Diary of a Brilliant Mind

... Trapped in a ghetto, against Its will. My personal BLOG: Pangs, experiences, dreams and frustrations. www.MidnightNotebook.com

[lunaticgenius]

Mr Neville Asphall

Do you know what it feels like, to feel that your life is worth nothing?!…

To want to end it all?…

To feel that whatever you do, you will never be able to rebuild everything you built over the years?!…

Over 15 years, all that was written, researched, sewn, sketched, all the stage concepts and business plans…

Costumes sewn and embellished by hand, whilst big lusty fleas ate at me, in this bury street Edmonton flat of yours!…

Hundreds of hours writing and sketching stage concepts, projects, for my production company, my dance theatre company... Gone.

All the labour, the weeks on bread and water, so I could purchase beads on eBay: dance costumes gone.

All the sleepless nights, writing projects and funding applications.

All for nothing. They are now gone.

Those scores, those portfolios, those papers: they were my companions, my life, my reason for living.

My first composition exercises, my very first pieces, were the product of utter resilience: they had been the one survival tool I had, during a very sad and traumatically period of mine. Gone.

My fathers memorabilia, photos: gone. 

My fathers money, a few hundreds: gone up in smoke, trying to deal with flea infestations. Gone.

I had no friends, except for one or two. I couldn’t afford to socialise: but I held my head up high. I could go out in nice, suitable, flattering clothes. I had no wealth, no love: but I had my projects, my intelligence, my hope for the future. I had my dignity, my existential truths.

Now I have clothes from charity shops, whilst for a year I had only torn leggings and shoes, with flip flops to wear throughout the winter.

Those clothes don’t fit very well, let alone flatter my appearance.

All my friends and acquaintances, even the lower achievements back at school, have got clothes, a house or a flat. They look well-put together. They look forward to their day, when they wake up. I feel trashy and stupid, worthless, in front of them.

Mr Asphall, I asked for my clothes when winter approached, following my eviction. I was ignored, several times, for 6 months. Then was summoned to come and pick whatever was left, within a week. What was left was a pile of dirty, rotten fabrics, for they had been sitting on the floor all along, and I had been nowhere near to handwash them as before. 

Mr Neville Asphall, you have a yacht, a Porsche, a Bentley, which you arrogantly flash on your WhatsApp account, for all your tenants to see. You have a penchant for cruelty and selfishness. You have all the traits of a sociopath.

You tried and tried to sleep with me against rent arrears, you forced yourself on another tenant and claimed she was up for it.

The more I try to get over that dark period of my life, the more I realise it is too late to build everything back. I strived against injustice, poverty, loneliness, depression, loss, tragedies, and unequal opportunities. I built, with my hands, powerful walls of resilience. I built and excellent portfolio for myself, and tools for a living. 

A genius IQ, a beautiful body, a stunning 5-octave voice, an extreme willingness to work hard to get there: all thrown out the window. By a mediocre landlord, who cannot even provide decent living accommodation for people who pay for his services. Blocked toilet? Who cares? For 4 years. No heating? Who cares? For 2 years. Broken fence? Neighbour harassing me about it? Tree needs cutting? Neighbour harasses me about it?… Who cares?! For starters, I nearly lost my mind over those flea bites and the 30 plus remedies I tried against them. And my skin, too, thanks to the tamarind paste. Lost hundreds of hours of sleep, following a very slow recovery from chronic insomnia. 

Now I find myself lost again, not sure what to do with my life. At all. I am 44. What do I do, start again from scratch, everything I had done from age 14?!

An all-time low, just wanting to end it all, tired of desperately looking for that horizon.

I want you to know, that You had a major 85% part in this, my rotten state of mind, right now. The other 15% are just me being fair and impartial.

Go to Hell, Mr Asphall.

This affair will never leave you, whatever happens to me. Ever. No one will let you get away with this, wat you did to me, over and over again.

Go to Hell.

[midnightnotebook]

Genius way to approach MacBeth analysis and synopsis See the whole channel. Pretty brilliant!

