How to fuck Bolsonaro and save the planet
“Unless you have already found a nice comfy cave up high in a mountain and stacked it up with canned food enough to last for decades, Jair Bolsonaro’s promised attacks on environment has to be stopped immediately!”
So it happened. Despite our crossed-fingers and before-bedtime prayers, world’s 5th largest country and 8th biggest economy is handed over to another misogynistic, homophobic, gun-loving arsehole. Jair Bolsonaro, rightfully nicked the Tropical Trump, won majority of the votes in the second round of the presidential elections in Brazil. It’s another dark day for us all.
Dear reader,
At this point, you might be saying “why the fuck should I care about Brazil’s new president”. You may not care about the women’s or LGBT rights in Brazil or let the relaxation of gun laws be Brazilians’ own problem (for all of which I might say, you`re completely wrong), but please know that on one important issue, Bolsonaro has promised to fuck not only Brazil, but the whole planet including your own pink arse: the environment.
With 450 million m3, Brazil is already the world`s 11th biggest CO2 emitter. On the plus side, Brazil is home to 3.3 km2 of Amazon rainforest, by far the biggest in the world. What Bolsonaro has been promising in his campaign was to go wild on the CO2 emissions, while wildly destroying the already threatened Amazons. Here’s a list of his campaign promises on environmental issues:
Withdrawal from the Paris agreement which has set targets for limitation of CO2 emissions to combat climate change
Shutting down the Ministry of Environment
Building a new motorway right through the Amazons
Opening up new areas on indigenous territories to mining
Relaxation of environmental law enforcement and licensing
Beefing up the alliance with the beef lobby which is already responsible for cutting down thousands of km2 of rainforest to open farmland.
Banning international environmental NGO’s like Greenpeace and WWF to operate in Brazil
In a time when scientists are already ringing the alarm bells at the highest level, actualization of even half of these campaign promises will be disastrous for all of us living on this planet. We can discuss for days the bad policies that has led Bolsonaro to power or write volumes on the rise of alt-right across the globe, but unless you have already found a nice comfy cave up high in a mountain and stacked it up with canned food enough to last for decades, Bolsonaro’s promised attacks on environment has to be stopped immediately, before they even start. Let’s discuss a few ways how.
We already know that, despite all the Jesus-praising, family-values-loving bullshit they talk non-stop about, guys like Bolsonaro care for and understand from one thing much more than anything else: Money.
Brazilian economy is already very fragile, trying to recover from years of recession, making it the Achilles’ (or in this case, Bolsonaro’s) heel If we can make this arsehole hear loud and clear that for any detrimental action he takes on the environment, we will strike back with our combined economic force, we can push him back to the hole he sneaked his miserable head out of. Below, I tried to list a few things you can easily do without losing your comfort too much.
Don’t Go
Brazil receives more than 6.6 million international tourists each year, leaving a revenue of more than 7 billion dollars. So, unless you’re planning to go and stand in front of the bulldozers chopping down the rainforests, postpone that tropical visit to another time. Or if you really want to see the rainforests and white sandy beaches that bad, try Costa Rica perhaps, where they are very close to becoming the first carbon neutral country in the world (and don’t forget to find ways to off-set your carbon footprint from that long intercontinental flight :)).
Eat Less Meat
I’m not saying go full-on vegan -not that it hurts- but eating less meat may be the most efficient way to hit back at Bolsonaro. Brazil’s biggest exports by far are animal agriculture related items (beef and poultry meat, soybeans and corn used as animal feed, etc.). By reducing the demand for Brazilian beef, chicken and soybeans, you will not only throw a punch at the Brazilian economy, but also take away the reasons for opening up more farmland in the Amazons.
Now, you might argue that you only eat local meat, not any of that Brazilian stuff, so this does not apply to you. Here’s a few counter arguments then: For starters, in many cases, cattle are transported live (in horrendous conditions, often from Brazil) and slaughtered locally, making its `country of origin` the land where the slaughterhouse is and not where the animals were raised. So, you often don’t really know whether that entrecôte you bought from the supermarket actually comes from Farmer Joe’s ranch or the Amazons.
Secondly, it is very likely that your country raises not enough chicken or cattle to meet the local demand, therefore even if you’re eating local meat, you are pushing others to eat imported stuff. By reducing the demand, you will force your local animal farmers be more competitive against Brazilian exporters. We all know that no politician wants to stand up against farmers, so goes up the tariffs against Brazilian beef and chicken.
And even if that is not the case and there is no Brazilian beef or chicken sold where you live, those animals were probably still fed on soybeans grown in Brazil. Soybeans alone account for more than 19 billion dollars (yes, billion with a ‘B’) of Brazilian exports. So, by just eating less meat, not only will you drop those cholesterol levels you’ve been worrying about, but also fuck Bolsonaro with a healthy smile :).
Use Less Fuel
Funny hey, what seems to be already good for the environment is bad for Bolsonaro. 5% of Brazil’s exports income comes from crude oil. Simply by cleaning up your old bike and pedalling to work, you will both reduce your own carbon footprint and also help drop the global demand on oil. Lower demand means lower prices, which in return results in a stick up Bolsonaro’s arse (plus the Saudis’, double good :)).
