injury, and he tenderly touches it.

“I will take your anger as drunkenness. But you know the truth as much as I do.” Youngho says solemnly, “I cannot make her stay, but you have put everything at risk by bringing her. It would be in our best interest to send her home.”

Doyoung’s breathing remains heavy as he nurses the hand he’d used to assail Youngho, “You know she would never let us.”

“Then we do not allow her a choice.” Youngho frowns, his hands reaching back into his coat for another cigarette, “I will play the villain but you must not fill her head with promises of a bright future. Everything grows more uncertain by the day and I wish for her to be as far away from this politicking and scheming as she can.”

[lov3lymoon96]

AAAAAA my heart😭i need MORE. He loves her. And ugh. Them being separated? No. 😭😭 this story is too good

[p0ckykiss-deactivated20260427]

pocky kiss - kim doyoung

summary -> doyoung trying to study while you want a kiss

doyoung furrows his eyebrows as he continuously hears shuffling to his right. not letting it deter him from his studying, he focuses on the text in his hands, letting terms and equations float through his mind whilst purposefully ignoring you beside him.

your shoulders slouch in disappointment when he doesn’t turn around. doyoung misses the chocolate stick that’s peeking out between your puckered lips, waiting to be eaten and allowing your lips to be met in between. you huff when doyoung is still facing away, your whining an echo in the small room, thoroughly ignored.

“fine,” your voice comes out muffled as you change positions to face the wall, feeling stubborn when your attention isn’t granted and eating the rest of the pack by yourself.

doyoung rolls his eyes, slightly annoyed, but his lips quirk up in a semi-smile anyway as he puts down the paperback. he reaches out to grab the back of your head, pulling it towards him and planting a firm kiss on unsuspecting lips.

“you’re so distracting,” doyoung whispers, breath warm as it fans over your moist lips and you are too dazed to answer.

doyoung huffs in triumph when you remain silent, eyes somewhat glassy, face blank, so he picks up his book again and starts reading where he left off

[exoluxionlove]

240718 Baekhyun Weverse Update (3 of 4)

<DAZED> KOREA Behind Photo [2]

[vampwrrr]

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

[love-byers]

imagine mourning the idea that your crush could ever like you back and then one night at a ball he crashes the marriage proposal you're about to receive, chases down your carriage, climbs in and gets on his knees talking about "PLEASEI I NEED HYOU SO BAD I CANNOT STOP TJIMKING OF YOU IT PLAGUES MY DREAMS I ONKY THINK OF YOU PLEASE PLEASE PELSSE PLEASE" then makes out with you, finger bangs you, and asks you to marry him

all within like half an hour . colin bridgerton needs to be in jail

[lov3lymoon96]

This new bridgerton season has my head spinning at those last 30 minutes were insane ?? The getting engaged in a carriage ride? Jesus. I need more it was crazy. But, it’s so good? Like??

[babiesdreams]

Hii! Its knighty here! Can i request something? Just a small imagine with doyoung where they're having a playful argument but it turns into smut and cany/nchokehimitsokayifyoudont

Rough but fluff💞

Love you, cutie!

I have been dying to give some powerplay to y'all.

Kim Doyoung: I'll make you listen +18

Warnings: Breath play, degradation, cum control and discipline.

"What the hell are u doing here?" Doyoung says with a deep voice, his brow raised, reflecting his confusion towards your actions. "I thought you were mad at me" His eyes fix on yours, staring into you deeply. "I am mad" you reply, with an agitated tone, not looking into his eyes at all.

"Then what are you doing here?" He ask, now tilting his head to the side a little, looking at you curiously, his voice had an edge to it, as if he was ready to argue with you.

"I forgot..." You start explaining but stop mid sentence, the truth is you came back because you couldn't bear the pain of leaving things like this. "This is my house too you know?" You simply state. "I do not need to explain what I am doing at my house"

He rolls his eyes at your explanation, not bothering to argue with you as he simply walks past you to find something to drink. "Whatever" He mutters, clearly annoyed by your presence.

"Don't whatever me" You reply annoyed. "After what you did you have no right to do so" He slams the fridge's door closed. "Just shut up" He snaps, he doesn't even bother looking at you.

"What the fuck has happened to us?" You ask, with a hint of dissapointment. "This is not who we are" He pauses, the question surprising him a little, and he sighs. He leans against the fridge, not facing you, looking at the ground now. "...Yeah.." He agrees eventually.

"Look I understand, people express themselves in different ways and I understand that love is a big word and that you don't say it to almost anyone. I do understand that you don't reply my every I love you with an I love you too. I... Understand. But it feels like you hate me" Tears start coming from your eyes. "We've been dating for a year and your reply has always been a kiss or a hug and... I can understand that but today... why did you say okay and ignored me like I asked you to do the groceries?"

The anger he felt before immediately vanished, and he just sighs, before closing his eyes, and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "You misunderstood everything..." He says calmly, walking closer to you, eyes now fixed on you.

"Then explain it to me" I shout at him. "Talk to me" His hand punches the wall behind you, trapping you between his body and the cold concrete. "I feel like you deserve better than me" He whispers. "Then be better" Your words are shaky and light, precaucious even.

"Do you love me?" You whisper while your eyes fall from his to his lips, as if you didn't really care about the answer. His lips trap yours in a messy kiss that you manage to pull away from. "Do you love me?" You raise your voice slightly, keeping his body apart from yours.

"I lo..." He mutters. "I love your morning kisses. I love holding your hand, feeling like I'm safe and protected, I love to see you smile..." You sigh, looking to the floor, too dissapointed to face him. "So you don't love me"

His hand lifts your face, forcing you to look at him. "No" He whispers. "I adore you" His words surprise you, making you freeze for a moment. "I... adore" He starts whispering again but you shut him with your lips.

The kiss starts being sweet, but soonly gets replaced with a lustful flavour. He lays his body weight on you, grinding against your body that hits the wall roughly. His hand playfully caress your thigh, moving the fabric of your skirt out of the way.

Your mind is full of unanswered questions, but his hands motions don't let you think clearly. You push his body away from yours. "Why didn't you..." Your heavy breaths force you to stop talking. All your eyes can look at are his lips. "Why didn't you say it earlier" You manage to let out.

He walks back towards you. His hand lays on your cheek, pulling your face closer. "I was afraid" He whispers. "That I would lose you" You look deeply into him, understanding how his past could have conditioned his actions.

"You won't lose me" You reassure him with a whisper. His hands move towards your neck, slowly applying pressure onto it. You gasp desperate for air, while his lips trap yours again. His free hand moves slowly up your legs, caressing the soft skin of your inner thigh.

A goosebump drives through your skin taking a soft moan out of your lips. The sound gets suckd by his mouth. He grunts as well, his grip on your leg gets tighter, pulling you closer to his body. You feel his bulge against your belly. The feeling makes you thrust your body closer to his.

He pulls out of the kiss, breathless. His eyes fix on yours, while he rests his forehead on yours. His hand moves from your neck to the back of your head. An evil grin grows on his lips and a small chuckle follows. After he recovers his breath, he positions both of his hands on the back of your thighs. He grunts while he lifts you in the air.

Your legs surround his neck, in an attempt to get more stability than what his arms can offer you. He passes his tongue over the light fabric of your underwear, burying his head beneath your skirt. You start moaning almost instantly, the feeling you had uncounciously been craving for the whole morning suddenly invades you in an uncontrollable wave of pleasure. He starts walking towards the bedroom, which forces you to bend to prevent your head to hit the doorframe.

Once in the bedroom, he throws your body on the bed, takes your panties off and keep eating you out. He teases your high, changing his pace everytime your moans get too loud. After a while he lifts his head, looking at your heavily blushed face with a smirk. His fingers keep on doing circles over your clit, while he climbs over you and kisses you passionately.

You trap his face with your hands, making sure he doesn't get away this time. His fingers enter you now, causing a series of loud moans to leave your lips following a messy rythm. You manage to somehow get on top of him by turning around. He looks surprised by your sudden actions, although not entirely mad at it.

He pulls his fingers off you. When his hand moves closer to your face you lick his fingers clean, tasting the flavour of your horniness. With his fingers still on your mouth, you start to undoing his belt and pulling his pants and underwear off. Your hand guides his erection inside of you.

You start riding him, keeping your hands on his chest for support. Your eyes don't look away from his face for a second, since you want to enjoy the view of his enjoyment. Something about his blush, his messy breaths and the low moans he lets out makes you feel somewhat empowered. Without thinking too much, your hand gets dragged up his chest. When it reaches his neck you apply the slightest pressure to it.

His expression shifts instantly. He moves so that he's on top of you again. "What are you doing?" He grunts with a slight grin. You're shocked at the speed of his reaction. "I just..." You try to explain yourself. He's still inside of you, but he's not moving an inch. "Do I need to discipline you?" He asks with a raised brow.

"W-what?" You ask while blush invades your cheeks at the thought of him being mad over such a silly thing. "I said" He starts, putting his hand on your sides to support himself. "Do" He roughly thrusts you. "I" He thrusts you again. "Need" Again. "To" Again. "Discipline" This time it goes all the way in, making his tip reach your cervix. "You" The last one is rougher, somehow.

You remain silent, shocked by how much this whole situation is turning you on. "I see I really need to" He whispers, before starting again. His thrusts are wild, really rough, deep and fast. It makes you lose control easily, turning into a horny mess.

"Why are you being so loud now?" He asks with a hint of degradation. "Are you close?" His question makes you realize you're actually on edge, so you nod. He stops so suddenly that it makes you gasp. His hand grabs your face and he gets closer. "If you can moan, you can talk" He whispers against your lips. A wave of heat runs through your body. "Are you close?" He asks slowly.

"Yes" you whisper, making him chuckle. His hand fixes your hair with a softness that makes a huge contrast with his previous actions. "Why are you so quiet now? Are you embarrassed?" He asks with a smile. "A little bit" You whisper with a soft smile. "Do you want me to stop then?" He asks with a smirk.

"No" Your voice suddenly raises. When you hear yourself you get embarrassed again. Being aware of how desperate you were was a first for you. "Oh no, but you are embarrassed I should stop" He says pulling away from you slowly. It drives you crazy how obvious it is that he's enjoying this just by looking at his grin. "No. Please" You say pulling his body closer, though his strength makes you fail at it.

"I don't know you don't seem convinced..." You roll your eyes, which seem to motivate him further. "Oh now your rolling your eyes at me?" He asks raising his brow. "Doyoung. Please" You say softly. "Please what?" He asks "What do you want?"

You breathe trying to get some patience back. "I want you to move" His grin grows. "Out of the way?" He teases. "No. I want to cum" You shout. By the look on his face, he seems satisfied. "That's a shame" He whispers. "I don't think you deserve it" You look at him with a desperate look, trying to guess if he's serious about it.

He thrusts slowly, trapping your face in between his hands. "You cannot cum" He whispers. "Understood?" You nod, just relieved that he's moving again. "Not until I do" His thrusts start getting rougher by every passing second. The speed makes you lose control of your moans easily.

His hand traps your neck, applying pressure to it. "Control yourself" He whispers. You start breathing slowly trying to prevent your high from taking over. His grunts hint that he must be close as well, so you keep on preventing your climax by controlling your breaths. When you feel the hot cum painting your walls you let go, although the fact that he inmediately pulls out of you stops it from happening.

