welcome to my horti

i love cherries and eels. and my brother. and also sulla. pompey and clodius dni (unless you want to face my disdain)

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

one time sulla told me to believe in my dreams, to which i responded that last night i had seen a dream where him and me were making out and having passionate sex for hours. needless to say, his advice was of much use.

[tomorrowillbeyou]

continuously tormented by the eel

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

it's a common misconception that my moral compass is always pointing in the direction of sulla. the thing is, it actually does, but not because i follow sulla mindlessly. he just so happens to always be absolutely justified in everything he does

[luciuscorneliussulla]

i'm sulla and i love war

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

i am lucullus and i love sulla's war. and you🫵should too. his war is literally just and noble

[pompeiusmagnus]

hi I'm pomey

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

hi pomey how is your head doing ❓

[consulships]

im sulla and i love war

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

im lucullus and i love sulla

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

me and sulla used to go on dates all around rome. he'd always say "here i put up the proscription lists", "here i slaughtered my colline gate captives", "and here i put up all my enemies' heads". he was telling me all this because he wanted for me to feel included, since i missed out on his dictatorship. he was so kind and considerate, my lucius...

[mamercus]

consulshirp for me???

[metelluspius]

no

[mamercus]

everybody hate me and want me slipped over on the steps of the basilica aemilia sobbing and slopping and all my coins falling out

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

yes. next question

[mamercus]

next question. couild a luminous mamercus be the next sulla-shrivelled princeps senatus

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

not really. he could be a shriveled lamp in the curia corner, though, if he prides himself on his luminosity this much :-)

[mamercus]

consulshirp for me???

[metelluspius]

no

[mamercus]

everybody hate me and want me slipped over on the steps of the basilica aemilia sobbing and slopping and all my coins falling out

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

yes. next question

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

the only thing good about marius was his house. which i have purchased for the low low price of ten william sesterces

[metelluspius]

pass me one nore memory of my beloved sulla im not driving

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

high on sulla memories driving the republic into the wall because i don't care anymore

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

wha was life before sulla

haha, i would say that it was rather infelix!

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

they named an apple after me

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

help. they're making a cross section of me

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

hello Lucullus Lucius Lucius did your life have as many Ls in it as your name

my political life - yes, perhaps, even though most of those "L's", as you put it, were owed to ungrateful and incompetent people, but my current life is a delight, and the only "L's" left in it are my dear brother varro LucuLLus and my dear freedman caLListhenes :-)

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

haha, i indeed was related to him by marriage. you could even say i was married to him

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

they named an apple after me

[metelluspius]

They didnt eat me

[lucius-licinius-lucullus]

have you been tasty, i wouldn't mind taking a bite... but you're one yucky cousin! :(