fly like a phoenix

"D O N ' T look back. You're N O T going that w a y." lucille 'lucy' wang. thirty. fbi agent.

[dexxward-deactivated20161202]

As of late, aspects of their secret arrangements seemed to be changing. Whether that was because certain feelings were developing, or because they spent more time wrapped in each other’s arms than with different strangers each time, he wasn’t entirely sure. The only thing Dex was certain of, was that he was glad she had reached out to him, glad that she had invited him over. When she moved to her bed, he stole a brief moment to peer down at her, to take in her beauty before he was dropping down on top of her. A chuckle passed through his lips when he felt her hands tug at his shirt, his own easily moving to lift it off his torso, tossing it off somewhere to the floor. His hands returned to her body, slowly moving over the exposed flesh as he moved his lips against her own, a soft groan slipping out as her teeth caught his lower.

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy knew that they were being animalistic, going straight to sex without even talking to each other but in a way, she felt like she needed this. She needed to not talk with Dex, to just feel that familiar tug she had to him without having to think too much. She gave way to all her urges and knew that she’d have to deal with them eventually, but not now. She was thankful that he seemed to feel the same way. Lucy released some of the tension when she heard his chuckle and it was such a homely sound that Lucy actually felt her actions slowly down slightly. She ran her hands down his chest and stomach as she kissed him back before feeling slightly adventurous and turning them over so that she was straddling his waist. She unhooked her bra and let it fall to the floor so that the only thing separating them now were their underwear. She leaned down to press kisses down his neck and his chest and kept her eyes on him as she moved off him and kept moving her lips down his stomach, only stopping when she was faced with his briefs. Lucy showed him a smirk as she slowly took them off and raised her eyebrows at him. “Excited to see me?” It was funny that those were the first words she said to him since he came over but not wanting to think too much about it, Lucy leaned forward and took his cock into her mouth.

[dexxward-deactivated20161202]

The urgency that came with her actions sparked curiosity in his mind, brought on questions that he wanted to ask her, but he held off. He knew that now was not the time for questions, that he needed to give into this animalistic behavior that seemed so common between them. His hands remained on her hips as she steered them to her bedroom, somewhere that he’d been less times than the hotel rooms that they frequented. The gang could not know of their meetings, could not know that he was secretly hooking up with a FBI agent, or that he was a law enforcement agent himself. He allowed her this time to forget what had happened between them, allowed her to do as she pleased with little argument from him. Hands trailed across her torso when her shirt was removed, fingers ghosting over the exposed flesh. With the zipper down on his jeans, he moved his hands to push them down before steering them towards the bed, his lips moving against her own.

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Later. It was an excuse, she knew, but Lucy knew that she would just deal with everything later. As of right now, all she wanted to do was lose herself in Dex, to feel his familiar build around her own and just turn off her thoughts for a moment. She knew that she could’ve just hooked up with some random stranger at a bar but for some reason she was reluctant to admit, she wanted him. Perhaps it was because she missed him, or perhaps it was just because she didn’t want things to end, or maybe it was just because she knew that he knew what she liked, but regardless, she was happy that he was here. She knew there will be questions later but for right now, she just wanted him and nothing else. Lucy bit down on her lower lip when she felt his hands on her skin and she pulled her own shorts off before lying down on the bed and pulling Dex up on top of her. Her hands went to the ends of his shirt, gesturing that she wanted him to take it off while her lips were still on his, her tongue raking over his lower lip teasingly.

[unconventionaljoe-deactivated20]

The familiarity of it all was a relief. He had a hand on a kettle when she pulled him in, to which Lukasz quickly loosened his grip and let the pot sit on the counter. He fluttered his eyes shut into the kiss, warm arms cradling the small of Lucy’s waist in between soft pecks. With the parting of lips, he pressed his forehead against hers and blinked slowly into chocolate brown eyes. “I’m okay.”

And he was, largely so. He had more trouble dealing with socializing than he did in the face of death, a thought that quickly became more amusing than it was depressing. “Are you okay?” It occurred to Lukasz that Lucy had been the one to search him out, and though he knew that she cared for him, knew that she looked out for him in a manner that wasn’t even remotely condescending, there was a chance that she herself, was shaken up. 