[lunaticgenius]

Fairstore and G&E Property: the dirty deed

I have been bleeding from within for around a year plus. I have been stressed out of my mind for longer than I care to think. Depression has only eluded me, because I forced myself to be numb, day after day, week after week; since May 27th 2015, my eviction. Temporarily. Then it was back. I have been endlessly wondering where my belongings were, ever since: my work, my childhood, my beloved textiles, my business papers, my research notes, and my only friends in the whole world: the orchestra scores... My clothes had also disappeared, except for a few which I had managed to grab on the way out. My dance outfits, which has taken me years to sew and bead by hand, my paintings, my fashion portfolios,my entire environment: gone. I recovered some of those in a storage unit owned by then charity Storefair, now plain Ltd company Fairstore, in Romford: only to lose sight of them again, as Fairstore apparently reshuffled everything, and moved locations. At the time of course I had absolutely no idea of what was going on, as they somehow ignored my emails for a year: only vaguely answering a few, never giving me reassurance that my possessions were still in their storage. Their website was also down for quite awhile, so I was really scared, and started to enquire around: charity commission, companies house, liquidators... Fairstore/ Storefair treated me in such a cavalier fashion that I ended up contacting companies and charities featured on their home page as their clients. After I asked them what their experience had been with the storage facility, some of them told me they had actually never dealt with Fairstore before. They then asked to be removed from their site. It was then I was approached by staff at Fairstore urging me to "retract" my emails to those companies. I had also contacted a journalist who asked Fairstore's office a few questions about the issues as raised by myself.

Staff member James tried to negotiate with me against any negative publicity, and offered to let me collect a few things I needed for work: things I had been asking for for many months. Samantha Mahoney, the boss at Storefair/ Fairstore found this list "insulting", upon her return from maternity leave, bang on the day I was meant to drop by: business cards, costuming material, makeup box, artwork material. Insulting she said. She was also accusing me of "blackmail" and "threats", and boldly stated that I had "not paid a penny", obviously not checking the account for the £150 I had sent months ago, when I was desperately trying to offer more once I knew my belongings were still there. I was treated by her like some source of harassment, some undesirable bother. She promised she would not be "as easily intimidated as her staff" by me, and took a hostile attitude I would only attribute to trivial pub fights. Openly defending my ex landlord Neville Asphall and verbally turning on me, she reminded me more of an angry, vindictive Mafia boss than someone in charge of a business claiming to assist homeless people and battered women. This has only increased my pain and daily worry. I have been given some stupid ultimatum to pick up my things at their new address within two weeks, before it's gotten rid of. The exact same trick was played on me by landlord Neville Asphall, who casually ignored my pleas to collect my costumes or winter clothes for a whole 6 months, only to then order me to collect what was left at the property within a week. The same evil, twisted, cruel roller-coaster suspense pattern of Russian roulette has been played on my life and mental health by those two parties. I strongly believe those betray strong malicious intents: those destructive actions have taken their ugly toll on me for many years when I lived in Mr Asphall's accommodation; then this carries on after the eviction, in many ways... Sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, poor physical health, no decent clothes for work or social occasions... The horror story continues.

[lunaticgenius]

Emotional vampires and how to tackle them.

Short thought for the day video.

[lunaticgenius]

Solutions tried against fleas over the years, with Neville Asphall/ G &E Property as landlord. Edmonton, North London

