Hannie's Wife @luvyblossom - Tumblr Blog

Love me (not) Part 8

Hello Lovelies,

Welcome to part 8! Hope you all enjoy!

xx- Luvy

Ps comment on the masterlist if you want to be included in the taglist

Genre: Friends to lovers, college au, jealousy, SMUT, some mutual pining, fighting/angst

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Hyunjin x y/n, Felix x y/n (AFAB)

Warnings: This work contains content that is 18+. Minors DNI (not in this part, though). Reader is self conscious about her body.

Let me know if I missed anything

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You checked the paper over one last time before hitting submit. You closed your laptop triumphantly and gathered your things, walking out of the exam room to the sun and blossoms outside. Leaving the air of anxiety behind you. Weeks of studying were done and you could relax by the beach and party with your favourite person.

Wait. No. With some of your favourite people you. When you got home, you started to dump clothes into your tiny suitcase. It was mostly just bikinis, two books you'd been wanting to read, some cute outfits and finally, a really hot mini dress. You didn't party often but spring break was one of the times you were willing to go all out.

There wasn't much time, you all were leaving tonight so that you could get the most out of the short break. As soon as you finished your packing you heard the honk of the familiar car horn and a text in the trip groupchat letting you know they were here. You dragged your bag down.

There were 2 cars and you smiled as you saw Hyunjin. You always went with him but as you started to approach you saw someone else sitting in your seat.

You stopped in your tracks, Jess. Your grip tightened on your bag as you processed that she was there. You were like a deer caught in headlights. You didn't know whether you should run back inside with or without your bag, it would slow you down a bit.

Seungmin rescued you, getting out of the other car and taking the bag from your hands. "You can ride with us don't worry."

It was like he could read your mind. The other car was packed full. Jeongin, one of the boys friends had joined as well and he had been assigned the middle seat between Han and Seungmin. Nobody wanted to ride with Jess and Hyunjin.

Chris sat in the driver's seat and nodded as Seungmin loaded your stuff into the car. "Han, you’re going in the other car."

As Han started to whine, Hyunjin rushed over, trying to grab your bag from Seungmin, "Y/n is coming with me."

As childish as Han could be he stepped in when he was needed, he quickly got out of his seat. "No Jeongin and I are gonna ride with you guys." He dragged the reluctant Jeongin out behind him, mouthing 'You owe me' to you as they both left.

You finally stopped tensing, taking Han's spot, giving Chris' shoulder a squeeze as a thank you. Your phone buzzed with a text from Hyunjin but you didn't open it, pretending you hadn't seen it.

You sat silently as you all started on the road. The vacation you were so looking forward to now felt like you were living in a nightmare. You wished you weren't going. You had no interest in following Hyunjin around as he cozied up to Jess the whole break. Why did he even bring her?

Were they? No. The realization dawned on you, a possibility you hadn't considered before, could they be dating?

An emotion overwhelmed you that made the dread you were feeling seem like nothing. A deep pain that you hadn't felt before, a loss, a sadness you couldn't describe. You let out a sigh, hoping it would somehow force out the pain with your breath. That's when you realized that the air in the car was heavy with tension, Seungmin and Changbin were looking at you and you could feel Chris's eyes watching you through the rear view mirror. The car had been silent and you'd been too lost in your thoughts to notice.

Chris broke the silence, "Are you okay?"

You let out a nervous chuckle, trying to seem lighthearted but it fooled nobody, not even yourself, "Yeah why wouldn't I be?"

"Well Hyunjin brought another girl-" Changbin was cut off with Seungmin kicking the back of his seat. Forever the innocent and straightforward, the poor guy took the signal to shut up.

"Why would that matter? I'm great, I can't wait to read on the beach," You gave them all the most genuine smile that you could conjure. It must not have appeared that great though since Seungmin took your hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"We'll spend time together. You don't have to worry about them. It'll be nice to not have Hyunjin trying to hog all your attention anyways," Seungmin gave you a look, as if trying to telling you that it was okay to admit that you weren't okay. That it was okay to talk about it.

You didn't want to talk about it. There wasn't anything to talk about, "I get the aux!" You declared. Seungmin let out a groan but that didn't stop you from starting your playlist. The boys acted like they were too cool for the mainstream pop but pretty soon you all were singing at the top of your lungs. You still felt whatever it was, swirling through you, but at least with them, you could push it down.

