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Jun 26

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 25)

Today we'll talk about the second half of the transition arc before we embark on a very long journey that will catapult us towards the end of the manga. Tension will continue to build as the fragile peace established after the Sports Fest continues to wobble.

Eventually, sooner rather than later, things will break, irreparably.

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Chapter Ninety-Three

I’ve been doing a lot of brushing up on seasons and weather to write this essay and, like I said, it’s important that we’re now in the rainy season. Rain can represent a lot of things, but the aspect that stands out to me is dread or foreboding. Rain can often warn of a much more violent storm to come, while also cleansing and watering the plants. This mini arc--a transitional one like the one between the New Year’s Arc and the Sports Fest--is cleansing. It gives Mikan a much needed break from incessant dangers at every turn, if only for a moment. Breaks like this act as a rest, allowing both Mikan and the reader to settle down before beginning a new arc. But this isn’t just a break before we continue. Just like in the last transitional arc, we gain a lot of information and character/relationship in these chapters that we will need moving forward.

In any case, we are in a foreboding period right now. Mikan’s newly discovered stealing alice creates a taut wire of tension. You can imagine this arc as a long line of dominos and we’re all just waiting for the first one to be toppled over. Once it is, everything else will follow. It’s hard to imagine that we’re barely halfway through. We’re ramping up to the beginning of the end, because the next couple arcs are long and emotionally devastating. This transition is necessary, both as calm before the storm and a threat that things will get rough soon.

Mikan’s encounter with Narumi has left her physically and emotionally drained so she was resting for three days. Her classmates were worried about her, but she’s all perked up now, having taken a well-earned break.

If I can choose a panel with Natsume in it, then I will.

Again, Mikan has been told to keep her alice a secret, and that provides extra tension as we wait for the other shoe to drop and for the wrong person to discover she has the stealing alice. It’s inevitable, and once it happens, nothing will be the same. Thus we must relish this time we have now, where things are messed up and fragile, but at least they’re not broken yet.

Mikan doesn’t understand why she has to keep her alice a secret, but she obeys anyway, trusting Narumi that he has a reason for requesting that, and of course because her intuition is always right and because she has a bad feeling about what’s to come. I’m sure the rain isn’t helping.

As she’s walking with her friends, Mikan accidentally steps on Bear’s sopping wet body. They all take him inside and dry him off, but he seems tired and unhappy, or at least more unhappy than usual. He has apparently been spending his time outside the hospital, since Kaname’s condition has recently worsened. Kaname might not survive to see the winter and Bear can feel it, but, unable to enter the hospital, he stands outside in the rain, if only to be close to him.

;-;

But Bear isn’t simply waiting. He’s--essentially--committing passive suicide, hoping to get so weak that his soul returns to Kaname, in the hopes that it might make him stronger or even recover. Mikan is touched by this devotion--as I’m sure we all are--but that seems to be the end of it.

Until Mikan realizes that Bear is stalking her. He follows her all around campus, incessantly, and she is starting to get freaked out. Koko is able to read Bear’s mind: Does Mikan have the stealing alice? Because Bear wants his soul to be extracted and then returned to Kaname.

But Mikan was supposed to be keeping that a secret! So she takes Bear and escapes the class to talk to him more privately. She refuses his request but then he presents her with offerings, so she refuses even harder. Bear isn’t happy about this, but Mikan won’t be budged on the matter.

Bear's like "So what I'm hearing is you want a bigger bribe?"

However, she’s become the subject of rumors. The campus is alight with gossip about Mikan, who has the stealing alice. If someone were to prove she has the stealing alice, they would allegedly get an upgrade in star rank. Thus, there’s some pretty avid takers on that deal who decide to pursue Mikan, chasing her around the school. She is rescued by Bear, who unfortunately gets ripped up in the process.

Mikan is confronted with the potential loss of someone she cares about back to back to back in this arc, huh? It just never ends. She’s horrified to think Bear might actually be dead, even if that’s what he had wanted. She carefully sews him back up, intent on not losing him, and takes him to Kaname in order to apologize for inadvertently causing his favorite creation’s demise.

Kaname is happy that tears were shed on Bear’s account, but he points out that Bear is completely fine. He was just embarrassed to have been treated with so much gentleness and care. He is able to understand now that Kaname needs Bear to keep living, so he can live in his place. It’s a nice, heartwarming conclusion, and it reminds me of the last Kaname + Bear chapter, where Mikan took Kaname’s words about Bear to heart as being perhaps how her parents feel about her.

