[loyalsuggestion]

Please don’t let me go. I know how the saying goes, “if you love something, set it free” and all that. But please, don’t let go.

What if I wander too far, and lose my way back again?

[loyalsuggestion]

It’s like every season has layered on top of me one by one. Sheets of new grass and sheets of morning dew. Sheets of fallen leaves; sheets of frost. A blanket of snow. It feels like the seasons, but maybe the weight of it all is simply just the weight of time. A day is a feather, perhaps.

Every day adds another feather, but 21 years later and I can feel the weight of every last one.

[loyalsuggestion]

I want to be mysterious, wanted, wondered about; but I also want to be understood.

[loyalsuggestion]

Loving you was never about a happily ever after. Loving you was about the way I felt when I held your hand. It was knowing that someday i’d have to let go of your hand, and choosing to love you anyways.

[loyalsuggestion]

He kissed me, and I felt free for the first time in a long, long time.

[loyalsuggestion]

Remind me what I have to stay for. Remind me why this life is so beautiful, when all I can feel is it’s blade to my throat.

[loyalsuggestion]

I think I’ve forgotten how to feel certain things; Like how to feel warm when I’m in the sun and how to feel safe when I’m in the rain. I don’t feel a whole lot these days.

[loyalsuggestion]

Love me softly, with open palms and a patient tongue.

[loyalsuggestion]

And I heard the glass break.

[loyalsuggestion]

When he held me, I knew I wasn’t the one he wished to be near. When he kissed me, I could almost feel him willing me into a past lover.

[loyalsuggestion]

Success without someone to share it with feels a lot like nothing.

[loyalsuggestion]

How do I know I will love him tomorrow? Easy. I loved him before I really understood what love meant. I loved him when he left me, and fell for another girl. I loved him when he came back to me just as I had loved him before. Time and time again, I have loved and lost but loved despite it all. I loved him when I should have hated him. I loved him even when I did hate him. I kissed another, and I wished it was him. I struggled to keep my identity in a life without him. He is my best friend, the best part of me. I know I will love him tomorrow because I have loved him every day since the eighth grade. Every day.

[loyalsuggestion]

Come back; remind me why I chose you all those years ago. Stay, and ask me to do the same.

[loyalsuggestion]

I miss love. Let me be clear: I don’t miss dating or kissing or any of the bonus parts of love. Those parts were fun, but what I really, painfully miss is holding someone’s hand and feeling them hold it back even tighter.

[loyalsuggestion]

It’s wrong to want after a love that hurt me so deeply, that left scars. I know this, and yet all I can seem to remember when I think of him are the moments he made me smile.

[loyalsuggestion]

The people who choose to include you in their lives do so for a reason. You have something to offer; remember that.

[loyalsuggestion]

When something matters to you, protect it. None of this “let it go, and if it was meant to be it will come back to you.” If you love something or someone, don’t let go. Don’t waste time.