You fell asleep at some point, draped over Seungmin. He was frozen in place hoping you would wake up since you had reached the beach house. He was a menace, but he couldn't bring himself to disrupt your peace. You tried to hide your feelings but he was your friend, a better one than Hyunjin in his opinion. He loved his frat bro but he could see how you were hurting and he wouldn't let Hyunjin keep doing that to you.

Hyunjin had whined the entire time you had finally moved on and after he won he just went back to his old ways. Not to mention, none of them liked Jess. Hyunjin hadn't even let them know, he just showed up with her in tow. You had the right to be angry and if you weren't, Seungmin was angry enough for the both of you.

You were startled awake as you felt strong arms wrapping around you and lifting you into the air. You opened your eyes to Hyunjin's face, almost smiling until you remembered where you were, who else was here.

"It's okay go back to sleep," Hyunjin hushed you gently, as he carried you in his arms.

You jolted, "No put me down."

"I'll get your bags in don't worry," Hyunjin was coaxing you. If this was his attempt at making peace you weren't interested.

"Hyunjin. Put me down. I'm capable of walking." Your voice came out harsh but it was effective. He put you down and you took your bag quickly following Seungmin into the house.

You claimed a room for yourself and sat down on the bed. Your chest felt heavy, you didn't know how you were going to make it through this trip. Maybe you could figure out a way to go home early, or plan activities to avoid everyone else.

You flopped back onto the bed trying to empty your mind of the thoughts racing through.

You heard a soft knock on your open door and sat up. To your relief it was Seungmin. "We're all gonna get ready for the beach,"

"You guys go, I think I may chill here. I'm pretty tired I could use a longer nap." You replied. You didn't wanna see them making out on the beach. You didn't wanna sit in your bikini feeling self conscious while they were eye fucking eachother. You weren't that pressed about your looks, you knew you were hot but compared to Jess with her Victoria's Secret Angel body you felt pudgy and undesirable, especially when she was all Hyunjin could stare at.

"You're coming with me Y/n. You're not going to sit here moping." Seungmin took a seat next to you at the edge of the bed.

"I'm not moping, I just wanna relax and nap after pulling all nighters studying." You flopped back into the bed, your legs hanging off the edge.

Seungmin mirrored your actions, laying down next to you and then turning to his side to face you, "You can nap on the beach." When you didn't answer or turn to look at him he continued, "I'm not taking no for an answer so get changed and let's go."

"Ugh I hate you," you whined covering your face but started to sit up. There was no point arguing with him once he'd made up his mind anyways.

He sat up with you, "I know that this is hard for you but don't let them ruin your fun. He's stupid that he can't see your worth but the rest of us are here for you Y/n. Let us take care of you."

You leaned your head on his shoulder, he wasn't cuddly but he still wrapped his arm around you.

You blinked back tears at his words, at the situation and at the pain that had been growing since you'd seen Jess sitting in your spot next to Hyunjin. "I don't know what you're talking about," your voice betrayed you, breaking as tears began to fall. Your eyelids hadn't been enough of a barrier to hold them back.

Seungmin didn't say anything. He just sat there with you and you appreciated the silence more than any words he could say and he knew that. He truly knew you, the way a friend was supposed to you. Where was Hyunjin during this, during your tears. He wasn't around, he was only there to suck up your love and attention and then leave you waiting. He wasn't a real friend. Seungmin stewed.

You felt Seungmin squeeze your shoulder, not knowing that it was due to the thoughts swarming through his own head, you took it as a sign to stop sobbing like an idiot.

You let out a nervous laugh, roughly wiping your face and turning to Seungmin with a smile. "I'll get ready."

He left, somewhat reluctantly. There was so much you had to talk about, so much you had to work through but he knew you weren't ready for it yet.

You reluctantly slipped into your bikini, sighing at your reflection and pinching your love handle, wishing it would disappear so you could be perfect for once. So you could look like the girls that ...

You didn't finish the thought; instead, you threw on a pair of shorts and grabbed a beach towel. This weekend wasn't perfect, but Seungmin was right. You deserved to have fun, and the boys deserved not to constantly worry about you.

-------

You lounged on the beach, sunglasses on and book right in front of your face, shielding you from the sun. You focused on the words in front of your eyes, listening to the gentle sounds of the waves and the sounds of the boys shouting at one another.

You were warm. Happy.

"Come in the water Y/n," you could hear Han calling for you. You never got more than 10 minutes of reading when they were in the water anyways.

You got up, running towards them. The water felt so cold compared to the heat all around you. You shivered but continued forward, losing some of the speed from before. As you approached the boys you were splashed by cold, salty water.