You look at him, probably looking like an abandoned puppy. He doesn't seem bothered at all by it. His fingers go inside of you, but they don't move much, just enough to collect his cum. "Open your mouth" He orders and you obey, letting his fingers enter easily. The dripping fluid washes over your tongue.

"How do I taste?" He asks, caressing your inner thigh with his other hand. "So good" You say in a desperate tone that is completely new to you. His hand moves from your mouth to your thigh. Both of his hands open your legs while he licks you slowly. "How do I taste?" You ask back, trying to regain some power.

"Desperate" He groans before licking again. "Are you gonna cum on my mouth?" He asks teasingly. "If you're good enough..." You say trying to keep your cool although it's quite hard in your position. His lips trap your clit, sucking it in. A loud moan escapes your lips. "It doesn't seem hard at all" He comments and before you can answer he does it again. His tongue moves in circles over your clit and your high seems closer by every move he does.

When he sucks your clit tighter it makes you crumble. Your legs start shaking under his hands, your back arches and your breaths get messy. His tongue moves along your folds tasting every single drop of your desperation.

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Masterlist

[lov3lymoon96]

I was pretty much shaking during the whole thing but- it’s so good 🏃🏻‍♀️😳

[deactivated12321-deactivated202]

Title: Eternal Memories (Jaehyun)

Pairing- Jaehyun x fem!reader

Genre- angst, fluff (warnings: implied death, depression, pregnancy, hospital scenes, car crash, etc. it’s really sad yall…) this fic is all fiction and loosely inspired by Ariana Grande’s we can’t be friends mv.

Word Count- 5k

Summary- Jaehyun and you were so close to getting the life you've both always dreamed of. But right as things were looking up, they crashed down just as fast.

-

Jaehyun barely spoke to you these days.

You supposed that was what years of a relationship led to. You and Jaehyun didn’t have much but ever since you were both young, you always had each other.

What happened to the ‘I love yous’ and ‘we’ll figure it out together’ ? 

You cared about him dearly but you could feel the drift between what was once love. For the past month, he had been distant and you wondered if he was seeing someone else. His touches didn’t linger anymore and his kisses were chaste. Was he tired of you already? 

You were so frustrated with Jaehyun for always coming home late. It wasn’t like his superiors made him go drinking after work every day so just where was he? Whenever you asked, he would get defensive and brush the idea off. 

There was never much tranquility when the sun sets anymore. Day after night, your colorless days merged together and there was nothing to look forward to. Nothing to make life worth living. Everyday was the same and suffocating the hell out of you. Being an adult was just working and paying the bills and it was exhausting. 

And today was no different. 

It had been a long day at work and you were now back at your shared apartment. It was a small place but it didn’t matter. You and Jaehyun didn’t have much finances but you had each other. All you needed was Jaehyun and your life was worth living. But as of recently, there hasn’t been much of Jaehyun. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror of your bathroom. Did you let yourself go? Your face was a bit more round and you were pale. Your under eyes were dark and you looked like a ghost. You never wore makeup anymore either and you rarely dressed up. Was it because of your appearance? Did Jaehyun not find you attractive anymore? 

You had been tired the whole day, constantly getting headaches for the past few weeks. It was intolerable and you were just dying for sleep but you still had so much to do, just in case Jaehyun came home in time. 

Reluctantly, you pushed those thoughts out of your head and walked into the kitchen. 

Once again, you were cooking a meal that you would eat alone. You saved some for Jaehyun just in case but you had a feeling he wouldn’t eat it anyway. 

You didn’t know why you were incredibly hungry these days but you ended up eating a lot of pasta. It felt like an uncomfortable hunger and you decided to burn the calories off by exercising.

You stared at the clock as it ticked while jogging on the treadmill in the living room to burn off some calories. You blasted music in your headphones to distract yourself from your thoughts. You had to hold it together, even if you were miserable. You didn’t want Jaehyun to see you so broken. 

Just why had he changed so much? Where was the Jaehyun you fell in love with? 

One hour has passed and you were still running. The music had turned off now and all you could hear was the loud pounding of your thoughts as they consumed you. Tears began to cloud your vision from all the bottled up emotions. You had so much to say, yet he wasn’t even here to listen. 

Frustrated, you began to sprint faster. Your head was spinning and your vision was obscured but it didn’t stop you. And before you knew it, you felt nothing. 

-

The first thing you felt was something lodged in your arm as you opened your eyes. Glancing down, it hits you that you were in a hospital bed and there was a needle hooked to you.

“You’re awake,” Jaehyun said with worry as he went towards you. He was sitting on the chair on his phone when he heard you shuffle. 

“What happened?” you mumbled. Your eyes squinted and you felt so groggy. 

“You fainted.” Jaehyun said before he began to call the doctor. 

The next few minutes were filled with apprehensive thoughts. Right after the doctor said “you’re pregnant,” you didn’t hear anything else. All you managed to process was the fact that you were carrying Jaehyun’s baby and the fact that you were four weeks in. How was that even possible? You swore you always used protection. But then you remembered that one night you and him got a bit too tipsy. That one night you and him recklessly decided that it was fine. 

It didn hit you how serious this was until you glanced back at Jaehyun’s face. He was always good at keeping calm when stressed. His presence felt warm for once but you still couldn’t read him. You wondered what Jaehyun was thinking right now. Did he still love you? Did he want the baby? 

“Maam?” The doctor called. 

Jaehyun then squeezed your hand, bringing you back to the conversation going on in front of you. “Did you hear the doctor? Are you okay right now? Do you need water?” He seemed worried, but was he really? 

“I’m fine.” One look into Jaehyun’s eyes and you were anxious and curious. It was always hard to read him when he never smiled much these days.

After the doctor left, Jaehyun pushed a strand of hair behind your ear, almost as if he was admiring you. And for a split second, you swore it was the Jaehyun you fell in love with. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“I don’t know. How do you feel? I mean about me carrying your baby and all…” You had to know what he thought. You knew that he had always wanted to be a father. But he was still young. His future was ahead of him and you wouldn’t judge him for not wanting to be a part of the child’s life. 

Jaehyun hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “Everything happens for a reason and if it was meant for us to have a family right now, then it’s meant to be. Regardless, I fully support whatever decision you make.”

“Jaehyun,” you croaked. “I’m keeping the baby. I know we never meant to be parents so soon but I want the baby.”

“Me too.” He smiled, wishing he could pull you in for a hug right now. “I’ll be there by your side through everything. You know I love you.”

You stared back at him, finding it odd his demeanor had shifted back to the guy you loved. “Jaehyun… What are we these days? You were so distant up until now. How can we have a family like this?”

He bit down on his lip, looking guilty. He couldn’t put off the elephant in the room any longer. “Y/N… I’ve been keeping something from you.”

There it was, you thought. He was going to tell you that he was tired of you. He was going to tell you that he loved you but he also loved someone else. You were sure it had to be that. If only Jaehyun spoke faster instead of tripping over his own thoughts. 

“There’s this position available at work and it’ll pay a lot,” he began. “I’ve been staying after to drink with the company and doing whatever they made me do so I could get a promotion. I really wanted to keep it a secret so you wouldn’t get your hopes up if I didn’t get the position… I won’t find out for another week though so I’m so sorry if I’ve been distant, I’m not good at secrets. I just wanted to surprise you.” 

“Jaehyun…” You started to cry, not knowing how to control it. You were frustrated at him for making you worry and smacked his arm repeatedly but he didn’t pull away. He just sat next to you and took it, seeing how emotional you were. As much as you knew where he came from, you were also annoyed. “You could’ve just told me you dumbass. And here I thought you were cheating on me.”

“Don’t cry, I promise I'll always be with you, didn’t I?” He wiped a tear from your cheek. “We’re so close to our dream life. If everything goes smoothly and I get a raise, I promise one day I’ll make enough to get you the house you want and buy you the finest jewelry. And then when our baby grows up, we’ll finally be able to travel and work less. Just wait a bit baby, I’ll give you everything you deserve.” He gave the back of your hand a kiss and you bawled even harder. 

“I hate you,” you cried. Perhaps it was the hormones, but you felt so many emotions you couldn’t hold it in anymore. Perhaps it was the relief you felt, knowing that Jaehyun still loved you. 

You didn’t know who else to rely on if it weren’t for him. He was there for you when your parents died and he was here for you now. Your heart swelled at how much love you had for Jaehyun. 

When you got home that day, you laid in bed and slept in given how it was a weekend. Then when Jaehyun got home from work, you both ate dinner on the couch and decided to watch a movie together even though it was late. 

You watched as Jaehyun scrolled through all the channels on the cable and found a random movie. What you didn’t expect though was for it to be a romantic comedy, a genre Jaehyun rarely watched. 

“You want to watch a romantic movie?” you eyed Jaehyun. He was always the action movie kind of guy. You never thought Jaehyun would willingly want to watch a sappy romance movie with you. 

“Yeah, why not?” He smiled, and then squeezed your hand. 

In between the movie, there would be advertisements and there was one that crossed your mind— a memory removal and alteration clinic. It had catched your attention because of the research you had to do about it at work. 

The technology for memory wiping was still fairly new and came with many risks. You never understood why someone would want to erase their memories. Afterall, it shaped one’s personality and the way they are. If the memories are erased, wouldn’t indirect memories of other things be affected as well? You didn’t get it but Jaehyun did.

“I can see why people would erase their memories,” he’d say. “Some things are just too painful to bear and if this can help people move on from something, I think it’s worth investing in for further development and research,” he went on. 

You and Jaehyun had a discourse about all the complications of mind altering. But like the optimist Jaehyun was, he somehow found the good in the bad. You couldn’t argue with that, even if you had your concerns. Because at the end of the day, it all depended on circumstance. 

The next week, good news finally came. Jaehyun got the promotion and the promise of a better life was on track. You couldn’t wait to make more money either so you could give your baby the life you never had. 

At the start of the second trimester, you went for an ultrasound as Jaehyun held your hand. When you found out you were going to have a baby boy, you were so excited and so was Jaehyun. He had always wanted to be a father and now there would be a mini Jaehyun running around at home. Just the thought of a family made your heart swell. You were beyond happy. 

After countless back and forths, you finally decided to name the baby boy Jaehee, after his grandfather. It was the perfect name for the perfect baby. 

Later on that week, you and Jaehyun moved into a larger apartment. The current lease had run its course and Jaehyun was making double the money he used too. The neighborhood was perfect to raise your son in. There was even a playground outside and an elementary school nearby for Jaehee. 

Things were finally looking up after years of hardships and perseverance. There was more income now and you guys were finally able to afford a better life. You could afford to buy Jaehee all the toys he would want, quality diapers, and the good brand baby food. 

As time went on, Jaehyun only proved to be the perfect boyfriend. In his freetime, he would help you decorate Jaehee’s room with a crib and even a little bookshelf. You filled the room with cute animals and children's books. You couldn’t wait until he came out into this world. You couldn’t wait to read to Jaehee and sing lullabies for him. He was going to have the best life and you made sure of it. 

As it got closer to your due date, the realization of you having a kid started to become frightening. Just how were you going to take care of a baby when you could barely take care of yourself? 

