Summery: The contract of the 9 mercenaries of Mann Co. has expired after 5 hard years. The boys are looking forward to return to their families. But there is a clause in the contract that was not obvious
Home time (?)
In the early evening, the Mercs, laughing and chatting, return to their base in 2Fort in Engie’s Truck after successfully completing their mission. The golden evening sun accompanies them. In the last 5 years they have carried out many missions, fought, died, returned and fought on. Commanded by a woman of whom they only know the voice. The Mercs just call her The Administrator. There are loudspeakers everywhere in the base. Through these, the administrator gives them the commands. And not just that. There are cameras, through which she watches them.
But this mission was special because it was the last one. The last time the mercenaries had to fight. After 5 years their contract expires and they can go back to their families. They are already sitting on packed suitcases. Tomorrow morning their train will leave. Although they are all looking forward to returning and leaving Mann Co. behind, each and every one feels a little twinge in their heart. They are all used to each other, they were like a family. It hurts when they have to part.
2Fort, a so-called map, was also part of some of their missions in the past. They often had many different bases in which they had lived. 2Fort is a small, completely fenced-in area with two buildings facing each other, connected by a wooden bridge construction with a roof under which is a water basin where the sewage water from both bases flows into it.
The special feature of these buildings is that they are completely different from each other. One is wood, the other metal. One red, the other blue. Previously they had fought here with an opposing team for each of the opposing secret material, while their own was to be protected. The Mercs had always said that playfully "capture the flag", but the last mission of this kind has been over a year. And since then they have not heard anything from the opposing team. They do not know if their contract has already expired or if they are employed elsewhere. Anyway, the blue metal building is now a taboo zone, which must not be entered under any circumstances. Strict instruction of the administrator. But none of them has too much curiosity anyway. Not even scout. The orders have always taken them completely in and now they have only the journey home in focus.
One last time, the mercenaries carry their weapons down the Intelligence Room, where their secret material was once located. There are now 9 large, straw-filled boxes. It's hard for the boys to part with their weapons. Heavy hugs his minigun. “Oh Sasha... Heavy will miss you.”
Medic and Engineer give him a comforting pat on the shoulder.
“It's okay, Heavy. Take your time. It is also difficult for me to let slip away my Medigun forever. And for the others it's certainly no different.”
“Yeah... It's kinda weird...”, Scout agrees and looks at his scattergun before placing it in the box. Soldier imitates him, embeds his rocket launcher on the straw and salutes goodbye. Spy takes his last cigarette out of the disguise kit and places it in one of the boxes along with the butterfly knife, the sapper, and the watch. Followed by the grenade launcher and stickybomb launcher, the flamethrower (from Pyro's point of view it’s the rainblower), the rescue ranger, the sniper rifle and the medigun. Only when these weapons have found their place, Heavy brings the courage to separate from his Sasha and puts her carefully in the last box.
“I feel somehow naked and defenseless without my weapons,” remarks Demoman.
“Yes, but I’m sure that we will quickly get used to normal life again. And then all this will be nothing but a faded memory in the back of our minds.”
“Pfft! Spy. Always positive, aren't you?”
“I just wanted to cheer him and everyone else up. Anyway, I'm glad it's over, because I think you should finally pursuing a decent and, above all, a normal job, Jeremy. Just like us adults did before we came to Mann Co.”
“Yeah, sure. Vacuum cleaner salespeople like you, or what?”
“What? The fine Frenchman was a vacuum cleaner salespeople?” Demoman laughs. “That would explain his preference for suits.”
“Vacuum cleaner salespeople are America's natural enemies!”
“Screw you! I will not follow in your footsteps. I will become a world famous baseball player!”
Heavy bangs on the table. The bang makes everyone present wince and the Russian has their undivided attention now. He looks around one.
“Why do little men argue? Today is last day as a team!”
“Heavy is right” Engineer agrees. “We argued the last 5 years. Today, on the last day, we should get along without quarrels and enjoy the last few hours together.”
Sniper lifts his arm. “I’m in. I just want to chill out.”
“Yo Snipes, you've been chilling out all those years in your nest while chilling aiming with your sniper rifle at the heads of our enemies and then chilling killed them. By the way, you have drunk your coffee and not even to piss you got up. You didn't have to move a millimeter. More chilling is not possible. And today, on the last day, you want nothing else than chilling. Care to respond?”
“…Sniping's a good job mate!”
Amused laughter fills the room.
“Hudda!”
“Pyro says he's hungry” Engineer says.
“Aye! Where you mentioned it.” Demoman holds his stomach. “Me too.”
A loud crackle from one of the loudspeakers on the ceiling attracts the attention of the Mercs and shortly thereafter the well-known voice of the administrator speaks to them.
“Good job, mercenaries. I'm very satisfied. As a token of my appreciation and because your last mission was today, I have prepared a feast for you. Go in front of the respawn room.“
“For real?! What are we waiting for then?”
Demoman, Scout, Sniper and Pyro start running. Spy sighs. “Will this kid ever grow up?”
“That comes from having European genes. If he were a complete American, there would be nothing wrong with him!”
As Spy walks by, he answers, “Well, Mon Ami, that just means American genes are not dominant. Besides, sometimes you behave like an immature child, too. You know?”
“Take that back, Frenchie!” Soldier follows the Frenchman in a scolding tone.
“I think I'll miss that” Engie says with a smile.
“Da. It was nice time.”
Heavy, Medic and Engineer are following the others.
“What about you, Doc?”
“I will miss the legalized experiments and everything about it.”
“Will doctor miss team too?”
“Hm? Oh! Yes, sure.”
Heavy gives Medic a reproachful look.
“Of course I'll miss you too, Heavy. After all, you were my only family I ever had in my life. I think I just get used to being alone very quickly.”
“Don’t you have anybody waiting for you at home?”
“No. When my parents died shortly after my 14th birthday, I was all alone from now on. That's why I'm sorry if, back then, when we first met, I behaved defensive and sullen. Even though I always had to deal with people. But they were patients to whom I had no emotional connection. Unlike you. Maybe that had overwhelmed me a bit.”
“We didn't know. You really don't have to apologize, Doc.”
Medic makes a gesture of refusal. “It's okay. Just let it be. Let's enjoy our last evening.”
“OH MY GOD! How cool is that?” Scouts voice echoed through the base.
“Must be something big, if it makes the boy cry like this” says Engineer with a smile. A delicious smell of meat and gravy comes to meet them shortly thereafter.
“God, Scout! Wait at least until the others are here!” they hear Spy admonish him.
As Medic, Engineer, and Heavy arrive at the top, they are also amazed when they see this large table extending from them to the respawn room. Adorned with a snow-white tablecloth, nine plates were placed on the left and right of the table, with three large silver dining bells in the middle, hiding hot delicacies. One of the bells has already been removed, releasing the scent of roast pork in the air and enveloping the whole base.
Around it are small plates with different salads.
Scout already wants to lift the second bell, but Spy wants to stop him. “No, Scout!”
“Pfft! Don't pretend you don't wanna know what's underneath. Besides, all are here now.” The second bell reveals different kinds of meat. Sausage, schnitzel, spicy-looking buffalo wings and steaks. The various fragrances mingle in the air and make the Mercs mouth watering. Under the third bell are sandwiches. A little disappointed, Scout shrugs his shoulders and turns his attention to the meat. Heavy, on the other hand, is delighted.
“That looks pretty good” says Demoman, but looks disappointed. “But where is the swill?”
“Here, mate!” Sniper reaches under the table and brings out a bottle of rum from there.
Demoman copies him and discovers other bottles. Wine of all kinds, schnapps, beer. Even vodka is there.
“Yeah! Now it's a party.” The Scot opens a rum bottle and takes a sip from it.
“Now let's sit down and finally eat!" The Mercs like to follow Scout's request and everyone is looking for his place. "Hehe. Hadn't thought that the old woman would do something for us like this.”
“She can hear you, boy” Engineer reminds him.
“Was not meant pejorative. I just mean I didn't expect that from her. After all, she always appears so cold and callous. I always thought she doesn't care about us.”
The Mercs are digging food on their plates. There is something for everyone and the plates are individually filled (for Pyro there is only one bowl of soup with a straw, but he seems to be very happy about that). But before they can take a bite, it crackles in the speaker above them on the ceiling. Scout makes himself very small. He's worried that his words will now be doom him.
All mercenaries look up to the loudspeaker, waiting for whatever the administrator has to tell them.
“My dear mercenaries, my last command to you is that you eat as much as you can. Enjoy your meal. Take your time. Consider this dinner as your last meal. When you are done, I will contact you again. And now - good appetite.”
It crackles again in the speaker and it becomes quiet.
“…last meal?”
“In fact a very strange term” Medic agrees to Heavy.
I think it fits. I will not eat like that for a long time anymore.”
Scout is about to tuck in but Soldier bangs his fist on the table, making the dishes clatter.
“Not now, private!”
“Now, what is it?”
“First a prayer is spoken!”
“Are you kiddin’ me? I'm starving!”
“I'm not a believer, but I agree with Soldier.”
“Pah! You can talk. You just beheaded a bottle and have had a few already. That's why you're talking nonsense.”
“Scout, please. Only once.” Spy speaks with such gentleness in his voice that even Scout cannot argue with that. Or wants.
“Hmpf! Whatever…”
The Mercs fold their hands for prayer, close their eyes and lower their heads.
“Holy Mary, mother of Joseph.”
“Oh God…”
“Gott im Himmel.”
“Silence! At a dinner prayer only one speaks! Holy Mary, mother of Joseph. We thank you for this meal. And thank you for the last five wonderful years I could kicking Faggot-Maggots in the ass.”
The others secretly open their eyes and look at each other.
“You've been protecting us all the time and I ask you to continue to keep holding your protecting hand over my team wherever they go. Also the Europeans and the Aussie. Amen.”
“Wow, Soldier... We didn't know you felt that way for us.” Engie's face has a heartwarming smile and the others feel equally flattered. Also Scout, but the boy doesn't want to show it and instead says: “What do you mean by your team?”
“That's right, City Boy! You are my team! You have always been. I'm responsible for you and that's why I pray for you. Finally, I'll have to let you go tomorrow. I cannot take care of you anymore. In addition, I'm sitting at the head of the table! That says everything!”
“We'll miss you too, Soldier.”
“You will!”
“Okay, okay! Now we can eat, right?”
“Dig in, son” gives Soldier Scout his permission, and he takes that literally. Scout takes the steak in both hands and bites a big piece off.
“God, Scout! Use at least knife and fork! If your mother would see that.”
Scout's mouth is überfull, so he uses his middle finger to answer.
“Hmph!” Spy pours himself a full glass of wine, leans back and tries to ignore Scout's antics.
Heavy has opted for steaks and sandwiches. But mostly sandwiches can be found on his plate. Medic next to him enjoys a sausage in addition he eats (by the most untouched) salad. Only Sniper also uses the healthy greens. Demoman and Soldier are also among the meat-eaters, although Demo is actually more drinking than eating.
And Pyro sips his soup comfortably.
Engineer starts with the Bufallo wings. They are actually as spicy as they look. They taste almost like the original from Texas. Only now does the mid-forties realize how much he misses his home. But the homesickness will not last long, because tomorrow it gets back home. He will return to his ranch, to his beloved barn, where he can tinker with his machines. And then there's his old father waiting for him…
“Hey boys. What will you do when you get back home?“ he asks almost melancholy.
Scout wants to be the first to answer, so he greedily chokes down the piece of steak. but it gets stuck halfway and he begins to cough and choke.
“Medic!” he managed to scream, but the doctor remains calm.
“It's quitting time” he just answers merely and continue to eat. Spy hits the kid on the back with his hand, but that doesn’t work either. He reaches for his bonk and pours the energy drink into his throat.
“I'll return to the heart of America and develop my skills as a soldier!”
“Does that mean even after Mann Co. you still want to work as a mercenary?”
“No, I will only fight for my country and for that I have to keep myself in shape. Who knows when the Germans start World War III?”
“Hmph! So this is how you thank me for treating your wounds? But since I know you, I will not blame you” Medic answers cold.
“You are excluded!”
“Aha, and why that?”
“Because you are half an American!”
“Interesting. I did not know that yet. I assume that was a compliment. Thanks for that.”
“What are you going to do, Doc?”
Medic looks thoughtfully at Engineer for a moment. “Well, actually I would like to continue to work as a doctor, but for that I would need a license and I'm not sure if I would get those at my age. I also believe that the world is not ready for my kind of medical knowledge. I think I will use the money for pigeon breeding.”
“Why pigeons?”
“Not any pigeons. White doves. I train them as carrier pigeons and send them to you every few years.”
“That sounds nice. But they would have to travel long distances. Could they do that anyway?”
“With my medicine, they could easily fly around the world in 80 days.”
“I'm already looking forward to my first carrier pigeon” replies Heavy. “And then Doctor will not be alone anymore.”
“You're right, Heavy. I will have many pigeons. And I will give eight of them your names.”
“I didn't know you could be that emotional, Doc” Sniper joins in now.
“The last five years have been something special for me. And like every human being I try to connect these memories with something from the present to bind this beautiful time to me.”
“I think we all will. What about you, Sniper?”
“Hmm ... As much as I love my job as a sniper, I'll probably have to hang it up and help my parents on the farm. For years they have been in my ears how worried they are. Well, at least my mother. My dad used to scold me that I should finally looking for a decent job.”
“Like a farmer?”
“Yes…”
“You should do that, Herr Sniper. Your parents are not the youngest anymore. You should be with them while they are still alive.”
Thoughtfully, the Australian nods and stares down at his plate.
“Hey, chin up, lad. I know how you feel. My old mother is also the last one I have. I know she will not live forever either, so I give up my job as a bomb specialist and enter into the family business. My mother's wish is that I take the company over after her death. She always says that it should stay in the family. That means for me that I should start my own family. But I'm just too old for that. I spent my youth working on bombs, perfecting myself so I missed out on starting a family.”
“Is she angry with you because of that, partner?”
“Nah. Even when I was a child, she forgave me all the mischief I've ever done, even though she was very strict. Especially after the death of my father. Probably because I'm her only child. We have a very close relationship and as long as she lives, I will not leave her side.”
“Anyone with parents understands that they care about their children. Neither mother nor father want them to survive their children. Scout's mother only allowed him to work as a mercenary because I'm with him.”
Having finally won the fight against the stubborn piece of meat, Scout swallows it and takes a deep breath.
“How dare you? I can take care of myself!”
“Scout, you screw up the whole mood…”
“You can't tell me a thing! You're not my father!”
“Yes, I am.”
“I wish you were not.”
“How can you say that, boy? A well-bred son does not talk to his father like that.”
“He was never there for me! He was always on the road to work as a spy for some moneybacks. That was more important to him than me and my Ma! If I be wrong, tell me!”
“………”
“Exactly. When we get back home, you will continue to work as a spy and leave us alone again. You make me sick!”
A veil of silence falls on the team. Engineer feels bad. He just wanted to have a nice conversation with his team and not provoke a fight. He wonders if he should tell Scout that his mother and father are holy and that he can be happy to have both, but he decides differently and stays silent. Only Demoman interrupts the silence.
“What about you, Engie?”
“Huh?”
“What will you do afterwards?”
“I will return to my ranch. To my workshop and my dad.”
“And what does he say about your career choice?” Sniper asks curiously.
“Well, I would say that I really take after him. In his youth he also worked as a mercenary.”
“At Mann Co.?”
“Yes. I was 20 when he returned. He was... changed. He never talked about his job. I had the impression that he was the only survivor to come back from a war. He had retired. Even when mother died, he didn't attend the funeral. I'm the only one he still has and whom he trusts.”
“I’m sorry, Engie.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“And you, Heavy? You cannot wait until you're back with your mother and sisters, am I right?”
Medic gives the Russian a well-meaning smile, which Heavy replies.
“Da. Miss my family very much. I'll take care of them. Have earned enough money to make ends meet for many years.”
When Heavy speaks so proudly about his family, the mood in the room lights up.
“And what are we going to do with Smokey Joe here?” Soldier throws into the room and everyone looks at Pyro.
“Hhmpf?”
“Yes, what happens to Pyro? Does he even have a home or family?”
Pyro lays his head to the side.
“I think he has nobody…”
“If so, then one of us should take care of him” Engineer suggests.
The rest of the group is silent. Nobody wants to have Pyro near them. Especially not near their family. It tears the Texan's heart, but he can understand it.
“Oh well, Partner. Then you come with me.”
“Hudda?”
“My ranch is very big. There are also horses. You like animals, don't ya?”
“Truckie, are you sure you want to do that?”
“Why not? There is enough space. Besides, Pyro and I had always had a close relationship, hadn't, partner?”
Pyro claps his hands like a little child.
“Well, at least he understands you better than us... But actually, I meant more like his preference for fire. In Texas, it is very dry and on your ranch there is certainly a lot of wood?”
“I'm will be have an eye on him. It will be fine. When repairing machines, he may use the welding torch. That will distract him.”
“Whatever you say, mate.”
It's getting dark outside. The ceiling lamp above the table now gives them light.
After two hours, the table is almost completely empty.
Scout leans back in his chair and strokes his filled stomach.” That was good. If that had really been my hangman's meal, I could die now in peace.”
“I completely agree, Kiddo” confirms Sniper.
“I could fall asleep immediately. I have never looked forward to my bed that much.”
“…I will miss you. Thank you for all the nice years and your friendship. I will always remember it. Also this moment.”
“This constant, emotional impregnated blarney really is a pain in the ass…” growls Scout.
“He says he will miss you as well” Spy translates.
Scout is far too bloated with food and too tired to discuss with his father why his middle finger is used again. He is annoyed. Annoyed, because Spy is right.
It starts to crackle again in the speakers above them.
“Now the administrator addresses the last word to us. I will somehow miss her voice…”
“Did it taste it?”
The nine affirm her question in different ways.
“Surely you cannot wait to return home tomorrow, are you? Unfortunately, I have to disappoint you. You will never see your families again.”
The mercenaries caught their breath. Initially, Scout thinks that's a joke, which is why he says with amusement: “What? Do we have to do the dishes ourselves? As much as this is, this could actually take years.” But the boy soon realizes that neither the Mercs nor the Administrator laugh. “Right?” he asks uncertainly.
“You will not leave this place alive.”
Soldier shoots up from his chair. “That's egregious! I fought for Mann Co. yearslong and that's the thanks I get?”
“You all have read your contract?”
“What does the contract have to do with it?” Demoman barks. His voice trembles. The thought of never seeing his mother again makes him panicked, scared and angry at the same time.
“There is a clause in it that may not be obvious.”
An unholy silence settles on the team.
“If the contract expires, the mercenaries must be killed.”
Terrified faces - and yet they somehow knew it. They should have known it from the moment the Administrator used the word hangman's meal. Because this woman never jokes. But what would that have changed about their situation?
“Where exactly should this clause stand?” Spy asks almost tonelessly.
“I have had your contracts brought to respawn room.”
Spy sets out to walk the few yards to respawn room. The gate opens and there he sees them already lying. All nine contracts are lying neatly side by side on the bench. The Frenchman takes his contract and returns to the others in the vestibule, leafing through the few pages. He is a quick reader, but he cannot find a contract clause that entitles the Administrator to kill them after the contract expires. It would have been more than foolish to sign this contract with such a clause. That would have been suicide.
“I can’t find it.”
“You will find it under the clause of confidentiality.”
“A clause in a clause. I assume that Mann Co. is hoping that the people they are hiring cannot read between the lines.” Spy looks at the camera in the corner. The small, permanently red glowing point that they have been exposed for years appeals suddenly very threatening.
“This clause is the most important of all, but it must not be too obvious. That would scare away mercenaries.”
“Quite rightly!”
“Believe me. It's a shame to get rid of men like you, but everything you've done, seen, and heard here must not go outside. That's why you have to die. I didn't make the rules, but if I oppose it, Mann Co. will need a successor for me.”
“But you are not averse to it, are you?”
“Not at all. It's purely business.”
“I assume that the BLU team did not travel home or was transferred, am I right?”
“You are right with your guess. They are dead.”
Scout starts shaking all over. He takes a deep breath and then jumps up from his chair. With his index finger pointing at the camera, he yells: “Bullshit! That's bullshit! You cannot do that! They would search for us!”
“You mean your families? Their efforts would not be crowned with success. Mann Co. is a shadow hidden in the dark, impossible to track down. Your fate is sealed from the very moment you signed this contract."
Medic looks back and forth between the Mercs. His gaze finally lingers on Heavy. He was completely silent the whole time. His horrified look is directed at the empty plate in front of him. How must he feel inside, after these words? What does it feel like to be told that you will never see your family again? Medic does not know. He has no family. He has nothing to lose. But he will do everything possible to make the others return home.
Almost with complete calm, he looks up at the camera. “How should we be killed?”
“In the same way as the BLU team was wiped out.”
Suddenly a loud noise penetrates their ears. It echoes throughout the place, sounds like a commissioned machine. Quick the Mercs make their way to the outdoor platform, from where they have a good view of the BLU building. There are now the lights on which lights up the dark night sky brightly. From there comes this disturbing sound.
“What happens over there?”
“No matter what comes our way, we will not give up without a fight!” announces Demoman.
“You have your weapons at your disposal. But remember, your respawn codes have been completely deleted. There will never be a way for anyone of you to return. Good luck.”
And with that the speaker becomes silent and the mercenaries stay alone.
“That I will miss her voice, I take back immediately.”
“That’s alright, partner. You couldn't know that. No one of us could it.”
With horrified, angry, and incredulous eyes, they stare across to this large, factory-like building, which has something in it that want to kill them. But whatever that may be, they will fight it. Their last fight as mercenaries begins. And this time it's all about life and death.
Soldier takes the floor. “So, soldiers! You heard it! The war is not over yet! We are tired and exhausted, but give your best for the last time! And don't forget! You are the best of the best! Let us Mann Co. regret the day they hired us!”
The desert sun is burning hot. The frequent climate change lately makes Hans discomfort. That doesn't have to do any good to the animals. But when he looks at them, they don't look like than they are feeling bad. Quite the contrary.
The dog sits in the passenger seat, its head stretched out of the open window. Apparently, the Doberman enjoys the airstream.
Archimedes sits with the robin and the macaw on the dashboard. They are snuggled close together. The eagle had settled on the roof of the van. Hans drives fast, but he doesn't have the fear that it makes a difference to the eagle. He is sure its claws are holding it. Whatever it holds on to. Mundy would freak out if his Van would got any scratches. And he wouldn’t like it when he learns what happened to his owl. It lies on his lap. The bird doesn't move but breathes regularly. The fever has already gone down. It will completely recover.
They have been driving for a while now. The city is already miles away. For Hans it feels like an eternity when he left it.
He had really hoped to be able to return to his team. But he hadn't expected that. On one side he is happy about it, but on the other he is worried. They were not attacked by Gray Mann for the first time and they always beat him. What are robots against professional mercenaries? But now the old man seems to have changed his tactics. A tactic that will help him win this time? The fact that he actually managed to kidnap Spy and Sniper (Friedrich doesn't necessarily have to be mentioned) is really worrisome. And now Hans is on his own way to Gray Mann's headquarters. Without a plan. Well, there is a plan. Find and free his support colleagues. But what does he do if he is discovered before he can reach his goal? He doesn't have his weapons with him.
The location of the enemy's headquarters is no secret. Gray Mann is part of their life. Without him, it would probably be a bit boring (if there were not Merasmus and his army of darkness). But right now everything feels so wrong.
First Friedrich, and then the old man, who succeeded for the first time in his life. At least he managed to separate the team. And that is not a good sign.
“What am I to do…?”
“What am I to do…?”
“Hmm? Hey, Archimedes. Your dad seems distracted” notes the macaw.
“Yes, I think he does not know how to deal with the new situation. He certainly thinks he has to face it all by himself.”
“But we are here, too.”
“He will not allow us to go in with him. After all, we are just birds. He does not want something to happen to us.”
“Pah! Only birds. We drove with the van for a whole night. Without human!”
“Do not be angry with him, Aberdeen. Papa do not mean it. Of course we will help him. Even if that will worry him. And I hate to worry my Papa...”
Robin cuddles closer to the dove. “That will pass. We get them out there, defeat the evil robots and live happily ever after.”
“Whether Papa and I are allowed to move back to base is another story.”
“But you have to! After all, it is Medic who heroically opposes evil!”
“I do not think that's a reason for the administrator to give him a second chance. Her decision is certain and she will stick to it. But that's fine. I was allowed to see you again. And for that I am very grateful.”
The robin beeps happily.
“Ssss…”
“Hey, slow worm. Crawl out of your hiding place and stick your head out the window. The wind is beautiful!” the squirrel calls.
“I am not a ssslowworm, but a tree sssnake. And why ssshould I ssstretch my head out of the window? Am I sssupposssed to let my tongue hang out of my mouth like sssome kind of cur?”
Dante makes a low growl.
“No offenssse” reassures the reptile.
“The squirrel is right, lad. Come out. Medic will not be afraid of you. He's a mercenary, after all, and slightly crazy on top of that.”
Aberdeen notices Archimedes' reproachful look.
“Y-ya know how I mean that.”
“Actually, you're right. What do you think, dove?”
“He will be surprised at most, but he will accept you. He has accepted Dante and the tree climber, too. Why should it be different with you?”
Did he even notice the squirrel yet?
“Becaussse I have neither feathersss nor a fur.”
“Now come out there!”
The snake hesitates. But the more she thinks about it, the more plausible the words of the others become. Medic is a mercenary. Although a former. He and all the others should really be the last ones to be afraid of a snake. After all, Spy is not afraid of her either. On the contrary. He even loves her.
“All right, then.”
Carefully, she wriggles out between the seats and curls up in the passenger seat next to Dante. In fact, this position is much more pleasant.
She is safe.
“Ah…? Wwaaaahhhhh! A snake!”
“I knew it. Ssss…”
With a surprisingly large force (presumably triggered by the panic), Medic grabs the snake and throws it with a tremendous force through the window of the moving van.
“SSSSSSSSHHHH!”
The animals are shocked. The squirrel, however, feels well entertained.
“Ahahaha! Ahahahaha!! Did you see that? Just thrown out the window! Hahahahaha!!” The rodent is double up with laughter.
“Oh dear…”
“Adelar!” Dante barks. “Snake overboard! Get her back!”
“Jarrrhh… This reptile means nothing but trouble” growls the white-headed eagle. But no soldier is left behind. With or without limbs. With or without feathers. With or without a beak. With or without...
“Adelar! Get moving!”
Scared up by the barking of the Dobermann, the bird of prey spreads its wings and lunges from the roof of the van. His keen eyes discover the reptile between dry desert grass as it writhes in pain. But Compatriot cannot take that into account. If he does not hurry, they could not catch up with the van.
“Hold on!”
“Be careful!”
Compatriot grabs the snake with his big gripping feet and lifts she up in the air. As fast as he can, the eagle flies back. The van has not gotten faster, but not slower either.
Compatriot's goal is the driver's window. With a targeted burst flight the big bird wants to fly through the this open window into the van. With all the strength that the eagle can muster, it bumps itself up in the air. In panic the snake writhes in its claws.
“Not that high! NOT THAT HIGH!!”
“Shut up, Big Maggot! And stop moving! Your scales tickle my feet!”
“Are you ssseriousss?! Jussst don't drop me, you ssstupid poultry!”
“I won't let you fall.”
“Sss…?”
“I will let us fall.”
“What…?!”
“A~ttaaaaack!”
From ten meters high, the eagle plunges into the deep.
“SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!”
Compatriot is like a rocket that will sink a German submarine at any moment.
The good old times…
“Veer! Veer!!”
Of course, Medic had noticed the eagle and his unpleasant souvenir and winded the window up within seconds. It doesn’t matter if the eagle sees it or not, but it keeps stubbornly aim for the van... and dashed against the glass like a bug.
The animals inside the van stare wide-eyed at the eagle and the snake which are pressed flat against the outside of the van and finally detached from the airstream.
Medic had been leaning away of the window the whole time. Now that the eagle and serpent are no longer visible, he gradually relaxes.
The squirrel had made itself comfortable on the dog's head and is laughing even louder than before. With a skilful head movement, Dante throws the rodent in the air and catches it up with its muzzle, locking it in to silence it. But now it starts to protest loudly. The stick out tail whirls wildly back and forth.
All eyes are on the dove.
“My Papa is not afraid of snakes!” Archimedes tries to defend Medic. “He was just...surprised.”
“We cannot leave these two here! Tell Medic to stop the van!”
“I don't know if I can do that. He probably thinks it's a venomous desert snake that sneaked into the van. If she had not always hidden in front of everyone, my Papa would not react that way.”
“If we have it all over, it will change. But now we have to come up with something, lads.”
Dante drops the squirrel out of her mouth. The little animal falls over the passenger seat and stays on his stomach. It is slobbery from top to bottom.
“Ewww! Dogs spit! That is so disgusting! Besides, you have a bad breath, you stupid cur!”
But everyone ignores the squirrel.
“I could jump out the window and get them.”
“No! Robin flutters from the dashboard onto Dante's muzzle. An anxious face on its face. "Please do not do that! At this speed, you could hurt yourself!”
“You worry about me?”
“Of course! We are friends” beeps the little robin.
Dante is touched by the words of the little birdie. She extends her tongue to kiss the little bird, but it sticks to her tongue. It flutters in panic with its tiny wings until it can finally free itself. Scared Robin stares at Dante.
“W-were you going to eat me?”
“Of course not. I wanted to give you a kiss.”
“A…kiss?”
“You know that dogs lick humans?”
“Yes… I guess so.”
“Well, they kiss them. In this way we show our affection. We cannot pucker our lips.”
“But you can smile?”
“I don't know if you can call it that…”
“Please try it once! I have never seen a dog smile!” The fear from Robin has given way to excitement. He flies back to the others on the dashboard for a better look on Dante's face.
The Dobermann hesitates. But then she raises her flews and her big, sharp teeth appear.
“Oh… my… god… That’s freakin’ creepy!”
The birds say nothing at first. They are too startled at this sight.
Dante lowers her flews and asks playfully: “And? Don’t I have a nice smile?”
“Are you kiddin' me?" the rodent exclaims. "That was a veritable hell grimace!”
“What the…? A squirrel?”
Robin flies back onto Dante's muzzle and touches her nose with his tip of bill.
“?”
“This way birds kiss.”
Dante is touched. Aberdeen watches this scene very closely.
Would Compatriot like it, could he see that? Wait a moment!
“We have to come up with something for Compatriot, lads!”
“HELP!”
The cry for help comes from the squirrel. Medic had taken it by the tail and lifted it up. He stops the car, opens the driver's door and drops the rodent outside. As soon as it is sitting on the hot desert floor, it wants to jump back into the van immediately, but Medic had already closed the door again. It jumps against the car door and falls back into the dust.
Then the doctor is moving off.
“That can’t be true…”
“Owowowow! Hothothot!!”
The squirrel jumps from one foot to the other. It does not last a second on this burning hot ground. Now it's here, dancing the dance of the death. No rescue in sight. No place to rest. So it will dance until it falls dead.
“So I will die like this? Since I would have preferred to be eaten by the snake or these cur!” wails it heartbreaking.
Speaking of cur... The thick saliva of the Dobermann begins to dry in seconds under the desert sun and the soft, fire-red fur begins to stick and takes the squirrel a little freedom of movement.
“Great! Now I will die even faster! Oh Ma! Why did you throw me out of home? Now I will never see you again!”
“Stop whining, rodent!”
“Hah?”
In desperation, the squirrel had not noticed the eagle circling above it.
“Can we give you a ride?” the snake asks playfully.
“Did you both bump your head on the car door too hard? Of course you'll take me with you! If you let me die here, I will haunt you in your nightmares!”
“Calm down, cuddly wool. Nobody isss left behind. Jump in my mouth.”
The snake opens its mouth wide. Since a lamb would have fit in it. And behind it the dark pharynx.
“As if! I’m not that stupid.”
“You would be ssstupid if you did not do it.”
“You just want to eat me!”
“Didn’t you sssay that you would rather be eaten by me than die in the desssert?”
“That was just so said.”
“Believe me. Only birdsss and their eggsss are on my menu.”
“And why didn't you eat them yet?”
“Yeah, Big Maggot. Why have not you eaten us yet?”
“Becaussse firssstly you are too tall and sssecondly you all are malesss and therefore no eggsss. And even those would be too big to eat. At leassst the eggsss of Compatriot and Aberdeen…”
“You can bet on it!”
“And what about this robin? That's small enough.”
“And thirdly, thossse ssstupid birdsss are like my family…”
“Hah! And I always thought snakes were unscrupulous murderers. But you are an absolute sissy. You look weird and disgusting, but inside you're hand-tame.”
“I am a female.”
“What? Well then that's no wonder - Urks!”
Lightning fast, the tree snake wraps its tail around the squirrel and lifts it in the air.
“You better don't annoy me! I haven't eaten for two daysss and of all the animalsss here you are right at the top of my menu! Your fur will irritate my ssstomach, but that'sss what it'll be worth to me if I don't have to endure your cheeky mouth anymore!”
The squirrel wants to answer, but the serpent suppresses this by strengthening its grip and suffocate the mammal.
“I would like to ssstrangle you.”
“I didn't know you were a constrictor.”
“I am not, you hollow head!”
“T-the v-v-v-an-!” The squirrel utters with all the power it can muster.
“What? Ah! Compatriot! Quick! We lossse them!”
“On my way! Hold tight!”
“You are holding me – Sssshhh!”
The eagle bumps into the air.
“I think I must puke!”
“Dare you! I'll let you fall!”
“Shut up, maggots! I have to concentrate!”
“What are you planning to do? You cannot make it through the window. At mossst againssst it. And even if we make it back into the van, Medic will kick usss out of there again.”
“I will land on the roof.”
“On the roof?! I don't know if you haven't already noticed, but we are here in the desert, with a cursed hot desert sun that bangs uninterruptedly on the roof of the van! If we land there, you will instantly become a grilled chicken, the snake a bratwurst and I become a steak!”
The eagle starts to laugh. “Son, I was born in the desert! Heat doesn't bother me! That's why my wings are made of steel.”
“I wasss alssso born in the desssert...”
“Possible. But you've been hiding in the shadows all your life. So you are as soft as the rest of the others.”
“Sss...”
“Hold on!”
“You better had do that!”
“You better had do that, too!”
“No one would misss you, I'd drop you now, you furry rat.”
“My ghost would haunt you! Urgh!”
The snake reinforces its stranglehold to silence the squirrel.
After Compatriot has reached the appropriate height, he makes a nosedive. From the throat of the snake and the squirrel, a scream of horror tries to push its way out, but the wind, which strikes the snake at 100 kilometers per hour, takes its breath. And the squirrel cannot shout simply because the tree snake hardened its grip.
Quickly, the van is within reach again and with strong wing beats Compatriot makes an upswing and reaches with his powerful claws for the roof rack and settles on it.
“You crusssh me!”
“Sorry.” The eagle lifts one of its feet and frees the snake from its grip. The reptile loses no time and winds quickly around the large bird body.
“What are you doing, Big Maggot?”
“I will cling to you until we reach our goal. The sssquirrel isss right. The roof of the car isss jussst too hot. I would sssuffer bad burnsss.”
“Then just slough yourself.”
“It'sss not that easssy!”
The rodent was able to free itself from the snake's grip and climbed on Compatriot's head.
“Great view!”
“I’m not a lookout tower!”
“Stay calm, big one. I promise you, you will barely notice me.”
“Adelar, is that you?” the Dobermann calls.
“Positive! And the other two are here, too.”
“Is one of you injured?”
“We're fine. But it would be nice if Medic getsss a wiggle on ssso we could get down from here. I finally want to go back to the ground.”
“I'm sure we'll be there soon. Hang on.”
Dante turns back to Robin, Archimedes and Aberdeen. “They are fine.”
“I knew Compatriot would do it! He is sometimes a twerp but you can fully build on him in such things.”
“I heard that, parrot!” Compatriot shouts from above.
“It's not that far anymore, right?”
“We do not know that. We ourselves have never been to headquarters. But Medic sure knows where it is.”
“But we are driving for quite a while now and the desert is big...”
“Trust him, dog. We do that too. Besides, apart from that, he's the only one who can help now. Actually, it's perfect, the way it goes. Medic gets kicked before Gray Mann shows up, so nobody has him on-screen. Nothing and no one knows he is on a rescue mission. The element of surprise is on his side. And we are here to support him.”
“Originally it was said we get Medic for supporting us.”
“If he saved everyone, do you think my Papa will be back in the team?”
“But of course, Archimedes!” the robin beeps confidently. “He has to. I mean, he's going to be the hero in the end. Since it is only natural to take him back. Everything else would be ungrateful.”
“You probably forget something” Dante says. “First, the mercenary business is tough. Since you can't get further with nice things. Gratitude has no value. And secondly, how do you even know that your Medic will be victorious?”
“I could tell you a thousand things. But the most important are, my Papa can fight, heal, he is a scientist and therefore very, very intelligent” reports the dove with pride swollen breast.
“And he's crazy” adds the macaw. Archimedes gives the parrot bird a warning look. “I am s-sorry, lad, I-I just wanted to say that makes him more capable and a certain craziness is also healthy.”
“…………”
“Sorry…”
Medic glances over at Archimedes and the other animals. They sit together and, if Medic did not know better, talk to each other. It's like a dovecote in this van.
His gaze wanders to his lap. The owl still does not move, but the breathing is regular.
Hang in there, my feathered friend. I'll get Mundy out there and then he can take care of you. He knows for sure what to do.
Seeing him could speed up the owl's recovery. Animals like them have a strong bond with their owners. The same goes for Archimedes and him.
Hans sighs. He wonders how his other doves are doing. They will not lose their way, after all, they are the former wedding doves. But the desert is rough and full of dangers.
I hope you are fine.
Team Fortress 2
“We're coming out of here because we're the mercenaries of Mann Co.” aps Friedrich Spy.
The three support mercenaries have been trying for minutes to free themselves from their shackles, but all that brings nothing but maltreated skin of their wrists. The ropes are quite thick but they still cut them as well as thin ones.
“I never claimed to be an escape artist. But if I 'ad my knives, that would be a trifle.”
“In addition, Spook said with We come out of here not only the escape from this room, but from the building. Stage by stage, y'know? And those shackles are the first obstacle. Everything step by step, get it? We're getting out of here one way or another. So stop whining, medicine woman.”
“Pah!”
“Uh...yes. Thanks, Sniper” But Spy cannot stay serious for long and laughs at Mundy's words.
“What’s so funny?”
“Well, it's just... Pfffahahaha! You're a Bushman and you call ‘im a medicine woman. That's so fitting. Hahaha *grunt* hahaha!”
“Why are ya laughing at it now? I often called BLU Medic that way.”
“Yes, but now that we are so alone among us ’ere, I realize ‘ow funny it is.”
“That's sexist and racist.”
“Says the one who declares Russians as stupid, incompetent people who can do nothing but drink and to wreak everything and everyone.”
“That’s the way it is.”
“What about Heavy? You met him, Docteur. And surely you ‘ave noticed that ‘e’s not in the least like the stereotypical Russians in your imagination. In fact, ‘e looks a little stupid and his physique could actually scare you but I assure you that ‘e is very intelligent and anything but violent. But I think you know that. But you don't want to deviate from your picture of a Russian.”
“That's my business.”
“I think I ‘ave to repeat myself. If you stay with us in the future, we ‘ave to get along. And that will not work if you stir up ‘atred against individual races.”
“I don't stir up hatred, I just despise. That's a difference. Besides, I didn't come here to make friends.”
“Who would have guessed that” Mundy mouths in his nonexistent beard.
“Do you now understand why we respect Hans so?”
“Like will to like. I don't have to say more.”
Aiméric gives up. Discussing with their new medic does not do any good. “Okay, let's concentrate on getting rid of these shackles. Of all the things that lie ahead, this is the easiest task.”
“Are you starting to orate again? Why are we still not free then?”
“As I said, I'm not an escape artist. But what about you, Bushman? Does a nature boy like you not learn ‘ow to do that?”
“In the nature?”
“Yes. For example, when you get tangled up in lianas in the Australian rainforest.”
“First, I'm too professional to get tangled up in lianas. Second, even if, then I could free myself with my machete. Do I have my machete with me? No. They took all my weapons just like yours.”
In fact, Sniper and Spy often tangled with one another, but at that moment, both provoke this to annoy Friedrich. He groans annoyed and suddenly starts to pull hard on his shackles.
Mundy and Aiméric turn their heads to the right and left to get a better look at him.
“Will that works better by force?”
But Friedrich ignores Spy. Eyes fixed on the wall in front of him, he pulls and tugs at his shackles. It must be painful, but König doesn't make a face. Sniper and Spy watch him so closely that their own liberation has been forgotten. They feel much more fascination than surprise when Friedrich actually succeeds in pulling his red-maltreated wrists out of the loose loops.
His hands must hurt, the sweat is on the forehead of the strict German, but he loses no time and immediately to deal with the rope around his upper body and legs.
Spy have to admit that he feels a hint of envy inside him as he watches Friedrich rise from his chair and stretches.
With a slightly sardonically movement, he turns to face them both. “It seems, gentlemen, you need an advanced training.”
“We are mercenaries. Usually we are not abducted and tied up, but killed.”
“Nevertheless, you should be prepared for all situations.”
“I can't contradict you, Docteur.”
Friedrich begins to untie them. First Spy, then Sniper. When Mundy's wrists are free, he rubs them and quite mockingly remarked: “You're probably an Übermensch, too, eh?”
“Übermensch?”
“That's how Hans always called himself.”
“Oh really? That doesn't surprise me. His madness is exceeded only by his arrogance. No, I don't call myself a superman, but if it has needed be, I would have bitten off my hands just to get out of here.”
“Are you alright, Docteur?” asks Aiméric, looking at his wrists. They are bleeding.
“That's just a small wound. It will heal up quick.” He tears off a piece of his coat and wraps it around his wrists. “Let's focus on getting out of here.”
Mundy approaches the locked iron door and inspects it. Then he puts both hands on the cold surface and pushes, but it doesn't move a millimeter. Not even then as he exercises more power.
“Heavy is never there when ya need him.”
The speak of the name of the Russian gives Medic a scornful snort. “Not even this draft horse could have opened this door. I think it's connected to an electrical locking mechanism. Impossible to open it from this side.”
“Ya said we should focus on getting out of here. Why, if ya know it's impossible?”
“We have to think. That's obvious. I wouldn't have said that if we could just push the door open, am I right?”
Mundy looks down and scratches his head. His expression changes suddenly. “Hey... where is my hat?! Where are my glasses?!”
When Spy hears him say that, he also gets a shock and gropes his face. His mask. It's gone. He suddenly feels so naked and defenseless. An unpleasant feeling.
“Oh my God! Spy! What a sight ya are.”
Aiméric doesn’t like Sniper to respond to it but he tries not to show it. “Well, Bushman. I also ‘ave a face under my mask, you know?”
“I always knew ya're two-faced.”
“Not again! You two don't seem like mercenaries but kindergartners.”
“We're just trying to lighten our situation a bit, mate.”
“By constantly diss each other? You are both middle-aged men. Behave that way!”
“If you want to stay with us, Docteur, you ‘ave to put up with it.”
“We will see.”
“Hey, I remember... Gray Mann said there's something lurking behind this door that kills us when we leave this room.”
“Maybe a lie so that we behave well?”
“No. That's unlikely. We know each other long enough to know what the other person is capable of. Gray Mann knows we are mercenaries going through death. Come what may. Therefore, we should not be so stupid as not to take ‘is threat seriously. Despite the knowledge that we cannot break out of this room, but with the presumption that we can free ourselves from our shackles, ‘e ‘as placed the trap at the door. Just in case.”
“Yes, but our data were fed into the respawn. If the trap kills us, it will bring us back to life, correct? Then we will automatically return to the base.”
“That is correct, ‘err König. But the distance from our base and this ‘eadquarters is great. In other words, it could take ‘alf an eternity for us to be revived. And this time could be enough for Gray Mann to be victorious. Speak of the devil and the devil shows up! The others will already fight back. These are all professionals.”