You splashed back, getting your revenge on Han and Changbin.

You could see Chris setting up the barbecue and bringing out the cooler with the drinks. "You joining us old man?" You called to him using the nickname Seungmin usually used to get on his nerves.

He shook his head, smiling but making no move to join you all in the water. You had a slightly diabolical idea.

You made your way out of the water, the hot air feeling good against your damp skin. You walked towards Chris smiling innocently as you approached him.

"You want a drink?" Chris asked

You didn't say anything but kept moving towards him, stretching your arms out. Chris' eyes widened in realization but it was too late as you lunged on him with your wet body. He let out a dramatic "Naur" in his thick Aussie accent as he felt the water soak through his thin shirt. You giggled and he didn't push you away.

They were all relieved that you could smile.

The moment was too short lived as you heard Jess' shrill voice more close to you than you ever wanted it to be.

"Ohh drinks, what do we have?" She asked, looking at Chris. Your back was turned to her and he protectively pulled you closed against his chest. You didn't want to turn around; you wanted to disappear.

"We've got beer and some other stuff. You can take a look." Chris always knew how to be polite while somehow letting a person know that he didn't want to talk to them.

You felt your stomach sinking. If Jess was here, then that meant he wasn't far behind. You didn't want to see him. You weren't sure if you could bear to see him ever again. You don't know why, but this time, the hurt was really deep.

You finally pulled away from the comfort of Chris' chest, determined to be unaffected. You smirked up at him as he looked down to where the wet white t-shirt clung to his abs.

"Wow Chris, I can tell you work out," Jess' voice came from behind you again.

He ignored her. "Ugh what am I gonna do with you?" he teased before flinging you over his shoulder and carrying you fireman style.

You screamed, "Nooo I was just doing a service to the female population on spring break."

He ran the both of you into the ocean, throwing you into the water partially and catching you before you could sink to the bottom. You both laughed, so hard that you could barely breathe. You were really having fun and any thought of pain was completely forgotten.

You splashed and floated and swam with the boys, jumping in the waves and trying to push one another. You had so much fun that you didn't think about Hyunjin or Jess. You didn't see as he watched you from his seat next to her on the beach.

He was uncomfortably aware of you. Aware of how much of your skin was bare. Aware of every time one of his friends' bodies pressed against you or their hands brushed over you. Aware of your skin against theirs. Aware of you leaning against Chris, bodies too intimately close for friends, as he floated you in the waves.

As evening approached, he was ready to burst.

----

You all sat around the campfire, drinks in hand after sunset. You were in a hoodie, not sure who's since you had stolen it off the couch. There was a slight chill in the air but the fire felt warm against your bare legs.

Hyunjin and Jess were there, but you had positioned yourself expertly so that you could only see them if you turned your head towards them. It was like they weren't there at all.

The day had been gorgeous, you had a good tan now and the boys had made up for whatever was happening with Hyunjin.

In all honesty, nothing was happening with Hyunjin. Yes you didn't like Jess but you had to get over it. She hadn't said anything nasty to you and Hyunjin had the right to like who he likes. You should be an adult about this. And while all rational thought in your mind made sense, you just could not bring yourself to turn to look at them. It was better to pretend they weren't there, and they didn't seem to notice anyways so it didn't matter.

You felt that feeling swirling once again, harder to push down now that he was near you again. You leaned your head on Chris' shoulder. He felt like your rock, grounding and protective. Next to him you felt like you disappeared from the eyes of the world and it's what you needed right now.

The moon was bright in the sky and the fire was starting to feel suffocatingly warm. You turned to Chris, "I think I'm gonna go for a little walk."

"Do you want me to come with?" He asked.

You shook your head, you could use a little alone time. Just you, the stars and the ocean.

You slunk away from the group, seemingly undetected and made your way to the shoreline. The tide had risen, and the sea was angrier than it had been in the daytime.

You put on your airpods, music filling your ears and drowning out all other sounds as you walked along the shore, letting the water run over your feet and feeling the sand shift beneath you with every step.

And I don't know what I'm crying for,

You breathed in the salty air.

I don't think I could love you more.

You felt the cool gusts of wind, a slight shiver running through you.

It might not be long but baby I,

You let the song take over, feeling the music wash over you.

I'll love you till the day that I die -

You screamed.

You were put down as quickly as you had been lifted up. The culprit babbled behind you, his voice becoming clear as you took your earphones off. You turned to face a shaken looking Hyunjin.

