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If my blog makes you uncomfortable, please, block me, don't report me.
I block freely. If you interact with my blog and your blog's contents make me uncomfortable, you will be blocked. It's not personal, but for my own safety. I'll ask any of you that I make uncomfortable to do the same to me as well, for your own safety and well-being.
Omniromantic fem/nb pref, demisexual
Agender / libramasc
Taken by my Chibi!!! I love her DNI if youre gonna chase or some BULLLSHIT I dont care!!! I love my angel more than anything!!!!!!! <3333 (She doesn't have tumblr tho☹️)
Syscourse is stupid and causes unnessacary drama so please dont involve me in that ok 🫶
Intro may be updated often!
TWS/CWS + DNI + Tags + More info below
⚠️ TRIGGER WARNINGS + CONTENT WARNINGS ⚠️
This blog WILL contain heavy content, given that this account may be used for rantposting and/or ventposting. Along with this blog just being Dazai themed, and, well, being on jiraiblr.
For your own safety, please generally view my blog with caution. I want you all to be safe, even if you don't know me, so be careful!
Triggering and / or uncomfortable topics / imagery on this blog include but are not limited to the following:
— Self harm, suicide, abandoment issues, attachment issues, violence, mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of stalking, attention seeking behavior, savior complex behavior, or potentially sexual content.
Please keep in mind that this blog's posts could include these topics or behaviors, but also potentially more than just those listed. View at your own risk.
× } DO NOT INTERACT !
Homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, etc.
Misogynistic
Racist, sexist, ableist, discriminatory, etc.
Invalidates a person's pronouns / gender / identity
Pedophilic, sexualizing minors, makes jokes about rape, etc.
ANY cutspo / fatspo / accounts
Supports, participates in, tolerates, or attempts to justify any of the above topics.
Very thin ice for any kind of romanticizing SH / ED.
Tags!
#🩹 Prodigy's Lullabies — A normal post to the blog!
#♟️ Osamu's Dreams — Positive rantposting!
#💢 Careless Ramblings — Negative rantposting
#💉 Greys of Rotten Flesh — Possible trigger warnings, vents, heavily negative rantposts.
#🌑 Queries to the Oddity — Answering asks!
#🕯 Ambitions of Candlewax — Osamu's love life!
#🐁 Stray's Befriending — Posts talking to mutuals!
#👁 Look At This! — General reposts!
#‼️ Over Here! — Important posts!
#~ Osamu . 🩹 — Osamu's front tag
#~ Evanesce . 🐁 — Evan's front tag
I would love to be mutuals with every one of my followers, if I can!
I'd love to get to know every one of you and I hope we all get along well!
hi guys, its evan. i'm allowed to front again because for the most part we're not losing our shit as badly, at least for right now?
i wanted to maybe talk a little more about the situation that's been going on, but i will not be giving many specifics. furthermore, i'd like to vent about the trauma i've been through that gets me here, as i hope it may bring you all to understand our behavior a little more. please know that for most of the below vent, i'm currently working on recovering from many of these things, and collectively, we'd prefer if people didn't comment on the trauma we've been through at all. please, do NOT send me asks, add replies, or even dm me to comfort me on any of the trauma i've previously been through.
comforting me on the topics which are at the end (last 10-ish lines, + kin stuff) is perfectly fine. but please. don't comment on the rest.
i'll be putting this under the cut as there are many awful topics that will be in this vent, including but not limited to
multiple mentions of suicide, mentions of witnessed domestic abuse, mentions of paranoia & anxiety, fear of abandonment, mentions of bullying, mentions of threatened arson, and a lot of other triggering topics.
please read with extreme caution. i want you all safe.
our parents divorced years ago due to domestic abuse that had been happening for most of my life.
this abuse was happening around the time i think our dissociation had initially developed and where we experienced development of our first other headmate, will. i believe he fronted during arguments between our parents to put us in our room and space out so we didnt have to listen to it all, but at the time we were extremely covert, and i mistook the amnesia gaps caused by front switches as just spacing out as well,, since many times if front switched while we were already in our room, we would bodily be in the same place as we were beforehand since we simply spaced out when will fronted, if that makes sense. though, will went mostly dormant after my parents had divorced, and since i was almost completely unaware of his existence in the first place, it left me to assume that i just tended to space out alot during that time.
