Why is Dean a closeted bisexual?
Spn s5e03 Free to be You and Me & Spn s15e16 Drag Me Away (From You)
(x)
So this is the Deanism that launched 1,000 memes, but when did he learn this life lesson? That human society demands you to lie to get something you want really, really bad.
Luckily we met Caitlin, a friend of Dean’s from good old 1993. And she asks him about fear at the end of the episode.
(x)
Spn 15x16 established that Dean meets Caitlin January 1993, and that she knew then that Dean would never admit things about himself that could get him rejected by other people.
What was the social climate like for LGBTQIA+ in the US in 1993?
1993 was a shit show, if you are LGBT and want to be accepted then do not tell anyone. The olden days sucked. Was that year chosen on purpose for the episode? Dean has often been referred to as the good soldier.
There is also the matter of the room number chosen for the motel:
The room number was 214 and that also happens to be the same as the US DD 214 military form, that is used for military separation. So maybe another sign that the year 1993 was intentionally chosen due to its association the federal law banning identifying as LGBT in the military.
Spn 3x10 Dream a little Dream
NIGHTMARE DEAN: I mean, you're going to hell and you won't lift a finger to stop it. Talk about low self-esteem. Then again, I guess it's not much of a life worth saving, now is it? You are nothing. You're as mindless and obedient as an attack dog. What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car? That's Dad's. Your favorite leather jacket? Dad's. Your music? Dad's. Do you even have an original thought? Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?
Dean wanted to be loved and accepted very, very bad so he buried his own feelings and dreams and tried to make himself be just like his father.
He hoped that fake Dean would find the acceptance and love that he believed he was unworthy to get. Thanks to John’s A+ parenting, and the homophobic assholes of his youth.
One last thing, the title of 15x16 episode is a reference from Africa by Toto.
I stopped an old man along the way, / Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancinet melodies / He turned to me as if to say, Hurry boy, it's waiting there for / You
Is Caitlin the guide (old man) that encourages Dean to face his truth and stop being afraid to admit it? Leave the past behind, change for the better, and chase your future Dean.
tysm to @plastic-rainbow and @i-roll-my-eyes for the meta on Caitlin and ideas on Africa that started this whole train of thought.
https://i-roll-my-eyes.tumblr.com/post/634391185474125825/gum-believable-plastic-rainbow-i-dont-know-if
I wrote long ass msg but it got all deleted so let me just say this. I'm a heller and I deeply believe this episode was about nothing more than Dean having to tell Sam about Jack dying in the future. We have 4 main scenes. Dean hiding phone from Sam. Sam telling Dean that they use to have more secrets as kids but not anymore and Dean getting uncomfortable listening to this. Caitlyn telling him stuff and then Dean telling Sam about Jack. I feel like reaching for something else in episode that is obviously focused on sam and Dean is devaluation of our credibility as hellers. This episode was a very clear line of events and sometimes a lamp is just a lamp.
