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About a girl. | February 2018

12/03/16 // flora

A few years ago, I used to cherish my alone time. Time that permits me to exclude myself from all the distractions I could hardly ever get away from, from all the people who never actually wanted meaningful relationships, from all the thoughts in my head that stirred me away from the ones who truly cared. I yearned for that time.. a lot.

Funny enough, now that I have more time in my hands - I have trouble occupying my time and especially, myself. For one, I realized that I have spent more energy trying to create plans and have new experiences with my “friends,” while I receive very little in return. All of my unrecognized efforts has wasted away my motivation and consistency to maintain these relationships. Yet another, I am secure with what I have and who I have which lessens my desire to fill this stretch of time with anything thrilling or unfamiliar.

I worry that I’m losing my sense of adventure, my desire to explore, and to create art. I worry because these are things that make me happy, that make me motivated.

Finally, I realized maybe all this time is given to me in order to reclaim myself, to rebuild pieces in my life that needs fixing, to continue with life so that I am never in one place.