Jaehyun would always assure you that you were going to be a great mother which eased half the worries. If it weren’t for him, you didn’t know if you could be stable. He was always the optimist and the one to comfort you when you overthinked. He never once brushed off your worries and was always there. Even in highschool when you lost your parents, he was there. He was the only constant in your life. 

On Jaehyun’s day off, he brought you to the beach where you and him went on a date a few years ago after dinner at a fancy restaurant. 

That beach was special to you. It was where you and him both talked for hours and listened to the waves before swimming and making out under the moonlight. That night was magical. It was the night where you realized you loved him. 

It had been hours of talking but you still weren’t tired, no, you could talk to him about nothing until sunrise. 

As you soaked in the waves hitting the shore, you couldn’t help but notice how Jaehyun was looking from beside you. It had been a long day and he still looked so perfect. His cheeks were slightly flushed and his hair was all messy but still, he was the most attractive man you’ve ever laid eyes on.

You were going on about daycares when he seemed to be spacing out, gazing at your face. 

“Why do you keep looking at me so weird?” you mumbled, feeling butterflies in your stomach. Even after so many years, he still managed to make you feel like a teenage girl who was just ecstatic that their crush talked to them.  

“You’re pretty,” he smiled.

You scoffed. Even if you loved it when he gave you compliments, you played it cool. 

Jaehyun then stood up and held out his hand to pull you up as well. 

“Are we leaving already?” you asked, but he didnt answer, digging into his pocket for something before getting down on one knee. 

Before you even realize it, he was looking up at you with a ring in his hand asking for your hand in marriage. You covered your mouth, with tears already pooling around your eyes. 

“I’ve been waiting to do this for ages, I love you so much and I’m sorry I couldn’t afford a better ring but I promise, I’ll make it up to you in the future. I just can’t wait any longer. So I guess what I’m trying to say is will you marry me?” 

You sobbed while nodding yes, eyes not even looking down at the ring. All you cared about was the man in front of you.  

Jaehyun smiled before he slipped the ring onto your finger. He then pulled you into his arms carefully to not hurt the baby. 

That night was perfect. He was perfect. 

Days and nights spent with him slipped by and before you knew it— two months later— your baby would be due. 

You were at home alone when your water broke. This time it felt real, like it wasn’t just a false alarm of contractions. Your due date was in a week but you supposed little Jaehee couldn’t wait to see the world and you couldn’t wait to get him out.

You clutched onto the living room sofa as you cried, grabbing your phone to call Jaehyun and thankfully he was on his way home. 

You were in so much pain but you were so excited to give your newborn baby a life. After months of waiting, you were finally about to give birth. You couldn’t wait to see your baby’s face. You wondered if he’d have Jaehyun’s nose or yours. 

When Jaehyun got home, he quickly grabbed a coat then helped get you down the floors into his car. He couldn’t help his excitement as he drove. He was about to be a father. At the same time, he couldn’t help but worry. There was traffic when he was rushing home, which only added to the length of your pain. And when you were hurt, he was too. He couldn’t bear to see how in pain you were. 

“Hang on babe, we’ll be okay,” he assured you, one hand on yours to show that he was there for you. 

You were yelling in pain, rushing him to hurry. Jaehyun tried his best, he really did. It just sucked that your apartment was so far away from a hospital. The closest one was a 30 minute drive on the freeway. He weaved through cars, going past the speed limit but he didn’t care. He just needed to get you to the hospital, then everything would be alright. 

“I can’t take it anymore Jaehyun,” you groaned, digging your nails into his hand.

Jaehyun looked over at you for just a second, pressing on the gas pedal a bit harder. “We’re almost there.”

“Jaehyun,” you exasperated, “the car, slow down,” you cried as you watched the road in front. There were so many cars on the road and Jaehyun was in the passing lane. You were anxious with the way he was driving, even if you felt like you could explode any minute. 

When Jaehyun turned his attention back to the road, a huge semi-truck suddenly merged into the lane he was in. He tried to press on the brakes to slow down but he was going too fast and there was a huge truck beside him too. With only a second to think, he slammed the breaks, swerving his car to the left shoulder. 

And just like that, everything changed. 

One minute you were in pain. The next, you felt nothing. 

-

You woke up in a cold sweat with pain in your lower body. You looked around frantically, not knowing what had happened. Once again, you were in a hospital bed. But this time, something felt tremendously wrong. Then it hit you, your baby bump. Where was your baby? 

You called for a nurse, and when she came, she explained to you what had happened. 

“You were in a terrible car accident. The driver was found deceased on the scene and you were unconscious. We tried to save the baby but unfortunately he’s gone.” She also explained some options to either dispose of Jaehee, cremate him, or bury him. She then got to the options for your fiancé. 

You started to sob as all the memories leading up to the accident replayed in your memory. You were complaining about the contractions and Jaehyun was speeding. His muffled voice as he tried to call the cops pounded into your skull as the memories came back. Tears blurred your vision. 

You were so close to having a happy family. So close. 

You couldn’t help but blame yourself. Afterall, Jaehyun was only speeding because of you. 

You cried for days, quitting your job just to figure out everything. You couldn’t even handle the fact that your family was gone let alone worry about a job. 

Jaehyun had worked so hard for the past few years just to help give you and him a comfortable life and it all went in vain. He didn’t even get to live his dream and travel the world, too busy trying to make a living. And now, he’d never be able to do that. 

You ended up burying your son and Jaehyun next to each other, visiting them whenever you could to pay your respects. It wasn’t fair how they did nothing wrong yet here they were buried 6 feet under. You felt like you should’ve been buried there next to them instead. It was just so painful to live and go on as if you didn’t take part in their deaths. Just how were you supposed to move on?

You left all of Jaehyun’s belongings the way they were. You didn’t dare touch them, wanting to preserve things the way they were. Every night, you slept on the sofa and cried yourself to sleep. You couldn’t sleep in your shared bedroom. It just felt so cold and empty without Jaehyun.

You couldn’t help but feel like everything was your fault. It was so much pain to bear.

Like every day, you blasted the volume of the TV so you could drown out your thoughts. And that was when an advertisement for a memory clinic played. It reminded you of the memory clinics you talked about with Jaehyun.

For a second, you felt hope. You never understood why anyone would want to erase their memories until now. The operation never looked more appealing. 

You quickly searched online for the clinic and called their number. After talking to a receptionist, you realized that people were more desperate to erase their memories than you thought. Appointments were booked for months in advance. 

The only opening was for a year later and you took it. You felt selfish for removing your memories of Jaehyun but you couldn’t live on like this. The guilt was eating you alive and you were rotting from the inside out. 

All you had to do was wait and endure this pain for a while longer. Then you could function again. 

[ 1 YEAR LATER ]

The night before the appointment for the memory removal, you visited Jaehyun and Jaehee’s grave one last time to pay your respects. 

You hovered over their graves and whispered your greetings. A mere two feet away from their tombstone, six feet above from their bones. You then kneeled and placed some flowers you had brought for them over the dirt.

The aching in your chest was still there along with all the memories and hopes you never got to carry out. 

The only source of light was from the full moon, illuminating the burial park. You waited for a sign to disrupt the heavy silence but to your dismay, nothing but the gust of wind pounded your eardrums, reminding you of the reality you were in. 

You closed your eyes to send out a loving message, holding onto the hope that they were listening before going home and crying yourself to sleep again. You couldn’t handle the guilt and regret anymore. But thankfully, today was the last day you’d carry around these feelings. 

The next day, it was finally time for your memory removal and alteration.

This was it, you thought. This would be the last time you’d ever remembered Jaehyun and Jaehee ever again. 

You had just finished signing the papers for the procedure and now you sat in the waiting room with the box of memories Jaehyun gave you.

As instructed, you got rid of all of Jaehyun and Jaehee’s belongings and shoved them into a storage unit. You didn’t feel right throwing it away and you couldn’t just keep them in your apartment. It would only cause your future self to get hurt trying to figure out why your past self wanted her memory wiped. 

You held onto the charm of the necklace Jaehyun gifted you for your first anniversary. You never took it off, not even when you went to bed. And although you weren’t about to back out of this procedure, you still couldn’t take it off. 

Before arriving to the clinic, you even freshened your memory with more research of the risks of memory alteration. It was a fairly new operation that could cause concussions and dementia in the long run. It was a dangerous procedure but you were desperate. On top of the physical harmful effects, you also had to relive all the painful moments very vividly. Some even described it as a dagger being drawn to the heart. And the unfortunate thing was, that was what it felt like to live with guilt while the ones you loved were dead. 

Then finally, your name was called and you made your way inside the operating room where your blood pressure was taken and a needle was inserted into your arm. A nurse then hooked a thin wire-like device around the back of your head that scanned your memories. 

In your arms, you held a box of memories Jaehyun gave you and some of his belongings. A hoodie he always wore. A stuffed bear he won for you on your first date. Random polaroids and even the ring he proposed to you with— perhaps the most meaningful thing to you. Everything you had been saving for this day. The only thing not in the box was the necklace on your neck. Perhaps the new you would forget all the meaning of the necklace and just find it pretty. You wanted to at least keep something of Jaehyun near your heart, even if you wouldn’t remember it. 

You’ve never been more sure of anything as you laid back in the patient chair, watching as the nurses sorted through your box of items that reminded you of Jaehyun.

The procedure was about to begin and you glanced over at the assistant nurse who scanned the items in your box. You felt your brain tingle as the device began to scan for specific memories. 

The doctor confirmed one last time if you were sure about the procedure and you nodded before resting your head back and closing your eyes. There was nothing else you were ever more sure of. This was it. This would be the last time you’d ever remember Jaehyun and Jaehee again. 

Even if it hurt, it had to be done. You couldn’t live with the memories any longer. 

And in one, two, three. 

Darkness. 

-

“Miss, are you alright?” someone said. The voice was barely audible and muffled.

Your hearing came first before the rest of your senses as you regained consciousness. You woke up with tears pooling around your eyes, trying to catch your breath. It felt like you had fallen off a cliff straight into the ocean with how suffocated you felt. You desperately grabbed onto your neck and felt a necklace that felt more like a rope. The chain felt so tight and you couldn’t endure the pain any longer, yanking it off yourself, now holding it in your palm. 

The doctors held onto you to calm you before explaining that the memory removal and alteration was successful. 

“There were some complications midway due to crashing static from certain memories, but nevertheless the operation is complete. Do you remember who it was that you erased?” The doctor asked as he typed in his monitor. 

“I-I don’t know,” you sighed. “Was it someone special?”

“Well, it must’ve been for you to get this procedure,” the doctor smiled. He then handed you a pamphlet of directions for your brain for the following 2 weeks. He told you to “take it easy” as you’d have holes in your memories for a while until your brain is fully healed. 

As you drove home that day, you couldn’t help but shake the thought. Just what could’ve hurt so much that drove you to a memory clinic? You could’ve sworn you’d never end up here. After all, this was only a new practice and you were basically a lab rat in their hands. 

Whatever it was, it must’ve hurt real bad for you to come here. You didn’t know what else to think. 

As you got back to your apartment that day, you couldn’t help but wonder why you got such a huge apartment when you lived alone. You quickly made yourself some dinner before lying on the couch to watch TV. As you did, you couldn’t help but come across a cute advertisement of a puppy. 