“So this trap is the only way out.”
“Oui. Unless Gray Mann manages to destroy the respawn machine before our escape. Then we should not be killed.”
“You think?”
“Hey! I have an idea” Mundy exclaims excitedly. “We can get out of here without having to go through this door.”
Friedrich and Aiméric look at each other. Both cannot imagine how that should work. But it doesn’t take long for them to understand what he means.
“You're not talking about… killing each other?”
“Ya got a better idea, Doc?”
“We ‘ave no other choice. Gray Mann ‘ad probably not thought of that possibility.”
“We only have to decide who goes and who stays.”
“Goes and stays?”
“Well, one of us has to kill the other two so they can go back to base. One has to stay behind. Unless he commits suicide. But the question then would be, how.”
Friedrich massages his temples.
“So, who of us sends the others back? Spy, ya have a strong karate chop. Ya could easily break our neck.”
“Yes, I could. And believe me, I would love to do that. But I don't think you should go, Sniper.”
Mundy puts his hands in the sides. As if he didn’t suspect the reason for Spy's words. “Oh? And why that?”
“You're just useless against robots, Mon Chéri.”
“And ya are more useful?”
“Of course. It takes forever to kill a robot with a ‘ead shot. But I can disturb their circuits and immobilize them.”
“Then ya're just as useless as me and I are as useful as you are.”
“How do you mean that?”
“I'm almost sure that Gray Mann also sent out his big robots. It's true that I cannot deytroy them with a single headshot. But if you attach your sapper to them, they will not become completely motionless. At most a little slow. That works for the little robots, yes. But I can also checkmate them with a single headshot. Ya see, you're as useless as I am and I'm as useful as you are.”
Friedrich sighs. If he could, he would kill himself right away. He draws the attention of Spy and Sniper on himself.
“Medic ‘as to go by all means.”
“Yes. He is also the only one of us three who is always cry after for. However...”
“’owever, we are not sure if we should really send you back, Docteur.”
“Why?”
“Well, for different reasons. You ‘aven't ‘ad any experience with Gray Mann and ‘is robots. Believe me, when you stand in front of a big robot for the first time, it can be quite overwhelming.”
“I am not afraid of anything or anyone. And what are the other reasons?”
“Well, you only ‘eal sporadically. You tend to go in the direction of a combat medic. And that makes you almost unusable.”
“I heal when it's necessary. Where is the meaning of healing someone who is completely healthy? I can make myself useful with fighting, too.”
“We are together nine classes and eight of them fighting. Six even with heavy weapons. Believe me, this team doesn’t need a battle Medic, who perforates the enemies with his syringes and bone saws.”
“Other than that, these weapons are useless against the robots” Mundy adds. “Hans was indispensable because he always knew what to do and how to do.”
“I'm tired of always being compared with Hans.”
“Do you do that because of it? To behave differently in the fight than Hans because you just don't want to be like him?”
“I AM NOT LIKE HIM. I do what I think is right. As long as nobody is seriously injured, I will fight. They can scream after me as long as they want.”
Friedrich and Aiméric stand close to each other and look each other deep in the eyes. The German is two heads taller than the Frenchman. His eyes are so cold and unfeeling, but his look is definite.
Mundy suddenly starts to laugh. Aiméric and Friedrich look over at him in surprise.
“What's up with you?” growls Friedrich.
“Maybe we three are actually useless. We cannot even decide who goes and who stays. Maybe we cannot do more, actually” he just answered.
“Are you Dumbo?”
“Dumbo?”
“Yes, Dumbo. The little elephant who thought ‘e could only fly with ‘is feather. You're the same now that your ‘at and glasses are not on your ‘ead and face. Are these things the only thing that makes you a mercenary?”
“Are ya not too old for cartoons? All right. Then let's just puzzle it out. With rock, paper, scissors.”
“I can’t believe it…”
“Good idea. You cannot avoid it, Docteur.”
“Hmpf!”
“So. The one who lose twice, kills the others. Alright?”
“That's ridiculous.”
“You will not believe it, but our old medic has said that many times. However, in a different context.”
“Do you ‘ave any scruples, ‘err König?”
“Stop mocking me.”
“Mates! Seriously. The longer we delay that, the safer we can be that we cannot get out of here alive!”
Friedrich takes a deep breath. He does not like the idea of killing his own comrades, being killed by them, or committing suicide. It just feels so wrong. But that's all part of getting used to it. Some things still cause him some headaches and some things cannot be beaten by illogic. A world in which Hans did indeed fit in perfectly. And that brings Friedrich the decision, especially to stay with Mann Co.! And for that he now has to do what lies far beyond his human and logical mind.
“All right. Let's get it over with.”
“Excellent. Are we getting started, Bushman?”
“With the greatest pleasure, Spook.”
“On three. One two Three!”
Mundy wins with scissors against paper. “That was foreseeable.”
“Just don't be vain. This game is mainly based on luck and not skill.”
“You're just a bad loser. Medic, ya ready?”
“I have no other choice, do I?”
“On three.”
“Yes, I know.” Friedrich fills the whole room with his bad mood.
“One, two, three!” And again Sniper wins. This time with stone against scissors.
“I'll definitely go.” Sniper sits back in his chair, arms crossed, and looks expectantly at Spy and Medic. “And who comes with me?”
“That is not a privilege. Let's just start.”
“One, two, three.”
Friedrich wins with paper against stone.
“Merde…”
“I'll think of you when I give the robots a bullet through their head. Now be so good and send me and the Doc back.”
“When you're done, don’t forget to get me out of ‘ere.”
“No one is left behind” assures König.
“All right. Who wants first?”
Suddenly there is a loud crash behind the steel door. The three jerk together as something heavy thunders against the door.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Are they coming to kill us?”
“I don’t think so.”
It seems like an eternity, until the noise finally subsides and silence dominates again.
The three mercenaries are not moving and waiting for further outside activities.
“Scheiße…!”
Spy and Sniper are listening. They know that voice. And even for Friedrich, this voice is not unknown.
“Gott, nein.”
And then the door begins to open with the familiar squeaking and etching.
Team Fortress 2
Despite the strong tension in himself, Hans feels knocked up and the desert sun is becoming increasingly unbearable. Some time ago his eyes fell closed. Luckily Archimedes had woken him up, otherwise the van might have rolled over.
Maybe a break would not be a bad idea.
In the distance something starts to grow slowly out of the ground. At first, Hans does not pay attention to it, thinks it may be something of a mirage. But when he approaches this alleged glare of light and the lettering Mann Co. emblazoned in large letters and in a dominant red on the outer facade of a skyscraper-like building, he realizes that he has finally reached his goal.
“I did it…” The tiredness and slackness are suddenly gone. Now he has to hide the van and find a way into it. He can simply park the car behind the building, hoping that no cameras are installed anywhere.
The front is surrounded by a wall, next to it are three small houses. As he drives closer, he discovers a railroad track, one end of which leads into one of the aforementioned houses and the other into the infinite desert. Presumably for a freight train that provides Gray Mann with weapons and tools, as well as metal. To build more robots. Where does this material come from?
At the top of the building, where Gray Mann certainly has his office, spotlights throw their light beams into the sky. They are so bright they can even be seen in broad daylight. At night this has to make an impressive sight.
Behind the main building, there seems to be a kind of factory connected to the skyscraper with a connecting bridge. There is a treadmill and big machines working tirelessly.
The picture looks so impressive, but at the same time frightening.
Hans stops the van. He has to think for a moment.
“OK. I park the van behind the building and try to find a way into it. Without being seen, of course. Then... I have to find out where Spy and Mundy are being held.”
The Doberman next to him suddenly starts to bark.
“Yes, and of course Friedrich. The building is huge. Where should I start looking? What is the old man is doing with them? Tortures them? What should I do? I have no weapons with me. I am trained in melee combat, but if firearms are to be expected, I will have no chance. Respawn is no longer an option for me. Just a mistake and it's over. How should I proceed?”
“Coo~”
“Hmm?”
Archimedes pushes an object towards to him. Curious, he takes it in hand.
“Hey... This is Spy's cigarette case!” Ludwig opens it. “But that does not help me much when I disguise myself as one of my former colleagues. Each of us is on Gray Mann's hit list.”
“Coo~” This time, Archimedes brings his master a clock.
“Yes! Archimedes! You are wonderful!” His dove jumps on his index finger and he gives her a kiss on the head. “What would I do without you?”
“Coo~”
“Hey, and what about us?” Aberdeen asks in a slightly offended tone.
“Do you want a litte kiss from my Papa, too?” Archimedes asks playfully.
“The kisses are all yours” Dante assures the former wedding dove.
“Okay, that could work. I'll take the cigarette case with me anyway. Just to be on the safe side.”
Hans starts the van. But he does not drive directly to the headquarters, but makes a big turn. Only at the rear of the building he moves closer. Two big cacti close together are the perfect privacy shield. But there is still a problem…
Hans looks down at the owl in his lap.
“What am I doing with you now? It would be irresponsible to let you in here.”
Even with the windows open, the owl might get heat stroke and that would be the final death warrant. But that's not all. What if the van is discovered and thus the owl?
Or poisonous animals like scorpions, spiders or snakes, like those a short while ago, could get into the car. Or vultures. They can detect injured animals for miles.
“I'll have to take you with me.” Carefully, the former Medic caresses the animal with a finger over its head and back.
But wait! The same is true for the other animals!
Overwhelmed, Hans watches the birds and the dog - and they seem to watch him closely.
The building is certainly cool. Maybe he finds a safe place in there where he can leave the animals and pick them up later. The headquarters is huge. There has to be such a place.
“All right. You all come with me. But be quiet, okay?”
Strange feeling to talk to a robin, a macaw and a dog…
Hans gets out and carefully takes the owl, wrapped in his coat, on his arm. The other animals leave the vehicle on his side.
When the snake notices him, she nudges Compatriot with her nose. “Quick, take me in your beak!”
“What? Why?”
“I want to come with you. But if I wringgle after you, I will not be able to keep up with you, and if one of you isss carry me, Medic could ssspot me and throw me away. But you are an eagle. And eaglesss eat snakesss. If you hold me in your beak and I play dead, I can accompany you without danger.”
“Do I look like a snake eagle?”
“And not even those are real eagles but hawks” adds the squirrel.
“Now you turn out even asss a sssmartasss? How do you know sssomething like that, anyway?”
The rodent shrugs. “Was advised.”
“Are not you afraid that I'll bite or swallow you?”
“Well, I have to rely on it, that you do nothing like that. You'll probably manage that, will you? Now go!”
Hans frowns in disgust as he notices the eagle and the dead snake hangs across its beak. It must have caught the reptile right away when he threw it out of the window.
“You didn't waste any time, do you?” Hans sounded a bit too sardonically, but in reality he is glad that Soldier's eagle took care of the snake. And then there's this squirrel again. “And what about you? Are you the dessert? Whatever! I have to hurry up and get my former colleagues out there.”
With the owl pressed protectively against his chest, Hans sneaks up to the building. He's keeping an eye out for any cameras, but he cannot spot any.
“No cameras...? But the entrance is guarded with security for sure. Archimedes, fly and check that.”
The dove does not waste time and makes its way to the front of the building. She wheels ten meters above the ground and looks around. The entrance consists of a canopy and two sliding glass doors. Through a gap in the 5-meter-high wall to get there, but first, a fence must be overcome. A guardhouse is located between the gap of the wall and the fence. From there, certainly is a wicket gate. If her owner has left that behind, he can approach the main entrance without any danger.
Archimedes reduces her altitude and takes a look in the entrance area. He seems to be empty. However, two cameras hang over the main entrance. They don't move, seem deactivated.
First step: Get Papa over the fence.
Archimedes flies back and reports Hans what she saw.
“I see. You did well, Archimedes. At home you get a big pile of oats as a reward. Well... whatever our next home will be.”
“Coo~”
“We can think about that later. I think I'll try the clock.” Hans takes it out of his pants pocket and examines it. A big button and six little ones. The screen above is empty. What does that mean?
“Archimedesss, he hasss to presss the left button of the top row and the middle button of the bottom row. And then the big one.”
Hans flinchs when he hears a hiss. The eagle is sitting on the dog's back. The snake in its beak is still lifeless. To make sure it's really dead, he pokes it briefly. The reptile swings lifelessly back and forth.
Must be my imagination. Probably the sun.
“Don't you want to eat it finally?”
The eagle sets his head aside.
“Coo~”
“Hm? What's going on, Archimedes?”
“Coo~”
“Oh…?”
Hans presses the upper left and middle lower button. After that the big one.
“Oh my god, it worked! I am invisible! Strange feeling... As if I sink into the ground at any moment... Fascinating!”
Despite the invisibility, Hans is able to see the clock. A timer has appeared on the small screen. Ten seconds, which are counted down rapidly. What happens if the time is up?
At zero he becomes visible again.
“I see. So you cannot stay invisible for all eternity. I never noticed that at Spy. He really cleverly covered that up. But that should be enough.”
Ludwig wears the watch on his wrist over and puts the cigarette case in his pants pocket (a bit difficult if you carry an owl on your arms).
“Okay. Let’s go.”
The former mercenary walks around the building, always close to the wall until he reaches the fence. From the corner it is only a few meters to the wicket gate, behind which, according to Archimedes, there is a guardhouse. How should Hans get the guard to open him? Maybe he should climb over the fence? No. Above the fence is an aggressive barbed wire. Besides, that would not have gone undetected anyway. This is the headquarters, after all. Hardly anything in the world is better guarded. Maybe he was already discovered? Just because no cameras are here does not necessarily mean he remains unseen. But there is no alarm siren. And even that does not have to mean anything. The enemy might wait for Hans infiltrated and then get be surrounded by the guards.
That's impossible. Not again. Ever since I had to leave the base, paranoia are constantly haunting me. But when I think about it, it's all more than justified. I am at the headquarters of Mann Co. The seat of Gray Mann. I'm in mortal danger with the knowledge, not to be restored. And on top of that, I have the responsibility for Archimedes and the animals of the others, who are just as mortal as I am.
Hans looks worriedly at the owl in his arms.
That's the reality. And it has me back.
He reaches the wicket gate and uses the clock once again to be able to look around unmolested. But to his surprise, he realizes that the guardhouse is empty. The entrance seems completely unguarded. But that can not be. His heart starts to beat faster. Was he perhaps correct in his assumption that he was already detected and the guard was withdrawn to set him a trap? But what should he do? Aiméric and Mundy are held in there and he is now the only one who can save them. Come what may. If he is killed anyway, at least he doesn't have to blame himself for not having tried it.
“Archimedes, fly over and see if the guardhouse is occupied.”
“Coo~”
And again the dove flaps. Archimedes flies around the house once and looks through every window, but she cannot see anyone. It actually seems to be empty. Yes, it almost seems deserted. Because the interior looks a bit dusty.
Archimedes reports that to her Papa.
“Abandoned? That's strange. Can we trust that?”
“Coo~”
“If you say that. You did well, Archimedes. All I have to do now is figure out how to get over the fence.”
With one hand he reaches for the fence and shakes it. Locked. Yes. Of course.
“Verflucht…”
“Why is he not keep moving?” crows the eagle impatiently.
“We have to cross the fence.”
“Then why don't we just fly?”
“And how do we get my Papa over there?”
“It's always the same with these featherless problem makers.”
Contrary to the expectation of all animals, this time Dante doesn't growls at this statement. Calm, she turns her head to her back, where the eagle is still sitting on. “Do not be so strict with us. Not everyone can be a considerable bird of prey.”
When Compatriot hears this, he proudly blows up his chest. “In moments like these we need someone like you. You're the only one who can help us here, Adelar.”
“She's sweet-talking to him” Aberdeen whispers to Robin.
“I think they make a nice couple” Robin whispers back.
“The stubby tail is the only one savvy here. Follow her's example!”
“He is the only one who has no savvy” Aberdeen whispers to Robin.
“Maybe Dante has a good influence on him?” Robin whispers back.
“Whispering is not allowed!”
“And how do ya want to get into the guardhouse, lad? It looks locked.”
“Watch and learn, circus bird!” With these words the eagle flies into the air.
“What are you doing?!”
“You’re still in my beak?”
“Did you just forget about me?”
“That can happen from time to time. Normally, maggots wind.”
“I am not a maggot! Why don’t you drop me before you do sssomething ssstupid?”
And the eagle opens its beak wide and drops the tree snake.
“SSSSSSS! CATCH ME! CATCH ME!”
“Make up your mind” Compatriot falls behind and skilfully catches her with his beak.
“You are a birdbrain!”
“You are really brave to accompany me on my kamikaze mission.”
“What?!”
“If we die, we go down in history as heroes.”
“You still have not told me what you plan to do!”
Hans watches the eagle with a bad feeling.
“Three! Two! One… GO!”
Compatriot presses the wings to his body and lunges like a rocket from the sky, straight to the guardhouse.
“I HATE YOU!!”
In panic, the snake wraps its body around the neck of the eagle, which begins to gasp, but he doesn't let go of his route and at high speed the bird of prey breaks through one of the windows of the guardhouse.
“Gott im Himmel!” slips out of Hans' mouth and grabs the fence with one hand while trying to catch a look of the eagle.
“Did you see that... That was really cool!” the squirrel exclaims enthusiastically.
“That was not cool at all! The two have never survived!”
“Oh Adelar…”
The robin starts to chirp in panic. Archimedes sits frozen on the shoulder of her owner. Her little heart beats painfully against her breast. How could this happen?
After what seemed like an eternity in a state of shock, the wicket gate begins to move and clears the way. Hans loses no time. The door of the guardhouse seems locked, but the concern for the bird of prey gives him the strength to break it open with a powerful kick. Inside, he finds the animal sitting on the control console, unhurt at first sight. He carefully places the owl on a metal table and inspects Soldier's eagle.
“No bleeding wound, nothing broken?”
The doctor without medical license spreads one wing, then the other. The eagle likes it although his wings are ticklish.
“Thank God. You are truly a lucky guy, do you know that?” Hans examines the broken window. A few feathers hang on the remaining glass that still sits in the frame. “Incredible…”
Dante and the other animals storm the guardhouse to check on Compatriot.
“Are ya alright, lad?”
“Don’t I look so?”
“What were you thinking?” barks the Doberman.
“You said that I'm the only one who can help.”
“Of course! But I meant that you throw a stone or something in the window and not yourself! That's what I had in mind.”
“It worked, didn’t it?”
“Pah! Next time I ask the macaw for help.”
“Are you kidding me? He is not even half as strong as me. I am made of steel!”
“She was really worried about ya, ya know?” Aberdeen soothes.
“And Aberdeen and me and Archimedes too!” Robin beeps reproachfully. “And if Sir Hootsalot were awake, he would have worried too.”
“And you?” The eagle turns to the squirrel.
“Me? I think that was epic! You are not such a bore as I thought.”
“You see?”
“No one caresss about the opinion of an infantile rodent!”
The snake comes crawling out from under a cupboard next to the console.
“I was wondering where you were. Are you all right?”
“My body feelsss like pudding. But I think I'm unhurt.”
“We both are brothers in war now.”
“Ssstay away from me! Dante, may I piggyback onto you?”
“Sure. It's not easy to deal with Adelar.”
“The tree snake wiggles around the back left leg of the big dog.
“And if Medic sees you?”
“It’s fine for me! You are a suicide bird! Who would be able to handle you?”
“Pfft! You are not birds, after all. So can't understand that! Am I right, Archimedes?” No answer. “Where is he?”
“She” corrects Aberdeen the eagle.
“Yeah. Whatever.”
“Archimedes, Medic and Sir Hootsalot have continue. Let's go, lads!” The animals follow them outside. Except for the squirrel and the eagle.
“The cupcake and his sugar glaze have just gone on” the eagle babbles to itself.
“I think you're cool! They all have no idea. You’re a real war hero and comrade-savior. May I fly on your back?”
The eagle looks at the squirrel with a stern look. “How much do you weigh?”
“Less than a dog.”
“Do you have fleas?”
“No.”
“Well, all right.”
“Nice!”
Quick and enthusiastic, the rodent climbs the raptor's back and flies with him to the others. They are all standing in front of the entrance to the main building. Compatriot settles on Dante's back.
Hans views the cameras above the entrance. They look disabled. No movement, no red light, just nothing. There are no movements behind the glass doors either. If he did not know better, Ludwig would suspect the building is deserted. But it would be more likely to assume that the Armageddon is coming tomorrow.
“!!!”
Hans is startled when he realizes that he is visible again. He had not noticed. That's why he was so confident in front of the cameras...
But that doesn’t matter. The cameras are off. However in the future he should be more careful.
“Well? Shall we?”
Almost reluctantly Hans and the animals enter the foyer. Empty. No living soul in sight.
That cannot be…
On the wall to his left is a counter that seems to have been unoccupied for some time. At each corner are large potted plants that are already withering.
Two elevators next to each other and a staircase in the rear part of the entrance hall lead to the upper floors. A double door to his right seems to lead into a sort of assembly hall. Hans takes a look inside of it. Empty, of course. Everywhere are expensive-looking chairs and settees. He puts the owl down on one of the these settees. This place seems safe. Here he can leave the animals and go in search of spy and sniper. And the high backrest protects them from the burning sun that shines through the large windows.
“Archimedes, you stay here, too.”
“Coo~”
“Since Saxton Hale has lost Mann Co. to Gray Mann, the HQ seems to have changed a lot. I'm pretty sure nobody will come here. You are safe here and you will not move, understood?”
The animals look at him with their head on the side.
“I’m counting on you, Archimedes.”
“Coo~”
And so Hans returns to the foyer and closes the double door behind him. The animals stay alone.
“What do you think, how long he will take?” asks Robin.
“Hard to say” Aberdeen replies. “The building is huge. If he would let us help, the search would go faster.”
“We will help him.”
“What? Archimedes? It's out of character for you to be disobedient.”
“Papa is in danger here. Something is wrong.”
“The dove is right” agrees Dante. “Something is in the air. And I don't like it. So we should decide who stays with the owl and the rest should go. I think that the robin and the squirrel should stay.”
“Nope! When the eagle leaves, I'll come with you!”
“You were jussst a millssstone around our neck.”
“And you would be more useful, you miserable creeper?”
“Sssnakesss are naturally ussseful animalsss becaussse we eat dissseassse-transssmitting and annoying rodentsss!”
“I've always wondered what kind of snake ya are.”
“A tree sssnake. I've sssaid that a thousssand timesss!”
“Alright, lad. But what exactly kind tree snake? Are ya a natter or a mamba or something?”
“Uuh…”
“Oh my God! You don't even know what kind of a snake you are? Ahahaha!” The squirrel doubles up with laughter.
“Ssshut up! I wasss born in captive, okay?”
“So you lied when you said you were born in the wilderness!”
“I wasss embarrasssed.”
“Ya don’t have to be embarrassed. I was born in captivity too. Never mind.”
“Me too” Archimedes says.
“I was not born captive, but I was captured when I was very young.”
“And you, Dante?” jokes Compatriot in a serious voice.
“Very funny. Now I think the robin, the squirrel and the snake should stay here.”
“NO!”
“Okay, no problem. Me and Robin stay here and take care of Sir Hootsalot” offers the Ara. “Is that okay with you, Robin?”
“Agreed!”
“Very well. Then let us go now. Dante, are you opening the door, please?”
“Sure.”
With ease, the Doberman stands on the hind legs and presses with her big paws the handle down.
“Okay, we will try to hurry.”
“Be careful!” Robin chirps anxiously. “Please, Archimedes…”
“Don’t worry. We'll be back sooner than you think, and then we'll go home together.”
And with that they have disappeared through the door.
“………”
“Don't worry, lad. Dante and Compatriot are with them. Nothing can go wrong.”
“Compatriot? Are you sure?”
“Well, he is a chaotic, but loyal and strong.”
“You're right, Aberdeen.” The robin looks at the sleeping owl. “I envy Sir Hootsalot a little bit. When he wakes up, it's all over. I just hope he will not be in pain.”
“I hardly believe that. After all, he was medicates by Medic. He is the best doctor in the world.”
“But he is not a veterinarian?”
“Those who can heal people without a license, don’t need a veterinary license, either.”
“I guess you're right. As always. You are so clever, Aberdeen~ After all, you can also imitate the human language. That is very impressive.”
“Thanks, Lad.” The macaw's chest swells with pride.
“Will you teach me that? Then I can finally talk to Misha! Oh, how exciting!”
“Oh uh... I think that will not be possible. Only parrots can speak human language.”
“Oh…”
“But to comfort ya, it's not really speaking. It's more repeating things. I pick up the words my owner says and repeat it. KA-BOOM! is my favorite word.”
Robin jumps startled. “I see. It's still enviable.”
“I envy ya, too.“
„What?! For what? I'm nothing special, just a robin.”
“Of course ya are. Ya have such a beautiful red. I wish I had a nice red throat like ya.”
“R-really?”
“Of course. Red is one of my favorite colors. Especially when it shines so beautifully.”
“Oh...” Robin hides his face behind one of his little wings to hide the blush in his face.
“I also like this red.” Aberdeen puts a wing around the robin and presses it against his body. “I like you, little one.”
“I like you, too, Aberdeen~”
The two sit close together and watch over Sir Hootsalot, waiting for the others return.
“How did you actually meet Tavish?”
“Haven't I told it yet? It was a funny story.”
Heavy is slow. Very slowly. This is particularly apparent on the new map. But in the end it turns out that sometimes it can be an advantage to be slow.
He who laughs last, laughs loudest
Mountain Lab:
The RED team is at the ready. Rocket launchers, Medigun and Minigun at the ready too, the mercenaries are waiting to get the green light from the administrator to take control points one at a time and then wipe out the entire BLU team.
“Mission begins in ten seconds!” the voice echoes from the speakers.
Mountain Lab is called this place. It is only the second time that they are fighting here. A battleground in the middle of a big, dark forest. And accordingly, it looks like this. Dark. Even during the day. Above this forest hovers a darkness that is present even during the day. The only thing that enlightens this place are the lanterns that are scattered around here.
“Five!”
The first time they won.
“Four!”
They will win again.
“Three!”
Because this “map”, as the battlegrounds are called, allows the Mercs to apply a unique tactic.
“Two!”
The Blitzkrieg.
“One!”
The gate opens and the Mercs do not hesitate for a second. They storm out and it starts.
Demoman spreads some of his sticky bombs on the ground and catapults himself high in the air. So high that he could overcome every building and every mountain.
Soldier copies him with his rocket jump. He takes Medic under his arm and with a Bang! these two are gone, too.
Far in the background the fight sounds are clearly audible. So far up in the air, they are out of reach of the enemy Sentry and can easily destroy them with bombs and missiles from above. And the defending team as well. And Scout takes advantage of it to quickly conquer the control points. That's why he is starting now. As fast as the wind, he disappeared around the corner to do his part. Until the BLU team respawns, they will have already conquered all control points. Just like last time.
Pyro starts up his Thermal Thruster and follows the others through the air.
Engineer uses his Sentry whisperer to let throw himself from his Sentry into the air.
Sniper simply uses his van to follow the team. The road to the control points is wide enough to get through with his vehicle.
And Spy? Spy just makes himself invisible and is gone, too.
A clever and efficient tactic that, however, has a catch for one of them.
Heavy stays back, all alone.
He cannot fly, nor is he fast on foot. On the contrary. He is the slowest in the whole team. The last time, when he has finally caught up with the others, they have already won.
He feels so useless…
And to make him feel even worse, Scout makes fun of him.
The administrator evaluates their actions in combat and displays the points of each of them on a board.
The last time Heavy had zero points. And this time it will probably not be different.
“Captured the control point A!”
Now fast! Even though Heavy knows he will not fight this time again, he still tries to keep up and runs.
The weight of the minigun additionally throttles its speed. But Heavy is hanging on.
He follows the path to the first control point. When he passes by, the administrator announces that they have now also captured control point B.
Only one is missing and the Russian has not even made half of the route. Even Engineer with his toolbox is faster than him. Neither at checkpoint A nor at checkpoint B you can see the red Sentry. How does he manage to get his sentries up and down so fast? Maybe he is a magician? Heavy will ask him.
“We have captured the last control point! The slaughter festival can begin!” the bodyless voice of the administrator dins through the place. She sounds very satisfied and almost a bit eager. For this woman, it must be a real satisfaction when the winning team chases and destroys the loser team down to the last. Of course, it must be mentioned that she is neither on the side of the RED, nor on the BLUs. Should the BLU team win, she would also proudly announce their victory and wish them much fun in slaughtering the RED team.
This woman gives Heavy the creeps…
Heavy had almost reached the lab where the last control point is located. From inside you can hear the laughter of his teammates. Shots and exploding bombs and missiles.
Heavy had never been involved in such a thing. If a team loses, they are prohibited from continuing to fight. They have to lay down their weapons. Also with the knowledge to be killed.
Heavy does not think it's right to kill unarmed people. That's just not right. While the others enjoy it, the Russian feels compassion for his enemies.
In order not to have to look at this, he turns to return to the base.
In the evening, the members of the RED teams sit together and celebrate their success with a feast. The Mercs share each other their fighting skills of today for the best.
“Did you see how I finished off the BLU Heavy?” Scout boasts. “Jumped around him all the time while the slowpoke tried to target me with his minigun. And then - plumps - he fell over.”
“And then I shredded him into a thousand pieces with a nice crit bomb! Harhar!”
“Pfft! You stole my kill, cyclops.”
“Well, boy. First come, first served. Didn't your mother teach ya not to play with your victim?”
“I was just having fun. Just because you kill does not necessarily mean that you have to be deadly serious at work.”
“I am not. But when I see a BLU, I kill him without hesitation. No matter if he's sitting on the toilet, sleeping or doing high five with another BLU. Because that's what I enjoy a lot. Will ya give me the sushi?”
“Yes, of course.”
Scout picks up one of the Maki, takes a big swing and throws it like a pitcher in baseball in Demoman's direction. But this one stays cool and skillfully catches it with one hand.
“Thanks mate.”
“Pah…”
“Medic, I have to say, you were in top shape again today. For your age, I mean.”
Soldier puts an arm around Medic's shoulder next to him.
“Thank you, Soldier. I do my best. But do me a favor and warn me before you blow yourself up with me.”
“Rocket jumps are a must! Without them a... a... thingamajig would not be possible!”
“You mean Blitzkrieg? That's a simple word.”
“German words just don't pass my lips easily.”
“That surprises me. Because Fritz, Kraut, Kaiser and Oktoberfest you can pronounce excellent.”
“That's just coincidence.”
“Of course.”
Medic rolls his eyes. His gaze get caught on Heavy.
“Heavy, I missed you today.”
“Yeah, fatty! Where have you been again? You had no points again.”
“Heavy is not fast enough to keep up with Blitzkrieg.”
“Aww! Why not? Are you too old or too fat? Hmm... I guess you're too fat.”
Engineer clears his throat to attract attention.
“This is the second time that Heavy has been unable to participate in combat. We should think about how we can change that.”
“Why? That's not necessary. We have proven twice that we can manage without him.”
“Shut up, Scout!” Spy warns. “Engineer is right. Heavy is part of this team. And we must not leave anyone behind.”
“The next fight against BLU in the Mountain Lab is the day after tomorrow. So we only have one day to get Heavy fit.”
“What do you say, Heavy?”
“Heavy does not want to be left behind. Please help me.”
“Now you're talking! We will not let you down, lad!”
“Yes, we will make you get a move on, commie. With my training you will soon be as fast as a rocket!”
“I too will come up with something. Don't worry, Heavy.”
“Thank you, Doktor.”
Heavy is touched. He really has a great team. But at the same time he is worried. How do they want to do that? And this training from Soldier...
Heavy is rudely awakened from sleep the next morning.
He sleepily lifts his head and discovers Soldier standing in front of his bed, his trumpet in one hand.
“Get out of bed, maggot! It's already late!”
Heavy glances at the clock. It’s 6 o'clock in the morning.
He opens his mouth to protest but Soldier interrupts him.
“Don't give me that Let me sleep for another 5 minutes bullshit! Do you want to keep up with us or not?”
“All right. Heavy understood.”
“Then stand up and come along!”
“I have to get dressed first.”
“And even if you were naked! There is no time!”
Now Heavy changes to bear mode. He gets out of bed and looks down at Soldier with a warning look. “Heavy. Will. Not. Train. In. Pyjama” he growls.
The American selects reverse gear. At the door of the room he barks for the last time: “Don't stay too long in front of the mirror! You are not going on the catwalk, after all!” And then he disappeared.
“Hmpf!”
A little later Heavy stands in his full Mercenary overall with Soldier on the training ground behind their base. He presses his rocket launcher into his hands.
“You know how to use such a weapon?”
“No…”
“Lift the launcher on your shoulder, aim at the target and then fire! So not unlike like other weapons.”
Heavy follows Soldier's instruction, but faces an obstacle.
“What's up? Shoot!”
“I do not know how.”
“Are you blind? At the far handle is a trigger.”
Heavy's finger gropes for it and he finds it. But...
“What is it now?”
“My finger does not fit through the ring.”
“Are you serious, son? Wait. MEDIC! MMEEEEEEEDDDIIIIIIIIICCC!”
The doctor appears at one of the windows and looks slightly acidified.
“What?”
“Bring me a tube of oil right away!”
“What!?”
“Just do it, sister!”
“Ja, ja…”
Medic left.
“And hurry up!”
“Why're ya screaming like that?” Demoman shouts angrily from another window. “There are people here who still want to sleep!”
“Really, Hardhelm! What are you thinking?” Now Scout is awake too.
“Sleep time is over! Up with your tired bones and mustered! And also tell that the other lame-o! AND I SCREAM AS MUCH AS I WANT, MAGGOTS!”
There are no arguments.
Heavy feels uncomfortable. He really wants help and support, but when Soldier deals with the others like that, the Russian fears that they might be mad at him. Because if he were not so slow, all this would not be necessary here at all. And it does not matter that Soldier always talks to them like that.
Medic is the first to join them. He brought his Medigun and hands Soldier the tube of oil.
“Here.”
The American takes it from him, grabs Heavy's hand and pours half the bottle on his forefinger. The feeling of this greasy liquid on the skin makes Heavy feel unwell.
“Go now! Finger through the hole!”
When he tried again, it does not succeed the first time, but eventually the oil does its work and Heavy can finally put his finger on the trigger. However, he cannot bend it properly because his finger is just too big.
“So! Now point the rocket launcher to the ground-“
“Wait!”
“Stay out of this, sister! You have no idea about heavy weapons! So don't disturb us during training!”
“Maybe I don’t understand much about heavy weapons, yes. But I understand a lot about injuries.”
“And?”
Now Demoman, Engineer and the rest come to the training ground.
“Hey, hey, hey! That looks interesting” scoffs Scout, as he sees the Russian with the rocket launcher.
“Why don’t you give him the practice rocket launcher? He would take less damage.”
“You're right. Maybe I should also use the practice rocket launcher in the fight against the BLUs.”
Medic rolls his eyes annoyed.
“Maggot! The commie must learn to practice jumping with a real rocket launcher! Because tomorrow it depends!”
“Okay, good. But then help me to provide my Übercharge.”
“We don’t have time for that!”
“Okay, good. Then tomorrow I will go with Heavy. He certainly appreciates my Übercharge.”
Heavy looks uncertainly between Soldier and Medic back and forth.
“Haha! That's better than a sitcom!”
“Fine” Soldier growls, taking Heavy the rocket launcher away (initially with difficulty because his big finger got stuck in the ring). “Then aim for it, Doc. All out of the way!”
The rest of the team takes a big step backwards. Medic activates the Medigun and Soldier starts small rocket jumps to allow Medic to recharge his Medigun.
“Okay, I’m charged now.”
Finally! And you, Commie? Did you pay attention and see how I did that?”
“Da…”
“Then here you go.”
Soldier hands Heavy his rocket launcher and disgusted wipes down the oil on his pants.
Heavy looks worried.
“Don't worry. I take care that you don't hurt yourself” promises Medic him and that gives him courage.
He loads the heavy weapon on his shoulder, fights his finger again through the hole on the trigger and directs the barrel to the ground.
“Okay, I'll start the Übercharge. You have 8 seconds. Ready?”
“Da, Doktor.”
“Let’s go.”
Ludwig starts the Übercharge. He and Heavy are dipped in the familiar red light and the Russian does not hesitate to pull the trigger.
The rocket shoots from the muzzle. The explosion carries Heavy only a few inches above the ground. This brings him completely out of balance and he crashes to the ground.
“Jump! You have to jump, maggot! It doesn't mean rocket jump for nothing!”
Heavy feels pressured.
“There are still 50%, Heavy. You can do it!”
Misha is really pleased that Medic has such confidence in him, but he can jump as well as he can run.
But he gets up and tries again. As strong as possible, the Russian pushes off the ground and simultaneously shoots the second rocket. And in fact he comes up to two meters high.
“Yes! Very good, Heavy!”
But he loses his balance again. He makes a half turn and with his belly forward he falls to the ground. In panic Heavy activates the trigger and a rocket shoots from the muzzle, which is aimed directly at Scout and the others.
“Watch out!”
Everyone manages to get out of the way, except for…
“SPY!”
“What?”
BOOM!
Blood, guts and intestines are spread on the training ground.
Heavy strikes the ground, landing on the rocket launcher that breaks through in the middle.
“Eww…”
“Haha! I bet Spy had a different picture of his morning” Scout laughs.
“You will mop up this mess here!”
“What?! Why me? I didn't shred the guy into a thousand pieces!”
“This was an order!”
“I don’t touch that! Geez! What’s your problem?”
Soldier is angry because Heavy has destroyed his rocket launcher, "Medic soothes. His Übercharge has just lasted until Heavy is back on the ground with both legs.
“Pah! In the storage room there are still enough rocket launcher of this kind.”
“Yes. But only this one had a rare skin.”
“Shut up, Fritz! I'll go get a new one, then we'll try something else!”
Soldier trudges away.
“I will not clear away this filth here for sure. That's what Spy can do. After all, this are his body parts.”
“Stop grousing and do what ya're told.”
“Want to mess with me, Cyclops?”
“I'll spank you so hard that your bottom looks like a baboon ass!”
Medic starts to listen attentively. “Baboon?”
But the two squabblers ignore him.
“And why are you so pissed off? Didn't had your alcohol today, eh? Take a long sip and come off.”
“How dare ya to talk to me like that?”
“The way you usually talk to a drunkard.”
“Come here!”
Demoman starts hunting Scout. The guy is much faster than the bomb specialist. Actually, he has absolutely no chance to catch him. But Scout slips on the blood and falls to the ground. Demoman doesn't waste any time, grabs the boy, pulls down his pants and underpants and gives him a hard punch on the buttocks. The sound of his flat hand striking the virgin white bottom echoed throughout the place, followed by Scout's cry of pain.
Medic shakes his head in disappointment and turns his attention to Heavy. He stands there and looks guiltily down on the broken rocket launcher.
“Are you okay, Heavy?”
“Yes ... I'm sorry about the rocket launcher.”
“Don’t worry about that.”
“But what if the rocket launcher for Soldier was what Sasha is for me? It would break Heavy's Heart if something happened to Sasha.”
“I don't think that's how it is. His launcher didn't even have a name - unlike his shovel... He's just so upset because this rocket launcher had a rare skin. He will calm down again.”
“I'm back!” Soldier returns with a new rocket launcher. “It has not been cleaned here yet!”
“Shut up!” Scout screams at him as he rubs his aching butt.
“Pfah! And what about you, sister? Is the Übercharge ready?”
“No?”
“Do I have to do everything by myself?”
“Don’t worry. It's done in a minute. Unless you help me again.”
“No time for that! Just aim.”
“What are you planning, Soldier?”
But the American ignores Medic and turns to Heavy. He kicks the remains of his old rocket launcher aside.
“Get on my shoulder, commie!”
“H-heavy does not think that is a good idea.”
“Shut up and climb!” Jane kneels down.
Heavy looks confused over to Medic. He shrugs and nods.
The seasoned Russian tries to ascend from behind. Soldier grits his teeth. Heavy is heavy. No question. But Soldier actually manages to get up with Heavy on his shoulders. Medic keeps up with aim with the Medigun without a break.
Solly's legs are shaking heavily under the weight they have to carry.
“Okay, commie. I'm going to blow ourselves up now. Don't wobble, understood?”
“D-da…”
Heavy does not feel good about it. Just as Medic and the others.
Soldier aims with the rocket launcher to the ground and fires. However, Heavy is so heavy that he cannot jump even an inch.
The result: everything below his hips gets blast away.
At the same moment Spy steps out of the base, freshly spawned and slightly acidified. But he hardly stands outside, he is hit by flying body parts and carried off his feet.
Soldier lies with his back on the ground, out of his throat escapes a mark-piercing cry of pain.
Heavy has remained as good as unhurt. He was blown up a bit by the blast and now lands on Soldier's face with all his weight. His scream is stifled, and only a moment later nothing is heard from Soldier.
Heavy hastily rolls off his face. Scout and the others turn away in disgust. Soldier's face is flattened. His nose is bent sideways and blood flows out of it and the mouth. His eyes are staring blankly into the air. But he is still alive.
Medic strengthened the beam of his Medigun and in just a few seconds Soldier is restored, plus two new legs, while Spy is buried beneath the old ones.
Medic helps him up. He does not speak but gropes around in his face and then his head. His helmet is no longer there. Heavy discovers it on the ground, picks it up and hands it to Soldier.
He tears it from his hand and puts it back on.
“Soldier?”
Finally, Jane clears his throat.
“Heavy…”
“Yes, Soldier?”
“You are even heavier than a fat, adult blue whale ashore! Not even Hercules could lift you up and make a rocket jump at the same time!”
Embarrassed, Heavy looks down on the floor.
“Now it's Demoman's turn to practice sticky bomb jumping with you!”
“NAH!”
Spy now joins the group after freeing himself from Soldier's legs. His suit is smeared with blood but he still tries to keep his composure.
“You doing it all wrong. Heavy will never manage it till tomorrow. For that you need years of training. Especially someone like Heavy.”
“And what do you suggest, Frenchie?”
“No idea. Maybe he should run a few laps. Scout, you wanted to do it, right?”
“Yeah! I'll hunt that meatball for a few laps around the place. I'll make him fit!”
“And if that doesn't work, we still ‘ave Medic. Docteur, you ‘ave something in store for ‘im, right?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then we should leave that to the two from now on. No more explosions, understood?”
“What about you, Spy?”
“What?”
“What do you do to help Heavy?”
“I don’t know how.”
“You could give him your watch.”
“To become invisible does not mean to gain speed. These are two different things, Sniper. But we could easily do it all by letting him ride in your van.”
“No way! My tires would bursting! Oh uh... no offense, Heavy.”
“It is okay.”
“And how about Pyro moving him with the airblast of his flame thrower? Pyro, come here!”
Pyro does what Soldier tells him to do.
“Good thing he always has his flamethrower with him” says Engineer.
“I think that's scary...” Scout replies.
Soldier positions Pyro in front of Heavy.
“And now blow him off!”
The Russian begins to tremble all over. He does not quite trust Pyro. Instead of using the airblast, he could turn him into a living torch. But Pyro stands still and looks at Soldier with his head to one side.
“Pretend as if you would extinguish him!” Soldier's orders but Pyro's only reaction is to shift his head to the other side.
“Ggrrr! Wait a moment! Maybe we have to light the commie, so the maggot knows what he has to do.”
Heavy startles. Enraged, he grabs Soldier by the neck and pulls him up to him, while he bares his teeth.
“Never mind, lad. I hardly believe that the airblast is strong enough to move Heavy. And even if. If Pyro encounters the BLUs, he will be out of ammo to fight.”
“Okay, okay! Roger that! Now let me down!”
Heavy lets go of Soldier and he grabs his aching neck. “Then Scout and Medic should take care of you, but I don't think that's going to happen.”
“Yeah!”
“And the other sad rest wipes away the blood here!”
“Cannot we just leave that to the rain?” Demoman asks with a disgusted look on the innards at his feet.
