much of my work consists of complex psychological concepts and at times, dark topics which include ( but are not limited to ) : depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, sexual assault, poverty, traumatic experiences, etc. i write about these topics, not to make light of them, but to bring comfort inclusivity to those who have gone through similar experiences. this is not a space to judge others for their mental/relational struggles, so please be mindful in the comments. thank you.
˗ˏˋ⋆˚꩜｡ ⁞ . . . blog status ⤑ active, slow updates
tamsy who's absolutely gobsmacked when you wrap your arms around him, pick him up and twirl around like he weighs nothing..
tamsy who questions whether or not he likes it the first time you grab his tie to pull him down into a sloppy kiss when he's getting ready in the afternoon after a high-risk mission..
tamsy who decides he's right where he wants to be when you defeat him during a sparring session, finding that he very much does like the view of you on top of him..
tamsy who's absolutely whipped for you when you drag him any and everywhere by the hand because you know he wont argue against it ..
tamsy who only smiles up at you when your fingers curl around the back of his neck to make your presence known as you enter the conversation while he's in the dining room with everyone (he likes how shameless you are.)..
this shigaraki would spoil you to no end. none of your requests are "absurd" or "useless" to him - if you want it, he makes damn sure you get it. in fact, if you don't start telling him what you want, best believe he's going to dig through his memories for the past requests you made that he couldn't afford to fulfill back then.
of course, you'll have to pay him back somehow.
..what? no, not just with sex, dumbass! sure he likes it, but that's not the only thing he's after, you know? actually, he loves it when you do things for him - like ironing his clothes and brushing his hair just so he looks a bit more presentable. it shows that you care for him and he doesn't want you to stop doing that. he cares for you too, but god forbid he tries to do the same things that you do for him. it always ends with failure and an angry tomura grumbling under his breath while you fix things up. that's why he resorts to simple gift-giving - or as he calls it, just providing.
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ . . . tenko used to brush you off all the time.
"quit worrying, i'm here aren't i?"
"its one in the damn morning... cant you shut your brain off for a second?"
"we don't have to think about that right now."
he'd always brush you off like your worries were futile, like he was invincible, like his goal didn't mean death or a life without you if it failed.
of course, he knew he wasn't.
he wasn't stupid; trying to change a society for the damage done to the outcasts that fall between the cracks was never going to be easy. his goals weren't harmless and as such, he wouldn't be spared from harm either.
it was his reality, his life's work — and you admired him for it.
you simply hated that the man you loved so dearly had gotten caught in the middle of an evil old man's plans that left him without both a body and a life.
without a grave to lie in, without a plot of land you could visit and grieve in.
sometimes those conversations flash in your mind and you hate to think about what his life could have been like had he never met that horrible man that used him for his own ends.
would he have grown up the same? chosen the same path?
your hands grow warm with the coffee cup that sits in between your hands. the coffee was no longer hot but its warmth still lingered in your hands. every day it gets harder to live a life without him.
you wanted him to achieve his goals, to free the society so chained to performative justice. and in a way, he did.
he just wasn't here to see it.
you think maybe that's what hurts you the most, because he of all people deserved a better life. he and every other outcast dubbed a 'villain' by those would could never understand them; they all deserved a better life.
you weren't a fighter by any means, your role in their group was as a healer. you believed in their cause and aided them because of it, even if it meant becoming a fugitive after everything was said and done.
dabi had been arrested, toga was gone along with jin and every other person you called a friend.
tomura was gone too.
a tear slips from your eye and slides down your cheek.
a part of you went with him, you think.
you wipe your eyes and sit up, grabbing the lukewarm cup of coffee and heading out of the quaint coffee shop.
the blue of the sky reminds you of his hair; the clouds remind you of it too, the way his hair was soft when you touched it; when you threaded your fingers through it on the nights you'd warm his bed up.
the sweetness of the coffee reminds you tenfold of his love for sweet things; he'd munch on those mini store bought brownies while gaming. the thought makes you smile but the tears dont stop no matter how much you wipe them.
"even if something happens to me.. i don't want you to suffer for it. so stay out of it."
"dumbass.." you curse affectionately as you walk through an empty alleyway.
even if he was gone now, he lived on in your memory; in the memories of those who knew him, in the caution everyone else bow had upon seeing the result of their ignorance of suffering, in the kindness that was now extended towards those hurt by a society meant to uplift them.
even if he was gone now, he was still your hero.
and no matter how many years passed, he always would be.
.
.
.
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ . . . m.list
note: can you tell i miss him yet? this is what listening to mojo pin does to me
can we stop trying to describe reader. like in general, it makes me so mad when people talk about reader wearing a skirt or having long or straight hair, at least put in in the a/n or warnings
Your chibi story was so cute!!! Especially for Tamsy who’s just a little menace (literally lol), I was wondering what if it was reverse how would the Gachiakuta characters react with a chibi? Or the Chibi getting their own Chibi reader?
Gachiakuta [x Reader]
In which they have a chibi version of you to take care of, on top of their own chibi self.
Reader is ── Gender Neutral | Cleaner/Raider respectively
Story is ── Romantic | Headcanons
Warnings ── Hints of manga spoilers in Tamsy's part
August
✦ ── Oh, he is SO excited about having a little version of his partner. He loves you so much, and now he has another outlet for all that loving!
✦ ── Anytime he makes you an outfit he makes a mini version for chibi s/o! They're just as much of a doll as you are, and sometimes he uses chibi s/o as a model to try ideas he'll later make for you.
✦ ── Built the chibis a little 'apartment' of sorts on his desk where they can hang out, and he can keep an eye on them. They've gotten lost in his mess of a workshop too many times, so this is the safest and cutest bet.
✦ ── Little August overwhelms chibi s/o with attention. They're almost always being bombarded with affection until they're a dizzy, blushing mess.
✦ ── Sometimes chibi August gives August too much inspiration on how to fluster you, and you become the target of his affection as well. Chibi and actual s/o defeated!
"Give them a break, August!" You giggled, pulling chibi August away from chibi s/o. He had put his glasses on them, along with a new outfit, and covered them in kisses.
Now he was just grinning up at you with pink eyes you rarely saw.
"Don't worry little me! I'll distract them !" August chimed in right as you let chibi August go.
"Auggie, no!" You were too late to raise your hands and were tackled to the floor of the workshop. Chibi August used this opportunity to go right back to chibi s/o.
Eishia
✦ ── Oh my goodness, her heart can't take having a little you! They're just so adorable and sweet. Has probably teared up a few times just looking at chibi s/o.
✦ ── Medical equipment is dangerous and sometimes scary, so Eishia prefers chibi s/o and chibi Eishia to stay with you or in her room whenever she's working. Unless you can supervise them in the medical ward.
✦ ── Chibi s/o is spoiled with small kisses to the top of their head and snacks she keeps hidden in her desk drawer just for them.
✦ ── When the two chibis are left alone together, they can usually be found playing small games or working together to tidy up a space.
✦ ── Chibi Eishia scares easily, so chibi s/o is always there to comfort her and try to prove something isn't scary. Eishia is always asking if she's really that anxious, and you comfort her the same way chibi s/o does.
"What do you think they're doing?" Eishia and you were watching the two struggling with a blanket that could easily cover them several times over.
