one and lonely

Lucy Rose Evans | 18 | Freshman at NYU for microbiology | the fragile Capricorn

[lucyroseevans]

a moodboard for Lucy’s mental breakdown

[lucyroseevans]

Lucy and Mags, Lags? 

[lucyroseevans]

lizardlarson:

Sounds like you’re speaking from experience. I mean, sex can be enjoyable, it can also be a chore and a pain in the ass. Cheating isn’t something I’ve ever taken part in so I can’t really say why but I would guess there’s a thrill aspect to it. That whole not getting caught thing is a turn on for some people. Then there’s relationships where people just aren’t happy and they can’t see a way out so they cheat cos it’s the only form of happiness they’ll get. Then of course there’s the people that cheat just because they’re assholes at the end of the day. There’s a beauty to being naked with someone though. You don’t have to have sex but you can be naked with them. To be that vulnerable and exposed in the literal sense…there’s an element of freedom in that, sometimes even self discovery. Would now be a bad time to tell you that the human condition is confusing, messy and emotional? Don’t get me wrong, self-gratification is great but sometimes it’s far more satisfying having someone else do the work for you, it’s even more satisfying knowing that you’re the one that get that person to react a certain way to your touch. Damn…now you’re making me miss sex and I so do not have the inclination to go trolling some bar or swiping through tinder or whatever. 

I guess I kind of am. I never had sex myself, I don’t plan on it. I’ve just seen how it can be used as a weapon and it further my disinterest in it. I don’t understand how hurting the people you’re supposed to love the mist can be a turn on whatsoever even if there’s the “thrill of being caught”, go fuck your partner out in public if you want to take that risk, don’t hurt someone else for your own selfish gain. I don’t think you can ever be certain that your partner isn’t cheating on you, not unless you’re with them 24/7.

[lucyroseevans]

lizardlarson:

That’s a fair point. Addiction is a bitch that way. Everyone is addicted to something on some level, it’s just that the vast majority can manage their addiction so we don’t consider it a disease, but the second someone can’t manage their addiction, it’s a disease that’s all consuming. Now, I’m having serious thoughts about addicts and the harsh ways they are treated for something that is out of their control. Sleeping around is overrated. Quick disclaimer, I make that statement as someone who has never slept around so it’s a biased statement. I don’t get the desire to sleep around anyway, seems like a lot of effort and risk. What’s wrong with picking one girl and just building something with her? Or guy, or person, whatever you’re into to.

Yeah... Addiction is a bitch and I agree, everyone is addicted to something. It just depends on the degree. But, I just don’t understand sex, why people do it, why people use it to cheat on other people, I don’t understand why people can’t get close to another person without seeing them naked, it all just doesn’t make sense to me. Sex is confusing, messy, emotional and I’m better off without it. I’ll just stick to my hands when I need to get off. 

[lucyroseevans]

lizardlarson:

I think it’d be a perfect reality for a lot of people out there. Except maybe for sex addicts because then they’d have no release for their addiction. But would they have the addiction to begin with if they lacked the capacity for our current societies definition of what is classes as sex?

Maybe? I think if sex wasn’t a thing to begin with they probably wouldn’t have ever devolped sex addictions, but there probably would be something else to replace sex which sucks. I could live without the peer pressure to sleep around. 

[lucyroseevans]

lizardlarson:

Can you imagine what life would be like if we lived in a world where humans basically had the anatomy of a Ken doll? Think about it! No genitals! No monthly visits or awkward boners. It’d be perfect if you were ACE cos the need for sex would be non-existent. Reproduction could be interesting though, unless…

That would be a perfect reality for me.

[lucyroseevans]

victakespics:

I doubt it will… but like, y’know, if it does? You get up and keep going… eventually.

It will, it always does. I finished my summer classes a couple of weeks ago and they ended fine, but once I’m back in class full time with everyone the other foot will drop... I just know it will...

[lucyroseevans]

Text | Lom

Tom: You're my ONLY cousin...

Tom: Also, it's called being an adult, time to hang out it very limited, and occasionally taken by gorgeous men willing to take my picture and give me attention.

Tom: Though I SUPPOSE we can plan something, if you'd like?

Lucy: Then by default I'm your favorite cousin.