“Has anyone volunteered for the one-man cleaning army right now?”
Demoman, Spy, Sniper and Engineer exchange views - and walk away.
“Hey, where are you going? Come back immediately! I'm not taking care of this mess alone by myself!” Soldier follows the others upset and almost stumbles around his abandoned legs. Even in the base his screaming can still be heard.
Heavy, Medic and Scout follow them with the eyes. Then their attention turns to Pyro, who is still standing in front of Heavy with his flamethrower and somehow looks lost.
Scout claps his hands to get his attention.
“Skedaddle! Shoo!”
Pyro doesn't stir for a second but then he wobbles to the others into the base.
“Funny guy…”
Heavy breaths deeply in and out. He is just glad that the mouth of the flame-thrower is no longer aimed at him.
“Want to try it first, Scout?”
“For sure! If that does not work, you're our ace in the sleeve, Doc.”
“If you say so.”
“Well then come on the racetrack, fatty. I will make you fit!”
“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon!”
Stertorously, Heavy runs after Scout. He runs in front of him, backwards and propels him, although they have already run a thousand rounds - it seems to Heavy anyway. He is completely at the end.
“Heavy... Heavy can't go on any longer...!”
“Are you kiddin' me? That's just the fifth round! Don't you feel the runner's high?”
“I feel *gasp* an emerging *gasp* heart attack!”
“Don't make such a fuss and run a little faster instead!”
Heavy grabs his left chest and continues to lose speed until he finally comes to a stop and bends over gasping.
“Scout is worked up. “Geez! Doc, can you come? The pork jowl has a heart attack.”
Medic, who had been watching the two from the edge, approaches them.
“With the heart of a baboon a myocardial infarction is almost impossible.”
“Yeah, whatever. I'm not in the mood anymore. This slowpoke is not trainable. Good luck with him.”
And with these words he leaves the two alone.
“Are you okay, Heavy?”
“Scout is right.”
“Maybe you are not the fastest, but everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. And Scout is no exception. He is fast and agile, but you are tall and strong and can thus break through the enemy lines like a tank.”
“A tank is also slow. And in this blitzkrieg my strength has no use.”
“Yes, that is problematic. I have something prepared. If you want, I'll give you a syringe with special content. It must not be. All we have to do is win once more on this map and we're off to the next one. Maybe we would need your skills there more.”
Heavy's thinking. They only have to win once and then no longer fight on this map. So it probably would not make any difference if he could keep up with his team or not. But because it's the last fight, he wants to be present!
He has decided.
“Heavy wants to keep up with the team.”
“OK. Then please follow me to the infirmary. There I give you the remedy and then we see what happens.”
Heavy falters. “How does Doktor mean that?”
“Oh, um ... I have not tested it yet. I was on it all night yesterday. Of course, I had no opportunity to test it on a living being. But that's not a problem for you, is it? You were the first one whose heart I changed. Everything went well.”
“Doktor is right.”
Medic and Heavy make their way to the infirmary. When they enter, Heavy is amazed at the mess that reigns there.
“Please take a seat. I'll get the serum.”
Heavy does what Medic tells him, sits down and looks around. When Medic steps in, he notices his eyes.
“I'm sorry it looks here like this.”
“Is it because of that?” Heavy asks, looking at the syringe in Medic's hand.
“Indeed.”
“The color is purple…”
“Do not worry. The color has nothing to do with the content. I've been slipping around until the liquid turns purple. I like the color. And now please give me your arm, so I can inject it into your veins.”
“What is it's name?”
“What? Oh, I don't have a name yet. I don't even know if it works at all.”
Heavy lets Medic inject the liquid. He bites his teeth tightly as it begins to radiate in his whole arm.
“And what does that do to Heavy?”
“Well, it should make you faster. If everything works out. It ensures that your energy is used efficiently when you start to run. All power is applied to your legs. You could reach top speeds and maybe even run faster than Scout.”
Heavy's heart is filled with excitement. He would like to test it immediately.
“You should still wait. The serum must first spread in your body and attach itself. By tomorrow morning at the latest, you should be ready for action. Don't worry and have a nice day. How about chess?”
“Da!”
“But first I have to clean up a bit here. Prepare everything.”
The next day the Mercs are back in the starting blocks. Heavy is nervous. So far, he has felt no change since he was injected with the purple stuff. His Sasha, however, feels much easier today than usual today.
Medic notices his uncertain expression and pats his shoulder in a friendly tone.
“Don't worry, Heavy. If the serum actually does not work - which should be absolutely impossible - we will win very quickly and then we are gone. On a map where you'll be back in the front. As is usual, okay?”
“You are right, Doktor.”
Medic gives him an encouraging smile. “That's right. Always remember that this team needs you. Plus, you're always shown on the cover pages of the monthly mercenary journal. You're a role model for anyone who wants to be a Heavy Weapons Guy.”
Now, Heavy's smile returns. “Doktor is right! Heavy is slow but strong and never gives up! I will follow you. No matter if I catch up with the team timely or not.”
“That's what I call fighting spirit!”
“Mission begins in ten seconds!”
“Come here, sister!” Soldier grabs Medic from behind and tucks him under his arm. “Übercharge ready?”
“Of course. I hope this is the last time I have to blow myself up with you.”
“Kraut grows out of the ground and eagles fly through the air.”
“Hmpf!”
“Five!”
Despite Medic's words, Heavy's heart starts beating faster.
“Four!”
How slow he may be, he will follow the team!
“Three!”
It is the last fight.
“Two!”
Heavy watches the others. Everyone looks so confident as they stand like saltpans waiting for the kickoff. Snipers Van howls softly, in anticipation of finally starting.
“One!”
Here we go!
With a loud bang Soldier and Demoman catapulted into the air. Medic screams in panic.
With a devious laugh Scout is sprinting after them. Engineer uses his Sentry and Pyro his Thermal Thruster to follow Soldier and Demoman through the air.
Sniper follows the team in his van and Spy rides along with him by doing himself comfortable on the back bumper bar.
The Russian sighs.
Let’s go, Heavy.
He picks up his beloved Sasha and starts to run. He is slow, as always. Actually, Medics serum does not work. But Heavy is not angry or disappointed. But on the contrary. He is very grateful that they all took the trouble to help him. Even though he was more or less insulted in the end.
Luckily, the first checkpoint is not far off and Heavy is amazed when he catch up with his team there. And only then he notices that no fight noises were heard.
“What's the matter?” Heavy asks as he arrives.
“No idea, lad. The checkpoint was unguarded when we arrived here” Demoman answers.
“Pfft! These cowards” Scout laughs, standing on the checkpoint, switching the color of the light from blue to red. “They don't want to show any weakness of a total annihilation a third time and refuse to fight.”
“They cannot do that. They commit a violation of a contract!”
“I don’t care about that. The faster the better.”
Everyone takes it that way and hurries on to the second checkpoint. Heavy does not immediately follow this time. The whole thing seems a bit strange to him. Could that be a trap?
He looks around in all directions. The enemy does not seem to be around. From behind they will probably not be attacked. The place seems completely deserted. Is it really possible that the BLU team refuses to fight? If it really is, then they do not have the right to call themselves mercenaries. No honor, no pride, just cowards. And yet, Heavy surprises the reaction of their enemies. They have been fighting them for a few years now. And so far nothing like that had happened. However, the BLUs have recently suffered some crushing defeats.
“………”
“Captured the control point B!”
The voice of the administrator tears Heavy out of his thoughts and he starts moving again and follows the path through the short passage and past the second checkpoint. This, too, seemed to have been unguarded.
Heavy has a bad feeling.
Heavy finally reaches the entrance to the lab, where the third and final checkpoint is located. Nobody from his team can be seen, so they must all be inside. But why does not the administrator announce that control point C has been conquered and wishes them a happy slaughter fest? Is the third checkpoint not guarded, too? And his team is now looking for the BLUs to find out where they are before they start conquering?
Heavy had not made it to the heart of the large laboratory building so far. He climbs a staircase and looks up there. Lots of rooms with some kind of technical equipment Heavy can do absolutely nothing with. Why are there places like this here anyway?
The Russian is about to call for Medic and the others when loud, vicious laughter keeps him from doing so.
“Hm?”
Heavy returns to the main hallway. There is a large panoramic window without glass. He looks from there to the floor below him and is astonished and shocked at the same time as he discovers the third checkpoint - and his team, surrounded by the BLUs.
Instinctively, Heavy is ducking. Caution, he peeks over the edge to get an accurate picture of the situation. It does not look good.
BLU Heavy, Demoman, Scout and Spy are standing around them, their weapons pointed at them. Engineer sets up his Sentry on the checkpoint while Sniper points his sniper rifle at them from a few meters distance.
Even the BLU Medic keeps them at bay with his crossbow.
Apropos weapons... The entire RED team is unarmed!
How could this happen?
Heavy tries to look for the dropped weapons, but he cannot see them anywhere. They probably did not just drop them. Well, maybe the BLUs took the weapons from them.
“Finally we've got ya, ya rats” laughs BLU Demoman. “At first we were worried that ya could see through our trap, but because of your arrogance, ya went straight in and that's just because last two fights ya won in a rout.”
“Pride will ’ave a fall” Spy agrees.
“You said it, lad!”
“Were not you suspicious when you could easily conquer the control points?”
“No offense meant, Harthelm, but even with you we have no trouble conquering” mocks RED Scout and winks at Engineer.
“Boy, oh boy” Engineer steps toward Scout, aiming his shotgun between his eyes. “Otherwise you'll die first of all.”
“Why don't you just shoot, huh?”
“Because we want to kill you RED rats in a special way.”
“And how?”
“We will squash you - with the magnet above you.”
Heavy looks up at the ceiling. There actually hangs a big, circular magnet the size of a checkpoint and on the body hang the weapons of his teammates. So the BLU team took away their weapons. And now they are to be crushed by this magnet? The thing looks like it weighs a ton. A horrible death...
“Pfft! Let the thing fall onto us so we can get it over with.”
“Do you really think we will kill you quickly?” BLU Soldier grins maliciously. “No, very slowly you will be crushed under the magnet and you will live so long to witness how each and every bone break in your body, your ribs penetrate your lungs and your blood clogs your airway.”
“Haha! Yes, you have to know what that feels like, maggot. I remember well that you got caught in the death trap on the Egypt map and was crushed by the ceiling. Slowly.”
BLU Soldier growls threateningly. “Not slow enough. Cannot wait for you to lie before me like feet-crushed maggots.”
Heavy has to swallow hard when he hears that. The BLU team is more angry as he had previously adopted. He cannot let that happen!
Suddenly he hears BLU Medic saying: “Hey, there's one missing. Where is your Heavy?”
“The slowpoke couldn't keep up with us. He probably didn't even manage half the distance. You sure know what that's like, isn't it, fatty? "Scout winks at BLU Heavy. The Russian growls threateningly.
“Should we wait for him?”
“No. We'll get the commie later. Now I want to hear bones crack. Engie! Reinforce the ground magnet!”
“Hell yeah!”
Suddenly the members of the RED team fall to the ground for no apparent reason and stay there.
At first, Heavy does not understand, but then he realizes it. Why they had not stirred the whole time, not resisted. They could not. And only then does Heavy realize that the ground looks different under them. A magnetic field.
“And now deactivate the ceiling magnet!”
As before, the BLU Engineer presses a button on his remote control and suddenly the weapons are released from the magnet above them. BLU Pyro screams, pulls out his flamethrower and with a targeted air pressure, the weapons are thrown over the checkpoint. In addition, they are shredded by Engineer’s Level-3-Sentry in pieces, where the separates finally disappear in the dark abyss.
“And this bring us to the fun part. Engie!”
“Heck yeah!”
Now the heavyweight ceiling magnet begins to lower.
RED Heavy's heart begins to pump. He feels adrenaline rushing through his veins and shaking his body. He clenches his big hands into fists.
“Never, never, make me angry!”
Even as the BLU team turns around for the voice, Heavy lifts his Sasha over the edge and fires at the opposing Sentry on the placed checkpoint. Together with it, Engineer is also pierced by the hail of bullets and collapses dead while his sentry gun decays into pieces with a loud bang.
“KILL HIM!” Orders Soldier, and the BLU team fires with everything it has. Heavy is too slow to dodge. He would have had to drop Sasha for that, but he has not the heart to do it.
A hail of rockets, bombs and bullets charged at him. Instinctively, he holds his arm protectively over his face, his eyes tightly closed.
He hears it banging, but more does not seem to happen.
“HEAVY!”
Medics voice calling him. Only then does the Russian dare to reopen his eyes - and is more than amazed when he realizes that his whole body has plunged into this familiar blood red, as evoked by Medics Übercharge. But Medic is still down there on the ground, unable to move. How is that possible? The reason for that can't be Medic's medicine, can it?
Heavy is so confused that he does not notice that the BLU team has given up shooting at him and the BLU Soldier grabbed Engineer's remote and presses a button on it.
Suddenly, Heavy's weapon is pulled up by an invisible force. It’s owner opposes with all his might, but the pull gets stronger and stronger. It's the ceiling magnet that attracts his Minigun. With a powerful jerk he flies across the deep abyss over to the large body and sticks there. Below him, his team lying on the ground.
BLU Soldier laughs victoriously.
Got you, commie! Now you can still be killed together with your team. However you may have gained invulnerability without help, but Übercharge or not- it will not prevent you from being squashed. Maybe you'll live a little longer and watch your comrades die miserably before your turn. Enjoy this moment! I will for sure.”
The Ceiling Magnet continues to descend incessantly on Heavy's team. He does not want to be crushed. Heavy is the one who crushes enemies and things!
He realizes that he has no trouble holding himself on his weapon. As if the vigors never end. Could it be that Medic's miracle medicine has not only given him invulnerability, but also a surge of power? The closer the magnet comes to the ground, the more the Russian feels the force of the magnetic field beneath him trying to pull him down. It is indeed very strong. Heavy is using this power to try something out. With full body use, Heavy pulls on his minigun as much as possible. He hears the BLU team laugh. Presumably, they think he's trying to get his weapon of off the magnet, but in fact his ultimate goal is to release the entire magnet from its mount.
His heart is like a steam-hammer in his chest. Not even during Medic's Übercharge, it beats so fast. The fear is great that the high-performance muscle could break out of his body and the adrenaline is its fuel. This feeling is so weird that it turns in Heavy's head. The whole situation feels absolutely surreal.
But that does not stop him from clinging to his plan and pulling and fighting.
“You will not get free that weapon this way, commie!”
“From up there he looks even fatter! Am I right, fat ass?” laughs BLU Scout and pushes his elbow playfully against the ribs of their Heavy. He only makes a hum.
“What is he just up to?” BLU Medic talks to himself while watching RED Heavy closely. Spy heard that.
“Do you really think ’e ‘as a plan, Docteur?”
“Perhaps... I don't know. Maybe he's just desperate. What surprises me is that his Übercharge persists so long, and that it seemed to be triggered by itself... Which fraudulent method did you use again, you impostor?”
BLU Medic turns to RED Medic, who can barely lift his head, but gives his opponent a superior smile.
“Believe it or not, but I really have no idea.”
“You’re lying!”
“Really? Can I then assume that you will again try to kidnap me and lure out of me the secret, as you have already tried for the normal Übercharge? Don't worry. If we have a secret, then we share it with you. After all, we don't want to stand there like cowards and cheaters.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“Well, no one else has said anything funny yet.”
“Why you-! I cannot wait to see you squashed.”
“Ach? Are you sure that you will endure this sight? I mean because of your phobia against blood and offal.”
“I have overcome this fear long ago!”
“Don’t let yourself be provoked, Medic” conciliates BLU Spy. “’e and all the others will die a very painful death in a few moments. Enjoy this moment.”
Now a smile appears on his face. “You're right. Nothing and nobody can save you now. Also no spontaneously triggered Übercharge.”
RED Heavy doesn't overhear the things among themselves. He is determined to release this magnet from its mount before it reaches the ground.
After another powerful pull, the magnet suddenly jerks. Heavy almost dropped himself.
“What the hell was that?” shouts one of the BLUs from below.
Heavy grins. “I have plan for you!” One last pull and the magnet breaks away from the ceiling. With high speed, Heavy crashes into the depths with a ton of weight overhead. The adrenaline gives another full steam and inflates his veins like balloons, so they protrude strongly under his skin.
He lands surprisingly soft on the ground. The magnetic field hits with all its hardness and tries to press the Russian like his teammates on the ground. But this unbridled strength in him seems to have become even stronger and he can resist the ground magnet, regardless of the magnet on his shoulder.
The BLU team flinch.
“What the hell…?!”
“Blow him away! Pyro, use the airblast! Just do something, maggots!” shouts BLU Soldier.
Thanks to the strong attraction of the ceiling Magnet, Heavy can use his Sasha as a handle, whirling the magnet around once. The opposing team has no chance. They are pushed by the magnetic body over the checkpoint and fall screaming into the abyss.
Since BLU Sniper is further away, he stays spared and directs his sniper rifle at Heavy, faded out in panic, that he is actually invulnerable. Heavy uses the magnet as a shield, the sound of a ricochet echoes through the room and immediately afterwards BLU Sniper breaks down silently. His own bullet had struck a hole between his eyes.
“BLU team has been wiped out!”
As in a trance, Heavy stands there, motionless, still holding the magnet above his head. Did they actually win? No, not quite. First, the control point must be conquered.
He looks down at his team. These too seem frozen. It is completely silent, except for a faint whimpering. It's Scout, who's right under Heavy's feet.
That's why his landing was so soft.
Carefully he descends from him and then the boy starts screaming loudly. It was probably Heavy's weight that prevented him screaming.
“You adipose gorilla! Why did you have to land on me? Oh God! I think my spine is broken! MEDIC!”
“Heavy, you have to deactivate the ground magnet!”
“Da, Doktor!”
With his last, remaining superpower, which now begins to fade, he puts the magnet down, leans it against a nearby wall. The blood red that had covered his body begins to flicker. A sign that it's getting weaker. And then it's gone.
He loses no time and goes over to the checkpoint. Heavy could easily capture it now. After the last two (for him) catastrophic battles that would be an absolute satisfaction. He, Heavy Weapons Guy, conquers the last checkpoint. All alone.
Instead, he picks up the remote control that is in front of the control point and presses the two buttons with the ceiling and floor symbols. Immediately his Minigun disengages from the ceiling magnet and his teammates, except for Scout, straighten up moaning. They are rather wobbly on the legs, but get the coordination of their body quickly back under control.
“That was fantastic, Heavy!” Demoman pats the Russian proudly on the shoulder.”
“You deserve my respect, soldier” Soldier salutes Heavy.
“What happened? How could you become invulnerable without Medics help?”
“I think Heavy had Doctor's help.” The Russian looks at Medic, who looks a bit lost in thought.
“But not... because of the serum? It should actually have a different effect. I must have interchanged the formulas. Very fascinating the whole thing...”
“Heavy had a big beating of heart all the time.”
“And now?”
“It is normal again.”
“In fact very fascinating. No wonder it had not shown any effect so far. It could only do that after your body was flushed with adrenaline. But it didn't make you faster, but stronger. And on top of that it has caused an Übercharge. And the longer adrenaline rushes through the body, the longer the effect lasts.”
“Doktor is genius.”
“I like to accept the compliment, but my genius does not help if my faithful patients don't help. Heavy, you did a great job. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that you alone should conquer the last checkpoint.”
The team agrees.
“EXCUSE ME? The fat ass has smashed my spine!”
“Stop whining, Scout! You could lying just as well crushed on the floor. Be grateful that it didn't come to that.”
“Fuck you, Spy! I would much rather be dead. These pains kill me! Medic, help me!”
Medic groans annoyed. “Scout, have you forgotten that the BLU team destroyed our weapons? Including my Medigun. Now you have to be patient for a while until we're done here. This is a big moment for Heavy. There's got to be time for that.”
“Aww geez…”
“Go on, Heavy.”
With a smile on his face, Heavy's comrades look at him expectantly. That's his moment.
He takes a deep breath in and out before standing on the checkpoint.
While they wait for the blue to turn red, they stand in silence and look at each other.
Soldier coughs. A moment later, Sniper must cough, too. Demoman clears his throat and Pyro shuffles his feet.
(awkward moment)
“………”
And then finally…
PING! The blue turns red.
They won.
“Victory!”
Heavy closes his eyes as his team cheers him on. So it must feel for Scout when he conquers the checkpoints.
As if the scout had read his mind, he hears him say:
“Come off. This feeling is not that cool.”
“I think you just don’t appreciate that feeling, Scout. Or you begrudge Heavy his moment.”
“Nice, how all of you solid against me. But I'm the one who lies badly injured on the ground.”
“Heavy could straighten little man's spine.”
“Don't you dare to touch me! I would rather die!”
“Well, we can throw you down to the others.”
“Oh god, no!”
“So what do you want?”
“I want Medic to heal me!”
“But that will not work until we get back to our base. As long as you have to hang on, if the respawn system shall not to restore you.”
“Yes! Yes, for my sake! Then someone takes me up and then let us go back!”
“Heavy, would you mind?”
“No, Doktor.”
Heavy approaches Scout.
“Be careful!”
The Russian lifts him up and throws him over his shoulder. There is a loud crack, followed by Scout's cry of pain.
“I said, be careful! You fat cattle! May I remind you that you did this to me?”
Heavy is silent for a moment. He hates it when Scout talks to him like that and thinks for a moment to throw him down the pit. But he reflects. It's such a great moment, he does not want to be ruined it. Instead, he says:
“I am sorry.”
“W-what!?”
“Heavy said he's sorry. I did not want to hurt you. It was an accident. I am sorry.”
Now Scout is the one who is silent for a moment. You can tell that the whole thing is a little uncomfortable for him.
“Yeah, whatever. Just forget it…”
“Let's go and say goodbye to this map.”
In the BLU Respawn
“Which humiliation…”
“We are absolute losers.”
“Stop it!” Medic barked. “The plan was good. But RED has again applied a nasty trick. That's all. They must have spied us.”
“I hardly believe that. These guys are so overbearing that it hardly comes to their minds. They think they can always win.”
“But that's the point! They don't always win. There were also battles that we could settle for ourselves. So we are not absolute losers. Pull yourself together! Now a new map is available. Let's just do our best! After all, we are mercenaries. Let's prove Mann Co. that we're worth our money!”
“Demoman is right! Cheer up, men. It's only over when age limits our mobility and Alzheimer's robs us of memories!”
“Seriously?” Scout moans. “So I have to fight alone? I mean, you're all a hundred years older than me. Alzheimer's will not be long in comin.”
Before one of the other Mercs can respond, the light in the entire BLU base suddenly goes out and the mercenaries are shrouded in deep darkness.
“Mountain Lab is now abrogated! BLU team, go to the base on the new map. And don't fail this time!”
Summary: Scout gets bored and decides to tease his team a bit
Once upon a time, there was a young mercenary named Scout. A lively and movement-happy boy, but who could quickly become bored and then the most unabashed ideas came to his mind.
One fine day in 2Fort, Scout walks up and down in the intelligence room, deep in the base of his team. He has the thankless task of taking care of the secret material. Usually the job of Engineer and Pyro, but Soldier had suddenly again one of his phases and commanded Scout to do this job. Taking care of the intelligence is an important task and the boy should finally learn to take responsibility.
“Blah blah blah…”etches Scout and sits down on the chair behind the table, placing his feet crossed on the table top; bored, looking at the red suitcase.
“Pfah! My job is to steal the opposing intelligence! Instead, I'm sitting around here. It's like getting the job of a catcher in baseball instead of the batsman's. My job is to steal the enemy base! What's so hard to understand?” Scout crosses his arms in insult. “Great, they're all out there in the fresh air, they're having fun and I have to face the underground haze.”
“Hudda!”
Pyro emerges behind one of the corners and beckons to him; give him a sign that everything is alright.
Well, Scout is not all alone down here. Pyro guards the two entrances leading down to the Intelligence Room and tells him every few minutes that there are no suspicious activities.
“Yeah, yeah…” Scout makes a gesture of refusal. Nothing will happen here anyway. Pure boredom.
Unless he spices it up a bit. And he already knows how...
He jumps up from the chair, runs over to the intercom, holds the button and screams:
“Help! Spy! BLU Spy in the base!”
The boy's voice echoes by the speakers scattered throughout the base, terrifying the rest of the mercenaries. Engineer, Demoman, Spy, and Sniper drop everything and run down to the Intelligence room, while Heavy, Medic, and Soldier continue to hold the line to stop any enemies who seek to nourish their base.
They rush down from both sides into the Intelligence room to come to Scout's help, and to catch the enemy's spy, who will flee, alarmed because of Scout's shout. But nobody encounters them.
Down there, they first meet Pyro, who guards the passage. However, it doesn’t seem likely that an enemy is nearby. He seems rather irritated to see them down here.
The Mercs hurry into the intelligence room. The secret material is still in place, but Scout lies motionless on the ground.
“Oh no, Scout!”
The boy lies on his back, his tongue hanging out. Spy let drops himself to the floor next to Scout and raises his head.
“Jeremy… Pyro!”
“Hmpf?”
“Quick! Spy Check!”
“Hudda!”
Pyro activates the flamethrower and runs once in a circle in the room.
“Hey, watch out! Do that without lighting us, okay?” Demo shouts angry. Pyro extends his search to the corridor.
“Engineer, go get Medic!”
“Pardner, I'm so sorry to say that, but ya know best of all of us that a stab in the back is deadly.”
Mundy, Tavish and Dell standing around Spy, who holds Scout in his arms.
“What should I say to ’is mother?”
“Hey, don’t blame yourself, Spook…”
“I’m such a miserable father…”
“You are my father!?!”
Miraculously, Scout comes to life again.
“What the…? Why are you not dead?”
With a big grin Scout answers:
“I hoaxed you.”
“………”
Spy drops Scout's head to the ground.
“Ow!”
Disappointed and angry, feelings that Spy still subtly conceals, moves away from him.
“Pah! I would ’ave thought something was wrong. The victim always falls forward when stabbed from behind. Why are you doing this?”
“I was bored. What of it?”
“Just wait until we tell Soldier, son!”
Scout is left alone.
“You are real geeks, you know that?” Scout calls after them.
A few days later, when it was time to defend the intelligence one more time, Scout was again condemned by Soldier to take care of it. After the philippic by Soldier a few days ago, he had to sit here again and pay attention to the intelligence all the more.
“I cannot believe they really finked on me... Those wretched rats.”
Pyro pokes his head around the corner to signal Scout that everything is okay.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” dismisses Jeremy and continues to staring bored against the wall in front of him.
At some point his gaze wanders to the red suitcase next to him.
The secret material. Scout has no idea what's in it. A secret, definitely. On the case is stands also “Top Secret”.
But what secret? One about their team? That must be so, after all, there is also a suitcase in the opposing BLU base.
Whether the BLU scout also has the thankless task to take care of their suitcases…?
After a moment's hesitation, Jeremy pulls the suitcase onto his lap and inspects the metallic snap-on buckles. Two red and one green button. In the middle and on the surface a combination lock. Double secured.
“Hmmm… One…one…one…”
Wrong combination. The suitcase remains tight.
Scout sighs. He would like to peek inside. Why not? He is part of this team and it's his right to understand the secrets of his team. But it is 1: 100000000, that he enters, with two combination locks, the right combination. So what are you doing there? You try it by force! It's absurdity that the administrator has secrets from them, so she should not complain afterwards.
Scout takes the butterfly knife out of his pocket, which he borrowed from Spy (without his knowledge, of course). It lay in a casket lined with velvet. That means it has to be something special. The narrow blade is serrated and black roses are shining on the surface.
Cheesy, but it will do its job.
He pops the buckles and pushes the blade into the narrow slot to break open the case, but the damned thing withstands the pressure.
If Scout is honest, he's a little scared that the blade could break off. Not because of Spy. For years, everything he says goes in one ear and out the other. But he could tell that to his Ma. And although he is already of age, his mother still likes to punish him today. He hates it. But at the same time he knows that she only does that because she loves him. After all, he is the family's nestling and, in her eyes, her little boy. Therefore, the penalties are always particularly hard.
But it's worth to him if he can solve this mystery!
But as hard as he tries, the case remains closed. There were cars in Boston that were easier to crack…
Jeremy is about to give up. His arm is already starting to hurt. After a last attempt Scout suddenly slips off with the blade and injures his other hand.
“Ow! Damnit…”
Scout looks at the mishap. A red line lies across the back of his hand, from which blood easily emerges. And then he has an idea. The last time he played this trick on his team was pretty cool. He wants to screws them with the same trick. And this time he will make it more realistic.
"Help! Spy! BLU Spy in the base!” it echoes from the speakers.
Without hesitation, Engineer, Demoman, Spy and Sniper drop everything and rush down to the Intelligence Room. Meanwhile, Medic, Heavy and Soldier stay behind to secure the defense.
They discover Scout lying on the ground. There is blood at the corner of his mouth.
“Oh no, Scout!” Spy drops himself to the floor beside him and raises his head. “Pyro!”
“Hmpf?”
“Spy Check!”
“Hudda!”
Pyro activates the flamethrower.
“Without lighting us, lad! How many times should I tell ya this?”
Spy mournfully holds Scout in his arms.
“Oh Jeremy. I’m so sorry…”
“Spook…”
“Don't blame yourself, pardner. You can't always protect him.”
“The boy was old enough to take care of himself.”
“He cannot take it up with a spy! They are sneaky and cunning. They sneak up and stab you from behind.”
“Pff…ffff…ahahahaha!!”
“What the…?”
Scout wriggles with laughter in Spy's arms. And then they realize that they have once again been stupidly pranked by him.
“Hahaha! Stabbed behind! Hahahaha!”
Spy lets Scout fall to the ground in disgust.
“Ow!”
The Frenchman moves away from him.
“You damned brat! What's the point of that?”
Scout bobs up and wipes the blood from his mouth.
“What do you think? I have pranked you.”
“Where does the blood come from? Did you ’urt yourself just to play a trick on us?”
“No, that was an accident…”
“And ’ow did that ’appen?”
“Never mind…”
“I've ’ad enough! Just wait until I tell Soldier about that!”
“Aw, c’mon! Geez…”
“What's that nonsense, lad? Ya call for help, although that is completely unnecessary and keep us from doing our job!”
“I just wanted to loosen you old, stiff bones a bit.”
“How about we beat the living daylights out of ya? A beating is long overdue!” Demoman is already rolling up his sleeves.
“Just leave it be, Tavish. Let's go back.”
Spy is going. Demoman and Sniper follow him outside.
Engie shakes his head. “That just ain't right, boy.” Then he goes too and Scout stays alone.
“Pff!”
Some time later, Scout is standing at the panoramic window in the Intel room, looking at the room behind it. 2 hours have passed since his prank. And while Jeremy dwells his bored thoughts, he suddenly notices that Pyro has not been giving him any signs for a long time that there is no Spy around. Is he go to the bathroom? If this guy ever feels this kind of need. After all, they never see him eating or drinking, let alone going to the bathroom.
“………”
Scout gets a bad feeling, that's why he's looking for him now.
“Pyro?” He enters the corridor, which Pyro always watches over. “Py- Oh shit.”
He lies motionless on the ground, on his stomach. Scout kneels down to him.
“Pyro? Pyro!” He shakes him, but he just does not move. Only then does Jeremy see the little hole in Pyro's suit.
He was killed with a knife…
Paniced, Scout jumps up and turns to all sides. He's all alone down here with a spy. He is now the main character, as in one of these psycho-thrillers. And he is in the middle of a wide field!
He urgently needs to inform his team! And it's best not to be stabbed from behind. So, Jeremy presses his back against the wall and cautiously moves along it back to the Intel room.
The intercom is located opposite the wall on which he is pressed.
Scout takes a deep breath - and sprints forward.
Done! Now he has to press the button and call for help. But without to make his back to a target. For that he has to sprain himself a bit.
“Help! Spy! BLU Spy in the base!” it echoes from the speakers.
Engineer irritated twists his eyes behind his goggles. Does the boy really dare to bring the same trick twice in one day?
“Help! Help me! Pyro is already dead!”
Can that really be true?
Angrily, Engie gets up from his lounger and stomps over to the intercom.
“Shut up, boy!”
“Engie please! I admit I lied out of boredom the last two times, but this time I'm telling the truth!”
“Nope.”
“Don’t think we fall for it a third time, Scout!”
Suddenly Spy stands next to Dell and yells into the intercom.
“Just stop and do your job!” And the conversation ends for Spy.
Jeremy stares in disbelief at the intercom.
“Fuck you, Spy…”
“Hinhonhon!”
“!!!” Scout discovers BLU Spy on the other side of the room.
“And the moral of the story - A liar will not be believed even when ’e speaks the truth. If you ’ad not been so naughty, your team would immediately set out to ’elp you. But you ’ave repeatedly misused their trust and I will take advantage of this circumstance of things.”
“I will protect this Intel with the questionable content with my life!” Jeremy positions himself protectively in front of the table with the suitcase.
“Of course you will. I ’ave no doubt about that.”
“Then fuck off from here!”
“Now, now... Not such verbalisms, if you please. Don't you enjoy my company?”
“You killed Pyro, but I will not be your next victim!”
“I make it short and painless. Promised.”
“Fuck you.”
“I see. Well, I guess the whole thing would be less appealing if there was not a little resistance.”
With these words, Spy goes poof in front of Scout. The boy is panicking. He grabs the suitcase and looks around in all directions. The most dangerous enemy is the one you cannot see.
He has to break his reserve...
“You miserable coward. You can always hide. Are you so scared to face me in a fight? Coward dog.”
A slight breeze behind him paralyzes Scout. When the blade penetrates him, it's freezing cold, but inside it burns hot as fire.
“The real strength is not to ’ead ’eadlong into a fight. Mark my words!”
“What's up, Spy? Ya walk up and down here all the time. What is wrong? Is it because of Scout?”
“Yes… It keeps preying on my mind what ’e said.”
“Don’t ya think that was one of his jokes again?”
“And what if not, Engineer? If ’e's really in trouble this time?”
“………”
“I will look for ’im.”
“I come with you.”
The Frenchman and the Texan are on their way down. Pyro is nowhere to be seen.
“Didn’t Scout said that Pyro was killed?”
“If that is true, it's quite possible that 'e is already respawned. And I think it's the truth. Although Pyro does not look that way, 'e takes his job very seriously. Without Soldier's permission, 'e would never 'ave left 'is position.”
“Ya sure? I mean, we're talking about Pyro...”
“Why are you so suspicious Engineer? If anyone knows ’ow clever spies are, then you.”
“Ya mean, apart from you?”
“Yes, apart from me.”
The two hurry on to the Intel room. And there Scout is lying on the ground. Motionless. And this time, Spy knows exactly that he's dead. This time he was really visited by the BLU Spy. Another indication is the absence of the secret material.
“Darn…”
Spy turns to Scout and looks down at him, emotionless.
“Silly boy…”
His body begins to dissolve. He will respawn every moment.
“You've failed. The enemy has secured our intelligence. Now die!”
Soldier, Medic and Heavy, who had previously fought bravely at the front, suffer a shock as the Administrator's voice echoes through 2Fort. They need a moment to understand the meaning of her words.
They had the perfect defense! Spy, Engineer, Demoman and Sniper near Respawn, Pyro in the Passage and Scout...
“Scout…” Soldier growls angrily before he, Heavy and Medic get torn into pieces by a crit rocket.
The way is now clear for the opposing team to storm the RED base.
Freshly respawned, Scout steps out of the small room through the glass sliding door.
He feels ashamed and humiliated.
“Damn Spy. I'll get you for that!”
Suddenly the gate opens in front of him and some of the BLU team stand in front of him. At the top the Soldier. His rocket launcher shines brightly and crackles loudly, as if it hyped up.
Crit. So they lost.
On BLU Soldier's face spread a winning smile.
“Oh c’mon! I’m just respa-“
BOOM!
And the moral of the story - for the maximum fun the crit rocket directly into the face.
And crits are fair and balanced.
It is the 4th of July. The Independence Day of America. And as a die-hard American patriot, it's important to Soldier that everyone on the team who is not American does not feel deferred on that day, so he'll include them on this holiday. Like every year. But this time, Medic, Heavy and the others fight back. Soldier does not understand why. He only meant well after all.
Be an American!
It's just once a year after all, maggots!
Medic saunters comfortably through the old town of his beautiful Rottenburg. The sun is shining and the people are greeting him kindly on his way.
His snow-white doves roam the bright blue sky with their elegant flying skills and look completely carefree. An indeed life-affirming sight.
Just a wonderful day today. Just like yesterday and the day before yesterday and all the days before that.
Medic draws the clean air deep into his lungs and exhales very slowly. Could something make this day even better?
“Good day, sir.”
Suddenly, Medic is approached by a strange man with a distinctive accent.
“I wish you a good day too” he answers.
“How about a new haircut, sir?”
“Hmm?”
“Forgive me. I'll introduce myself. My name is Doe and I am the new hairdresser of this small, tranquil town.”
Just now does Ludwig notice the shield behind the man who calls himself Doe. A small beechwood sign hangs above the entrance to a small, unassuming barbershop with gilded hinges. The salon for the Germans of yesterday - is written on it with white brush paint.
A very strange name…
“Oh, a barber. I'm really pleased. But I don't need a haircut. I'm completely satisfied with my hair.”
“The visit of the first customer is for free. I don't just cut hair, I dye it too.”
“Well, in fact, I have the feeling that the black of my hair has faded slightly. Do you have ebony black?”
“Of course, sir. I keep every kind of black.”
“Agreed! Then I'm your first customer.”
“Please come in.”
The day CAN be even better!
Even from inside the shop is small and inconspicuous, but it radiates a certain coziness.
“Please take a seat here.”
Doe positions himself behind a barber chair with a wide back and a black leather cover. It's one of those fashionable, height-adjustable chairs with foot-supported and thick, comfortable armrests.
Truly the jewel of the hairdressing salon. On the wall in front of it is a large mirror with gold decorations on the corners.
Ludwig gladly takes a seat. The feeling of sitting in it is wonderful!
“Please lean in and place your arms on the armrests to enjoy the full range of comfort.”
Medic doesn't need to be told twice and is only too happy to follow the barber's friendly request. Back, head and arms are on cloud nine. Ludwig has to pull himself together not to fall asleep.
“Do we have it comfortable?”
“Extremely comfortable.”
“Very good.”
The voice of the friendly barber suddenly changes. It sounds sarcastic and slightly vicious. An uncomfortable feeling spreads in Medic.
Just as he is about to sit up, suddenly straps appear from the armrest and backrest and tie Medic to the chair.
“Got you! Muhahaha!!”
Horrified, the captured German stares into the big mirror in front of him. The man behind him now wears a (too big) soldier's helmet and his clothes have also changed. An American soldier!
“What’s happening?!?”
“I'll tell you what happens here, Kraut. Look outside.”
The peaceful idyll of the pretty old town is destroyed as large, heavy American tanks drive through the streets.
“From today, Germany is the property of America and all Germans will be turned into real Americans. And I'll start with you. And the first step to becoming an American soldier is a new hairstyle.”
Doe suddenly holds an electric razor in his hand. On his face a big grin.
“B-but I’m a Doktor!”
“So? Then you'll become a military, American paramedic. And they have exactly the same hairstyle as a proud American soldier.”
“Are you a patriot or is it a mental disorder that you must always mention that everything is American?”
“Of course I am an American patriot! And you will be too. With your new, military haircut, Hippie.”
Another strap fixes Ludwig’s head on the headrest and the razor starts to hum.
With eyes wide open, Medic has to watch his black hair come loose from his head, along with his curl, which he had always nourished and cherished with so much effort.
And Doe’s crazy sing-song resonates throughout the store, throughout the whole city.
“U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”
“U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”
Soldier's morning roll call in the corridor rouses Medic out of his nightmare and he sits bolt upright in his bed. Not the first time, but the first time he is grateful to him.
His room door opens and Soldier sticks his head in.
“Good morning, cupcake. Get out of bed! We have a long day today.”
And he’s already gone again.
“A long day? We have our day off today...”
Soldier looks so pumped and cheerful. What could that be for a reason? Maybe there is none. Jane is sometimes like a small, moody kid, and the whole team has to bear his moods.
20 minutes later, Medic heads to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. He didn’t meet anyone from the team all morning. It almost seems as if everyone had flown out. Except, of course, Soldier, whose voice echoes from afar through the whole base.
“There you are, maggots! Did you really believe that you could hide from me? I find you always and everywhere!”
What is going on today? Something is different. There's something in the air.
Medic must think again of his dream. He knows he had that dream, or at least a similar dream, before. But when was that? And in what connection was this dream?
“I guess I'm getting old.”
When he arrives in the kitchen, Medic approaches the coffee maker. As expected, no coffee is ready. You would think that nine men in one spaces brings advantages but the opposite is the case.
Scout drinks his energy drinks, Engie and Demo prefer drinking alcohol, Pyro...no idea. Spy only consumes wine and tea (as Medic actually does, too but in the early morning it just has to be coffee) and Heavy (secretly) drinks vodka, albeit very little.
So the only ones who drink coffee are he, Medic, Sniper, and Soldier. However, Sniper has his own camp stove, which he keeps in his van, and Soldier keeps his own coffee in a separate thermos bottle, which he actually drinks only when he dominates an enemy. It takes a while for the coffee to be used up, which is why Soldier has to keep warming it up - but Medic suspects that he's drinking it cold too…
To cut a long story short, Medic always has to cook the coffee by himself. Every morning.
But it's done quickly and only a few minutes later, Medic enjoys the early morning caffeine boost.
With the steaming coffee cup in his hand, Ludwig makes his way back to the infirmary. Today he intends to start a new experiment on baboon livers. He's worried about Tavish's livers. He is always so proud of them because their tolerates tons of alcohol. But eventually this will be over. And then he will need Medic and his baboon livers. Medic wanted to do that for quite a while, but as a mercenary you has little free time.
On the way, he passes one of the provocative calendars that are spread throughout the base. Without a specific reason, he casts a glance at it - and the coffee runs into his windpipe, causing a violent cough attack.
Now he knows why Soldier behaves this way today. It's just like last year. How could he forget that? That's why the Mercs have their day off today.
Today is the 4th of July…
Soldier's favorite day…
“Oh no…”
“There you are, maggot!”
Startled, Medic swirls around. Soldier stands in front of him.
“You probably wanted to make yourself scarce, too, eh? But not today!”
“I wanted… I just wanted…”
“Quit it! So, sister. You may now choose whether you want to be Governor Morris or George Washington.” The die-hard patriot holds up two costumes.
Last year, July 4th was already exhausting, but that's new. It seems to get worse every year.
“... … …”
“„♫O! say can you see♫by the dawn’s early light, What so proudly we hailed♫at the twilight’s last gleaming. Whose broad stripes and bright stars♫through the perilous fight, O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?♫”
Soldier had forced his team into the common room, which is decorated with blue-and-white-red garlands and American flags on the walls. And even the Mercs are decorated in American style. In the form of costumes from American founding fathers and presidents. However, only the non-Americans.
Pyro sits in a cage on the wall, also in a costume. It's brown, has wings and a tail. When Heavy asked what he's portrays, Soldier replied with pride that he's America's national symbol. A griffin - half eagle, half lion. The strongest and proudest animals in the world.
“And what about the bear?” Medic had asked. And Soldier had answered, “A bear? You mean a teddy bear like the Berlin bear?”
Scout and Engie are standing to the left and right of Soldier, who had positioned himself in front of the table where the disguised Mercs are sitting, and sings the American national anthem with his right hand on his chest. The notes are unbearable crooked, but no one dares to interrupt him. On days like this he's unpredictable.
Scout and Engie sing too. Engie rather reserved, but Scout with a little more vigor.
For the suffering Mercs it feels like an eternity, until the song is finally sung to the end.
“Finally. Now I can take off this stupid costume, yes? The beard starts to itch.”
Spy wants to doff the annoying thing but Soldier slams both hands on the table.
“Abraham Lincoln is a proud beard bearer, Maggot! It will stays!”
