LittleSpoon

My name is Miriam. That means 'bitter' in Hebrew. Yes, sometimes I can be a bit bitter. No, I'm not Jewish. I have a wonderful husband, Dan. He's my BigSpoon. I have one insane cat, Joker. Two two-legged children, Juliet Grayson was born 10 weeks early (!) on August 26, 2011. She's awesome. Piper Quinn cooked fully, born September 27, 2018. She's also pretty damn awesome. We live in NC but still dream about moving back to OH

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I'm sorry, but this is absolutely the funniest mistake I've seen in a long time...

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I'm on hold and the hold music is a very tinny "How Are Things in Glocca Morra"

I honestly don't know why I find this so amusing.

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Ok, how many more people will now break from their resolute belief in Mango Mussolini bc he just HAD to fucking interfere in the World Cup?

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The most surreal thing I've witnessed to date in this dystopian dumpster fire of a timeline, is the Roku ad right now for UFC AT THE WHITE HOUSE

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Woke up to another fraud alert and now my card is shut down and they're re-issuing for the FOURTH time in a year.

What the fuck is going on?

I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of the fucking world at this point. Like, everything is a grift? And good people are left holding the shit end of the stick.

Don't even get me started on our taxes this year.

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We've entered the itchy phase.

Which...healing, yay!

But it's also massively annoying.

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Listen, I'm admittedly a terrible person, but I also married a terrible person. I feel like we constantly cancel each other out?

But, being terrible people that we are. We also constantly make the other laugh.

We're watching the new season of The Floor and chick said she used to be pescetarian.

Dan: ohhhh that's why her hair is so long

Me: sir...

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I'm home!

Sleeping in the guest bed that's in Dan's office for the foreseeable future, and we're just watching Guy Fieri shows while I zone out.

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Guess who got admitted during routine outpatient surgery?

I also have a corneal abrasion, hence the eyepatch.

I'm totally fine. I have a ton of scar tissue so all of my insides like to stick together like velcro, so they had to call General Surgery in, which they had on call, bc they knew about this. (When I had Piper, I ended up having my bowel perfed, and GenSurg had to remove a part of my bowel.)

I have legitimately never had a normal procedure in my entire life. Idk why I thought maybe this time, I'd be lucky.

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So, no nerves about going in for surgery.

Mainly bc they told me yesterday to arrive by 8 and then called at 6:20 asking when I was going to show up 🤣

Got my pre-op feel good drugs flowing and my no blood clots booties.

Let's fucking go!

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Truly, medical care/insurance in this country is WILD.

I have had at least a dozen phone calls or visits for tomorrow's hysterectomy. This morning I received an email, text, and phone call about how much my surgery was going to be and what I will pay out of pocket.

Anyone want to guess?

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Pre-op testing today and they gave me my surgery prep instructions and special body wash.

Be so for real, how many people drank it before they started having to write DO NOT DRINK on the bottle?

Vibed with the phlebotomist. It's my favorite (and secret goal in life) that essentially anyone I'm around for 30 minutes or less thinks I'm hilarious and amazing.

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Sitting here trying to reconcile how I could be so surrounded by love with my extended family over the weekend to feeling so completely alone today.

I realized I would be alone on day 2 after my surgery next week. Dan is taking the day of my surgery, but needs to be in office the next day. My parents are a no go bc they scheduled a beach trip. But that's ok, bc they asked if it would be ok! Except, who does that? WHO DOES THAT. Why do they keep asking when it's impossible for me to say no? Oh, that's right. Bc they don't actually want me to say no. So they ask in a way that's impossible to say no. Bc they're fucking narcissists.

Anyway, I asked my sister, even though we're still attempting to rebuild our relationship. She has company and hard plans that day. That's fine. Truly.

But like, fuck? Should I just wing it? Idk if I'll even be able to climb stairs, let alone be able to get up to go to the bathroom by myself.

Also, today is Dan's bday and I'm sitting a room away trying desperately to not have him hear me crying bc this is so fucked up.

(My momm had a hysterectomy about 5 years ago and I 💯 was there, no questions asked. By the time I realized what my parents asked me and what it would mean, it was too late to say, "actually, no? What do you mean I'm having surgery and my parents won't be around?" And then I remembered when I had an emergency appendectomy and when I called to ask them if they could watch Jet, they said they were already in town and would come get them. Except they didn't show up for 45 minutes bc they had to finish their transaction at the glass company they came into town for? And then, when I was discharged, they immediately asked Dan to come get Jet. Like...why do I keep trying to give them the benefit of the doubt that they'll be there for me? They continually prove they won't.)

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I'm in Ohio for the internment of my step-grandfather and Nana's ashes. (Nana died 12 years ago, Lare-Lare passed in March.

I drove up by myself. I'm staying with my aunt and uncle and having a full on blast. I drove around by myself for 3 hours w a coffee and no plans and good tunes, in my hometown where I went back for college? This day is great!

Also, the sky here never disappoints

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Hands down, the most annoying aspect of having a teenager, is that your shit is ALWAYS missing.

I noticed a zit tonight as I was washing my face so I went to grab at my pimple patches. I have an opened sleeve and then I legit purchased a *BRAND*NEW*BOX* two weeks ago.

Opened sleeve: missing

Brand new box: also missing

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Yo, for real?

I know I am but a speck on this planet, but for real universe? What exactly did I do that made it so this portion of my life would be so horrible?

I started my very last period, ever, 30 minutes before my birthday?

[lspoon]

We're heading up to Busch Gardens for the weekend to celebrate Mother's Day/my bday and also bc it's the Food & Wine Festival and I've always wanted to go. We have memberships and it's only 3.5 hours away. Why not, I say! (Which is exactly what I said to Dan a few weeks ago when I had this idea.)

About an hour into the trip we got an update that there was a crash ahead and it detoured us. Except it put us back on the highway right where the crash was.

Y'all I really hope it was one of those freak accidents where the driver walked away w nary a scratch, despite their car being completely split down the middle bc they hit the woods at such a high speed. They were very obviously side-swiped and probably couldn't even tap the brakes.

I've seen my share of accidents, hell I've been in an accident with a semi, but this crash was the most horrific thing I've ever seen.