"Folding it?" You shrugged, though Eishia was already moving to take the blanket from them.
She folded it up nicely before putting it back on the desk, lifting both the chibis onto it. They both fell into the cloth immediately, evidently tired from their attempt at helping.
"...I suppose so?"
Enjin
✦ ── He's kind of used to the whole adoptive uncle thing for several kids, but he's never had to care for anything so small and fragile and that he loves so damn dearly.
✦ ── Honestly, he overcompensates in gentleness towards his chibi s/o out of fear of hurting them. Always moving slowly when carrying them, keeping his voice gentle, and talking to them constantly.
✦ ── Smoked near chibi s/o once, and they started choking, so now he literally refuses to smoke in the same building as them. He felt so guilty, still does.
✦ ── Chibi Enjin is still rough with chibi s/o in the same way actual Enjin is with you. It's just tough love, but he can still be caught carrying chibi s/o and holding their hand.
✦ ── Very possessive of chibi s/o. Enjin wants to carry them whenever he can, and chibi Enjin is attached to their damn hip. This forced you to stay with the three of them, too.
"Gotcha!" You proclaimed, camera clicking as you snapped a photo of the chibis holding hands.
Immediately, tiny Enjin let go, giving his best attempt at flipping the camera off.
"Hey, be nice." Enjin poked the little guy, resulting in him falling on his ass. Chibi s/o quickly ran over to help him up, but it was clear his ego had already been deeply bruised.
Follo
✦ ── Don't do this to him, please. He can barely handle how much he loves you, and now he has another? And they're so small and so nice to him, too! No, he isn't crying!!! There's just something in his eye!
✦ ── Literally cradling them in his cupped hands, treating them as if they might fall apart if he so much as breathes too hard on them. This is so much responsibility, and he's freaking out!
✦ ── Other than holding them, the only place he's comfortable keeping them is between his neck and shirt collar, where they can't fall.
✦ ── Chibi Follo is high-key super clingy with chibi s/o. They're always together, holding hands and adventuring together. He is very protective, though, and refuses to get into any trouble.
✦ ── Very common to find the chibis asleep on top of eachother. Chibi Follo is very sleepy and can't rest without his partner, so sometimes it's just him asleep while chibi s/o is awake but clinging to him.
"Awh..." You couldn't help but pout at the sight, while Follo's face was blushing a whole new shade of red.
Chibi s/o stared up at the two of you, half smothered in chibi Follo's arms. He was fast asleep, with no sign of waking up anytime soon.
"I don't do that, do I?" Follo looked at you anxiously, instantly betrayed by the smile on your face.
"Yeah, but I didn't want you to stop, so I never told you."
Gris
✦ ── Chibi s/o is spoiled for care by this man. He knows exactly how to keep them happy, entertained, and all without spoiling them too much.
✦ ── Not even batting an eye, it's as if he knows exactly what they want just by how they look at him. If you pay enough attention, you'll realize he does the same with you.
✦ ── Since he gets along with his mini self, it means the chibis spend a lot of time together with him. In fact, Gris really loves watching them interact when he can't be with you.
✦ ── Chibi Gris likes to act all mature and keep you safe from any hazards. He points at sharp or dangerous things and shakes his head to try and teach chibi s/o what to avoid.
✦ ── The chibis hug a lot. Chibi Gris always has his arm around chibi s/o in some way, keeping them close so Gris doesn't worry about where either of them may have wandered off to.
"Good job keeping them safe, bud." Gris offered a thumbs up to his chibi, who gave one right back.
The chibis were huddled together under a blanket, with chibi s/o comfortably asleep on chibi Gris' lap.
"I'm starting to think you baby me too much. In fact, I'm doing a lot of self-reflection over this." You sighed, to which Gris chuckled.
"Really? And here I thought I wasn't doing enough."
Jabber
✦ ── Are you sure he can be trusted with something so small? No. But Jabber refuses to let you take his little s/o away from him! They're his, and so are you, so hands off!
✦ ── Surprisingly careful with them. Lil Jab may be able to scratch you and get away with it, but one scrape on chibi s/o and they might just die. This means absolutely no Mankira around chibi s/o.
✦ ── Dangled them by their shirt a lot. If they freak out too much out of fear of being dropped, he mockingly babies them with a bunch of kisses and teasing jokes.
✦ ── Lil Jab still refuses to use Mankira on chibi s/o, in the same way he refuses to use it on you. It's cute, considering actual Jabber has poked you before and probably will again.
✦ ── Finding chibi s/o clutching onto chibi Jabber while he's under the effects of his own poison is a common sight. The first few times they panic, but they get used to caring for him after a while.
"I'm pretty sure he's doing it to get doted on, and not just for the high." You were looking over the chibis, yours patting the head of the half-lucid little Jab on your lap.
"Well, duh! I do it for attention too."
Rudo
✦ ── This sweet little thing is more precious than him to 3R, seriously. I mean, so are you, but the cuteness factor of chibi s/o is so high it should be illegal.
✦ ── And Rudo doesn't know how to handle that!!! It took him so long to adjust to chibi s/o because he kept running away a blushing mess.
✦ ── Very delicate with them. They can climb wherever they want on him or in his room. Except maybe the trash pile, because he's worried they may get hurt.
✦ ── Chibi Rudo also cannot cope with chibi s/o and faints the first few times they interact. Chibi s/o takes good care of him, and when he can handle their company, they are inseparable.
✦ ── The chibis usually sit together doing their own thing. Little Rudo is always showing off the things he can do with 3R in hopes of impressing chibi s/o.
"Oh my gosh, Rudo, look!" The two of you were chatting away when you spotted something on his desk.
Chibi Rudo was offering chibi s/o some flowers made out of metal scraps.
"I—uh, yeah, that's super cute." The tips of his ears were turning pink, still hiding a similar bouquet he had made for you behind his back.
Seeing chibi s/o graciously accept the gift with a kiss to chibi Rudo's cheek gave him all the confirmation he needed to know you'd like his gift, too.
Tamsy
✦ ── Having a portable s/o is such a delight. He finds them simply adorable, and makes every attempt to tease the two of you when he can. Especially on habits you and chibi you share.
✦ ── Tamsy doesn't feel the need to carry them with him, because he's often on missions in dangerous places. That being said, when he does carry them it's usually in his hand hidden under his sleeves.
✦ ── Really, though, he prefers when chibi s/o and chibi Tamsy are together. It's pretty much just him anyhow, and he has actual you to take care of as is.
✦ ── Chibi Tamsy is damn possessive and a tad mean about it. To the point where he sometimes ties one of his wrists to theirs with his thread so they can't wander away.
✦ ── They're still cute, though. Chibi Tamsy nods off a lot when chibi s/o plays with his hair, which they can do a lot more than you since chibi Tamsy always has his hair down.
"He's doing it again..." You and Tamsy had just returned to his room from the HQ library, catching chibi Tamsy right in the act.
Chibi s/o was trapped in a web of blue thread, wiggling in an attempt to free themselves.
Little Tamsy was standing in front of them, patting their head and shaking his head to get them to give up on escape.
"They're only playing." Tamsy dismissed it, earning a scoff.
"You wouldn't do that to me!"
"Wouldn't I?"