“Don't pretend you knew him personally” Spy says, cross his arms.
“I know him personally! He is sitting in front of me after all!”
“Pah!”
“I have a question... Who am I?”
“Your name is Francis Scott Key, you Scottish ignorant!”
“Okay… And what did he do?”
“Do I really have to explain everything to you?”
“Please excuse me for not knowing much about American history! I'm surprised you know so much about it.”
“I am American! Of course I know about the history of my country!”
“Oh yeah? If so, then you should also know that this land originally belonged to the Indians! And not you or any other American. So stop pretending that everything is yours!”
“Oh Demo…”
A dangerous growl escapes Soldier's throat. Dell and Jeremy take a step back.
“Of course, this land belongs to me! Just as your asses! Everything is listening to my command!”
Now, Tavish shoots up from his chair and glares at Jane across the table. “May I remind you, lad, that you have the role of the soldier here? And what do soldiers do? They take orders, and give none!”
Suddenly Soldier holds his disciplinary whip in his hand. It pops loud as he slams it in the palm of his hand. It doesn't need words anymore. Demoman sits down on his chair without further ado and remains silent. He has gone too far, he knows. Often Soldier is like an idiot and you have to scold him once he has messed up again. But on days like these, it's best not to mess with Jane.
“Want another one of you Europeans mess with me?”
“Um... I'm not a European.”
“But you're still not an American, Aussie!”
“Yes, but we also speak English! In addition to... 250 other languages, since the Europeans have settled down at our place. Or maybe more...”
“AHA! So you are a half European too!”
George Washington remains silent subsequently.
“I'll be right back. Then I test your knowledge of this proud land. After all, you have lived here for several years.” And with these words Soldier leaves the room. Dell is a bit ashamed and doesn’t dare to look the other in the eye. Jeremy, however, enjoys the situation. Spy feels provoked.
“What are you grinning so stupidly? Actually, you're not that patriotic, Scout.”
“That's true, but I like how the hard helmet goofs off you.”
“Engie, can you not talk to him?”
“I would, but in these phases Soldier is very inaccessible. He wouldn't listen to me. Just do what he says. The day is over quickly.”
“Such days never end…”
“Here I am, maggots!” Soldier enters the room; with a thick book under his arm. The table trembles as Soldier drops the book on it with a loud bang.
“What's this? A quiz book?”
“Quiet! I'll ask you questions one after another. And woe to him who doesn’t know the answer!”
“What about Scout?”
The runner flinches.
“’ow about if you ask the boy a few questions first?”
Scout's expression on his face shows that he certainly does not know much about American history. But Spy should have known what Soldier would answered.
“I don’t need that! He is an American!”
Scout exhales (silently) relieved. With his mouth he forms "Fuck you, Spy!" and holds up his middle finger.
Soldier notices nothing from all this. His whole attention is on the non-Americans. He opens the book and flips the pages.
Engie and Scout look over his shoulder with interest - and then look at each other in wonderment.
“My first question is addressed to the Honorable Benjamin Franklin.”
Some of the Mercs look at each other questioningly.
“Heavy, that's you” Medic whispers to the Russian.
“D-da?”
“Who started the Cold War and who will win it?”
“Umm…”
“What is that for a question? I thought you were asking questions about American history or the people we embody today with these costumes.”
“Did I already ask your question, Fritz?”
“………”
“So, Commie, who started the Cold War and who will win it?”
“I-I don’t know…”
“Should that surprise me?”
“Heavy can not look in the future! And I do not know who started. Heavy does not understand politics a lot.”
“Failed! But lest you die stupid, I'll tell you the answer. The Soviet Union has started the war and America will end it by winning!”
“You cannot look into the future too, Soldier. Or did Merasmus help you?”
“I don't need Merasmus to know that America will win! I know that! The next question concerns Francis Scott Key.”
Tavish's eye rolls annoyed in its cave.
“It's about today's day of honor America. How can it be that America was able to free itself from England, but Scotland is failed to do so?”
“…what?”
“Correct! Because America is great and strong! Quite different than you. Or do you skirt carriers like to boss around by this billycocks and tea drinkers?”
“How dare you? We are not England's slaves! We are united!”
“And then came Ireland and has also united with England named United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. Or where in this name is Scotland?”
Demoman clenches his hands into fists. For a moment, he thinks about to attacks Soldier, but reconsiders and instead folds his arms offended.
Medic, Sniper and Spy look at each other. The three know what's going to happen to them. And they know that Soldier is going a step too far this year. They knew from the beginning that he's a hardcore patriot. And, in fact, they've gotten used to the fact that he makes fun of them or insults them sometimes. But this is just humiliating.
“Now to you, Frenchie.”
“Oh please.”
“Tell me, how was it possible that France couldn't conquer America but Canada?”
“…because America is great?”
“Positive! And because the Canadians are a bunch of weaklings! You're not that stupid, Spy.”
“I just said what you wanted to ‘ear. The reality looks a little different. North America was taken possession of France and was partly a colonized territory called la Nouvelle-France.”
“Wat?”
“New France. For 229 years. You can imagine ‘ow many Americans ‘ave French ancestors. Maybe you too?”
“I come from the heart of America!”
“That doesn’t matter at all.”
“Pah! I would rather have German ancestors and even that I don't hope so. Even if that were the case there is hardly an American who speaks French. Unlike the Canadians! And I am neither French nor Canadian! And no German!”
“Yes… And their French sounds ‘orrible.”
Soldier lets his growling laugh sound as he turns his head to Medic.
“C’mere, sister.”
Ludwig rolls his eyes annoyed. If Soldier wants to boast about how great America is and his gaze stays on him, then it can only be about one topic…
“Who kicked Germany in the ass during World War II?”
“………”
“Answer!”
Medic takes a deep breath. Press on regardless!
“I know you want to believe that America defeated Germany. But actually it was the Russians who gave the Germans the coup de grâce.”
Heavy lowers his head ashamed.
“That's a lie!! America has defeated Germany!”
“It was Russia. Ende.”
Medic folds his arms. That's the last straw! He doesn't want to be constantly treated like a second-class person just because he's not an American.
Soldier slams both hands on the table until it trembles.
“I forbid these impudence!” And with these words he rushes out of the room again.
“Was that really Russia?” Mundy asks.
“Well” replies Medic, “I don’t know that either. I haven't dealt with it so far. But I know that even France claims to have defeated Germany.”
“Pah!” Spy lights a cigarette. “Can we finally talk about something else?”
“Today is the 4th of July. We knew that would happen. Was not different last year.”
“Last year was not that bad. Soldier only forbade us to say a single word in our mother tongue. And now we have to wear those stupid costumes and answer stupid questions to prove to Soldier that he's above us. I'm fed up!”
“Aye! Me too! What is he actually thinking?”
“Probably nothing…”
“Hey, Pardners. Take a look at Soldier's book.” Engineer pushes the thick book across the table over to the others.
What they see surprises them.
“What the…!?”
The Mercs have assumed that the book is about America. Well, actually it is about America but the pictures and texts are homemade. An originally empty book, which Soldier had filled out with his scrawl and underexposed sense of artistic representation.
The texts are about how great America is and how lame other countries are. The pictures show on each page a big American flag and under it various other country flags. German - French - English - Russian... The colors of the German and the French, as well as the Russian flag are reversed.
“I might ‘ave guessed” Spy moans. “These stupid questions ‘e asked, he cannot possibly ‘ave from a real textbook.”
“Well, it's a legitimate textbook for him.”
“This guy really lives in his own world.”
“Yeah, in the American world.”
Actually, Tavish's saying was not meant funny, nevertheless it makes the mercenaries laugh. Even Spy has to smile.
“What’s going on here, fagots?”
Soldier is back in the room; the whip at the ready.
“What are you doing with my book?!” The patriot rushes over to the Mercs, slamming the book shut with such a force that blows Spy's cigarette out of his mouth and tucks it under his arm.
“That’s mine!”
“We just took a short look” Mundy defends himself and the others.
“Yeah, yeah yeah! It's always the same with you non-Americans! You always want our secrets! But as long as Jane is Doe, I will not let that happen! And you two?” Soldier turns to Engineer and Scout. “You just let it happen? Traitors! You just cannot trust the foreigners! And something else. As from today, only English is spoken!”
Now it's Heavy who slams his hands on the table. He gets up from his chair and looks menacingly down at Soldier.
“Don't talk to Heavy like that!”
“Easy, Heavy.” Medic puts a hand on his shoulder. “I'm sure Soldier will apologize. Right, Soldier?”
“Why should I do that?”
Now the foreign Mercs are moving together.
“Because the foreigners are in the majority.”
“………”
“And you can certainly not forbid us to speak in our mother tongue. Am I right?”
“Da!”
“Oi!”
“Aye!”
“Oui.”
“It just figures that the Nazi would take the lead.”
Engineer is clearly uncomfortable with how the situation develops. Sensitive, he tries to bring Soldier to reason. But he doesn't get further than his name because Spy leans back in his chair and takes the floor.
“My dear Soldier, we are not the problem, but you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Very simple. You put us in the costumes of, I 'ave to say, great Americans. It's even a 'onor for us to be dressed like the Founding Fathers and Presidents on a day like this one. And you know why? Because America is partly our home too. We feel just as comfortable 'ere as we are at our 'omeland. We 'ave accept it. Why can't you accept that foreigners 'ave a 'ome in America? Celebrating the 4th of July with just as much enthusiasm as Americans. You probably let us wear these costumes for several reasons. But first and foremost, to 'ide that we are not Americans. And even that doesn't work. You attack us anyway. Or do you 'ave no respect for Abraham Lincoln or George Washington?”
“O-of course, Sir!” Soldier salutes.
Scout leans over to Engineer and whispers, “This guy is insane.”
As if Soldier has heard that, he turns to them. “Why don’t you salute our Honorable Presidents and Founding Fathers?”
“You are insane!”
Jane hits Jeremy on the back of his head.
“Ow!”
“Chest out!” And there is another blow with the whip on the butt. With a renewed outcry Scout stands straight up and his arm moves almost automatically upwards to get into salute position. Engineer doesn’t want to undergo disciplinary sanctions and salutes.
Now the three Americans are standing in front of the rest of the Mercs, saluting and with the utmost respect in body language.
Except for Scout. He feels extremely provoked by Spy's gaze and spitefulness smile.
You'll suffer for this!
“Hey, Captain Harthelm.”
“Silence, Soldier!”
“I have important information from secret service.”
“From secret service?”
“Scout, what are you doing?”
“Our presidents and founding fathers are spies.”
“WAT?!”
“Yeah! I mean look at them!”
Soldier looks closer at Spy and the others (as far as the oversized helmet allows).
“Hhmmmm…”
Facepalm. It's time to bust the guys. And that's proper for a real American, isn't it?
Jeremy dash at Spy, grabs his Lincoln-beard and pulls it off his face.
Soldier gasps loudly and grabs his chest in horror.
“Traitors! Spies! In my base!”
“Retreat!”
Heavy, Demo, Medic, Spy and Sniper flee out of the room. Of course, they could defend themselves against Soldier, but if Soldier is in a rage, even Heavy is powerless. High treason is in his eyes the worst sin that can be committed. Jane Doe can't take a joke here…
While the Mercs flee down the hall, Soldier's voice resonates throughout the base.
“Come back here you treacherous, sneaky, deceitful, cowardly, spying hippies! No one messes with America! And I am Americaaaaaa!”
“Have you often wondered if Soldier has several personalities?”
“No, but I think ‘e is capable of doing everything.”
“Now he will sweep through this base like a tornado and make our life hell.”
“Don't worry. We just hide somewhere and wait until tomorrow. Then everything will be normal.”
“Yes, until the next 4th of July…”
“Then we have to do something, so that doesn’t happen anymore. We should teach him a lesson” Heavy suggests.
“And ‘ow should we do that?”
“Heavy don’t know yet.”
“Don't worry, lads. We will come up with something! Finally, we come from five different regions of the world.”
“And what does that have to do with it? Are you losing your mind like Soldier?”
“Just sayin’…”
Enraged, Soldier strides up and down in the common room.
“These miserable deceivers. Disguise themself as honorable Americans to deceive me! But no one is fooling me!”
“Nice goin’, son” Engineer whispers angrily to the boy.
“That was not my fault! Spy provoked me. And that's what comes of it!”
“You!” Dell and Jeremy startle. “You will help me to find these deceivers! Engie! You build your Sentrys at each entrance and exit of this base. The dispenser and the teleporter entrance come here. The common room is now our headquarter.”
“But this whole base is our headquarter…”
Soldier grabs Scout by the shoulders. “I don't know if you might not have noticed, boy, but our base has been infiltrated! The rats are in the cheese…”
“And…now?”
“You will track them down and report back to me.”
“Me?”
“Of course! You're a scout, aren't you?”
“Well…yeah.”
“Then move!”
Before you know it, Scout is already gone.
“And you? You're still standing here, too.”
“Jane, don't you think you're exaggerating?”
Soldier's lips twitch. “What was that, soldier?”
“I-I mean…”
Soldier approaches Engineer. “We are at war. There is no ifs and buts.”
“These are our friends. Our comrades.”
Soldier's lips twitch again. “I feel like you're sympathetic to America's enemies. Dell...” He takes Engineer by the shoulders. “I need you. You are my closest ally. Don’t abandon me and America. So start positioning your toys now.”
Dell shakes his head wearily, but he finally agrees to placate Soldier.
“Thanks, Engie.”
Soldier wants to leave the room. “What are you going to do, Soldier?”
“Prepare myself for the war. What else?” And then he's gone.
Engineer sighs in defeat and finally sets about building the dispenser.
“Hudda…” Pyro embraces the bars of his cage and looks slightly scared.
“Don't worry, buddy. You're safe in there until it's all over. Hah, I bet BLU doesn't have such a hassle with their Soldier.”
At the same time in the BLU Base:
“Get down! Get down, maggots! You call that push-ups? My grandmother can it better! Sissies! It's high time that an American gives beans your non-American asses! I will make you get a move on!”
“S-soldier! That’s too much…”
There is a painful whip on the butt.
“Did I allow you to speak, Baguette? Bread doesn't talk! And what about you, Kraut? Don't you have any strength anymore?”
“Fess!”
Another whiplash.
“Kraut and baguette. Kraut-Baguette! That's the name for you both now. When I say Kraut-Baguette, you two will spurt, got it? And you, commie? I know you're fat, but come on!”
Another whiplash echoes through the base. Engineer and Scout sitting in the background and drink their beer and energy drink and enjoy the sight. Pyro lies in the corner and takes a nap with his plush unicorn.
“Maggots!”
*smack*
"Well, I bet there is more harmonious than over here.”
Entrenched in the basement, European (and Australian) mercenaries squat and think about what to do.
“Great, I actually feel like an intruder. What is Soldier thinking?”
“I don't think ‘e thinks anything. I rather believe that ‘e is guided by ‘is instincts.” Spy massages his temples. “First the April 1 with Scout's unbearable jokes, and then the July 4th, when Mon cher Soldier's patriotic spirit gains the upper ‘and.”
“Don’t forget Halloween, Spook.”
“Oh yes… ‘alloween is fun.”
“Nah!”
Sniper hates Halloween. For a simple reason. On that day Soldier thinks, whatever reason, he is Merasmus. Says he looks like him.
“Where is a similarity between me and him?”
“Well, I recognize some similarities too.”
“What's your problem with me, Spy?”
“I don't ‘ave any problem with you. I just said that I can also recognize similarities. This big bulbous nose, this 'I am an Idiot' - gaze…”
Tavish and Misha cannot help smiling.
“Gaaahhh!”
“Could we concentrate on thinking about how to give Soldier a piece of his mind?” Medic sighs. “We must stick together now. This is especially important in moments like these. But I think I have an idea.”
“Really?” The rest of the team is on fire for Medic's words.
“Well, I think we have to tell him that our home countries have done a lot of good for America.”
“Hmm… Could maybe work, lad. We have to win his trust. And when we have that, he may leave us alone in the future on 4 July.”
“And on Halloween!”
“That's not interesting, Bushman.”
“Why you…!”
“Easy, Mundy. One thing at a time. First we'll take care of that, okay?”
“Medics words soothe the sniper. But he cannot resist to hiss at Spy.”
“But how do we get Soldier to listen?”
“That's a good question, Heavy. How do you make an American soldier capitulate?”
“By checkmate his team.”
“That's right. But we will not checkmate Scout and Engineer but get them on our side.”
“It's quite possible that Engineer will do that, but not Scout.”
“He's not a patriot, he just wants to give you a wipe, Spy. But we will certainly get him on our side.”
“And I ‘ave the feeling that this will ‘appen at my expense.”
“Maybe~”
The Mercs flinch. Scout sits above them on one of the pipes on the ceiling and grins silly down at them.
“How did you find us?!?”
“Aw c’mon. I am the best. Apart from that, it is not too difficult to detect a group of retirees.”
“Aye! Watch your mouth, boy!”
“How did you get in here?”
“Through the ventilation shaft.” Scout proudly points to the hole in the wall.
“I'm surprised you ‘ave taken this path. The ventilation shaft ‘asn’t been cleaned for years. Quite apart from the creepy-crawlies.”
“C-creepy-crawlies?”
“Yes… For example, that spider on your shoulder.”
“Waaahh!?!” Panicked Jeremy pats down his shoulder, then the other. He moves so hastily that he loses his balance and falls off the pipe. Lucky for him that Heavy was sitting right under him. The friendly Russian catches him in the middle of the air with one hand.
“Little man is afraid of little spider?”
On solid ground Scout pats down his clothes. “I- I'm not afraid of spiders” he replies defiantly.
“Calm down, Scout. There is no spider. Spy fooled you.”
“Yes, thanks. Nevertheless, it tingles me everywhere now!”
“Little man is afraid of a small, invisible spider” laughs Heavy.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…”
“What do you want, Scout? I bet Soldier sent you to look for us, am I right?” Medic folds his arms.
“Yeah, sure. But I didn’t look for you because he told me.”
“Why you’re here then, mate?”
“Well, I've heard that you want to get me and Engie on your side. What do I get if I join you?”
“That doesn’t answer the question of why you went looking for us.”
“He went looking for us because he's scared shitless in front of Jane. He just doesn't want to admit it.”
“Hmph! Hey! Better make me a good offer, otherwise I'll go to the hard helmet and peach against you!”
Heavy rises from his seat in the form of a wooden box. With his arms tightly folded, he stands directly behind Scout; towers over him like a sequoia and looks down at him sternly. The boy has to swallow.
“Do you really think that, where you are now in our midst, we just let you go that way? That we let ourselves be pressured by you?”
“Y-you owe me something if I join you. And remember that you need me if you want to get Dell on your side. Soldier has forced him to align his sentries to shoot at anyone who is neither Red nor a Scout, Engineer, or Soldier class.”
“Are you serious?”
“Pffft! For all I care. You can try your luck.”
The mercs look at each other.
“Okay, lad. What do you want?”
“Yeah, awesome! Weeellll… You all become my slaves. For, say... three months. You make my room, bring me food and drink and do all my household chores.”
“You’re feeling fine, boy?”
“Pah! I prefer to sit in the basement for the rest of the day. Tomorrow Soldier is back to normal anyway.”
“All right, all right! Then I'll make you another offer. I'm allowed to borrow Spy's cigarette case.”
“What?!”
“Hmm… I can live with that. What about you?”
Everyone agrees, only Spy has objections.
“Why should you want that? You cannot ‘andle it anyway!”
“Oh come on, Spook. Give the baby his bottle.”
“Come on, Spy. Pull yourself together.”
“If the spook is over, you can ‘ave it. But the using is only under my supervision, understood? And woe, you just want to behave mischievously!”
“Yeah, yeah. Calm down, gramps.”
“Hmpf!”
“Then go, boy.”
“Alright! I'm back in no time!”
And with that Scout leaves the cellar. Spy takes out his cigarette case.
“What you up to?”
“I will follow ‘im. I don't trust ‘im. ‘e's up to something.”
At the touch of a button, Spy disguises as Scout.
“Actually, we would have come up with this idea sooner.”
“But we should have put Scout away before. This brat would have ruined it.”
“Haha! I could to get used to hearing Scout talking about himself like that.”
“Why don't we choose a day in the year where we do somethin’ nice together. You know, as a team. Spy dresses up as all of us and makes a few jokes. As a kind of comedic show” suggests Tavish excited.
“I’m not a comedian and certainly not here to entertain you.”
“Don't pretend that you don't even want to have fun at our expense. You're pretty much like Scout.”
“Well, the apple never falls far from the tree.”
“That’s not true…”
“You died as you lived: running away!”
“Oh, Soldier, who will they ever find to replace you? Anyone! Ahahahaha!!”
“You look like death warmed over *chuckles*”
“I've merely finished what your liver started!”
“Aww, too bad this wasn't a pie-eating contest!”
“Yippee ki-yay, my dead, illiterate friend!”
“I'm looking at your x-ray, and I'm afraid you suck!”
“You live in a van! Ahahahahaha!”
“I'll see you in hell... you handsome rogue.”
“Hmpf!” Without another word, Spy leaves the basement.
“Oh dear, if that goes wrong.”
“And we?”
“We’ll wait here.”
The fake scout sneaks through the base. He had lost sight of the real one. This rascal just cannot walk normally, has always to run. But he has an idea. He will visit the common room. As pretty as Soldier had decorated the room, he surely have declared it to the Headquarter.
But the common room is empty (except for Griffin-Pyro). The teleporter and the dispenser are here, confirming Spy's guess.
Where could Engineer be? Maybe the teleporter will bring him directly to him?
But before Spy can use the equipment, Soldier suddenly appears. His rocket launcher on his shoulder - loaded and ready to fire his missiles at the allegedly traitors.
“What are you doing here, soldier? Did you find the enemy?”
“Uumm… No, not yet.”
“Hadn't I been clear enough that I don't want to see you here any more, until you did your job?” Soldier raises his voice. Actually, he always talks loudly. But now he's talking loudly because he's in a rage. Really unbearable. But Spy must not break character.
“I have not found them yet, but I think I know where they are right now.”
“Who?”
“In the abandoned part of the base.”
“And why didn't you search there, if you are so sure that they are there?”
“W-well because…because err…”
“Ah I see. You’re afraid. Soldiers are not afraid!”
“Dude, I don't know if you haven't already noticed, but it's really scary there.”
“And if Merasmus would live there with all his evil products! We both go there now and smoke the rats out!”
Jane grabs the fake scout by the ear and pulls him along.
“Aw crap!”
Before they can leave the common room, suddenly the real Scout appears. When he sees the two, he freezes. He needs a moment to realize that he's facing himself.
“Aw crap…”
“What the…?! Ahhh! A doppelganger traitor!” Soldier throws Spy over to Scout and points his deadly rocket launcher at them.
“What are you doing?”
“Hunt you down! I don't know who of you is the real one, so I'll play it safe.”
“You cannot do that!”
“Yeah, man! If you kill me, you're a comrade murderer! Because I'm the real scout!”
“No, I'm the real one! If you kill me, you will be dishonorably disbanded from the army!”
Jane hesitates. Both have good arguments. Then there is only one thing to do.
Without letting the two out of sight, Soldier walks over to Pyro's cage and unlocks it.
“Get in there!”
“What?”
“I'm not going in there! Not to this…thing.”
“In with you or I'll blow up both of you a rocket in the ass! Shit on the consequences!”
The two scouts exchange views with each other. Only very slowly and hesitantly they approach the cage. Pyro looks like he cannot wait to get new roommates. Like a small child, he claps excitedly in his hands.
“What are you doing here?” whispers Scout angrily.
“Preventing you from doing nonsense.”
“So you don’t trust me?”
“Indeed, I don't do that at all.”
“QUIET! Whispering will not be tolerated!”
At the cage door the two hesitate. Impatiently, Soldier moves them up with a kick and immediately closes the cage.
“What's that supposed to be?”
Doe grabs a chair and pulls it over. He sits down on it, places the rocket launcher next to him on the ground and uses it as arm supported.
“Now I will find out who of you is the real scout.”
Again, the two scouts exchange views with each other.
“And how do you want to do that?”
“By asking you questions that only the real scout can answer.”
“No problem!” the two answer synchronously. There's nothing Spy doesn't know about his teammates. Just disguising as them doesn't make him a professional spy. He must be them. He has to think like them, like and hate what they like and hate. In other words, physically as well as mentally, he must be the exact copy of the enemy.
Spy is ready! However, the constant embrace tries of Pyro is a bit disturbing…
“First question…”
The real Jeremy fidgets excitedly. Or maybe it's nervousness?
“What's Scout's favorite drink?”
“BONK!
“Bonk…”
“Bonk? What is that?”
“Err…?”
“………?”
“The answer is wrong, maggots! The correct answer is milk.”
“Milk? You've got to be kiddin’!”
Spy pokes Scout in the ribs.
“What's the big idea?”
“Stop being upset and play his sick game.”
“No whispering! Next question. What does Scout's mother look like?”
“Beautiful.”
“Hot.”
Scout gives Spy a bitter look.
“Oh really?” Soldier laughs perverted.
“Wait a moment! You miserable pervert!”
“………”
“Okay, the third and last question. How old is Scout?”
“I'm 23, knucklehead!”
“Pfft! I would be with pleasure. But in reality I'm only 16.”
“Positive!”
Scout is extremely outraged. “Which side are you on?”
“On my own. After all, I am a selfish brat.”
“Although I have already finished my interrogation that is correct, too. Come out, soldier.”
Jane opens the cage and lets Spy step out and immediately closes it behind him again. “I knew from the beginning that you were the real scout.”
“You kiddin’ me?”
“You can give up on your dilettante disguise now, Spy.”
“I AM THE REAL SCOUT!”
“If so, how is it possible that you have answered the questions about yourself incorrectly?”
“I have answered correctly! You just think I'm wrong because you have no idea about me! You don't know anything about me!”
“I hardly believe that, maggot! I know everything about my team! And you're a 16-year-old milk face. Or how do you explain that you are still so small at 23? When I was that age, I was already three heads taller than you.”
Frustrated, Jeremy screams. Spy looks back and forth between Soldier and Scout. He would not have thought that this would happen. And he likes it. A real satisfaction.
“Now that it's clear, we'll both hunt the traitors out of hiding.”
“Wait… We both?”
“Of course! Is there a problem?”
“N-no! Of course not.”
Actually, Spy had planned to go looking for Engineer. But now he has Soldier on his hands, so he has to change his plan. And he already has an idea.
“Umm… I said that I suspect the traitors in the abandoned part of the base, right?”
“Those were your words.”
“Well, as far as I know, this place is locked. Do you have the key?”
“Of course. That's my base after all!”
You would like that, wouldn't you?
“I'll go get it. You wait here! And don't let yourself be conned, got it?” And with that, Soldier bustles off.
Spy uses this time to talk to Jeremy (who looks pretty pissed off).
“Scout…”
“I'm not talking to you anymore” he replies defiantly, folds his arms and turning away.
“Now don’t act like a defiant child!”
“Why not? After all I'm still a child. Am I right, Scout?”
“Oh please. Even the most childish 16-year-olds are more adult than you. Now get a grip. You know that Soldier is an idiot.”
“Pah!”
“Anyway. ‘ave you talked to Engineer?”
“………”
“Scout.”
“………”
Spy sighs beaten. This kid…
“I’m back!”
Soldier's dominant voice enters Spy's ears and goes through his entire body. This frightens the French so much that he almost betrays himself. How can it be that a guy who is always loud can sneak up like this?
“Let’s go, soldier!”
With one last look at Scout, Spy follows Soldier into the corridor.
“Hudda…” Pyro carefully places a hand on Scout's shoulder, but he shakes it off.
“Leave me alone, Pyro.”
“Mmpfhh…”
Engineer lies relaxed on his sun bed at the main entrance of the base next to his sentry and drinks his beer. He has not heard anything from inside for a while. Apparently the others were able to successfully hide from Jane. And it's not easy to hide from Jane. If he is looking for something or someone, he is like a bloodhound.
They're safe and Engineer doesn't have to worry about them. He can only hope that they stay in their hiding place and don't come across of one of his sentries. Solly had ordered him to changed them so they shoot at anyone who - well - is not American.
Dell has to admit that he's worried a bit for Soldier. This year he goes a little too far. What if the others blame him so much that they assassinate him the next day?
Nah! We are a team. We hold together like a family. Each of us has his quirks and everyone understands. Tomorrow we will surely laugh about it.
Engie closes his eyes. The even breathing of his beloved Sentry makes him slightly sleepy. And while he's dozing off slowly, Dell remembers that they had always celebrated 4th of July in Texas with a big fireworks display and an even bigger barbecue party. Best beef on best grill.
Automatically his right hand puts itself on his stomach.
A shadow settles over Engineer. But he doesn't bother because he believes only one cloud has moved in front of the sun.
“I've heard that alcohol makes you fat and ugly.”
Oh shit…
Scout stands over him, holding one of Dell's beer bottles in his hand.
“And energy drinks make you hyperactive and stupid.”
“Pff!”
“What do you want, boy? Didn't Soldier send you away?”
“Sure. And as good as I am, I have already found the classics.”
“For real? Where are they?”
“They have entrenched themselves in the cellar.”
“You will not tell Jane, will you?”
“Hmmm… No. Spy promised me to borrow his cigarette case if I shut up.”
“Doesn’t sound completely voluntary.”
“Some offer they had to make.”
“Boy, if you help someone, then you do not take anything from them.”
“Why not?”
“Because these are your teammates. They are like your family.”
“If it were your family, it would be different.”
“There we go.”
“Yeah, yeah, anyway! At any rate, they begged me to talk to you. I was their only hope, you know?”
“Don't beat around the bush, son!”
“They plan to teach the hard helmet a lesson so that he will hold back a little more next July 4th. And they want our help. Are you in on it?”
The word assassinates comes in Dell's mind.
“What are they planning to do?”
“No idea. But it will be interesting.”
“Hmm… Okay, I'm in it. Are you telling them this? I have to stay here. When Solly realizes that I'm not in my place, there's trouble.”
“Pffah! Today only one will get trouble. And that's not us. Besides, I just wanted to go to the common room. Let Pyro out of his cage.”
“That's nice of you. The poor buddy. Kept like an animal in a cage.”
“I think he feels comfortable in it. Just want to let him out to create chaos and confusion.”
“………”
Scout makes suddenly twitching movements and scratches his head and neck.
“What's up with you, boy?”
“Nothing! Just have the feeling that I have creepy-crawlies on my body.”
“Creepy-crawlies?”
“Yes, anyway! I'm gone.”
He leaves.
The others are in the basement. Not the nicest place, but maybe they are safe from Soldier. But now Dell has to decide what he should do. Does he go to them now and possibly risk Jane getting wind of it? If only he knew what exactly the others were planning.
“Oh boy…”
Spy and Soldier are now standing in front of the locked steel door that leads to the abandoned part of their base. Why this part is left unused, they don't know. That's how it was already when they moved in here three years ago. Even the corridor that leads to this door seems slightly ghostly. What does it look like inside then? From the outside, the Mercs have no insight, because the windows are provided with boards and curtains.
The question is how Soldier got the key.
“Have you ever been in here?”
“Of course not, maggot!”
“Why not? I mean, it's exciting, isn't it?”
“That's why Miss Pauling gave me the key. Because I'm the only one with discipline and responsibility. Closed doors are not funny, after all.”
“Okay…?”
Sometimes you are even a bigger joker than Scout. But things like locked doors are probably a limit to you. We should take advantage of that in our favor.
Doe unlocks the heavy door and pushes it open. Immediately an ice-cold wind and the slight smell of mold blows against them. Spy turns his head away in disgust.
“Disgusting.”
“Don't whine! In you go!”
Soldier pushes the wrong scout through the door. The cold immediately takes possession of him and makes him shiver. But he has to admit that something else triggers the shaking. They are standing in a corridor. On the right the gray, unfriendly, cold wall and on the left the row of windows. It's the old boards that nailed to the windows that mouldered. The gray curtains, which probably used to be white are torn and blow ghostly back and forth. The light that shines in between the boards from outside is deprived of its brightness by the curtains.
Spy has to swallow a bit. Scout should be grateful that he isn't in his stead.
Soldier just marches headlong. He sighs and follows him. This is the perfect place to get rid of him. But for that they have to go deeper. Lucky Soldier doesn't distrust Spy's lie. After all, he had finally claimed that they had fled in here, even though the door was locked.
Suddenly Soldier stops abruptly. “Just a minute…”
Oh-oh!
“The door was locked. How did they get in here?” The patriot turns to Spy.
“Eerrr… M-maybe they had a spare key?”
“Impossible! I have the only key!”
“W-w-well t-then umm...”
Soldier looks piercingly at him (through his helmet).
Merde…
Spy gets ready to run away when Soldier suddenly starts to laugh.
“Hahaha! Presumably, this French Spy has turned into the key and opened the door for them. He was the only one left behind to fool me! To give the other time. But I don't let anyone fool me!”
…artard.
The two reach the first room. There are no windows in there, absolute darkness.
But the Spy doesn’t really care. He wants Soldier's key.
“Light the way for me!”
“I…what? I have no light.”
Soldier reaches into his pocket and brings out a small flashlight, which he hands over to Spy.
“That's why I'm the leader and you my battalion.”
“I think we should end this ridiculous war.”
Soldier slowly turns to Spy and looks threateningly down at him. “What was that?”
“I mean, we could search them here for hours without ever finding them. And they are not our real enemies either. You just get weird ideas because today is your favorite day.”
“Are you telling me that July 4th is not a day of honor in your eyes?”
“What? No!”
“Did you switch to the side of the enemies?”
“That's not how I meant it!”
Soldier steps close to Scout, who in turn dodges backwards until he has a wall in his back. Jane bends down to him, their noses almost touching.
“I would advise you not to betray me.”
Spy has to get this psychotic patriot off his back before he blows his cover!
“Now listen to me! You may be the leader!” At least that's what you think. “But you should not forget that we are your troop! And what is a leader without his men? Nothing! Therefore, you should finally start to respect us more and insult less! And while we're at it - stop constantly screaming!”
“But I have to scream and insult you! Otherwise you snails will not get off the stick! And as always you are the best example! Or why I still have no light, eh?”
Soldier grabs Scout and shoves him into the room in front of him. Muttering something to himself, Spy turns on the flashlight. The room is quite big. Or is that because of the yawning emptiness that reigns here?
Presumably this was or should be something like a common room.
“Why is this part here actually abandoned?”
“That’s Top Secret!”
“In other words, you have no idea either.”
*smack*
The hit with the whip on Spy's butt causes the dead air to shake. With his mouth wide open, he turns to face Soldier, a hand on his butt, his face covered in surprise, disbelief, and pain, thinking of making a cry of pain or not.
“I hate backtalk! Now stop looking like Engie’s Truck and move! I finally want to get these maggots and teach them the lesson of their lives.”
We'll see who will get learned his lesson…
A doorless passage leads the two into another room border to three others. Spy didn't think the darkness could get any darker. It looks like it could swallow the light from the flashlight.
“Great. And which way do we take now?”
“Light once in every room.”
Spy obeys. But he doesn’t step too close to the dark rooms. After checking all three, he returns to Soldier.
“Report, private!”
“Well, the left and right passages lead to a dead end. And the middle one to another eerie corridor.”
“Then forward march!”
“Uummm…”
“What is it?”
“W-well, how about I stay here? I mean, just in case they get past me. So I can trap them, y'know?”
“Without flashlight?”
“Er…”
“You’re coming with me!”
“But it's so scary!”
“You are a shame for the army! I'll give you beans when I'm done with these traitors!”
Soldier rips the flashlight out of Scout's hand. “You stay behind me!”
“Aren’t you...afraid of ghosts?”
“Me? Afraid of ghosts? Pah! I have already fought against ghosts you were a mere twinkle in your father's eye!”
I don’t think so, my dear Jane.
Soldier goes straight to it. This whole team consists only of weaklings and yellowbellies. He's the only one who can bring this bunch to heel. They simply lack discipline.
Once fighting in the war, they would finally turn into a man! The fight against the BLUs doesn't count.
These are all just washcloths, too. It's time for Soldier to dust off his top-secret training plan.
Doe reaches a staircase that leads up one floor. After a few steps, he notices that Scout has not said anything for a while. Actually, nothing bad, because the enemies cannot be forewarned. Nevertheless, it's quite untypical.
“What's wrong with you, Maggot? Are you so afraid that it makes you speechless?”
No reaction.
“Scout?”
Silence.
Doe turns to the boy, but he’s nowhere to be seen.
What? Lost?
One of his men is missing and the enemy is lurking nearby. What to do?
Retreat! Of course Soldier could also act as a one-man army. Together with his rocket launcher, he is a dangerous man. But what is a commander without his men? And for no other reason he will backtrack now.
Too hasty, he begins with the descent, treads wrong and crashes down the last steps. With a heavy groan he hits the cold ground, losing the flashlight. It slips a few feet off the ground, away from him.
“Ow…” He automatically touches his head. Thank god he had his helmet on. In addition to the weapon, the helmet is the best friend of a soldier.
Still lying on the floor, Jane looks around for his only source of light. It seems so far away.
If Soldier is honest, he feels a little uncomfortable without the flashlight. He feels for his rocket launcher and wants to get up, but something stops him. Doe listens into the darkness.
Silence. He thought he had heard something. What exactly he cannot say. But no matter what it was. This was certainly the responsibility of the enemies of America, who are hiding in this abandoned part of the base. Is he being hunted now? They think just because he's alone now he's attackable.
“You will never get me alive…”
Hastily he stumbles over to the flashlight. Keeping it in his hand gives Jane a little peace of mind.
Soldier
“Gasp!”
One voice! There was a voice calling his name! A scary, whispering, transparent voice. Soldier cannot possibly determine which direction it came from.
“Who's there? Show yourself!”
Soldier
Jane whirls around in panic. The voice was right behind him but nobody is to be seen.
“Are you a ghost? I'm not afraid of ghosts! Before you even died, I've already fought ghosts!”
Soldier
Soldier
Soldier
Soldier
Now the voice is everywhere. Or are there several?
Soldier turns around his own axis.
“I know exactly what you are up to! You want to confuse me! But that will not work!”
During the turn, he discovers a figure in the light of his flashlight. Without thinking, he drops it, heaves the rocket launcher on his shoulder and fires all of his four rockets in the direction he thought he saw the figure. The explosions make the building shake - and then it's quiet. No more voices.
After a short period of immobility, Soldier drops his rocket launcher. “Hmph! Don't mess with me.”
He picks up the flashlight. Soldier feels like being invincible! However, his flashlight doesn't seem to feel that way, too. It's light begins to flicker.
“Oh no…”
A few final attempts to give light to its owner, and then the flashlight gives up its spirit and wraps Jane in absolute darkness.
Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier
The voices are back. And louder this time than before.
“No… No!” Jane retreats until he feels a wall in the back and slides down on it. Both hands are pressed to the ears. “Leave me alone!”
Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier!!!
After a painful odyssey back to the busy part of the base, Spy shoves the heavy steel door shut and locks it with the key he had stolen from Soldier. Thanks to his watch he could go unnoticed. Was not easy without light. He had to feels his way in the dark slowly and still got bumps and bruises.
“Finally out there.”
As Aiméric turns around to finally get the others out of the cellar, Dell suddenly stands in front of him.
“Aaarhhgg! God dammit! Engineer! Was this necessary?”
“I'm sorry, pardner. I saw that the door was open. Isn't it always locked?”
“Yes, but I ‘ad to get Soldier in there.”
“And he is still in there?”
“I ‘ad to do it. I couldn't get rid of ‘im otherwise. Don't worry, ‘e's fine. Do me a favor and bring the others here. They are in the basement.”
“Roger that. Scout has already taught me about it. I'll hurry up.”
Dell's going. Meanwhile, Spy will get some flashlights. In search of it, he comes past the common room. He takes a quick look inside, just to see what Scout is doing.
“What are you doing, imbecile?”
The scout had tried to squeeze through the bars, but got stuck halfway.
“What do you care” Scout countered, paying no attention to Spy. You can clearly see that he’s embarrassed by his complicated situation.
Aiméric shrugs. “You're right. This is none of my business. I have something to do anyway. Pyro takes care of you. Don't you, Pyro?”
“Hudda!” Caring, the pyromaniac puts a hand on Scout's head.
“Aww. Isn’t that cute?”
“Don’t touch me, you psychotic fire devil!”
“Now, now. If I were you, I would be kind to your roommate.”
“It's all your fault! Because you've distrusted me! If you had just stayed in the basemanet and let me do it, it wouldn't have happened.”
“Calm down. You're just in a cage. When we're done with Soldier, we'll let you out.”
“Why not now?”
“Because Soldier ‘as the key.”
“And where is the hard helmet? Did you backstabbed him? You can do that so well.”
“…I'll go then. You don’t want to talk to me anyway. Au revoir ~”
And Spy's gone.
“Hey? Hey! Come back and get me out of here! Spy! Spyyyyyy!!”
“Hudda!”
“Leave me alone already!”
Dell reaches the basement. There he finds the others sitting in a circle. They give the impression of survivors of a nuclear attack.
“Howdy, Pardners!”
“Engie?!” Engineer is pleased that they are happy to see him. It's about time that they finally come out of the basement. He doesn't feel comfortable when his friends and colleagues have to hide in their own base just because Soldier has one of his phases.
“What are you doing here? Did Scout finally find you? It took a long time.”
“No, the boy was with me some time ago…”
“And why didn’t you come right away?”
“I could not leave my post. Soldier would have calls me down otherwise.”
“And why are you here now?”
“Spy gave me the green light. He said I should come get you. What do you have for a plan?”
“We will make it clear to Soldier that America is not a super-land and it is stuck without other countries. Just like Soldier without us. Hmph!” Tavish speaks with a stern tone in his voice. When he's not drunk, he's one of the more austere and sober types. “But it's not personal, Dell.”
“Hey, don't worry about me. I don't take that personally. I can understand you. Well then come. I'll take you to Spy.”
“What would we do without you, Engie?”
“Yes! You are the good soul of this team.”
“You make me embarrassed, boys.”
Engineer leads the four up the basement stairs and down the corridor towards the abandoned building. They pass one of the base entrances, where there is still one of Engineer's Sentries. Active and ready to shoot at anyone who is not American.
Unfortunately, it comes too late into Dell's mind. Panicky, he whirls around to the others.
“Stop! Don’t go any further!”
Beep beep!
The sentry fireworks illuminate the entire area. Usually a beautiful sight for Engineer. But this time he is plagued by gruesome guilt. He can do nothing but watch his beauty shoot down Medic, Demoman, Sniper, and Heavy. Their screams are completely destroyed by the shots. And finally, the Sentry shoots her four rockets, which fly with a graceful turn through the air and collide with the dying.
Then it becomes quiet.
Perforated, the Mercs lie motionless in front of Dell on the floor. Blood everywhere. Some parts of the body were separated by the explosion and flung away for several meters.
His Sentry has made a good job.
That will cause trouble.
He will now quickly convert his Sentry and then wait at the Respawn for the others. He's hoping they are not too angry. How could they, where they had previously described him as a good soul of the team? They will surely understand him.
Spy waits impatiently at the steel door to the abandoned part of the base. He could find some flashlights in the storeroom. Now he is standing here waiting for Engineer to finally come with the others. He had sent him off a long time ago. What stops him?
Steps. Then finally the others can be seen. Spy rolls his eyes annoyed.
“Well, finally. Where were… What’s wrong with you?”
As they get closer, Spy recognizes the miffed expression on their faces. Engie, on the other hand, trots after the others, keeps his head down.
“I'm sorry we kept you waiting, but a so-called Dell let us run into his Sentry and we had to make a trip through the spawn.”
“Oh… I see. Don’t blame ‘im.”
“Whom else then, huh?” Tavish's admonishing gaze wanders from Engie to Spy. “Maybe we should blame you. You should have sapping that thing, after all.”
“Hey, hey, hey. Mutual blame doesn't help us. And basically, we all know who's to blame for all this trouble, right?”
