ofwnters:
PERHAPS IF HE ROLLS OVER & shuts his eyes real tight he can will her away. can forget she’s there long enough for her to be satisfied & go. but then she says it: don’t push me away, & it’s like a blade through the gut, pinning him in place. how often had victoria said those exact words to him ? or some variation of them ? don’t go / don’t leave / you’re my brother ; i need you / don’t push me away. lydia is not victoria, sure, & reid is not her brother, but there is a history here —— one that blurs lines & fudges his view just enough so that she & he may as well be. it makes it hard to do anything but look at her then. to peel his eyes open & away from his own self misery & see her, standing just a few steps away, tall & strong & incredibly misplaced in the mess that is his room. she’s grown up a lot, he thinks, now finally able to see her in person after years of limited phone communication. maybe a couple weeks ago he would have said he’d grown up as well, both of them now far cries from the teenagers they’d been, but unfortunately the reid from a couple weeks ago isn’t the same as the one from today. an anger bubble up at that though, but he’s not quite sure which reid to be more mad at : the one who foolishly chose to try & be happy, or the one that now sits, decomposing alive in his own bed.
it’s a long, drawn out silence, as if he’s happily taking her up on her offer of not having to speak, before finally, ❝ you look good. ❞ she looks like lydia, which is to say: perfectly manicured & upkept / doll-like / artificial. he wonders if the concealer on her cheeks is hiding tear stains. it’s not a question on if she’s been crying at all ; he knows she has. he knows they all have. ❝ i don’t wanna treat you like a fuckin’ therapist, lyd. ❞ he rolls onto his back, gaze fixing to the idly spinning ceiling fan above as his arms stretch out on either side of him. he keeps her in his peripheral though. ❝ if you’re worried i’m gonna do something stupid, don’t. this whole thing just tore open an old wound, you know ? just gotta wait for it to blow over, or whatever. ❞ but how does one wait for something like this to ‘blow over’ ? dark brows furrow at the thought, adam’s apple bobbing with a hard swallow. fuck. ❝ jesus, lyd … i mean, you don’t really think it’s her, do you ? ❞ reid’s voice trembles, & there’s something almost desperate about the question. he doesn’t believe he can trust his own eyes, but he can trust lydia’s. if she tells him it’s not vic— if she tells him they don’t need to go back, back to deep creek— he’ll listen. he’ll take the out. in fact, he’s begging her for it.
doesn’t smile at the compliment like she normally would , or a scoff would usually fall from her lips before an i know , filled with attitude . because as much as lydia may look perfectly polished , she’s not –––– she doesn’t feel good inside . in fact reid’s current appearance was exactly how she truly felt , could relate to wanting to waste away in bed however unfortunately , despite no longer living with them , her parents’ values were constantly on her mind . never show your true emotions . was it a healthy way to live ? lydia was smart enough to realise that it wasn’t , but it’s all she’s ever known and will continue to abide by . doesn’t say anything in response , because reid knows how she’s feeling too . it was just simple small talk . ‘ would that help you feel better ? ’ talking does help , at first she refused to say a word to her therapist ––– it took a while to open up and now , well now lydia couldn’t imagine not making an appointment . ‘ if you don’t wanna treat me like a therapist , don’t . but if you wanna talk about it –––– anything . i’m here to listen . ’ mentally eye rolls at her words , when did she get so selfless ? doesn’t remember ever offering free therapy to anybody else . maybe it was just reid . ‘ i get it , i didn’t watch the video at first , wanted things to stay the same . victoria was almost at peace but now the case is back open , people that don’t even know her are all over it again . so many bullshit theories , i’m getting dumb comments on my instagram again . she doesn’t deserve this , all these losers theorising about her disappearance . even though she would have adored the attention . ’
ghost of a smile haunts femme’s lips at her quip for a brief moment before face falls at reid’s hard hitting question . sighs before looking down at the other sprawled all over his bed , stepping out of expensive heels , she throws back the covers before sliding in beside him . would normally need to disinfect the place before climbing into a strange bed but today was the exception , reid and lydia were on the same wavelength , didn’t believe the position of her standing above and looking down on him would be helpful . ‘ you want me to say no , don’t you ? ’ she tells him , leaning her head against the male’s shoulder . ‘ that it’s definitely not victoria and we don’t need to go back there . ’ looks up at him through long eyelashes , before continuing with the words she wished she didn’t have to say . ‘ i think we need to go back , reid . i can’t tell you if it’s her , i don’t know . but if it’s not , it’s better to find out that it’s not so we can get some closure , rather than laying in bed , praying that it isn’t so we don’t get wrapped up in everything again . i mean , we’re already in it again so we may as well find out , right ? for sure . ’
