Lover, Me, And The Trauma Monster @lover-me-andmonster - Tumblr Blog

I fear that it will always be the three of us: him, me, and the trauma monster.

#sexualtrauma #sexualassault #actuallyassaulted #sexually assaulted #sa #trauma #teen sexual assault #sexual abuse #teen sexual trauma

I had another nightmare. It was the first time in quite a few months.

I had moved into an apartment of my own not too long before

Somehow I learned that I was pregnant

And that was when I began to feel sick

Because I’ve never had sex

And I didn’t remember anyone who could have possibly touched me.

But after finding security footage, I figured out it was my landlord.

He had the keys to my apartment.

He let himself into my space, went into my room, and raped me while I was sleeping.

And now I had his baby inside me.

I felt like a husk. A shell. Empty. Hollow. Whatever you want to call it.

I remember sitting, looking down or away, and speaking with fire medics or paramedics even though the window for when they would be helpful had long since passed. I was already pregnant after all, and obviously I wasn’t injured enough to even recognize what happened.

Either before or after I learned what happened to me, people from church were in my apartment. People I know who have happily forgotten about me by now. People who have kids and partners.

I don’t know why they were in my home, they didn’t even interact with me very much. Maybe they were there to show me what I believe I’ll never have.

pnkvmpr-hiatus-deactivated20240

but seriously shout out to bi girls who want boyfriends/husbands or have boyfriends/husbands and love them a lot I know people give you shit for "choosing the straight side" and saying like, "oh well society expects you to be in relationships with men" as an excuse to like, be rude or exclude you from wlw/LGBT spaces and conversations and dismiss your complaints about how bi women are treated etc. you're fucking awesome and you deserve to be in community spaces and to feel safe and welcomed, and you shouldnt have to feel guilty because people think your love is somehow less radical or whatever the fuck. i hope you have a lovely healthy relationship with a boyfriend/husband and he makes you feel happy and loved and accepted.

a-pirates-threnody

X

M. A. Thompson - I Won’t Write My Poem ‘Till I’m In My Right Mind X

Mary Oliver X

Richard Siken - road music

George Sand (Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin) in her letter to Gustave Flaubert X

Ada Limón - The Carrying X

Nikki Giovanni - Mirrors X

“I just want to be kind in a world that isn’t”

redoftheturks

“Do you know how much violence it took to become this gentle?”

More than I will ever let you know.

If I found out I was pregnant

I would be terrified.

Not only because I haven’t had sex.

I never had a lover who cared about me.

If I saw the colors show up on the test saying pregnant

It would feel like whatever feelings of bodily autonomy I had worked to gain back would be lost

I know how invasive the health checks can be.

A pelvic exam involves inserting a lubricated, gloved hand into the vagina while gently pressing down on the lower abdomen with the other hand in order to feel for any abnormalities on the ovaries, uterus, or Fallopian tubes.

If I hadn’t had a pelvic exam within the last year before getting pregnant

I’d have to get one done.

Or the early ultrasounds conducted transvaginally

Or how late in pregnancy a hand is inserted in order to determine dilation or effacement.

Not to mention people touching me when my belly protrudes out

Never stopping to ask if I’m okay with this touch

I’m so happy to have the ability to create life within me

But not being in control of my body during it

starry-eyedx

I don’t know who needs to hear to this today but I’m your abuse is NOT your fault.

mjalti

souliloquy23

sexual-assault-of-military--blog

““What we hear again and again from soldiers who have been raped is that as bad as it was being raped, what was as bad, if not worse, was to receive professional retaliation in their chosen career because they were raped.””

— https://onthescreenreviews.com/2013/01/07/theres-a-right-way-a-wrong-way-and-the-army-way/