“Yes, where is Soldier actually?”
“Behind this door.” Spy knocks on the steel door.
“Wait a moment…” Medic looks around more closely. “That's the abandoned part of this base. And he is in there? All alone? And if I look at the flashlights like that, I assume that there is no light in there. I think we should hurry.”
“Why?”
“The human mind is quite complex. Especially the one from Jane. If you spend too much time in dark places, all by yourself, you can hear noises and see images that are not there at all.”
“Wouldn't it be an advantage if he loses his mind?”
All eyes are on Sniper. “Just saying. At least until after Halloween. Then Doc can fix him.”
“Don’t worry. ‘e ‘as a flashlight.”
“So... if there is no light in there, I can take care of it. Just a second.” And with these words Engineer's gone.
“Does that mean I got the flashlights in vain?”
Spy puts them down on the floor and unlocks the steel door. Soldier is not to be seen. He must be still deep inside. It's really strange that he didn't come back here. Did he get lost? But even Spy has found his way back. And that without a flashlight. Did something happen to him? If Aiméric is honest, he worries a bit about Soldier.
A moment later, the ceiling lamps begin to flicker and the ghostly corridor in front of them is flooded with bright light.
“What the…? The electricity is still intact ‘ere?”
Dell returns to the group, proud of himself.
“Of course. I keep it in good condition permanently since we moved here. Arrangement from above. Just in case, I guess.”
“But why are the whole windows nailed up?”
“Don’t know. I should just take care of the electricity.”
“That means… this key is yours?” Spy holds out the thick key to Engineer.
“Yes, that's mine. I wondered how you and Solly came in there. Where did you get that from?”
“From Soldier. ‘e said it belongs to ‘im. That the administrator entrusted this key to him because ‘e is the only you can trust. Pah! That should ‘ave make me wonder.”
Engie shakes his head beaten. “Just get Solly out of there so that we can finally finish this nonsense.”
With a nod, Spy, Medic, Heavy, Demo and Sniper enter the abandoned part that does not seem so abandoned now.
“Hey… Where is Scout?”
“’e sits in the cage with Pyro.”
“Oh… I'll check on them.” Engie is straight away on his way to the common room.
Meanwhile, the others are looking for Soldier.
“With light the rooms now seem even bigger. I wonder what Engineer should maintain the electricity in this abandoned part of the base. ‘e could have taken care of the furnishings, too.”
“Maybe as a retreat, if something should happen to the main base?”
“Well then the furnishing is even more important. At least it should ‘ave a fireplace room and a wine cellar.”
“SOLDIER!”
The others flinch. Tavish's voice echoes from the walls.
“What are you doing?”
“I call for him, lad. Who knows how far he is inside. By calling him we could find him faster.”
“Where did you leave him behind, Spy?”
“’ard to tell... With light everything looks very different. But I think we'll be there soon.”
Suddenly, Medic stops abruptly. Heavy turns to him.
“What’s the matter, Doktor?”
“Don't you hear that?” Now everyone stops and listens to the silence.
A soft whimpering is to hear. Demo's legs start to shiver.
“G-ghosts?”
“Don’t be silly, mate. There are no ghosts.”
“Of course, lad!”
“Of course not, mate!”
“Lad!”
“Mate!”
“Lad!”
“Mate!”
“What about Merasmus?”
“Merasmus is a wizard.”
“An undead wizard!”
“A zombie is still not a ghost!”
“Are you two coming?”
The others were keep moving and almost around the corner. The two stragglers catch them up. All alone it is quite scary despite the light.
“Oh dear…”
The group reaches a kind of staircase. There, on a wall, Soldier sits huddled on the floor. The legs are tucked up to the body, both hands pressed against the helmet (seemingly a gesture to cover his ears) and head bowed to the ground. He mumbles anxiously something to himself. Next to him lies his rocket launcher.
“Woah!” Tavish discovers the perforated and blackened wall. “Did he shoot at it?”
Spy feels a bit guilty about leaving Soldier alone. However, he had his flashlight. He could have found his way back. Aiméric notices the flashlight on the ground next to Soldier. He picks it up and presses the switch. When nothing happens, he tries again, but nothing. It must have broken. So he sat in complete darkness all the time.
“That cannot be true…”
Medic kneels down to Solly.
“Soldier?”
“They want to get me but they will not get me they want to get me but they will not get me.”
“Soldier!”
“They want to get me but they will not get me they want to get me but they will not get me.”
Medic reaches into his pocket and takes an injection from there.
“Why are you carrying syringes with you, Doc?”
“My dear Sniper, what kind of doctor would I be if I didn't do that? I always have to be prepared for everything.”
“And what exactly is it?”
“A sedative. Or as I like to call it, a panacea. It not only soothes but also relieves pain and restores mental stability. And that's what Jane needs more than anything right now.”
Sniper nods his head but actually he has no idea what Medic means.
He's about to sets the syringe on his neck.
“Into the neck? For real?”
“Medic rolls his eyes annoyed. “Who is the doctor here?”
“I’m sorry, Docteur.”
“Be careful!”
“Don't worry. Soldier is quite insensitive to spraying. He will not notice anything in this condition.”
Even as he speaks, the needle penetrates the skin and against all expectations Soldier suddenly jumps up, hits Medic with his fist in the face, grabs the syringe, pulls it out of his neck and throws it away. It ends up in Demo's leg and the white fluid content is pumped into his veins, the effect of which begins immediately.
“Uaarg… aaarrg….”
The seasoned Scot falls backwards to the ground, lies there with outstretched limbs and stares apathetically at the ceiling.
“Wooooooaaahhhh….”
“Tavish! Mate!”
While Spy takes care of Medic and Sniper to Demoman, Heavy grabs the raging Soldier and shakes him vigorously.
“What’s the matter with you?”
When that doesn't help, Heavy raises his right hand and gives Jane such a strong slap in the face that the helmet flies off his head. With big eyes, the soldier stares up at the Russian.
“C-commie…?”
“Name is Heavy or Misha. Remember that at last! We have a serious word to talk about!”
“Ssshh! Don’t you hear that?” Soldier's eyes move excitedly back and forth.
“What?”
“Ghosts…”
“There are no ghosts.”
“They are here!”
Soldier starts raving again. Panicked, he tries to get out of Heavy's grip.
“Calm down!”
Again Misha gives him a slap. This time even stronger. So strong that Jane slumps lifeless in his big hands.
“Well, you did a great job, fatman. Is he dead?”
Medic regains his legs slowly. He holds a handkerchief under his nose to stop the bleeding.
“Are you okay, Docteur?”
“Yes, thank you. Let me see.” Ludwig lays two fingers on Soldier's neck to feel his pulse. “Oh, he's just unconscious.”
“Good, then we can finally-“
“However…” interrupts Medic Spy and looks at Soldier deliberating. “However, it might not be a bad idea to kill him.”
“WHAT?!” All horrified glances are directed at Ludwig.
“It's very easy. His mind is completely fogged. The syringe was his only chance. And it was wasted.” Medic looks down on Demo. “When he wakes up, he will still be trapped in his psychosis.”
“Well then just give him a new syringe!”
“Pah! Am I your syringe clown? We kill him now, go back and on the way we pick him up at Respawn.”
Everyone keeps quiet.
“If you please, Heavy.”
The good-natured Russian hesitates, but then grips Soldier's throat and puts his other hand on his head to break his neck. But again he hesitates and turns to the doctor for help.
His mouth twitches and Medic starts to laugh loudly.
“Pffahahahaha! That was a joke. Just kidding. When he wakes up again, he will be the old self again. And even if I had to get another syringe ready, you know how much I like doing that.”
“It's said that Germans ‘ave no sense of ‘umor. But they ‘ave. And it's cruel…”
“Doctor scared Heavy.”
“I’m very sorry, Heavy. I hope you don’t mind carrying Soldier and Demoman?”
Suddenly Tavish starts to babbling.
“There is no god. Only the infinite universe. Equipped with the knowledge of the past and our and every life is nothing more than a tiny speck dust grain. 90 human years are just a moment in the cosmos. What is the meaning of life? The concatenation of generations to maintain the illusion of a meaning of life.”
For a long time the Mercs are silently watching Demoman. Then their eyes wander to Medic.
“Well, I didn't wrongly call my medicine a panacea. Apparently, it even affects consciousness-expanding. Fascinating. I have to examine this more closely.”
“Does that mean this medicine has never been tested before?”
“But it is. Just now.”
“Docteur…”
When Soldier wakes up after a violent ride through nightmarish climes of his sleeping mind, he is bathed in sweat. Without having to sit up or look around, he knows he is lying on the bed in his veteran room (actually just his bedroom). He immediately recognizes this by the proud American flag on the ceiling above him. He had hung it up there to be reminded every morning when he wakes to feel blessed to be an American and to serve his country.
But there is something else. Faces. He can recognize them. Engie, Heavy, Spy…
They look worried.
“Mutiny…”
“Really, Soldier? That's the first thing that comes to your mind when you wake up?”
“I told you that he will be the old self again.”
Jane turns his head to the side and discovers Medic in a chair next to his bed. He opens his mouth, but with a wave of his hand, Medic silences him.
“Before you insult me again as a Nazi, I have to tell you that you are under arrest. At least until you've listened to what we have to say.”
Now the soldier raises his head and discovers the rest of the team. Immediately he lets his head drop back to the pillow.
“Get it over with.”
“Do you remember what happened?”
“I was betrayed by my own men, was lured into a trap and exposed to a mental ordeal.”
“Not really.”
“Are you saying that I just imagined it all?”
“No, I mean, you brought it all on yourself.”
“What do you want to say?”
Now Demoman approach Soldier and bends threatening down. "We mean, if you treat us so disrespectfully once again, you will fare even worse!”
“Demo…”
“You are not Miss America! You are not Captain America! You are NOT America! You're just a normal American, with a bit too much patriotism, which, I suppose, came about through brain damage! Because normal isn't it anymore!”
“Tavish, leave that to me, please.”
Medic’s calm voice lets Demoman calm down a bit. With a last snort, he turns away.
“You know, you did something wrong?”
“…no?”
“No, huh? You forced us to act like Americans. You dressed us in costumes and wanted to hunt us down when we refused. Do you do that with your team?”
“Don't make such a fuss! It's just once a year after all.”
“Why, you…!” Demoman wants to rush upon Soldier but Sniper and Engineer can stop him.
“To clarify this once and for all, we are here now. We need you-“
“Of course!”
Medic breathes in and out calm before continuing. “-and you need us. That is essential. The same applies to America. What would America be without the other countries?”
“………”
“Everyone in this room comes from another country. Countries that are important to America or historically related to it. Let's just start with France. Spy, may I ask?”
Spy's expression suggests that the Frenchman would loves to do it.
“Well, my dear Soldier. You are a true American, are you?”
“You bet your Frenchie ass!”
“…good. Then the Statue of Liberty means something to you, right? Or as it’s called in my language La Liberté éclairant le monde.”
“Which American doesn't like it? If you omit the baguette language.”
“Hmph! So if you like it so much then you surely know its origin, hm?”
“New York.”
“No, you imbecile! The Statue of Liberty was a gift from France to America! And if you ‘ave also a lack of knowledge- it represents the Roman goddess Libertas, who stands for freedom! In ‘onor of America's independence - Fourth of July.”
Soldier's jaw dropped.
“I belong to the people who ‘ave made this wonderful gift to your people and you treat me like a foot soldier! Hmph!”
“Oh er… Well… Thank you…”
Aiméric takes a strong draft from his cigarette, and then answers calmly: “You're welcome. I could name a thousand other examples, but I think this was the most meaningful.”
“Okay, let's continue with Australia.” With a glance, Medic turns the floor over to Mundy. But he hesitates.
“Oh er… I-I I'm not sure what Australia has ever done for America. I grew up on a small island. I later traveled because of my job but I was not really interested in that.”
“Why didn’t you at least come up with something?” whispers Demo to him. But Mundy just shrugs helplessly. "I-I think there was once a mutual military agreement between the US, Australia and New Zealand.”
“Okay, I think that's enough. Let's move on to Tavish.”
Sniper's depressed. Dell pats his shoulder encouragingly.
Tavish puts both hands in the sides. “America is fortunate about the thousands of Scottish immigrants.”
Soldier leans his head. “Why?”
“Because we have a rich culture that extends America's consciousness.”
“For example?”
“Our music, our pubs, our food, our martial heritage.”
“I cannot stand the noise of your checkered backpack.”
“That's a bagpipe!”
“Scottish alcohol is too strong.”
“You Americans just have a sensitive stomach.”
“You eat disgusting stuff like steamed goat's mites called Hargat.”
“Haggis! And it's stuffed sheep's stomachs.”
“Martial heritage? This can only mean your skirts. Which men wear skirts? Under those you Scots are even naked. Well, that's probably the only thing that's not too bad…”
“These are not skirts, but kilts! And the nakedness underneath means freedom.”
“All this is little consciousness-expanding.”
“That's just because you don’t appreciate it, and seemingly have no idea about Scotland. But someday you will.”
“Don’t you still have to fight Nessie?”
“I did! Long time ago… I miss the old times… *sniff*”
“Great… Now we have two depressed gramps” Scout sighs.
“Don’t get distracted. Heavy has something to tell you now.” The Russian rises from his place and like a sequoia he stands in the room, which makes it look quite small.
“Heavy says only one thing – Russian-America.”
“Wat!?” Now Soldier sits up in bed. He's curious to know how one got this name. “A Russian America? Impossible!”
“No! Russian-America. That's one name. In 1867, the Russian Empire sold Alaska to America.”
“That's rubbish! Alaska has always been part of America! And what does the nurse want to tell me then? Cuckoo clocks are from Germany?”
Medic rolls his eyes annoyed.
“At that time, Russia and America were friends.”
“It just keeps getting better! That's probably wishful thinking.”
Heavy ignores him. “Thanks to Russia, America has the largest exclave in the world.”
“Hmph! Even if it's true, why did you call that example? Do you think, just because we have a family name, should I feel connected to Russia?”
“This was a friendly gesture that still connects America with Russia today and vice versa. That's worth a lot. Especially in times like these. The cold war is at its peak. And no matter who wins. Heavy hopes that Americans and Russians will remember this gesture, not to forget that their countries can be friends and not always enemies.”
It’s quiet in the room.
“Wow, buddy. That was beautiful.” Engineer pats Heavy on the back amicably (actually he wanted to pat his shoulder, but the size difference...).
Heavy sits back on the chair, a sign that he's done.
“I hope you think about it, Soldier.”
“Yeah, whatever… And what do you have to tell me? What has Germany ever done for America?”
“Something very, very important. We are why July 4th became Independence Day.”
“!!!”
“Well, it was not Germany directly, but Prussia.”
“Prussia? What's that? A country?”
“It was, yes. A strong, battle-gifted, big country.”
“I think I heard about that at school... But it doesn’t exist anymore, does it?”
“That's right, Jeremy. Shortly before World War II, the largest part of Prussia became part of Germany. A fusion, so to speak. The rest was taken after the war by Russia and renamed.”
“How about you finally come to the interesting part of the story!”
“But Mon Chér. Such a story ‘as to be told in detail.”
“That’s alright, Spy. At that time, when America was still ruled by England, the Americans sought help from the Prussian people. They knew about their fighting strength and their keen sense of tactics. The Americans wanted to learn from them, fine-tune their combat experiences and learn a lot about tactical strategy. And Prussia helped America. It made them strong for the upcoming fight against England and for the freedom and independence of America. And they won.”
“So you really think that we, the world power, won only because we had help from Europeans?”
“Exactly. Well, maybe the Americans could have done it without help. But they have asked Prussia for help, so no one can say for sure.”
“Hmm… Okay. God bless Prussia! But what exactly does this have to do with Germany?”
“Prussian blood flows in our veins. Earlier, I mentioned that Prussia and Germany are merged. In part... Now that Prussia is no longer, we stand for everything that Prussia has done.”
Again Soldier keeps silent. "Kraut-Baguette convinced me most of all.”
“Entschuldige?”
“Pardon?”
“Exactly!”
Medic and Spy are looking at each other.
“And what is now? Will you leave us alone next year and the years after that?”
Jane hesitates.
“Remember, Soldier. Such situations can be avoided by adhering to the most basic principles of human togetherness: decency, fairness, and respect. We are not Americans, but we live here. And we respect you Americans. And also your holidays. And your, sometimes, unbearable nonsense... And we also know that this is especially important to you. So also respect us, if we don't always speak English or do things characteristic for our country. Then we get along perfectly and something like today doesn't have to happen again. Agreed?”
“Well, I guess it would be pretty boring if we were all Americans…”
“You've got it, lad! Let's drink to that.”
Tavish bursts out of the room, beaming with joy.
Soldier puts on his faithful grin. “Oh! Where is Pyro?”
“Still in his cage” answers Dell. “I thought it’s the best to leave him in there when I got the boy out of there. He almost crushed Scout to death.”
“Yeah man! Don't know what's going on with this guy. He squeezed me as if I were a teddy bear.”
“I think that Pyro is very sensitive and feels changes in the air immediately. And Scout, you were very upset. I think ‘e just wanted to comfort you.”
“Shut up, Spy!”
Jane jumps out of bed in a good mood. “Booya! I'm hungry.”
“That doesn't surprise me. You slept most of the day. It's getting dark outside.”
“What? July 4th is almost over? Tomorrow we have to go back to the battlefield! No eat and no alcohol! Now it's off to the training ground! Go, go, go!”
Soldier brings out his whip and pushes the other out of his room and through the corridor.
“I thought I took his whip from him?” Dell wonders.
“You did. I don't want to know where he got it from. Suddenly it was there!”
“Shall we not correct him, Doktor?”
“Not necessary. This is not Patriot-Soldier, but our caring Soldier who only wants the best for us.”
“Hey, what about Halloween? We still have to talk about it!”
Doe gives Mundy a big slap on the butt. “Shut up hippie and move!”
While Jane droves his troops around like a cattle herd, they pass the storeroom where Demoman is just coming out, with a bottle of cider in hand. When he sees what's going on, he sets the reverse gear, but Soldier doesn't miss that.
“You’re coming, too!”
October 31st – Halloween
Mundy lies on the roof of his van, his hands clasped behind his head and looks up at the sky. He has been in this position since nightfall. Waiting until this hideous day is finally over. The days before Halloween he had closely watched Soldier. He likes Halloween and he likes his Halloween costume. Because he wears it every year. A box with an antenna on its head, feet in shoeboxes, pretending to be a robot.
Ridiculous! But the most ridiculous thing is that he considers him to be Merasmus on Halloween! Then he always knocks on his van to lure him out. Once he had even smashed a window of his! And this year will hardly change. Therefore, Sniper has taken precaution to move his van to another location. Here he should be safe from Soldier's rampage.
On July 4, they gave Soldier a piece of his mind. Why not because of Halloween? But no, on this day does not have to suffer the whole team, but only the stupid, old Mundy! So who cares?
“Hmpf! Wankers…”
But if Sniper thinks about it, it's okay. Here it's quiet and peaceful.
Besides, it's only once a year and Mundy can always change the locations. And it's a great change not always to stand in front of the base with his van. In lonely places like this he can even do some shooting practice (which he actually doesn't need!).
So all in all not so bad that Soldier has in it for Mundy. Not that he needed an annoying Jane to go out with the van, but without him he's a bit unmotivated. He prefers to lie somewhere, his hat drawn deep in his face and dozing.
“Beep beep boop.”
Mundy gasps. That cannot be…
He listens more closely. Everything is so quiet. Was that already before? This silence literally kills him.
Did he maybe just imagine that? He must have imagined it. Soldier cannot possibly know he's here. And how was he supposed to have come here? It's ten kilometers from the base.
Mundy looks in all directions. Except for a few rocks, the area is quite assessable. However, he cannot see too far through the darkness.
So it was imagination…
Relieved, Mundy lies back and tries to continue where he was interrupted by his imagination. This time he pulls his hat in the face.
“I need vacation.”
“Beep beep boop! I am a robot, maggot!”
“………!”As if stung by an adder, Sniper jumps up, flees into his van and barricades himself there. He pulls the windows curtains shut. His heart beats painfully in his chest like a steam-hammer.
“That cannot be... That just can not be...!”
“Bleep, bloop. I am a robot. What is love?”
The voice is much closer. And it clearly sounds like Soldier. Carefully, Mundy pushes aside one of the curtains and takes a gander but in the dark he can barely see anything.
“Robot noises.”
Suddenly the entire van starts to wiggle. Surprised, Sniper lurches back and forth. He falls into something and shortly thereafter it clashes.
“Damn, Soldier! That was my coffee cup!”
“I am a robot from the future. I was built to scare you.”
“Stop shacking my van!”
And indeed, Sniper's words are effective. Soldier stops and everything becomes quiet. But Mundy knows Jane is still there sneaking around his vehicle like a predator. He should go out and give him a kick in the ass, but Soldier is physically superior to him. So he has no choice but to stay here until the spook is finally over.
“Come with me, if you want to live. With me. In my apartment. I need a roommate. The household is not done by itself. Beep.”
“Piss off, you psycho!”
“Meraaaasmuuuuuss! I will find you. That's what I do. That's all I do.”
“I’m not Merasmus!”
“Beep beep! The robot's natural enemy are hippies!”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever…”
“MERAAAAAAAAASMUUUUUUUS!!!”
“DAMN, SOLDIER!”
Suddenly, a threatening voice thunders through the valley and shakes the earth. The sky turns green. So intense that it even shines through the thick curtains.
Soldier screams. Mundy glances carefully out of the window. The wizard hovers over Soldier, who keeps slightly bent in defensive posture - in his stupid costume.
“Stop calling my name constantly! What do you think? And what makes you think that this ridiculous wretch in there is me? I'm not able to stand this anymore! And certainly I will not share an apartment with you EVER again!”
“You were a bad roommate anyway. You were the next to take out the trash!”
“I ALWAYS took out the trash! I was ALWAYS the one who made and did while you never lifted a finger! Unless, of course, you brought me trouble. For that you always had passion, time and energy!”
“After all this time you're still angry about that? Bombinomicon didn't made such a fuss!”
As soon as the name is pronounced, the demon book appears.
“Did someone call me? Oh, Soldier! How are you?”
“Hey, bomb! Do you remember the sour cream in the toilet?”
“Yes! Hahaha! Merasmus sat down on it and had a very white ass afterwards!”
“Hahahahah!”
“Hharharhaha!”
Mundy swallows when he notices Merasmus reaction. He will explode at any moment!
“Enough!”
BOOM! A mighty bang resounds and a moment later Snipers Van is hit by a poison green blast. The windows burst and the broken pieces tear the curtains as they spread throughout the van. The car horn goes uninterrupted, and yet Soldier's panic screams drown it out.
That's going to be too hot for Sniper. No matter what happens to Jane, he will definitely disappear here. So he sneaks out of his van and jumps into the driver's cab. Even here the windows are broken and he has to sit on shards of glass. But he doesn't care. Just cut and run!! So puts the hammer down and drives away. After at least one kilometer, the crazy car horn gives up its ghost and there are still screams from Soldier to hear.
Sniper stops the car, looks out of the window at the place where he fled. Neither Merasmus nor Soldier are more to see, but something different. Another explosion can be heard, from which a kilometer-high green atomic cloud emerges, which illuminates the night sky brightly. Even from this distance, Mundy can smell the sulfur.
“Happy Halloween, ya rocket-hoppin' simpleton!” And with that, Sniper drives away.
The next day:
Mundy awakens in the bed of his van as the sunbeams of the hot desert shine in through the paneless windows. He sits up and stretches. Although his van was demolished, he still is in a good mood. His mood is always good after the day of the 31st of October, but this time because he's sure that he finally has his peace before Soldier.
When he gets out of his van, Engie comes out of the base. When he sees him and his car, he immediately comes over to him.
“What happened to your van?”
“Oh that? This is the result of a night full of events.”
“OK? Do you need help with the repairs?”
“Would you help me with that?”
“Of course.”
“Thanks, mate.”
“Never mind. Say, did you see Soldier? I think he did not return to Base yesterday.”
“Uuummm…”
A loud bang makes the two wince. Mundy is worried that Merasmus is now haunting their base but it's not the wizard. Engineers Truck comes from the desert.
“What the…?!”
Dell's jaw drops and watches in disbelief as his beloved truck, completely demolished and limping, drives to the square in front of the base and stops there. Smoke escapes under the bonnet, one of the rear tires is flattened.
The driver's door opens and Soldier gets out. He looks as awful as the truck. His costume is in many places eatened by fire, the antenna of his robot head is completely bent and now looks like a question mark. His left shoe is missing.
Staggering, he approaches them both, takes Engie's hand and puts the car keys in there.
“Thank you for lending me your truck. I have to sleep now.”
And with these words, Jane scuffs like a zombie towards the base and disappears inside.
Engineer still does not move. His eyes are fixed on his car. Mundy feels uncomfortable.
“Well, I uh... I guess the repair on my van will probably have to wait.”
The Texan still doesn’t react.
With raised hands Sniper moves away. Once Dell freaks out, nobody wants to be around. Normally, he has a quiet nature, but sometimes there are situations where even a Dell hasn't himself under control. And that is just such a situation. Sniper is fed up with explosions and fortunately he reaches the base before Engie blows up.
“DAMNIT, DAMNIT, DAMNIT, DAMNIT! DARN! Grrrr… Aw, hell… Well, with a few simple steps you are as good as new again.”
Engineer is on his way to his workshop. In the base he meets a good-humored Soldier, who seems to be aware of no guilt.
“Oh hello, Engie! Can I borrow your wrench?”
“DAGIT NAGIT, NABIT DAGIT!”
Notes: Happy Halloween! And I wish all Americans and in America living Germans, Russians, Frenchman, Scots and Australians a happy 4th of July!
Summary: A short text in Medic's Diary makes Spy look at the doctor in a different light.
A "poisonous" present
With a tasty cigarette in his mouth, Spy makes his way to his office to settle down in his comfortable armchair and enjoy a glass of wine.
His route leads him past the common room, where he sees Scout and Soldier sitting on the couch. Normally, the Frenchman would just ignore that, but just as the two of them are very interested in bending over something, it makes him curious. And indeed, the two seem to read a book.
Since when do the two airheads read?
Soldier starts laughing and Scout grins like a Cheshire cat. It seems to be a funny book.
Maybe Aiméric could also take a quick look. They don't notice him. He positions himself behind the two and looks over their shoulder.
What the…?
The whole text is completely in German.
Annoyed, Spy strikes Scout's back of his head with the flat of the hand. It echoes throughout the room.
“What are you doing there?”
“Oh no… The stick-in-the-mud.”
“What is that?” Spy takes them the book away. “Whatever that is, it belongs to Medic. And I ’ardly think ’e allowed you two idiots to read it.”
“It’s his diary.” Scout says that with an almost swollen breast of pride.
“…what?”
“His diary! Come on, read it too!”
“Certainly not!” Aiméric wants to shut the book but something stops him. “What did you laugh about? You two don't understand a word of German.”
“Cupcake wants to give the commie a present.”
“Or he got a present from him. No idea, it's about a gift anyway.”
“Wherefrom…?”
“There's the word gift and Heavy's name. So we just put one and one together.”
“Don’t talk nonsense.” Spy sighs beaten. “All right. Show me the passage.”
“There.”
It’s the last entry. From today.
Contrary to Aiméric’s good breeding he begins to read the text in the diary. Because something made him wonder.
He has to read the text several times to understand the content correctly. However, this has nothing to do with the fact that German could be too difficult, but because the English word gift is contained in it. And more often Spy reads this text, the more uncomfortable he feels.
Manchmal habe ich das Gefühl, von meinem Team nicht den nötigen Respekt zu bekommen. Aber Heavy ist da anders. Daher werde ich ihm morgen ein Gift geben. Ich habe mir etwas ganz Besonderes für ihn einfallen lassen.
“Spy? Hey, Spy! What's wrong? What is written there?”
“Spit it out, Frenchie!”
“It just doesn’t make sense…”
“What?”
“It says that Medic intends to give Heavy a poison.”
“Wat?!”
“He wants to poison Heavy?”
“That must be a mistake. ’e wrote that ’e doesn’t feels to be respect by us. Except from Heavy and ’e wants to give ’im a poison because of that.”
“Are you sure that means poison? Maybe it has another meaning.”
“Imbeciles! There is only one meaning for the German word Gift. Poison!”
“So he really wants to poison him?!? That actually doesn't make sense. Or maybe it does.”
“And ’ow do you explain this meaning?”
“Sure thing! If Heavy is really the only one who still respects Medic, then he wants to kill him before he loses his respect for him. Do you understand? If he kills him before this happens, his respect for him will always be safe. Or maybe you cannot speak German as well as you always say, Spy.”
“Shut up.” Spy shuts the diary. “I will bring this back. You can only ’ope that ’e ’as not noticed the absence of ’is diary yet, otherwise the good docteur would divide you into four parts.”
“Yeah, yeah. Come on, Solly! Let's hide Demo’s alcohol while he's drunk.”
Laughing, the two walk away.
Again Spy sighs.
I better bring the diary back as soon as possible, otherwise I'll get into trouble with Medic.
“...there goes my glass of wine.”
So Aiméric makes his way to the infirmary. To be on the safe side, not to be discovered, he uses his watch to make himself invisible.
The infirmary is empty, except for the doves, so Spy makes himself visible again. He can only guess from where the two idiots stole the diary from. A drawer of the desk is lightly pulled out. Aiméric prepares to put the book in there but pauses. He has to admit that the writings of Medic leave him no peace. Of course, it's nonsensical to think that he wants to poison Heavy. But…
“Spy?”
Aiméric jumps startled, while the diary slips out of his hands and falls into the drawer. He whirls around to the voice and closes the drawer with a skillful movement of his bottom.
“Docteur!”
“Everything okay? Can I help you?”
Medic approaches Spy at the desk.
“No no. Everything is all right. I just wanted to...”
“Yes?”
“I.. I er… I am looking for my snake. You didn’t see her, did you?”
“Your snake?” Medic’s voice becomes sharp. “No, I didn't. Because if I had it, I would have slayed her with my reflex hammer.”
“But Docteur…”
“You know very well that I cannot stand it when your reptile meanders around here. Especially where my doves are.”
“I assure you that she doesn’t eat birds.”
“She is a tree snake. What do you actually think, why she's named that?”
“Okay, okay. She's not ’ere anyway.”
“I hope for her.”
With a fake smile, Spy says goodbye and leaves the infirmary. He does not need to worry about his snake. She sits safely in her terrarium in his room. But he's a little worried about Heavy. Poisoning someone doesn't mean that you want to kill someone. You can also poison someone to make them sick, so that you can care for that person. Medic is a doctor with heart and soul. And Heavy and he are indeed best friends. But would he really do that? He doesn't feel well respected by his team, except Heavy. Is Medic so hurt that he is now completely focused on Heavy? Does he wants to distract himself?
Maybe the idea that Medic wants to make him sick and then take care of him is not that outlandish.
Maybe I should keep an eye on Medic.
The entry was from today. So he will poison Heavy tomorrow. If Spy has only one hint of suspicion, he will intervene immediately.
The next day, Medic stays in the kitchen all day. Anyone who tries to enter will immediately be chased out. Every day Aiméric thanks for his watch. There is hardly a better way to poison someone than by food.
Medic cooks some alien dishes. Spy takes a look at the open cookbook. They are all Russian dishes.
Soljanka
Blini
Rassolnik
Pelmeni
… … …
Spy isn't familiar with Russian food, so Medic can put all sorts of things in there and Aiméric will not know if it's poison or spice.
In the evening, when it's all done, Medic calls Heavy. This one makes big eyes when he sees all the Russian specialties.
“Doktor…”
“Überraschung!”
“Is that all for Heavy?”
“All for you. Sit down please.”
Heavy pleasingly obliges and the doctor serves the first dish. It's a soup.
“I don't think I've got it as good as your mother, but maybe you'll like it anyway.”
“Doktor, good intentions always taste good.”
“Hahaha!”
Good intentions, hm? We'll see if the good docteur has such good intentions.
Heavy takes the spoon in his hand. Spy gets nervous. Even a spoonful could have fatal consequences for the Russian.
He leads the spoon to his mouth. Medic sits next to him and watches him with a smile. A smug smile? Or is it confidently?
The spoon has almost reached his mouth!
Oh! Mon Dieu!
“No!”
With a powerful blow Spy sweeps the plate off the table. Heavy froze in his movement. Aiméric takes the spoon away from him and throws it down too. The whole soup is distributed on the floor. It's blood red.
Medic shoots up from his chair.
“Spy?!?”
The Frenchman makes himself visible and stares at Medic angrily.
“What were you thinking?”
“Excuse me? I should rather ask you that! What is wrong with you? I have been in the kitchen all day long!”
“Yes I know that! I watched you all day after all!”
“And why, if I may ask?”
“Because you want to poison Heavy!”
“What…?!”
Medic looks very perplexed. Heavy on the other hand horrified.
“Whatever gave you that idea?”
“Because I…umm…”
“He has read your diary!”
Suddenly Scout and Soldier are standing in the kitchen.
“You did WHAT?”
“Yeah! And he wanted us to do that too! Right, Soldier?”
“Positive! But we refused. To read the diary of an ally is an act of treachery!”
“Thank you, you dumbbells.”
“Doktor, what are they talking about?”
“If I only knew...”
“Okay, I admit I threw in a look. It said that you want to give Heavy a poison.”
“What? I never wrote that! Where is that written?”
“Here!”
Scout holds Medic's diary out to Spy.
Spy cannot believe they've ransacked Medic's desk again.
“’ow attentive, you little spitfire. Nothing is sacred for you, isn't it?”
“I'm just trying to help.”
“You put me in this position!”
When Aiméric turns back to Medic, he looks very, very angry. He crossed his arms over his chest and rocked his foot up and down.
“We'll talk about that later. First tell me where this nonsense is written.”
With a nod, Spy opens the book, finds the passage and slides it across the table to Medic. He leans over it and reads his last entry.
In the kitchen it becomes quiet. Even Heavy doesn't move. You can see that he is more than confused.
“Oh…” An amusing grin scurries across his face. “I actually made a mistake.”
“How should that be a mistake?”
“Well, I wanted to write Geschenk, but in fact I wrote Gift. Well, that can happen when you have to speak English day in, day out.”
“The whole world should only speak English!”
“Shut up, Soldier.”
"Huh? Kesh-eng? What ist that?"
"Gift" Spy answers annoyed.
Scout stares at Spy and Medic in confusion. "Why gift? Poison? I don't understand anythin!"
"No, you idiot! Geschenk is Gift. Present!"
It clatters a bit in Scout's head, then finally he understands. "Oooohh! Now I get it! The English word Gift also exists in the German language but it has a different meaning. Eww! How can you equate gift with poison? Sick."
Medics sighs. "Let's just stick with present. Or Präsent. That means in German also gift. And present."
The fuses burst in Scout's head. "Uuuhhhh..."
“Anyway. Let's get back to the topic. It doesn't surprise me that you are not surprised that I wrote that I didn't feel respected by you. But how could you if you just rummaged through my things and shamelessly read my diary.”
“Docteur-“
“So, now that we could clarify the fact that I didn't want to poison Heavy, you can wipe away this mess here.”
As soon as Medic said that, Scout and Soldier were already gone. Spy wants to use his watch to make himself invisible, but Medic points with a small bottle directed on him.
“This is citric acid, so don’t even think about it.”
“………”
Merde.
While Spy is scrubbing the floor, Heavy enjoys the other dishes.
“Doktor is good cook.”
“Oh, vielen Dank.”
After Heavy finished his meal, he wants to clear the table.
“No, let it be, Heavy. Spy will do that. Don't you, Spy?”
“………”
“And while you're at it, you can do the dishes, too. There is a lot left over.”
“Can I at least put some other clothes on before? I don't want to ruin my suit.”
“You should have thought of that in the beginning.” Medic knocks on his diary. “I had never thought you would.”
“Docteur, I…”
“If you want to make amends, spare me with your excuses.”
“………”
Scout and Soldier. When I get my ’ands on you, I will kill you!
Two days later:
Scout and Soldier sit (once again) together in the common room on the couch and make fun of something. When Spy gets closer in the invisible state, he can watch them play with a crab.
“Don't you think the cattle looks like Spy?” Scout laughs.
“Both are maggots!”
“I think not.”
Aiméric now makes himself visible and the two are not very pleased to see him.
“What are you doing here?”
With a big grin, Spy leans over the backrest down to the two and puts an arm around their shoulder.
“Now, now. Why be so inimical all of a sudden?”
“What do you want, Frenchie?”
“Just wanted to see what my two favorite teammates are doing.”
Scout and Soldier look at each other skeptically.
“Then look at this.”
Scout holds the crab in front of Spy’s face. It immediately grabs with it's scissors and pinches Aiméric's nose.
With a cry of pain, Spy moves away from the couch.
Scout and Soldier laugh.
“A-hahahaha. Yes, very funny. So I'll leave you on your own, then. Keep going.”
“We will. Now go away! You are annoying.”
And Spy is going. He heads for the kitchen where Medic and Heavy are sitting together. Heavy eats a sandwich and Medic drinks a cup of tea.
Aiméric is reluctant to disturb this idyll.
“Hello, Docteur.”
“Spy…”
“I'm really sorry I'm bothering, but I ’ave an important information for you.”
“Can't that wait?”
“That could be wait, yes. But last time you got so upset about your diary. I just thought it would interest you again.”
“My diary…?” Medic’s voice becomes sharp.
“Oui. Scout and Soldier ’ave taken your diary. They are currently sitting in the common room.”
Without another word Medic is jumping off the chair and rushes out of the kitchen. Spy will not miss out on that and follows him.
“Scout! Soldier!”
The two turn around in surprise to the doctor.
“Hey, Doc! What’s up?”
“What’s up? I will tell you what's up! Come across with my diary right away!”
“What?”
The two look aghast, but that does not deter Medic.
“We don't have your diary! For real!”
“Ach really?” Medic rushes over to the couch, takes a quick look, and then begins to search. He quickly finds his diary behind a pillow. “Aha. And what is this?”
“It wasn't us! Isn't it right, Solly?”
“Negatory!”
“That… that was Spy!”
“Don't make me responsible.” Spy shrugs innocently with his shoulders.
“You've plant this thing on us!”
“’onestly. If you've screwed up, you should adhere to it.”
Scout jumps up. “We are innocent!”
“That’s enough! No healing for you two for two months! As for me you can croak on the battlefield!”
And that's how Medic walks out of the room. Scouts and Soldiers mouth are wide open.
“Hononon! You've just landed yourself in a whole load of trouble.”
“Fuck you, Spy.”
Scout throws the crab in Aimérics direction. The animal lands in his face, pinches him again in the nose and this time doesn't let go.
“Ooowwwww!”
“Maggot.”
“Yeah…”
Scout looks at his list with all the pranks he wants to play on his team today. Well, wanted to play. But he cannot. Because none of the team can be found. All are gone. For no reason! And that for days. He's all alone in the base, and if he's honest, it's a bit scary. Especially at night...
He lies in bed like a pancake. He had never noticed what eerie noises were heard at night in the base. A knock, almost rhythmic. A howl as if the wind were blowing through the base (but there were no doors or windows open! Scout had checked to be sure, well, just to make sure nothing came in - like a monster... or something...).
Then there were footsteps in the corridor, who came closer and had stopped at his door. Jeremy had been holding his breath, listening. But the steps were no longer heard. Did someone or something stand at his door all night? He couldn't sleep anymore. He kept sight of his bedroom door all night. Only when the sun finally rose and filled his room with brightness, he had the courage to stand up and look. Of course, only with his baseball bat. That one should have been there, but the corridor was empty.
Last night, he heard no footsteps, but a scream... At least Scout thinks he heard a scream. And the voice sounded exactly like Snipes'. But it was too far away and could only be heard briefly.
But he must have imagined that. As well as the steps, the knock and the howling of the wind. Because he remembered something that Medic had once said.
The human mind is highly complex and fear is irr… national?
Never mind! Somehow he had said something like that.
And now Jeremy is sitting here, on the sofa in the common room staring at his list. A list, with ingenious pranks that he had worked out cleanly over the year. He put the names of everyone on the list and what he wanted to do with them (Pyro he had crossed out).
But no victims, no pranks.
With a sigh, Scout leans back and remembers last year.
After Sniper's shits he had searched for Jeremy and always had his machete at the ready. Apparently he really wanted to fillet him. But Scout was just too fast for him. Well, maybe Scout would be also pissed off when, after such an incident, he no longer had a natural relationship with a toilet.
Pfft! Toilet. Yeah. Snipes is an outdoorsman. Nature is his toilet. So why the fuss?
Spy had ignored him for days. Had always wrinkled his nose when Scout had entered the room. He knew he was waiting for an apology. He had always said sorry. But apparently that was not enough. This guy really thinks he's something better. What does his mother just see in him?
Demoman. In a brief moment of carelessness, Jeremy got caught by him (it's not always easy to guard against eight people at the same time). And before he knew it, he was naked from the waist down and lies over Demos knee. Never before had someone spanked his ass. And it had hurt. After the spanking Jeremy had rubbed his sore bottom and huffy made Demoman the accusation that he probably likes to spank children. But Tavish had just answered that Jeremy's puppy license had long ago expired.
Sober Demo is a stuffy old man and boring. Just like everyone else.
Soldier returned safely to the base. But only days later, without Engie's truck and with a different look. Merasmus was probably so angry about his intrusion into his territory and the accusations that he had turned him into a raccoon (when Scout saw him for the first time, he inevitably had to think of the run over raccoon he found on the street - was that maybe a soldier, too?). Everyone had tried to change him back (except for Engie, who had not spoken to Soldier for weeks), but Solly didn't seem to mind his new life as a raccoon. He even seemed quite unconcerned. Nevertheless, he insisted on putting on his beloved helmet. And Jeremy had actually believed that the glue in the helmet had long since dried. As if. Everyone had to help pull the helmet off his head, tearing his fur hair off. They literally had flay him alive (his screams had been heard throughout the base). With his bald head Soldier had no desire to be a raccoon anymore and he had no choice but to be healed by the respawn. Since then, Soldier carried his whip around with him, banging on Scout's bottom with it whenever he crossed his path (not least because Jeremy had fumbled around with his maggot farm). A Disciplinary Action, as he always said. And Scout believes that the whip even bears this name.
Pyro... was as usual. Three April Fools' jokes and the guy had not checked that he was fooled. But on the contrary. Scout felt more fooled by Pyro.
Engineer was angry with Scout, too. But he was even more angry at Soldier. He had explained him why he had taken his truck, but the Texan didn't want to hear about it. He and Sniper drove the van to search for the truck and found him in Ghost Fort, where a small, stubborn ghost with a gibus hat had settled down on the back load.
Even after Engineer had to take a shower three times a day to wash off the black paint and not be able to wear his helmet for a while, due to the thick bump (Engineer the prettiest unicorn), he had forgiven Scout relatively quickly. Engie is not resentful.
Just like Heavy. He couldn't eat a sandwich for a while, but he didn't blame Scout for too long. But he will never make a sandwich himself again. He had asked Medic to keep the sandwiches for Heavy separately. The Russian is probably afraid that Scout could steal the sandwich from him again, but Jeremy never plays the same pranks. For example, this year he wanted to notch the legs of his bed. Jeremy wanted to know if, when the bed breaks away under his big butt, Heavy crashes through the floor. He has so much fat on his ribs, he probably wouldn't notice the impact.
And Medic... Medic surprised him the most. Or rather made him unsure. After his reaction to Scout's prank, the runner had thought he would quarter him with his saw. But quite the contrary. The next day Medic was as usual. As if nothing had happened at all. Of course Scout had kept away from him anyway. Because maybe he only wanted to lull him into a false sense of security to catch him when he least expected it. But nothing happened.
Maybe the Doc is suffering from Alzheimer's? This glance…
Jeremy hadn't forgotten his look. So hateful. Scout almost wet his pants. The old man can sometimes be so scary.