Maybe she’d reached out for help. Lukasz frowned at the thought. “I– you were at the masquerade too, right?” He hadn’t seen her even though they exchanged messages about it.

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy was thankful that she met Lukasz, and she knew she should show that more often. He just made her feel calmer and there was something so comforting knowing that she had found a good friend in him, a friend that she could talk to and kiss and have sex with from time to time and they met only about a month or so ago but she was already so comfortable with him. You trust him, a voice piped up in her head and Lucy was surprised to agree. It usually took her a long time to start trusting someone but it was just so easy when it came to Lukasz. 

Lucy looked into those eyes and allowed his presence to comfort her, his warmth spreading all over her making her sigh, releasing the tension she had. “That’s really good to hear.” She murmured. She didn’t want to feel vulnerable again, because she already showed that with Dex and she wasn’t really eager to make that happen again. Being vulnerable just wasn’t something Lucy wanted to be. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I was.” Lucy gulped at the memories of that night and she was glad that Lukasz didn’t ask her immediately how she was doing because the answer to that was that she was dealing with the shitshow in the worst way possible - by doubting herself and what she could do, and also just downright avoiding it at times. “Not what you’d expect from a night like that, right?” Her voice was low before sighing.

[dexxward-deactivated20161202]

If there was anything the last few days had taught Dex, it was that he and Lucy were more alike than he had originally thought. Opening up, expressing feelings that should be kept locked away; it was not like them. It wasn’t something that either of them were used to, nor something that they particularly liked. When there came no usual text on his phone, no typical secret meeting at one of the more hole in the wall bars, Dex knew that Lucy was attempting to avoid him. It was a tactic he so often used when he was getting to close to another. Yet it came as a shock when she suddenly reached out to him, when she invited him over to her home. He attempted to agree nonchalantly, but he was eager to see her again. So he barely argued when she opened the door to pull him in, pressing her lips instantly against his own. His hands just as quickly found her hips, leading them further into the house.

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy didn’t want to admit it but she was just really scared. Opening up meant that feelings would start to pour in, or that he would start to see her differently and she just didn’t want that. She didn’t want to mess up the good thing they already had going on but she also knew that she was just much more closed off than she already let on and sex was just the way Lucy dealt with things. It’s been how she handled things for years now and it never seemed to be a bad idea. She was grateful when he didn’t ask her any questions and she pulled away from the kiss only to open the door to her bedroom and pull him inside. For once, she didn’t want them to talk. She just wanted to remind herself that he was still here, that they weren’t broken or that she hadn’t messed up, that she hadn’t been vulnerable, that she hadn’t given him access to see her as anything other than tough. Lucy pulled her shirt over her head before unzipping his jeans, her lips crashing onto his almost desperately. 

[drwebber]

It had crossed his mind on numerous occasions, that this was something of a massive improvement upon what would otherwise be a night alone. He would have truly been alone; none of his strays were around to keep him company, it would have been like any other night - dull, and would likely end with him staring at a wall until it was time to get ‘up’. With Lucy in that moment; their lips colliding, bodies pressed together Julian seemed to lose all grasp on the concept of time. The future certainly seemed meaningless, and the past few years ( the time without her ) had lost all meaning too. Once again a familiar, tingling shot down his spine - her moan had summoned it forth, quiet though the utterance had been. His gaze met hers; and it held steady for there was nothing else in their vicinity worth looking at. He wouldn’t ever admit it, but he was partly afraid if he blinked, or looked away that she would disappear. Julian almost replied; repeating her words back to her was his plan… Thankfully it was destroyed, once again by a kiss. He sank into it immediately, fingers curling in her hair, strands caught between digits. His lips parted just slightly, teeth daring to scrape - to ghost - over her bottom lip.

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

A part of her was screaming to stop, because this was just going to complicate things even more She had gone to that bar to get herself drunk and have completely hot drunken sex with a stranger but instead she had been faced with seeing Julian, a guy who had made her so happy and made her feel so loved and she had shared things with him she really didn’t want anybody else to find out. Having him here, kissing him, it just reminded Lucy of how she self-sabotaged that relationship years ago, believing that he deserved so much better than her. Even until now, that was still a thought in her head. No matter how loud that part of her was screaming, though, a larger part of her didn’t want to stop. She didn’t want to stop feeling those familiar lips on hers, to have him hold her and touch her just like he did, just like he knew she wanted it. Lucy’s arms moved back up to around his neck, one hand playing with the ends of his hair. She appreciated him deepening the kiss which was why she found her tongue tentatively reaching out, seeking permission from him to grant her access. Lucy was pressed up against him and she wondered just how easy it would be to push him down on the bed right now. 

