You’re a good kid. You don’t have to have it all figured out or keep it together all the time. It’s okay to have big feelings, it’s okay to mess up, it’s okay to have thoughts that scare you when regressed. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re not bad. It’s okay if your regression doesn’t look like their regression. You’re doing your best.
i hope this might help regressors identify their feelings or for others to pick up on these behaviours when they see it. of course, everyone's experiences are different so if this isn't something you relate to, it doesn't make your experiences any less valid! 🩵
🩵 big feelings
it starts off with an intense, overwhelming negative emotion: stress, frustration, sadness, exhaustion, overstimulation, etc. for this post, im going to use a very common trigger for me - social conflict.
🌧️ communication difficulties
as an autistic person i find it very hard to read tone, and so arguments (even joking ones!) can cause me to become overly emotional and regress. the first thing to go is my ability to communicate properly! responses will get slower and shorter.
🩵 confusing reactions
as communication skills and emotional regulation slip away, my behaviour becomes more erratic - this includes going quiet, giving emotionally intense responses or even trying to walk away. to other people, this can be difficult to understand and might make the situation worse.
🌧️ the 'bad behaviour' spiral
though it's not my intention, responses appear combative, immature or moody. short answers or lack of answers may appear passive aggressive, overly emotional responses can seem like an attempt to guilt trip, and trying to leave can look like storming off. i feel ashamed of my childish responses, and i begin to sink deeper.
🩵 the break
eventually, the mask completely slips. at this point there's crying and attempts to hide or isolate. behaviour is pretty much infantile and i have no choice but to let it run its course.
💧a personal example 💧
a few years ago i was venting about my day with a co-worker. he began to offer solutions which i rejected and he criticised me for this: i immediately saw this as a conflict and got anxious. as i panicked my sentences got shorter, which he picked up on and questioned. the more my behaviour became childish, the more negative i felt and the more those behaviours happened. eventually i burst into tears and was trying to get him to hug me. i ended up leaving work early to go home and hide under my covers. it was very embarrassing and unhelpful!
🌀 i involuntarily regress - what can i do? 🌀
it's called involuntary regression for good reason, sometimes it just can't be helped! but it's good to understand your triggers and spirals, so that you can plan ahead.
🩵 understand your triggers - if you've regressed this way before, what caused it? is it a place, person, situation? why could it be causing your regression?
🩵 think about the basics - is there a need you've been neglecting? although it can sound dismissive when your feelings are so intense, you might need to do something simple. have you been eating nourishing food and staying hydrated, taking your medication, sleeping well, taking breaks and going outside, keeping ourselves and our home clean? these things can really affect how we feel!
🩵 be prepared - explain to those around you that your trigger may affect your behaviour and that it's not something you do intentionally. express what you'll need to do if this happens, and ask that they be patient with you. it also helps to have items such as fidget toys, sensory chews, communication cards and noise cancelling headphones with you, just in case.
🩵 communicate - in the early stages, it's important to explain how you're feeling and what you need! some helpful things to say might be:
'can we take a little break? im feeling overwhelmed'
'if i start giving short answers, it's because im overwhelmed, please be patient with me'
'i need some time to process this information'
'can you speak slower?'
'i'd like some alone time'
🩵 having a (self) care plan - if you end up regressed, it's good to have things in place! i don't have a caregiver, but if you do, reaching out for help is a good start! if that's not an option, keep a box of regression supplies, comfort items and mental health paperwork in a place that's easy to access. having an exit plan, including giving a reason for needing to leave or arranging a way to get home, are super useful things to keep in mind.
🩵 forgive yourself - it's not the end of the world. regression can be a very embarrassing experience, but it's not causing any harm. show yourself kindness.
🩵 getting help - if you find that regressing is interfering with your daily life or becoming common and disruptive, reach out and search for mental health resources or support. it may be a sign of an underlying situation that needs attention.
🩵 reflection - once it's over, consider how things went. are there behaviours you regret or things that could have been better? you might owe people an explanation or apology, but remember, this doesn't make you a bad person! like everyone else, you just had a rough day.
☔ how can i help someone involuntarily regressing? ☔
🩵 dont panic!! freaking out, asking a bunch of questions or drawing attention will only make things worse. if someone isn't responding to you, try asking simple yes/no questions that they can nod or shake their head to.