"I didn't mean to scare you, you weren't listening when I was calling your name."

"I was listening to music." you replied, "also just a thought- it may not be the best idea to sneak up behind girls and grab them in the dark."

His arms were still loosely around you, and he pulled you close to him, giving you that smirk that he usually gave before he made you blush, "I don't think many girls would mind once they found out it was me," he cocked his head slightly in that sickeningly adorable way. "Did you?"

Your pulse was racing with the proximity to him. You hadn't been this close in a few days, and that time apart had been enough for your body to let it's guard down. One touch from him was enough for your senses to forget the pain they had been marinating in, but you held back.

You turned to look past him, not meeting his gaze. "I thought I was getting kidnapped."

You pulled away, he let you go. You kept on walking and he followed next to you. You both were silent and the sounds of the waves were drowned out by the rapid thumping of your heart.

After what felt like an eternity to him, Hyunjin cleared his throat, "I feel like I haven't had the chance to speak to you at all."

He looked at you, but you kept your eyes pointed forward. "I thought you were busy with Jess. And I guess the boys kept me busy." You tried so hard to sound nonchalant, you're not sure if it worked.

Hyunjin paused for a bit, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "Y/n about Jess, I -"

"I just didn't realize you guys were this serious, guess its good to see you growing," you turned to him now, trying to flash him a playful smile. Every word, every expression you had to deliver in this moment felt beyond forced. There was so much you wanted to say to him but you couldn't.

Hyunjin was about to speak but you stopped him once again, "I think it's time to head back. I'm kinda tired." You turned back to the direction of the house and Hyunjin followed.

"Well you spent so long in the water, no wonder," he couldn't let it be that awkward silence between you both again.

"Chris is a very good swim teacher but I don't think I learned that much," you smiled as you recalled the day. Chris trying to teach you while the boys would interrupt with splashes. Hyunjin didn't like that.

"Yeah you seemed to be having a lot of fun," he bit his tongue before he could say more.

"I think I may have gotten a bit sunburnt," you admitted, smiling sheepishly.

"Oh so the queen of sunscreen, the one who always nags me about how I'll get skin cancer got a sunburn today?"

You giggled and Hyunjin beamed for the first time today. He was happy that you had finally smiled for him, because of him.

You both were back at the house, and as you crossed the threshold everything came crashing back. You were gonna go to your room and Hyunjin would go to his. He would go to sleep in the same bed as Jess. You felt like throwing up. You rushed into your room, leaving Hyunjin alone in the hall.

Climbing into bed after your shower, you were surprised to feel an arm laying over you pillow. You turned on the bedside lamp to find a half asleep Hyunjin sprawled over your bed.

"Hyunjin, what the fuck are you doing here?"

He didn't answer so you nudged him.

"What?" Hyunjin said with a deep, sleepy voice, his eyes barely open, "turn the light off." He pulled the covers over his head.

You sat for a second, absolutely dumbfounded. Then you ripped the covers off his head. Hyunjin let out a little whine, eyes still shut.

"Hyunjin what are you doing in my room?" now you were starting to get angry.

"Trying to sleep," He mumbled.

"Hyunjin. Hyunjin! " You shook his arm until his eyes opened and looked at you, having the audacity to appear annoyed.

"What is it? Let me sleep."

"Why are you in my bed?"

"Trying to sleep, duh," even half asleep the man stayed sassy.

"There is literally a girl, that you brought with you on this trip, in your room. Why the fuck are you here?"

"I don't wanna sleep with her." He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why? Did you guys fight or something?"

"No," he pulled the covers over his head again.

"I-, I can't fucking stand you." He had already dozed off again, leaving you fuming while he colonized your bed. You didn't know what to do, but you knew you couldn't sleep next to Hyunjin.

You shoved Hyunjin's arm off your pillow and grabbed it. He kept sleeping. You swore he could sleep through an earthquake.

You thought about where else you could sleep. Han and Jeongin were already paired up and Changbin had taken the couch. You tiptoed to Seungmin's room but he was fast asleep and starfished on the bed, there was no way you were squeezing in next to him.

Just as you were about to give up and head back to begrudgingly sleep next to Hyunjin, you saw a dim light on behind the closed door at the end of the hall. You crept to the door, giving a quiet knock and heard a voice, "Come in."

You saw Chris sitting under the glow of colourful LED lights scrolling on his phone. His chest peaked out from under the covers of his bed, he wasn't wearing a shirt. It hadn't seemed weird at the beach but now in the dark confines of his room, you felt a bit awkward asking to share his space while he sat shirtless in his bed. You wanted to turn and run back into your room but before you could Chris looked up from his phone.