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy had invited Dex over after avoiding him for the past few days because she just wasn’t used to opening up to people like that. Even though what she opened up about was her job and not much else, it still made her feel much more vulnerable than she liked to be and that was why Lucy invited him over. She wanted them to move past that, to not dwell on all these lingering feelings that Lucy didn’t expect in the first place and just go back to having that easy going, flirtatious relationship they already had going on. That was why as soon as Lucy opened the door to find him there, she pulled him in immediately for a kiss. There was nothing like a kiss to bring them back to what their relationship had been before, all sneaking around and the secrecy and the flirtatious and playful banter. She pressed her lips up against his, almost urgently as she tugged him inside of her place and kicked the door close behind him.

@dexxward

[drwebber]

For once, Julian allowed himself to be comforted by words. There was still a large part of him that disagreed; still a voice screaming that this was an awful thing to do, that it made him an awful, selfish person but he managed to push it aside entirely. It was not at all difficult to get lost in Lucy. His heart pounded in his ears; as she moved closer he could feel hers too… thumping as if trying to escape; it occurred to him several moments that their hearts were very nearly in sync. His fingers tangled gently in her hair, and he instinctively moved closer the second her hands moved to his shirt; Julian knew exactly what she wanted. As cheesy as the thought was; that precise moment frozen would have left the doctor entirely untroubled for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be the case - but even despite the biological need to breathe properly, he remained close. There was absolutely no way any force of any strength could pull him even as little as a millimetre away from Lucille. He lifted his free hand, brushing strands of hair behind her ear, fingers caressing her cheek. “I missed you.”

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy found that though she had wanted nothing more than a hook up for tonight, being here with Julian and actually kissing him again was so much better. She wasn’t exactly sure how she’d react to it tomorrow morning but for now, she was just going to enjoy this. She was slowly sobering up, especially in a situation that involved kissing the last person she actually loved, but she could still fall back on her being drunk as an excuse in case she ever needed it. It looked like she didn’t need it, though, since, if from the way he was kissing her was any indication, he was enjoying this just as much as she was. Lucy couldn’t help but let out a soft moan at the intimacy, at the familiarity, at the trust that she still had for this man and for one perfect moment, she pretended that they were still together. A moment where they didn’t have anything but themselves to worry about. She reluctantly opened her eyes and she knew that those words meant so much more coming from him. “I really missed you too, Julian,” Lucy whispered before pulling him back in for a kiss, wanting him, craving that intimacy she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in awhile. 

[drwebber]

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. That’s an absolute promise.” He assured, words soft - as if he were afraid to say them out loud. They felt almost damning; the voice in his head seemed to all of a sudden find great pleasure in ensuring that he knew that they were damning, that they were destined to repeat the vicious cycle regardless of any effort. Despite that, Julian forced himself to remain in the moment and it was needless to say that her arms around his neck was entirely successful in helping him reach that goal. Once again his hands returned to her waist, a thumb stroking slowly up and down her side. “… Exactly. When you’re not drunk, so I know you won’t regret it… or forget it ever happened, even. I need to know that it’s what every part of you wants, not just a drunk version.” It was said that the drunk version was always the most honest, and that may have been true, but Julian wanted to be sure it was what Lucy needed, that it wouldn’t drive her away or something else entirely. The second her lips left his once again, the doctor offered a slight nod and forced his eyes open. “It was more than okay, way more…” He trailed off quietly, gaze flickering to her lips once again; Jules closed the space in between them slowly, returning the gesture for a much longer amount of time. Slowly, a hand removed from her waist, placing instead at the back of her head and cradling gently.