“Maybe I should also delete Medic from the list…”
Despite the April Fools' Day, there are still rules. Jeremy had learned that now. Never lay hands on the sanctuaries of the others.
Medic – Doves
Heavy – Sasha/Sandwich
Demoman – Alcohol
Soldier – Maggots/ Helmets
Spy – Suit/Cigarettes
Sniper – Van/ Coffee Cup (Scout had actually glue the cup together, but had Mundy thanked for that? No. He's such so ungrateful…)
Engineer – Truck/Toolbox/Toys
Pyro - ???
There is not much left for pranks. But Jeremy is not for nothing the master of pranks. But if there is no one to be kidding, it makes no sense. And on top of that, the camera is gone. He had spent half a year looking for it. But it just disappeared. He cannot remember where he left it.
“Everything's shit...”
The silence rolls over the boy. Again. He cannot stand it anymore. Of course he can make noise for 9, but if all except him is gone, then he just don't feel like it. He feels pretty bad. Jeremy dread to think when he must spend a whole night in this big base all alone again. Where are all of them?
Almost be out of his mind, he jumps up and screams.
“Damn it, guys! Wheerreee aaaarrrreee yoooooouuuuuu!!??”
But stop! Scout suddenly has a thought. What if the team wants to play a trick on him? After all, today is the April Fools' Day. However, they had never done that before. And why they spend days hiding from him? It doesn't make any sense anyway... But suppose they really want to play a trick on him, then Jeremy will go in search of them to forestall them.
“You won't get me, old farts.”
Scout stuffs the list in his pocket and storms out of the common room. When he runs around the corner, he bumps into someone.
“What the…?”
After Scout had recovered from the shock, he recognizes the person standing in front of him.
“Doc? Where the heck were you?”
Medic doesn't answer, breathing hard instead. He has to lean against the wall to hold himself. Only then does Jeremy realize that he is carrying blood on his clothes. And his head seems to be wounded.
“What happened?!”
“Scout… Finally I found you…” Medic falls down on his knees. “You have to help me. The others…”
“What? What is with the others? What happened?” Scout kneels down to Medic, looks at him worriedly.
“They are badly injured… You have to help me to take care of them… otherwise they will die…”
“Yes! Yes, of course I will help! Come!”
Scout helps Medic to get up and together they go down the corridor. He has to help the doctor while walking. He limps while walking.
“Now tell me what happened.”
“I wanted… to work on an experiment... And for that, I needed the help of others. But something went wrong...”
“Why didn’t you ask me if I help?”
“For the simple reason that you never take my work seriously.”
“…………”
“There was an explosion… The ceiling collapsed and the others were buried under the rubble. The exit was also blocked. It took me days to get out of this room…”
“You were locked up and I didn't know... Why didn't I hear the explosion?”
“To experiment, I use the basement room. As you know, this is soundproof.”
“And the others...?”
“They are… badly injured… If we do not hurry, they will die.”
“Wait a sec! That’s not too bad, isn’t it? I mean, we have the respawn.”
“The machine has been damaged by the explosion and... has failed.”
“W-what's that supposed to mean failed?”
“When we die, we cannot be brought back.”
After Medic said that, it rattled in Scout's head. And then he stops, looks at Medic skeptically.
“Is this…a joke? I mean, today is April Fools' Day and…”
“Do you have only your stupid jokes in mind?” Medic suddenly yells at him.
He looks at him with exactly the same angry look as a year ago. Scout almost jumps out of his skin. He hadn't expected such an outburst.
“Finally grow up! Lives are at stake! In addition, you should finally understand that we do not stoop to your childlike level!”
“…………”
“Gut. If you do not want to help me, I will save them alone. But I already tell you that it will be difficult for you in the future with the knowledge of having human lives on your conscience. People with whom you spent years and who was your second family.”
“Okay, okay. I'm so sorry. You are right.”
Scout catches up with Medic and helps him walk.
“Listen, Doc… Last year with your dove… It was really just a prank.”
Medic sighs beaten.
“I'm not resentful, Scout. And now listen carefully, so that we can finally check off this topic. You have acted in your childish levity. As so often. You will be grown up.”
“…………”
“But not in this life anymore…”
“What?”
“I did not say anything. Come on, we have to hurry.”
“Y-yes, okay!”
They reach the basement. The entrance is located in the rear part of the base. A scary place and quite lonely. Had Scout perhaps not imagined Sniper's scream? Maybe he was buried by the collapsing ceiling just then.
But the basement is soundproof…
I don’t understand anything.
“Come on, Scout! Go inside and pull them out from under the rubble. I can not do that with my injuries.”
“Leave it to me!”
Scout storms into the basement. He's so obsessed by the thought with saving his people that he doesn't notice that there are no pieces of debris at all. And no injured team members. Everything is as usual.
Perplexed, Jeremy stops and looks around in confusion. He needs a moment to check that something is wrong with Medics story.
“Hey… There is nothing here – Aaahhh!”
Suddenly Medic stands behind him and a syringe is in his arm. He only sees how a white liquid disappears under his skin, before he breaks free from him.
With scared eyes Scout moves away from Medic, who gives him a wide, eerie smile.
“Doc…?!”
The boy is completely taken by surprise.
“You are really a good boy, Scout. Childish and cheeky, but if we really need your help, we can count on you.”
“Where… where are the others?”
“Do not worry. You will be able to see them one last time.”
“What… what have you…?” The strengths disappear from Scout's legs and he falls down to his knees.
“Is that a joke?” he screams desperately.
“A joke? Does it feel like a joke? Does it looks like a joke?” Medic kneels down to Scout. No sign of a limp anymore. “How many times do I have to tell you that I never make jokes.”
“…………”
Jeremy doesn't know what to answer. There is no time for that anyway, because the world becomes black.
When Scout wakes up, the first thing he sees is a white ceiling, and the first thing he hears, cooing doves. The infirmary. Medic’s infirmary.
Instinctively, Jeremy tries to sit up, but his body doesn't want to obey him. He cannot even move his head. The disobedience of his body washes away the last remnant of sleep drunkenness in one fell swoop. He's so panicked that he doesn't notice that a scream escapes from his mouth.
He remembers. Medic had lured him into a trap and then drugged him. For a brief moment, just a moment, Scout hopes that it's just a joke from Medic. A ribald joke. That would suit to a crazy doctor like the doc. But before he fainted, he had assured him that it was no joke, that he never makes jokes. And the runner believes him.
The heart beats painfully against his chest. It doesn't even do that after a day of racing. It pumps so hard that Jeremy can clearly feel the thickened veins on the back of his hand and his forehead. But he also feels something else. Solid straps that span his torso and legs.
He's breathing heavily in and out.
Stay cool. Stay cool. It doesn't matter what Medic is up to. It will not be too bad. We are a team. And even if he should… kill me. We have the respawn. Maybe that's just his way of spanking my ass, giving me a lesson. Yes… Yes, that must be it.
Scout is reluctant to admit that he's doubting his own thoughts.
“Hallo!”
“Aaahh!”
Suddenly, Medic stands over him and smiles good-humouredly.
“You woke up on time. Very good.”
“D-doc?! What is that?”
“Do not shout like that. You scare my babies.”
“I can’t move!”
“Of course. I injected you with a paralyzing drug, so you do not fidget.”
“What?!?”
“You are paralyzed from head to toe. Permanently.”
“What do you…mean?”
“You will never be able to move again.”
The blue eyes with the frightened look are moving panicking in their caves back and forth.
“Do not worry. You can also feel no pain. Promised.”
“What are you planning with me?”
Medic crosses his arms and leans casually against the operating table Scout is lying on.
“Well, I have decided to take a close look at your brain. And I do not mean that I will X-ray your head. Hehehe…”
Medic pulls out his bone saw and holds it in front of his face to view the sharp teeth.
“You sick bastard!”
“As I said before - lower your voice. I know you are scared. Or do you want to gainsay that?”
“What do you want with my…?” Scout can hardly pronounce it.
“Well, after what you did last year, I became curious as to whether your brain has normal size. Because all the stupid things you do every day can not fit in there. Unless everything else is missing.”
“You do this all… because of this little prank? It was just a joke! Just a joke, just a joke, just a joke!! It's not my fault that you cannot handle it!”
Angrily, Medic slams his hands on the table to the right and left of Scout's head and bends down to the boy, his face wrinkled with anger.
“You still do not seem to understand it! What was just fun for you, was pure horror for me! I did not even get an apology from you! Nobody - nobody! - lays hands on my börds!”
The doves flutter violently with their wings as Medic's loud voice echoes through the room. Feathers sail through the air.
“You played a trick on the wrong guy.” The German stands up again. “And you still have not learned your lesson.” He takes out a piece of paper. “I found that in your pocket. A nice little list of pranks that you wanted to play on us again this year. Oh, this time you wanted to replace Demoman's eye patch with a cork, replace Heavy's weights with stuffed animals, and paint Engineers Sentry in the opposing team color. And what else do I have to see? Even my name is on it.”
“I-I wanted to cross it out! For real!”
“Hmm… If that is really true, maybe you have learned something. It is just a pity that it is too late now. To be honest, I do not really care if you play jokes on the others. They are always lenient with you anyway. These fools...”
“What do you mean by that?”
Medic crumples the note and drops it to the ground. Then he bends back down to Scout.
“You wanted to see them, did not you?”
Scout doesn't answer. He has a bad feeling in his stomach when Medic said that.
“Do not worry. I fasten you, so you do not slip down.”
“W-what?”
Medic grabs the operating table and turns it diagonally to a sharp angle. Jeremy's stomach tingles as he moves, and in fact he fears he'll fall. But the straps actually hold him. But he wished they wouldn't do it, as he sees the rest of the team. The world crashes over Scout. His eyes see the horror, but the mind hangs.
They are on the other side of the room. Dead. Every single one of them. Blood everywhere.
Demoman's body sits on the floor, leaning against the wall. The head hangs over. The skullcap is missing and thus gives a good view of the brain. Pyro is sitting next to him. Where once his mask was, there is now a skeletonized skull. Sniper hangs upside down on the wall, his stomach is cut open and parts of his innards hang out and lie partially on the ground beneath him. His dead, cold eyes seem to be staring at Scout.
Engineer’s and Soldier’s torso were nailed to the wall, their lower abdomen is missing. They were sewn together on the sides. Their blood had left a dark trail on the white wall on the way down. And just a little further on a shelf, the heads of Spy and Heavy were placed. Underneath are their bodies.
Scouts mouth and eyes are wide open. No sound escapes from his throat.
“Well, what do you say? Beautiful, right?”
“You…killed them…” whispers Jeremy, filled with sheer horror.
“Obviously.”
“Respawn…” Scout cannot even complete a sentence anymore.
“What? Oh! The respawn? I had said that the respawn machine had been damaged by an explosion. Ha! That you really believed that” laughs Medic. “Of course I manipulated the machine. They will never come back. Not even if the machine is reset.”
“Aaaaaahhhhhhrrggggghhh! Why? Why did you do that, you sick bastard! They didn’t harm you!”
“...they did not harm me, no. But before I explain it, let us watch a short movie.”
Medic turns the operating table to the left. On the wall hangs a canvas. The doctor pushes the prepared projector out of the corner and positions it next to Scout.
“What's that supposed to be?” Scout has a hoarse voice.
“You will see.”
The projector is turned on and a moment later it throws pictures to the canvas. Sniper is seen, drinking from his coffee cup. A little later it shatters in his hand and the contents spill over his legs.
“You still know that, do you?”
Of course Scout knows this scene.
“You had the camera all the time?”
“Of course. You left it in my infirmary. Actually, I wanted to delete the recordings. But I decided to show it to the others. I wanted to make them understand that they can not just let you get away with it. But do you know what they said? You are still a child. A big kid and you will grow up someday. We just have to be patient with you. All this they said, after seeing once again with their own eyes how you humbled them. For the third time. All year long, I've spent convincing them to keep a tighter rein on you. But they always said the same thing, remained stubborn. And the today's April Fools' Day was getting closer. So I made a decision.”
While Scout stares at the canvas, Medic leans over him, whispering in his ear.
“They are dead because of you, Scout. It is your fault.”
“No…”
“Yes~”
“You…killed them…for that…”
“I was angry with them and I could not allow them to get in my way when I take care of you.”
“The administrator will find out!”
“Of course I will hardly be able to hide it. But I have already come up with a pretty story. I will just say we were attacked by the BLUs. Middle of the night. Quite simple. And why should not she believe me? There are many mercenaries who violate the contract. And the BLUs really hate us. And I... I hate the BLUs and you all. I really hope that my new team will be made up of people who will not stab me in the back and who respect my work. God, how I hated all of you.”
“B-but we had always got along well.”
“I just played it to you. You really ought to know how well I can do that. All year long, I had a tremendous anger in my stomach because of your stupid prank, but I pretended that nothing had ever happened between us. You never meant anything to me.”
“…………”
On the canvas, Engineer is seen, spilled with the black paint and how his tools dropping on his exposed head. Medic shakes his head.
“Scout, Scout, Scout. You was not thinking anything of it, did you?”
“…………”
“Now when you see that all, do you realize that you have made a mistake?”
Jeremy doesn't answer. But Medic hadn't expected an answer anyway. He turns off the projector before he's seen on the film.
He moves the operating table back to its original position.
“It is time now.”
“Doc… please…”
“I'm sorry, my boy. But it is too late.”
Medic picks up his bone saw. He pauses and looks down at Scout.
“When was the last time you tell your mother that you love her?”
And then it breaks out of Scout. Big tears trickle down his cheeks. A sob escapes his trembling lips.
“I hope you take this experience with you to make it better in the next life. I will start now. I will extract your brain. As I said, you will not feel any pain. I took care of that. After all, I am not a monster... When your brain is removed, your personality is erased and everything that makes you the person you are. You will die. Your heart, however, will continue to beat and all other organs remain a little active, which are not dependent on the brain. Do not worry. I will stay with you until it is over.”
Scout doesn't answer anymore. With burning, watery eyes he stares at the ceiling.
Medic opens the straps and gives him an injection.
“Just for safety.”
But it is as if Scout is not there. He lies there, waiting for his end while thinking of his Ma.
“Here we go. And do not forget what I have told you before. Fear is irrational.”
He doesn't know if Medic had already started sawing his skull. He does move his head, but he doesn't feel pain. Is it really happening right now? Will his head just opened?
An unusual calm overcomes the runner all of a sudden. And he's happy about it. The thought of his head being hollowed out alive like a pumpkin robs his mind. But... he cannot change it. He cannot change his situation and he cannot change that the whole team is dead. That was his second family. He feels betrayed and deceived by Medic. But the worst part is that he actually blames himself for everything.
Something thick runs down his forehead between his eyes. It will not be either water nor sweat. Soon he will only be a shadow of himself. It's time to come to terms with himself.
Maybe... I really deserve that... I'm sorry, guys! And Ma... I love you, Ma! I don't know if I was always the son you could be proud of. But if I had the chance to go on living, I would hug you. I would always hug you and tell you how much I love you! I would help you in the household and buy you flowers regularly and... and... for you I would get along with Spy! Sometimes I thought you love him more than me, but it was wrong to think that. I'm so sorry!
“Ahah ... ahahahahahahahaaaaaahh! There it is! There it is! Oh my God! It is really small. Ahahahahahaaaa! Take a look, Scout!” Medic stands over him, holding the bloody, slimy organ in his face.
“Just look how small it is. Hmm... maybe you really was not your fault for your immature behavior. Oh, how cute~ Archimedes is just settling in your skull right now. I think I'll keep your head so he can nest in it. He seems to feel very comfortable in it.”
“Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!”
For Jeremy it seems like a dream when he jumps off the operating table and takes refuge in a corner, at the same time packed with pure horror. He stands with the wall in his back and stares at Medic. When he sees him standing there with his brain in his hands, his shaky hands shoot up and scrabble over his head wildly. Everything still seems to be there.
Scout is terribly confused.
“What the hell…? What the hell!!?”
Laughing softly, Medic leans over the operating table.
“Let me tell you something, Scout.”
Jeremy holds his breath.
“April fool.”
He's not sure if he had heard correctly. Therefore, he doesn't answer, continues staring at the Doc. Is this all maybe just imagination? Is he dreaming? But how is it supposed to work without a brain?
“What? You do not believe me? Well, maybe you believe them more.”
Medic points to the dead team members who suddenly come to life.
“April fool!”
Scouts throat escapes a squeal.
Medic can no longer hold back and laughs at the top of his voice.
With horror, Jeremy watches as Demoman and Pyro pull off their masks, Engineer and Soldier emerge from behind a small canvas that hid their abdomen, painted like the wall of the infirmary. Spy and Heavy had also stood behind the same screen. Their supposed bodies were just headless puppets falling lifeless as the two emerge from behind the canvas. And of course Sniper comes to life too. He frees himself from the wrong organs, but he cannot free himself from the rope.
“Can somebody help me? I cannot feel my legs anymore. I think the whole blood ran into my head.”
Very slowly Scout turns his head back to Medic. He is already convulsed with laughter.
“Um… Doc? Scout wets his pants.”
Medic stops. And indeed. Jeremy is very wet between his legs. Just like his face, when the tears run down his cheeks.
“„……….ahahahahahahahaha!!!”
Medic cannot hold himself anymore and rolls on the floor laughing.
Jeremy can finally free himself from his rigidity and flees without a word from the infirmary.
Except for Medic, the entire team seems to be plagued by remorse.
“I think we gone too far…”
“Did you see the boy? I've never seen Scout cry. I feel really bad.”
“What is wrong with you? He needed this lesson.” Medic straightens up and wipes the tears from his eyes. “Besides, it was just a joke.”
“A pretty tough joke…”
“You knew what you were getting into.”
The team members looks at each other.
“Yes, of course. But we didn't think he would react that way.”
“What did you actually injected him?”
“A remedy for his paralysis.”
“He was really paralyzed?!”
“Of course. What do you think why he did not move?”
“We thought because he was terrified.”
“The brain looked really real. How did you do that, Doc?”
“What do you mean? The brain IS real.”
The others look startled.
“What did you think? By the way, the organs were real too.”
Sniper makes a disgusted face and wipes the blood off his clothes. But he just distributes it only more.
“Where did you…?”
“From a baboon. I do not just use the heart.”
“That means the blood is no fake blood?”
“Of course not.”
“…………”
“Oh please. Do not be pathetic.”
“I'm better going now. Have still a lot to do.”
“Me too.”
Everybody leaves (slightly disturbed) the infirmary. Medic stays alone. Sighing, he sits down at his desk. Archimedes sits on the table in front of him.
“They are so fussy, right? That was just a joke. Well, at least I can now be sure that Scout will no longer plays stupid pranks on me.”
“Coo~”
“What? You would like to nest in a skull? I gave you an idea, huh?”
“Coo~”
“Na ja, let's see what can be done.”
Medic strokes Archimedes little head.
One year later:
It's late evening when Medic leaves his infirmary and makes his way to the kitchen. He had not eaten all day yet. He had not thought until his stomach began to growl so loud that it reminded him that he must eat as well. Apart from this, that would have disturbed only the work. A small soup should be enough.
The base seems like abandoned. The others must already be in bed.
When Medic enters the kitchen, a bowl of semolina pudding stands on the dining table. Next to it a note.
“Hmm?”
Doctor has not eaten all day. Heavy made semolina pudding for doctor. Please eat up.
“Heavy…” He sighs. Actually, Medic doesn't like sweet meals, but today he will make an exception. First, he doesn't have to cook anything himself, and second, Heavy has taken the trouble to cook him something. It's really nice that he had thought about him. He will return the favor.
A spoon is already ready. It stucks in the semolina pudding. So Medic sits down, pulls out the spoon and –
Splat!
Just now on the table, now in the face. The bowl flew from the table in the moment as soon as he had moved the spoon. It slips off his face and falls to the floor with a clank. The semolina pudding, however, remains stick.
Medic was frozen in his motion, trying to explain what had happened. Does the bowl have a life of its own? Is it damned? Is Merasmus behind it?
Hardly likely…
“April fool!”
Scout jumps out of his hiding, laughing at Medic's misery. And that's not all. The rest of the team is suddenly in the kitchen, laughing at him. Everyone, in their own way.
Spy on the quiet, Soldier and Demo loud. Engineer and Heavy smile almost apologetically.
And Pyro comes close to him and takes a closer look at Medic's semolina pudding face.
“Although I had hoped that you would finally learn your lesson, I should have seen it coming…”
“Aww! C’mon, Doc!”
Heavy hands Medic a cloth.
“I am sorry, doctor.”
“Yes… I know, Heavy.”
Hadn't the note been from Heavy, Medic might have become suspicious. Scout has learned. Unfortunately not what he should actually.
He wiped the semolina pudding from his face with the cloth. Then he notices the spring on the spot where the bowl had stood. It must have been so taut that it's triggered when you move the spoon.
Not that bad.
“Okay, you got me and laughed at your doctor, who cares about you every day! Now you can go to sleep.”
Medic wants to get up, but his team stops him.
“Wait, wait, wait! Doc, I have something to tell you!”
Medic is surprised at Scout's words and remains seated, arms crossed over his chest.
“Well, I am curious about that.”
“It’s about… last year. You really scared me to death and in the first few days I was pretty disturbed, y'know?”
“…………”
“He cried a lot.”
“That's a lie! Shut up, cyclops!”
Scout sits down on the opposite side of the table. He looks as carefree and cheeky as ever. And Medic is happy about it. Because for him that was really just a joke back then. But maybe it was really a bit too much. The boy is quite sensitive, even if Scout doesn't admit that.
“Well, I was very depressed, but the old guys spoke to me a lot. And uh... Well, I finally realized that you are not responsible for your madness.”
“………wat?”
“Yeah! You are crazy, loopy, just insane!”
“…………”
“That's why I forgive you.”
“…aha. Nice that you have realized that. And I thought, I must also justify myself for saying that I hate you all.”
“Of course we know that you don’t hate us.”
“And now for sure” Soldier says. Demo gives him a bump in the side.
“I really hoped you would know that. I am neither a traitor nor a mindless killer who kills anyone who get smart with him. You are my only family. I... love you... if you want that way.”
“Aww! We love you too, Doc.”
“Huddah!”
Suddenly, Pyro hugs Medic and the rest of the team imitate him. Except for Scout.
“Sorry, I don't like group cuddling. That's too gay for me. Anyway... what I really wanted to say is that I will never play a trick on you again.”
“Ach was? So my little prank did not failed to have the desired effect?”
“No no no! I took it like a man.”
“Yes, with pissed pants.”
“Go and hug a kangaroo, Blinky Bill! Where was I? Oh yes. I'm not going to play any pranks on you anymore because I've finally realized that you're just humorless old bags. It's a waste of effort to play my premium pranks on you. You don't appreciate them anyway. Either you yell at me, spank me, or the dark side of your soul comes out. No. I have much better things to do.”
“I always thought that's exactly what you always loved so much about it?”
“Pfft! Naw! I was just bored. At least that was my last joke and so I say goodbye.” Scout bows conspicuously and leaves the kitchen whistling.
“…you taught him the meaning of fear properly, Doc.”
“Seems to be. But as the saying goes - The leopard cannot change his spots. Let us just wait for the next April Fools' Day. Then we will see how seriously he took his own words.”
The team members looks at each other and breaks out into laughter.
“Scout, the paragon? Not in a thousand years!”
“Children love to play pranks and the elders to put them over their knees.”
“Maybe we should now and then have fun with Scout. He has been begging for years.”
“Agreed. Everyone comes up with something and next year we'll play a trick on Scout. Again. But this time something what doesn't make him cry. We all want to have our fun. Isn't it, Docteur?”
“I do not know what you mean. I had my fun.”
After leaving the kitchen, Scout took a stand in the corridor to overhear the team. He was just curious about their reaction. After what he said in there, he was sure they would talk about it. And they did. What they said made his heart leap. They really wanted to play a trick on him! They did that out of pity, but Jeremy don't care about the reason.
Maybe the old bags are not that boring.
He laughs softly.
“Yes! Yes!!”
Energized, Scout sneaks into his room to go to sleep. But he knows he will not sleep. Not with this thrill of anticipation in his stomach. Nevertheless, he closes his eyes after checking that the apple is in its place on the nightstand.
Summery: It's again the April Fools' Day. Scout's favorite day and the curse of the rest of the team. His jokes are as rude as ever. Only this time, the runner goes a step too far and the punishment follows a year later - on the April Fools' Day.
Chapter 1: The team's yearly horror day
Scout loves April. Especially the first day of this month. The April Fools' Day. The day of jokes and pranks.
He should correct himself... He doesn't love the month but only the April Fools' Day.
Just to make one thing clear. Scout won't be told by a calendar day when he has to fool his teammates. He does that every now and then as he wants it by himself. But still, this day is sacred to him. Because it allows to fool the people even harder. And because it's the day of the jokes, the others must not scold him therefore. And that's especially important because his team isn't able to see any jokes.
Well, they are all geezers...
But Jeremy is able to see a joke. He would even play a prank on himself if he could. The others are not even trying to fool him on April Fools' Day. Since joining this team, the April Fools' Day has been past twice but none of them ever played a trick on him.
Never mind. He is the only true master of pranks and jokes. Nobody is fit to hold a candle to him, because he knows all the tricks. You couldn’t fool him anyway. And it also gives him a superior feeling when he's the only one who can laugh, while the others are aghast at the sight of Scout's genius. He comes like a shadow, sets the trap and disappears silently, only to observe from a safe distance how his unsuspecting victims fall into this trap. Surely they know that he will play tricks on them again this year. But they cannot shelter themselves from it, because Jeremy never makes the same jokes. They are always fooled in other ways. And it will be this time, too. His repertoire is far from exhausted! This time, Scout will use a camera to capture all the baffled faces of his teammates. His genius finally has to be held for eternity.
The third April Fools' Day is just around the corner.
It's time to set the traps.
Sniper
Mundy awakens on the cot in his van. The sunrays shine through the rectangular window above him. Based on this he can say that it's early noon. He sits up, stretches, grabs his coffee cup and leaves the van to get his wake-up coffee from the base.
The kitchen is empty. Mundy is glad he does not meet any of the team. After waking up he’s always a bit grumpy. The base is quite big. Sometimes it even happens that the mercenaries do not get to see each other for hours. If Spy had met him, he would have asked him again about why he always sleeps with his clothes and his shoes on (Mundy himself had never seen Spook without a mask, which is why he assumes that he himself sleeps with his clothes, too, this double standard-moralizer). Already his voice would have plummet his mood further. As long as Sniper did not have his coffee, nobody should talk to him…
He turns the coffee machine on. The latest in the market.
He is the only coffee drinker. This fact brings advantages and disadvantages. The disadvantage is that after getting up, he will never get greet by the wonderful scent of coffee and he has to cook it alone. The advantage is that because nobody else drinks it, the supplies last a long time. Even though he drinks very, very, very much. Nothing is better than having something for yourself. The coffee, the own van, the sleeping place outside the base…
It’s a quiet morning (noon!).
The coffee is cooked and filled in his cup. Mundy deeply inhales the strong smell of black coffee. That's reviving!
When he just wants to take a sip of vital energy, the pitching of a ball is to be heard and a moment later, a white ball flies directly towards him. Mundy knows what's about to happen, but the brain cannot give the body fast enough the command to dodge and so the ball collides with the cup. The collision is strong. So strong that the cup (his favorite cup!) shatters in his hand and spreads the hot substance on his pants. Especially in the crotch area.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!”
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” Scout runs into the kitchen. The pure horror on his face. “I'm sorry buddy! Such was not my intention!”
As much as Mundy would like to beat the boy black and blue, it's top priority that he gets rid of his pants and underpants. Panicked and in pain, he unbuttoned them and pulled them down. However, his shoes are in the way. He will not get rid of his pants with them on his feet.
“Help me, you little fucking bastard!”
“Y-yeah, sure!”
Scout bends down, grabs Sniper's shoes and pulls at them. The sniper stands on shaky legs that are as red as chili peppers, so they can not hold him. He falls to the ground and hits the back of his head against the kitchen counter. And on top of that, he ends up with his butt in the shards lying in the black, hot puddle.
“SCOUT!!!”
“Okay, okay!”
The scout grabs Sniper by the shoulders and throws him aside. One, two pieces of broken glass have been drilled into his iron butt. The buttocks as red as the legs. He pulls out the broken pieces, causing Sniper to scream again. With difficulty, Mundy pulls away a bit. The cool ground is like a blessing to his aching butt. That's what his legs need too.
“Get me something to cool!”
“Alright, alright!”
Scout jumps up, runs to the fridge, tears open the top frozen food compartment, grabs the ice cube tray and rushes back. Mundy raises his hands defensively.
“Nah! No ice cubes!”
But the hard-frozen water is already raining on his aching legs and his crotch. His screams are sure to be heard throughout the base.
“Stop it! Stop or do you want to kill me?”
“I just wanted to help!”
Mundy takes off his shoes on his own, gets up and gets rid of his pants and underpants. Then he grabs his clothes and runs with bare abdomen out of the base.
A while later, Mundy lies in his van on the cot, his hat pulled low over his face to doze a little. After running out of his base half naked, he had hosed himself out with cold water from outside with a hose that he always used to wash his van. The legs are still slightly red, but the pain is gone. He had also been looking for Scout to put him over his knee but could not find him anywhere. He probably hid from him. After all this excitement, Sniper just needs a break.
But he does not have that for long, because someone knocks on the door.
“Whoever that is, piss off!”
“Hey, Snipes. It’s me.”
Scout.
Again it begins to bubble in Mundy. He swings himself from the cot and throws open the door, with the intention of giving the brat his punishment. But he pauses when he sees the younger, almost intimidated, standing in front of him - with a cup of coffee in his hand.
Demonstratively, he crossed his arms and leans against the doorframe.
“I uh... I just wanted to apologize for that from earlier…”
“Was that one of your stupid April Fool jokes again?”
“No no! Not at all! You were hurt! I could never do that on purpose!”
“…………”
“You know me. If it had been a joke, I would have called April fools. Were you at Medic?”
“Not necessary. After all, I'm not a sissy.”
“Oh, okay. Um… here.”
Scout hands Sniper the cup.
Mundy throws a skeptical look into it.
“The coffee is pale.”
“Yeah, I put a little bit milk in it.”
“I drink my coffee black. Always.”
“Hey, don't be so fussy. I just want to apologize. I don’t do that for anyone else, y’know?”
“…what about my cup?”
“I will glue it together single-handed! Scout's honor! Haha! Got it? Scout's honor.”
“…………”
“Well, um… don’t you want to drink already? I really tried hard.”
Scout looks up at him with almost watery eyes. Obviously, he is really regretting.
“Alright, mate. Apology accepted. And now go out of my sight.”
“I’m off!”
Scout runs away and Sniper goes back into his van. He sniffs at the coffee. It smells a bit weird... Maybe it's because he added milk. He takes a sip.
“Uff!”
The taste is very getting used to. Or is it perhaps because he doesn't drink from his own cup? He would like to throw away this gnat's piss, but Scout's apology touched him, so he takes another sip. This time a bigger one.
Then he lies down back on the cot.
After a few minutes his stomach begins to rumble strangely. Shortly thereafter, mild nausea occurs in him.
“Oh piss…” Mundy sits up and grabs his stomach. “What the…?”
And suddenly everything happens very fast.
“Oh shit! Oh shit!!”
In a panic attempt to jump from his cot, he hooks himself with one foot in the blanket and falls to the ground, lands on the nose. But that doesn't stop Mundy to undress his pants and underpants again, to jumps out of the van and to do next to it his unstoppable business. He would never have made it to a bathroom. Crouched, leaning against his van, Mundy remains in that position while his bowel deflates against his will.
“Oh holy…!!”
“April fools! Ahahahahahahaha!”
Sniper only knows this mischievous laugh too well. Scout jumps out of his hiding place. While holding his stomach while laughing, he keeps a camera on Sniper and films his helpless situation.
“I knew it!! You damned scumbag! If I get ahold of you, I'll gut you!”
“Hahahahaha! Oh, Snipes. You will have to wait awhile.”
“What did you put in the coffee?”
“Laxatives, and my Mad Milk.”
“That was no coffee milk!?!”
“Pfff! No. It would have been boring. So it may be that you have to vomit a bit now and then. But who drinks his own piss, shouldn't matter much. God, that's cool! Finally I got you!”
“What does this mean? I don't drink my - oh god!”
The next load leaves Sniper's butt.
“Actually, I wanted to pour the stuff in the kitchen in the coffee. Had hidden the camera with a lot of effort. And I hit the ball in your direction to lure you out of the kitchen. Didn't think I would hit exactly your cup. That was an awesome extra. I had to pull myself together, not to laugh. Ahahahaha!”
A long, dark mutter from the deepest depths of Mundy's throat is to hear.
Scout knows if the shits is over, he'll chase him. But the boy is not a stupid animal from the bush. Every year the threats are the same. He only has to hide in the first days after April Fools’ Day to wait for the others to calm down. And it doesn’t really take that long. Because no matter how angry the guys can be - they are no resentful for long.
Spy
Aiméric always gets up at the same time. Early at 7. He likes the feeling of being the first in the base that is already up. However, this is not always true. Medic sometimes makes a night of it in his infirmary and always seems so rested. Often the Frenchman wondered how he did it.
His inner alarm makes him wake up. A quick glance at the clock on his bedside table tells him that it's now 7 o'clock.
He swings rested from his bed and heads for his own bathroom. In the mirror, his unsightly self returns his gaze. Ruffled hair, five o'clock shadow...
Time to smarten up.
In his routine Aiméric reaches for his shaving kit. He has already discovered the wet shaving as a young man for himself. These are 7 simple steps.
1. Soaking with warm water
2. Lathering with shaving cream in creamy consistency
3. Shaving with the blade angle of 30 degrees to the skin, the skin is stretched with the free hand
4. Remove the foam residues with cold water
5. Drying the skin
6. Disinfect
7. Put on some lotion
Sounds like a lot, but is done quickly. After all these years, he has become a gifted bar razor. And it always has to be the best of the best. Aiméric spends a lot of money on high-quality shaving equipment. But here at Mann Co., he does not have to pay for it himself. Mann Co. is very worried about his mercenaries, so they only get the best and the latest. Everything was adapted to their needs. If would didn't wait a beautiful woman for him at home, he would settle down here.
Delightfully, he strokes the now stubble-free skin.
“Excellent.”
Next, his teeth are brushed before he niggles his hair. The hair is always quite demanding and Aiméric as well. The bathroom will not leave until every single hair is in place. And that can take time.
The black hair is covered with gel. Also set his special, irrepressible curl. Long ago, he had given up putting it to the other hair. Every time it jumps back to its original position. One of the reasons why Aiméric wears his mask. The look is embarrassing for him. And also that he is already gray at the hairline and the head side. As far as he can tell, Medic is about the same age as he is. He may even be a bit older, but his hair doesn't show any gray tints. Therefore, he suspects that he is coloring his hair. Everyone hides their age in other ways. At a certain age you become vain.
After work, he leaves the bathroom to get dressed. While he ties his tie, his gaze falls on the calendar. Only by chance. He reads that today is the first day of the April, but his brain has to work on this information first before it hit him like a hammer blow.
His whole body is tense and the pulse is accelerating.
April Fools' Day? Today is the April Fools' Day? Again?!?
Aiméric is horrified to think of Scout's last jokes. Last year he had put a crab in his pants (automatically, Spy taps off his clothes), which had so badly pinched his privates that he couldn't wait for Medic's treatment and had therefore given himself a bullet so that the Respawn machine fixes him. And the year before, he had only prepared his cigarettes with crushed chili peppers (he will keep a close eye on his cigarettes today). His eyes had been watering for days. After only one pull!
The lesson is clear - it gets worse from year to year.
What will expect him this year? He will be on guard. So far, the boy shouldn't have hatched anything yet. Scout is never awake in front of him. If it does not matter, he sleeps till all hours. Aiméric doesn't have to worry about anything now. Still, he examines his mask before pulling it over the head.
Everything’s fine.
He's already on his way to the door to have breakfast in the kitchen when his face suddenly starts to itch. At first it's very weak, which is why he hardly noticed, but then it gets stronger and stronger.
Spy stops abruptly, freezes. Then he pulls the mask off his head with a cry and scratches himself everywhere. On the cheeks, chin, neck, back of the neck and head. Everywhere itches unbearably!
Spy runs back to the bathroom to the mirror. His whole face is flushed and he just cannot stop scratching himself. His neatly dressed hair all get mixed up again and his mouth escapes short cries from time to time. And at the same time he thinks that he had been taken in by Scout again. But he barely has time to get angry.
Quickly he splashes water in the face, but it doesn't get better.
“April fools!”
“You little rat…!!”
“Ahahahaha!! You should see your face! Oh, you can do that.”
After this statement, Aiméric finally turns around to Scout, only to look into a camera lens.
Although joking is less painful this year, pride suffers all the more. Being filmed in such a situation is more than humiliating.
“Hahaha! You look like an owl. You can compete with Snipes owl. You are always sitting on his shoulder anyway.”
“Come ‘ere, you…!”
Aiméric reaches for Jeremy, but he evades him cleverly. He couldn't have held him anyway because he needs both hands to scratch.
“What is that?”
“Simple itching powder from rosehips. The classic.”
“Is that the only reason for you to get up early? I'll tell your mother!”
“My Ma don't like snitches. I'll leave you alone now. Today, others still waiting for me to make fun of them. You shouldn’t put in an appearance today. You really look like shit.”
“Scout! Come back!”
Demoman
Tavish is just leaving the training room in a good mood. Until just now he had done some strength training with Heavy. The Russian is just incredible. Lifted the heavy weights as if it were nothing. And no matter how hard the Scot struggles, he is unable to hold a candle to him. But that's fine. He just wants to lift weights for fun and not to compete with Heavy. Such a thing can quickly burden the friendship. And the lads here are really close to him.
He should also call his mom again and tell her about them.
Today is a good day! Nothing and nobody can drag me down.
It's ten o'clock now. Tavish deserved a bottle of delicious rum. He returns to his room and pulls out the box of scrumptious brew under his bed (must be always in handy). He sits down on the bed, the box of ten bottles between his legs, the anticipation big. He rubs his hands and finally reaches for one of the bottles. He grabs it at the bottleneck, and before he can pull it out, the neck breaks. The bottle slips back and breaks completely. The alcohol seeps through the box and spreads out on the carpet under it.
“Aye! What just happened?!?”
Startled, Tavish stares at the broken bottle neck in his hand. Broken. Just because! He hastily reaches for a second one. This also breaks in two. More alcohol on the floor.
“No… No, it cannot be…”
The bottles were untouched and they also have no cracks. But just to be on the safe side, Demo lifts all the bottles out of the box, and just like the first two, they break as well - and the precious alcohol seeps into the carpet.
“Noooo!”
He kicks the box aside, throws himself to the floor and tries to suck as much of the rum out of the carpet as possible.
“Aaarrrghh!”
Demo jumps up, runs out of his room to get to the storeroom. There are heaps of crates of rum. But they all break as well. Each one…
Tavish falls desperately to his knees. That's the devil's work. And only one person can be responsible for that.
“Merasmus, you deviiillll!!”
Tavish has to pull himself together not to cry.
“There is no god…”
“No, but me, the April Fools' Day and a camera.”
“W-what…!?”
Demo turns around to the voice. There's Scout standing in the doorway, holding a camera, a big grin on his face.
“What have you done?” Tavish's voice is shaky. Is it because he is on the verge of a crying fit or because of flash of anger?
“Nothing. Except maybe the real bottles replaced by bottles of sugar glass.”
“Sugar…glass…?”
“Is delicious. Alright, the booze is kaput now, but nibble on the bottles a bit. Is healthier anyway. I mean, everyone knows that alcohol is unhealthy.”
Slowly, Tavish gets up and turns around to the scout.
“How many… times have I told you… to stay away from my rum…”
“Y-you're just so ungrateful.”
The Scot approaches the boy slowly, but menacingly. He shrinks back.
“Think of your kidneys!”
“My kidneys and I are best friends!”
“Pfft! That's what all the alkies say.”
“Come here, you! I'll give you a caning!”
Now Demo attacks Scout. The boy responds with lightning speed, grabs the door, throws it shut and locks it. Tavish bounces against it, almost lifting it off its hinges.
“Open the door!”
“So you can kill me? Forget it!”
Then Scout starts to laugh. That makes Tavish even more angry.
“Stay here for a while to cool off. Oh yeah and... April fool!!”
Soldier
“And 26... and 27... and 28... and 29... and 30!”
Satisfied, Jane stands up, stretching his arms. His white shirt stretches strongly over his well-trained chest muscles. 30 push-ups in the morning are extremely invigorating. But not just that. The morning training also serves the discipline. A soldier without discipline is like a man without honor and pride. Just like the bunch of layabouts and wannabe Americans with whom he spends his time in this base. His team.
He puts on his jacket and brings out his trumpet. It's time for the morning appeal.
But before Soldier leaves his shelter, he must not forget one thing - his helmet. His best friend and protector in the war.
He reaches for the bedpost, where he always hangs his helmet to sleep. But he grasps at nothing.
“What!”
And indeed. His helmet has disappeared. Somebody stole his helmet! As the first suspect Merasmus comes to his mind. This damned sorcerer is trying hard to make life difficult for him. But that's what Jane cares about later. Then he just takes his bucket as a replacement.
Soldier opens his closet, where he had stashed his precious bucket. But this has disappeared, too.
“Noooo!”
Hastily he rushes over to his secret helmet locker, where he keeps all his helmets, which he actually only wears on special days. As for example on the 4th of July. But even this is emptied.
The helmets were still there last night. So they have to be gone overnight. No one else than Merasmus can be considered.
“Damn you, Merasmuuussss!”
The soldier has no choice. He has to find the magician and get his helmets back. This will be revenge with recapture. He needs his helmets! Without a helmet, he can not step in front of his men. What would Jane be an example? In addition, rockets, bombs and hail of bullets can rain at any time.
Completely in a rage, he throws his cot blanket over his head and storms out of his quarters.
Blindly he runs through the corridor, bumping into walls every now and then until he makes it into the garage where Engineer's truck is parked. He jumps in there, turns over the dash key (Engie always leaves the key in because he has complete trust that no one in the team will use his truck unasked, but if Jane explains the situation to him, he'll understand - after all it is about life and death! - for his helmets.) and with roaring bluster he bombs along.
With loud laughter, Scout comes out of his hiding place and films Engineer's truck driving away with a felted ghost behind the wheel.
“Happy April Fools’ Day maggot! Ahahahahaa!”
Of course Scout was responsible for the disappearance of the helmets and the bucket, but that Soldier would blame Merasmus and make his way to him, he would not have expected. That's just awesome! To drive him further insane, he will now lay back all his helmets - right after he smear glue inside them. The guy takes off his helmets anyway only to sleep. If any. Then he shouldn't take them off anymore. Then his hair grows until he looks like a hippie.
Jeremy watches as the tuck begins to lurch.
“Hopefully he don't crash... Well, the Respawn will get him back.”
Pyro
Today is another beautiful day in his colorful wonderland. The candyfloss clouds seem particularly full today, and the lollipops that grow out of the ground, especially delicious.
Oh! There is the pretty, pink Balloonicorn, the mayor of Pyroland, gliding weightlessly through the air.
Full of energy, Pyro waves to him, and the unicorn answers with a wink with a wink.
A wonderful, wonderful day!
But stop! Somebody is missing. Where are all the cute babies in their cute little diapers and with their tiny little wings? It's no fun without them. He misses their sweet little voices. Pyro wants to play with them! Are they hiding from him again? Pyro loves hide and seek games. He is very good at it. He always finds them.
But first he wants to squeeze and hug them. Maybe they come voluntarily out of hiding when he calls them with his rainbow thrower? They love soap bubbles, glitter and rainbows and always listen to the wonderful melody played by the rainbow thrower.
So he takes it in both hands and starts to play. From the golden brass horns the rainbows flow together with glitter bubbles and the melody notes and ascend to the sky. It will not be long before Pyro is surrounded by his little friends.
