comprehensive guide to the babies at work:
gerber baby: 13 months, 25 lbs. technically shouldn't be in the infant room but he can't walk and doesn't have teeth and has only been off breast milk for two weeks. okay whatever. insanely cute, he has glasses that he never wears normally. genuinely looks like the gerber baby
megababy: 11 months, 27 lbs. the biggest baby you've ever seen. when i hold him so his head is next to mine, his legs reach my upper thigh. long fucking guy. has learned how to throw things. likes kissing other babies. mean as hell.
mean girl: 9 months, 17 lbs. occasionally i call her regina or my blue eyed white baby. has the most defined eyebrows i've ever seen. she's not actually that mean, just judgy. we had to move her crib to the back because she was staring at us while we walked around the room and it freaked us out.
egg boy: 9 months, 14 lbs. bald as hell. i mean BALD. spits up an insane amount (we've been giving him 5tsps of oatmeal cereal for 5oz of milk. that's like a 1:5 ratio) also does a very joker ass smile when you smile at him. his dad is a critical role fan and a total fucking nerd.
mouth noises: 9 months, 16 lbs. also called princess. her mom puts her in really cute outfits that get ruined, and gives her adorable hair bows that immediately get pulled out. trills her tongue when she cries. it's really funny to me but pisses everyone else off.
mini-me: 7 months, 15 lbs. he looks so much like i did when i was a baby. like it's unreal. he also likes me the most out of any of the teachers and gets excited when i walk in and cries if im not in eyesight when he wakes up. he's the reason i want babies and the reason my coworker wants to quit.
mini frog: 4 months, 13 lbs. the proportions on this one... huge head, tiny body, massive thighs. she looks so much like her mom (who works with me) that i regularly forget which one is named what. very judgy expressions, doesn't like when people hold her unless she's allowed to chew on their hands.
microbaby: 3 months, 9 lbs. fucking tiny little thing. hates when there's no one directly in her line of sight. even if she can hear us or if we're in her peripheral - if we're not DIRECTLY in front of her she goes ballistic. not much else to say.