Zanka
✦ ── He keeps chibi s/o with him whenever possible. Partially to protect and partially for his own comfort (though he would NEVER admit to that, not even to himself).
✦ ── Melts pretty quickly when it comes to chibi s/o. If they ask for anything or tug on his sleeve, they have whatever it is they want and his attention a few moments later.
✦ ── Gets really proud whenever chibi s/o show shim affection or completes a task they were struggling to do. Hell yeah, you and mini you are both strong, capable, and his loving partner.
✦ ── Chibi Zanka likes training in front of chibi s/o to show off his moves. When they spar and s/o gets upset over not winning too many times in a row, he fakes a loss.
✦ ── Uses his mini Assistaff to trap chibi s/o when they try to get away from him or when Zanka tries to take them away. Fights with his whole soul to stay with them.
"Oh my, don't be rough Zanka." You scolded the small verison of your partner, who was patting the head of a trapped chibi s/o.
Begrudgingly he released them, hugging them to show he was behaving well. Chibi s/o seemed to forgive him immediately with a hug.
"Huh. Maybe I should start doing that to you." Zanka spun his Assistaff, casting you a cocky look.
"Do not!"
Zodyl
✦ ── Is it worrying giving the man who eats anything a bite-sized version of you? Yes, of course. But the good thing is chibi Zodyl is in more danger of being eaten than chibi s/o...
✦ ── He wouldn't, but he might pretend to if either of them acts up. It's probably one of the few jokes he'll actually chuckle at, even if it's his own.
✦ ── Observing is one of his favourite things to do. That's why he seems to enjoy watching chibi s/o do their little tasks or rest on him. Chibi Zodyl does the same thing, just watches.
✦ ── Chibi Zodyl is still a gentleman, though. He comforts chibi s/o if they ever get hurt or scared and walks with them whenever they start to wander too far.
✦ ── Sometimes you can catch them holding hands, which usually ends in Zodyl intertwining his fingers with yours. He wants to prove he can be affectionate, too.
You were watching longingly as the chibis, yours tugging chibi Zodyl along by the hand to explore more of the room full of things left behind by previous owners.
"What troubles you?" Your partner spoke up from next to you, also watching the chibis. They were rather entertaining.
Your lips pressed together, contemplating what to say.
You didn't need to explain yourself; he'd gotten an inkling after observing you for long enough. A moment later, your hand was pulled into his.
"Better?"
"Better."
Author's Note ── I love writing for the chibi stuff, hells yeah! You only specified Tamsy so I just,,, did the same ten characters as last time!
Hiii hiii this is riechiexx again, I'm sorry but I just need to ask everyone a favor to please report this c ai bot for it to be taken down :') as you can tell this zanka fic of mine, titled: When did you get so hot? Got plagiarized—copy pasted and used as a chat introduction for a character ai bot.
It would be very helpful if you'd report the creator as well ! As I believe that they also do this to other authors, that's all, thank you so much !!! :D
After a quick shower in the bathroom adjacent to his room, he tightens his tie around the collar of his work shirt, his hair already done and his jacket waiting in the confines of his closet waiting for him to fill it. It's all so painfully mundane and it makes him feel like he's missing something.
The images of you in his head become more annoying by the second.
He thinks of you getting ready by his mirror where he could — no, would — steal glances of your unguarded self. He would plant chaste kisses against the side of your neck while his hands slither around your upper abdomen, squeezing you tightly against his body. He'd inhale the scent of his detergent on your clothes, letting you invade the confines of his heart like a grandfather clock you enjoy taking apart just to put it back together again.
Would your delicate hands tie his tie for him if you stuck around beyond the dark hours of the night?
He laughs.
Of course you wouldn't. You're not a damsel waiting for him to save you.
You're a bird in a cage of your own making.
The only reason it nags at him so relentlessly is because he'd be yours if you'd just let him.
.
.
.
note: it was supposed to be a drabble but im almost 1k words deep so perhaps not </3
tags *ೃ༄ some angst, reader has commitment issues, reader n' tamsy are friends with benefits, casual sex implied nothing is explicit, tamsy being tamsy, he's lowk sweet in this one, reader is implied to be shorter than him
summary *ೃ༄ trusting someone has never really been easy for you.
note *ೃ༄ this fic was borne out of my experience with being chronically single, enjoy the result of my suffering <3 !
masterlist *ೃ༄
Slim rays of light shone through the window of Tamsy's room, signaling the day was moments from starting. He thought he would have found you by his side, tucked into his arm and sleeping soundly after how much he clearly had tired you out the night before. Unfortunately, you were committed to being a nuisance. The spot beside him was cold with nothing but his blanket that had been shoved aside leaving evidence that you had been in his room at all. Your clothes had disappeared and your scent along with it.
Funnily enough, it irritated him. How easy you found it to leave him by his lonesome in the same bed he loved you last night in.
A forlorn sigh leaves his mouth at the thought of it. He gets up, his loose hair forming a sort of veil around his face as he walks over to the radio. Death metal blasts through the speakers as he continues on getting ready for the day, his head bobbing back and forth in tandem with the music.
After a quick shower in the bathroom adjacent to his room, he tightens his tie around the collar of his work shirt, his hair already done and his jacket waiting in the confines of his closet waiting for him to fill it. It's all so painfully mundane and it makes him feel like he's missing something.
The images of you in his head become more annoying by the second.
He thinks of you getting ready by his mirror where he could — no, would — steal glances of your unguarded self. He would plant chaste kisses against the side of your neck while his hands slither around your upper abdomen, squeezing you tightly against his body. He'd inhale the scent of his detergent on your clothes, letting you invade the confines of his heart like a grandfather clock you enjoy taking apart just to put it back together again.
Would your delicate hands tie his tie for him if you stuck around beyond the dark hours of the night?
He laughs. Of course you wouldn't. You're not a damsel waiting for him to save you.
You're a bird in a cage of your own making.
The only reason it nags at him so relentlessly is because he'd be yours if you'd just let him.
He turns the dial on the radio to shut it off once he's done getting dressed for the day. Fortunately for him, today was going to be a fairly easy one. Team Eager was dispatched for a routine cleanup at the outskirts of a town where trash beasts were apparently popping up more frequently. It wasn't too hard of a job, he could probably be done with it in an hour if luck was on his side today.
He walked down the hall and into the kitchen hoping to grab a quick bite or maybe have himself some coffee. To his partial dismay, the chime of your laughter beckoned his sight once he had entered the dining area. There was a smile plastered up on your face and with it, an inkling of jealousy made a home in his gut once more.
Tamsy saunters over to the kitchen area to make himself a cup of coffee. It wasn't as good as what he was used to on the Sphere, but it would do. Out of his peripheral vision, he noticed you walking up to the fridge beside him as he scooped up a spoonful of coffee grains. You grabbed a chilled brownie from the fridge — Did the Vianders bring in a fresh supply of sweet treats?
"Good morning," he greets, seeing as you weren't going to acknowledge him unless he spoke up.
"Morning Tamsy," You bite off the corner piece of the brownie in your hand while you lean against the counter. "Gris was just telling me about how last week, Enjin got shitfaced while bar hopping and almost got into a fight with the bouncer at one of them-" You giggle at the memory, covering your smile with the back of your hand. "-I swear I was this close to dying from laughter, he was so embarrassed."