Why didn’t you get a puppy? This huge apartment was so lonely to live in alone. 

The next day you went to your local shelter and fell in love with a cute puppy and started to fill out the paperwork. 

“I’m sure this little fella is excited to get a new home,” the worker beamed. “What are you planning on naming him?” 

“I’m not sure,” you sighed, mulling over the question for a bit. “Maybe Jaehee? That sounds like a cute name doesn't it?”

“A human name?” The worker seemed surprised. “Is he named after someone in your life? A friend?”

“I don’t know but he is the only friend I have at the moment, even if he isn’t human,” you smiled, stretching your neck to sneak a peek at your future puppy flapping his tail. “I can’t remember why, but I just feel like it’s a cute and fitting name.” 

The worker nodded, finding it an odd name for a puppy but he didn’t comment on it any further. 

After finishing all the procedures of adopting, you walked out of the shelter with a little friend and drove him immediately to the pet supermarket. You couldn’t wait to raise this puppy and give him a good life with all the toys and treats in the world. He was going to be a spoiled baby for sure. 

[lov3lymoon96]

STOPPP THIS MADE ME CRY 😭😭😭😭this was so sad but, you did amazing 😭☝🏻

[promise-you-doie]

K. Doyoung | From Home

Feeling overwhelmed by leaving everything familiar behind, you find solace in meeting Doyoung, who exudes a comforting familiarity that reminds you of home. His presence ignites a passionate fire within you, drawing you closer and easing the transition into your new chapter of life.

Doyoung x Reader (Strangers to lovers)

12k words

Mainly fluffy, a little angsty, suggestive.

Playlist

Part 1 - Coming Home

No smut, but this is a bit more suggestive than any of the other things I've put out. (Don't make fun of me, please; I'll cry.) This was only supposed to be 6k words, but I didn't wanna make you guys wait for a part three. Feedback is much appreciated. Thank you. :)

It was just another Saturday night. Your window was cracked half open, and the breeze from outside allowed itself in, brushing past the skin of your arm while you reviewed the notes from Thursday's lecture. Your roommate was long gone, so you had the room to yourself. This meant you got to play your music as loudly as you wanted without her complaining that it was "trash" or "boring."

You hummed along to the song and tapped your pen against the thin paper while checking the time on your alarm clock. Then, you tap your phone to see if you've received any missed calls or messages in the past two minutes.

You hadn't.

With a long, deep sigh, you returned to your notes and continued studying—until you heard your phone ring and Jaehyun's name flash across your screen. You rushed to answer your phone, your grin wide, your eyes bright.

"Hey, beautiful." When you accepted the call, Jaehyun's smile was as big as yours. You watched him rest in his bed, and you went to do the same. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Jae." You pout. "I really wish you were here."

"I wish you were here." His voice is clear through your phone speaker, causing butterflies to erupt in the pit of your stomach. If this wasn't love, you didn't know what it was. You had your whole life planned around Jaehyun, and so far, everything has been going exactly as planned.

"I can't wait 'til you come back," he added, wiping the smile right off your face.

"I'm not coming back." You whispered.

He asks, "Why not?" You watch him shift on his bed to look at you. He's obviously confused; it doesn't take a genius to see it. His smile of adoration is long gone, and his eyes aren't as gentle as they were when you first answered the call.

"There's nothing there for me. Everything I need is here in L.A." You explain.

"What about me?" His voice was soft, but not the kind of soft you were used to. It was different; it almost broke you.

"Well… I thought you could come here." You flashed your doe eyes into the camera and mustered up a sincere smile to hide your nervousness about his reaction. You never talked about life after college; you just kind of assumed that he loved you enough to come with you.

You were wrong.

"Why would I do that?" His eyebrows furrowed, his tone almost degrading.

"I just thought you would because then we could be together. I hate long-distance—you know that—and I just want to be with you." You began rambling and rubbing your hands against each other to distract yourself from crying.

"The city has never been my thing; I don't see why you won't just come back home. What does Los Angeles have that Connecticut doesn't?"

"Everything, Jae. Nobody knows me here. I can start over, pursue my career, and live the life I have dreamt of since I was a little girl." Your voice was shaky, and you hated it. It felt like the air was fighting against you as you began choking over your own words.

"This is stupid." He laughed and looked away from the camera, unintentionally flashing his dimple as he did so.

"Stupid?" You repeat

"We've always talked about finding an apartment here and moving in together. Now, suddenly, you're in L.A. and want to abandon me?"

"I'm not abandoning you, Jae; I just really, really don't wanna go back there." You stress. He missed when you dried the warm tears on your cheek with the balls of your wrists.

"It feels like you are."

"I'm not." You murmured, looking down and tugging at the ends of your shirt.

"Well, you don't want to come back, and I don't want to go to L.A. So now what?" he asked. He's almost three thousand miles away, but the way he looks at you through the camera makes you feel like he can see right through you.

You mumble, "I don't know." Before you hear a loud sigh come through the phone's speaker, Jaehyun presses his lips into a thin line and throws his hand over his head to wipe his face once.

You could tell that he was frustrated, and you hated that you were the reason why. You thought to apologize, but you knew that it wouldn't help anything. So you remained quiet and waited for him to say something to break the awkward silence.

"Maybe you should get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, I love yo-" Your boyfriend wastes no time hanging up the phone and leaving you to sit in your own quietude.

That was your first argument, and after that, everything just went downhill. Your phone calls got shorter and shorter. Some nights, he wouldn't even call, and when he did call, it always ended in an argument. You tried dragging out your relationship for as long as possible, and you knew he was doing the same.

But eventually, it grew to a point when you started to dread his calls. Eventually, you started questioning whether you were still in a relationship. Eventually, you began to wonder if you even wanted to be in a relationship anymore.

Another Saturday night, spent in your dorm room alone. This time, instead of studying, you chose to order in and watch Netflix. You're three episodes in when your phone begins to ring. You pause your show and pick up your cell to find Jaehyun's contact flashing across your screen.

Hesitantly, you swipe to answer and prop your phone up on the table so you don't have to hold it.

"Hey, baby." His baritone voice rings through your ears in a way that no other voice could. Things might've been rocky, but you loved him—you were sure of that.

"Hey, Jaehyun." You chipped, leaning back against the couch so he could see your complete frame.

"Jaehyun?" He repeats, obviously dissatisfied.

You ask, "What?" And look closer to see the displeased look on his face.

"What happened to Jae?" He queries.

You frown, "Could we not argue today?" Ending your sentence with a "Please."

"Okay, y/n." He's being sarcastic, and you can tell. You overlook it and move on to the next subject because you'd much rather end the call with "I love you" than another heated discussion that causes one of you to hang up abruptly.

"How was your day?" You ask, hoping to change the subject.

"Boring, but I've been thinking about you all day." You watch his frown grow into a smile, which makes you feel at ease.

"Oh yeah, What were you thinking about?"

"Remember when we used to sneak out at night?" He reminisces. "The things we used to do." His smile shines on your screen; you can see his dimples and crescent eyes.

"You know your mom started calling me her son-in-law?" He brings it up suddenly.

"She's annoying." You roll your eyes and feel a sense of peace—finally, you can have a normal conversation with him.

"So when you come back, I was thinking that we could try out this restaurant that just opened. Everyone's been talking about it, but I didn't wanna try it without you." You didn't know if he was doing this on purpose or if he really just ignored everything that ever left your mouth.

"We talked about this, Jaehyun. I'm not coming back."

"Listen, I know L.A. seems new and exciting, but this is your home, whether you like it or not."

"I'm not doing this with you tonight." You breathe, picking up your phone to get ready to hang up, when he sighs and says, "I don't understand why you're being so stubborn."

"I'm not being stubborn. You just aren't listening to me."

"Okay, so now this is my fault?" He sits up and picks up the phone to see you better.

"I'm not blaming you. I just wished you cared enough about me to know that I'm happy here." He remains quiet, so you continue. "I don't wanna go back to Connecticut, and if you don't understand that, then maybe…" You pause, tears already beginning to form and your voice shaking just at the thought, "We should break up."

It falls quiet for about ten long seconds. Suddenly, you become hyper-aware of his background noises, his lack of facial expression, and the breath that you've been holding since you last spoke.

"Okay," he sighs, "If that's what you want." The call is dropped as soon as those words meet your ears. Once again, you're left to deal with your own silence and a fresh new set of warm tears that stroll easily down your cheeks.

"Hey girl, I—" Joy stops when she notices how puffy and red your eyes are. With that, she closes the door to console you. Nothing else is said when she wraps her slim arms around you to pull you into a hug, holding your head to her chest and patting it softly.

"I don't know about this." You look down at the dress Joy picks out for you. At first glance, it seems that the dress is two sizes too small for you, but that's the least of your worries. You were more concerned about coming up with an excuse to get you out of going out tonight.

"We have to get you out of this room. The energy you're harboring here is not healthy for your soul. And—" You hold your hand and nod to stop your roommate before she goes into another one of her lectures.

"I'll go. Just give me the dress."

The bar is small and intimate. You notice that everyone here knows each other. Everyone except you. Joy loosely holds your wrist in her hand as she drags you around to meet different people. You recognize a few of them, and most of them you don’t.

"Oh, there he is." She squeals, tightening her grip on your wrist and pulling you towards the tall, dark-haired stranger who already has his eyes on you.

"Doyoung, this is Y/n, and Y/n, this is Doyoung." Joy greets both of you and brings both of her hands to her cheeks when you both say "Hi" at the same time.

You don't notice when Joy slips away; you're too busy staring at the beautiful stranger in front of you. "I don't think I've seen you around before. Are you new?" He asks first

You nod your head, "Yeah, I'm a first-year."

Your eyes never leave him; there's some type of gravitational force pulling you closer to him. Something about him feels different, something no one has ever made you feel—not even Jaehyun.

Oh, Jaehyun.

"Sorry, I gotta go." You unintentionally stop him mid-sentence, unaware that he was even talking. And you run off faster than it took for him to say, "Okay." He blinks once, and you're gone.

Joy watches you leave the bar from afar, chasing after you before you can get too far. Nearly twisting her ankle in the high black heels she was wearing, she catches up to you but not without asking, "What happened?"

She doesn't get a verbal answer or any response at all, but she knows. She knows all too well.

Joy lets out a long sigh, "Let's go home." She holds her hand out, and you take it, once again allowing her to lead you back home.

You sat curled up in your bed with the prized bear that Jaehyun won you from the fair two years ago at the fair and his contact pulled up on your phone.

Your fingers dance around the phone, trying to find the right words. You want to tell him you miss him and you're sorry, but you're also afraid. What if he's mad at you? What if he had already found someone new? What if he never really loved you and was just waiting for you to break up with him?

All these questions swirl in your mind, and that should've been enough to stop you from texting him, but you let your heart take control. Mindlessly, you begin typing out, "I miss you; please call me." Just before you can hit send, you get a notification for a text message from an unknown number.

Unknown: Hey, this is Doyoung. Joy gave me your number.

Joy's already watching you from the corner of the room. When you look up, she's nervously gazing at you. Biting her bottom lip in anticipation.