the day we left my biological father, he'd tried to overdose in front of me, saying something probably along the lines of "if i cant have my child i'll just die", and said we were always gonna be "birthday buddies" since we share a birthday, talking like he was going to die. this interaction alone was severely traumatic and rooted my attachment issues and my fear of abandonment, because i still loved him, and i didn't fully understand the situation at the time.
i don't remember much about that day anymore, but that's all i'm comfortable saying about what i do remember, for my own safety.
in the time directly after the divorce, we had gone through a lot of things, including trying to save multiple people from suicide by the age of 9-10 via discord, which i now wish we'd never even downloaded at such a young age, and we remembered our biological father threatening to burn down our childhood home if me and my mother had ever left him, which had happened during some sort of argument a few months back iirc. we couldn't sleep properly for months and i'd gotten severe anxiety and paranoia because of it all, which i still struggle with to this day.
i thought this time was one of the worst times of our life, but i thought since it felt like it couldn't get worse, it could only get better, right? i was just a little kid,, how could i have ever known that i'd be so far off from the truth?
jumping pretty far ahead, a lot of stuff relating to saving people from suicide happened in mid-2024, as well, where one of my closest friends at the time, who was a year younger than me, ran away in a large city with the intention of overdose. this was severely traumatizing to me as in any past friendships i'd had with people i'd helped beforehand, they hadn't gotten that far before i'd somehow changed their minds. these friendships gave me a severe savior complex, and i constantly feel as if it's not even a question to try and save peoples lives rather than prioritizing my own mental health. i know this is bad for us, and i don't understand why i even do it, most times. i suppose just feels like it's one of the only things i'm best at. i try to recover from this, but i never get very far.
these mid-2024 area events i believe are what caused another split, resulting in it being me, will, and theo. though, will was still dormant. i didnt have a great sense of self due to masking, as i was getting constantly bullied at school for being over-emotional, "weird", being openly lgbtq, etc. iirc, theo mainly formed to help regulate emotions and stress, and he mainly held all of our "weird" traits such as therianthropy, petre, and xenogenders. he's also one of the main reasons that we collectively cope with our stress by sleeping. this time period is also when i started becoming more subconsciously aware of the fact that there might have been something wrong with me in terms of dissociative disorders, but i had still mainly been masking myself heavily to try and make friends.
right before all of the 2024 stuff had been happening, that same close friend introduced me to bungo stray dogs,, where i heavily kinned 14 y/o ranpo. i'd always felt so lost when it came to intelligence, even since i was very young. everyone at school seemed so social, but still so unaware. i wanted to be social, but i was blunt, and awkward, and i valued being smart over being "cool" or "popular" anyways. none of the other kids cared about being smart because we were kids. it wasn't important yet, and even most of the smarter kids didn't like me because i was still "weird" at the time, apparently. i did things how they were easiest to me rather than the specific way someone asks, and i felt completely isolated because it felt like nobody understood the way i viewed things. on top of kinning ranpo, i also took interest in nikolai's view on freedom from emotions, but i didn't ever fixate much on it.
eventually, i became friends with someone i'd met on a discord server, and he invited me to his friend group. in this group i'd met someone who is now my online father figure / dad. through this friend group, and through my online dad, i took interest in dazai's character. eventually it turned into a fixation, and then a hyperfixation.
now, onto my dad. he's meant a lot to me for the past 2 to 2.5 years and has helped me through countless things. he's been the only genuine support i've had through this time. he understands the way i view things, and he has a sense of humor that's quite similar to mine. he means everything to me, and i've been compleyely horrified of losing him.
given how terrified i am, it only makes sense that this would somehow go wrong. because of course it would.
almost a week ago, i'd gotten a text from a mutual friend asking if i'd heard from him because he was in the hospital in a critical state at best the last time anyone's heard from him. nobody told me that. i hadn't seen him online in days, i'd realized, and immediately felt terrified, because it had been literal days that he'd been offline, and nobody had told me anything about the situation until iust then.
it triggered awful panic attacks, and i felt completely hopeless for days.