I think there’s parallels to be drawn here as well. Mikan’s parents wouldn’t want her to be despairing and miserable not to have them--they would want her to live her own life and be as happy as she can be. It’s an important thought to keep in mind as the next arc draws closer. Mikan will have to contend with a lot of losses at once, and soft messages like Kaname’s will be needed in order to survive the emotional ordeal that is sure to come.

This page makes me SOB.

In the meantime, though, Mikan is delighted to find that Bear is content to sit in her lap now and no longer has violent urges towards her. He’s her newest friend.

God I am INCAPABLE of reading this chapter without crying. It’s so cute. I’m crying right this very second.

Anyway.

Chapter Ninety-Four

This chapter’s focus is on Hotaru and her brother, but there’s plenty of Mikan as well. It is officially summer now. Spring has passed and a new season means a new arc is incoming. But for now, the kids are going swimming! Mikan is excited to spend time with her friends in the pool, but Hotaru is glum. Turns out Hotaru--the genius know-it-all--doesn’t know how to swim. Mikan is surprised, both by the fact that Hotaru had kept yet another secret from her, and by the fact that Hotaru isn’t simply lacking in swimming knowledge--she’s horrible at it.

Hotaru is bad at swimming. Natsume is bad at musical instruments, particularly his favorite one, the sax. Mikan is bad at (albeit passionate about) lots of stuff, including cooking, studying, and admitting that she’s in love (though this one she doesn't even bother with). Ruka’s so far the closest thing to perfect in that group: he has athletic skill, some degree of academic success, his mochi was a hit, he’s a great performer, he’s cute, he’s kind… He really is perfect.

Anyway. Mikan is let down that her little fantasy of swimming with Hotaru won’t come true. Hotaru needs to practice with her brother. After all, this is for class. While moping, Mikan spots Natsume, who is sitting at the edge of the pool, still wearing his shirt. She guesses that he must not be feeling well. She’s not given the chance to think much more about it, but I’m sure the encounter from Kaname is fresh in her mind. Natsume swore he wasn’t going anywhere, but maybe his condition is worsening too.

Her eyes land on him even all the way across the pool.

The mood is dropped even lower when Tsubasa asks her about the stealing alice rumors he’s been hearing about. Kids start whispering about her and this swimming class is turning out to be way more of a bummer than she’d dreamed--Until Ruka splashes her with water, laughing at her surprised expression. He invites her to play water polo with the other kids, and finally Mikan is able to have fun.

Lots of Mikan’s loved ones approach cheering her up in different ways. Natsume has his way, Hotaru has hers, and Ruka shares Tsubasa’s method. It’s not enough to just tell someone to smile. Tsubasa has a very healthy way of dealing with Mikan’s feelings and cheering her up. He validates her feelings and then gives her a pep talk to liven her up again. Ruka’s method is similar. He wants Mikan to cheer up, so he changes the subject. He gives her something new and exciting to focus on. If other kids are gossiping or bringing down her mood, then he’ll splash her and give her something fun to think about instead.

So wholesome ;-;

When swimming class is over, most of the kids head back to the dorms, but Hotaru stays to practice with her brother some more. (One day, I’ll write an essay dedicated to the Imai siblings… One day…)

But Mikan waited for Hotaru to finish her class, ready with an umbrella so that Hotaru wouldn’t have to walk home alone in the rain. She’d originally brought two but lent one to Bear so he wouldn’t get wet and weak again like he did last chapter. It’s such a sweet gesture, what she’s willing to do for Bear and her best friend. She’s thoughtful and considerate of other people, even though she’s going through a tough time herself. Hotaru dismisses her own foldable umbrella in favor of sharing with Mikan. And it’s lovely moments like this, where both Mikan and Hotaru can laugh together, having fun side by side, that makes the times ahead that much harder.

I will talk about Hotaru’s POV for just one moment, because I like the symmetry (which correlates to the sloppy and forced symmetry that I hate so much in the last chapters). Hotaru knows that she might have to “leave” soon, in whatever capacity that means. Luna threatened Mikan (or rather, Hotaru in Mikan’s body) that she’d lose someone important to her, like Hotaru, so she knows what’s in her future. Last time Hotaru was aware that she’d be leaving Mikan, she kept it a secret just like this. But her intention was to make Mikan so angry that she’d forget about her. It’s a similar tactic that she describes Subaru using in his lack of letters to their family. She understands him because the temptation is here for her too, to be cold to Mikan to make the inevitable pain lessened somewhat. But Hotaru isn’t doing that this time. This time, she’s treasuring the time she has with Mikan, refusing to take it for granted. So they can walk in the rain under one umbrella and she can laugh openly with her best friend because times like these won’t last forever, so why waste them?