"Was he?"
You scoff and bite into the brownie again, "Prolly not, you know him."
"Indeed, that does sound like him." He lifts up his sleeves to wash the spoon he used, "Do you mind handing me the cream?"
You hum and open the fridge once more, taking the coffee cream out of the fridge and opening it to pour it. He smiles, drying his hands and content that you knew just how much cream he liked in his coffee. You didn't do this for anyone else, it made him feel a little special and perhaps a little bit disgusted that this simple act of yours had him feeling so mushy inside.
You put it back into the fridge shortly after, resuming your prior position at the counter beside him. "You have work today?"
"Just a routine clean up at a nearby city, I should be back before sundown. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," you say as you finish your brownie, "I was wondering if I could see you tonight?"
He smirks, "My, do you miss me that much already?"
You shift uncomfortably and an awkward smile finds your lips. Seeing your uneasiness made him feel a little nervous. "Ah.. Something like that."
"Mm. Is it important?"
"Not really, I just want to talk."
"Alright then."
You make yourself scarce from the kitchen quicker than he would have liked, but he doesn't make an effort to make you stay. He watches as you rejoin Gris and Enjin and as much as he would have liked to stake his claim at your side, he simply finishes his coffee and makes his way to the garage to wait for Delmon.
If he looks at you any longer he's sure to abandon his principles for you — the thought alone is dangerous.
You glance at him as he leaves and you can feel that familiar tug at your heart upon watching him disappear behind the doors of the lounge. It was the same feeling that lingered whenever you left his room in the early hours of the morning, the same one that was present whenever he kissed your lips during your moments of intimacy in his bedroom.
The same one you needed to get rid of.
"_______, you okay? You got that sad look on your face again."
You flick a card at Enjin, "It's my resting face you idiot."
"Uh-huh," He snickers, "Whatever you say, sweets."
You roll your eyes and continue playing with them for a while until the lounge gets busy. You weren't a big fan of crowds so once it started getting loud and filled with people, you made your departure into your room.
Before you knew it, night had arrived and you found yourself at the rooftop of the headquarters. Somehow, you'd slept the afternoon away and when you woke up, there was yet another celebration going down in the lounge. With nothing but a few cans of beer at your side, you dangled your legs off of the edge of the building without much care as you drank the night away.
When you heard the door to the rooftop open, you knew who it was.
"So this is where you are."
A smile finds your lips and you raise your can of beer, signifying that you had heard him before raising it to your mouth and finishing your fourth one tonight. The liquid was bitter but it was what you needed for a night like this.
"Thought you said you were gonna be back by sundown." You place the empty can beside you and reach for another. You weren't drunk, but you were buzzed and loose for sure.
He sits beside you with a small gap in between you. "Mission took longer than I thought it would."
You hum in acknowledgement and open another can of beer.
"Haven't you had enough of that tonight?" he glances at you, watching you drink like its second nature.
"Mm.. not nearly enough if you ask me," You snicker.
He stays silent for a while simply looking at you, until he eventually stopped beating around the bush and broke the silence. "Why did you ask to see me tonight?"
Your hand holding your beer stops midway and drops into your lap. "I was thinking about, y'know, what to say to you, but I still haven't come up with anything — so I guess I'll just come out n' say it."
He feels his skin become warm, and shivers run amok all over him as he waits for your next words.
"We have to stop."
His slight smile drops. "..Stop what?"
"This," you gesture towards yourself and him. "Whatever we have going on.. it has to stop."
".. Is that so?" He rips his gaze away from you and looks out towards the vast landscape. This isn't at all what he had expected from you. Well, it was a possibility — he just didn't think you would actually go this far.
"Yeah," You chug the rest of the beer and lean against his shoulder. "I can't really afford all that love stuff, n' I don't wanna lead you on or nothin'.."
"My, how careful of you."
"..I like you too much," you mumble against the fabric of his sleeve, "Can't have that. No sir-ee.." You laugh to yourself but it doesn't sound as joyous as it normally does.
"And why would that be? Do tell, I'm quite curious."
"'Cause it never turns out well, like.. ever," you huff, "That, and caring about someone else is just.. tiring."
His allows himself to lay his head atop yours. Objectively, you were right, it was a hassle to care about others. He experienced such a feat firsthand with you and he's sure that you knew it by now. Yet, still he asks:"Is it?"
"Mhm," you play with his fingers while you speak; it's probably the alcohol that's got you feeling all mushy and vulnerable. He can't say he hates it though. "I hate caring about where you're at, or what you're doing when you're not with me.. hate getting jealous too — it's all so irritatingly stupid."
He smirks, "You get jealous?"
"Of course I do, I'm human." You deadpan.
He smiles a places a kiss atop your forehead before leaning back to look at you. "..And what if I said I didn't want to stop this, hm?"
"…" You look ahead, "..We agreed no strings, so me liking you kind of violates that, doesn't it?"
"It's nobody's business but our own, so what's stopping us from changing that?"
"Me."
Your eyes meet his own for the first time this night. He swears he can see the uncertainty bubbling within you. You're trying so hard not to give into your inner desires and unfortunately for you, he's willing to push you to the edge to force you to confront them.
"You're making it much more difficult than it has to be, Dear."
"I don't want a relationship — I wasn't looking for that when we started this."
"And yet your heart still yearns for me, does it not?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I want a relationship with you," you look away from him with a disheartened expression, "I'm just not built for that. You know this."
He reaches out to lace his fingers against your own, causing you to look back at him. "I'm offering myself to you," he tells you, "All you've got to do is accept."
Your hand squeezes his lightly and before you know it, your vision is blurry and your fingers tremble. "Doing that means trusting you with everything I am, I don't- I don't know if that's the right thing for me."
"Baby steps," his voice is soft and inviting, it makes you want to cry. "We can move at your own pace."
He reaches out to wipe your tears, but it simply makes you cry more.
"Tamsy.. I.."
"Shh.." He coos, bringing you into a hug.
His embrace has always made you feel so safe; As if everything else in the world didn't matter when he would wrap his arms around you. His body was warm against yours and his scent just as comforting as always. It was strange — despite how much more intimately you'd known him — this was different.
Trusting him with your heart was different.
"Confide in me, that's all you have to do."
"You make it sound so easy.."
"Because it is," He whispers, "You don't need to worry about what could go wrong when you're with me. I've shown you that, haven't I?"
And he has.
He's always been reliable and has never once done anything you didn't like him to. He respected your boundaries and held himself to the highest standard. He could be the perfect partner, if you'd just let him.
A soft sigh escapes you and you nod meekly, unable to find the words to express just how terrified you are of giving your heart away to someone else — of freeing yourself from the cage you've known for as long as you could remember. It had been your home for so long that you forgot just how refreshing the environment outside of it felt — you forgot just how much you craved to be held.
How much you craved to be weak in the arms of someone capable of handling that side of you.
And in your moment of vulnerability, you let your heart fly into the arms of the man you've chosen to trust, not realizing that it was another cage — it was simply more spacious than your previous one.
Because once he had you, there was no way he was going to let you leave.
After a quick shower in the bathroom adjacent to his room, he tightens his tie around the collar of his work shirt, his hair already done and his jacket waiting in the confines of his closet waiting for him to fill it. It's all so painfully mundane and it makes him feel like he's missing something.