"What's up Y/n?" He sat up a bit when he saw it was you.

You hesitated, not sure what to do in this moment.

"Is everything okay?" his voice echoed concern when you didn't answer right away.

"Yes everything is okay. It's just um," you hesitated, looking at your toes instead of him, "Hyunjin took over my bed."

"Are you fucking serious?" Chris grumbled.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't know this was your room- I just saw the light on. Actually, I can go; it's late anyway. Goodnight." You rambled about to scurry back down the hall.

"Wait."

You turned back around.

Chris patted the spot next to him on his bed. "I've got tons of room if you don't mind sharing with me."

"Are you sure?" You timidly stood at the door, hugging the pillow against your body.

"Yes I'm sure." He gave you a reassuring smile.

You still felt a bit awkward but you shuffled into the bed next to Chris. It was warm and you hadn't realized how cold you had been before.

"How come you're not asleep yet?" You turned towards Chris who had slid down to lay next to you, holding the phone above his face.

"I always sleep late," Chris managed to answer while texting. You thought you should leave him alone and turned your back to him. You weren't sure if this situation was much better than sleeping next to Hyunjin. You felt so awkward invading Chris' space and he still didn't have a shirt on.

You heard the tapping of his thumbs stop, then the bed shifted a bit and then it was silent. You started trying to relax, hoping sleep would eventually come to you.

"Y/n. You're still awake, right? I wanted to ask you something." You heard his voice behind you. When you turned he was looking right at you, face across from yours, rested comfortably on his pillow.

"What actually happened with that guy you were seeing? If you're okay talking about it."

Before you could answer, Chris' phone went off again and he lifted it to quickly text back. You took that opportunity to switch topics, "I should be asking you about your love life. Who's got you checking your phone every 2 minutes this late at night?"

Chris put his phone down again, "It's my cousin. He does repairs around the house for us. Since we're away it's a good time for him to get stuff done."

"You're texting him this late?" You asked, skeptical.

"He's a night owl too," Chris gave you a cheeky smile before waving his phone in front of your face to prove that he was in fact trying to set up maintenance for the house.

"You're so boring," you teased.

"That's why I need to hear about your guy! Hyunjin has painted him as some sort of evil mastermind that isn't worth the dirt under your shoe and apparently looks like a goblin." Chris watched you expectantly and you giggled a bit at the description but still hesitated a bit. "Y/n if you don't want to talk about it, it's okay. I was just teasing."

"No, I do want to talk about it actually," as you spoke those words you realized how true they were. You hadn't had a chance to talk about it with anyone, not really. Hyunjin just tried to comfort you but he hadn't given you the chance to talk about how you felt about Felix, about the whole thing.

You continued, "I don't know what Hyunjin was talking about, though. Felix was so sweet and he for sure didn't look like a goblin. Some may even call him angelic."

Chris scoffed at that.

"What? You don't believe me? Let me show you!" You scrolled through your phone, pulling up a picture you had taken of him. You hadn't gotten around to deleting the pictures of him, maybe because you weren't ready to.

You held up the picture to Chris and he let out a low whistle, taking your phone from you. "Okay I stand corrected. He's straight up pretty and, are those freckles? I've never seen freckles look so good."

"Calm down there, he's only just become single and I don't want to have to think about you being my competition."

"So why exactly did you leave this guy?" Chris asked.

"Actually, he broke up with me. I mean technically." You responded

"Never mind, as much as it pains me to say at the moment, Hyunjin was right. How could he even think to breakup with you?" Chan sassily snapped his fingers, making you laugh again.

"It wasn't him. I was the one at fault. I guess I didn't give him much of a choice," you looked past Chris, almost too ashamed to make eye contact with him. You hadn't been a good partner and you felt guilty. And you felt so stupid, because Hyunjin was here with some other girl. No - you stopped yourself, it had nothing to do with Hyunjin.

"I highly doubt that. Tell me what happened Y/n, let me reassure you," Chris had lost his playful tone now. He looked at you solemnly, urging you to open up.

And you felt safe, safe enough to not hide even a bit of what you felt.

"He told me that he loved me," you stopped. Had that really been the issue? You had convinced yourself that it had been, you couldn't bring yourself to question it now.

"And? " Chris probed.

"And I didn't say it back,"

"That's it? He couldn't handle that?" Chris asked incredulously. "I think you dodged a bullet. That's a serious red flag."

