i said to the sun, tell me about the big bang. the sun said, it hurts to become.
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@lunar-dancing
i said to the sun, tell me about the big bang. the sun said, it hurts to become.
andrea gibson, i sing the body electric, especially when my power’s out (via weaverofstars)
she’s always going to love blue, and i think that’s the thing she most has to come to terms with. hikari is a very romantic person by nature, and she really, truly believes in love and its power. she believes in true love, and she believes that a person’s first love changes them a lot. she believes that it always kind of sticks with you, and that that’s normal and okay.
there were a lot of boys before blue, but none of them were boys she loved. her feelings for ash were very simple and juvenile, and it’s mostly significant in that she never fully got over him. even now his perceived abandonment is a sore spot - but that isn’t even about ash at this point, and it probably never really was. that’s got her shit with her dad written all over it. then there’s barry, who she always sort of thought she might love but then never did - it was like she was always waiting for it? like, this is what happens when a boy and a girl grow up together... they fall in love eventually, right? that’s how the story goes?
but she never felt that way about barry. i do hc that barry was her first kiss when they were little (like, six or seven lol), but it was more that romantic stories sort of taught her that this was the pattern and she then expected to follow it. but she didn’t. even with kouki, her love for him is strictly platonic.
there were a lot of boys before blue. but blue was 100% her first love, and that’s not something that changes. she’ll never have another first love -- he’ll always have that claim to her, and to hikari that will always hold a certain significance. like it or not, a little piece of her is always going to be his because these things mean something to her.
what she’s learned in the past year or so is that while first love is static, true love isn’t. blue was and still is her first love, and for a while there he was her “one true love”. it makes sense, and it’s a nice, romantic notion: that your first love gets to be the same as your true love. the thing is that she now has to reconcile that there’s not really any such thing as one true love, and blue doesn’t get to hold that pedestal anymore. it isn’t even that hilbert holds it now, it’s more that the pedestal just doesn’t exist anymore. like... she’s come to a place recently where she’s deciding that true love can happen more than once, in different ways, and that’s okay.
she loves hilbert. i think we’re probably at that point now, and it’s safe for her to say it. she loves hilbert; she’s in love with hilbert. hilbert is her endgame. they’re coming up on a year in november, which is maybe alarming for them but not from an ooc perspective. they’ve worked for this; they’ve gone through some shit to come out where they are now, and they’ve made one another better for it.
so... it’s not really about getting over blue entirely, or acting like he never existed or was never apart of her life. he was, and he was significant. they grew together, they pushed one another, and she would 100% not be the person she is today if they hadn’t happened. she gets to still be a little in love with him, to still hold onto some of those feelings and remember them fondly -- within reason.
we’re just at a point where she has to feel around for where that boundary is.
Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together.
500 Days of Summer (2009), Dir. Marc Webb (via wnq-movies)
My youth is yours.
When I'm sick, when I'm sad You always bring me back When you're wild, when you're mad I'm your girl Shit gets real, good and bad But we cry till we laugh Through the pain, through the fads That's so us
Lily van der Woodsen + favorite quotes
There is something moon soaked and dawn flavoured about her. Something kissed by the wild and loved by lightning. She looks like Artemis after a night of storm hunting. She looks like the sun as it rises after kissing the dawn.
Nikita Gill, Artemis Girl (via meanwhilepoetry)
Some people are just born to fight, I think. It’s not that they’re born brave. It’s not that they’re born strong. It’s just that the universe has decided that this one, this one will have grit and fire and steel in their blood. And it’ll be tested, this cosmic mettle of theirs. They’ll face trial after trial, be broken and damaged in countless ways. But this one was born to fight. Maybe it’s not the life they would have chosen. Maybe they’d love to lay down their arms. But they were born to fight. It’s what they know. It’s what they do best. It’s all they can do.
Heavy words are hard to take Under pressure precious things can break And how we feel is hard to fake So let’s not give the game away
Ta-ku & Wafia - Meet In The Middle (Ekali Remix)
hikari: it's not... closure, really. but it feels like it. does that make sense?
me: i think i understand how you feel.
hikari: i did it all again. i retraced all of my steps and went back to each place that had left any sort of scar, and by the time i made it to turnback cave i was just so tired.
me: it was extremely emotionally draining.
hikari: no shit. i went in, and i might have gotten lost but it was like i just... knew where to go. and when i got there i just slept.
me: nightmares?
hikari: i don't remember dreaming. i woke up and it was all still the same, you know? but different too. it's a really fine line between different and the same there. i couldn't tell how much time had gone by. time is weird there.
me: and giratina?
hikari: i didn't battle it, if that's what you're asking. it wasn't some, like, epic final showdown or whatever. i barely even saw it. just shadows, mostly. i think it was watching me, but maybe not.
me: i thought the point was to face giratina specifically.
hikari: maybe it wasn't. it's hard to explain how i felt. nothing very special at all happened. i was just... there. i adjusted to it. it didn't seem like i was there all that long but it's fucking july now, so! i don't know.
me: so does this mean you're done?
hikari: i'm not sure. it feels like this is the natural conclusion, don't you think?
me: maybe.
hikari: i guess we'll see.
You might try then, as I did, to find a sky so full of stars it will blind you again. Only no sky can blind you now. Even with all that iridescent magic up there, your eye will no longer linger on the light, it will no longer trace constellations. You'll care only about the darkness and you'll watch it for hours, for days, maybe even for years, trying in vain to believe you're some kind of indispensable, universe-appointed sentinel, as if just by looking you could actually keep it all at bay. It will get so bad you'll be afraid to look away, you'll be afraid to sleep. Then no matter where you are, in a crowded restaurant or on some desolate street or even in the comforts of your own home, you'll watch yourself dismantle every assurance you ever lived by. You'll stand aside as a great complexity intrudes, tearing apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived denials, whether deliberate or unconscious. And then for better or worse you'll turn, unable to resist, though try to resist you still will, fighting with everything you've got not to face the thing you most dread, what is now, what will be, what has always come before, the creature you truly are, the creature we all are, buried in the nameless black of a name. And then the nightmares will begin.
House of Leaves
me: are you sure you're ready to do this?
hikari: That's the problem. I'm never really going to be ready, am I? Brendan was right--I just have to do it.
me: what exactly are you hoping to gain from this?
hikari: Peace of mind. I know that I have to go back for my own sake. I'm tired of running--and just tired.
Dan is my best friend and when we’re together it’s great.
hikari: he was right. i hate that he was right.
me: about what in particular?
hikari: all of it. or most of it anyway. especially about blue. god, i feel so stupid, but what if it's true? what if it doesn't get any better than blue and i? what if he's the love of my life, and we can't find a way to be together?
me: you need to breathe. it was a rough night and working yourself up about blue right now isn't really productive.
hikari: if i think about him, i don't have time to think about anything else.
me: did you cover the mirrors already?
hikari: yeah.
Icarus is flying too close to the Sun
🎶 theme song
Something about her is so tempting to look at. Her anger has a childish aura as if she isn’t made of real evil; just a bratty princess playing with her toy fangs.