The images of you in his head become more annoying by the second.
He thinks of you getting ready by his mirror where he could — no, would — steal glances of your unguarded self. He would plant chaste kisses against the side of your neck while his hands slither around your upper abdomen, squeezing you tightly against his body. He'd inhale the scent of his detergent on your clothes, letting you invade the confines of his heart like a grandfather clock you enjoy taking apart just to put it back together again.
Would your delicate hands tie his tie for him if you stuck around beyond the dark hours of the night?
He laughs.
Of course you wouldn't. You're not a damsel waiting for him to save you.
You're a bird in a cage of your own making.
The only reason it nags at him so relentlessly is because he'd be yours if you'd just let him.
.
.
.
note: it was supposed to be a drabble but im almost 1k words deep so perhaps not </3
⤷ Tamsy x gn!reader, toxic relationship, tamsy being toxic, not proof read
❤︎ Tamsy wasn't the most warm lover. Not by a long shot.
In public or around other cleaners he treats you with a polite, clinical distance. The physical affection was non existent, with the exception of the few times his delicate hands would cusp your lower back and guide you to through the doorway or maybe he'll take your hand through a particularly suffocating crowd. But again, those were few and far in-between.
And sure you knew what you were getting into with Tamsy but, you couldn't lie and say it didn't claw at you a little. So when Riyo showed you a trend that seemed like a sure fire-way to get his attention….well.
"You're such an asshole! you don't care about me, you never did! I could go get killed by a trash beast right now, right in front of you and you wouldn't bat an eye would you?!"
you spat, all the vitriol that you could muster spilling out into that one little line.
okay. starting an argument with your boyfriend for the sake of a prank? Not the best, healthiest thing to do. However, you and Tamsy were far from healthy so you couldn't quite say it didn't suit you both.
You stood over him, arms crossed with your all face screwed up. riled up over an argument that neither of you could remember. However what was Even more frustrating was tamsy's stupid face as he sat there on the couch. His head cocked to the side, making his icy blonde strands falling over his bemused expression as you tried (and seemingly failed) to get a rise out of him.
"Don't be like that angel." Tamsy cooed. His voice disarmingly soft, landing on your ears like soft silk.
Your mouth thinned out and stretched into a frown. "Like what?"
"Melodramatic." Tamsy hummed, devoid concern. "You know how I feel-"
You sharply interrupted. "I don't know how you feel! ever! that's the problem!" the blonde's eyebrows to shot up at your voice, the anger that had risen from your depths and as a by product, the corner of his mouth twitched in mild amusement.
Your eyebrows furrowed in the way the always did whenever you got pissy with him, You turn on your heel, facing away from him. Your eyes quickly dart around the small, sterile room. zipping around for a few seconds before landing on your keys, discarded and forgotten about on the coffee table. You trot over and snatch them up so fast their metallic bodies echo off the walls. and just as quickly start towards the door.
You look over to tamsy, who is as ever composed and unbothered with your little game, just sitting there, eyeing you while sipping on a cup of earl grey.
"we're done! And if I ever come crawling back, put me down because I must not be right in the head!"
Yeah…after that scene you really do have to commit. Hard.
𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩
Tamsy for the first two-three days is normal. Annoyingly so.
The morning after you catch him in the mess hall, slumped on a little wood stool, legs crossed. When you pass by he smiles and nods like everything's fine. Not the smallest hint of distress in his porcillen features. As if it would all blow over and you'd be all on him again. Even when you speed past him without a word his face doesn't falter!
The most you get out of him is soft sigh before he goes back to satisfying his stomach. Which, naturally, pisses you off more.
after those initial days though? His demeanor switches.
Not drastically. Maybe he'll stand a little closer to you than normal, Never touching you but getting close enough. Never standing next to you but always a few feet behind you. His eyes trained on the back of your skull when you weren't looking and when you spoke his eye's would linger on you a little longer than necessary.
And if you ever caught him (which you did, more than you'd like. It's stupid the way something so simple could make your stomach flip with delight) he'd soften his gaze into something kinder as a thin lipped smile stretched across the lower plane of his face.
Hell towards the latter half His usual morning nods and smiles would become verbal 'good morning's.
But when you still don't come around? that's when thing's get a little more intense. Or maybe strange is more accurate.
Tamsy goes from eyeing you ever so often to practically looming over your shoulder. Even if you can't visibly see him you can feel his natural dull stare locked onto you. Which somehow only gets creepier when you can see him.
'You just need a push' he tells himself. One little push and you'd be right back where you belonged.
When you're lagging behind in a crowd he takes the opportunity to slither behind you, Letting his slender finger tips guide to junction between the base of your neck and your shoulder and then pulling you back against his chest.
"Angel," he began, practiced sweetness dripping from his voice like honey into the shell of your ear. "You've been avoiding me. Why is that?"
You shiver at the rough, pointed edges of his words, The undercurrent of irration Tamsy was unable to hide.
Your lips purse together, ignoring the flutter in your chest.
"You know why." You hissed, tearing yourself away from him.
Tamsy blinked a few times as he tilted his head dumbly. "Hm? is that right?"
"yeah. And you're not sorry one bit are you?" You gritted out.
"Sorry? What do I have to be sorry about? you're the one who got all worked up over nothing." He hummed.
God did he know how to press every little button.
Your mouth twitched and tugged into a scowl. "Of course you would think that….Y'know I deserve better than this. I deserve someone who actually gives a shit."
"Really? and who would that be?"
"Clearly not you. You haven't done anything for me despite be a complete and utter asshole!"
Tamsy takes a few steps forward, rounding around till your face to face. "And just when I thought you couldn't get more embarrassing." he sighed.
"All you do is whine and complain about me, have you forgotten that I'm the one who saved you. Have you even considered where'd you be without me?"
Your eyes widened at his words. A sense of dread filling you the more he spoke.
"You're real lucky, considering everything." He continued. "If I was a much cruler man, I'd probably left you by now."
A sadistic smile crossed his features as you stood there stunned. "But…If you really think I'm that awful. Go ahead. Find someone else."
When he leaves you with those few words, your game is practically over. After a day, maybe two, you're right back in his doorway. Your eyes heavy and dark with irritation.
Tamsy's waiting for you on his bed. Brushing through his dual toned locks, in the mirror.
You stumble froward a couple feet before collapsing onto his lap. Your arms slide to his waist, pulling him in to your body heat and burying your face into his stomach.
Another snide remark rests at the tip of his tongue, eager to be let out and dig deeper into an open wound; but it comes to a halt at the sudden wetness on his skin. Your tears.
"I'm…I'm sorry." You choked out weakly, Your voice nearly a whimper.
Slowly, a hint of a smile took the place of Tamsy's harsh words.
"Sorry? Sorry for what angel?"
"sniff– I'm sorry for—"
Tamsy quickly interrupts you with the chastising click of your tongue. "ah— c'mon darling, a good angel knows how to repent properly. Look at me. You're a good angel aren't you?" he cooed mockingly.
His index and his thumb slipped to your chin, forcing your attention up to his eyes of pale gold.
His smile widened as he saw your bleary, wet eyes, staring up at him.