"I know I should've asked you first, but he's a good guy. I think you should give him a chance." She defends herself, although she doesn't really have to. You could never be mad at her.

"Fine." You roll your eyes and pick up your phone to answer him.

Unsure of how to respond, you just typed "Hey," hoping that he would carry on the conversation.

"He's asking to hang out." You confessed to Joy when you held up your phone for her to see, even though you knew she couldn't see anything from where she was sitting.

"Tell him yes." She says urgently, jumping in her spot.

You obey her and use your thumbs to type out, "Sure, what time do you have in mind?"

He replies not even a second later with, "How about tonight?"

"He wants to hang out tonight," you shoot your head up.

"Oh, he's really interested in you.' Joy squeaks,

"What do I say?"

"Yes!" She squeals again, and you listen.

Jaehyun was long forgotten as you walked along the dark beach, listening to the sound of waves crashing in. The sky was pitch black; the only visible light was the moon, and the street lamps lined up a few yards away.

You can see Doyoung's face visibly; he's just as handsome as you remembered him from earlier in the evening, although you weren't expecting him to change in just a few hours.

"I love the beaches here," you admit.

He sounds, "Yeah?" While looking down at you and, you nod

"They're the reason I chose to come to California." The weather was warm on a Friday night, but the breeze coming in from the shore had you pulling down the sleeves of your turquoise blue sweater.

Doyoung noticed it and slipped his jacket off to drape it over your shoulders, asking, "Where are you from?"

You answer, "Connecticut." As you continue walking along the dark beach, taking in the warmth of his blue varsity jacket.

"Wow, you're far away from home, aren't you?"

"I guess." You agree. The waves come in just a little harder and leave your feet set and sandy.

"Well, how do you like California?" He asked

"It's beautiful. Very different from Connecticut," you boasted, feeling a sense of achievement since you had lived out your childhood dream. A subtle smile fell upon your face.

"I'm glad you're here," Doyoung said.

"Me too." You reply, looking up at him.

You aren't thinking about your ex for the first time in two months, and it feels nice.

You hated the student library, its familiarity, its blandness, and the fact that the staff always kept the air conditioning so high. But you needed to study, and this was the best place you could think of since your roommate took over your dorm to have her boyfriend over.

The library was awful, but you got used to it after a while. All it took was some warm tea and a set of earphones for you to lose track of time. Two minutes turned into an hour, and an hour turned into three. So, what should have been a 30-minute study session became a five-hour study day.

Granted, you did get distracted a few times.

The library is relatively full, but Doyoung still easily picks you out. He slides into the empty chair behind you and taps your shoulder. "Have you been here all day?" He asks.

You lie and answer, "No." But the snack wrappers and coffee cups tell him otherwise.

Knowing you aren't telling the truth, he asks, "What time did you arrive?" Resting his cheek on the palm of his hand to look at you.

You feel the heat rush to your cheeks before your turn to avoid his gaze. "Um, probably around like… 2ish?" You mumble to where he can barely hear you.

"You ever been to Karaoke?" He asks suddenly, causing you to whip your head around at his odd question.

"No." You answer.

Doyoung doesn't ask any further questions before he reaches to clean up your notebooks, and you do the same. "What are you doing?" You ask, still packing up the rest of your stuff.

"There's a karaoke spot around here." He takes your bag and swings it around his shoulder.

Your eyes widen instinctively when you stand up beside him. "Doyoung, I can't sing." You whine, but he only laughs, flashing arguably the prettiest smile you've ever seen.

"You don't have to know how to sing; it's just supposed to be fun," he says, guiding you out of the library with your bag still hanging off his shoulder. No matter how much you protest and argue, you still end up in a karaoke booth.

"No," you shake your head and wave your hands around. "You don't want to hear me sing, I promise."

"I do." Doyoung insists, pushing the microphone in your direction. Despite his charming smile and persistence, you're still reluctant.

It takes him putting on one of your favorite songs for you to start humming along. He makes you comfortable by randomly singing along to the words on the screen and pressing the microphone to your lips so you can sing with him.

Which you do. Your anxiousness is long gone, and you begin to dance to the beat with him beside you. You're lost in the moment, but Doyoung is smiling at you as if you hung the sun, moon, and stars with your own two hands.

"Where were you?" Joy scolds before you fully walk into the dorm.

"I was studying." You shrugged and closed the door behind you.

"Libray closed an hour ago," Your best friend stands up to you and folds her arms over her chest. "And it only takes 15 minutes to walk back." She continues. "You can't lie to me, Y/n."

You mutter, "And then I went out to karaoke with Doyoung." As you plop down on your bed with a slight grin, you say, "Well, that, and we got something to eat afterward."

That's when you see her glare change, and her smile grows wider than yours. "Why didn't you just say that?" She sat down right next to you. "You should've stayed out longer."

Your best friend slips her arm around yours and rests her head on your shoulder. "How did it go? Did you kiss?"

Joy is fully dressed, hair and makeup done, and ready to head out the door. Meanwhile, you're still slouched on your bed, hair pushed up into a messy bun, and glasses hanging loosely above your nose. "I don't wanna go," you whine, arms crossed over your chest.

"Doyoung is going to be there," Joy sings, hoping that will be enough to get you out of bed.

It's not.

"You're terrible at lying," you mumble, unconvinced.

"Please, Y/n. He'll come if you're there," Joy pleads, her hands clasped together as she does her best to give you puppy eyes.

"I'm not going just because he's there," you attest, but you still push your glasses up against your nose and roll off the bed to get dressed.

The "party" isn't really a party. There's just a small selection of people gathered around Kun's place. Most of them are familiar, as in you can put a name to a face. But there are still a few that you have to be acquainted with.

You occupy yourself with the snack table, seeing that Joy is too concerned with her boyfriend to notice that you're gone. Occasionally, you scan the area to see if Doyoung has shown up yet.

"Hey." You hear a somewhat familiar voice come from behind you, and when you turn around, you're faced with a broad, pearly white smile and long black locks of hair.

"Oh hey, Yuta." You smile to match his.

"I didn't think I'd see you here," he comments as he passes you a bottle of water. "You're always so hung up on that imaginary boyfriend of yours."

You press your lips into a thin line. You could try to convince him for the hundredth time that Jaehyun actually existed, or you could protect your energy and peace tonight by simply ignoring him.

You choose to argue.

"I don't know how else to prove to you that he's real. I'm starting to think that you're choosing to stay in denial because it makes you feel better for trying to flirt with someone in a relationship." You say calmly before opening your water bottle to take a sip.

You can feel his smirk from the corner of your eye before he opens his mouth to say, "I'll believe it when I see it."

That's when you feel that sharp feeling in the pit of your stomach, "Actually, we broke up." You look down to close your water bottle to avoid eye contact. "So you probably won't ever see it."

Yuta only laughs, "That's a new one."

"Will you leave her alone?" Joy waltzes in, "She doesn't want you. Go find some other freshman girl to bother." Your best friend wraps her arm around yours to pull you away from him.

"We were just talking." He defends, but she doesn't stick around to listen, and neither do you with you tied to her arm.

"Doyoung's been looking for you." She gushes and gestures her head towards the tall brown-haired boy conversing with Kun. He looks up almost as if he can feel your eyes on him, and his hands wave around as a greeting.

"Hey." You say first, a little too happily for your own liking.

Doyoung opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out when he's interrupted by Taeyong.

"Alright, guys, we're playing truth or dare." He calls loudly by Doyoungs ear. You can't help but wonder if it was on purpose or not.

"Truth or dare?" Joy repeats, "Isn't that for kids?" She insults but moves towards the living room where everyone else is, her arm still hung around yours.

Everyone gathered around in a circle, Joy on one side of you and Doyoung on the other.

Taeyong starts the game off with "Y/n!" He yells suddenly, and you quickly learn that he likes to startle people. "Truth or dare?"

"um, dare." You murmur.

"I dare you to make out with Yuta." Taeyong grins. You don't have to look at Yuta to know that he's doing the same.

"She'll pass," Joy speaks up for you so you don't have to. Then she reaches for the cup in front of you to drink your penalty for not going through with the dare. "Next." She hisses when the cup is empty, and her eyes are squeezed shut.

You hear Yuta mumble "Boring" under his breath, but he's not looking in either of your directions.

Kun speaks next, "Doyoung truth or dare?" And Doyoung doesn't give him the opportunity to further the question before he's downing the cup in front of him.

"Wow." Kun presses his lips into a thin line while the rest of the group laughs at the interaction.

The game goes on smoothly. Doyoung dares Taeyong to eat a spoonful of crushed red pepper, and Kun gets asked about his "daddy kink." Eventually, it becomes your turn. You scan the room for possible candidates, but you only have one name on your mind: "Doyoung," you utter. "Truth or dare."

"Dare." He confidently answers.

"I dare you to make out with her right now," Joy yells as you devise a dare to give him. And before you could take back what she said, Doyoung leans in to kiss your cheek. It's not anything significant, but it's more than enough to leave you flustered.

"I said make out, as in tongue her down. But that's good enough, I guess." Joy rolled her eyes.

"I wonder how her boyfriend would feel about that." Yuta grimaces, his head cocked to the side. That's what breaks you out of your little love trance. You chose to ignore him, and thankfully, your best friend does too. Even though you see her glaring at him with her tongue poking through her cheek as she tries to hold her composure.

"Hey." Doyoung reaches beside you to help clean the floor once the party is over.

You stand up straight to face him, "Hey."

"Joy told me to take you home," he says, pulling the bottles out of your hand.

"You don't have to."

"I don't mind." He speaks faster than it takes for you to finish your sentence.

"Oh- okay." You nod, "Let me just get my stuff."

Your third time in Doyoung's car is more awkward than your first. The music fills the silence, but you still feel obligated to say something. The only issue is that you don't know what.

"Are you cold?" Doyoung asks, dragging his hand to adjust the heat while leaving his other hand on the steering wheel.

"Just a little." You say.

And then it falls quiet again, which only leads you to think. Twiddling your thumbs when you blurt, "I don't have a boyfriend. Well, I did, but we broke up. But that was a while ago. I haven't talked to him since."

"Joy already told me," He stops you.

"What all did she tell you?"

"Just that you were feeling down since your breakup, and to be patient with you." He answers casually and politely. His focus is on the road, but you're still watching him.

"I'm not feeling that down. I mean, it's been months. I'm sure he's not thinking about me anymore. So I should move on." You stop when you realize you've been rambling again. "Right?" you ask.

"What do you think?" Doyoung flips the question back around.

"I think that I'm young," The car's quieter than it was when you first got in, possibly because the music had magically stopped playing in the middle of your conversation. Doyoung glances at you, but only for a really quick second before his eyes go back to the road ahead of him. "and I deserve to be happy. It's always been a dream of mine to go to school in California and start a new life. And now I'm here in L.A." You finish with, "So I should be happy."

"I agree." Doyoung nods. He pulls into the parking lot of your dorm and turns to look at you with a subtle smile.

This is the part where you're supposed to confess. Tell him that you really like spending time with him and possibly even making out in the back of his car.

But you don't.

You simply match his smile and say, "Thank you." You add, "For giving me a ride home and for listening."

"Anytime."

Your dorm room is just big enough for Joy and you. Although sometimes it got a little stuffy, it was usually really fun. Living with your best friend meant that every night was girls' night.

