don't mind me

devin. 31. INFJ. western canada. ig: tdevinriley twitter/xbl/psn: lstcenturion sc: devriley

[helenvaughans]

[girlnephew]

[forlorngarden]

[thesixpennybook]

ATTENTION ALL FOLLOWERS: IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

please tell your pets hello from me

[shmeckdoesstuff]

They’re twinning haircuts

[brucesterling]

[chongoblog]

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

[enki2]

[crazy-brazilian]

[cheatsykoopa98]

[dykecostanza-deactivated2024112]

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

[hiveswap]

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

[inthesensethat-deactivated20240]

[snaxle-deactivated20260531]

today was single handedly the best day of my life. i caught a cop stealing from the store i work at

[snaxle-deactivated20260531]

literally watched him slide a candy bar into his sleeve and i literally felt like i was on top of the world. i felt like i could throw a car over my head. he walked around the store for a bit after that looking to see if we have any locally made pickles and then when he couldnt find any he was about to leave and im like ^__^ have a good night, are you going to pay for the candy bar you stole :3? and then i got to watch a grown ass pig shyly walk up to the counter to pay kinda just awkwardly laughing about it and was like "whoops forgot about it haha...." and then left without another word. this opportunity will never happen ever again. being able to tell a cop that he needs to pay for a candy bar he attempted to steal makes me feel incredibly powerful

[probuccalfat]

by the time you’re 25 you should know what substance you’re going to abuse forever

[purplephilosophergarden]

chocolate milk

[naamrata]

coke zero

[horrifically]

[bearie]

[springtwerp]

Not to steal shit from twitter but this is THE funniest possible fucking set of replies ever