Consume Less Sugar
Equally funny, what seems to be already good for your health is also bad for Bolsonaro. Raw sugar accounts for 5.7% of Brazil’s exports. Cutting down on those pop drinks as well as pedalling to work will do wonders on that belly of yours. Another fine strike at Bolsonaro (with an added bonus hit at Coca-Cola :)).
For any arguments about consuming locally produced sugar, see the counter arguments for meat. The same principals apply and those love handles have got to go :).
Quit Smoking
Did you know that Brazil is a major tobacco exporter? I won’t even bother to elaborate further :).
Drink Less umhh… Coffee
Okay, this one hurts me the most. I am not going to preach anything I cannot follow myself, but you can check out the country of origin mark on this one. Unlike meat and sugar, the `Product of Brazil` mark has an added economic value when it comes to coffee. Yes, you get good coffee from Brazil, but not all good coffee comes from Brazil. So, next time you reach for the black stuff, make sure they originate from a better place (and is fair-trade). Costa Rica? Hey, you can even start an online petition to Starbucks on this one.
The same principal applies to pretty much everything. Whatever you’re looking to buy, make sure it is not `Made in Brazil`. That private jet you want to buy so much for example, don’t buy it from Embraer - bikes are way cooler anyway :).
Contact the NGO’s
Call your local Greenpeace and WWF office -since they have been promised to be silenced by Bolsonaro- and ask what their plans are (and if they can’t answer back, ask why the fuck they cannot). Try to get involved in their efforts to combat the evil. This is a global problem that will require global cooperation. Be part of it.
Contact Your Politicians
If you, by any chance, live in a country where the politicians give a rat’s arse to what the voters think, contact them and explain your concerns. Ask them to take measures against the guy who promises to destroy the future of your kids. And if they don’t listen, vote them out in the next elections and bring in those who will.
Inform Others
There is a good chance that your media have not given the deserved attention to what is happening in Brazil and you have heard of it only by pure luck. For every person who is informed about the issue, there are hundreds of thousands who is not. Use every social and antisocial media you can find to tell them about the great danger and urge them to take action. We cannot solve this problem on our own. Group up and combat together.
Reach Out
Bolsonaro is Brazilian, but not all Brazilians are Bolsonaro – just like not all Americans are Trump, not all French are Le Pen, not all Dutch are Wilders. Half of the country voted against the bastard. And out of 210 million Brazilians in the world, there’s a chance that you might have befriended one or two. If so, reach out to them. Local knowledge is golden - ask how you can help them further to stop the devil reincarnate. Make them feel your support at these troubling times in their country because you will need their support when the same shit happens in yours.
So, shall we samba?
Hey OP
I thought a lot about this post ever since I first saw it. I told myself I would avoid posting on Tumblr again, but I think that, as a Brazilian myself, I should say why, while well intended, this post is not quite right.
Let me tell you that politicians in Brazil don’t give a single fuck about the economy. You know why? Most of them are already millionaires after decades of corruption and stealing from the population, so the moment our economy officially breaks and there’s no more money to steal they’ll just pack their fucking bags and leave the population to starve to death.
You know why a guy like Bolsonaro was elected? Because people are desperate. For the past 13 years we have been stolen from, people are dying in hospitals because there are no doctors, no nurses and no equipment to treat them; teachers hired by the government are starving because their salaries are not being paid. In fact, you’re lucky if you go into a public school and find even toilet paper there. I promise you I’m not exaggerating, this is the real deal. And for some goddamn reason people believe that a guy like Bolsonaro will end the corruption. Probably because our teachers are starving and kids can’t even go to school properly because they have to start working at a very young age to help with money at home, so our education is very shitty.
Sabotaging our economy won’t bring consequences to the politicians, it will hurt the population and the population only. Those politicians are the reason we are breaking apart in the first place. We are the 8th economy in the world, yet mnimum wage in Brazil doesn’t make up to 300 dollars. Imagine having to live with less than 300 dollars a month.
Honestly, look at Venezuela. They broke and people are having to flee the country. THIS is what you’re gonna do to Brazil if you try to hurt our economy, not fuck Bolsonaro over. (Btw, Bolsonaro once said he actually admired Hugo Chávez.) Breaking a country is absolutely not the way to fix a political issue. Look up Germany before WW2. This is the kind of shit that happens. Merely 30 years ago Brazil managed to get out of a military dictatorship and finally become a democracy. Fucking our economy over is only probably going to make it easier for us to go back to a dictatorship.
Brazilian people are already desperate, that’s why Jair Bolsonaro has been elected. And he’s a fucking dumbass, a violent dumbass who has stated he favors torture and believes the best way to solve Brazil’s issues is a civil war. I’m not joking, he said that.
We do need your help tho. Reach out to your local politicians, reach out to news papers, your friends, protest with us, donate to organizations dedicated to save the Amazons, but please do NOT fuck our economy.