🩵 try not to take it personally - it might be difficult but involuntary regressing can be extremely overwhelming. being on the receiving end of short answers or unusual behaviour can feel uncomfortable or even hurtful, but try to remember that this person isn't in a clear frame of mind right now. being aggressive or defensive will only escalate things! only shout if you absolutely have to, for example, a potentially dangerous situation
🩵 be patient and reassuring - speak gently and slowly. offer reassurance and explanations on what you're intending to do. some helpful things to say might be:
'nobody's upset with you/you're not in trouble'
'i'll stay with you for as long as you like'
'take your time'
'youre not in any danger'
🩵 express your boundaries - it's okay to say no! if a regressor is doing or saying something that makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to tell them that you don't like it, even if they're in a bad headspace.
🩵 check in/ask questions - if you feel comfortable doing so, check in on them and ask how you can support them better if this happens again.
regression can be a fun, healing experience - but it can also be frightening and humiliating, both are completely valid. when you're online, it's easy to forget that regressing isn't always a cute, sanitised aesthetic experience. there's nothing wrong with you and it's going to get better.
thank you for reading! feel free to reply with your tips, thoughts or questions 🩵
there's nothing wrong with buying and sleeping with stuffies, yes even if you're in your 20's or 30's or 40's or older
footie pajamas, onsies, fuzzy socks, all come in adult sizes. you are completely valid in buying and wearing them.
talking can be hard no matter your age it's fine if big words are hard for you. even if you've gone through university and have a job. there's nothing wrong with you and you aren't a failure
you are allowed to use a pacifier if you want one. you're not a freak or weird. you aren't dping anything wrong.
you are allowed to be happy and take steps to make yourself happy.
Not all of these will have images! Some of them will if I can find an example of what I am imagining :)
Under cut because it got super long!! -_-;
Roman - obviously, very disney themed or prince themed. He'd prefer red pacifiers, because it's his colour !!!, but will make an exception if it's a character he likes.
The 1st 1 is a Queen of Hearts themed paci, but I think Roman would love all the red details and especially the little crown. I also think Roman loves lilo & stitch (more than usual when he's regressing) & would have a blue paci if it means he can have stitch on his paci.
(Also I think stitch reminds him of his brother Remus and he loves his brother! Even if big him denies it)
(1 & 3 - bellesbinkies on IG, 2 - kittycat.crafts)
Orange - we haven't met him, but I think he loves orange juice and probably has a paci covered in oranges. (Big him is so upset everyone keeps comparing him to an orange and gets even more upset that little him loves oranges).
Janus - has to have a snake on it. If it doesn't have a snake on it he cries and cries and cries until Roman/whoever summons a new one/adds one. Unfortunately, I cannot find a paci that has snakes on it :(
It can be any colour and decorated any way, but it has to have a snake (or multiple, preferably). He also loves when his pacis are the colour of his caregiver(s)!!
I did find this one by bellesbinkies & I think it's right up his alley anyway :3 just imagine there's a snake on it, or janus will wail.
( 1 - bellesbinkies )
Remus - bright green and covered in as many charms and jewels as he can put on it. Once it becomes unusable and he starts all over with a new one!! I think he has a gir from invader zim center piece or a skelanimal (most likely lolita the dolphin).
He also 100% somehow chews through the all rubber pieces of his binkie . No one knows how he does it.
Patton - FROGS !!! He most likely owns like 20 pacis and theyre all different. One has a frog centerpiece and another one has a dog and another one has a rabbit and another one has a cat— he needs a million (even if logan tells him its impossible to own a million). He likes to switch out through out the day, he doesn't want any paci feeling unloved !!!
I bet he also loves pacis with shakers!
Logan - probably has around 3 or 4 pacis that he switches through, but his most used is something that looks like the one below. He also has his CG (or himself) glue on little letters that spells out "little star" :)
The rest of his pacis are dark blue with various themes, like doctor who and ocean animals! He has a bingo paci too (He loves bluey!)
Virgil - i found this one and this is SO virgil. He probably goes all out for his binkies !! He wants his binkie to be "spoopy", but not super scary or else he gets really scared (remus once tried gifting him one that was just a little too much for baby virgil & he couldnt sleep alone for weeks).
He uses one paci at a time, usually for months, but once he gets tired of it, he will swap it out.
EXTRA !!
C!Thomas - has a steven universe paci. It's red with a yellow shaker full of little stars (like steven's shirt)
Emile Picani - a snoopy paci that's black and white with little charms
Remy/Sleep - all black paci, covered in little "z"s with the words "sleepy baby" on it.
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