Over the years, I became so desperate to defend myself against serious flea infestations, that I spent hours googling solutions as per advised by various people worldwide. I spent time in the pound shop looking for cheap solutions, thinking through what should/ could kill them or repel them. I also spent an increasing amount of money on more expensive solution options. The then landlord, Mr Asphall, his sister who also worked on the business, never helped. The council also ignored my pleas, and many complaints. I went to hospital twice because of cellulitis in my legs, in 2011. I was informed they were due to insect bites, and stayed in for penicillin treatment each time. Mr Asphall evicted me in May 2015, because of rent arrears, and then proceeded to sell the most marketable of my belongings. Some others he got rid of. Whatever else was put into storage by himself and or his staff were/ are being held in a different unit by Fairstore/ Storefair. I have been asking to be reassured that my possessions were still there for a year or more, in vain. Now Fairstore boss Samantha Mahoney is feeling “threatened” and “blackmailed” by me, after I wrote about this affair to various parties. The horror story continues, mercilessly adding psychological and physical torture to my already vulnerable person. Just as the fleas once did, for many years, whilst I was either trying to sleep, doing paperwork on my business, or sewing costumes. Incidentally, I have no idea what has happened to all of this paperwork or to those dance outfits, laboured upon in pain, whilst ruthlessly attacked by savage insect bites.

Here are a few items tried and tested against the critters, in that Edmonton flat:

• Cloves, on the floor • Eucalyptus ointment: Vaporub, on my body • Insectox black spray • Insecticide chalk, surfaces and my body • Tamarind paste, as used on cows in India: on my body and hair. That solution was All that worked in the end, as fleas resisted everything else. This left horrible swollen red marks and spots on my arms and chest, because of the acidic content and because of the pulling of the skin. I also had to wash very sticky and very stained clothes in a bathtub every day by hand, as the washing machine had not been working for many years. • Mothballs, on the floor: tons • White spirit: did not work • Wood varnish, on the floor: managed to trap in the stickiness for four hours till it dried, then more fleas moved in • Paint, on the floor: as above • Hair mousse, to smother them in the foam. Not brilliant • Apple cider vinegar: very temporary effect • Salt, tons. Only worked for awhile: they actually jumped around in the salt on the floor • Permethrin-based flea and ant powders: the animals developed a resistance over the years • Permethrin-based sprays, most brands: as above • Baking soda, tons • Professional services: con job. However paid with a great part of whatever my dad had left behind after recently passing. • Diet cola: did not work • Lemon juice and various citrus zest • Bleach, tons: did not really work • Washing up liquid, foam to smother the fleas: temporary effects • Malathion-based products: developed resistance • Melted candle wax, on floor: temporary • Cement, on the floor: temporary blocking of floorboard cracks, as quite badly done by myself. Mice also got in through at the time. • Nutmeg • Foggers and flea bombs: again, resistance developed • Vaseline on my body • Regular mopping and cleaning • Hair conditioner on my hair • Dimethicone • Talcum powder • Peroxide • De icer fluid • Wallpaper paste • Oven foam, to smother the insects • Cream cleaner product • Rosemary fresh, tons • Over heating the bedroom: had to stop after spending up to £25 on the meter twice, as neighbours upstairs would typically never go on holiday and I couldn't inconvenience them with the heat • Chilli flakes: not worked • Mint: no effect • Ammonia: not worked • Lyme: no effect

[lunaticgenius]

Fairstore, Unfair Storage, and the very Un-fairy tale of my recent London homeless life

September 2016:

Thanks to Neville Asphall, my ex landlord, and Storefair/ Fairstore storage unit, this is all I have had for shoes for the last 6/7 months. I am dragging these around to the shops, to work assignments, to go for walks, for casual meetings and to the library.

Fairstore are now being so obnoxious that Samantha Mahoney, boss of Fairstore I assume, is acting like a victim, accusing me of threats, intimidation, etc... Calling my small list of items I need to retrieve for work and basic living “insulting”. And openly sympathising with possibly the worst landlord in Britain Neville Ashall (G & E Property): no toilet for four years, no heating for two years, flea infestations for four years, hospital stays due to flea bites, no washing machine for four years, with me having to sleep on chairs for four years because of the fleas in the new mattress I was given by a fourth party.

Now the boss (I guess) is stating a bogus debt of £1,000 plus, giving me ultimatum of two weeks to pick everything up, all the way to their new address (which I was never told about at the time of moving)...

Never mind that I have lost everything I ever owned, including my research books, my business papers, my funding application paperwork, my paintings, my fashion portfolio work from age 16, most clothing, most dance outfits, my father's memorabilia: she is still crying wolf, and acting like this was a personal matter between myself and her, and being hysterical in her emails to me.

