To S,
You were on my mind again when I woke up this morning. I have found that you are on my mind more often these days. Sometimes I bring you there purposely, remembering your smile, to console me, warm me, or make myself sad. Sometimes those thoughts are memories. Remembering your arms around me and how they always felt warm and secure. So often, you surprise me, though, and find your own way into my thoughts. Sometimes I awaken and realize what a tender part of my dreams you have been. Dreaming of the rustle of the trees in the quiet park, sitting a little apart with an unspoken boundary, the sky hanging above us. The scents of the woods bring back the image of you, driving carefree with your right hand on the gear shift, and a sense of peace overcomes me.
I can remember the last time I saw your face. I would have made the moment last longer if I had known it then. At this point, the next time I'll see you might take a little while if I ever do. It makes me wonder, years later, if your features being burned into my mind is a blessing or a curse. As time passes, the vivid memories of you begin to feel like an ever-present companion. Your soft smile resonates in my mind. I often wonder where life has taken you. Are you chasing your dreams, finding happiness with your lovely family? Or are you lost in the labyrinth of everyday responsibilities, longing for something just out of reach?
I still hold on to the hope, and the fear, that our paths might cross again. It was both a comforting and disquieting thought. What if meeting again only brings bittersweet memories? We could always come back to each other as if no time had passed, but what if the next time is different? You remain a constant specter in my life. I realize our connection has transcended into something I can't explain. You became a symbol of something more profound—an unforgettable mark on my soul, a reminder of ephemeral moments in a genuine connection. Though the ache of your absence hasn't vanished, it turned into a wistful appreciation of our shared time. The warmth of your embrace and the kindness in your eyes became a treasure buried deep in my being.
So wherever you are, know that you were on my mind again this morning, and you will be on my mind many mornings to come. The memories you left comfort me through life's ups and downs. Whether our paths intertwine once more or remain forever parallel, I will carry the essence of what we had with me, grateful for the joy and pain.
- An amalgamation of various poems and my own thoughts to untangle my feelings.
