celestrial vomit?

read w/ caution

[lux420]

monogamous

i learned about scaffolds in a poem and didn’t understand it’s metaphor for love but last night i climbed with you and did not stop climbing we were on top of your house close to the stars it’s as if, if san francisco wasn’t so foggy and if cop flashlights weren’t so bright we could maybe reach out on our toes and touch one i suck in my breath when u bite my neck and exhale defeated when you pull away if this is wrong i am wrong and my stubborn dominants they don’t want to admit that but they will, and if this is wrong i want the scaffolding to disappear beneath us i walk that tightrope between it and you fearful but you say “i’ll hold your beer” “take my hand” and there am i foot ahead of foot then at yours if the scaffolding disappears we’ll be stuck, i don’t have a cigarette i will smoke yours i suck in my breath when you bite my neck and then exhale that breath when you bite my neck and i suck in a breath when you bite my neck and exhale again again i’ll never see you again but it’s always better like this but when i see flowers i’ll think of you and i’ll think of you when i feel fingertips pinch at the skin between my shoulderblades wondering if two humans could have the same two hands i know it’s impossible but i hope

[lux420]

self destructiv babe

I am a writer

I AM A WRITER

I scream duct taped shut

who put down the barriers is laced with my blood

she's handicapped by her handy self hatred

digging into skin,

teeth hitting the pavement

somethings gotta give, I scream

beneath my restraints

tears dribble downwards

I pray to a saint, looming in the distance

but to no avail. my sordid attempts to save myself fail, as you expected

you know how I am

when shit gets Herculean I'm never enough

buried under the weight of my own wrong doing

despite the people that love me, the drugs that they're doing

I could never believe that they'd love me still sober ,

it makes me want to separate

and pretend I don't know them

and... I probably don't, anyway,

just what they let slip

after their fifth beer and seventeenth cig

ya I love chain smoking

ya I love booze

ya I love writing though there's nothing new

same bullshit sempre

although I'm always trying

each paragraph written feels like death or dying,

[lux420]

i havent written poetry in months and this is what i puled out of my asshole today enjyo

you fill me up forever you broke every single bone you choked out my lungs in me you dug a home out of my muddy slick material fashioned only from the stars and the bile that sit there settling beneath my buried heart you dug it out and upwards stared at me like prized meat and i your loving baby sat patient by your seat was blinded by the sunlight of your iridescent smile or the moonlight swaying lazily underneath the violet sky i had said it before babe that i was surprised that no monsters then drew near on that hallowed tuesday night you filled me with saltwater dude touched me like i was dear to you i felt everything i could for you i searched for any way to save you but you never looked behind or said goodbye and in my feeble attempts to restore any friendship that could have come out of this i’m reminded that i was always nothing even on that night when your fingers brushed my spine i thought nobody in their right mind could lie about this i asked you for answers but was always dismissed and how in the hell do i think of you still wonder what you’re up to see you sometimes in my dreams maybe we’re crying or hating on refried beans (yuck) in one of them i saw you across the street and we talked for a little bit

[lux420]

uggghhhh, gabe

life is hard

love is a battlefield

drugs are... uh ammunition

kale chips are delicious and also fake

[lux420]

tudo meu coração é .......

getting smoked out by

soaking in warmth like

wanting to close my eyes to

learning to love myself to:

breathing in smokey silence

loving with no constrictions

constricting my aching body

with the blanket around my body

your body,

telling me now it's different

telling you that I'm sinking

your ex lovers all hurt you

she stutters, shines, like the moon

getting smoked out by darkness

soaking in warmth like summer

wanting to close my eyes to

wanting to get to know you

wanting to end the silence

wanting to be really honest,

for once, I'm reduced to nothing,

not even a word escapes me

Wanting to turn off the volume

of speech says there's someone new

my heart completely belongs to

someone that smells just like you

[lux420]

a modern rewriting of a prehistoric poem

i’m sorry for my knobby knees, my stupid heart, always beating too loud, i’m sorry for breathing hot against the back of your neck. i’m sorry i chose stupid songs, i just saw the red on your wrist and i wanted to kiss the red, the red the red,

it’s not that i loved the feel of your hand near mine, i just hated the absence of it, 

and.

i think you held me tighter today, i think maybe i can convince you that i do love you, in between the scratchy sofa cover, tile floor, with a hundred percent of my heart, (the whole bits, the cracked bits, the discoloured parts and especially the broken bits)

[lux420]

buzzing atop a heaven-garnished throne my life falls apart in search of a home, cuz my home isn’t homey  i feel safe no more,  this home’s just a house with rickety floor. so buzzing and buzzing and weeping regardless vacuuming at the soft melt in the carpet  you said, are you ok? how are things on your end? encouraged me to let go, but then,  in my sob-sighted sadness, I looked at you deep, you’re inhuman in nature, but humanely sweet

(made of good pork and good beans, filling my head with dreams)

your home is the universe, changing on edge, one second immortal then mortal again, I admire you like waves crashing on sand, magnetic, electric, but why is unknown to man. affected by the moon, tides booming like thunder, u make me feel mighty, you’re pulling me under

[lux420]

seein shit, lovin it

high in the trees

close to the stars

driving for hours on paved roads in cars

exit to the left

first time in the snow

my eyes can't help but swell

in sight of earths holy glow

I never want to go back

bury me in the mountains

this is entirely new

I didn't know I was aching

I never want to go back

seeing shit, touching stars,

the moon trails behind

lonesome, like me,

but never too far

[lux420]

it was bittersweet

baring my barren heart

u make a remark

aBout my beautiful scars

bubbly like boiling blood

behaving like bees

buzzing in bramble

addicted to trees

with bloody and bruised knees

and a mark under your belly

I didn't believe you initially

I didn't believe you at all

[lux420]

i lack lovely lyrics

lemony liquor slivers thru

half hearted lust litters

the lilac sky blue

in life and life-after

our untimely life end

we leap over hiLLtops

and later, again,

[lux420]

I don't think you understand how much I love you

[lux420]

"life is tricky, let's hang out tomorrow"

[lux420]

"can I come over?"

"it's 2:33am you know you can't"

[lux420]

Don't Pull Me Under (excerpt from song)

don't pull me under

I don't know how to swim

I know you called me mermaid

but I wasn't taught as a kid

I just want to fix you

I saw the cuts on your arm

I didn't say anything

my heart was beating too hard

[lux420]

playing it safe

iiiiiiii,  sterilize my baby blue with rubbing alcohol baby slice down my skin so good it doesn’t hurt at all my dead self finger painting truth all the half truths I’ve told to you I’m just trying to be sad here I’m just trying to hurt myself I’m just trying to be depressed with minimal consequence

everybody’s dying, and with that logic what am I? a rotting human being with bad breath and two blind eyes I can’t see any shit anymore I can’t see hidden truth the world isn’t magic like it was I’m hurting so much, dude

I feel like I’m just getting smaller while the world grows and gains more $$dollarz$$ everything is fucking disgusting I can’t see good, I’m scrubbing hard the grime is getting just too thick but I somehow still aim for the stars. I don’t want to see my dad decay I love him just too much I’m aiming for the stars someday as if that’ll be enough

[lux420]

a song sorta for mr. Bowie

writers block fucking sucks I can’t write a goddamn sentence to save my life

I’m miserable without my mom who tells me to suck it up when things are going wrong (I love her tho)

david bowie died today in unified silence, the universe prayed

when I go, there won’t be a fanfare just the eyes of those who loved me,  but were never really there

I’m sorry david, you shone so bright, I wish they took my instead, that’d be just fine.

[lux420]

death is so frustrating how can it be ok than an important person dies every single day