it occurs to me, after thirty minutes standing at the stove caramelizing onions, that I love cooking.
I recently mentioned to a friend that I wished my parents taught me more about cooking when I was growing up. he was surprised; he assumed my parents had taught me. well, sort of, I told him. my parents made sure I knew how to feed myself, how to prepare dinner for the family, how to chop and peel and boil and roast. what I meant, though, was that I wished they'd taught me how to love food and prepare food I loved.
my mother did not teach me to caramelize onions. my father did not teach me to make a meatless meal. my parents did not teach me how to make vegetables interesting, or how to create balanced meals that satisfy emotionally as well as physically, and they certainly did not show me the simple pleasure of homemade bread and real butter. (we were a margarine household. NEVER AGAIN.)
the last time I had friends over, this was the menu:
penne with scrambled tofu in a roasted red pepper & garlic sauce
creamy carrot soup with peasant bread for dipping
apple galette and vanilla ice cream
I am very much a home cook. my meals are elevated basics, nothing too fancy. but they do take time. and it is one of the best ways I spend my time.
so I can't help but think, what would have happened if I'd found this love earlier? it was only in my mid-twenties, after I bought a home and had my own kitchen, that I really embraced cooking. but what if it had been during my teen years? what if I could have processed my big feelings in the kitchen? what if mealtimes were sacred? what if I hadn't tracked all those goddamn calories for all those years???
I know not everyone will love cooking. I sometimes hesitate to talk about the life-changing impact it's had on my life, lest I sound like I'm proselytizing. but I was standing in my kitchen after a long day at work, caramelizing onions...and I felt so at peace. when my friends were at my kitchen table, eating my apple galette, I felt contented.
all I want, truly, is to find a lover I can invite into my kitchen who will recognize it as a site of peace and pleasure.
