Iโve been struggling a lot with my mental health recently. More specifically, social anxiety.
Despite my excitement to come back to roleplaying after months of hiatus due to my studies, work and injury, interacting on tumblr has become a hugely anxiety inducing experience for me.
I have always enjoyed roleplaying. I have fond memories of the people I have met whilst doing so. However, I also have some bad memories. Bad experiences with people I became associated with, bad experiences in other fandoms. I mean, we all have them.
After an encounter with another roleplayer who manipulated and bullied me for months over discord, I have a really hard time interacting with my rp partners. I am keeping the name and URL of this person anonymous as I donโt feel like dredging my experiences over your dashboards. Though, I want it to be known that this person is not associated with the Star Wars fandom.
This incident has put my anxiety through the roof. I considered myself a good writer but now I doubt every little thing I do. Itโs making it hard to even write a one-liner starter without thinkingย โhey, this is a piece of garbage and the person youโre writing it for will hate itโ. I also canโt reply to messages without having a full-blown freak-out. Sometimes, I acknowledge an IM that has been sent to me, fuss about it for days or even weeks and then realise that itโs probably too late to reply. I get it in my head that they no longer want to interact with me because Iโm lazy or not committed enough. I know these thoughts are irrational but I genuinely canโt help it.
Anyway, I think itโs time for me to finally acknowledge that roleplaying on tumblr is no longer a fun experience for me. Iโve been procrastinating by fussing around with my graphics and information pages for far too long. I need to leave roleplaying behind me for my mental healths sake.
Iโm sorry if youโve been expecting starters, replies and answered asks from me. But I think this is what I need now.ย If anyone is interested, I plan on keeping a personal blog for my artwork and fanfics. I also plan on keeping this blog for the time being, Iโll probably refer back to a few headcanons and things when I write fics.
I am going to miss all the fantastic and creative writers I have met in this fandom specifically, you are all amazing.ย
From the bottom of my heart,ย
