“Haven’t I killed you before?”
“I got better.”
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@lunar-xing
“Haven’t I killed you before?”
“I got better.”
Clouds, fog and sun
The Origin of Love
I want you
I’ll color me blue
Anything it takes
To make you stay
Only seeing myself
When I’m looking up at you
C R E S C E N T | bryanminear
Lunar rolled his shoulder and stretched, looking at himself in the mirror. He tried, really tried, to feel prepared about this, but if he was completely honest, years of training in disguise and deception didn’t come in handy at all right here. He couldn’t look into his Imprint’s eyes and lie to him.
The phoenix sighed at the situation as he walked out of the room into the long hallway. The sunlit space didn’t soothe his nerves at all as he thought of ways to talk. But his thoughts all so tangled he couldn’t focus on a single one of them.
He came into the kitchen way sooner than he wanted to, dodging the other’s inquiries and worries as he sat on the table. The awkward and tense silence pervaded the space, leaving him shifting uncomfortably and fidgeting with his sleeves.
(( @honeyedfrost @the-sun-bird ))
Xi looked up nervously (worriedly?) from his own perch on the counter in the corner of the kitchen. Fluidly, though, as if he weren’t bothered by any of this, he pushed himself off, bringing a cup of the tea to the other silver.
“For your nerves.” he murmured, keeping his eyes down before retreating to his seat. He paused, and then, “And, ah, take your time. Only what you’re ready for.”
On the counter, his fingers traced out snowflakes, leaving trails of frost in their wake.
Cyrus yawns at the stove, cooking some food for them all. He serves them the food and after washing the dishes, sort of droops on the table.
He looks at Lunar and smiles, hair a wild mess. “Take your time. We trust you. Well I do” he yawns again before eating his fried egg sandwich
“Well…” He trailed off, rubbing his hand over his face, “Anyway. Thanks for the tea.” Lu took a sip, feeling the warm liquid travel down to his stomach, feeling slightly less ill. He hesitated a bit, thinking about where to start and sighed.
“Uh, so, yeah.” Lunar cursed at himself internally for not being able to think ahead of what to say. He took another gulp of the tea, tapping his finger against the handle of the mug. “Anyway…Imprint, yeah. So, you,” He pointed at Xichen and attempted a smile, “well, uh. I Imprinted on you the day we met.”
Something in his chest stopped, and before he could even realize it was his heart, it had started again as if there was nothing wrong, nothing going on. Nothing to see here, not at all. Xi attempted a smile back, heart now hammering yet faster.
“Yeah, I. I kind of picked up on that much I suppose,” he took a deep breath. “I confess I don’t know much about how it works. I didn’t know it was something that happened at first sight, for instance. And I should probably apologize, too, I was kind of an asshole to you that day. I’m sorry.” he winced, remembering their first heated encounter in the alley, ice dagger in hand as they stared each other down, cursed each other out.
But then he remembered the incident of the baring of their necks, and he covered his face with his hands, a soft glow peeking from between his fingers.
Cyrus watches them quietly, munching on the sandwich.
“You’re both dense idiots” he points out
Lunar opened his mouth, wanting to counter Cyrus, but realizing that he really was a dense idiot. The silver phoenix feigned a cough before he replied to Xichen, “no no, I’m the one who should apologize. I wasn’t…at my best behavior that day either.” He clenched at his mug, feeling genuinely awkward at this situation.
“I- uh, I mean,” He pressed his lips together, thinking about the awkward situation and ignoring his inner phoenix’s complain, “I guess I want to apologize for causing all the troubles…?” He looked down to his mug again, stirring the tea with a spoon to distract himself from the nervous feeling in his stomach.
It was true. He never wanted to bother the other with this. The silver one thought of all the times people told him that it’d be a true unfortune to be Imprinted by him, and he couldn’t help but to sigh again.
He almost wished he didn’t have an Imprint at all. Almost.
Xi winced at the rising emotion, shooting Cy a glare before conjuring a tiny ball of ice just above Cyrus’ shirt collar and dropping it down the other’s back.
“It’s- it’s no trouble. You’re no trouble. I, uh…” he looked back to the ground. “I just don’t know what this means for us yet, I mean… but that isn’t a trouble. We’re just going to have to figure it out.” he sighed, feeling the turmoil within him kind of expand and contract minutely. The both of them were still feeling like this then, it seemed.
