Luma @lumacora - Tumblr Blog

Ive been doing better

I feel pretty good recently! Im going to dye my hair tonight lol, its purple. I cleaned my room and im getting some cool stuff soon!

Another one 💕

Something I painted to keep my mind busy and free

worried

I'm pretty scared that what I feel isn't real. Yes, I feel it, I feel it immensely, and then, just as I reach the height of the world, riding on the back of that feeling, I come crashing down and I realize that it was a lie. A lie I was telling myself. Something so bland could raise me up and something so minimal could crush me. I don't know how to feel, or what I feel, or if anything I've ever felt was real at all. Am I a feeling being because I know people feel things? Do I feel things based on situations I learned from watching others? I feel like an imposter, I am not real. All this pain inside me must be fake, so why cant I let it go? I don't feel real.

What I want

I want a love that yearns and longs, a love that looks at me like I hold the stars, as if I breathe life and color into the world. A love that I don't have to question or ponder on and eventually tear it all down because its superficial. A love that matters to me as much as I want to matter to them. A love that steals glances, even when we're married and we see each other all the time, one that still wants to hold my hand and do the simple things because life is full of the mundane but the love I want is anything but boring or simple or insignificant. I want to be wanted.

tarot reading

Ive been doing them daily and they've been going well! today the cards tell me that Im in a period of isolation, not only because I must reflect on myself and who I am but because I am also hiding away from the world in fear of something. Connections are important, and I need to reconnect. My feelings, however, dont give a hoot or a holler to reconnect or leave my house. Yes, the cards are right but I have no energy to listen today, plus I have to work so. Maybe tomorrow.

I'm here now.

It's been a while! But I think I made my page look pretty cool so I'm going to keep an online diary of sorts. When I feel like I have no one to talk to, I can put that sadness into this page and then visit it in a couple years and cringe at myself XD