"Actually that wasn't it," you forced yourself to be honest. Poor Felix didn't deserve his name dragged through the dirt because of you.

"Well?" Chris was getting more and more impatient with all your silent pauses.

"He said he understood that I may need more time and he was happy to wait. But then he started to get weird about me hanging out with Hyunjin and then there was this whole dramatic fight and he decided I wasn't right for him anymore."

Chris looked at you deadpan.

"What?" You asked defensively.

"You have to tell me about the dramatic fight."

"Didn't Hyunjin mention anything about it?"

Chris just shook his head no.

You sucked in a deep breath preparing yourself to tell the story. This felt kind of miserable, maybe it was better to not talk about it. But under Chris' expectant gaze you forced yourself to keep talking.

"I'd told him I was gonna hang out with Hyunjin and we said goodbye on a really good note. And the next morning he came over and got really angry seeing Hyunjin. I think maybe he thought something had happened between us even though it's nothing like that and I would never cheat. But he was angry and he came up and punched Hyunjin for no reason without any conversation-''

Chris cut you off, "Fuck he did what? Is that why Hyunjin had that bruise on his face?"

You nodded.

"Tiny guy can really throw a punch," Chris looked impressed. "okay, okay continue."

"Well after that he stormed out and when I went to talk to him later about it he was still really pissed. And I may have said the wrong thing and after that he broke up with me." You hoped no more questions would follow.

"What did you say?" Chris dashed your hopes away.

"I may have told him I love Hyunjin."

Chris's jaw dropped, he propped himself up on his elbow, trying to collect himself at the revelation.

"No, no, no not like that," you rushed to correct whatever crazy ideas were running through his mind. "He was getting angry that I was defending Hyunjin after he punched him for no reason, and I told him that, of course, I would defend my best friend because I love him. Not like I'm in love with him, but I love him as a friend, and Felix can't just be out here punching my friends for no apparent reason." You stopped your rambling, hoping that you had explained yourself convincingly.

Chris had managed to get his jaw to shut, "I mean I can think of a couple of reasons why he would want to punch Hyunjin. Can't say I blame the guy."

"Do you think I was wrong? He never even talked to me about it and it took me by surprise but in any scenario I can't justify the way he acted, even if he was angry or thought the worst. He could have talked to me."

"You're not wrong. But do you think there might be a reason Felix lost his shit like that? I mean do you really think this relationship between you and Hyunjin is normal?" Chris asked.

Somehow a sentence that started as reassuring now sent you spiralling, "I mean I get that we're really close but even if he was jealous, he never really brought it up. And I know Hyunjin can be a lot sometimes, but he's part of my life, and he didn't do anything to Felix. And Felix didn't try to talk to me. He was happy to end it and I can respect that but" you stopped yourself before tears began to flow again.

Chris could see your eyes watering, but it's almost like he could sense how much you had pushed down. "But what?" He encouraged you to keep talking.

You blinked hard, pushing the tears back, "but I'm scared Chris. He was finally someone who thought I was worth loving and then it ended. What if that was my only chance? And I'm hurting so much but I don't think he's why." The tears fell freely and you closed your eyes, embarrassed at your sobs.

Chris reached out to wipe your tears, "hey now, look at me. It's okay to feel what you need to feel,"

"He was too good for me and I just pushed him away," you spoke through your sobs.

"Now that just isn't true. You are so amazing and I'm sorry that some people around you don't see how lucky they are to have you," he pulled you close and stroked your hair soothingly as you cried into his chest. "Cry if that's what you need, but don't you dare forget how loveable you are. Some people just don't know how to love you."

Chris let you cry, holding you close and letting you sit with your feelings. You were so grateful that you didn't have to sit with them alone.

----

You weren't sure when you had fallen asleep, but you woke up to the sun shining through the blinds. You rolled out of bed, slipping on the hoodie that had been neatly folded at the foot of the bed.

Padding down the hall, you followed the noise of chatter and the smell of bacon into the kitchen. Chris was cooking breakfast while Changbin and Seungmin were bickering about something. You sat down at the table.

Seungmin placed a cup of coffee in front of you, "Good morning."

You took a sip of your coffee as the boys kept arguing. You could see the bright rays of the sun and the calm ocean through the large windows. This place, at this moment, felt like a dream.

Hyunjin slipped into the seat next to you and in that moment you were so blissful that you forgot how pissed you were with him. You gave him your signature smile. The one that lit up his day. He was relieved to finally see it.