Appalling for any business, certainly disgusting coming from a company who used to be a charity but had to fold that, but who are still trying to advertise as assistance to homeless people and victims of abuse! 

Disgusting!

www.MidnightNotebook.com 

www.operaMadinina.com 

[lunaticgenius]

Jesus Christ Superstar

[lunaticgenius]

On rogue Landlords in London, featuring myself, July 2016.

www.MidnightNotebook.com

[midnightnotebook]

And then a hero comes along…

[lunaticgenius]

Hassle.com Cleaners: despicable

I worked for over 50 hassle.com clients for 4 months this year. I was treated like dirt by the non-agency they like to call themselves, because of a few clients lying about me and refusing to pay. In the end I texted the last one to express my feelings about his utter lies and accusations, mentioning I would get in disrepute with hassle because of his accusations. He contacted them and accused me of harassing him. They then decided to refuse me any paye AND cancel all my regular clients. The client had obviously no evidence to back his claim up, but they did everything in their power to act as his spokespersons/ lawyers. I had worked 4 hours instead of 3, without claiming any money for the extra time. The house was filthy and the bathroom tub and sink black with grime. The dog had left hair all over the house and the sofa. I took one whole hour to brush just the latter. There was no Hoover. I had to brush everywhere with a dustpan and brush. The clients were lying in the sun in the back garden whilst I slaved away for 4 hours. He complained that I had been late (bold lie), he claimed I had not done the dishes ( all filthy pans and dishes stinking of putrefaction washed by hand and put away) and that there was dog hair everywhere. The hassle people backed him up and refused to pay me, cancelled all my clients as some sort of sick vendetta. Another thing they do is encourage new customers to book regular shifts, then charge the cleaner £15 straight away! Meaning the worker gets paid £1.90/hour for the first two hours he/ she does on a new job, without any guarantee that there will even be any further booking with the client at all. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

[midnightnotebook]

Found this hilarious.

Cheesy as %##**, but hilarious. Superb creative writing.

[voguerunway]

Jason Wu Fall 2016. View the full collection: here.

[lunaticgenius]

Http://sandrineanterrion.wix.com/musicpsychology 

[midnightnotebook]

#allmannersofwrong

[lunaticgenius]

Http://sandrineanterrion.wix.com/musicpsychology 

[midnightnotebook]

Find your own truth, and your truth will set you free.

Daily thoughts by Lkndon life coach Sandrine Anterrion 

http://sandrineanterrion.wix.com/musicpsychology 

[sandrineanterrion]

Interpretive dance with veil

Astor Piazzolla tango.

www.SkaraSheba.com

[lunaticgenius]

Saw this and thought of the Queen of the Night. Can’t even remember the brand: classic icon, timeless, and easily-identifiable. They used card and textile with sequins. Kids costume idea, fashion student exercise: opera themes forever. And ever. Amen www.midnightnotebook.com

[midnightnotebook]

Drums and their psychological impacts

I was cogitating on various logistics around cultural drumming, in music… European symphonic orchestras use large drums covered in synthetic skin, with a cold, tight sound impact when hit by a stick. African or Latin drums are wooden barrels topped with sheep skin. Warmer, softer, longer echoes usually follow impact with bare hands. Arabic tablas are often plastic instruments, give a drier and more dynamic stimulus. I am interested in conscious and subconscious consequences on the human aural mind. Both from the immediate sound effect and the ripple-effect memory between two hits…. If that makes any sense at all? Listening to Mozart’s Rex Tremendae, I was wondering about the subconscious lingering sounds in the minute silences, after each timpani beat. Surely as anthropology goes, there must be some translation for the messages within those musically-painted human experiences: in other cultures, in other sentences, on other drums… Which are they? Where do we start exploring them?… To be continued. Www.Midnightnotebook.Com

[lunaticgenius]

New music psych site http://sandrineanterrion.wix.com/musicpsychology