Disappointed and in a few meters (safe) distance observed Scout Pyro, as this handles with his flame thrower. He had been waiting for this moment. Instead of fire, soap bubbles come out of the strangely shaped metal bar. For Scout, clever as he is, had replaced the Propane Tank of the Flamethrower with a bubble tank that is very similar to the Propane Tank. But the hoped-for reaction of the pyromaniac is unfortunately not happen. He blows the bubbles with such a vigor through the air as he always does with the flames in battle.
“What just wrong with this guy…?”
There are only three explanations for Pyro. Either he is stupid or blind. Or his perception is disturbed.
Does fire always look like soap bubbles to him? Or maybe…!
Maybe Pyro knew that Scout would play a joke on him and now pretends to like it. However, he doesn't look like he's acting. It's also a bit hard to determine it without facial expressions. But if Scout thinks back, then he has responded to his pranks in a similar way. The first time he had put an ax in his bed with fake blood. Pyro had clapped his hands enthusiastically, picked up the ax and held it to his mask (his mouth?). Almost as if he wanted to lick it. Licking like a lollipop... The second time he had put a dead raccoon in his closet (honestly, the cattle were already dead! Were run over on the street, the tire prints were still clearly visible on the body). But instead of frightening, the guy had taken the raccoon and squeezed heartily to his chest. From then on, Scout should have stayed away from Pyro. But he wanted to try it again. One reason was the camera. But instead, he had rather done the team a favor because his prank prevents Pyro to torch something or someone.
“Crap! Note to self… Fooling Pyro is a waste of time.”
“Huddah Huddah!”
“Aaahh!”
Suddenly Pyro is standing in front of him, the flamethrower pointed directly at him. Automatically Scout raises his hands up, the camera falls to the ground. For a tiny moment, he forgets that the flamethrower is no longer dangerous.
Then Pyro activates the tap handle and a bubble storm is blow into Jeremy's face. Bubbles get into his eyes.
“It burns! It burns!!”
“Huddah!”
Behind the mask sounds a childlike laugh, Pyro lifts his flamethrower over his head, his victorious pose. Then he trots off contentedly while Jeremy struggles with his watery eyes.
“April… Fools’ Day… Y-you know…”
Half blind, Scout begins to search for a faucet. He left the camera on the floor. Only later will he find out that when he dropped the camera, that it turned and the lens was pointed at him. It had taped his frightened face.
Engineer
It's early afternoon and Dell walks through the base at a loss. He cannot find his yellow safety helmet. It just disappeared. He cannot have misplaced it? Before going to bed, Engie always puts his helmet on his desk. Always.
Dell seeks and seeks and seeks. He also visits his teammates to ask if they have seen his helmet. Or maybe they borrowed it. But Demo and Soldier are not in their rooms. Just like Scout. And he cannot find them anywhere else. Even Sniper is not in his van. When he knocks on Spy's door, he's there, but he doesn't want to see anyone.
On his further search, Engineer meets Pyro, who happily plays as a child with his flamethrower that shoot soap bubbles. Dell is surprised.
“Hey, Buddy.”
When Pyro notices him, he dashed at him and sprays him the soapy contents in the face. Luckily Engineer wears his goggles.
“Hahaha! Okay, okay, I give up! Do you have a new toy?”
“Huddah!”
“Ahahaha! Alright. Say, you didn't saw anybody from the team, do you?”
“Huddah.” Pyro makes special hand gestures and Dell thinks he knows what his friend tells him.
“Hide and seek? They play hide and seek?”
Joyfully Pyro nods his head and claps enthusiastically into his hands.
“Ahaha! Okay then! Good luck, Buddy.”
And with that the pyromaniac goes on.
Dell sighs. Pyro doesn't know where the others are either. So he keeps looking. He can determine where Pyro was already. Because the air there smells like soap.
When he comes near the kitchen, he hears sounds from there. Engineer finds Heavy, making a sandwich.
“Hello, Big Guy.”
Heavy looks up. “Oh, hi!”
“You are making food?”
“Da! Want Engineer also Sandwich?”
“No thanks. I'm going to make bacon afterwards. Say, did you see my helmet? I cannot find it anywhere.”
“No. Do you lose it?”
“Not really… It’s just isn't there anymore. Well, maybe I left it in my truck. Although I'm actually sure that I always put my helmet on my desk when I go to sleep.”
“Engineer and Heavy are already old.”
“Hahaha! You're right, Buddy. At our age something like that can happen. Say, you didn't met the others yet, didn't you? Apart from Pyro and now you, no one crossed my path today.”
“Heavy had training with Demoman this morning and then was visiting Medic.”
“I guess Medic wasn't outside of his infirmary yet today?”
Heavy shakes his head.
“I see. Enjoy your sandwich.”
“Da. Thank you.”
Dell leaves Heavy alone and sets off for the garage, where he always parks his truck. His heart stops in fright when he realizes that his valuable truck has disappeared, too!
“Damnit… Damnit! Who the hell…? Aarrghh! How many times have I told them to keep their hands off my truck? Argh!”
Angrily, Dell stomps back to his workshop.
“Dag nabbit naggit daggit damn… Hm?“
When he reaches his workshop, he notices that the door is open a crack. He is sure that he had closed the door completely. Someone was in his private area during his absence.
That's enough! From now on, I will lock up everything. My truck and my workshop! Can't I trust anyone from this team?
Angry and disappointed, he opens the door to his workshop completely. Shortly thereafter it rattles above him and suddenly he is spilled with black color. But that's not all. His toolbox and its contents crash down on Engineer, landing on his unprotected head. And finally, it gets dark around him as the bucket makes his head disappear. Like frozen Dell stands there. His brain is trying to explain what's going on. But the pain preempts him.
Scout jumps out of his hiding place. Laughing, he holds the camera aimed at Engie, who stands motionless in the doorway, jet-black.
“Paint bucket over the door. Still a classic. What do we learn? Always wear your safety helmet. Because safety comes first.” Scout puts on Engineer's helmet “Isn't it, pally?”
“………” Engineer doesn't move. With the bucket on his head (Soldier's bucket!), Jeremy cannot help but laugh again.
“Hey, hardhelm. April-“
Then he falls over and remains lying motionless on the ground.
“-fools…”
It gets quiet in the workshop.
“…………”
Jeremy nudges Dell with one foot. No reaction.
Shit. I think he’s dead… God, the guys here just can't take anything.
“Well, the Respawn will fix him.”
Heavy
Heavy is on his way to the kitchen to eat a sandwich. There is always a supply in the fridge. Nevertheless, it is always used up quickly, although only Heavy is the one in the team who eats it. And sometimes Scout. But only to annoy Heavy. But he's not around right now.
Medic always prepares the sandwiches. The Russian is not sure what he always does with them, but when Heavy eats them, his powers come back and his wounds heal. He is very grateful to the doctor, but he would never ask him what his secret of sandwich preparation is. But is that really important?
Heavy is in a good mood today. This morning he had been doing strength training with Demoman. The Scot is strong. He can compete with Heavy in many ways. But at the 150-kilo weight he had to pass. It's fun to lift weights with friends. This solidifies the cohesion and trains the team spirit.
When the Russian opens the fridge, he does not find the sandwich immediately. He's looking around for a bit. He discovers a bucket of chicken. Scouts favorite. A piece of paper hangs on the bucket, on which is written:
Don’t touch!
Pff! Who wants to eat that?
No matter how long Heavy searches, he cannot find a sandwich. He was half an hour ago with Medic, who had assured him that there is one more. Then he has to make one himself. Since this is the first time he's making a sandwich, Heavy has to forge a bit in the kitchen to find the bread and the toothpicks. Everything else he finds in the fridge.
He spreads everything on the wide kitchen counter. White bread, tomatoes, lettuce, ham, olives, cheese and mayonnaise. Everything is there. But what is the order? He had never paid attention to it.
“Hmmm…”
“Hello, Big Guy.”
Heavy looks up. Engineer stand suddenly in the kitchen.
“Oh, hi.”
“You are making food?”
“Da! Want Engineer also Sandwich?”
“No thanks. I'm going to make bacon afterwards. Say, did you see my helmet? I cannot find it anywhere.”
“No. Do you lose it?”
“Not really… It’s just isn't there anymore. Well, maybe I left it in my truck. Although I'm actually sure that I always put my helmet on my desk when I go to sleep.”
“Engineer and Heavy are already old.”
“Hahaha! You're right, Buddy. At our age something like that can happen. Say, you didn't met the others yet, didn't you? Apart from Pyro and now you, no one crossed my path today.”
“Heavy had training with Demoman this morning and then was visiting Medic.”
“I guess Medic wasn't outside of his infirmary yet today?”
Heavy shakes his head.
“I see. Enjoy your sandwich.”
“Da. Thank you.”
After Engineer left, Heavy returns to his unfinished sandwich. How does he start now? Maybe the order doesn't matter at all? Anyway. Like Medic does, Heavy will not be able to do it in the same way anyway. And it's only this one time. The main thing is, it tastes good.
So he takes a slice of white bread and garnish it with lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and ham. Last comes the mayonnaise. Heavy opens the glass and dips a spoon deep into the white matter. He pauses before he spreads it on the hams. Something about the mayonnaise is suspicious…
He smells at it. But the smell is normal. He looks closer and discovers little morsels. When Heavy looks closer, he realizes that they are white. So they belong in the mayonnaise? Is this maybe even a new recipe?
After a moment's hesitation, he finally spreads a spoonful on the ham. Everything will be correct. After all, all the food comes from Mann Co. And nobody has more interest in their welfare than the company.
Full of anticipation, Heavy places the second slice of bread on the first and cuts the sandwich across. And for the grand finale, he spears an olive on two toothpicks and places them in the middle of the two sandwich halves.
Heavy rubs his hands with relish. His sandwich doesn't necessarily look like Medic's, but for now it will serve its purpose.
Then he bites into it. Heavy closes his eyes as the comforting taste flatters the tongue and palate. One of the morsels of the mayonnaise gets between his teeth and gets bitten. It quasi bursts and tastes sweet and fruity. A real culinary treat.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I can’t believe it! You really eat it!”
Suddenly Scout is standing in the kitchen, a camera pointing at Heavy.
Heavy's mood drops and in a bad mood he growls: “What does little man want?”
“Oh, nothing special... But I have a question. How do the maggots taste?”
The Russian pauses.
“What maggots?”
“In the mayonnaise.”
Now Heavy lowers the sandwich slowly.
“I plundered Soldier's maggot farm and put some of them into the mayonnaise. To get you to make a sandwich, I took doc's sandwich from the fridge.” Scout brings out a sandwich and starts eating it.
“Mmmhh~ So delicious and free of maggots.”
Heavy's eyebrows furiously tighten and he begins to build himself up.
“Play it cool! Maggots are very albuminous. I even did you a favor with it.”
The tall Russian slowly approaches Scout, which makes him take a few steps backwards.
“I will crush you!”
“Geez, you’re so thankless.”
“Ggrrrrh!”
“I mean… April fool!”
And with that, the scout runs away. But Heavy will not let him get away. Angrily, he runs after him, but soon loses sight of the younger man.
Grumpy, he returns to the kitchen. Just to make sure there are really maggots in the mayonnaise. He had bitten something, but was that really a maggot? Maybe Scout had just said so, to annoy him. As so often.
Again, Heavy dives into the mayonnaise with his spoon and tries to fish out as many morsels as possible. Then he looks again closer. And indeed, one of the them begins to move, writhing back and forth.
Disgusted, Heavy drops the spoon and moves away from the kitchen counter.
“I said, there are maggots in there” sounds the boy's voice behind him. “I'm not a liar” Scout complains almost indignantly and takes a big bite from the sandwich from the fridge.
“……………”
“……………”
With a furious outcry, Heavy storms at the boy and another chase begins.
Medic
It's early evening when Medic walks in the corridor in a good mood and even whistling (an almost given up habit). His goal is the storeroom. The food for his doves has gone out and in the storage room countless sacks of birdseed are stored. Hopefully his babies will behave as long as they are alone.
The whole day was so peaceful today. Normally, the others always come to his infirmary every ten minutes so he takes care of their booboo. But the only visit Medic received today was Heavy's. They had chatted nicely with each other. It would be nice if it were always like this.
When he reaches the storeroom, Medic is surprised to see that the door was locked from the outside. It’s never locked. Why should it anyway?
Shrugging, the doctor pushes the bolt back and opens the door. The strong smell of alcohol blows against him. As he enters the room, he almost stumbles over Demoman, who, apparently drunk, lies on the floor in a large pile of fragments and puddles of alcohol.
“Was zum..? Tavish? What are you doing here?”
The Scot slurs something incomprehensible.
“Did you looted all the alcohol? And half of it spilled... It looks like in the pigpen.”
*snore*
“Demoman!”
“Eh? Wha??”
“Wake up! What happened? Are you already here for the whole day?”
Only now does the Scot seem to realize Medic's presence. With the greatest effort, he looks up at him. That he is there now seems to trigger something in Demo.
“??? ??? ???!!”
“Um… I didn’t understand a word. Try again.”
Suddenly, Tavish grabs Medic's pant leg and pulls himself over to him. He almost loses his balance.
“??? ??? ??? ???!!!”
That makes no sense. Tavish just slurs too hard when the Medic could understand anything.
“Let it be. I don't understand you. Show me your body. You must have cuts everywhere.”
Mr. Ludwig pulls Tavish's top up but he cannot see anything. And besides, the Scot is now beginning to articulate wildly with his arms.
“Hold still! Hmm… No injuries. You have more luck than judgement, you know?”
Now Demo is very quiet, he seems almost resigned. Then he takes a piece of broken glass and puts it in his mouth.
“What are you doing?!?” Medic slaps Tavish on the back of the head, but instead of spitting the shard out he bites on it - and finally swallows it down.
Medic is stunned! Demoman is often drunk, but never so much that he harms himself. Immediately, he casts a look into Demo's throat. But something is not right... There are no injuries.
The doctor picks up one of the shards and looks at it. No man in the world can bite a shard and then swallow it down unscathed, no matter how drunk he is.
He licks it once - and is astonished.
“That’s sugar glass… Hmmm…”
Sugar glass and a locked door. Medic is unable to make head of it.
“Who can be responsible for this?”
*snore*
“……………”
The best thing to do in such a situation is just to leave him here. Medic has something more important to do anyway. Namely to feed his doves.
The birdseed is in the back of the room. He takes a bag, steps over the sleeping (unconscious?) Demoman and goes back to the infirmary.
He sighs.
And the day went so well…
When he enters his work and private area, he immediately notices how his doves are all sitting together on the floor in one place. They seem to surround something. Curious, Medic comes closer to look at it. His babies rise and flutter back to their seats on the wall. Only one dove remains on the ground - lying motionless on the back. The wings spread, the legs cocked.
“………!!”
An impenetrable rigidity travels through Medics body. He drops the food bag to the ground - his eyes fixed on his dove.
“A-archimedes…?”
Medic falls down on his knees next to his dove.
“How… how could that…happen…? I was only gone… for a short time.”
When he left, Archimedes was still alive. Nothing had suggested that he felt ill. Nothing! And now he lies dead before him, died without his owner was with him. That's the worst part. Archimedes died alone, without Medics warmth.
He carefully takes the dove in the palm of his hand, stroking a finger over his white tummy. Archimedes had always liked that.
Then he rests on his little head with one finger and gently presses him against his forehead.
“Archimedes… Archimedes… Oh Gott…“
For a moment Medic forgets that he is a doctor. A doctor who could save - could bring back- his beloved animal.
He closes his eyes to feel Archimedes more intense.
“I will never leave you alone again…“
„April fool!“
Medic flinchs in shock and stares wide-eyed at Scout, who suddenly jumped out from behind a closet. With a big grin he holds a camera aimed at him.
Medic is completely perplexed. His brain has not understood yet what's going on. That's why he keeps staring at the boy while he makes fun of him.
“Actually, I had hoped that you would show a little more emotion and kiss your dove, for example, or something like that. A bit disappointing.”
Is the scout really saying that while Medic is holding his dead favorite dove in his hands? Did he kill Archimedes? Only for an April Fools’ joke?
The mouth of the German opens, but no sound comes out. Nothing in his body seems to work anymore. But deep inside, something awakens. Something dark.
But before it takes complete possession of him, life returns to the dove. Archimedes flaps his wings vigorously and looks expectantly at his owner with his button eyes, turning his head on the side.
Again, a wave of surprise and confusion rushes over Medic and he stares at his dove with the same size of eyes as he did with Scout before.
“Archi…medes…?”
“Coo~”
“Although I don't understand the dove language, but I bet he said: April fool! Ahahaha! Oh yeah, kidding old people is a lot of fun. Thanks for your help, pally.”
“Coo~”
“…………”
“Hey, Doc… You’re okay? It was just a joke. You know that, right?”
“…………”
“Um… Medic? Hey, dude!”
Medic doesn't budge an inch. Scout touches him gently on the shoulder. With lightning speed, Medic grabs his wrist and presses hard. So firm that soon Scout can hardly feel his hand. Archimedes flutters frightened on his seat on the ceiling.
Only very slowly does the doctor turn his head, his face twisted in anger. Then he straightens up, still gripping tightly Scout's wrist, which is already desperately trying to break free.
“That was just a joke! Just a joke!”
Medic doesn't answer. That makes it worse for Jeremy. Usually, Medic enjoys this facial expression, but anger suppresses any positive feeling.
Oh yes, Scout looks like he's about to pee himself. And that brings Medic on a diabolical idea.
He lets go of the runner. Immediately he moves away from him, rubbing his sore wrist.
“Geez! You are such a humorless old deutschbag!”
And with these words Scout leaves the infirmary.
Medic takes a deep breath and then turns to his dove. He looks up at Archimedes, his forefinger uplifted admonished.
“Archimedes, I am so disappointed by you.”
“Coo…”
“How can you worry your dad just like that? I will never forgive you.”
Medic turns away and crosses his arms. Archimedes flutters on his shoulder and snuggles into his cheek apologetically.
“Nein!” Medic shoos him away with one hand.
But the dove stays keep at it. Archimedes knows exactly how to be an operator with his papa. So he clings to his collar and looks up at him with his button eyes. Medic turns his head to the side, but he still sees him in the corner of his eye, no matter how far he turns his head. Medic is getting uneasy.
“Coo…”
“…………”
Now Archimedes begins nibbling Medics neck with his beak. His papa is ticklish there.
“S-stop it…!”
But Archimedes won't stop.
“A-hahahaa! Okay, okay. Schon gut.”
Medic takes his dove on the finger.
“Ach, how could I be angry with you at all?” He touches Archimedes' head gently with his forehead and the dove is cooing contentedly.
“But this scout! I'll never forgive him! He has gone too far with this prank this time. I will give him what for! He will learn what happens when he tries to fool me. And he will wish he had never been born.”
The doctor notices the camera on the floor. Scout must have dropped it when he grabbed him by the wrist. He picks it up and looks at the recordings.
When Medic wakes up in the morning, the cold had penetrated his bones. Presumably, he had been woken up by that, even though he was embedded in thick hay. But the barn has cracks and holes in its wooden walls that let in the cold air. At night it’s unbearable.
He looks around for his dove. Archimedes sits on a crossbeam above him and watches over his owner. He had fluffed up and looks like a big plush ball.
“Guten Morgen, Archimedes.”
Hans' voice draws the attention of his dove and it flutters down to him and settles on his shoulder to rub against his cheek.
“I know it's cold. You're not used to that anymore, are you?”
“Coo~”
“Maybe we should move to a state where it's always warm. Or are we too soft? Years of desert sun probably spoiled us too much. Or what do you mean?”
“Coo~”
“Hahaha.”
“Are you talking with your dove again?”
Hans' homeless roommate is just climbing the ladder up to their sleeping place. He hadn't noticed that he was not there at all.
“Ah, Ben. Good Morning. Are you always awake so early?”
“Of course. I never sleep long during the winter. The risk of freezing is far too great.”
“Well, I don't want to take your hay from you.”
“You are my guest. So you get the most hay. Besides, you are driving again today. Then I have everything for myself again.”
A smile flash over Hans' face.
“Tell me, does your dove understand you? Or is that just a matter of habituation? When you live alone, you start to talk to all kinds of things.”
“Alone I was only in my childhood. And yes... I think Archimedes understands me. More or less. I definitely understand him.”
“Is that so?”
“Oh yes.”
“How does this work?”
“Well, there is no particular trick behind it. I have him for so long. The more time you spend with someone, the better ... the better you understand him...”
Hans has to swallow a big lump when he realizes how homesickness spreads in him. Homesick for his family, deep in the desert. In the other world…
“Then you are something like a pigeon breeder? So hobby-wise? Heard that these people should have a very intimate relationship with their animals. I wish I had a pet. Then I wouldn't feel so alone.”
“Are here no stray animals here?”
“In this town? Not at all. As you already know, this city is not very animal-loving. Here live smaller animals, such as birds and squirrels. Maybe cats or goldfish are kept in some houses.”
“…... would you like to have a house here?”
“As I said, this is my home town. No matter how cold people are here. Not for all the money in the world I would want to live somewhere else.”
“I see. Where have you been by the way?”
“Just outside to do a few warm up exercises. I do that every morning. Warm me up in the fresh air after a cold night. This is life. You cannot understand that, eh? I didn't mean to mention that, but you've appear very affluent on me since the first moment. But now I know that you are a doctor.”
“Well, now that I'm away from my old job, I don't earn any more money and so I'm more or less destitute.”
“Such a comedown can happen very quickly.”
“It wasn't a comedown. It's just... My past caught up with me. I made only one mistake, and that cost me my old life.”
The only mistake I made was that I ignored Friedrich's thoroughness. I should have known he made a copy of Mann Co.'s letter. I would have had to turn his whole office upside down. I maneuvered myself into this situation. It's all my fault.
“You seem depressed right now. I'm sorry if I said something wrong.”
“It's not your fault. Only mine. I have to rearrange my life. But that's not easy when people treat me that way.”
“Don't forget that you have many fellow sufferers. Like me, for example.”
“Yes, thanks… Ach, I should go now.”
“Do you really want to go now? Wait for the afternoon train.”
“No, I want to go now. The sooner the better. You have helped me a lot. Thank you for this.”
“The nearest town is one and a half days away. So you don't have to worry about a night place. But if you want to take the morning train, we should go now.”
Hans rubs the grit out of his eyes. Without water, it's a bit difficult.
“If you want to wash up, use the snow outside.”
“………”
“Don’t worry, it’s white.”
“I'm not afraid of foreign body fluids. It's just ... That just reminded me of someone.”
“Coo~”
“What did he say?”
“Oh, Archimedes just wants to comfort me.” Hans strokes his dove's head. “I don't know what I would do without him, now that I have no one left."
“Times can change.”
“The same goes for you.”
“My life doesn’t have to change. I’m really happy as it is now.”
Hans nods.
“Let's go. In ten minutes the train arrives.”
“Alright. Come on, get into your cage, Archimedes.”
He opens the birdcage and the dove flies in. He notices the grin on Ben's face.
“I still can't believe it” he says, shaking his head and climb down the ladder. “Throw down your suitcase. I will catch it.”
Ben skilful catches it, so Hans has a free hand to hold the cage and climb down the ladder.
“Hmm... For having to start a new life, you really have little luggage. The suitcase is not even half as heavy as it looks.”
“Heavy… Well, I'm just not a big friend of weighing tons luggage.”
“I can understand that.”
Hans pulls his jacket closer around the body before he divest Ben the suitcase and they step out of the barn. It's snowing again. The whole sky is gray. Just like yesterday too. It's really time for Hans to move on before Archimedes is getting sick. Hans himself already feels a little sickly.
His thoughts want to digress back to his old life. He can only prevent this with great difficulty. The time heals wounds. At some point he will not think about this Team anymore.
Maybe every now and then. But then these memories will be nothing more than faded, meaningless images without any meaning. Hans can hardly wait for this time. But he is afraid of dreams. The last two nights were dreamless. But eventually they will come. Them, Hans fears the most.
The streets are dead. Silence lies over the city. The only thing that can be heard are the crunching sounds that Hans and his companion make when they walk across the snow.
“Beautiful, isn't it? This silence, this white and the almost invisible fog. Almost like a dream. I love the winter.”
“That's why you always get up so early?”
“Yes. Then it is as if the city belongs to me alone. But that's only in winter. In spring and summer people are more active. Also in the early morning. I don't feel well in these seasons.”
“What about autumn?”
“Hmm... autumn is a mix between winter and summer. Warm and cold. This season, I use to adjust myself. What do you like?”
“Rain. I like the rain. Therefore, autumn is my favorite season.”
Especially with lightning and thunder to expedite certain experiments. But that's all past now...
“And then you choose a life in the desert? As far as I know, it rarely rains there.”
“There are several reasons for this. Anyway, it was not a wrong decision.”
“Well, in life, something changes again and again. And now it's time again to start a new section. Be glad that you get the autumn back. Unless you want to live in a desert again. There are more than enough of them in this country.”
“No... no, I think a desert as a place of residence is out of the question for me no more. Well, I guess, I'm already too old for my former job anyway.”
“Do you think so? Doctors can still practice their profession in old age. That is, as long as they feel fit. And you still seem to be very fit.”
“Haha... Thank you. And um... would you like to be treated by a doctor who doesn't have a license to practice?”
“You mean a license to heal? I'm not picky.”
“Nice to hear.”
“Besides, I think that these people have a certain amount of knowledge about medicine, otherwise they wouldn't decide for that kind of job. License aside.”
That's how Hans met Ben. Completely optimistic. And that for a homeless man. It's almost a shame he has to leave this good man behind in this stuffy little town.
When they pass the main square, some townspeople bustle in front of a large building.
“What is that?”
“This is the house of the mayor.”
“Standing every day so many people in front of his house?”
“No, not really. Only if there is something to complain about. And I have the unfair feeling that you are the reason.”
“My presence got about quickly.”
“In a town like this, everything spreads faster than wildfire, which scares people here.”
“Do no harm…”
“What?”
“This is written on the bust of Hippocrates.”
“I'm sorry. But I don't understand that much.”
“No problem. What I'm trying to say is that I've become a doctor to help people. Of course, you have to make a few sacrifices now and then, but that happens after all for the good of humanity and in the name of science.” Hans sighs sadly. “I miss the good old days of lobotomy. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to do it once. Which of course doesn't mean that I cannot do it anyway, hehe.”
“There he is!”
“Hmm?!”
The cluster of people is suddenly moving toward Hans and Ben. Led by a small, fat man with a walrus moustache and a small cylinder on his bald head. Two meters from Hans, he and his followers come to a halt. Apparently they don't dare get any closer.
“Hello, Mr… German?”
“…my name is Hans Ludwig Freud.” Hans knows that he has to be patient with these people, but that greeting is already giving him a bad mood.
“Okay, Hantz Lutwik Fruit.”
“………”
“My name is Benjamin Loire. I am the mayor of this small town.”
“And what can I do for you?”
“I really do not want to be rude, but...” The man in his mid-forties tugs nervously at his sash. “I have to ask you to leave this town.”
When the mayor said that, he takes half a step backwards, while trying to look Hans in the eye self-confidently.
Hans stays silent. Of course he should tell them that he is on his way to the train station, but he has just come up with a devilish idea. The people here really seem to be afraid of him. Why not take advantage of it?
Hans puts down his suitcase and cage on the floor and takes a step towards the townspeople, on his face forms a malicious smile.
“Why should I oblige?”
It's clear to see how the mayor has to swallow a big lump.
“B-because, because err…”
“Because what?”
Loire winces. The people behind him, too. They seem to say and do everything the mayor says and does. And if he's afraid of someone, then they are also afraid.
“Heh! Why should I go? I like it here. I want to settle here.”
“But you can not stay here! You are a… German.”
“Hmpf! I didn't know you need qualifications for an American town to live in. And I've never seen a sign that says I'm not welcome here.”
“Our town is small and is hardly noticed. We never thought that just a German would get lost here. And that you would make common cause with a German I would have thought like never!”
The words of the mayor addressed to Ben are sharp. But old Ben remains unimpressed.
“You don't care what I do. But as soon as I welcome a stranger, you notice me again?”
“He is not just any stranger! He is a-“
“Enough! Bad enough that there doesn't seem to be any hospitality in this town. But treating someone like that from your own ranks is disgusting! I come from a place where everyone treated the other with decency and respect. Well, at least that's how it was most of the time... You don't care that someone born in this city has no home. Did you ever offer shelter to him? Do you donate food to him every now and then? Do you share your clothes with him so that he doesn't have to freeze in the winter?”
The people stay silent.
“I anticipated as much. I always thought that people, especially in small towns, take care of each other. After all, these are the places where everyone knows everyone. This man…” Hans puts a hand on Ben's shoulder. “He was the only one who welcomed me. He shared his food with me, although it was not much. Despite his position, he always had a smile on his face. And although he keeps telling me that he is as happy with his life as it is, I still know that he, too, has certain desires that he, as a homeless person, cannot afford.”
Oh mein Gott… What am I talking about? Is that me? Or am I losing my mind? I want back home!
“Be that as it may. Anyway, I'll stay here. And I'm sure we'll all get along very well, hehe.”
Hans' devilish grin returns and the people move together closer intimidated.
The former mercenary doesn't feel well with it. He would have liked to leave finally.
But after this fuss, I cannot just go now. But whatever. Then this is just my new home. It's not that bad either. The repellent behavior of the people is very annoying, but after a few weeks they have become used to me. Maybe I should run for a post as mayor, no, as a god! Then I can shape this town and the people to my will. Muhahahahaha!! But first I need a job and a roof over my head.
Hans claps his hands. “So, which house is still empty?”
People stare at him with wide eyes. Wondering, Hans turns to Ben. He, too, looks at him with almost as big eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“A-OK! But... If you really want to live here and win the trust of people to be voted as mayor, you should keep your diabolical laugh for yourself. Well, nevertheless, you already have my vote.”
Ben knocks him friendly on the back.
“Wherefrom...? Oh... I probably spoke my thoughts aloud.”
“Loud and clear.”
How uncomfortable.
“Pah! As if a German could carry the office of a mayor! And that in America.” The little mayor suddenly becomes very courageous. “This is my town! And I will not let a megalomaniac madman take control! And you will not get a house here either!”
“I have money.”
“We do not want your Nazi Gold!”
“My… my what?!?”
Hans takes another step towards the mayor and his community. Immediately they make two steps backwards.
“I said money, not gold. So much is this city not worth it anyway. Apart from that, you are the only Nazis here!”
A startled murmur goes through the crowds. The people are genuinely shocked.
“You are trying my patience. You should beg me on knee to stay here with you. I have medical knowledge that you can only dream of. You could learn a lot from me. I could turn this dozily town into a medical metropolis. You need to deal it. You are too cut off from the outside world. I know exactly how it is...”
Hans looks deeply into the mayor's eyes. Fear and insecurity are reflected in them. And Hans realizes one thing - no matter how great the fear of him is, the hatred for Germans is even greater. Only over his dead body he would let Hans live in this city, much less give up his office.
The reencounter with Friedrich was probably inevitable. But couldn't that have lasted a few more years? At least until World War II is no longer so present in the world.
23 years doesn't seem to be long enough.
An engine howls and suddenly a vehicle is driven into the main square. A van. Hans recognizes it immediately.
“Sniper…?!”
The van drives through the crowd. The people are running and screaming, disperse.
Hans' heart beats like a steam-hammer. But not because people were almost caught by the car, but because he hopes that Mundy came here to pick him up and bring him back home.
But something is wrong... Mundy drives like a beginner. Suddenly, Archimedes is cooing loudly in his cage.
“What the…?”
The Van comes slithering in front of Hans to a halt. It's only a few centimeters between him and the vehicle.
He stares in disbelief through the windshield, where a yellow eagle-eye pair is facing him.
The driver's door flies open and a black dog jumps out, runs up to Hans and grabs his coat with its teeth to pull him into the van.
It's one of Friedrich's Dobermann dogs. He doesn't have a good feeling
“L-let me go!”
The eagle and a macaw also leave the car and grab his suitcase and Archimedes' cage.
“Hey!”
Hans can't oppose against the forces of the Doberman and he already stands with one leg in the Van. He hardly finds words when he sees all the animals in the driver's cab. The predator bird, the robin, a... squirrel?
How did these animals drive the van? Is that even real? Can he trust his eyes? Maybe he is still sleeping? Or is he in a coma? Did the train have an accident? Is he half frozen in the snow? Anyway. Sniper will blame him in all three cases.
“You have already mentioned this sniper several times.”
Hans grits his teeth. Did he always thought aloud? Anyway, the others in Base never mentioned it.
“Um…” Hans turns to Ben. “Sniper… is just a nickname. For the eagle.”
“Is this a traveling circus?”
“No… They are here to bring me back home.”
“Home? Back to the desert?”
“Yes.” Hans can only suppress a jubilation with difficulty. He is so happy to see these animals. From today, he will look at them with completely different eyes. The mercenaries must miss him so much that they sent their animals to bring him home!
But that's what makes him suspicious. Had not Mundy said that he would come in person and pick him up? Apart from that, he would never allow animals to drive his beloved Van.
So maybe they are not here because they want him back, but because something happened!
It was clear that there would be trouble with Friedrich…
Hans looks at Ben startled. But this time, his thoughts don't seem to have left his mouth.
“You lived with animals all these years?”
“May I introduce? My family.”
“………”Suddenly Ben starts to laugh. “No wonder you behave like a madman. If a person lives among with animals for years, you just has to lose your common sense.”
“You think I'm a madman?”
Ben puts a hand on Hans' shoulder. “I do. But that's what makes you so likeable. We are not so different. I'm not at my best anymore, too. I'll miss you. But tell me... was that really serious that you wanted to stay here?”
“Yes, but I have to say that I was a bit worried that they would hunt me with torches and pitchforks. You know, in Germany I was born in a little old town. They are comparable to small towns like this one. I didn't live on the street, but I was a misfit anyway. And everywhere hung torches and pitchforks on the exterior walls. You have to know, my hometown has an interesting past.”
“But it was never used, right?”
“It was. Once. Because I had... Oh, never mind. Anyway, people were happy to rid of me. At least I suspect that.”
“But this shouldn't be an advice to leave here?”
“No no. But on the contrary. If people abhor you so much, you should stay more than ever. But you don't have to do that on the street.”
“Hmm?”
“Where is my suitcase?”
The eagle had dropped the suitcase in the footwell of the passenger seat. Hans gets it out there and opens it.
“That's for you, my friend. For your generosity and hospitality.”
Hans fetches several thick bundles of money out and presses them into the hand of the speechless Ben.
“That's $ 500,000. I know people like you think nothing of that, but I'd like you to accept it. Because that's my way to say thank you.”
“………”
Ben stares spellbound at the money in his hands. With a big smile, Hans slaps on his shoulder.
“Buy a nice house and a pet. Decent clothes and shaving kit. And then run for mayor.”
“W-what…?”
“Yes, I relinquish this office to you. Me as mayor? Ha! I am glad that this is spared me. But you're a good guy. You could make something out of this town. You know, hospitable. Maybe you'll get tourists or something like that. I'll come visit you in a few years. Then I want to see something, alright? If not, I will demand my money back, understood?”
“Err… wow. I… I just don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Just let action speak.”
The Dobermann pulls on Hans’ jacket.
“I have to leave now.” He climbs in the van to the animals, closes the door and leans slightly out of the open window. “Take care, my friend.”
“So you return to the place where skin color and origin don't matter? How are these things play a role when it’s about animals?”
“Haha! Well, animals are easier to handle than humans. Anyway. That's where I belong. For me as a German the outerworld is no place. Not yet.”
“Good luck out there.”
“I have to wish you good luck.”
Suddenly the Van jumps forward when the Dobermann throws itself on the gas pedal and the small town rushes past Hans. He presses deep into the driver's seat.
His eyes move from one animal to another. The dog operates the gas and the eagle the steering wheel.
“What is going on here?”
Hans feels like a kidnap victim...
He looks to the side. The robin sits on Archimedes' cage and cheeps loudly. Archimedes looks at Hans with his black button eyes, asks him to open the cage door. He does it. The dove immediately jumps out and cuddles up to the robin. The macaw jumps towards them and greets Archimedes with a light touch of his beak to his dove's and they begin to chatter. Almost as if they were talking.
“…………”
“There they are! There they are!” Robin shouts excitedly and points with his small wing to a small crowd on a large square. “Archimedes and Medic!”
Dante accelerates the Van and Compatriot steers it directly into the crowd.
“Do you want to run someone over, you crazy bird?”
“They'll get out of the way if they want to live on” the bald eagle answers relaxed.
The people jump screaming out of the way and run away in panic.
Dante jumps on the brakes to prevent worse. Only a few inches, they come to a stand in front of Medic.
“See? All went well.”
“Stupid poultry…”
“Let’s get them!”
Compatriot and Dante leave the Van.
Aberdeen notes that the snake has disappeared. “Hey, where are you, snake?”
“I’m here.” The snake looks out from under the driver's seat.
“What are you doing down there?”
“I'm hiding.”
“Why?”
“I had already told you once that people, at the sssight of mine, ssstarting to kick, to beat or jussst run away ssscreaming.”
“Yes, but not Medic. You've been hiding in vain all these years for nothing, lad. Our Mercs don't even fear death. So how should they be afraid of you?”
“Maybe you are right. But for now I will ssstay down here.”
“Whatever you say.”
Compatriot carries the cage of Archimedes in the Van, after he had already stowed the suitcase in the footwell of the passenger seat. He drops the cage on the passenger seat.
“Archimedes!” Robin squeezes his little head between the thin cage bars.
“Robin, you’re here, too!”
“Da! I thought I will never see you again. Sorry that I did not say goodbye to you. I was so desperate... You are my best friend.”
“It’s okay, little friend.”
“Are you going to stay with me forever now?”
“I don’t know… Why are you here at all? Did something happen or did you just miss us?”
“Yes! Something terrible has happened!”
“I will tell her!”
“…her?” Robin lays his head on the side.
At the same moment, Dante tugs Medic into the Van. He closes the door and the animals hope he starts right now. But they wait in vain. Hans talks to an older, dirty man.
“Who are those old geezers?” asks the squirrel. Only then does Archimedes notice the new member.
“The handsome man is my owner and the other was our host. And you are?”
“I'm your new teammate. I'm faster than the wind, smarter than any creature in the world and more beautiful than a snow-white wedding dove on a bouquet of red roses.”
“...which one of you left the window open?”
“I didn't sneak in! The feathered knuckleheads here have to make amend something! After all, they almost ran me over and even wanted to eat me!”
“Who wanted to eat you? Compatriot or the dog?”
“The snake!”
“Snake?”
At the same moment, the reptile stretches its head out of its hiding place.
“Nice to sssee you, Archimedesss.”
“You are here, too?”
“Isss that a problem?”
“Not at all. I’m glad to see you.”
“Thank you very much. Sss….”
“What amazes me is that this dog is with you.”
“Dante is very nice. She came with us to help us.”
“What happened?”
“We don't have time for that now, Maggot! Stubby tail, step on the gas! The two don't even stop talking!”
The Dobermann operates the gas and Compatriot swings back onto the steering wheel and with a loud squeak the Van races off. The Medic is pushed into the seat. He looks quite confused and skeptical as he watches Compatriot and the Dobermann driving. Archimedes feels sorry for him. She would like to tell him what's going on. But even she has no information yet.
He looks in her direction as Robin begins to cheep. He had sat down on the cage to ask Hans to open the cage door. Archimedes helps with her gaze and he understands. He opens the door and Archimedes settles next to Robin, whereupon he immediately cuddles up to her. She raises her wing and puts it gently on the robin.
Aberdeen sits down next to the cage and he and Archimedes greet each other with a touch of their beaks.
“Good to have you back, lad.”
“You look as good as always, Aberdeen.”
“I like to return the compliment.”
After driving a short distance, Dante stops the Van and turns to Hans. He sits on the seat with legs apart, so that the dog has space in the footwell. You can see that he fears the Dobermann could bite him at any moment in the crotch.
“Why have we stopped?”
“Sir Hootsalot is injured! Medic has to help him!”
“He is here, too? Where?”
“Down here!” the snake hisses in alarm.
Aberdeen, Archimedes, Robin and Compatriot fly into the footwell of the passenger seat and look under it. The owl lies motionless in the shadow of the seat. The healthy wing is firmly pressed against the body, while the injured wing hangs limp on the ground.
“How did he come down there?”
“He hasss to feel ssso badly that he hasss hid himssself away.”
“But… animals with such injuries only hide themself away to… die...” the robin gasps.
“What happened?”
“His wing is broken. Do you think Medic can manage that?”
“For sure! There's nothing my dad cannot do. Dante, right?”
Archimedes turns to the Dobermann. The dog gives a good account of herself to prove the dove that she is peaceful. The last meeting of the two was not so peaceful. Dante is a little ashamed of that.
“Yes.”
“Do you think you could bring him out without hurting him?”
“You want me to do that? Do you trust me?”
“Well, everyone else seems to trust you, so you have my trust too.”
“Thank you.”
The big dog squash herself past Medic's leg, whereupon he squeezes his legs tight, glad, to have the Dobermann no longer between them.
Dante puts her head under the seat and takes the tail feathers carefully between the teeth. Slowly she pulls out the big bird under the seat. Sir Hootsalot still doesn't move.
Robin is scared. “Is…is he dead?”
Now Dante takes the owl by the neck and lifts him up. Carefully, she puts him down on Medic’s lap.
Petrified, he stares down at the bird.
“What the…? This is Sniper's owl...” Carefully he takes the seemingly injured animal in the hands.
Archimedes flutters on the knee of her owner.
“Coo~ Coooo~”
“What? The wing is broken? And it also has a fever? Oh no…”
In the eyes of her dad blazes the hot-blooded fire of the Medic he has always been. He pushes the cage aside, takes off his coat, carefully wraps up the owl in it and places it on the passenger seat. Then he puts his hands on the steering wheel, depresses the gas pedal fully with his foot and they are racing through the city.
“Where does he want to go now?”
“Trust him” begs Archimedes.
After a few meters they stop in front of a larger building.
“Where are we?”
“That’s the hospital.”
Medic opens the car door, picks up the owl and gets out.
“Dante, accompany him!”
“Why?”
“They will try to stop my Papa. You have to help him.”
“Understood!”
The Dobermann jumps out of the Van and follows Medic.
“Why should they try to stop him?”
“It's obvious! The patient is an animal, and they are not an animal hospital, Maggot!”
“You always know everything better, or, lad?”
“That's not it” Archimedes answers sadly. “These people here don't like my Papa. They think he is something, but what he isn't. I'm so glad we're leaving. But now explain to me what happened.”
“I would like to know that too.”
“Ssshut up, rodent. Thisss isss none of your businesss. When all thisss isss over, we'll cassst you adrift anyway.”
The snake peeks out from under the seat and gazes with her yellow eyes at the squirrel, which has made himself comfortable on the headrest of the driver's seat.
“Well, I want to see that. You will not get rid of me anymore.”
“Listen, Archimedes. Sniper, Spy and the new Medic were kidnapped!”
Hans hurries towards the hospital. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices something black. He stops and looks down in wonderment. It's the Dobermann who follows him. The animal looks up to him, expecting. Hans feels uncomfortable with Friedrich's dog, but at the same time he feels as if it wants to help him.
What is going on with these animals...?
Despite all confusion, Hans bethinks of the essentials again. Namely, to treat this owl as soon as possible. And nothing and no one will stop him!
Determined, he enters the building through the double door. The woman at the desk (Mrs. Kelly?) makes a startled face as she recognizes him. It was exactly the same scared face when she learned that Hans was actually a German. A face as if she must be terrified of him. At the beginning she was so nice...
Hans rushes past her. Somewhere in this building there must be a lab or a storeroom where he finds everything necessary to help the animal. Something to splint the broken wing and a homeopathic remedy for the fever. Maybe he even has to operate the owl.
“S-stop! You just can’t…!” Kelly calls after him but Hans has already disappeared through the next double door. She doesn’t run after him but she will left no stone unturned for sure to stop him.
