"You fell right into my trap," the villain said. They didn't sound gloating, or even happy. In fact, they sounded worried.
"Y-you're going to lock me up, right?" the hero said hopefully.
The villain pinched the bridge of their nose. "Listen." They sighed heavily. "How do I put this. You're... More... Incompetent than usual."
The hero froze. "W-what do you mean?" They laughed nervously. "I-I trashed your lab. I got your henchmen to fight amongst each other. I even--"
"Yes, yes, you're still a thorn in my side, don't get me wrong." The villain frowned. "It's that you've fallen into this same exact trap three times in the last month. You know this wall shoots netting if you press a certain tile, and it's like... It's like you've intentionally been pressing it!"
"You expect me to memorize ALLLLL the little traps in your base?!" The hero scoffed. "Do you realize how WEIRD you sound?!"
The villain stared, deadpan, as they allowed a detailed map of their base to unfurl. Marked in red was every trap and trigger in the building. "Care to explain this?"
"That's not mine," the hero squeaked.
"Okay. That's it." The villain threw up their hands. "I'm letting you go. My henchmen will escort you out." They stalked over to an intercom on the wall.
"Wait, okay, fine!" The hero relented. They worried their lip. "I... The Agency... The Agency..." Their voice cracked a little. "F-fired... me..."
The villain stopped, hand hovering over the intercom button. "They what?!"
"They just..." Tears sprung in the hero's eyes. "Told all the other heroes I was compromised. They think I'm helping you."
"Why do they think that?" The villain snorted. "You're the bane of my existence. I can't have a moment's peace without you wrecking something."
"Yeah." The hero smiled, sadly. "Yeah, I am. But... They won't even talk to me."
The villain blinked. "Sooo... You're trying to... Prove yourself by being bad at your job?"
The hero flushed in utter shame. "Uh. No. I... " They laughed, high-pitched and strained. "It's warm in here. The cot in your cell is really comfortable. The food's not bad, either."
The villain's face pinched. "I give you stale bread and gruel."
"Yeah." The hero chuckled fondly. "It's filling, though." They curled into themselves. "They froze my bank account, evicted me, cut off my phone access. Can't even call my friends."
They shrugged. "Though, most of them work for the agency and have direct orders to not interact with me. So, there's that."
"You have nowhere else to go." The revelation was like a punch in the villain's gut. "You're homeless."
The hero bristled at that. "I'm just between homes," they stated defensively. "I'm working something out. It's temporary. I just need to get a new job--"
"You're hired." The villain set to work freeing them from the net. "Room and board in exchange for your work."
"...What?" The hero shrank back in disbelief. "No, I don't want your-- wait, really?"
The villain peered down at them. "This is not out of pity. You know better than anyone the weaknesses in my defenses, and you've seen my henchmen."
The hero cracked a genuine smile at that. "How do you know I won't betray you?"
The villain dabbed a tear from the hero's cheek. "... I have a hunch," they said fondly. "Besides, just having you out of my hair will save me so much on insurance."





