The only thing between you and your roommate was two boxes of pizza because you couldn't decide on toppings.

"So~" Joy drags out as she sets the crust of her pizza down in front of you.

You sound, "Yeah?" before taking another bite.

"How are things going with Doyoung?"

"You keep asking me this." You laugh and roll your eyes. You're furthest from annoyed, but the question started to get a bit old. "We're just friends."

"Oh, 'just friends,' my ass. I see the way you look at eachother." She attests.

"It doesn't mean anything." You shrug

"It means everything. It's like Shakespeare said 'eyes are windows to the soul."

"Shakespeare wasn't talking about me and Doyoung," you retort. Plus, he couldn't even spell, so why would I trust his judgment?"

"Okay, fine. Forget about Shakespeare. Even a blind baby could see that you and Doyoung are into each other, and it's not just as friends." Joy drags her index finger out to prove her point.

You feel your phone vibrate by your leg but ignore it while making your next point. "Even if we did like each other, I just got out of a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to him if I'm not emotionally available."

When you finish speaking, you reach out to pick up your phone and check your alerts.

"It's been six months. At this point, you're just wasting both of your time," Joy says while you continue reading your messages. "You can ignore me, but you know I'm right."

"You are," you reply, preoccupied with your phone, which has Doyoung's contact information pulled up on your screen.

"Exactly- wait, really?"

"No, I was just trying to shut you up." You laugh as you throw your phone down and rest back on your palms. "We're just friends, nothing more."

"We'll see how long that lasts." Joy counters.

Joy was right, although you can't really recall a time she was ever wrong. Your feelings for Doyoung were growing rapidly by the day, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Everything in L.A was new and different; sometimes, it got overwhelming. But Doyoung made it easier. His presence felt so familiar, almost like you had known him your whole life.

You began to spend more and more time around him, whether meeting him at the student library to study or going out for ice cream. Sometimes, you'd spend hours talking on the beach, and sometimes, you'd just sit in his apartment and watch movies.

Joy noticed that the more you guys hung out, the less you talked about your ex, but she tried not to bring it to your attention. She was too afraid that she might accidentally stir up some hidden emotions.

Unfortunately, you only needed alcohol to bring those emotions out of you.

It's Friday night, and you're sitting drunk in a bar that Joy dragged you to again, crying over the ex you hadn't thought about in over six months.

With your head tucked into the crease of your elbows, you cry, "I miss him." To your best friend, who's trying to say anything and everything she can to take your mind off of Jaehyun.

"Look, girl, they have those burger nachos you like." She points to the menu, but none of it catches your attention.

"What are you doing?" She snaps her head, even though she already knows what you're doing

"I'm gonna call him."

You struggle to enter your password and pull up his contact information, but when you finally do, a hand rests on your shoulder—a hand you're sure doesn't belong to your best friend. When you turn around, you see Doyoung and his ever-so-sweet smile.

"Doyoung?" You call out.

"Let's get you home," he says loud enough for you to hear. You don't fight when he tugs on your arm to get you to stand up, and within seconds, you're being lifted off your feet as he carries you out of the bar and into the car.

You slur, "I can walk," but you don't make any attempt to escape his arms. Instead, wrap your arms around his neck and rest your head against his chest, close enough to hear and feel his heartbeat.

He gently seats you in the passenger seat of his car and reaches over to put your seatbelt on. Suddenly, you're no longer thinking about your ex. The familiar scent of Doyoung's car puts your mind at ease as you curl up in your seat and gaze out of the window. Eventually, you close your eyes when you begin to feel motion sickness.

Doyoung carries you into his apartment when Joy texts him that it's probably best that you stay with him for the night. He asks, "Why?" But she never responds, and he doesn't ask again.

First, he lays you down on his couch. You're just half asleep when he does so. You're barely awake to know that it was Doyoung's arms. You feel managing your body weight and his voice telling you to stay put while he goes to get a washcloth.

When he returns, he gently uses the warm cloth to scrub the makeup off your face and his thumb and index finger to turn your head to ensure he has everything.

"Okay, here, drink this." He almost whispers, sitting you up against the arm of the couch as he puts the bottle of water against your lips. You tilt your head back so the water can easily flow down your throat.

When the water is gone, Doyoung helps you lie back on the couch so he can slip your shoes off and lay the polyester blanket over you.

His eyes trailed over you, and seeing that your feet fell off the couch and your neck was propped on the arm of the sofa, he shook his head.

"This isn't going to work," he says mostly to himself. With that, he lifts you off the couch and carries you to his bedroom, where he lays you in the bed and tucks you under the covers.

"Is this comfortable?" He asks, and you nod with your thumb in the air.

"This is perfect; thank you, Doie."

He smiles at the nickname. "Alright, get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay." You sing and roll over in his bed.

The following day, you wake up to the smell of bacon and other breakfast foods. Turning in the bed, you realize that the room you're in and the bed you're lying in isn’t yours. You jump up with widened eyes, forgetting everything that happened last night.

When you remember who the room belongs to, Doyoung knocks on the door. "Are you awake yet?"

You shuffle more in the bed before you call out, "Yeah." He slowly opened the door. Doyoung was fully dressed, with a brown leather backpack hanging off his shoulder.

"I have to go to work, but there's food on the stove. You're welcome to stay here if you'd like."

"Okay." You nod, and so does he before he turns to close the door behind him. You go to lie back down on the bed when he nearly barges back into the room. "Oh, I left a set of clothes for you if you want to change. Towels are in the bathroom, and there's extra soap in the cabinet. I don't know if there's a specific brand that you prefer."

When he sees you smile, he smiles, "Thank you, Doie." You say.

That's all that needed to be said for Doyoung to nod "Of course" and softly close the door behind him.

You knew Doyoung's apartment like the back of your hand; that's how much time you spent there. His place was clean and beautifully decorated, so it looked bigger than it actually was. However, you liked it because it was cozy and warm. His apartment was much better than the little dorm you shared with Joy.

You tiptoed around his place in the oversized gray t-shirt he left out for you to wear, just searching for something to do. Peaks of sunshine snuck in through the cracks in his curtains as you walked from ‌room to room.

Seeing that there's nothing much to do. You heat up the food he left on the stove for you and sit on his sofa to watch television. Flicking through the channels for a good 20 minutes before you hear the door knob rattle.

"You're still here?" Doyoung speaks first, seeing you get up off the couch to greet him.

"Yeah, I just didn't wanna leave your apartment unlocked." You hesitate.

"I'm glad you're here." Doyoung's eyes trail over your figure. Specifically, the skin of your bare legs. He tried not to be too noticeable, but you caught it. "I brought dinner." He holds the bag up.

An hour passes, and you're still on his living room floor in front of him, talking about anything and everything. One minute, you're laughing about your childhood. The next minute, you're talking about your dream superpowers.

"So what's Connecticut like?" Doyoung asks.

"Umm." You go to push your hair out of your face, but Doyoung reaches to do it before you can. "It's boring. Well, to me, at least." You explain. "It doesn't have palm trees. There are beaches, but they aren't as pretty as the ones here." You conclude with, "I don't know everything is… just different."

"There wasn't anything you liked about it?"

"The food was good, I guess." You tilt your head back and forth. "I spent so much time thinking about getting away that I never really took the time to get to know and love it."

"Maybe we should visit sometime." Doyoung offers. He takes his eyes off of you for just a second, but in that small second, you feel cold and a little pathetic because of how sad you got just because you didn't have all of his attention on you.

You shouldn't feel this way about someone you consider a friend. You shouldn't be looking at him, hoping that he'd kiss you or just touch you or something. Anything other than just looking at you.

You utter, "Yeah, I'll probably like it more if I got to experience it with you." The words escape your lips in a soft murmur, barely audible. You quickly look down. Your eyes dart around, searching for anything to distract you from the moment's awkwardness. You notice a loose thread on your shirt and begin to fiddle with it, trying to calm your nerves. As you stand there in silence, you can't help but wonder if he heard what you said or, worse, if he knows what you're thinking. The tension between you two is palpable, and you feel a knot forming in your stomach.

"Are you okay?" Doyoung asks, dipping his head down to see your face.

You nod, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little hot."

"Why didn't you say so I can turn the air on." He wastes no time getting up and treading to the thermostat. You just sit there, watching the distance between you grow. You roll your eyes and let out a deep sigh.

"I turned it on, but it's going to take a while to kick in," your friend informs you as he claims the spot in front of you. You're still avoiding eye contact, and he notices it almost immediately. "If it's too hot, I can get you some water."

"Doie?" You mutter instead of responding to his previous statement.

He responds, "Yes?" growing concerned at your sudden change of tone.

"Can you kiss me?" The way he looks at you makes your face feel warm; you're nervous, but you can't look away from him.

"Are you sure? I don't wa—" You kiss him before he can finish his sentence. Your lips are on his when you scoot the rest of your body closer to him—close enough to claim your spot on his lap. His hands immediately crawl under your shirt to wrap protectively around your waist, ensuring that you can't go anywhere.

Breathless, you roll over to lay your head on Doyoungs chest. That's when he wraps his arms around you and lets out a slow, exhausted laugh.

"What?" You smile, looking up at him.

"We did this all out of order." You wait for him to continue, "I like you, Y/n, and I want to be your boyfriend more than anything else."

You try to sneak into your dorm early the following day, assuming that Joy would've been in one of her classes or maybe out at her boyfriend's. But she's up, sitting on the edge of her bed with her laptop propped up on her lap.

"Oh… you're still here." You laugh to divert the attention away from you.

"Welcome back." Your best friend says. She doesn't spare you a look until you plop down on your bed. "Why are you so happy?"

"I'm not." You press your lips into a line, trying your best not to smile. Joy stands up and hovers over you to examine you. The first thing she notices is that you're wearing Doyoung's sweatshirt and a pair of his sweatpants, which means that you left your clothes at his place. She then grabs your face and turns your head from side to side.

"You're glowing." She says, almost like a question.

"I used some of Doyoungs skin care."

"Oh please, not even he glows like this." Joy debates, standing up straight to put her hands on her hip."You had sex, didn't you."

"No, of course not. We just sat around. We watched TV and stuff, you know, normal things." You look anywhere but at her as she squints her eyes to you. "We had sex." You murmur sheepishly.

"How was it?" She rushes to sit next to you.

Joy would always say that you and Doyoung were a very cheesy couple. "You guys are worse than me and my boyfriend." She'd say.

Whenever you were around him, you had to touch him. You couldn't help it, and he didn't make it any better. Doyoung had the habit of pulling you into his lap and leaving a trail of kisses on your shoulder, even in public.

If you weren't sitting on his lap, you were wrapped in each other's arms. Holding hands was too casual; you wanted to encase yourself in his skin.

It was another "party" at Kun's. You were seated in Doyoung's lap, and the rest of your friends were sitting in a circle around both of you.

"Okay, your turn." Taeyong turns to Doyoung.

"Y/n?" Doyoung calls, looking down at you. The entire circle lets out a collective groan of annoyance, but he still continues, "Truth or dare?"

You answer, "Dare."

"Just kiss and get it over with." Taeyong grunts, and you obey.