“I will say… this makes a lot of things make more sense. We’re kind of… linked in a way now, aren’t we? Mentally, or something? Or we have been? This explains, ah… a lot, I think.” he takes a few deep, meditative breaths, trying to relax and help the other calm himself, too.
He squeals and hops out of his chair, yanking the shirt off and pouting “What? It’s true? I didn’t mention if he’s any trouble-which you’re not, by the way. I adore the fuck outta you.” He huffs, pouting at Xichen
“In a way, yes,” He ruffled his hair, finding it hard to explain what Imprint is, “well, our souls are linked, really. Which is why, uh, you can feel my emotions and vice versa.” He smiles a little when they both emphasized that it was no trouble, feeling a bit of a relaxed vibe coming from the Imprint bond. He curled up a little, knowing how much stress he was causing for his Imprint.
Oh Sun he wished this was any simpler. He thought as he continued to ramble about Imprint bond, “and magic, umm, in a way our magic is also linked. No, I can’t use yours and you can’t use mine, but they’re tangled, I guess, in a way.”
Xi stilled. “Huh, that is… that is interesting. I wonder how that even works…” he trailed off. This was a lot to take in, but honestly, he was grateful they were talking about it. It was much easier to deal with when Lunar looked and felt just as nervous as he was, though his own was subsiding for more curiosity, and when he was getting straight answers.
But then…
He quells his fear that anyone’s magic being bound to his own would be detrimental to them- no, to Lunar. It was so destructive but… it had good qualities. It did.
And if the whole of him was cursed and Lunar was bound to him, it was hardly just his magic that would be detrimental.
No. Okay. Cool it, Wu.
He took a deep shaky breath and smiled brightly at Lunar, knowing that he probably wasn’t being all that convincing, you know, considering their bond; but damnit if he wasn’t going to try to feel better - better in general, better about this, better about himself, damnit - to make this easier on the other silver.
“I… sorry. I know this is probably really basic shit for you and I’m appreciative of the information, truly it helps, but I mean… in general I do not even know what an Imprint is. I know it is a bond and that those that got them defected usually, but. I don’t know what it means. I don’t know why I feel like this around you, and no, I’m not talking about your emotions here and I-” he takes another breath and closes his eyes.
Cyrus looked between the two and bites his lip in thought. He comes to a decision, knowing that he’s not needed, so he heads the the back door, telling them that he’s gonna be in the garden.
If Lunar could use one word to summarize what in the everloving hell he was feeling, the word would be turmoil. His own nervousness entangled with everything Xichen was feeling and Gods if that didn’t confuse him, the thought of explaining this whole Imprint bond would end up giving him a headache anyway.
“So, um, yeah, right. My bad. I should explain it better.” He mumbled mostly to himself as he moved closer to the other silver without him realizing, naturally wanting to comfort the other. “Should we start again?”
Xi pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and just… breathed, for a second; moons. He really needed to get this under control. He reached with one hand back to the counter, grabbing his tea and taking a long drag. It wasn’t as warm by now, but that was fine. He set the mug down and wearily took his hand from his face, unconsciously mirroring and shifting towards Lunar.
“Sorry, sorry. Yeah. That would be good, I think. Sorry, I lost my cool there for a second.”
Cyrus soaked up the sun, breathing deeply before tossing his shirt onto the porch, working on the wet garden quietly. He sings quietly to himself, hoping that they’re alright inside.
“I get that,” He sighed, “Well, anyway, yes, Imprint is a type of bond, as you already know. It’s…think of it as a Link, but a Link between two, or sometimes more than two, souls.” He struggled to get his words out as he thought of ways to explain this.
“And it connects us in no other bonds can reach. Because of the Imprint, I am anything you want me to be.” He looked at Xichen, looking for any confusion in his eyes.
“Ah…” he murmurs, daring to glance up at Lunar’s eyes. Eyes that he’d been disgusted at in his own face, but were beautiful as the sacred moons in Lunar’s.
“I… I see. I still don’t really know what that means, but… okay.”
He couldn’t help but think, though, that he’d be whatever Lunar wanted him to be, too.
“It means…anything, really. A guardian, a protector, a companion, a brother…” he trailed off when he thought of the last most common categories, hesitating a bit before he continued, “sometimes even a lover. The Imprint brings both ends a higher understanding of each other, if you will.”