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy knew that if she was sober, she wouldn’t even be having this conversation. If anything, they’d have either ran away from each other by now or already have their clothes off. She knew that Julian was a man of his word and she knew that she shouldn’t be thinking so much about it but being here with him just made her want to do everything with him again. When they broke up, it wasn’t exactly easy to just switch off her feelings for him. If anything, they were still there, even though she wouldn’t admit that. Not to him, not to anyone else, because it was just better this way, or at least that’s what she thought. “Every part of me definitely wants this... and I mean every part of me,” Lucy murmured with a smirk, the innuendo in her words making her laugh airily. When was the last time she actually laughed since the shooting? All Lucy wanted that night was to have a break from her thoughts and the only thing that seemed effective when it came to that was when Julian had his lips on her. He was kissing her. Julian was actually kissing her and though she wanted to stop thinking, Lucy couldn’t help but notice how hard her heart was thudding in her chest as she kissed him back gently. Her hands removed themselves from around his neck until they were holding onto the front of his shirt, pulling him closer towards her, her lips moving effortlessly with his. He was familiar and for a moment, it felt like nothing changed between them.

[drwebber]

Her smile was met with a laugh, and for a moment Julian found himself feeling borderline giddy. It was a nice feeling in itself but he knew it would be short lived, and true to his thoughts it really was. There was a lot to think about in the current situation; Lucy didn’t seem to want to think much at all, though that was likely a lot easier for her given her inebriated state. He was almost jealous he hadn’t had a few ( or ten ) more drinks. It would have made things easier presently, though likely more difficult later on. The doctor chuckled softly, resting his cheek upon her head for a long moment; he wondered if exhaustion as an excuse would be enough to deter her advances… even if they were exactly what he wanted, what he’d missed all their time apart. He stepped back at her question, taking both of her hands in his own. “Of course I do, Lucy. I always have, and at this point we’re definitely safe to say I always will, but… you understand that this is complicated, I know you do. And this; right now… won’t make it any less so.” Leaning forward once more, Jul pressed his forehead to hers, breathing slow. “We shouldn’t do this, not when you’re drunk.”

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

It was no secret by now that Lucy was definitely interested in taking this to the next level, to get under those covers with him, even in her state. Scratch that, especially in this state. It left her feeling slightly frustrated knowing that Julian probably wouldn’t go for it because that was just the kind of man that he is. That was one of the reasons why it had been so easy for her to fall in love with him, and why it was so hard for her to let him go even though she knew it was the right decision. “Are you sure? Because I really want this. I want you,” Lucy murmured. She wasn’t sure if that was going to make a difference, but regardless, she wrapped her arms around his neck and let out a soft sigh. “So we’ll do this when I’m not drunk then?” Lucy asked with a giggle, not wanting to pull away from him. Instead, she closed her eyes and leaned closer until her lips were touching his. She wasn’t sure if that was considered a kiss but she pulled back immediately, needing reassurance that that wouldn’t fuck everything up. She had a talent for doing just that, after all. “Was that okay?” She whispered. 

[drwebber]

Julian found himself all but frozen to the spot for a moment; there was a very strong sense of uncertainty hanging in the air and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was just a result of his mind, or if Lucy wasn’t really sure what would happen either. Naturally, the latter would be much more comforting, but he couldn’t help but think it was likely it was all down to him. She was drunk, after all - that tended to offer confidence. He swallowed thickly, hands at his side for a long ( and incredibly awkward moment ) before he managed to pluck up the courage to place them gently upon her waist. A shiver ran down his spine, hazel eyes drew slowly to a close as he leaned in, all but gathering her into his arms and holding her close to his chest. “Oh, I can see you’re excited. My eyes still work… to an extent, anyway.” He chuckled quietly, tilting his head to rest his chin lightly atop hers. “You’re drunk, though. It’s not exactly right, or fair. On you, you might not even remember this tomorrow.”

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy showed him a small triumphant smile when she felt his hands on her, even though it brought back so much more memories than she expected. She couldn’t understand why just one touch was enough to bring back a flood of memories, but it just made her look up at him a little more softly. She could still remember how it all felt being wrapped up in his arms and Lucy knew that there was a difference between platonic love and romantic love and the last time she had felt so romantically loved was when she had been with him. It was a time she wanted so badly to forget since it hurt to remember that it was gone and she wouldn’t ever be getting it back. “Getting old, Julian?” Lucy teased him before letting out a soft sigh. “But I want you.” It was almost a whine as the words left her lips and she pulled away so she could look up at him with a pout. “Don’t you want me?” She asked, even though she had been so confident about the answer to that a few minutes ago.