Lucy: I don't ever want to be an adult. It seems too stressful and more dramatic than being a teenager.

Lucy: I would really like that. When are you free?

[lucyroseevans]

Text | Lom

Tom: I do 8 shows a week and when I'm not doing a show I'm looking for a better opportunity?

Lucy: That's no excuse to not come hang out with your favorite little cousin.

[lucyroseevans]

Text | Lom? Tucy?

Lucy: Hey loser.

Lucy: How come I've barely seen you since you moved to New York?

[lucyroseevans]

This is weird... School is going good, I’m making friends with my classmates, nothing’s really wrong. Now I’m just waiting for the other foot to drop. 

[lucyroseevans]

lightscameraquinn:

lucyroseevans:

I think we’re both lucky to have our moms in our corners…. Even if it doesn’t feel that way all of the time.

Private: 

You’re not my only parent and when I was younger, when things started with all of the bullying, dad wasn’t as busy as you and he could’ve stepped up. Either way, it was really the school’s fault. They let everything get way out of hand… I don’t know. It’s weird. I like Jayne a lot, but I don’t understand why she’s with my dad. Honestly, I wish I had time before you and dad started seeing other people to accept that you two are getting a divorce.

Yeah, I suppose.

Private:

Still, doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad about it. Maybe you should ask her? I mean, you might be surprised. I can understand that and if it’s any consolation, Santana and I haven’t entirely put a label on things. I mean, I’m pretty sure we’re something, but what is a grey area…

Private:

You shouldn’t feel bad for it, it’s okay I guess. Honestly, I don’t want to ask Jayne nor do I care enough to ask Jayne. It just sucks that he’s dating her and that he didn’t even tell me and I had to find out from other people. That really bothered me, like more than I’d like to admit. When you and Santana define whatever you two are can you please tell me? It’ll be a lot easier for me if I just hear it from you instead of someone else.

[lucyroseevans]

vjaynesinclair:

See, what did I tell you?

You were right.... Maybe science isn’t my thing..

[lucyroseevans]

tomwiththepretentiousname:

Law?

Yeah, law. It’s crazy... Right? I’m the S.T.E.M queen and I’m thinking about switching to law. I had two days worth of classes so far and it’s really interesting.... I don’t know... I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I really like this.

[lucyroseevans]

sableac:

Well that is one hell of a difference.

It is. Microbio is left side of the brain and law is right. They’re really different and maybe that’s what I need?

[lucyroseevans]

lightscameraquinn:

I’m lucky I have my mom in my corner still. And there are days I think I don’t. Just don’t tell your grandma I think that, it’s a long story.

Private:

Hey, whatever works for you, Luce. I’m sorry to hear that, baby girl. I wish I could do something to stop it, to make it better and maybe I should have done more when you were younger. I think I got so swept up in my career that I stopped putting family first sometimes. How’re you adjusting to Jayne and your dad definitely being a public thing now? 

I think we’re both lucky to have our moms in our corners.... Even if it doesn’t feel that way all of the time.

Private: 

You’re not my only parent and when I was younger, when things started with all of the bullying, dad wasn’t as busy as you and he could’ve stepped up. Either way, it was really the school’s fault. They let everything get way out of hand... I don’t know. It’s weird. I like Jayne a lot, but I don’t understand why she’s with my dad. Honestly, I wish I had time before you and dad started seeing other people to accept that you two are getting a divorce.

[lucyroseevans]

lightscameraquinn:

The extent to which you take after me certainly doesn’t help matters, that’s for sure. She’s not and people have been telling me that for years, but I missed her and I thought I could get it to work, but some people refuse to change and that’s something I need to accept.

Well then… I mean, you’re obviously still in one piece and you’re not pregnant, and your hair is still blonde, so… could be worse. Like, I feel like I should be mad, but I can’t really do anything about it now. You okay, though? I mean, you’d tell me if something was bothering you, yeah?

It’s hard to accept that. I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel, but your sister should always be in your corner and yours isn’t and that sucks.

Private:

Yeah, I’m definitely not pregnant. I’ve never had sex, I’m not sure I sure I even ever want to have sex. Anyway... I guess I’m okay... I don’t know. This year was really hard and I don’t really have many friends so... It’s just hard. I didn’t think the bullying would follow me to college.