just need to vent a bit
I need somewhere to post the thoughts constantly going around my head these days.
when it comes to how I handle things, it’s usually not well. I get overwhelmed and have what I lovingly refer to as “doom-brain” which more or less is where my default thoughts are those of the worst case scenario.
for example: my dog cried out in pain a few times several weeks ago, and my brain instantly thought she was dying and it made me super upset. she was fine ultimately, we figure she landed on her front feet wrong and sprained/strained a muscle.
right now though, it’s hard to not default to doom brain, when there are far too many things up in the air still. long(ish) story short, my husband has a brain tumor and needs surgery to remove it.
perhaps there aren’t really that many unknown factors with it in the grand scheme of things, but it’s making it hard to plan out anything when we don’t know what kind of tumor it is (specific name of it, whether it’s benign or malignant/cancerous) and we don’t know when the surgery to remove it will be.
we do know where it is and approx. how big it is. and also that we’re set to go to The Mayo Clinic in MN for it. but we don’t know when we’re going how long we’ll be going or any of that.
apart from being scared and so unsure that his life will be cut super short because of it, I’m scared that he’ll come out of surgery with deficits, or not knowing who I am. or any number of factors that play into having to have surgery on your brain.
I’m trying my best to be strong for him because I feel like i need to be. This is happening to his person, and he has every right to be freaked out and scared, but when I talk to him about it he’s more concerned for those of us aroudn him and how we’re doing.
as for me, overall I’m doing OK. Sometimes it hits me like bus that the man who has been my other half for over a decade, might not be around until we’re both old and grey. but as long as I don’t fall too far down that rabbit-hole I do ok and I can hold myself together and keep doing what I need to do.
I’m hoping we’ll have more information soon just so I can keep feeling somewhat better.
