Lucid Dream Walker

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For the Pink haired beauty that haunts my dreams

My blood is singing your name when you cut my skin, the bruises on my legs feel like hickeys that you have left in the passion of loving me

I wish I was more brave to steal your kiss when we both still breathe instead of when we both drown in the black river

You burn my mind bright in pink and purple flames, crawling inside my mindscape, reaching out for me while I stand on the balcony, gazing down at your beauty that might burn me alive if I jump down into your embrace

I wonder if you'd ever love me back or you're just burning yourself into my mindscape without knowing

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I woke up in my room, black and white like in my void, the black lightbulb hung where the normal chandelier should've been, outside I heard loud bangs as if someone was firing fireworks but instead of bright pretty colors in the sky I saw fire on the grass, pink and purple, spreading slowly, swallowing the black grass and buildings, crawling towards my balcony, reaching out for me

I wanted to jump in but at the last moment I ran towards the closest door to wake up, perhaps I would've woken up faster if I jumped into the fire but I got scared

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My mind is calm now, I can work properly but they're still in my thoughts, especially when I'm trying to focus on my void, they give my void a bit of color with their pink hair

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I wonder what they would think of me if they found these

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My head feels like a loud mess, I can't focus on anything, not on writing, not on drawing, not on listening to music

All I can do properly is sleep

Walk around in my void till I find another door

Lie on the black grass only to see my body get covered in more wounds

And during all of this, the pink haired beauty is still in my messy head, smiling at me just like when we both drowned in my dream

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I think I'm starting to get more wounds as dreams go on and I keep thinking about them

In my void I was laying on the black grass, my long hair was soaked, my arms were covered in cuts and this time I also had bruises on my legs, at first I didn't notice them but when the black lightbulb flickered, the bright light showed my sickly skin, my thighs looked like I was beaten by someone, large purple, blue and grey bruises, they looked painful yet I didn't feel anything

I just stared at them, tracing the patterns before in the corner of my eye I caught the glimpse of the nearest door, got up and walked through them to wake up

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I had a dream about them again

We were at a lake, it was late, sun was setting, the whole world was in black and white except for them, their hair was pink, eyes were brown

They were smiling at me as we slowly walked towards the water, it felt cold but we kept going, I held their hands gently while pulling them with me, we were not saying anything, we were just staring at each other while going deeper into the water

When we submerged, they pulled me into a kiss, I was never kissed before in my life but that felt strangely nice

I woke up with a jolt and with a feeling like I stopped breathing for a moment, I died this time

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I had a dream filled with more color today! Though I wouldn't call it a dream more like a nightmare...

I woke up in my room, first thing I heard was buzzing right next to my ear, then I heard my brothers complain about insects flying around, then I opened my eyes and there were flies everywhere, on my desk, on the wall, even on my bed

Just before I got to get up or scream, fell down through the door and woke up feeling scared and sick

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Today's dream was really... Something... I really hope they won't find this or at least they won't realize it's me who's writing this

I had a different type of dream, I wasn't in my void this time, I was in a room, everything was in black and drawn in white but it was a room, a simple room with a bed where I lied on with my torso exposed, near the bed were bandages, a bottle of hydrogen dioxide and other basic medical supplies

Warning: Mentions for and dark topics that others mind find disturbing

Above me was a person with pinkish blonde hair, they were holding a pocket knife, holding my arm and dragging a blade till lines of red begun to appear, like when I draw on black paper only this color was dark red and I felt the pain, I even winced a little at the first cut but I didn't fight back, I told them to keep going till they feel better, there was a lot of red, I even begun to feel a little dizzy, they asked me if I was okay and I nodded my head yes

When they were done, I kissed their forehead and they kissed my red, dripping arm, the dream ended when I left the room through the door, I was on my way to bandage myself

I never thought I'd dream about someone this way, let alone a person I started to wonder if I like them more than just a friend

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It's raining outside tonight

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The drawing of the black lightbulb from my last dream

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I did a little experiment in my dream

For a while now I was curious about the black lightbulb that hung in my void, I wondered what would happen if I destroyed it or tried to damage it in some way

So the moment I got into my void I stared up at the lightbulb and focused on it as hard as I could, it cracked and I woke up with a gasp and a pounding heart like I had a nightmare

I guess I'm not suppoused to do that

[lucid-dream-walker-diary]

I had a dream about tarot cards

I was sitting at the table on the black grass, the black lightbulb was casting the darkness all around me except at the table and the wooden tarot cards right in front of me

I can't remember the details but for some reason right before I fell through the door beneath me I remember focusing on the moon and the tower cards the most, I know there was a third one but I can't remember what it was...

Anyone who knows how to read tarot could tell me what that meant? I'm curious

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It's so weird seeing people being happy on father's day when I feel nothing... Well it's a lie, I feel happy that he's not here, I don't have to give him anything just like he never gave anything to me aside from... Yeah I'm not doing anything on father's day, I'll just go to sleep

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I think my realities mixed together for a moment, I had a dream where I was laying in my bed, warm and comfortable, I didn't feel like getting up before I heard a really loud knock to the door that made me wake up again...

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How strange... I've been sleeping almost all day, my body feels sore and I feel like going back to sleep again, perhaps because I bearly ate anything today...

In one of my dreams I had the chance to see myself in the mirror or rather see a reflection from the puddle of water, I couldn't see myself, only the white outline of my eyes

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I feel sick today... Must be the heat, I won't be going out anywhere... I might as well sleep all day...