[drwebber]

There was a strange feeling settling in his stomach; in a way it was familiar, but also something entirely new. It was the way Lucy had always made him feel - a happy sort of nervous, mixed with something that was the polar opposite; something that could remarkably easily turn into regret. He didn’t know what they were going to do inside, there was no way to predict it or the consequences of it but Julian very much wished there was. He wanted to avoid further heartbreak. They had hurt each other enough by separating the first time, there was nothing to say they wouldn’t find another lame excuse again. A vicious cycle wasn’t something either of them needed to be trapped in. He followed her to the door a few moments, wallet slipping back into the pockets of his jeans with returned keys soon to follow. Without thinking, the doctor took her hand once again - telling himself that it was to make the move through the house to the bedroom easier, but perfectly aware that it was because he’d missed the feeling of her hand in his. Missed her, in general. Julian was glad his bed usually remained unused; it meant it looked like it had just been made. “Do you want something to drink? I don’t have much in the way of alcohol, but that might be for the best… You could do with a glass of water.”

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy eyed their hands for a moment, unsure how to show what she felt because there were such conflicting feelings. On one hand, she was really happy about being here with Julian and just generally spending time with him but on the other hand, she knew that this would most likely end up in disaster. It didn’t help that she was definitely really drunk and she could deal with whatever happens tomorrow, but she just didn’t really want to think about it too much right now. That was why Lucy allowed a smirk to form on her lips as she eyed his bed. The things they could do on this bed, she thought, as she turned towards him. “I could do with you,” Lucy murmured, stepping closer towards him until her chest was pressed up against his. Her lips were moving up from his neck to his jaw until she rested it against his cheek, unsure as to how he wanted to play out the night. “I’m fine. I’m fine, no need to give me water. I’m just very... excited.”

[drwebber]

Julian had fully expected to trawl home alone - that was how he’d spent every night he went to a bar since returning to Fairford. In the beginning there had been the gang, their numerous goings on kept him very busy but since joining the private practice, things had slowed down. There was near enough nothing to do at work; that meant spending time alone with his thoughts and that, the doctor had come to know very quickly, was a very bad situation to be in. Finding Lucy that night was a positive on numerous accounts; particularly that he wouldn’t be alone ( neither would she, ) and he got to see the woman he loved, the woman he’d always loved, again. “Well, I’m glad.” He responded simply, tone light as he dared to lift his head; to glance at Lucy from the side momentarily. “You don’t have to thank me, Luce.” His breath caught; Julian could only hope it wasn’t a noticeable reaction, as her lips brushed his cheek. Turning away with a breath, he diverted his attention to the window for the remaining minute or so of the drive. “… Yeah, come on.” He reached for the handle, opening the door and squeezing her hand simultaneously. A hand tucked into his pocket momentarily, he produced his keys and handed them over. “I’m going to pay the driver; go ahead.”

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

If this was any other situation, if she wasn’t drunk, if she didn’t crave someone’s company tonight, Lucy would have been running away immediately. That wasn’t because she didn’t want to be around Julian. It was the fact that she really wanted to be that was the issue here because they were no longer together. They broke up because she said that she wanted to put her work first but there was an even deeper reason behind it and that was that she believed he deserved so much better than her. He deserved to have someone who wasn’t so damaged, so broken. “I do have to thank you, actually, especially since you’re going to be giving me a good time tonight,” Lucy murmured, smirking at him. She wasn’t really sure what was in store for the both of them but she knew that it would be better since she was drunk enough to enjoy it. She grabbed the keys and nodded her head at his words before clumsily making her way to the door. It was obvious that Lucy was very unsteady so she grasped the handle tightly, needing it to remind her to stop tripping all over herself. It took her a few tries but eventually the key slid into the hole and she opened the door. Lucy showed Julian a goofy smile before handing him the keys. “Bedroom?”