nothing's happened since then, except his account flickered online and offline two days ago, but i'm completely sure that wasn't him.
though, our paranoia is extremely bad lately, and me and osamu specifically are convinced that for whatever reason he's dead, even if he might not be, and that he's watching everything we're doing. it's completely awful, and some days we feel like we can't leave our bed without feeling like someone is watching everything we do.
i'm still absolutely terrified, and collectively we are all in an awful state of mind.
we're trying our best to keep our shit together. please be patient with us.
much love.
we may not be posting as much for a while due to anxiety and paranoia. we likely will not be answering many asks at this time, but there are ask games in my intro now, so if anybody wants to ask us questions, we will answer those when we are in an okay enough state to post.
Hi no layout again again except I'm not losing my shit this time ok
Hi my two anons I don't have the energy to reply to each of you seperately rihgt now cause I have a headache but I'm ok even though I was indeed 'Going Through It' as Aku anon had said,, and also thank you for the hugs 🤍 anon I appreciate it tons
Unfortunately I dont actually know if it is Over™️ or not and at this point I wish I did cause I'm tired of waiting to find out but I can't do anything about it so whatever
Thank you for your concern I love u guys okay also sorry for not answering your asks rn cuz I know its been like a whole ass day since you guys sent in some of your asks I've just been tired and unfortunately I probably won't get to it tonight and likely not tomorrow either as I'm gonna be suuper busy,,, 💔
I love and appreciate all of you no matter what and thank you all of my lovely followers and supporters for being very kind ok
.On tonight's episode of 'Is it fucking over' it might actually be fucking over??.
Im losing my shit again I actually can not keep dealing with this shit can somebody actually kill me I cant keep doing this all the fucking time oh my god
I'm highkey freaking out worse than Evan was the other day this is awful I'm gonna explode
hiii! you have a really cool blog and I love the theme! but I'm too shy to interact directly </3 do you take anons? /nf
-🤍
Yesyes waves I take anons freely!! My second anon ohmygod aaahh 🥹🥹 And also thats not a problem, I'm glad to have you on my blog anyways,, so if you're ever comfortable enough to interact directly I'll welcome it with open arms cause I love all my followers and my mutuals and everybody okay!!
I never thought people would think I'm cool enough to be shy to interact with me directly, actually, but I'm not sure if that's a completely good thing as I want everyone to feel as if they have a safe space here gulp?.. You dont have to feel nervous to interact if you ever want to I promise you I try to be as nice as possible ok!! Much love!!!
Hi hello I doubt you will see this until tomorrow but we saw your post saying that you are really shaky
And we are trying to send as much comfort and security and idk helpful shit so you feel safer
Because that feeing SUCKS
And I really don't wanna see one of my favourite people (I blame source attachment for this) suffering with that
-🕸️ 🦇
Ah thank you, I appreciate it, Aku anon!! ^^ I genuinely appreciate that you think of me as one of your favorite people,, unfortunately I'm just going through a rough patch with stuff,, we collectively have lots of trauma that has given us both abandonment and attachment issues, and I won't elaborate on it too much yet, but there is a lot going on with those kinds of topics in relations to our father figure as of currently, so it's quite a sensitive situation for me, as well as the others in our system, primarily Evan. Though, I assure you we'll be okay, even if we're rather stressed at times, alright!!
Thank you for your concern,, I appreciate this more than I think I've gotten across, but it really truly does mean alot to me ^^"
No layout tonight also tw sui and shit because I am freaking the fucj otu
Tonight migth actually be equally as bad as last night and I havr really bad anxiety rigth now and I fwel like Im gonna have a panic attack so Im logging off for the nigh before I actually kms okay goodnigth rverybody I love you guys so don't end up hating me soemday pleaes okayb tyankksss I appreciate it okay godonight ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
*begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks* *begs you for asks*
Iii'm foing to sleep soon or at least going to try to sleep soon I love you guys you'r alls o cool okay! Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about why today was so bad but I'm not sure yet as it's still a very sensitive topic for most of us, mainly Evan.
Also, Evan's not going to be fronting for now as he's. Not the most stable right now. So you guys are stuck with me, okay!