"I'm sorry for messing with you..I was just joking. Didn't mean 'nothing by it…." You muttered pathetically.
His hand reached up to the back of your head, scratching your scalp as you spoke.
"Mm…I suppose you're forgiven. But you understand now right? I didn't mean to get so blunt with you but it really is the truth, I mean look at you now."
Tamsy flipped the mirror in his hand, shoving it right in your face so you can admire your burning tear streaked face.
"Who else could deal with this? No one."
the mirror drops to the ground with a light thud. With Tamsy's now freed hands, he grabs you by the waist and tugs you onto his lap. Your back pressed flush against his chest, as his other hand tilts your head towards himself, leaving you stunned.
Tamsy leans in, and for the first time in what feels like forever, presses his lips to yours. It lingers for a bid. Letting his venom infect you, dragging you back into web.
Tamsy, per usual, is the first to pull away. Moving downwards to place a peck onto your throbbing pulse before finally resting on your shoulder.
"That's why I was so upset when you tried out your prank. If I didn't care then why would I put up with you?"
"I dunno…I was being stupid I guess." You murmured.
Tamsy chuckled. Carefully, he lifted his finger and jammed his index to your temple.
"uh-huh. Silly little angel. What would you do without me?"
gender-neutral reader. no use of y/n. subtle tamsy warning, he's weird but it's not too crazy. morning cuddles. established relationship/situationship. wc1k
[here on ao3]
Tamsy’s room is sparse. He doesn’t over decorate. He has his shelf, his bedside table and jinki, and a painting on the wall that came with the room, along with the standard issue dresser. His bed is comfortable though, that’s the part that you’re most familiar with. It’s one of the safest places you know.
You press your nose to the space between Tamsy’s shoulder blades. He had turned away from you at some point in the night. It’s a little unusual for him, he often holds you close during the night, so close that it feels like you’re being suffocated.
Now that you are awake, you want that closeness back in a smaller dose. It is too early for talking, however. Tamsy has not stirred yet, and you aren’t inclined to start the day if it means getting out of bed. He isn’t quite a morning person unless he has to be. You share the same sentiment.
Tamsy’s shirt is warm where it brushes against your nose. You inhale slowly, breathing him all the way in. He smells like fresh laundry and something you can’t place. Smoke? You don’t think he smokes, you haven’t seen him smoking anyway, but he spends enough time with Enjin that the constant smell that clings to the other man might have jumped ship onto Tamsy.
His hair is loose and pools next to him on the pillow. If you’re not careful, you’ll get the long strands in your mouth. It happens more often than you would like to admit.
You close your heavy eyelids again, having only stirred to locate Tamsy. Now that you have him, you don’t want to continue to stay awake. You listen to the sound of his slow breathing and try and match your own to his. You like to feel synced up with him.
Just as you’re beginning to drift back off into the hazy half-asleep state that you crave, Tamsy stirs. You hear him exhale fondly, and then he’s turning over to face you. You make a disgruntled noise at the movement. You were comfortable.
Tamsy ignores you. He doesn’t even open his eyes as he shifts to slot you tight against his chest, his arm coming up to wrap around your waist. He pulls you impossibly close to him. Like this, you can hear his heart beating as evenly as his breath. His hair tickles your chin and cheeks.
“Tamsy…” you mumble, voice heavy with sleep, “your hair.”
“Hm?” Tamsy doesn’t budge. He does this all the time. He acts like he’s acknowledging you, and you know he’s only half listening. Humoring you, in a way. He knows you know, and knows you know that he knows. Really, it’s a pointless cycle and complaining doesn’t get you very far with him. That doesn’t mean you’ll stop.
You shake your head slightly, dislodging the pale strands from where they lay over your face. You only half succeed. Your hands are trapped against Tamsy where he all but has you pinned to him. Pulling on them proves futile.
You huff quietly and turn your face into the pillow. You can feel the last strands finally slide away from you.
“Do quit moving,” Tamsy says. His voice floats through the room with the musical lilt he has.
“Your hair is in my face,” you tell him. You’re still mumbling. If you speak any louder, you’re afraid you will break the cozy atmosphere and the day will have to start. The curtains keep some of the light out, but you can feel the bright warm streaks that slip through the window as they stream over your arms. The golden light bleeds out over the blankets.
“Is it?” Tamsy asks. He sounds sleepy himself, voice light and aimless. You know he isn’t going to move to help you get his hair off of you because that would mean he has to let go of you. For some reason, he can’t bear the idea of not practically holding you like a teddy bear while he sleeps.
You wish he would sleep with his hair up. A braid or two would be wonderful! He would look cute and you could sleep in peace. The one time you brought the idea up to Tamsy before bed, you woke up suffocating in his hair.
You had woken up in a panic, hair in your mouth and covering your nose, the strands wrapping around you like a dozen snakes. Tamsy had woken up to your distress, caught in his arms and unable to help yourself. He had helped you untangle yourself from him, but you couldn't shake the feeling that he was enjoying watching you as he patiently stroked your hair to put you back to sleep.
You hadn’t suggested tying his hair up again. You don’t think he did that on purpose, why would Tamsy intentionally upset you, but you don’t want to jinx it by trying again.
Right now, Tamsy hums when you nod to confirm that yes, his hair is in your face yet again. He doesn’t say anything more as he lifts his arm off of you. Your brows raise in surprise. You hadn’t expected him to let go of you even for a moment.
Tamsy’s fingers brush over your jaw, pulling his hair off of you. He lifts his head to tuck the strands behind him before he goes right back to holding you close. His arm curls around your waist, hand splaying possessively against you. His palm is hot through your shirt.
He tucks his head down to press your faces closer together. You feel his nose press to your cheek. You keep your eyes closed. Tamsy doesn’t seem inclined to start the day either, so you’re perfectly happy to continue to waste the morning in bed with him.
In this position, you can hear the way his heart beats close to your ear. The steady rhythm is your lullaby. You curl your fingers against his shirt, some of the only movement you have room to do, and start to drift back to sleep.
You can feel the ghost of Tamsy’s smile where he presses against your cheek.
ᵎ!ᵎ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ . . . tamsy likes candles. well, he likes the way the wax melts.
there's a cool breeze that remains as a constant in the rooms within cleaner hq, mainly due to the lack of insulation.
it sweeps over your skin and caresses your exposed skin, causing you to shiver, your thighs closing to conserve body heat as you lay on tamsy's sheets blindfolded. you can feel his warm fingers tying an expert knot, binding your wrists together to the head of his bed's frame above you. the blue ribbon tightens comfortably and just before he can admire his delicate work of ribbon that decorates your wrists, he slides two fingers in between your skin and the ribbon to assure himself it isn't too tight on you.
it had been your idea to try this out, and given that he could never really deny you anything, he was willing to fulfill your fantasy like the doting boyfriend he was.
a calm smile is present on your lips when you feel the back of his fingers glide over the expanse of your soft stomach, his soft knuckles leaving goosebumps in their warm wake. you breathe softly and he watches your chest rise and fall in a relaxed manner as his knuckles trail to your plush thighs. he admires the blue satin that wraps around them, your skin spilling from the edges of ribbon despite him being careful not to tie it too tightly. your body before him is a work of blue ribbons and bows that he lovingly tied around your skin, it brings a warmth in his chest that he only ever feels so deeply when he's with you.
the tips of his fingers leave your skin to reach for one of the body-safe, scented candles you had taken the liberty of purchasing last week. he smiles upon remembering how nervous you were when you asked him if he would be willing to do this for you.