[drwebber]

He was more than glad to see her smile; the last time they had seen each other, the air had been quite the opposite. There was a cloud hanging over them that weighed about as much as an anvil; Julian could still feel its presence even now - though it had become less noticeable within the past few minutes. As always, Lucille’s smile brought forth an upward twitch of his lips. The doctor allowed himself to be tugged into the street, wary of how much Lucy had had to drink in order to make sure that she didn’t fall. She wouldn’t, not with him around, but it was something grounding to focus on instead of allowing his thoughts to fly away. It wasn’t something that happened; his thoughts tended to be rooted so far into the dark that, as selfish as it may have seemed… Julian wanted it to be real, to have something physical to hope for and hold on to. Once again he let himself be pulled around, hazel eyes fixed intently upon their hands as they settled down next to each other in the cab. “I wasn’t expecting anything, but you were a pleasant surprise. I hope you can say the same for me.” He smiled lightly, head tipped forward. “No one likes being alone.” Regardless, a small portion of the doctor was sure that – for Lucille’s sake – it would have been better for her to stumble across a complete stranger, to spend the night with.

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy had actually expected to find some stranger tonight, hook up with him while she was drunk and sneak out when she woke up the next morning. That’s just how she usually works, especially when  she was so worked up and emotional over something, and that something happened to be the shooting at the masquerade ball, something she was still not over. However, finding Julian tonight was like finding that needle in the haystack, when you weren’t even looking for it in the first place. He just waltzed back into her life so simply, so quietly that she was still a little scared to believe that this was really him, that this was the same Julian, the same man she loved. “You are. You’re definitely such a pleasant surprise and you walking into that bar made my night a hundred times better,” Lucy showed him a smile, her drunkenness making her lean in closer towards him. “Thanks for not making me feel alone tonight.” Her voice was low as she leaned in to press her lips against his cheek. “And thank you for bringing me back to your place. Mine is... a mess right now. Are we there?”

[drwebber]

As much as he would liked to have, particularly with being an FBI agent… Julian never held much contempt for the Brass Wolves; hell, he had worked for them for a time. They were, essentially the reason his mother did not get to live an entirely full life but he knew it would be stupid to blame an organisation as a whole for one small slip-up. No matter how disastrous that ‘slip-up’ was. They were, by extension part of his family; he’d desired for as long as he could remember to know what it was that had drawn his mother to them. It was, despite all the negativity surrounding it, a very positive atmosphere. It was also a great cause for many internal moral struggles. He smiled at her words, even going so far as to emit a soft laugh; a sound rarely heard as of late. Julian was not surprised to find that Lucille was the first to bring it out of him. As she paid for hers, the doctor waited to do the same for his… two drinks. Just a few less than he had in mind upon arrival; but it was a pleasant change. He sincerely hoped it would stay that way, too. Watching her carefully, Julian placed a hand upon her arm, helping to steady the drunk women who had fallen against him. He set her upright once more, shaking his head in response. “No… I was planning to get very drunk; I don’t live far from here but I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you walking. We’ll get a taxi.”

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Lucy could feel her lips turning up into a smile - a sincere one - when she heard him laugh. It was just one of those sounds that brought her back to when she was actually happy, to when she believed that she could release herself from all the things that were holding her back, like her past, her father, all the hurt and the pain. Joining the FBI had been a great chance for her to make something out of herself and it became even better when she met Julian. He rooted himself into her heart and she was reluctant to admit it, especially since it seemed like they were both eager to end that relationship, but he was still in there. Lucy smiled when he helped her up and she nodded her head at his words, even though at this point, she didn’t really mind if they did it in the alley. Real classy there, she thought but she pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to dwell on something so negative. “Taxi it is,” Lucy slurred as she tugged him onto the street, though she didn’t hesitate to lean against him as she flagged down a taxi. She got in first before pulling Julian after her and she belatedly realized that she was holding rather tightly to his hand. “I like not being alone, though I didn’t expect you,” Lucy unexpectedly said as she leaned back against the seat. 