"You woke up really early today." Hyunjin said, reaching over to pat down your stray hairs. It looked as if you had just gotten out of bed. He looked at you a bit closer, your eyes were puffy as if you'd been crying. He said in a lower voice, "are you okay?"

You nodded your head yes, gulping down another sip of your coffee and conveniently avoiding Hyunjin's gaze. "I got up like 10 minutes ago. I think Chrissy is the one who was actually up early." You looked at him sheepishly, "Chris I hope I didn't disturb your sleep too much." You shrunk into the hoodie you were wearing, feeling embarrassed at the way you had broken down and probably ruined his night. "And I stole your hoodie."

Chris smiled over at you, reassuring you, "you could never disturb me. And I left the hoodie out for you, thought you might get cold."

You grinned back at him. You couldn't say you felt amazing, but being able to cry, not alone, had been cathartic. You felt empty and a bit hollow, but you also felt light.

Hyunjin had frozen beside you. His mind raced, taking in the information, and all his mind went to was you and Chris in the water, with his hands on you. He hated it. He placed his hand possessively on your bare thigh.

Now it was your turn to freeze. You felt Hyunjin's hand against you, fingers brushing your bare skin and sending shocks through you. Suddenly, the hollow feeling was gone. You felt butterflies, heat, electricity; you felt almost too much. You fought to control your breathing as you felt heat pooling where it shouldn't. He was your friend, he had been close to you so many times but this felt so different. You felt the urge to squeeze your thighs together and get some relief, but you resisted.

"Good morning," Jess' voice rung out as she joined your group. Nobody said anything back and you felt bad for her.

She came up behind Hyunjin and wrapped her arms around him. He moved his hand off your thigh.

Feeling like you could breathe again, you extended an olive branch to Jess, "Good morning." You tried your best to muster a smile and slid out of your seat. "You can sit here."

Jess didn't acknowledge you but took your seat. So much for trying to get along with her.

You took the empty seat next to Jeongin. Next to him, the air didn't feel thick like it did next to Hyunjin, and your pulse was normal.

Breakfast carried on and you avoided looking at Hyunjin and Jess. You even tried to pull her into the conversation a couple times. You didn't know what the situation was between her and Hyunjin, but if she was going to be around, you were going to try to be pleasant. You decided that you couldn't keep silently suffering. You had to go back to being okay and remember that Hyunjin was your friend. You should be happy for him, even if you weren't the biggest Jess fan.

You all eventually retired to your rooms. The boys wanted to go into town, but you were ready for a quiet day at the beach with a book you'd been saving for this break. You were lounging in bed when Hyunjin appeared at your door.

"Why aren't you ready yet?" He asked.

"I'm gonna chill today." You didn't look up from your phone.

"Nooo come with us. You're gonna get so bored here by yourself anyways." He had made his way closer to you now, sitting at the foot of your bed.

"I'm gonna go to the beach in a bit. I think I'll be fine."

"Please?" Hyunjin looked at you with those puppy dog eyes that made it so hard to say no to him.

"No I think I just wanna read on the beach today." You held strong, despite Hyunjin's pout tugging at your heart strings.

"But Y/n," he whined.

"No."

"But Jess really wants to go and I don't wanna get into it with her."

"Okay and? If she wants to go and you're ready to go then what exactly is the problem?" You asked, trying to kick him off your bed.

He grabbed your foot instead of moving, "I wanna spend time with you. And Jess can be so much, I can't handle it today."

Now you grinned at him, finally looking up from your phone. You weren't sure what had made you smile more: the fact that he wanted to spend time with you or the fact that he found Jess annoying. "That sounds like a you problem," you smirked at him now.

Instead of replying, he starting tickling your foot. You struggled, trying to get away, but laughing too hard to make any real progress. "Just come with me and you can end this," Hyunjin teased.

"You sound like such a villain," you managed to huff out between the giggles.

"Jinnie, Jinnie!" Jess' voice came harsh, the nickname sounding more like a threat than a term of endearment as she stood at the door trying to command attention.

Both your and Hyunjin's laughs died down as you looked at her. Hyunjin still had his hands on you and now one rested higher on your leg than it had before. You started to feel your pulse quicken.

"What?" Hyunjin's voice sounded a lot more cold than it had before, that playful tone he spoke with just moments before had gone.

"I think we should get going." Jess stood with her arms crossed at the door. Although she was speaking to Hyunjin, she looked straight at you with a scowl.

