[dreamstars]

[achillesinhighheels]

[dreamstars]

[savxge]

[purplevibesss]

[sc]

[seeraphina]

the aura these two photos in particular were giving and are still giving a decade later...

[devils-queen]

666

[achillesinhighheels]

[ohxxlapetitemort]

I both want to experience everything life has to offer and never leave my house ever again

[achillesinhighheels]

[zenmister]

Find Yourself in a Relationship

There is no better spiritual practice than trying to love another human being. The problem that we run into as we search for the love of our life, is that we don’t often approach love as a spiritual practice. We tend to approach relationships full of romantic ideals of what love should be. We have faith that, with the right person, love will take care of us. The mistake we make is looking for the right person outside of ourselves.

To find the right person, we have to be the right person. Fortunately, we are all the right person. We are each, uniquely, ourselves. That is who we have been, who we will be and who we are. Unfortunately, we don’t know who we are. We often think that we are something else entirely. We tend to think of ourselves as something worse than we actually are. That is because what we actually are is as good as it gets. When we understand that we are complete as we are, we don’t make the mistake of looking for somebody else to complete us.

When we understand that our view of ourselves is distorted, then we become curious as to what we actually are. A romantic relationship is a great mirror for finding ourselves. The first thing we should notice when we love somebody is that the love we feel for them is our love. The other person may have wonderful qualities that inspire love, but the love we actually feel is our own. It is the beautiful essence of ourselves. When we feel other things as we get into a relationship, those are also our feelings. When they are reflected back to us, we need to look at them as well.

A relationship will show us how we relate to our feelings. Because the feelings in a close relationship are extra intense, we can’t miss them. We will see which feelings we can handle on our own, and which we assign to others. We will see if we need to forgive ourselves, or be forgiven. We will notice how we feel when we are angry and how we feel when somebody is angry at us. We can explore how we relate to jealousy, rejection, criticism. We will create opportunities to be generous to see how that feels. We will be able to practice saying sorry when we make mistakes.

If we look to find ourselves in relationships, whatever happens will help us grow. If we look to escape ourselves in a relationship, we will only confront ourselves again and again and we will need to escape the relationship.

Love is a great safety net that allows you to be yourself without fear of falling. When you practice finding yourself in love, you will love what you find.

[luz-lunatica]

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

—

[luz-lunatica]

As scared as I am, As true as it is. I guess that’s all I can hold on to.

Because I know, I can promise you, you deserve far more than your past tells you.

[luz-lunatica]

Thank you, dear.

[luz-lunatica]

Skies, stars, and strangers

Oh what an odd, revolutionary time to live in.

To be able to look back on my online diary of all of my inner thoughts and memories from over 10 years ago.

We really do move in cycles It's so odd to see snippets of my simple, yet so burdened teenage self To know exactly what she was thinking, what she was running away from, To see how i've grown But also the ways in which I've not. The same glue still sits under my feet. The same craving for change yet feeling consistenly pulled back by the people around me, only to then continue blaming them for not pushing me enough. Girl, these people aren't doing anything. None of them are forcing you to be anything, nor do they really care where you go. Those who love you will support you and be there for you wherever you go, Those who don't care, well, they won't care. Nobody's stopping you. You've never been *that* important, and it's all good, thank god, even. I do understand her though. We just want to be loved. We want people around us that know us. It's hard to leave that for unfamiliar strangers that don't know you, and might not love you or care for you.

Love and care has always felt like such a scarce resource to me. Maybe it's because not enough of it was coming from myself. It is pretty sad. But I love my past self, even through her mistakes. I love her for trying, for expressing her thoughts out loud. In a way that was also taking up space. I hope I can make myself love my current self too. And the more recent past versions of myself, that I've been strangling to death for a while now. Oh, space. My ever existent fixation. To move through time and space. This has been my answer to the age-old superpower question since I was a kid. Back then it was mainly physical transportation. I loved being in motion, I loved cars, airports, trains.

Time only became an issue the less I started to have of it. It used to be endless, and I could spend it all doing fun things, challenging myself, and it would be so well used. The older I got, the more I felt forced to do things I didn't want to. Boring things that felt like a waste of time. I felt I had to protect my time like it was my most precious treasure. In a way it was. But I protected it by not using it. By procrastinating the bad things. Lord, look at where that's gotten us. I still managed to make it decently, though. I'm pretty used to my own self-sabotaging my way through the game. I'll still follow the railroad tracks, I'll just do it walking and breaking all the tracks apart, and laying them out in my own way, when I could've just taken the train. Or, I could've just walked. For some reason I find the need to do both. Because it's more important to me that *I* did it, that I carved the way myself. But at the end of the day, being very honest with myself: I'll always stay close to the tracks. I want to be around the people. I want some guarantee of resources.

Can I build that guarantee within myself? To find resources and people wherever I go? In the middle of the field, perhaps?

I've been stuck in this field for a while now. Sitting, staring at the sky. The last train left ages ago. There's only walking left to do from here on.

But hey, maybe I'll run into someone with a car I can hitchhike with. And maybe this journey will be twice as interesting as anything I've done so far.

Maybe this time, it will really feel like my own. This path will have my own name on it.

[lovehigher]

The Wire (2002-2008) dir. David Simon & Ed Burns (HBO)

[bebemoon]

ughhh fine *experiences emotional growth*