[drwebber]

For a while, that had been how he had been forced to see Fairford. There was when he was twelve, the years before that… and then there was the year he turned thirteen and everything seemed to take a sudden tumble down a very steep hill. As he grew older, he somehow learned to make himself think that it could have been worse; that he was lucky he still had a father who loved him and wanted to make sure he got the best out of everything. His father could have been a little less pushy, but everyone had flaws. Julian himself was filled with them. He watched as she moved closer, shifting in his seat - but not uncomfortably. Not that he was surprised. “Really?” The doctor questioned, humming. “That doesn’t seem very typical.” Not that Lucy was ever ‘typical’, she happened to be the polar opposite in his mind and that was, inherently, a good thing. He swallowed the lump in his throat, glancing down to their hands with a creased brow. There was a sudden familiar urge to lace their fingers, to brush his thumb across the back of a hand; it surprised him to find it was an urge he’d managed to resist. A soft breath fell from his lips, tired eyes slipping closed as she leant in closer. His resolve seemed to break in that exact moment, head tipping towards hers and fingers closing around her smaller hand. “… Maybe we should. I don’t think crazy ideas always have to be… bad ideas.”

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

The fact that she was back in Fairford was probably the major reason she got herself drunk nowadays. She loved her job so much, but she hated that she had been brought her to deal with the Brass Wolves. She hated the Brass Wolves. She hated driving by her old house and remembering all the bad things that had happened to her inside there. She hated driving by the hospital and even visiting it from time to time to talk to people, only to be hit with memories of her mother dying inside one of the rooms. She could even remember the room number perfectly but Lucy just wanted to stay away. When she and her little brother moved to Virginia, it felt like a whole new journey for them, one with lesser pain and just new possibilities. Being back here was like a trigger to her and though she tried to address it in the right way, Lucy found herself crumbling most nights, resulting to the power of alcohol to keep her afloat. “Well, you know me, just a love of the unusual,” Lucy murmured, smirking when she felt his hand squeeze her smaller one. “Then let’s go,” she said, the smirk still on her lips as she paid her drink and moved off the stool. Lucy almost tripped over her own feet but she was glad that instead of falling to the ground, she fell against Julian with a drunken giggle. “Did you bring a car?”

[oneinchbarrier]

[drwebber]

Her repetition earned a nod; Julian spent a second attempting to find a way to further the conversation from there… As per usual, a perpetually exhausted mind came up with nothing of much substance. So, his attention was turned once more to the remnants of his drink, still sloshing around the crystal glass in hand. He may have been a few miles off Lucy’s level of intoxication, but there was absolutely nothing to say he was guaranteed to avoid saying anything completely stupid. Playing it safe certainly seemed the best way to approach this. Thinking back on it, Julian found it strange that he couldn’t recall even seeing Lucille in Fairford before they met in the FBI. As a child, he could distinctly remember it being a fairly close-knit community; everyone seemed to know everyone – even if they didn’t get on. He tilted his head up, clearing his throat at her question. “Glorious, huh? It’s treating me just fine… No different than it ever has, I suppose.” It still felt the same, after all. Dark eyes flickered up to meet hers, brows furrowing. “You seem very… pleased about that.” It was clear enough that she wasn’t; happy people don’t tend to drink alone. He didn’t need any psychological knowledge to be aware of that. He didn’t comment any further, however. Jules stalled, the lump in his throat somehow finding the time to quadruple in size; Lucille was smart. She knew he was smart. There was absolutely no way she would have brought such a thing up without intention. “I don’t think I could blame you for that. We’re not meant to be alone.” Despite whatever logical thoughts were coursing through his brain, he so desperately wanted to jump on the opportunity thrust before him.

[lucyyyyyyywang-blog]

Her time when she was still living in this hellhole was classified into before her mother’s death and after it because before it was a fairytale. It was completely beautiful and wonderful and she would always look back on it with a reluctant smile. After her death was the reason why there was so much bitterness in her heart, why she didn’t even want to come back here to Fairford and why she was so reluctant to call this place home because the place where her father hurt her and where horrible things happened to her shouldn’t be considered home, not by a long shot. After her mother’s death, those were the years Lucy reverted to being a shell of a human, doing nothing but avoiding the people who just wanted the best of her, believing that they were all better off without her, and also avoiding her father. “I am very pleased,” Lucy murmured, moving closer towards Julian. She rested her hand on top of his as she looked up at him from under her lashes. “Maybe the both of us shouldn’t be alone tonight then.” Her voice was low and she wondered if she was still making sense with how much she was slurring her words but it didn’t stop Lucy from leaning in, squeezing his hand and whispering, “Maybe... It’s a crazy idea but maybe... we should go somewhere to make us feel less alone.”