Is This Tumblr Necessary? @lubetzky - Tumblr Blog

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mythicalpiranha-moved-deactivat

i foun d my old wallet in the drawer next to my bed and it had $400 in it im having a heart attack

mythicalpiranha-moved-deactivat

reblog the aquabats! wallet of good fortune & you’ll b blessed w/ good fortune

lawlessferalgay

HOLY SHIT I REBLOGGED THIS TWO DAYS AGO AND I JUST GOT A REFUND CHECK IN THE MAIL FOR 217.52!!!!

sj0

you have been visited by the seven magic dragon balls your biggest wish will be granted but only if you reblog

hersheyhipster

Couldn’t risk it.

justjengie

didn’t realize they change colors. now I know o gotta wish.

pinayputa

THIS SHIT IS REAL I GOT THE JOB I WAS NUTS ABOUT BC I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY maybe it’s a coinkidink but it okay just take the necessary steps to achieve what you’re wishing for and YOU CAN DO IT

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

I BELIEVE

lubetzky

2016

2015 wasn’t the worst year ever (2014 and 2006 hold that dubious honor), but I’m glad it’s over.

I know it’s an arbitrary date and you have to DO things to make habits stick, but I bought a new notebook on New Year’s Eve and I’m going to try to be a better person in 2016. That’s all (and possibly everything). That also includes self-care, which I’ve been sucking at for a looooooong time. Today I cleaned out the fridge and we spent too much at Wegmans, but it means I can make meals that aren’t “stick cheese between whatever carb is left in the house). Office is pulled back together. I have two bags of coffee. Plans are made for actually getting exercise that isn’t just walking to the bus and back. Plans are being made. Books are being read (basically all of Lord Peter Wimsey ever).

I refuse to let 2016 suck. I will take care of myself. I will take care of others. I will listen more. I will read more. I will be more patient, to myself and others.

And now I will go and get pizza with the Huzband, because reasons.

lubetzky

So it's been 9 months, Tumblr. A lot has happened. Let's recap. Tournament rocked. Anxiety leaves but Existential crisis set in. Visit friend to talk it out. No conclusion. Awful birthday. Went back to old therapist who remains amazing. Re-org at work. Boss fired. Crisis continues though I know what to do. Weeks of awkward conversations. Husband and I agree to separate but I agree to live in the apartment for a while. Little Seester graduates from college. I pack my bags the night I get back and flee to a friend's spare room. It's been nearly four months since. There is a cat here named Louie and we are friends. Hire lawyer. ALA and Summer Nationals. Husband stops communicating, starts talking shit at tournament but also doesn't tell fencers we are separated. Nothing for a month and a half and suddenly a moving pod appears. Lawyers now negotiating but he's leaving the state.

So everything fell apart. And I couldn't be happier. Even if today I'm exhausted from travel and waiting to hear from my lawyer. Even if I'm sleeping on a futon in a house I never saw until the day I moved in. Even if I worry about dying alone or losing everything in the divorce.

Everything fell apart and I am happy.

#pointless text post

refinery29

Stevie Wonder on accessibility for people with all kinds of bodies and abilities.

Gifs: The Grammys on CBS

kellymce-blog

[Stevie Wonder saying: You all can’t read this, huh. You can’t read Braille, nah nah nah nah nah. I just want to say, before saying the winner, we need to make every single thing accessible to every single person with a disability.]

Edna St. Vincent Millay. The Penitent. Harriet Monroe, ed. Poetry: A Magazine of Verse. 1912-22

The Penitent By Edna St. Vincent Millay From “Figs from Thistles”

I HAD a little Sorrow, Born of a little Sin, I found a room all damp with gloom And shut us all within; And, “Little Sorrow, weep,” said I, 5 “And, Little Sin, pray God to die, And I upon the floor will lie And think how bad I’ve been!” Alas for pious planning— It mattered not a whit! 10 As far as gloom went in that room, The lamp might have been lit! My little Sorrow would not weep, My little Sin would go to sleep— To save my soul I could not keep 15 My graceless mind on it! So up I got in anger, And took a book I had, And put a ribbon on my hair To please a passing lad. 20 And, “One thing there’s no getting by— I’ve been a wicked girl,” said I; “But if I can’t be sorry, why, I might as well be glad!”

#poems #poetry #edna st. vincent millay

More tracking...

Today I am failing at all of my pre-planned work goals (set out diligently at 4 pm the day before), but I’m going to tell myself that it’s okay because I’ve done other things, even if they’re not the things I wanted to do. It’s snowing but not sticking, and it’s drenching like rain. I got out of the house a little early and made the first bus. I made coffee before I left. I worked on an app for a grad certificate program (despite the website destroying itself part way through).

It’s okay. Stuff still happened and I found a good background noise site and we’ll get it tomorrow, self. Even if today we’re scattered and distracted and tired for no reason.

Tournament this weekend and I have made my peace with it. It’s going to happen and then it’s going to be the last one I have to run for a very long time. Because graduate certificate program and wanting to use my vacation days for an actual vacation.

#pointless text post

Bleached again.

Monday. Started off productive and strong and now I’m in the lunchtime slump.

NewTherapist emailed me a follow up 7 hours before this evening’s appointment, so I opted to reschedule. Yay?