He looked at the othe silver almost hopefully, but knowing that the other would not know what he wants him to be yet.
“…Okay.” he breathed. “I think we had that covered already, considering,” he gestured to their matching coloration, “and whatever gods deigned this connection went a little overkill, but. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I can do that.”
“Well,” he huffed out a laugh, thinking back to his sheer panic and surprise when he found out who the everloving fuck he Imprinted on, “The rest, I guess, we can figure them out along the way? You already know some of it. Being able to feel each other’s emotions and stuff. Distance…physical distance hurts if we’re far apart for a long period of time, as does emotional distance if we get into a huge fight without apologizing and communicating.” He started rambling about all the things to be cautious about, feeling a bit bad for Xichen. After all, the other didn’t have a choice but to be bonded with him. “And, uh, I can sometimes feel your physical pain too. As far as I know, that doesn’t reciprocate.”
Xichen grinned for having made the other laugh, and nodded along. All of this made sense at this point, at least. “That should all be fine. We live together, anyway, and I can’t see us having such a huge falling out and not speaking…”
He winced when he mentioned the physical pain, eyes glazing ever-so-slightly as he was transported to his days of torture and battle and so much fighting all of the time.
“As for the pain thing- I am so sorry. And I guess this isn’t the first time I’ve been happy that we’re probably never going back home, heh.”
“I can share that sentiment.” He hummed along, thinking about his sister and wondering how things were with her. It had been only a few weeks, but he already missed her loads.
Lunar shook his head as if he was getting rid of that bit of nostalgia. He took another sip from his cold tea when he felt the panic peaking in his Imprint bond, almost instantly he hopped off the table and walked over to the other silver, steadying a hand on the other’s arm in attempt to comfort and ground Xichen.
And gods if he didn’t relate to that.
Xi blinked a few times, shaking his own thoughts from his head before Lunar placed a hand on his arm. Almost instantly the thoughts were gone, replaced with -
Oh. Huh. He was calm now.
Okay then.
He smiled weakly, hesitantly - this was all still so, so new. “Thanks, Lu.”
His eyes softened at the nickname, his Song soaring with content. Lunar smiled back, “anything for you, Xi.” The phoenix gently squeezed the other’s arm, feeling happy that he calmed his Imprint down.
He looks to the floor, his cheeks glowing faintly with his cursed silver blush. He cleared his throat, willing his eyes to pretty please not glow with whatever-the-fuck emotion he was being assaulted with now.
Yeah, okay, this is fine, everything is fine,
“I, ah… yeah, so, if you don’t need to talk about anything else, I will go… check on Cy, then.”
A small smile climbed up to his face when he saw the glowing blush, but he knew better to point it out. No need to push it. His inner phoenix chipped with satisfaction as he leaned against the counter.
“Of course,” he nodded, “and, uh, I’ll just, go back to my room for a bit, I guess. Holler if you need me.”
He waited until he got an response from Xichen before he left the kitchen, the tea in his hand became cold long time ago but his heart truly warmed up for the first time in...many years.
source
“Some people feel like they don’t deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.”
— Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild (via books-n-quotes)
the moon today
Lunar Silverdawn Xing
Tianmen, Hunan, China
Lunar snuggled in between @the-sun-bird and @honeyedfrost with a huge fluffy blanket, his eyes locked on the big screen in front of him. He loved movie nights. The tiny hatchling sipped on his hot chocolate and sat back a little, humming happily at the background music of the show.
xichen yawned, fighting to keep his eyes open. between how relaxed the kid was and days of dealing with both work and a kid, he was just… tired. content, yeah, but tired. he resisted the urge to just… keep his eyes closed after he blinked.
Cyrus himself was already in a light doze, arm holding Lunar close with fingers barely holding on Xichen’s hoodie. He’s been a bit drained from everything, but was glad that he happened to tuck both Lunar and Xichen in with the big blankets.
Unaware of the tiredness of the two dragons, Lunar happily babbled on about his excitement over the movie. Growing up, he had never seen any shows like this. He thought that he enjoyed it. He wrapped his wings around himself comfortably and curled up even more, his whole self almost being swallowed by the blankets and pillows.
xi grinned tiredly, murmuring agreements with the boy when he turned his stream of comments to him, his eyes slowly sliding closed.
He snores against Xi’s shoulder quietly, having fallen deeper asleep. His body temperature rises and he becomes more lax and cat-like.
