loveletterstoaghost

Writing letters I can never send

[loveletterstoaghost]

Kill Switch

I’m glad I found the trigger to shut you off, the button to push to push you away. I can’t spend four hours a week with my head curled between your fingers like it was for a fucking decade. Fuck that and fuck off. But I have found something out. I’m stronger than I thought and I really do have a mental illness. Saying no to you proved it. I’m healing and not going back down that twisty path…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Curves and Edges

We all have edges. Some of us have cliffs. Giant chasms sharp teeth jutting out of all the edges that make us. For some of us, hard is all we are, dangerous, defensive, hidden with high turrets, guns at the ready atop concrete walls gray with safety and all of those rough edges. So many edges that you wonder if the curve exists at all. Is there soft or smooth or gentle? A silky turn, a blurring…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Which Emoji Are You Today? 🤔

There are emojis for everything. Little faces or figures to deliver feelings. Images instead of words. It’s supposed to work better, right? But who wants a love poem made out of cartoons? Ok. That might be kind of cool, but still, poetry is supposed to stir something inside you, something deep within your soul as cliche as I may sound. The world is poetry, language, emotion, feeling what it’s…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Sky Dogs

Sometimes rocks shatter windows that aren’t there and let in spirits I thought were dead. Broken keys suddenly unlock frozen bolts, you can hear the metal scraping and chunking along as it turns, the door opening onto a field that you thought was a room. And here we stand amid daisies and tall grass with the summer sun hot on our foreheads. I point out a dog-shaped cloud just as it bursts into a…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Poetic Shit

Ripples walking their watery ringlets among ashes. Or some poetic shit that never sounds quite right. I don’t write anymore because the letters feel jagged and their teeth cut me, tear instead of slice clean and it’s a wonder they come out at all or maybe that they don’t rush out, a forever waterfall of words cascading forward from my lips and fingertips spreading my pain and ache and sorrow…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Rise

It’s always the same old thing rewashed, bleached out, and sold as new. But it’s dry and used and fucking boring. The fake words and the deluge of lies flooding from your lips now poisoned. What was it? Did I look like an easy mark? A target for your abuse? Your use? I left myself sliced open, laid bare upon your table and I begged you to carve deeper. But you…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Underwater Now

The waves rumble, the thunder touches the tips of my toes and crashes into the glass inside my ribs. I’m underwater now, my fingers raking the water that used to be air. I breathe but it’s concrete instead of oxygen and I sink. I drop and the lies chained to my ankles like a hit man’s bricks drag me into the dark. The lies persist. When all is ash and fire, the lies live…

[loveletterstoaghost]

If You Loved Me

It’s the quiet that settles around me the moment you enter the room, the sudden light that chases the stray shadows and hugs the warmth back into winter. It feels like the moment when you let out the breath you’ve been holding, and your shoulders finally relax. It’s the heat pulsing under your skin when you pull me into your chest, your arms around me silencing the chaos swimming in…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Sometimes It's Noon

Sometimes it’s three am and the walls look like phantoms or memories. I’m not sure which. Then it’s noon and I wonder why the sun is so bright when the shadows are so dark. Sometimes it’s raining and your voice pitter-patters on my rooftop, singing alongside the drops. Before I can think, it’s hot and the air sticks to me in silent longing for fingertips and soft lips like the ones you used to…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Vacancies

Even in the darkness, I am yours. When we are lost, wandering roads cobbled in vacant thoughts, frozen moments, when we are alone, warmth receding from our needy grasps, even then, I am yours. In shadows and fog, in corners and fields, when nothing persists beyond sadness and gloom, I am yours. These dreams you haunt beckon me on, draw me nearer, and yet, even though I am yours, we are…

[loveletterstoaghost]

The Size of a Person

There is a hole the size of a person carved inside my heart. The absence holds enough space to fill ten rooms full of emptiness. This cavern sits like an abandoned house, vacant and sad and hopeless. All the life has seeped away when the rain began to weather a hole the size of a person. Floods of words widened the gap, making it deeper than before. Hurricanes have washed memories through and…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Lost

Pricks and pinches, slices and sores. I’m full of empty unless you count pain. I’ve enough of that to spread around. Holes and hideouts, deserts and dungeons. I’m lost among familiars, their faces poking into a reality empty of full. Shattered and shaken, busted and broken. I’m a mirror in pieces on a dirty floor, and I don’t know if I’m real or if I’m dreaming of his face, his fingers gripping…

[loveletterstoaghost]

No. More.

A cavern. No. Bigger. A canyon cracked its way through my chest, and it cut my heart in half. Or maybe smaller. It bulldozed, slaughtered my heart, crumbled it into a million particles, and it drug them across my body and out into the air. Now I am holes. No. Emptier. Black holes of forgotten matter, tangled timezones mixed with endless space where my heart used to be. You broke me. No. Shattered…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Who Am I?

Tick tock, the time clicks by on wooden stilts, soaking up the hours like thirsty tongues submerged in frozen ponds. Each step aches your bones, they crack in time with the clock whose hands reach forward and drag you into the future, one you don’t recognize because now you aren’t you. Now you are what they say, what they label, what they preach. You are amidst cracks in time, broken places you…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Sad Eyes

I am wading in the dark of you, through your mires, your swamps, all the black that makes you. I keep knocking on cave walls, on cottage doors hoping you’ll open one, even just a crack, a sliver of welcome, of wanting, because I want to know you. I want to walk around in your mind and hear your heart beat from the inside. To hold your pieces up to the light and let the dark drop out. You are so…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Mushrooms and Stones

I want to be with you for a second or forever. Our lives are ephemeral like that of a hare’s foot inkcap. We can be beautiful even if it doesn’t last because every moment with you feels like a lifetime. Just as stones witness the ages and still remain, I’ll live a thousand years in your arms even if it is only for a day. ~Patience

[loveletterstoaghost]

See Me

I want to see you, learn you, know you from all angles, all sides, every rough edge and crack you have because I want to know what makes you. I want to look into your eyes and see not just your heart but your soul, your lazy curves, your gentle pieces, all the things that make you. The part that floats in front of me, the ideas that linger when you’re gone, they yearn to…