"I think we can skip her turn. She seems occupied." Kun comments. You don't agree or disagree with your lips getting tangled with your boyfriends.

"Alright, that's enough." Joy slaps the side of Doyoungs arm, but it takes for you to pull away for him to stop kissing you.

"Y/n, truth or dare," Yuta speaks up from beside you.

You answer "truth," and he asks, "What do You have Doyoung saved as in your phone."

You hesitated to answer the question, not because you were ashamed but because you were confused. "I have him saved as Kim Doyoung." You say it almost like a question.

"Really?" Doyoung darts down at you.

"Yeah, that's your name, isn't it?" You ask, "What do you have me saved as?"

Doyoung doesn't answer verbally; he only pulls out his phone and opens your contact information so you can see it for yourself. A small awkward smile grows on your face when you read "My Angel," with a picture of you on top and your number below it.

"When did you do that?" is all you can ask. Your friends continue playing the game around you, not caring about the world you and your boyfriend are in.

"As soon as we started dating." He answers, closing his phone and laying it down on the ground next to you.

Following his actions, you pull your phone out and begin typing something. Doyoung is curious to see what you're doing, but he patiently waits for you to reveal it to him on your own.

Soon, you're holding your phone right in front of him. For him to see his own contact pulled up on your screen. His name on top, his number below it, and "My love ❤️." Written right in between it.

"Is that better?" You ask

"Much better." He leans in to kiss you, pulling you closer to him than you already are.

"They're doing it again." Kun mumbles.

"Could you two please get a room?" Taeyong calls out after.

Even though Doyoung made life easier for you, things still got hard. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop the troubles of everyday life.

You had graduated, thankfully. But now you were struggling to find a job. You spent too many days on Joy's couch with your eyes glued to a computer screen, sending emails to various corporations, all of which seemed like they just didn't want to hire you.

With each passing day, you felt yourself getting more and more discouraged. You hadn't even noticed that you were unintentionally blowing your boyfriend off until he brought it to your attention.

The beach was the one place you could go to forget everything. Your mind is completely blank when you sit next to Doyoung in the sand, your head propped up on his arm as you listen to the waves crashing in.

The fact that it was pitch dark just made everything so much better. You wished you could give up everything and just make this your life.

"How have you been?" Doyoung asks randomly. Your heavy eyes force themselves open as you pull yourself off your boyfriend's arm.

A tired, breathless laugh leaves you when you say. "What do you mean?"

"I haven't been able to speak to you in almost a week." He answers, "I just wanna know how you've been."

"It hasn't been a week."

"It's been 9 days," Doyoung responds rather harshly, but you don't pick up on it at first.

"Well, you know I've been busy." You say in defense.

"I don't know that." He says, "You don't tell me anything. You just call me when you wanna hang out or have sex, then you leave me to worry about you for a few days."

"I didn't realize I was doing that, Doyoung. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, angel. Just at least update me sometimes. I still like talking to my girlfriend." Doyoung coos, leaning in to kiss your cheek.

You agree, but it happens again. You go without talking to him for nearly two weeks, only to call one day in the middle of the night.

"Hello?" Doyoung shuffles in his bed to answer your call. You can hear in his voice that he's been sleeping.

"Doyoung…" You whine, "I need you."

"No." He states sternly.

your eyebrows furrow unknowingly when you mumble, "What?" You ask, taken back by his sudden sternness.

"You haven't spoken to me in two weeks. You don't call, text, or tell me anything, Y/n. I'm starting to feel more like a hookup than your boyfriend." He almost yells.

"I told you I was sorry." You reply.

He sighs. "You also told me you wouldn't do it again, but you did. I love you, angel. I love you a lot, but I'm not gonna run back to you whenever you finally decide to call me." He finished.

"I've been busy. What do you want me to do?" You plead

"I'd like for you to text me every once in a while. It's nice to know that you're still thinking about me even when we're not together. Or that you're still thinking about me during the day and not just in the middle of the night when you're needy."

"I don't wanna argue with you." You say after a long period of silence.

"Neither do I." He breaths. The next thing you hear are three beeps telling you that the call has been dropped.

In disbelief, you look at the phone and throw it on the opposite side of the bed. You roll over and try your best to sleep. But that doesn't come as easy tonight, no matter how many times you toss and turn.

Eventually, you reach for your cell to call your boyfriend again, but each time, you get, "You've reached my voicemail. I'm probably busy right now, but I'll call you back when I get the chance."

The following morning, you find yourself back on your best friend's couch, feeling restless and anxious. You try to distract yourself by scrolling through your emails and filling out job applications, but your mind keeps drifting off to Doyoung. You can't help but wonder if he's thinking about you too. You check your phone repeatedly, hoping to see a missed message from him, but every time you look, it's the same - nothing. The silence is deafening, and you can't shake off the feeling of unease that's been gnawing at you since the last time you spoke to him.

You weren't used to this from him. It was very rare for you to open your phone and see that he hadn't tried to call or text you. This only meant that he was really mad, and that made you feel uneasy.

Mindlessly, your thumbs hover over his contact, and you begin to call him.

The phone doesn't even ring once before Doyoung picks it up. "What do you want?" He spits.

You're more excited about the fact that he picked up to even care about the tone of his voice. "I missed you. and I just wanted to talk to you."

"So now you wanna talk?"

"What is your problem?" You mumble.

"I told you what my problem is. I don't like feeling neglected," he answers.

"I'm sorry, okay, I really am. I don't know what more you want from me?"

As you listen intently through the speaker of your phone, you can sense his reluctance. You can almost feel him holding back his true emotions as he takes a deep breath and responds, "There's nothing I want from you, Y/n."

"Then why are you acting like this? I just wanted to talk," you yell, despite his calm demeanor.

"I guess you're just too selfish and self-centered to understand," he insults. There's no point in me even wasting my breath," he says last before you hear that beeping again.

You don't know what irritates you more: the fact that he keeps hanging up before you can get your point across or the annoying beeping sound that comes right after. As if, to rub in the fact that your boyfriend is mad at you and you aren't making anything any better.

Neither.

It's the fact that he called you selfish and self-centered, as well as indirectly telling you that you lacked the brain capacity to even understand why he was mad in the first place.

Angrily, you click on his contact, but once again, you're met with "You've reached my voicemail. I'm probably busy right now, but I'll call you back when I get the chance."

You patiently wait for the beep to come in for your thoughts and insults to spew. Most of it you don't mean. You want to hurt his feelings like he hurt yours.

"You know you aren't such a saint yourself?"

"Selfish and self-centered, Really? Nice way to talk to your girlfriend."

" Fuck you, Doyoung. Fuck you."

"You don't have to talk to me, I know Yuta will."

"Doyoung, please, I'm sorry. I don't mean any of that. I just want you to talk to me."

"Whatever, I didn't really like you like that anyway. I was just bored."

"I've been cheating on you this entire time. I've been cheating on you, and that's why I haven't been texting you. Because I've been too busy having sex with other men."

"There aren't any other men, Doyoung. It's just you. I love you. Please call me."

By the end of the day, you had filled your boyfriend's voicemail until you couldn't send anything else. You went to sleep that night, thinking that he'd be over it by the morning, but the next morning rolled around, and he still wasn't talking to you.

Soon, a week had passed, and still, the same thing.

Things weren't working with Doyoung; your job search was getting nowhere, and you were losing weight from the amount of meals you skipped. Nothing seemed to be on your side.

"I think I'm going to have to stay in Connecticut for a little while." You cry into Joy's lap as she tries to comfort you.

"You know you don't have to do that." Joy stops you.

"I'm trying, but I really can't find a job, and I don't want to stay here and mooch off of you. Plus, I know you want to spend time with your boyfriend. I just don't want to get in your way," you explain.

"Please, y/n, you're not getting in my way, and my boyfriend doesn't mind having you around. If you feel like it's best for you to stay in Connecticut to get back on your feet, I understand that. But you're always, I mean always, welcome here." She smiles, smoothing the hair on your head. "But if you go, you need to fix things with Doyoung. He'd be heartbroken if you just up and left while you two were going through a rough patch."

She was right. She was always right. So that night, you ended up right in front of his apartment door. You didn't bother trying to call. You knew he wouldn't answer. The best approach was to face him in person, and that you did.

You knocked one, two, three times and waited patiently for him to answer, which he did in less than fifteen seconds. Your heart nearly jumps when you see his face, and you can tell that he was just as shocked to see you, too.

Neither of you says anything for a good long while. You're searching for the right words to say, and Doyoung's trying to stop himself from embracing you into a long-awaited kiss.

"Doyoung i-" He fails as soon as he hears your voice. Within seconds pulling you closer to him just to lay his lips on yours. Not caring what it is you have to say.

You end up in the shower together, and he's gazing at you lovingly. You're still just trying to figure out what to say to him.

"Do you really think I'm selfish and self-centered?" you mutter first, warm water spilling over your head when you look up at him.

"Of course not, Angel. I was just mad." He brings his hand up to caress your cheek and the outline of your lips. "I love you. Nothing could ever change that."

"I love you too, Doyoung." You murmur. "I don't like fighting."

"'Me neither." He says, more sincere this time.

"I don't like when you're mad at me." You continue.

"I don't like it either, angel." He whispers, closing in the space between with your hand still wrapped around your cheek. "and really don't like denying you." He says against your lips.

You can only close your eyes and whine, "Doyoung." Before he shushes you, connecting lips and tugging on your hips.

You can tell he loves you by the way he kisses you, the way he touches you, and the way he talks to you. You wish it weren't so evident. You wish he made it a little less obvious. Because then maybe you wouldn't have fallen for him as hard.

The thought of leaving him here in California pains you. Even if it's just for a few months. You don't know if you could bear long distance again, or if you could even look him in the eye when you tell him that you were breaking up with him.

You dry your tears before you leave a faint kiss on his lips. It takes a lot of strength for you to pull away from his sleeping body. You want nothing more than just to lay next to him, to stay there forever and for eternity after. But all good things must come to an end, and your flight was leaving in two hours.

You left with nothing but a note with tear stains that read,

I'm going back to Connecticut. I came over to tell you that, but I couldn't get it out. I hope that you can forgive me for leaving so suddenly, but I'll be back, I promise. For now, I think we should break up. I don't wanna hold you back, and I don't want you sitting around waiting for me. I want you to be happy. Even if it isn't with me.

If in the future we meet again, I hope we can work things out.

I love you, Doyoung. I'll love you forever.

-Y/n

and with that, you were gone.

Now, as you stand in your old room, the brown paper box at your feet, you can't help but feel a strong sense of nostalgia wash over you. You take in every detail: the way the sunlight filters through the window, casting a warm glow on everything in the room; the creaking sound of the wooden floorboards under your feet, each one carrying a memory of its own; and the scent of your old perfume that still lingers in the air, like a faint echo of a bygone era.

This time, as you prepare to leave, it feels different. It feels like you're saying goodbye for good, and the thought of leaving this place forever fills you with a deep sense of loss. When you first arrived in Connecticut, you couldn't wait to leave, but now you find yourself wishing you could stay just a little bit longer so you could relive the memories of your past, which you hold so dear.

However, you know that the real reason you're dreading going back is that you don't want to face your Doyoung. The thought of telling him that you're now in a relationship with the man you used to cry to him about fills you with anxiety. You're unsure of how he'll react, and the mere prospect of facing him makes your heart race with fear.