"its a floral scent.." he chimes as he grabs the lighter off of the table at the side of his bed.
"mhm," your foot nudges your ankle, feeling the ribbon that decorates your skin. "there were unscented ones too, but i liked those more."
"it's pleasant."
you hear the sound of the lighter flicking on and you bring your thighs together in anticipation.
"if it gets to be too hot for you, let me know, alright dear?"
"of course," you nod, letting him sit in between your parted thighs as he lets the wax drip off and onto the skin of your upper abdomen.
the warmth of each drop of wax contrasted with the coolness of the room and your back lifts slightly from the sheets as he marks your body in the scented, purple liquid wax. he hears you sigh softly when draws the flame of the candle near your skin, watching your reaction intently as he lets the warm wax decorate the skin untouched by his blue ribbon.
his free hand massages the wax onto your skin before it melts, resulting in the wax smudging over your soft stomach. if you could see yourself now, you'd be the human equivalent of the painted walls of canvas town. you were a work of art in its most purest form; from the stretch marks that embellished your hips and your breasts to the blue ribbon he liked to wrap you in, and now even more so with the purple wax that accompanied the blue satin surrounding your skin.
there were no words spoken, there usually ever were.
not because neither of you wanted to speak, but because this act in and of itself was conversation alone.
its not long before the skinny candle is reduced to nothing but liquid.
"they burn much too quickly.." he murmurs reaching for another one to light it.
".. i figured they would," you speak softly, "that's why i bought a lot of them. i wasn't sure when i'd come across them again, especially with how scarce flowers are around here.."
he thinks that perhaps you'd take a liking to the candles on the sphere, but he keeps his lips sealed. you don't know anything about that, and frankly you don't need to.
not now at least.
he hums and trails the second candle over the valley in between your breasts. your breath hitches upon the warm liquid that veers over your skin and around the undersides of your breasts. a quiet moan leaves your lips upon feeling the wax drip atop one of your nipples, his thumb massaging it into your skin afterwards. it was intimate and to allow him to do this for you was an act of trust.
it wasn't inherently sexual in the same way that letting him tie knots around your skin was devoid of sexual intent. however, teetering on the edge of what was sexual and what wasn't became an art that the two of you were quite the experts on.
you were in for an eventful night, but you didn't mind it.
after all, he would never leave you unsatisfied.
.
.
.
ᵎ!ᵎ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ . . . m.list
note: wrote this because i kept seeing knife play and bondage in tamsy smut but never wax/temperature play which is highly underrated imo; anyway, i hope y'all enjoy this, fuckin freaks (affectionate) <3
I saw your post about wanting an idea to write for Tamsy, and I have one that maybe is angst...
hello there sunshine! hope you are doing well <3
you can ignore if ya want, no pressure.
my idea is that the reader is also a sadist, but instead of being an empty cup from emphaty or symphaty (I forgot how to write right) actually tries they best to not be like a demon around, and do the righr things even that go away is an option, like, the reader saw one of the cleaners crying? they can be more sensible and in a delicate way, use the rational side to resolve and embrace instead of simple pat-pat in the back for not knowing what to do.
follows the line of "I know I can kill, but life seems so much precious" type of thought, I think is a high contrast with him.
another thing! with both of them being sadist but only reader really being an angel, they arent air head, they also highly aware and conscious, what turns down right impossible for Tamsy to manipulate or try something, after all, the reader not only dont care but also can protect in different ways whoever they can, reader knows how to do the same thing, thats why is impossible to be under a spell.
I hope you liked the idea and srry for this being HUGE, but I wanted to express the best I could this idea.
hope you have enough sleep, a good meal and a warm hug😻🤍💙 XoXo
to be illusive *ೃ༄
pairing *ೃ༄ tamsy caines / gn! sadist! reader
fic type *ೃ༄ oneshot
tags *ೃ༄ angst if you squint, reader is a functional sadist, manga spoilers
summary *ೃ༄ hiding things from tamsy usually never works out well.
note *ೃ༄ deadass this was so hard for me to write because i was unsure whether to write reader as a sadist or a psychopath because i feel like a lot of what was mentioned in the ask were traits pertaining to psychopathy rather than sadism (or both?) but i hope this is satisfactory, if not, i'm really sorry TwT !!
masterlist *ೃ༄
One of the most common human traits seen in people, is the tendency to drift towards people who act similarly or share the same ideals.
It was the reason so many cities on the Ground thrived despite the wasteland of garbage they stood on. It was the reason for which many of those at Cleaner HQ felt so at home with one another; The reason for which the teams worked so well together and did their jobs efficiently enough to actually yield results — It was the reason for which Tamsy was so enamored with you.
See, unlike the average Cleaner, your loyalty to the organization and its cause was a farce.
From what he had observed, you were a walking contradiction. You listened intently when others spoke, you comforted those who cried and you offered a helping hand when you sensed it was needed. To the passive onlooker, you'd look like a dutiful, helpful member of the Cleaners.
To Tamsy, you looked like nothing but an actor.
He knew it, because he was the same.
His words of comfort to Rudo were always just ways to deepen their relationship so it would hurt more when Rudo discovered the truth, and when Tamsy listened to those who felt comfortable enough to rant to him, it was simply an act to make him seem like the reliable and painfully kind member of Team Eager he pretended to be. Every movement of his was callous and calculated — there was not one second of his time that went to waste.
And of course, there was a possibility that you meant everything you did; That you had some sort of mushy reason for being everyone's shoulder to lean on.
But there were a few things that kept him from thinking that to be the truth.
One: On high-intensity missions where feelings were guaranteed to be at an all-time high, you always seemed to make decisions with a rationality that wasn't natural for someone who was regarded with warmth — even the most reliable people had their breaking points, after all. You, however, lacked a breaking point when it came to your emotions.
Not even the most dire situation would get you to freak out or at the very least make you sweat with fear, much to his dismay.
Two: There wasn't any genuine warmth in your actions even when they were the epitome of what warmth was to the average person. You could lend a close hug to Dear Santa whenever he was anxious during a mission and you could try to uplift Zanka when he doubted himself too much — but there was always an initial stiffness in your hug and a hesitation in your breath whenever you spoke.
All of it lacked a certain soul to it that only Tamsy was aware of as far as he knew.
And finally, Three: You tried too hard to act human. He knew this from the emptiness in your expression whenever you were by yourself. Despite how much others asked of you — you never once seemed to want for anything. You didn't get angry with people, didn't cry when you were anxious or fearful of something; You were blunt whenever you weren't trying to be warm and as much as you tried to be a help to others, there was a lack of passion behind it that he noticed very quickly as someone who was generally drawn to passionate people.
It was after noticing these three things that he realized: the contradictions surrounding the façade you demonstrated to everyone else could only be the result of a poorly hidden secret.
And so, being the curious person he was, he began to linger around you more than usual.
So much so, that when it became almost impossible to see both of you apart, Enjin, Gris and the others began to speculate that you two might have had a thing going on. While the two of you denied it any time it came up, He'd be lying if he said it didn't work in his favor despite how annoying Enjin could be about it, since it allowed for an excuse to be close to you and figure you out for himself.
