ech. @echoismean - Tumblr Blog

I don’t think I have what it takes to survive. No matter how much I try, the world always seems one step ahead. It’s like everyone else knows the rules of this game, and I’m just fumbling around, hoping I can fake my way through it. Maybe survival isn’t for people like me. People talk about instincts, about resilience, but what if I don’t have any of that? I’m just tired. Tired of pretending I can make it when deep down, I know I won’t.

#dead inside #spilled ink #idk #i hate this

esbatubulet

Dalam beberapa keadaan, berjuang tidak selalu berarti maju. Terkadang kita harus mundur sejenak untuk dapat memperbaiki keadaan..

ashstfu

forever in awe of people who pay attention. people who wait for you while you tie your shoes while the others have walked away. when they continue listening intently while the rest of the group stopped listening. noticing your moments of silence when everyone else hasn’t. “this made me think of you” noticing things you never even noticed about yourself. people who say “text me when you get home safe.” people who make you laugh until you cry. childhood friends who keep in touch. people with genuine intentions. people who are soft when the world has given them every opportunity to turn hard. the “let’s get ice cream” at 3am friend. the turn up the music in the car and sing friend. people whose actions match their words. people who make the world feel less chaotic. kindred spirits. the trustworthy and honest. hard workers. good listeners. clear communicators. people who love you for who you are. people who don’t ask you to be anything other than yourself. people who choose you. people who stay.

walrustrain

Do you ever feel like you’re just convenient?

You’re the convenient friend, convenient time pass, convenient relationship, convenient option for everyone.

You’re the person people hang out with because you’re easy, and always eager because you’re always just so desperate to feel wanted and not alone, but really you’re just convenient.

You know you’re not special, and that your spot in their life will be easily replaced and that they’d much rather someone else in their company- but again you’re just convenient. You’re the convenient option. The always available option.

I’m the friend who has best friends but isn’t the best friend. I’m the convenient friend. I’m the lover who falls in love but never the one being loved. I’m just the convenient route.

Im the ‘never says no’ friend. The ‘easy to take advantage of’ friend. The ‘can you do me a favour?’ friend. I’m the ‘useful until no longer of use’ friend. I’m the ‘I want to do something but everyone else is busy’ friend.

I’m the butt of the joke friend. I’m the punching bag friend. The forgotten friend. The one who’s feelings aren’t considered because I’m the ‘she’ll get over it’ friend.

I’m just the easy and convenient friend.

And that’s my own fault, thinking always being available, always being easy and giving more of myself will finally one day deem me worthy in someone’s eyes. Spoiler alert - it doesn’t. I’m still never enough.

I’m the ‘smile through the pain’ friend because being this friend hurts.

sa-dnesss

“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everybody is doing so many things with their lives and I am just here.. achieving nothing. I wonder if that’s all I will ever be, nothing.”

—

zarathustra-would-be-proud

anxietyproblem

10-813-08

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

— Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

book-repository-for-ducks

“Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”

— Haruki Murkami, Sputnik Sweetheart

chattingbs

You ever feel like you have no choice but to reach out and talk to people, even when you feel unwanted by them?

Everything inside me screams not to message or call, but the fear of being forgotten about. That confirmation that I really do not matter, I do not cross your mind - that might send me into a whole different spiral.

That’s ultimately why I reach out, bc I crave so deeply to mean something to someone and I don’t want to leave room for them to show me how little I am thought about, loved or cared for.