The more you think about it, the more you realize that things are not looking good for you. You're caught between your love for your new partner and your fear of the unknown.

Suddenly, your mom yells from downstairs, "Y/n, someone is here for you." You don't pay much attention to the hesitation in her voice, too lost in thought. You wish you had because when you reach the bottom of the stairs and look up, Doyoung is standing right across from you with a saddened smile and a black duffle bag. Your heart skips a beat as you see him. You hadn't expected him to be here, but now that he is, you don't know how to react. You mutter, "What are you doing here?" As you wrap your arms around yourself.

He doesn't give you a verbal answer; one second your hear the heaviness of his black bag when he drops it and the next he pulling you into a tight hug.

You immediately melt in his arms. There was no point in trying to build walls around Doyoung. He could always break them down with little to no effort.

"I missed you, Angel." He breathes, separating just enough for him to wrap his hands around each side of your face and bring you into a deep kiss. You kiss him back without much thinking; your body knows who Doyoung is. You can't deny him.

"Joy sent me." He finally answers when he breaks the kiss, but it doesn't take long for him to rush back to your lips.

"Are you still unpacking?" Doyoung asks when you show him your room. He eyes the brown boxes sprawled out around the floor.

"I'm packing up." You answer, "Joy found me a job, so I'm going back to L.A."

You don't have to face him to see him smile. The way his hand tightens around yours tells you all that you need to know. Soon, his other arm snakes around your waist to pull you back towards him. "We talked about visiting Connecticut together," he says next to your ear.

"We didn't know it would be under these circumstances though." You respond. Turning around in his arms.

"We're still here." He smiles. "What do you suggest we do first?"

"I don't know. I guess we can probably find a restaurant. But the food is way better in L.A."

It feels weird seeing Doyoung in your childhood room. It was like seeing two worlds collide, but it was nothing like seeing both of your exes in the same room.

"Baby! dinners ready." You didn't even hear when Jaehyun showed up, and nothing could've prepared you for this moment.

Doyoungs eyes divert from you to the man standing at your doorway, and Jaehyun eyes him back. Neither of them says anything, and thankfully so.

"Umm… Jaehyun, this is Doyoung, and Doyoung, this is Jaehyun." You gesture your arms to introduce them.

"Her ex," they both say at the same time. You glance between them, trying to figure out how to get yourself out of this situation.

"I-" "We're working things out." They interrupt you in sync.

"Huh?" You call out, walking past them. "Yeah, we're coming down now." You respond to nobody. Anything to get out of that stuffy room.

You take a seat at the end of the table, and your mom sits directly across from you while Doyoung and Jaehyun sit across from each other at opposite ends of the table.

They're both eyeing each other but as long as they're not bickering you do nothing to stop it. Although the air is quite thick, and you want nothing more than to just vanish into thin air.

"So, Doyoung, how was your flight?" Your mom asks to break the tension.

Your ex pulls his attention away from the man across from him to say, "It was long."

"Oh you must be so tired." You coo, reaching out to caress his cheek and the skin of small eye bags.

"I'm fine now that I got to see you." He wraps his larger hand over yours.

"I guess we should prepare for our flight," Jaehyun speaks up. He's talking to you, but his eyes are trained to Doyoung.

"You're coming to L.A.?" Doyoung asks, digging his spoon through the food.

"Yeah, I'm moving down there for Y/n," Jaehyun states.

"It's about time." Doyoung laughs mostly to himself.

"What was that?"

"It's about time," Doyoung repeats sternly.

"what's that supposed to mean?" Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows and throws his spoon.

"Nothing, he doesn't mean anything by it. Can we please just sit here and enjoy dinner without the two of you going at each other's necks?" That's all it takes to shut them up. "Thank you." You mutter as you breathe and go back to eating the food your mom worked so hard to cook.

"Drive safe." You stop at the door, and Jaehyun stops shortly after you do.

He turns around to ask, "You're not coming?"

You shake your head, "I don't wanna leave him alone."

Jaehyun purses his lips together, he couldn't lie, your answer disappointed him. But he didn't press, "Okay, I'll call you." He pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight, Jaehyun," you murmur faintly. Watching as he turns to walk to his car. When he pulls off the driveway, you head into the house. Closing and locking the door before you trail upstairs to your bedroom.

You take a deep breath and push your hair back, thinking about how long and eventful your day has been.

Doyoung's seated on the edge of your bed, patiently waiting for you to get back when you walk into your room. Giving him a half smile as you make your way to your bed to sit next to him.

Although Doyoung just tugs on your wrist to pull you right into his lap. You don't fight it, his lap was warm and familiar. The perfect way to end your stressful day.

"How do you feel, Angel?" He asks above your head, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

"Tired." You answer, breathing in the scent of him. The scent of home. You were crazy to ever think that you could live without him. Without this.

"I love you," Doyoung says in the crook of your neck. He starts to leave a trail of kisses from your neck and across your shoulder. His arms are still wrapped right around you. You couldn't leave even if you wanted to.

But both of you know that's not what you want.

"I love you." He shifts to your other shoulder, "So much." You can only moan his name. His touch leaves you speechless as he reaches to pull your shirt over your head.

"You're mine, right?" He whispers against the shell of your ear.

"All yours, Doie." You spur when his hands tread into your underwear.

"I know Angel." His open-mouth kisses subtly turn into soft bites that have you squirming against him. "I'm gonna make sure he knows that. Okay?"

"Yes, Doyoung." you cry.

"You gotta keep it down." He coos. "Can you do that for me, Angel?"

You simply nod and that brings a smile to your ex's face. Warranting him to lay a kiss on the back of your neck while his fingers continue working.

Jaehyun's name is flashing across your screen, but you're too busy to notice anyone calling.

"Goodmorning!" Your best friend chirps the second you answer your phone. "Oh- someone had a wild night." She giggles, referring to the love bruises you have planted on your neck.

"You just wait till I get back." You hiss into the speaker of your phone. Be careful not to wake your boyfriend up.

"You're gonna thank me? Kiss me and hold me and tell me I'm the bestest best friend in the whole wide world?" Joy smiles fondly into the camera.

"You have no idea." You poke your tongue through your cheek. Although you weren't mad at her, you couldn't be even if you wanted to. And you really wanted to.

"Oh please, girl. I saved you, and you know it." She smirks knowingly.

"You might have, but I'm still mad at you." You glare into the camera.

"And you're still really bad at lying. I'll see you when you get here." She grins, ending the call with "I love you. I knew you'd do the right thing."

Just as soon as she hangs up you're getting a text message from Jaehyun.

Jaehyun: I'm outside.

You rush to your window to see that, sure enough, he's standing right next to his parked car. You glance one more time at the man in your bed and remember the marks you have as evidence of last night's events.

"You're early." You say, when you open the door. One hand hanging from the back of your neck.

"You didn't answer my call last night, I couldn't sleep," Jaehyun explains, looking down at you.

"I was so tired, I just fell asleep. I'm sorry." You gulp, knowing that he could see right through you. You tried your best to keep a straight face, but that was the problem. Jaehyun could tell you were hiding something by how still you were.

You don't blink, breathe, or say anything until Jaehyun mutters, "It's okay. Baby. I know how tired you can get."

The nickname causes you to grimace, and he quickly notices it. He noticed everything, the way you avoided eye contact, the way you held your hand over your neck. How clingy you were with him just a few days ago, but distant with him now.

He's lost you, and he knows it. He's just not ready to accept it yet.

"Do you maybe wanna go out and get a bite to eat?" He asks.

"Jaehyun," You trail off, "I'm going back to L.A."

"I know, I've got everything packed. We-" "I'm going back with Doyoung." You blurt out nervously.

Jaehyun doesn't say anything, so you continue. "You knew this only temporarily. I mean, you hate the city; this is your home, and I can't take you away from that." You continue rambling

"But I love you y/n, and I'm willing to make it work to be with you. I really, really don't wanna lose you. Again." He pleads, reaching for your hand.

"You'll find someone else. You'll find someone who loves you and makes you happy. Someone that won't ask you to leave everything behind." You subtly pull your hand away from him.

"What aren't you understanding? I don't want someone else. I was here first, and I think that should count for something." This time, when you don't say anything, he continues, "I thought you said you missed me? Just a few days ago, you asked me to come with you."

"That was a mistake." You finally look at him. "I was sad, and lonely and you were here. I was confused, and I wasn't thinking straight. I said a lot of things I didn't mean."

Each word that left your lips was a blow to his heart; all he could think was, "Mistake?"

"We both know it, Jaehyun. I loved you once, years ago. I don't feel the same way anymore."

He remains silent as he gets closer to you. Your breath gets stifled with each step he takes towards you. Without a word, he pulls your hand from your neck, revealing the bruises lined up along your skin. His stomach churns, seeing marks on you that aren't from him. His heart aches knowing that the person who left those marks is the person you're probably gonna end up with for the rest of your life.

"So you really do love him," Jaehyun utters.

"I do." You're certain this time. "I love him a lot."

"I guess that's all that matters then." Jaehyun's eyes dart from your neck up to your eyes. "I wish you the best of luck."

And with that you never saw him again. You never heard from him or about him. He just disappeared from your life, almost like he's never been there at all.

8 months later.

You prop your chin up on your palm as you review your emails. It's 3:45 a.m.; you should be sleeping. But sleep didn't come easy, and you always found that you were way more productive at night anyway.

You keep your eyes on the screen of your desktop when you hear Doyoung shuffle into the office. You can't see him, but you hear him pull a chair up beside you, and you can feel his gaze on you. After a few seconds, you go to remove the hair from your face, but Doyoung is faster as he pulls the strands behind your ear. Then, without a word, he goes back to watching you work.

"I can't focus if you're watching me," you say, finally, but your attention remains on the computer in front of you.

"I can't sleep if you're not next to me." He softly responds.

Finally, you divert your attention from the desktop to look at your boyfriend. "I'm sorry, it's just hard for me to sleep." you pout.

"It's okay, angel. Just keep working." He rubbed circles into your back while you continued answering the emails you couldn't finish the day before.

Not even five minutes pass, and you feel your eyelids grow heavy. "Fine, you win." You whine just loud enough for him to hear. "I'll come to bed."

You roll the chair around so your whole body is facing him. As soon as the words meet his ears, Doyoung grips the back of your thighs to carry you back to your shared bedroom. You wrap your thighs around his waist, with your arms around his neck.

"Would you like some tea, Angel?" he asks, and you can feel the vibrations through his chest when he does.

"no, thank you."

Doyoung smiles at your use of manners and carefully lays you down on the bed. Laying a kiss or two on your lips when you refuse to unwrap yourself from around him.

Taglist- @bluebeard67 @sofix-hc7 @jenmongiii

[lov3lymoon96]

I liked this so much!! It was soooo GOOD!! 👌🏻👏🏻♥️ super angsty, LOVE it !

[just-a-humble-garbagecan]

REBLOG IF THIS RELATES TO YOU:

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[neocatharsis]

240414 TAEYONG IG Update

[lov3lymoon96]

Mr Lee Taeyong, your Neoness will be very missed and I hope you come back soon! 🥹🥹🥹❤️