"Yeah, let's talk for a second?" Hyunjin got up and walked towards her trying to usher her away from your door with him.

"I'm coming," she said as he continued out of the room. Then she scowled at you once again, not moving from her spot.

"Have fun! The town is really cute and there's some nice shops too." You tried to be friendly once again.

"I don't know who you think you are but you need to stop throwing yourself all over my man." Jess glared.

"Uh no it's not-"

She cut you off before you could say anything, "I'm not threatened, because, well, look at you. It's not like you have a chance, but it's pathetic how you chase after him." Jess turned away and stomped down the hall before you could say anything else.

Damn she was really still just horrible. Maybe she just didn't like the fact that she walked in to find 'her man' with his hands on you but how the fuck was that your fault. You tried to let the anger dissipate. At least they would both be out of your hair for the rest of the day.

-------

You spread your towel out on the sand, ready to lounge in the sun with your cold lemonade and book. It was peaceful and the sun wasn't too harsh. There was a gentle breeze, just enough to keep you from overheating but not so much that you needed a hoodie.

You lay down, relishing the feeling of sand sinking beneath you as you flipped open your book. It was another saucy romance novel, nothing too complex but fun to read and a good little distraction.

After about 5 minutes of relaxation, the sun was blocked out by a looming shadow. You looked up from the page you were on to see Hyunjin towering over you.

You groaned, "I thought you were gone." You absentmindedly dogeared your page, a habit you had formed whenever Hyunjin would interrupt you to keep your place.

"I'm not," he said matter of factly as he roughly laid out his towel too close to you.

You scowled at him, "if you and your girl are crashing my beach day please atleast make out far away from me." The words 'your girl' left a bitter taste in your mouth and you cringed a bit as they came out much more harshly than you had intended.

Hyunjin gave you a devilish grin, "I got rid of her."

"You know murder is illegal right?" You tried to scoot away a bit as Hyunjin joined his towel in being too close to you. "I'm not helping you hide the body."

Hyunjin feigned hurt, " you wouldn't help me hide a body? What is this betrayal!" He rolled over, pretty much on your towel, sunscreened skin sticking to yours.

You lowered your sunglasses for dramatic effect, "What's in it for me?"

He turned on his side, propping himself up on his elbow facing you. His other hand rested just above your knee.

Your eyes darted down to his hand, swallowing hard you looked back up at him. His gaze focused on you, that grin was still plastered on his face and you were pretty sure he had seen your reaction.

"You know I'll give you anything, you just have to ask," he said it in a low voice like the words had a weight to them.

You let out an embarrassingly shaky breath.

He turned onto his back, hand coming off your thigh, "even if you wouldn't aid and abet me with a crime."

You let out a nervous laugh, pulse still racing even if he had moved away. You put your book up to your face, hiding behind it. Why did he have that effect on you? Why was your body burning and your face heating up?

The silence felt like it spread for hours as you tried to steady your breathing.

Finally Hyunjin spoke, not looking up from his phone, "she's not my girl."

You scoffed, you hadn't meant to but it just came out. "Really?" then in a mocking voice you continued, "Jinnie, Jinnieeee."

"No stop why do you sound exactly like her?" Hyunjin covered his ears dramatically.

You both finally settled into a comfortable quiet and you actually started reading again.

"Y/n?" Hyunjin spoke up once again. It was like he couldn't sit with the silence between the two of you.

"Mhm?" you turned your page.

"Did you sleep with Chris last night?"

That question sparked your interest a bit but you stayed nonchalant. "Mhm" you replied.

Hyunjin felt his heart sink all the way down to his feet. He wasn't sure he wanted to know but he still couldn't stop himself from asking, "is there something going on between you two?"

His tone made you look up. He didn't sound like his usual self, his voice was quiet, small. "Uhh no I just slept in his room. It's not like you left me much choice anyways." You responded.

"You could have slept in the perfectly good bed in the room that YOU picked." Hyunjin sounded so whiny that it made you burst out laughing.

"How could I sleep when there was a man sprawled over the bed that I picked even though he had a perfectly good room to sleep in?"

"So you'd rather share with Chris than with me?" He shrieked. You were sure that's what made the seagulls around you suddenly take flight.

"He has amazing abs by the way. I would rate the experience 10 out of 10." You said.

Hyunjin let out a huge groan, burying his face in his hands, "why are you so cruel?" his voice came muffled.

You giggled but those feelings started to spark again. He didn't know how cruel he could be.

________

This is an original work. I do not permit the republishing of this work in any form including translations.

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