Like I said last time, this arc is my favorite for the two of them. So sweet!

It’s a sweet theme to have in this chapter. This one and the speech from Kaname in the last chapter are crucial, even if they seem like one-off stories. The sentiments behind them are still important, because they’ll guide the way Mikan makes her choices and copes with her traumas in the future.

Chapter Ninety-Five

Technically this is the beginning chapter for the next arc, but to me it feels like a transition to wrap up the transition, so I'm including it here, especially since that's the way I had formatted Natsume's corresponding essay too.

This chapter starts with instant drama that only escalates, only through a dream. Last chapter, Hotaru alluded to having to leave soon, and now we see the next stage of that: she is called to the ESP’s office out of the blue. This is unusual to her classmates, especially to Mikan, since the ESP is definitely not good news, and when Mikan says a storm seems to be starting, it’s understandable why she might get that feeling. She also remarks that confronting that storm isn’t easy, and Mikan would know, wouldn’t she?

Mikan doesn’t like focusing on difficult subjects. Just like she refuses to admit her love for Natsume or his likely alice shape, and just like she refrains from sharing vulnerable thoughts about her parents or what the school might have in store for her, she is also hesitant to accept that things are about to change.

But she swears she will be strong, and won’t look away this time. She’s ready to face the storm.

How interesting that the chapter's narration begins and ends in Mikan's room, morning and night. How fun! Also MIkan is so cute here!

Good news--that was all just a bad dream! Except it wasn’t.

Again, even though she wants to face the hard stuff, it’s much harder than just summoning resolve. I think that’s why we have the short-lived moment of Mikan brushing it off as a dream. If it’s all a dream, then she doesn’t have to worry about the imminent stress. Though she should confront conflict, and she knows that, it would be better if there was nothing to worry about.

Alas.

Even though Mikan was absent and didn’t really witness Hotaru being called to the ESP’s office, she really had been, though Hotaru dismisses it as no big deal (a lie). So, turns out there really is something to worry about.

And it gets worse.

Apparently, there’s also a rumor in the middle school division (when isn’t there?) that a DA mission didn’t go so well and that one of the students went missing--Tsubasa, allegedly.

This shakes Mikan to her core.

Throughout the story, we’ve seen Tsubasa act as one of Mikan’s pillars. He is always reliable, always kind, always helpful. Mikan can always count on him to be supportive and to comfort her. I’ve said before that Tsubasa’s method of handling Mikan’s emotions is perhaps one of the more gentle and compassionate--validating her feelings before offering solutions or distractions. He plays the role of an older brother and she loves him very much. This rumor is devastating.

DUN DUN DUN.

One, since when was Tsubasa in the DA class??? That’s entirely out of left field and a shocking development on its own. Then there’s the terrifying prospect that he went on a dangerous mission and might have gotten hurt. And then even worse--not only did he go on a dangerous mission, but he is now missing and is probably in serious trouble.

That’s a lot to take in right away, and it seems like the bad feeling she got with her dream--that things are about to get really bad--was entirely appropriate.

This is the beginning of a new arc. I’m really not sure what people refer to this arc as. I’ve seen it called the Escape Arc, the Rebellion Arc, the War Arc, the High School Division Arc. I don’t know. I don’t really have a name for it. In my head it’s just a really long period of time where a bunch of stuff happens all in one day. Because that’s pretty much it. A very long arc but it’s just one day. Maybe it should be called Mikan’s Really Bad Day Arc? Because it is a bad day for her (well, that all happens tomorrow actually--so maybe Mikan’s Two Really Bad Days?).

In any case, the beginning chapters of a new arc are pretty important, as I’ve discussed before. The beginnings of an arc (transition arcs don’t count) reveal some themes that we should pay attention to in the future. One is Mikan’s feeling of quick escalation and that things are going to turn very sour very soon. When a character has a feeling like this, always listen to them. Things will get bad. Very bad. In a very short period of time.

Another theme we see right away is the potential for loss. Already, Tsubasa is in huge danger and his fate is uncertain. Mikan is now forced to deal with the fact that she might not see a loved one again. This feeling of loss will haunt her for the rest of the arc, through her parents, friends, and Natsume. This arc is long so it can be hard to trace specific themes, since so much happens, but if something comes up quite a bit, then it’s worth noting.

It’s also summer. What did we say about summer at the start of this essay, when Mikan was running away from home to find Hotaru again?

