Love, Cherry

silly little posts,poetry. and cooking!

[luv-cherri]

I wish there was someone I could talk to. I just dont know how.

im so lost in life, I have no direction.

I cant imagine a future for myself, I have no real passions in terms of a career. I genuinely cant imagine myself past the next year and I just dont know what to do anymore. it feels like everybody is soembody, everybody has a direction. they've made some sort of achievement and im 20 years old, with nothing to show for it.

I have no degree, I dont see friends, and I have a job thats so hopeless and draining I come home and cry constantly.

im jsut so fucking anxious and depressed all the time and I cant win, I just want to be okay and normal, but everything's only getting worse.

this is honestly near my breaking point

this is just me shouting into the void. I dont even know anymore. I cant afford therapy, so cheers.

[luv-cherri]

I sat in my kitchen and cried over you today.

sometimes its not my kitchen.

sometimes the sadness hits me in the worst places,

Iike when im trying to sleep

or work...

I think of you everyday.

some more than others.

and sometimes I dont cry.

sometimes im so angry about the way you did things,

for the suddenness and the lack of explanation

sometimes i just miss having you here,

I miss the way your laugh sounds

and the way you hug

I miss the way you made me feel

like everything would eventually turn out right

as long as I had you there

that i could really be cared about forever

I miss the way you looked at me when we laid in bed

like I was your world

like you could never imagine a life without me in it

I hate that you can

I hate that one day I was everything to you

and now we arnt even friends

how can we be strangers.

how can I pretend I dont know you

[luv-cherri]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBHHHBBBHBBBBBBHHH

[luv-cherri]

"just because there's no war, doesnt mean there's peace" - mystique, X-Men Apocalypse(2016)

you know the state of the world is bad when you are watching a movie about the oppression of minorities and injustice and it starts to feel a little to applicable to recent events

[luv-cherri]

love the delayed hangover that comes with drinking and having pots

[luv-cherri]

when I'm unable to sleep, I dress up in fashionable y2k inspired fits, listen to music and pretend I'm buffy the vampire slayer

[luv-cherri]

I thought I had time.

I thought I had more time to find myself, to know who I am, to find my direction.

I thought i had more time to decide, before life revolved around work and I became an adult

now here I am, 2 weeks from my 19th birthday, and I'm full of dread.

all my friends are out exploring, discovering, learning. and here I am, getting ready for another night at work, a dead end job making minimum wage, no school in my future

makes me wonder what happened, to the excited little girl who had so much ahead of her.

the one who wanted to be a doctor, who was good at school, who had more friends than she knew what to do with, who was happy and curious about the world.

I thought I had more time to be her.

I thought I knew where I was going, that I was going to be successful. or at the very least passionate.

I thought I had more time to know.

[luv-cherri]

TIMW TO GET READY FOR MY FAVOURITE TIME OF THE YEAR!!!!

✨️🍂FALL🍂✨️

[luv-cherri]

when the cheonic illness hits and suddenly you feel useless.

im bedridden again for pain i dont understamd, missing out on work and things and im going crazy

[luv-cherri]

SAVE A HORSE, LET A COWGIRL RIDE!

[luv-cherri]

GOD HES SO FINEEEEEE.. GOD DAYUM HES SCULPTED BY THE GODS CAUSE DAMN IS HE THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON!

I cannot get enough of how gorgeous he is god damn I have to be the luckiest girl in the world

[luv-cherri]

I have decided to redecorate my room, and decided to start with the shelf around my room(I don't have a bookshelf, but I do have a weird lip around half of my room) I didn't account for how much work it would be to climb up on my bed and take them all my books down, sort them, and then put them back up, many regrets already

[luv-cherri]

I am MISSING multiple books, upwards of 6. I know it has to be above that number because those 6 are missing from two different series, but I know I have more than those ones, so where have my books magically gone!!!

[luv-cherri]

I have decided to redecorate my room, and decided to start with the shelf around my room(I don't have a bookshelf, but I do have a weird lip around half of my room) I didn't account for how much work it would be to climb up on my bed and take them all my books down, sort them, and then put them back up, many regrets already

[luv-cherri]

Slide shows are difficult :/. I've been working on this for 2 days and I'm not finished yet :/

[luv-cherri]

Thinking about how my boyfriend has a photo of me in his wallet. Kicking my feet and giggling. I'm gonna marry this man

[luv-cherri]

Chat I love my boyfriend so much. He's so pretty and absolutely FINE as hell. He treats me so well and honestly how could I ask for a better person ? he's sweet and roamntic and cares for me so much

I am so in love with him guys you just wouldn't understand

[luv-cherri]

Finding yourself as a person is difficult when your whole life you've been told who you should be. It's like being even further behind. I feel like it's too late to be searching because I'm already expected to know