Lunar stopped midphrases when the magic anon wore off. In a mysterious light he turned back to his usual self. He felt slightly disoriented at first, but then the memories caught up with him and-
Oh the Sun, what the fuck did he do?!
He sealed his wings back instinctively and groaned, feeling his strengthened Imprint bond pulsing with his magic. Almost instantly he stood up, the movie and hot chocolate long forgotten.
He needed to flee.
xi bolted upright at the shot of pure panic that raced through him as Lu changed back to normal.
oh shit. moons. shit.
“Lu…?” he reached for the boy’s sleeve before gasping and pulling his hand into his chest. “Shit, Lu.”
He falls off the couch and startled awake when he accidentally hits himself. He sits up and rubs his cheek, looking at them both in confusion.
“Guys? Are you okay?” He asks, voice rough.
His breath became more and more rapid as he almost dashed out of the room, unable to look back to either of them. And for the Great Fire he already made his Imprint feel bad! He tried to shut off the bond, to cut off the connection, but his magic wasn’t in his control at all. He stumbled back to his room and locked the door, trying to squash down his panic. The poor Phoenix was hyper aware of everything and anything that was passing through the Imprint bond, making his emotions even messier.
This wasn’t good. He didn’t want Xichen to find out. He never wanted Xichen to find out. It was supposed to be kept a secret. It was better for both of them.
But now that all went to shit.
okay. okay. he could do this.
breathe in, breathe out. deeply, now.
shut it down. now. panic had no place in this moment or in the waters of his blood.
calm down, xichen.
…and just like that, he was Fine. he turned to Cy.
“We will… we will be fine eventually, Cy, there are just… many things going on, and some need to be talked about at some point.”
he got up entirely, rolling to his feet and helping Cyrus to his own. he nodded to him, smiling, but padded down the hall to Lunar’s room. he didn’t knock, merely putting his back against the wall near his door and sliding down to sit cross-legged, head leaned back. he… attempted? to send a message through their… bond, but he was not sure he succeeded.
you are okay. i am okay. we are fine. we need not talk about this if you don’t want to anytime soon, but i am here if you need me. if you need me gone, i can be that too.
Cyrus gives him a small smile before cleaning up the living room. He puts the blanket with hot chocolate on it in the washing machine and sets the mug in the sink before going upstairs to join Xichen.
“The movie’s paused if you guys wanna continue watching it” he says, sitting down against the door.
Lunar couldn’t make up anything that Xichen tried to send through the bond, but he could tell the other was trying to calm him down. He leaned his head against the doorframe, trying to regulate his breathing pattern. It was okay. If his sister could go through this, he could do that too.
But it’s a dragon. It’s The Dragon.
He groaned lightly, cursing at whatever evil force that he believed for this messy situation.
Well, it couldn’t get any worse than this now could it.
He mocked at himself silently, still trying to gather u his scattered thoughts. There weren’t any other choices now. Guess it was talk time.
xi continued to breathe calmly, putting himself in a near-meditative state as he felt the spikes and gradual falls in the other’s panic. The best thing he could do for him right now was to stay calm, so that is what he did. he closed his eyes and simply… waited. for an invitation, for a ‘leave me alone’, anything really. for now he would just make himself available to the other boy.
Cyrus shifts and lays down, feet going up on the wall next to the door. He closes his eyes and laces his fingers, waiting for something, anything really.
As he finally got himself somewhat under control, he temporarily shut off his Imprint bond with his magic. The phoenix waited for another few moments before he felt like speaking again and half grumbled, “Give me a moment, alright? I’m fine.” He pinched the bridge of his nose before he followed up, “I’ll be out there in a few. Just, yeah.” He sighed deeply.
“好。” xichen murmurs and nods, though Lu had no way of seeing him. he paused. “You want me to go make tea or something? That could be good for ah… nerves. You know what, I may need tea…” he laughs nervously, rolling to his feet and rubbing at the back of his neck self-consciously.
He looks over at Xi and then the door curiously. He was quiet, unsure what he should do to help.
“Yeah, tea sounds nice.” He said as he stood up, “I’ll see you in the kitchen then.” After that, he dragged himself into the bathroom linked to the bedroom. He’d appreciate some cold water splashing to his face after that stressful situation.
annular solar eclipse
by Hiroki ONO
I could stay here for a while. 🏠 by Henri Kiviluoma