And figure you out, he did.
Although, he didn't exactly mean to find out when he did
You see, on the way back from the desert No Man's Land Penta, he hadn't noticed that you were looking out the window from the seat behind him, which led to you inevitably suspecting that Tamsy may have had something to do with Amo's disappearance once it became known that the Raiders knew little to nothing about what had happened to her.
To be truthful, you weren't going to ask.
But your curiosity won you over.
So, here you were. Alone with him in the hallway while the others were winding down in the common room after a mission. Tamsy offered to get drinks for everyone from the kitchen and seeing the opportunity to be alone with him, you decided to follow along.
"You know, I could've brought it to you by myself, it's really no problem." A pleased smile is on his lips as he glances at you beside him.
"I know, I just.." A sigh eases from your lips, "I had something I wanted to ask you."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I meant to ask back when we were in the car, but the encounter with the Raiders left me pretty beat, so.."
He hums in acknowledgement as he holds the door to the kitchen open for you. "Well, since everything has calmed down now, what did you want to ask?"
"It's nothing too serious, just.." you say as you follow him to the fridge, "Do you normally let Tokushin's thread unravel after missions?"
"Hm?" His eyebrow quirks up at you as he takes a few glass bottles of beer out of the fridge. "What do you mean?"
You lean against the counter beside the fridge with your arms crossed, "When we were coming back from Penta I noticed that there was a thread unraveling from your sleeve in the direction of Amo's tower. I thought it was strange since I haven't really seen you do that so, I thought I'd ask."
He narrows his eyes, "Are you trying to imply something?"
How interesting, you think to yourself. Someone as kind as Tamsy would have.. no, should have brushed off your accusation. Instead, he was cutting straight to the chase. "No?" You lie, feigning innocence to get some sort of reaction out of him. "I just wanted to ask. After what happened with the Raiders and Rudo, it seemed like they didn't really have anything to do with Amo disappearing.."
"And you believe that I had a part to play in it?" He stands to his full height with the bottles in his arms, towering over you. If his intention was to intimidate you, it only made you fight the smile you were holding back on the inside. He was usually so calm and collected.. so to see him so worked up over a simple question was certainly a treat.
"You're not exactly denying it." You shrug as you take a few of the bottles off of him to help.
"Let's say I did do it," he puts the bottles down on the counter beside you before cornering you between it. Your back arches awkwardly as you avoid being face to face with him. "What exactly made you think you were safe confronting me like this, hm? Are you naive or just that stupid?"
Ignoring his insult, you smile and ask, "So you did do it?"
"Yeah." He confirms, "What are you going to do about it?"
"Uh.. nothing?"
"What?" He deadpans.
"I'm not going to do anything." You say as you raise the cold bottle of beer in your hand and lay it against his neck. It causes him to hiss and he temporarily lets up, just like you expected. You get out from underneath him and take more of the bottles from the counter, heading towards the doors of the kitchen to head back to the celebration.
"If you're not going to tell, just what was your goal in asking at all?"
"You're smart. I'm sure you'll figure it out." Your lips curl into a smirk before you leave the room completely.
After that night, the interaction kept circling through his mind like annoying ass sheep that wouldn't leave him alone. Clearly, you weren't as warm as you let everyone else believe you were. So in a way, you were the same as him. On the other hand, that smile.. It was as if you were taking pleasure in the fact that he didn't know neither your thoughts about it nor what you would do.
In his momentary lapse of annoyance that night, he believed that he could always simply kill you himself to take care of the aftermath with ease; He could make it look like an accident without any hesitation, however.. Waiting to see what you would do seemed to be an enticing option.
And so, you lived to see another day.
It was a feat to find out where Amo was, but eventually, Rudo found her. You were there with the rest of the group to find her, anxious to see just how Tamsy would handle this obstacle in his road. As much as you tried to not give into your sadism, you allowed yourself to drop that whenever it concerned him specifically.
In some weird way, he had become an outlet for your sadistic tendencies.
"Amo, do you know who did this to you?" Rudo's voice shook with worry and anger as he looked upon his friend who lay debilitated on the hospital cot.
"Amo doesn't remember much.." She spoke softly, her voice tired after the tiresome events of the day. The Information Broker had been able to tell Rudo where she was being held, much to his relief. When Tamsy appeared out of nowhere just before they were going to enter the runes, everyone was a little on guard.
Everyone except you.
You were laughing internally at how easily his mask could have slipped if he wasn't seen as the laidback yet reliable member of team Eager. Truly, his acting skills were on par with yours, but unlike him, you didn't feel pleasure upon seeing others suffer.
Well, you did — just not when it came to those who were close to you.
For now, your biggest pleasure was thinking of how easy it would be to tear down the image he so meticulously built for himself.
Amo speaks up again, "But she does remember seeing.." Your eyes subtly move over to Tamsy who's too busy looking at her. "A long haired.. woman." Given that you were already looking at him, you catch the sinister smile that appears on his face for a split second.
"Are you sure?" you asked the girl, seeking to ruin the blond's fun.
She nods weakly.
"Mm.." You glance over at Tamsy and he's already looking at you through narrowed eyes.
He straightens up, "Perhaps you'll gain more of your memories with time and adequate rest."
"I agree." you chime.
After the moment passes, Tamsy and you somehow end up being the only ones in the room with Amo. Seeing as she's fallen asleep once more due to the meds in her system, he speaks freely.
"Do you get joy out of this?"
"I do. A hundred percent." You snicker as you stand beside him while he's sat on the chair
He scoffs, "So, let me get this straight — you won't expose me, but you'll allude to what I'm doing in front of everyone else?"
"There's no fun in exposing you," you admit. "But I'm also not going to sit idly by, especially not when it's so entertaining seeing you lose your cool."
"Mm." Tamsy hums to himself with a newfound smile on his lips. "Is this why you always hesitate?"
A beat.
"..hm?"
His lips curl slightly into a smile as he glances up at you, "I know what you are — what you feel." You stay silent, letting him go on. "You thrive on the suffering of other people. That's why your tender actions towards everyone else feel so empty to you — You just like being needed."
"I don't thrive on their suffering," You meet his eyes for a tender second. "Just yours."
He chuckles, "That doesn't exactly change the fact that you're every bit as twisted as I am."
"I'm not," you sigh and push yourself off of the wall, "I may not feel as much empathy for those closest to us, but I'd rather live my life knowing I helped them instead of making their lives a living hell for my own enjoyment." You walk to exit the room, leaving him alone with his own thoughts as you go on with your day.
That day, you made a statement about morality that frankly, he couldn't care less about. You somehow harbored the same sadistic urges as he, and yet, you chose to filter yourself for those around you regardless. In part, he had been correct to suspect that your actions were a façade — but his mistake lay in the fact that he was wrong to assume you would give into your urges.
However.. you did seem to enjoy whenever he was inconvenienced.
Realistically, he should have felt threatened by your mere acknowledgement of his actions. He should've felt anger that you chose to teeter on the edge of the truth whenever he deliberately lied to cover his tracks. Instead, he was quite entertained with it.
He loved the thrill of the game.
And so did you.
After all, that was why you never told a soul about what he did.