#pointless text post

Sleep and Snow

Got through last week, barely. Presentation and day long meeting on T&P and liaison program meeting and a follow up and another meeting and so on. Then half day on Friday so we could go home and prep for the blizzard. I cleaned off both rain water grates on our street (amazing how quickly leaves turn into dirt) and then proceeded to stay inside for three days. I slept and read books and cooked actual food and slept and then slept some more. I am nearly back to sounding like a human and only have the occasional coughing fit. work opened on time yesterday and I just about got my sleep schedule back in order. 4 more hours and a meeting and then I get to go meet with a friend to talk about a blog post we want to write.

Changes coming to work and that’s all good. And I might go back to school this summer for a certificate at Local Library School. I might also give up tournaments for a year to accommodate this. We shall see.

Last night I got my second Stitch Fix and it was all amazing and I’m wearing the sweater they sent and I will probably never go clothes shopping again. This is exactly what I’ve needed - someone sending me perfectly fitting staples in colors I love (black and grey) and then funky pops of color. The best. Worth it.

Saturday I am bleaching my hair again (well, a paid professional I adore is doing it). I might just feel like me again.

The new therapist I’m allegedly supposed to see on Monday never confirmed the appointment via email like she said. Which is exactly what someone who is coming to you about anxiety wants to hear. So maybe that’s still happening?

4 more hours. We’ve been so productive today, self. Let’s keep going.

#pointless text post #anxiety brainz

Tournament Traditions

The night before this three day tournament, I was exhausted, shivering, and my legs ached. I survived this tournament thanks to a combo of DayQuil/NyQuil and strategic napping on the bout committee stage. It is finished. It went well - no major snafus and we mostly ran to time, except on the Hell Day, but it’s called Hell Day, so there you go. I spent yesterday sleeping (i.e., watching episode after episode of Forensic Files on Netflix while dozing). Today I have staff development day and get to give a 5 min presentation I feel super under-prepared for and yet also way over-prepared. It’s freezing out, so I drove. Tonight, I crawl back into bed and I sleep.

I’m happy that this tournament went so well. It’s the boost I need for the tournament I’m running next month (my last of the season until Nationals). It was good to see my fencing people. It was good to be in that mode where you’re all working together to accomplish something, to do it quickly and well.

Now to stare at a wall for 45 minutes until my meeting.

#pointless text post #fencing nonsense

Well...

Yesterday was a good day, full of plans with potential that I hope will be in place in February or thereabouts and has the potential for some more school. All good things, a good chat, a good lunch.

Woke up this morning to news of Alan Rickman. It’s hitting me pretty hard and I’m not sure why. I’m also coming down with a really conveniently timed cold. Three day tournament tomorrow to run, one which I had a bad cold/fever throughout. HURRAH. How they always seem like good ideas when you’re done and getting your check and going “Okay, we can run this again.”

I am resisting the siren’s call of my office couch. Lunch and then working on more documentation and then a late meeting and then home to pack and maybe a bath and then on to the tournament. Monday and my day off can’t come soon enough.

#pointless text post #anxiety brainz

lubetzky

Yesterday - kickass productive and on track and even went for a run and cooked a real meal and hurrah.

Today - dragging since the alarm went off, cramping, can’t focus, already starting to freak out about upcoming tournament.

Really, self? What happened in 24 hours? Get through this meeting and then you have the ref desk at the end of the day and you can go home and nap.

lubetzky

Called the therapist I had emailed via a site and never heard from and it sounds like I maybe woke her up, but whatever it’s done even though I have to wait until February to see her.

I just want a brainz that works. That feels like not so much to ask and everything at the same time.

Yesterday - kickass productive and on track and even went for a run and cooked a real meal and hurrah.

Today - dragging since the alarm went off, cramping, can’t focus, already starting to freak out about upcoming tournament.

Really, self? What happened in 24 hours? Get through this meeting and then you have the ref desk at the end of the day and you can go home and nap.

#anxiety brainz

Brainz

So after clearing out my closet this weekend and bookcases the weekend before, I realized I had a ton of stuff to go to Goodwill piling up. The Huzband had left me the good car and I could just pop on over there and BOOM, accomplishpants. But I hesitated for quite some time because I find the idea of driving, especially driving by myself somewhere for the first time, to be still terrifying. I have a license and a car, but nope. And this didn’t involve highways or anything - just a 20 min. drive to another part of the city. But it still felt like a risk.

I know anxietyBrainz means that I’m going to see risk in nearly anything. Sending an email to someone? RISK! Trying to get an idea down for a project? RISK! Doing my normal job? STILL KINDA RISKY THERE. Plan on working out at the gym after work? ARE YOU SURE BECAUSE WHEN ARE THE BUSES RUNNING AND PARKING IS EXPENSIVE! Risk means I hesitate or don’t do anything (because paralyzed by indecision) and then nothing gets done and time sensitive things get worse and I feel worst and BLAH.

So there are two things to do here. The first is to try to get more reasonable with Risk Assessment. This might be a self-talk thing. Research needed. And maybe I should just straight up call that therapist who never got back to me via that email form.

The second is to just Do The Things. Every drive to a new place makes the next trip easier. Every email that I just hit send on makes the next one go out a little faster. This is, in theory, the easiest one to execute. And I’m doing it. I try to be a bit braver each day, to do a little more.

Come on, self. Keep going.

#pointless text post #anxiety brainz