“Summer is symbolic of love, passion, and liberty, of exploration and burgeoning adulthood.”

Last summer, Mikan took a huge risk and ran away from home on a vast adventure, determined to be able to sacrifice something, to be mature like Hotaru. She wasn’t really there yet, though. Sacrificing things isn’t easy. We discussed then that Mikan didn’t really sacrifice anything when she ran away to Alice Academy. Or, at least, not knowingly. She sacrificed her grandfather’s money, then his worry and concern. Then she involved two friends in a dangerous game without thinking about the consequences. You could think of last summer as a false start. Mikan decided what she wanted from herself, but wasn’t quite ready to be that yet.

This summer is different. We will see Mikan make plenty of sacrifices and hard decisions, and how that reflects into a premature “adulthood.” Additionally, exploration will play a role as Mikan opens herself up to her mother’s experiences and has to confront her prejudices. And we will also see the climax of the “love” question that has been haunting this manga from the beginning--Mikan has so many love interests, so who will she choose? We are in for quite a feast.

In any case, back to the bitterness.

Your friends are here to comfort you, Mikan. Your lack of tears isn't impressing anybody.

Tsubasa is missing! And Mikan is shocked. Natsume, who was apparently on the same mission, has returned to the academy but nobody’s seen him yet (so how do they even know he’s back?), so there’s no way of knowing for sure if the rumor has any weight to it. It doesn’t matter--just the rumor alone is enough to upset Mikan.

She spends some time with her friends, who all attempt to comfort her off-page. We see her again when the gang is leaving, with Misaki-senpai assuring her that none of this is her fault and that Tsubasa will be fine. That’s an important point to make: that it’s not her fault. Mikan likely is blaming herself. They all knew they’d face consequences for the New Year’s debacle. The problem is that when Mikan started having her conflict with Luna, she assumed she was the only one getting punished. Then the idea struck that maybe Natsume is being punished too, in his own way. Now the truth is starting to reveal itself--Hotaru was called to the ESP’s office and Tsubasa was forced into the DA class and is now missing. She was never the only one being punished.

So even one of her most courageous moments, risking her life for Natsume’s happiness and protecting her friends, ended up putting her loved ones in a bad position. How could she not blame herself, being the person she is? So Misaki assuring her that Tsubasa’s situation has nothing to do with her is important… though whether or not Mikan listens is another matter.

Her friends all leave her alone and although Mikan looks visibly upset saying goodbye to them, her usual smile wiped from her face and seated on the floor by her bed, it’s only when they leave that she starts to cry, when it’s night already, many long hours after hearing the news at breakfast.

We’ve seen this side of Mikan pretty often already, that she doesn’t like to let others see her crying face, that she feels ashamed of herself for crying or being sad when she should always be happy and smiling. It’s her job to see the bright side, and yet now she’s in a rough spot where there doesn’t seem to be much of a bright side. Mikan only cries when she’s alone and she doesn’t like to talk about her problems, not to her friends and not to us and not even with herself.

She’s upset and sad, and though Tsubasa, who is so spectacular at comforting her, would be a great person to turn to right now, he’s the one she’s crying about. She takes his absence pretty hard because of that, because he’d be the perfect person to rely on right now, and yet…

So she cries, alone in her room, after probably holding in the tears all day. She’s finally letting herself feel the sadness she hid from the others.

And then there’s Natsume, opening her window and perching on the sill, looking like hell. He’s visibly disheveled, bruised and cut up, but for some reason, he’s halfway inside her room.

It's so hard to pick images because I like every panel in this scene.

It’s an important reminder, I think, to point out that Mikan hasn’t spoken to Natsume very much since before the Sports Festival. They had their little hand-holding moment during the soul shuffle debacle, but that was just one moment. They haven’t really talked since. On top of that, he’s been missing from school, apparently on a mission for the DA class. Thus, seeing him now would be a surprise.

There is so much they haven’t talked about: the events with Luna, the Borrowing Race, his alleged feelings for her, her feelings for him that she probably won’t admit to, his alice, why he’s been so distant. There’s a lot and that’s probably why they haven’t talked much. There’s too much they’d need to cover and it’s all daunting. And Natsume didn’t make it easy, either, since he’s been purposefully isolating himself.

But here he is anyway, right outside her window (hopeless romantic that he is), right at the moment she needs him most. So she rushes over to him and asks him where he’s been and why he’s all roughed up. Natsume has been missing too, of course, and because he’s in such bad shape, it makes sense she’d be worried. But her first words are about him and what he’s been through, not to talk about her own experiences.