Ok, well, love you guys thank you for being cool and I got ummm 3 followers today tyank uou my 3 new followers 🥹🥹 Ok
Also idk if Evan posted about it but he's apparently been yelling to anyone who will listen about how he was frontstuck and he had no idea where everyone in our system was???,, I don't know what that was about but we all still exist ok?
Also theres more to this post but I am putting it under the cut this is about future stuff I need to do with this blog because Evans lazy ass didnt do this shit when he knew I was going to do this shit weeks ago then the gay ass boy got frontstuck and I never got to do it and he never did it because he's gay. (/aff)
Ok read more for future stuff for this blog ok
Ok. I might make different layouts for our different alters and also put Evan and Theo on there and then do seperate intro posts for each of them. To link in the blog intro.
Will doesn't get one because nobody knows where his gay ass is. Gay ass boy can make his damn own layout if he wants to disappear for over 3 months. (/Aff)
I got distracted ranting I'm actually going to bed soon two more things though.
Userbox post. To link in the blog intro. Ok? Soon. Maybe. I hope. There will be a general category which holds userboxes that apply for all of us or userboxes that are for supporting our mutuals. And for the userboxes there will also an 'Osamu' category, an 'Evan' category, a 'Theo' category, and Will(iam) can eat a brick because I again do not know where he is and neither does anyone else in this place. (/Aff)
Lastly. I'm going to compile a list of LGBTQIA+ labels and I will be putting all of our individual flags and labels that best describe each alters identities, including gender expression, interaction information, ____-prone information, fictionkins, and literally any other information I can bother putting on those posts. To put into the alter introduction posts. The flags will probably be a seperate post with a shortcut that links to it on the intro posts. There will be contradictory labels. There will be a fuck ton of them for specifically Evan and Theo. This will all be on their intro posts with alll their seperate custom layouts on there too. I am not putting definitions on any of these flags. There will be the names of the flags, and I am 1000% giving up after that. There are a fuck ton of those. Holy shit. I am going to get lazy as shit by the time I get to the flag part of the intros. I beg of you. Don't make me put the definitions. Reverse image search them. Please. Go on Google and reverse image search with the name of the flag and look for a Pinterest post with the flag and matching name and definition or something. I beg of you. I plead. It is not difficult people I believe in you okay. This is already sounding like so much work I think I will die if I need to do more than nessacary Im gonna explode (/lh, /aff)
Realistically speaking this could very well either take me 3 days or 3 months. Please bear with me your honor I am just a mere child with too much motivation and not enough energy to actually do it
Ok thank you for listening to my ted talk goodnight everyone I will be lurking maybe or probably finishing up mutual interactions and then I am going to pass the fuck out until I have to take my meds tomorrow morning (in like 6 hours) okay. Goodnight you gay ass people Heart emoji Be who you aareee for your priiideee 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👨❤️👨🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👭👭👭👬👬👬👬👨❤️💋👨👨❤️💋👨👨❤️💋👨👨❤️💋👨👨❤️💋👨👨❤️💋👨👨❤️👨👨❤️👨👨❤️👨👨❤️👨🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️ Gay asses (/Aff)
Idk what sorts of the art ive made that youd vibe with so heres a bunch
[All i draw is skeletons]
Edgier skeletonlower
In order that 2 arts of my sans au oc cryonics, 1 art of reaper sans, then my other oc arson sans :>
WOAHH THOSE ARE COOL
THIS IS PEAK ART ??? 🥹🥹
Ok wait listen ok here's some art Evan made it's super cool
The papers a little fucked up but shhhh we don't need to talk about it ok? Also this took him 2 hours and her face is the size of his finger that shit was crazy
Wooah hi welcome you! Is this my first actual anon chat thats actually so cool hi hi hi hi!!!! 🥹🥹
Ok well its nice to meet you Aku anon I'm sure you're very cool and I look forward to seeing you in the future okay!! Waves back at you enthusiastically
This has highkey been the second or third worst day of my life and I think this single day has been worse than the entire two-month period of June and July of 2024, which is interesting because I didnt know that could still actually happen maybe I'll talk about it later though
Anyways I'm back sorry for not answering most of your guys asks for a long time that was Evans fault let me answer those ily guys okay 🫶