And of course, she says “everyone was worried about you,” which is just her way of communicating her own concern and worry without putting herself too much on the line. I think it’s pretty much habit at this point, to hide behind the group. She never really felt safe being open with him, but especially not now after being shut down the one time she let herself be. Though this moment does have her hiding, it also shifts things towards honesty, and that’s because of him. Natsume has to make the first move in that direction, to let her know she can too. Though they both do it halfway, it’s still an important shift.

He shuts her down, ignoring her questions and telling her he wasn’t planning on seeing anybody until he’d safely retrieved Tsubasa. But, he had a feeling she was crying alone, so “for some reason,” he came to her room. He is honest about his care, but he’s not being entirely open either. “For some reason,” he came to see her, so she knows that he went against his instincts to check on her, without actually saying those exact words. He’s halfway honest, just enough to communicate his feelings passively, and that gives Mikan all the permission she needs to do the same.

On top of that, Mikan can see that Natsume recognizes her tendency to hide her sadness until she’s alone. She has lots of friends, but she’s been keeping her negative feelings to herself more and more, and even though they haven’t talked much lately, he still notices these things about her. She knows for a fact now that he’s been thinking of her, and that he was just as worried as she was about him.

We immediately transition into the next moment, where Takahashi calls from outside Mikan’s room to tell her it’s time for bed. There’s no answer, but Mikan isn’t asleep--she and Natsume are hugging against the wall.

One of the best NatsuMikan scenes. I think we all agree.

This is not the first time Natsume’s put his arms around Mikan, but there’s always been a pretense behind it--to tease her, or behind a mask. Mikan has tackled him to stop his alice or protect him, but she’s never hugged him like this. This moment is so important because even though they’re not talking about all the looming issues between them, it’s a moment of nonverbal honesty. She wants comfort and he gives it without pretense. They both have laid their cards out for the other to see, more or less, just without the words.

This is a big deal!

Natsume aside, though this is a big moment for him too, Mikan being so upfront--even without the words--is huge for her. She is, as we’ve discussed to death, pretty closed off about her feelings, refusing to acknowledge them even to herself. She is in such a state of despair at the possibility that Tsubasa is in danger that she is willing to put aside her fear (to an extent) and seek comfort from Natsume.

In Chapter 50, when Mikan needed comfort after her run-in with the ESP, she was hesitant to settle for Natsume, who did not seem like the most comforting guy. Since then, however, Mikan has found a lot of solace in Natsume. Even if she doesn’t necessarily seek him out to make her feel better, he always does anyway. But after the Sports Festival, when he had--albeit against his will--brought her pain instead of taking it away, or when he had rejected her when she finally tells him what she wants, the fact that Mikan can seek comfort from him is monumental. No, he’s no Tsubasa or Ruka, who seem more gentle or compassionate on the surface. But Natsume is still gentle and compassionate here. There’s not much he can say to comfort her, so he comforts her physically (as we know he is prone to do), hugging her and being a shoulder for her to cry on.

And she lets her walls down too. If he can be honest, that he came here to see her, then so can she. And she can cry in front of him, even though she didn’t let herself around the others. Honesty begets honesty or something.

Ultimate reciprocity.

And when he tells her not to cry, she tells him that she has to, for his sake, because she’s crying for him too. She can recognize that he’s struggling and suffering too, and this is her way of letting him know that she’s been noticing him too. Just like she hides her sadness away until she’s alone, she knows that Natsume’s the type to hold it all inside, to never let it out. In fact, she thinks to herself, he’s more likely than her to keep it inside, no matter how upset or tired he gets. He came here to seek comfort just as much as he did to give her some.

She doesn’t say that last part, but, again, she doesn’t have to. The little that they do say is enough for now. This is both of them giving to and taking from each other, without pretense, for the first time. Entirely reciprocal, entirely--if nonverbally--honest.

But the hug must eventually end. Natsume has a mission to finish and the only way to truly make her happy again is to bring back Tsubasa. He tells her so, by promising to find her senpai and jumping out the window.

“And about you too,” he says--again suggesting without outright saying it that he knows what she’s been going through with her stealing alice. He knows that it’s not just Tsubasa but everything that she’s been struggling with. And he will help her. He’ll fix her problems.

Blah blah blah something intelligent about the Natsume's back motif.

She doesn’t say anything, but she watches him leave, because she always watches him leave.

Conclusion

We're officially done with the transition arc and have started the Mikan's Two Really Bad Days Arc. Let's see how many parts it takes me until we reach the next arc! Who can say.

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