With a quick step Hans hurries through the wide corridor, right and left doors with labels. Mundy's owl doesn't move. Hans is not sure if it's still alive... Is there a defibrillator in this wannabe hospital? What you use for a human cannot be bad for an animal.
At the very end of the corridor, a sign points out to the lab. It has to be right around the next corner.
“Freeze!”
A doctor obstructs him. Hans recognizes him immediately. It's Mr. Burnsfield. The man who claimed that there is no place for Hans in this hospital. But he is not alone. Another man, presumably also a doctor, goes to his rescue.
But that's no reason for the thoroughbred Medic to stop. And if he has to break through the two! He already holds a protective hand over the injured animal, but fortunately it doesn't have to come this far. The Dobermann sprints forward and growls and barks.
Startled, Burnsfield and his colleague retreat. The dog pushes the two out of Hans' way and holds them in place. Watch out with bared teeth that they are not getting too close to Hans. It gives the impression of a wild beast.
“A wrong move and my Dobermann will rip you apart. You know that a Dobermann is a German dog breed, right? And since you're such smart men, you know, of course, that everything that comes from Germany is dangerous. Therefore, you should take my warning seriously.”
With a schadenfroh laugh Hans continues his way to the lab. Finally he can do his job.
The lab is behind a normal, white door. Usually such areas are strictly secured by titanium doors and a numeric code. But this door is not even locked. Once again Hans realizes how lucky he is not to have to work here. All this is below his level. Far, far below his level...
I should stay fair. After all, this is a small town, cut off from civilization. These people probably knows Metropolitan crime only from books. The doors here don't have to be locked. Almost like in Rottenburg...
The lab is small and lucid, but it contains everything Hans needs to handle the owl, and he sees it with just one glance. An operation on the bird would have been nice, but there isn't enough time for that, so a conservative method must be used.
Hans places the owl on the counter and carefully palpates the injured wing.
“Ah ja… Don’t worry, my winged friend. Soon you are as good as new.”
Luckily Hans doesn't have to dig through the cupboards. Everything he needs is already at hand. The damaged bone must be returned to its proper anatomical position. Of course, since he cannot use human splints, Medic quickly grabs a wooden clipboard nearby and breaks it in half. The two halves are just the right size for the big wings of the owl. After that is done, he grabs a small bandage role and carries everything to the animal. He rolls off one meter of the bandages, puts the two wooden halves on the broken wing and fastens them with the white bandage.
“So, that should hold. And now…”
On the wall in the back of the laboratory hangs a small cupboard with a sliding glass window. The content - small, brown vials of various pharmaceuticals for injecting.
Not even that is locked…
Already through the glass window Hans discovers the vial with the inscription Metamizole.
He takes it enthusiastically in the hand.
“Metamizole. You can even use that with animals. Perfect! Hmm?”
Shouting is heard in the corridor outside, but the Dobermann makes for loud barking and threatening growl for instant silence.
I should hurry up.
Hans hurries back to the bird, grabs a syringe lying loose around, fills it with the metamizole and injects it into the bird's neck.
“Now we can only wait…”
He picks up the owl wrapped in his jacket and leaves the lab. In the corridor are now three people who are guarded by the dog. Mrs. Kelly had arrived. Probably to check what happens here and was promptly taken hostage by the Dobermann. Just like her male colleagues. Presumably the screaming came from her, startled by the big and threatening-looking dog. All three are pressed close to each other against the wall and hardly dare to breathe. A picture that would normally make Hans burst out laughing, but the patient in his arms needs urgent rest.
“Thank you for letting me use your laboratory. I found what I needed. Then I don't want to harass you any longer with my presence and that of my animals. Auf Wiedersehen~ Bei Fuß!”
And indeed, the Dobermann reacts to his command and together they leave the hospital and return to the Van.
Hans places the owl carefully on the passenger seat. The Dobermann finds its place in the footwell of the passenger seat.
When Hans finally sits back in the car, a weight is lifted from his mind. But suddenly Archimedes lunges at him, clawing at his shirt as he beats his wings wildly.
“Was ist los, Archimedes?”
“Coo~! Cooo~!”
“Hmm…!? What?!? Spy, Sniper and Friedrich were kidnapped? By Gray Mann? At least that's a guess?”
“Coo~!”
“My goodness. How could that happen? Well, that would explain this situation.”
Hans looks at the animals. “Okay then! Off to Gray Mann's headquarter! Hehe! I cannot wait to see Friedrich's stupid face when I come to free him. Then he will owe me something.”
He owes me my job as a mercenary of the class of the Medic and that he quickly goes back to Germany or anywhere else.
But Hans knows better. Neither he, nor Friedrich can decide about it. Only the Administrator. And her words were more than clear. Whether mercenary or not. He feels responsible for his former colleagues. And he would always come to rescue them. Even if he have to travel to the end of the world for that.
“Haha… Nun, that was very cheesy.” Hans notices the eyes of the animals on him. “Well. Here we go!”
Team Fortress 2
When Spy comes to himself, he feels absolutely whacked. Even before he opens his eyes, he feels that strong pain in his back, as if he had remained in one and the same position for hours.
He automatically tries to push his back, but notices that he can barely move.
His eyes open and a gray wall stares at him.
“What the…?” slips out of his mouth and then he already feels the ropes, which are tightly wrapped around his wrists and upper body. Even at the ankles he was tied up. They are furthermore tied to the legs of the chair he was placed on.
Double hedging. Somebody wanted to play it safe. And then, the memories come back.
“Merde… I’m too old for this nonsense.”
“Finally awake, Spook?”
“What?”
The voice behind him makes Spy turn his head. Like a lightning strike, the pain runs up from his back into his neck.
“Damn it! Ahh…”
“Rusty?”
“Just shut up, Bushman! And after all, you were the first one to be overwhelmed. I kept up at least for so long that I could find out who we owe our kidnapping to.”
“I would like to finally have an explanation, too!”
“Our dear docteur is also awake.”
Spy turns his head (carefully) in the other direction. As far as he can tell, their chairs are standing back to back. Then he starts to take a closer look at his surroundings. A small, colorless, empty room that probably has never been used. Till this day.
“Hmph! Such a big headquarter, and our lounge is a shithole.”
“Honhon! You are a Bushman. You should be used to that. Wait a moment. So you know where we are? Did they mention Gray Mann to you, too?”
“Nah. But who else should be interested in kidnapping us?”
“Pah! You seem to be awake in quite a spell. You ‘ad plenty of time to think about it. Because you're not quick-witted.”
“Oh, make yourself invisible, Spook.”
“Unfortunately, I lost my watch.”
“Could someone finally explain to me what's going on here? We are tied up here, not knowing what is going to happen to us, and you have nothing better to do than to dis each other! What is wrong with you?”
“Oh, right. You didn't ‘ad the pleasure with Gray Mann yet.”
“Who is that?”
“A phenomenon that does itself the ‘onor every now and then.”
“So that has happened often?”
“Well, he attacked us once or twice. But that he kidnaps one of us is new. That means the wanker is planning something new. Maybe he even kidnapped the whole team.”
“I don't think so. There were three of them and one of them was a ‘ulk, but they would ‘ave a tough time with Heavy. No, no. I think, only we came into the firing line of Gray Mann. The support team.”
“Why us?”
“Just as I know Gray Mann, ‘e's already paying us a visit and telling us ‘is plan. We just ‘ave to wait.”
“Wait? How about we try to free ourselves?”
“Docteur, sometimes it's just better to stay calm and to let the opponent make their move.”
“Apart from this, you're really the last person who should complain, Doc. After all, you absolutely wanted to take over Hans' job.”
“It was planned from the beginning that I work as a Medic! I am your Medic! Still, it would have been helpful for me to have taught that we have more enemies than the BLU team! There was nothing in the contract about that!”
“Why should it? As Spook had so well formulated, Gray Mann is a phenomenon. Also, the Mann Co. contract is from the time before Gray Mann showed up with his robots.”
“Robots? What robots?”
“Yess~ Robots built after our image.”
“Our dead ringer.”
“…what?!”
“The robots look like us. They are designed to resemble us in everything, but are ten times stronger than we are.”
“Maybe you're lucky and he's rebuilding the Medic robot in your own image. That's a certain honor.”
“I ‘ardly believe that. I don't think Gray Mann knows we ‘ave a new medic right now. And even if, I don't think ‘e'll make that effort. ‘e's already old and building robots is a tough job now.”
“I think I am losing my mind. Whenever I come in contact with Hans, something happens. This guy is a walking jinx. How much trouble have I had with him in the past? And now that!”
“Sounds almost like you want to quit this job.”
“I have to defeat your hope. I will stay.”
“Don't blame Hans for all your failures, Docteur. If you are 'onest, you 'ave contributed a certain amount to it.”
“What do you mean?”
“’e told us everything before ‘e left. ‘e told us ‘ow you caught ‘im by doing one of his experiments. You threatened to report ‘im to the university administration. You both knew that would ‘ave meant the end for ‘im. If you ‘ad left it at that, Hans wouldn’t ‘ave ‘ad to take revenge on you.”
“Leave it at that? He had removed the skeleton from a living person! It was my duty to report this! Hans is crazy and a danger to humanity! I would have never forgive me for letting this man set onto patients!”
“You are very responsible. But Hans, too. Okay, his methods may be a bit stubborn. But he has always kept us alive. He even got me back from the dead once.”
“And now you just sit in this mess because you thought you must taking what you deserved. If you stayed at ‘ome, it wouldn’t ‘appen to you now.”
“There is even a word for it. Karma.”
Friedrich sighs resignedly.
“Apparently I am the only normal person in this damned desert. Nobody sees what a maniac Hans is. But on the contrary. He is even being protected. That is not normal here.”
“You seem to forget that you are now a mercenary. We ‘ave different rules.”
“Yes…”
Aimeric had heard a certain tone in Friedrich's voice. This man is easily overwhelmed. But he tries not to show it. He is still cold and distant.
Suddenly, a deafening squeak echoes through the small room. Aimeric bites his teeth tightly, his eyes tight as he tries not to let the aching sound penetrate too deep into his pinna.
Now even headaches are spreading.
“I already imagined that you are already awake. Damned mercenaries…”
Aimeric has the door in his back, but he doesn't have to see their visitor. He immediately recognizes the old, scratchy voice.
Gray Mann comes with his wheelchair driven into the room.
“Now comes the part in which the villain reveals his plans?” Mundy sneers.
“Pfah... As disrespectful and loudmouthed as ever. I do not think I have to explain my plans to you.”
“It's always the same. You're trying to kill us to get Mann Co. We know this. What we don't understand is why you let kidnaped us.”
“I have changed my plans slightly.” While Gray Mann is talking to them, he drives slowly counterclockwise around his prisoners and stops by Friedrich. With a scrutinizing look at the new Medic, he answers monotonously: “And you too, apparently. What did you do with your old medic? Do you have two now? It would be annoying to have missed one of the support team.”
“That sounds like you see us as the greatest danger.”
“I do. Support... What would we humans be without it? Without support, our goals were unequaled. I need my robots to support me to destroy your brood. Helena needs the support of the mercenaries to defend Mann Co. And both the offensive and the defensive needs support. In other words - you.”
“So you really think that we were the reason for your previous defeats?”
“Not the only reason, but the main reason. You are hard to grasp during the fighting. But that's no wonder. Because you are cowards.” Again Gray Mann circles them, slowly, with a smug smile on his wrinkled face. “Snipers. You can safely attack from a distance while crouching safely and hidden in your hiding place, far away from the battlefield.”
Mundy makes a puffing sound.
“Spies. With your small, sophisticated toys, you could either make yourself invisible or imitate the enemy. You're sneaking from behind to stab your opponent in the back. You do everything to win. But woe, you have to face your enemy eye to eye. Then you also like to make yourself invisible. Hehe...”
“…………”
“Medics…” Again, Gray Mann comes to a stop in front of Friedrich. “You heal, you revive. You stand at the front, but you don't fight. You are doing everything to keep your allies alive. But also to stay alive yourself. And for that you hide behind your healing subjects. Use them as human shields. And should your healing target die, you're just looking for a new one to use it as a shield as well. Everyone should be hit by bullets and missiles, the main thing, you will be spared. You are like parasites. So, the question is... who of you is the biggest coward?”
“I hide behind someone?” Friedrich replies suddenly. “Preferably behind this Russian, right? Pah! I am not hiding. Never.”
“I don't care who you are or why you now the medic in this team. But you chose a bad time to ally with Helena. Because soon you will die. You all will die.”
“Do you suffer from amnesia? We can't die just like that” Mundy growls.
“Ahahaha! Of course, I haven't forgotten your respawn machine. How should I? It's after all an invention of my stupid brothers. They are long dead, but still I curse them for it. With the mercenaries now having to fight without their precious support team, it will be a lot easier to get to the core of the respawn and destroy it. And with it you too.”
“I think you underestimate the offensive and defensive. Just because we are no longer, doesn't mean that they will lose.”
“We will see about that. We'll see... My robots are already on the way to your base with the transport tank. When it's over, I'll personally give you a bullet in the head. I hope Helena will enjoy the show as much as I will. Farewell, mercenaries. Oh, and ... don't try to escape. Outside this door a nasty surprise would await. And you are unarmed. Please don't take the fun from me of killing you personally.”
And so the old man leaves the room, the door behind him closes automatically (again with a deafening squeak).
“How dare he call me a coward? The job as a sniper is noble and connected with concentration and responsibility!”
“I understand you. I also didn't like ‘ow he vilified my profession.”
“He was right about you, Spook. Your spies are really cowardly and devious. Bloody Spoies.”
“…I will remember that.”
“Could we focus on getting us out of here?” Friedrich spits.
“You sound irritated, Docteur.”
“I am! I am reluctant let me kill idly.”
“We will get out of ‘ere.”
“And how can you be so sure about that?”
“Because we are the mercenaries of Mann Co.”
Scout is shocked when he learns that Medic is gay. When he tells him during a conversation that Scout is not his type anyway, the runner feels challenged. He is a sex bomb and no one can resist him. Not even Medic. And so he begins with the art of seduction
Art of seduction
“Pants down.”
“D-does this really have to be?”
“This is not your first time.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Don't make always such a fuss! Pants down.”
“Can I first-“
“No! The hell, Scout!”
The boy flinches at Medics's angry voice. He is standing in front of the older man in his underpants, but he simply cannot expose himself in front of him. Of course, it's nonsense to be ashamed of a doctor. This is as natural as... as...
… … … … …
Scout cannot come up with an idea. Medic sighs loudly.
“Always the same with all of you... Come to my infirmary, cry around, you need my help and then you behave like chaste virgins when it comes to undress. I thought you'd hurt your penis. Then it's probably in your interest that I look at it.”
“I just didn't hurt it... I broke it!”
Medic laughs loudly.
“I doubt that. If so, you would not be standing in front of me now. How was that supposed to happen?”
“………”
“What?”
“I er... have my... baseball bat bound to my... penis...”
“Speak louder, Bengel.”
Scouts face turns completely red. He clenches his hands into fists and pinches his eyes tightly shut as the embarrassing confession bubbles out of his mouth.
“Iboundmybaseballbattomypenis! …okay? When it was…erected.”
Medic looks at him for a moment; and then breaks out into laughter.
“Why did you do that? Did you want to push it up? Or measure it?”
“Yeah… Don’t know…”
Medic wipes the tears from his face, his laugh just die away slowly.
Offended Scout crosses his arms in front of his chest.
“Get finished already.”
“I'm sorry Scout, but this is your own fault. How do you get such ideas? You should think that as a mercenary you don't have the time to get on such puberty thoughts. And that your penis cannot hold the heavy bat even in the erect condition, you should have known this. But what I always say; you never stop learning.”
“Yeah, yeah…”
“So, and now pants down. I want to take a look at it.”
But again Scout hesitates.
“Scout, I'm your team doctor. Your closest confidant. In this room, I am your best friend and what happens in here, remains here. Showing me your intimate area is completely natural. As natural as if your mother sees you naked.”
The runner gets red again, his eyes widen in horror.
“You don't do it any better, Doc!”
“Come on. Make an effort. Now I just look at it. But as soon as you come in a certain age, you also need a prostate examination.”
“What is that?”
“I push a finger into your anus and examine tension of the sphincter, mucous membrane of the rectum, and size and condition of the prostate.”
The horror is written in Scouts' face.
“Are you also doing this with the others? Are you gay?”
Medic is aghast.
“First: yes, I do it with the others. Second: this has nothing to do with homosexuality.”
“Hmm... And er... how do the others find that? I mean... how do they react when you insert... your finger... in there...?”
“That is different. Some of them make a fuss, for others it's not a problem. Spy, for example, enjoys the palpate. And Demoman had even ejaculated.”
“Why?!?”
“When the prostate is touched, a man is sexually stimulated. Didn't you know that? Well, you're still a virgin. So that’s alright.”
“I’m not a virgin!”
“Sex dolls don't count.”
Scout gasps.
“W-where did you know this?!”
“………”
“I-I mean… That’s not true!”
“Anyway. Even if that were true, you are still a virgin. A person is always virginal in two ways. Only when you has made experience with both sexes you has lost your innocence.”
“…but… homosexuality is not normal.”
“Why?”
“Well...”
Scout tries desperately to find a reason. Medic can only shake his head.
“I am 30 years older than you. I have seen and experienced a lot. I was also young.”
“I can’t believe that.”
“Believe it. If I have learned one thing about humans, then that they are excellent guinea pigs and that they are nothing but animals. And what is more natural than nature?”
“What do you mean? Animals don't do any homosexual activities.”
“Oh yes. They do.”
“You’re kiddin’ me.”
“Not at all. In addition, there are species of animals in which the males bear the offspring.”
“How is that supposed to work?”
“Nature is a mystery. In humans there is even relactation in men.”
“And what is that?”
“The production of milk.”
“………”
Scout doesn't understand. But Medic disabuse him gladly.
“Men can breast-feed.”
Scouts jaws open up. He stares at Medic with wide eyes and a disbelieving glance.
“Well, it gets better. There are even men who can become pregnant. However, they have a certain prehistory. Well, that's another story. Scout?”
“I think… I have to lie down…” The boy is leaning with an arm on the operating table beside him.
“Now don't make such a fuss. If all these things are possible, then it is only natural. Thanks to science, we have this knowledge. Be grateful for that. We live in a progressive age.”
“Well, I don’t know if I should be happy about it... But I think you are only scaring me.”
“Believe what you want. But now pants down!”
Medic grabs Scout's boxer short and pulls it with a jerk from his hips.
“Aaaahhhh! Doc! What the hell!?“
“Was that so hard now?”
The boy turns his crimson head aside, staring rigidly at the wall.
“Hmm…” Medic straightened his glasses. “It doesn't look particularly hurt. Are you still in pain?”
“…no.”
“Are you sure?”
“Cannot you just take your beam gun and straighten it?”
“Why should my Medigun be used when you have no pain?”
“………”
“You know, she cannot make it bigger.”
Scout facepalm himself. He pulls up the boxer short in no time at all, graby his clothes and whispers excitedly:
“Forget it. It was not so bad after all…”
And so he storms out of the infirmary.
“This Bengel…”
On the same evening, Medic and Heavy play chess in the common room. Scout and Pyro sit a few meters on the old couch and watch TV on the small apparatus.
Scout looks at the TV with his eyes, but his ears are with Medic and Heavy.
On the chessboard are only three game figures. Medic's White King and Pawn are blocked by Heavy's Black King. There is neither a forward nor a backward.
“I can't believe it... For many years I've been playing chess, but I've never had a stalemate. Very good, Heavy. You are getting better and better” praises Medic his friend.
“Thank you, Doktor.”
“Are you finished already? It took a long time" gripes Scout, without taking the view from the TV.
“Do you wanted to play, too?”
“No? I’m not a grandpa after all.”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“Chess is an old people game.”
Now the runner looks to the two who look at him with raised eyebrows.
“As you may suppose, Bengel.”
“Hmpf!”
Engineer enters the room and announces that the dinner is ready.
On the way to the dinner room, Medic is taken aside by Spy.
“At a word, Medic?”
“Of course.”
“Is everything alright, Doktor?”
“Yes. Go ahead, Heavy. We'll come right away.”
“You too, Scout.”
“Why? Do you have secrets?”
“Immediately” Spy orders.
The runner twisted annoyed his eyes and follows Heavy, towards the dining room
When they are out of sight, Spy clears his throat.
“What can I do for you, my friend?”
“Jeremy was with you in the infirmary today.”
“Yes, he was. And?”
“Well, after visiting you ‘e was kind of different. Slightly distracted. Uncertain.”
“I can very well imagine that.”
“You didn't get too close to ‘im, did you?”
For a moment, Medic looks at Spy skeptically.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I um…”
“You think I would throw myself at your son? Is that what you want to tell me?”
“Docteur, I…”
“Do you want to explain to me that just because I'm homosexual, I make a pass at your son? That I consider him as fresh meat? Do you really want to give me credit that? I don't need to lay hands on a 30 years younger boy. Especially if it is the son of one of you. Sure I have my needs. You know very well that I call then for Heavy or Demo. Do you understand? Men.”
Spy massages his temples.
“I’m really sorry Docteur. I didn't want to ascribe you anything like that. It's just... I'm just feeling as if Jeremy is constantly searching for your proximity.”
“And what do you conclude from it? That he might have fallen in love with me? I can imagine how he would react, if he should find out that I am gay. Since I can hardly imagine that he himself feels so. However, there are many people who pretend to be heterosexual, but inwardly wanting to become intimate with one's own gender. Is this what you fear?”
“Of course not! I would be even proud of ‘im if he was gay. But I just don't want him to be intimate with someone who is so much older than ‘imself.”
Medic sighs and puts a hand on Spy's shoulder. He even makes a smile.
“Spy, as for that, you don't have to worry. I would never put a hand on him. For me, he is something like a son. He is the common son of this team. Our nestling. Besides, I'm the doctor. I don't want you any harm. This also applies to Scout.”
Now Spy also smiles. It is a relieved smile.
“I'm sorry Docteur. I should ‘ave known better.”
“It's okay. He is your son. With this behavior, you prove that you love him and are concerned about him. You're a good father.”
“Merci. But tell me, why was he so distracted after his visit with you?”
“I told him only a few sobering things. I brought him the reality a little closer. Can you believe that? He didn't even know that there is relactation in men.”
“I don't want to know ‘ow you came to this topic.”
After the dinner, Medic takes Heavy's hand and both go to the infirmary. There is Medic's bedroom.
In front of the double door, Medic presses Heavy against the wall and kisses him hot-blooded.
The Russian accedes with just as much enthusiastic.
“So it is okay for you?” asks Medic and strokes his fingertips over Heavy’s crotch, where a clear bump is already palpable.
“Da, Doktor…”
Heavy grabs Medics buttocks with his big hands and pulls the doctor closer to him and then they kissing passionately.
“What the hell is that crap?”
Suddenly, Scout stands in front of them and looks at them with eyes wide.
The boy is aghast.
“Wait, what? You are gay?!”
Medic sighs.
“Scout, you can grin stupidly or make a disgusted face, but please do me a favor and don't say a word.”
“…no homo, bro.”
“I knew it…”
With his hands raised Scout backs off, until he has gone around the corner.
Medic sighs again.
“Scout is silly baby. Does Doktor still is be up for sex?”
“But sure, Heavy. Let's go to my bedroom.”
Sure Medic still wants to sleep with Heavy, but he will not be able to prevent him from ever thinking that where Scout saw it now, that it would be hard with him in the future.
And indeed Scout avoids him the next day. He does not talk to him and he does not look at him either. He also does the same with Heavy.
When they sit together for lunch at the dining table, exactly what Medic had thought happens.
“Hey, guys. Did you actually know that Medic and Heavy are faggots?”
It becomes quiet at the table. Only Soldier says: “I knew it!”
But the others don’t go into it.
“Have you nothing to say?”
“We know that Medic is queer.”
“What?! You know it? And you just tolerate that?”
“There's nothing to it” says Engineer.
“So you're probably gay too? Are you all gay, or what?”
“Shut up!” Spy orders in the stern tone. “We are a team. That's all that counts. And if that a problem for you, then go back to your mama.”
“………”
“Grow up!”
“Pah…! Great Team…”
Medic hears all this quietly. He likes the boy and he does not want anything between them. But it all depends entirely on Scout.
“Medic and Heavy are miserable fags. I can't be bothered.”
Scout gets up from the table and leaves the room.
The rest of the team eats on, as if nothing had happened. However, no one says a word anymore until they finish their meal.
Med would prefer talking to Scout, but he decides that it would be better to leave the boy alone for a while. Some things just get back on their own. And that he would react so, was indeed foreseeable. But Medic did not want implicate Heavy in there. Only because of Scout, Medic had secretly met alternately with Heavy and Demoman, to get intimate with each other.
Secretly, so this cannot happen.
At least Demo is not dragged in.
All day long the runner doesn't put in an appearance. But in the evening both meet in the corridor. Scout seems to be on his way to the toilet and Medic is on his way to the infirmary. Scout looks straight ahead, wants to avoid any eye contact as much as possible. But as they walk past each other, he hears the younger one says:
“No homo.”
Medic is clear that he would say this to Heavy every time, too. And the native German does not want to accept this. He whirls around to Scout, grabs him by the arm and drags him into the infirmary against his will.
“Let me go! No homo! NO HOMO! Help! Rape!”
“I've had enough!”
Medic drags him through the double door and pushes the boy to the center of the room and plants himself in front of Scout, his arms akimbo.
“Now listen to me, you Bengel. I don’t care the way you call me. But dare you to do that with Heavy. He can do nothing for my inclination. He is not homosexual.”
“Are you kiddin’ me? He was making out with you!”
“I sleep with men because I like it. And Heavy gets himself into it because he is a man and also has his needs. After all, there are no women here. It's for us both only sex without any feelings. It often happens that heterosexuals sleep together. In prisons and in the army especially frequently.”
“How can they live with it? I mean the heteros?”
“As I said. It's just sex. Except for a few differences, there are no deviations from the male and female body.”
“I would never do such a thing!”
“You don't have to. Everyone decides for himself.”
“………”
“You know, it does not matter to me how you're doing it for you now. But I'll tell you one thing. If you don't stop treating Heavy differently than before, then you'll have big trouble with me. And believe me. It will not be fun.”
“You cannot ask me to accept that after I just learned this yesterday. God! You saw me naked! Hasn't that aroused you?”
“You have no choice but to accept it. Otherwise you must go back to your mother. And no. Your naked body did not really aroused me.”
“………”
“People who react like you are afraid of being tease by people like me. If this is your fear, I can take it from you. You're not my type, and you're too young.”
“What do you mean, I'm not your type?”
Medic gives the boy a skeptical look.
“Hey! Don't understand it wrong! I am not gay! But... I'm sexy. I'm a sex bomb!”
“Who told you this?”
“………”
“Go now. I have to work. And remember what I told you.”
Without a word Scout leaves the infirmary. Shocked, distracted... but also indignant.
What did he mean, I'm not his type? I always thought gays would like all men. I am also a man! A good looking man. A sex bomb! Oh, wait, old man. I'm going to turn your head. Not aroused by my naked body. Pah!
Straight ahead, the runner makes his way to the library. Actually, he wanted to get ready for the bed, because he was quite down. But now he has a task. A mission. The mission to seduce the old man (but not because he is gay, but to prove that homosexuals like all men.) And there will surely be a guidebook.
The library contains about 150 to 200 books. Books, about battles and strategies. Medical books (Scout can remember how Spy had once asked Medic why these medical books are not in the infirmary so that the German always has them at hand when he needs them, and Medic replied that he did don't need them, he has all the knowledge in his head, and they only stand in the library, so that others can always get a look there, but they are quite bored and somecontain really nauseating pictures.) And some adventure books are also there , novels with romantic and uncanny content. Books about technology and plants.
Many different books, but none about seduction. Who actually decided which books mercenaries read and which not? Well, surely no one has come to the idea that under the Mercs once homosexual acts would take place.
The next morning, Scout wakes up very early. He feels a squeeze in his back and pulls out a book under himself. At first he cannot explain what it is and how it came into his bed. But then he remembered. He was in the library late yesterday night and had been looking for a book about seduction. And actually found one (Who'd have thought that?)
Immediately the boy is light-headed and flick through the sites hastily. Yesterday he was too tired for it.
The thin book is divided into 7 chapters.
“Hmm… Chapter 1… Don’t be pitiful. What does that mean? I'm not pitiful. I can skip this chapter.”
When Scout wants to go to the second chapter, he pauses briefly. Memories awaken in him. Memories, where he had cried and called for his Ma. And everyone saw him. Even Medic.
Is this the reason why he doesn't find him appealing?
Below the first chapter is written:
To appear needy and seduce someone close each other out. The more desperate you are, the less attractive you are to others. Even if you feel helpless, don't give in to this feeling. If you want to seduce a special person, try to show careless behavior. Show yourself a little light-hearted: do something risky or unexpected, so you remain a little mysterious.
“Well, that should not be too difficult. But what can I do that is risky and unexpected at the same time?”
“Scout? Are you smoking?”
In the corridor, Medic meets Scout, who is leaning against the wall and loosely holds a cigarette in his mouth corner, the hands in the pockets.
“Oh, hey Doc. *cough*”
With all his might, the boy does not try to cough. It's the first time he smokes and he hates it. But if he can impress Medic with it, it's worth it. But he doesn't look very enthusiastic. On the contrary. He pulls the cigarette out his mouth.
“Since when do you smoke? Smoking is risky and I'm surprised that you start now with it.”
“So that came unexpectedly for you? *Cough*”
“Yes, indeed.”
“Then that's the right thing. *Cough cough*” Scout takes Medic the cigarette away and put it back in the mouth.
“What the…?! Give it back!” Medic takes Scout the cigarette away again. “No smoking here!”
“There you are, you little thief!”
Sudden, Spy stands next to the two and takes Medic the cigarette away. “Keep away from my cigarette case in the future!” He puts the cancer stick into his mouth, but Medic does not want to accept it, either. He also takes away the cigarette from the Frenchman.
“That applies to you, too! No smoking here! I've told you a thousand times!”
Scout observes the situation. He couldn't impressed Medic, but he is not depressed at all, because he is able to see how Spy is scolded by Medic.
Chapter two: Relax
The more you feel comfortable, the better the other person will feel in your presence, and the more receptive he/she will be to your seduction.
“I should relax? Nothing easier than that.”
Scout grabs his baseball bat and goes outside to hit a few balls. This is what relaxes him most. And then everything else pass him. Also, where he hits his 13th ball. Directly to the window of the infirmary. The ball hits the windowpane with a loud clash. The runner froze.
For a moment, time seems to stand still. Then…
“SCOUT!”
Chapter three: Be in high spirits
Smile. Touch. Be silly. People like to have a good time, so do not be too serious. Have fun with the person. Enjoy the time. People with a relaxed attitude are more attractive. Humor is another important aspect of your personality that plays a role in how attractive you are to others. Be able to laugh at yourself. Show that you cannot take quite serious criticism with a smile. Because if you are teasing other people (and you should, because exuberance is attractive), then you should be able to take a joke, too.
“Hmm… Humor is indeed a part of my personality. And I also like to stultify others.”
Scout pay a visit to the warehouse, where the team keeps all their hats and grab the one that looks the most ridiculous. The potassium cap, a large banana-shaped hat and out it on. Then he detects Medic in the common room, where he and Heavy play chess again.
Scout creeps up on Medic from behind. They don't notice him because they are deeply absorbed in their game.
“Surprise!”
He loops Medic from behind an arm around his shoulder and pressed his cheek to the doctor's. He was just about to make a move and with shock he sweeped two chess pieces from the board.
“Hello there, fagots. Hey, Doc. Have you ever noticed that you have ears like an elf? Hahahaha! So spiky. You only need an elf costume and you are qualify as an elf. Hahahahaha!!”
Cloudy glances rest on the boy.
“H-hey! That was just a joke! Just fun, just fun!”
“What do you want, you Bengel?”
“Nothing special. Just wanted to check out what you are doing here.”
Scout solidifies his embrace. But instead of feeling attracted, Medic seems rather irritated.
“We are playing chess…”
“I see.”
Silentness prevails between the three.
“…um… don't want you say something to me?”
“Da! Why is Scout still here?”
“No, I mean... Don’t want you to insult me... or something like that?”
Medic and Heavy exchange glances.
“Why should you want that? Has this something to do with your headdress?”
“I want to prove to you that I can also laugh about myself.”
“Oh? Normally, you always laugh about others. I hardly believe that you have the certain maturity to be able to take a joke.”
“Oh, c’mon! Just try it!”
“Leetle Scout is small, stupid and cheeky.”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s me.”
“You're messy, loud, annoying.”
“Well, what am I to say?”
“Scout has buckteeth.”
“………!”
“And although you are almost 23 years old, you are still not out of your pubertal behavior. Is that not embarrassing to you?”
“……….”
Scout has to admit that he feels a bit offended. And he feels dumb. Probably he is not ready yet. Next chapter...
But before he goes back to his room, he mumbled a sorry.
Chapter four: Do not always be accessible
People like being together with other people who are doing exciting and interesting things in their lives because they are happy about someone sharing their precious time with them. So what do you arrive if you try to reach them or talk to them continuous? Nothing. Therefore, you should not try to spend your time with the other person constant, but to form the relationship slowly.
“Does that mean I should ignore Doc now? Hmm…”
Successful Scout can avoid Medic. He does not speak to him and he does not even look at him. But there is a situation where Medic is carrying a heavy, overcrowded box and a book is falling out, and no one is near, except Scout.
“Ah, Scout. Would you be so kind and help me?”
With his hands in his pockets, Scout looks down at the book, disinterested.
“Scout, please.”
“Sorry Doc. I have to take a look at my calendar first. We'll defer it until later, okay?”
So the runner turns his back to the doctor and cannot help but smile. So far, he had carry out the instructions every chapter in the book. Soon Medic would have fallen for his charm.
Chapter five: Use your body language effectively
Radiate with your movements self-confidence. Most people do not feel attracted by wallflowers but by people who are confident. Do not forget to smile and if possible make body contact if it is appropriate and not too obtrusive. Use your body language to flirt. If you are not a Goethe or a Schiller when dealing with words, you must not be afraid. You can send subtle signals to the people you want to win for you, depending on the social situation. Do not be afraid to touch the shoulder or arm of your opponent when you speak to him/her.
Use eye contact when flirting. Eyes are incredibly powerful tools, so use them wisely. Watch your date in the conversation. For there is nothing more to cry for self-confidence than a deep look into the eyes of your counterpart.
“What the hell is a Goethe and Schiller? Hmm… Body and eye contact. That should be not difficult. And I am not a wallflower at all!”
Scout waits until Medic returns from the toilet. He stood impatiently at the door. He has works a few words out which he would like to say to Medic. But he's quite nervous
And then the door opens. Scout loses no time, stands directly in front of the doctor and stares into his eyes (he has to stand on tiptoes).
Medic is freeze. Scout interprets this as a sign that he does everything right.
Eyes are incredibly powerful tools.
This really seems to be right.
“Scout…?”
“I have to tell you something, Doc.”
“Yes, please?”
“Roses are red, violets are blu... er...”
Scout stares into Medic's eyes and misses completely that his opponent feels quite uncomfortable.
“I would never have thought I'd say that once, but you're slowly becoming eerie, you Bengel.”
“You probably do not like poems, do you? Well then uh…”
Scout is actually a conversational genius, but only when it is spontaneous. But in this situation it is difficult. He really wanted to give him only this poem, but he is so nervous that he has forgotten half of the text. And now he has to say something else. But he does not know what to say to him, so he still stares at him. And besides don't speak glances louder than words?
Medic looks uncertain back and forth.
“Ah, Heavy. Could you help briefly?”
“What’s wrong with Scout, Doktor?”
“I don’t know it either. Could you take him to the side so I can finally get back to my work?”
“Da, Doktor.”
Scout is taken from behind under the arms, uplifted and put aside.
“Thank you, Heavy.”
Such an embarrassing crap...
Next chapter.
Chapter six: Do not be like an open book
Keep some things secret. You should not share every detail of your life directly with the other person, because secrets are always attractive. By doing this, other people notice that they do not know everything about you and this mystery gives you a seductive aura.
Resist the urge to tell the other person your whole life story, especially nothing about your parents. This is not to say that parents are not great, but they are not very seductive.
If you are forced to tell something about yourself, give up only vague details and do not go into too much detail. You can explain where you come from, how you grew up and what your plans for saving the world are, but keep it in conversation and do not tell a long, long composition.
“My Ma is very seductive. Otherwise, Spy would not always be after her... Why shouldn’t I tell him about her? Medic is gay. He will not be interested in her. Hmm... I'm supposed to remain mysterious. My plans for saving the world? Well, we all save the world because we make sure that Gray Mann with his robots does not get the power over Man Co. So it's nothing new. And I always hated compositions anyway. Hmm…”
“Hey, Doc.”
“What do you want again, you Bengel?”
“Do you want to know what I'm hiding behind my back?”
“No idea… Your baseball bat to crash another window of mine?”
“No. And you know what? I won't tell you. This is my secret.”
“Aha…”
Chapter seven. The last chapter.
Be patient
Wait until the other person's desire for you has reached the same level as your desire for them. You should believe that it is only a matter of time until someone realizes what an incredible person you are. If you do not agree, you will not be able to seduce anyone. For it is a fact that we naturally feel attracted to people in whose presence we feel comfortable, which make us laugh and a little out of our reach (because the unknown is exciting). This is the essence of man.
“That mean, I should just wait until Medic throws himself at me? After all the things I did, he must have finally realized what an incredible person I am. He can no longer pretend that I'm not a sex bomb! I know he wants me!”
So Scout is waiting. He waits for Medic to come and confess to him that he wants his body. But he waits in vain. He always stays close to him, but he does not pay any attention to him. It's almost as if nothing had ever happened. Everything is, as always. As if Scout had never made a fool of himself. That hurts. And he gets angry.
After days of waiting, Scout rushes into the infirmary. Medic is sitting at his desk, writing something. He looks up as Scout rushes through the double door, goes to his desk and tears apart his t-shirt in front of him. Perhaps that is the only language that these homosexuals understand.
But Medic looks calmly at him.
“Do you have chest pain, Scout? Can't you breathe?”
This makes Scout even more angry. With a strong momentum he sweeps everything from the desk and lays himself on it.
“Come on! Take me! That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“………”
Medic straightened his glasses before answering calmly.
“Scout, should I have offended you or even sent you wrong signals, I'm sorry.”
“………”
“Come. Sit up.”
Medic takes Scout's hand and helps him up. The boy now sits quietly in front of him on the table and avoids looking at Medic.
“Now tell me what's going on in you.”
“………”
“Do you like me?”
Scouts face turns red and he lowers his head.
“I must say it was really cute of you, as you tried to catch my attention.”
“You do noticed?”
“Of course. That was obvious. Even though many things have surprised me.”
“Well… I've tried to seduce you.”
“So it was the art of seduction.” Medic laughs.
“What's so funny? I've made myself a completely fool.”
“Who told you to do that?”
“I read it in a book.”
“In a book…?”
“From the library.”
“Oh, you mean this book.” Medic laughed again.
Scout feels very unpleasant.
“This book is nothing like junk.”
“Oh, no no. On the contrary. The things described in it are already correct. However, you seem to have easily misunderstood everything in it.”
“Whatever… It was all in vain anyway.”
“But why did you want to seduce me? I thought you don't like homosexuals?”
“…before I learned of your inclination, I often sought your closeness. I don’t know why either. I suddenly wanted to be near you. I thought maybe... maybe the bond of our friendship became stronger. But now that I know you're gay, I realize slowly that I've fallen in love with you...”
“There, there. That's not a reason to cry.”
“I don’t cry...?” But after Scout had said this, he felt the hot tears on his cheeks.
“You're really a sweet Bengel.”
“Why do you always call me like that? What does it mean anyway?”
“Bengel means naughty boy.”
“I’m not a boy. And I’m not naughty.”
“But you are” says Medic with a charming smile. “And besides, if you take the B away, the Bengel becomes Engel.”
“And what DOES it mean?”
“Angel.”
Scout looks at Medic with wide eyes. He puts a hand on the back of his head, pulls him down to himself and gives him a kiss on his forehead.
“Don't fall in love with me. Don't fall in love with anyone from here. Save your love for someone out there, for whom you don't have to be dislocate. You are still so young, and you’ve still got all your life in front of you. You’re an attractive boy. I'll bet you'll fall in love often. And then into someone who is not quite as old as I am.”
A shy smile appears on Scout’s face.
“Thanks, Doc.”
“Why don’t you go to Heavy in the weights room? Lift some weights together. Besides, I think you still have something to say to him.”
“Yeah… B-but shouldn't I help you clean up?”
“I will do that. Go now. But take a new T-shirt first.”
“Roger that. See ya.”
When Scout left the infirmary, Medic begins to put the things back on his desk. At this moment, Spy makes himself felt.
“Ah, Spy. So you've heard everything?”
“Of course. I didn't miss the fact that Jeremy ‘as behaved very strange in the last few days. And now I know why.”
“Then you didn't miss the fact that I turned him down.”
“In point of fact, no. You told ‘im not to fall in love with someone ‘ere. Doesn't that count for you, too?”
“I don't know what you mean. I'm not in love with someone.”
“It's obviously that you love not only Heavy's body.”
“I have sex with Demo too, you know?”
“Sure, but only so Heavy doesn't notice anything about your feelings for him. Demoman is nothing else but an alibi, a distraction. If you only wanted to sleep with Heavy, the Russian would be suspicious.”
“………”
“Be that as it may. It still worries me that he ‘as fallen in love with a so much older man.”
“Well, there are two possible speculations. Either, I am so attractive that even boys like Jeremy fall for my charm. Or he suffers from a daddy issues.”
There is a certain sharpness in Medic's voice. And Spy notices this.
“Even though I hardly believe that he will ever talk to you again, you should finally tell him that you are his father. But not now and not here. Do it when our job is done here. And do it with his mother. Because when he knows it, he will need a lot of support.”
Spy nod lost in thought with his head. Then he turns around and leaves.
Spies are funny, creepy, an annoyance and just everywhere. Here is a small collection of pictures of Spies that I have encountered during my TF2 career. Collection I
Olivia stands in the middle of the 15-meter-long metal bridge of the hangar and looks down over the railing at the robotic army. Accurately, they are standing down there and wait silently and motionless to be activated and sent into a new battle against the mercenaries. A fight that many of them will not be able to ride it out. As last time.
They consist of nothing but metal, while the mercenaries are men of flesh and blood. And yet, Olivia is of the opinion that they are the ones who have no soul.
She reluctantly recalls the memories of the last fight. That's a year ago. Her father's robots were destroyed one by one. And the mercenaries had laughed. They had laughed. It gave them great pleased to kill them.
No, Olivia is sure that the mercenaries are those who have no soul. She hates them from the bottom of her heart.
The dim light of the ceiling lamps makes the metal old gray and shiny.
“You are so beautiful…”
“Olivia?”
Graymann comes with his automated wheelchair on the metal bridge. Main building and hangar are connected with only one door. And from this he came.
Beside her, he comes to a halt. Just as Olivia always does, she sits down on his lap.
“Why are not you in bed? It's the middle of the night.”
“They must fight again soon. I want to spend time with them as long as possible before they are again final destroyed.”
“I can build them again and again, you know?”
“Nevertheless, they are always the same, which must always experience the same fate. I hate the mercenaries for hurting them.”
“…then you must hate me as well. After all, I send them into this fate.”
Olivia eyed her old father with her big, gold-yellow eyes.
“I don't hate you. I know how important it is that these mercenaries must be eliminate. And you and I cannot fight for ourselves. But somebody has to do it...”
“I bought you a beautiful canary. Why don't you busy yourself with it?”
“The bird is safe in its cage. So I don' have to worry about it.”
“I gave you this bird, so it take your mind off things.”
“………”
Gray Mann sighs. He stroked Olivia's head and looked down at the robots.
“Come now. It’s sleep time. The men have just contacted me. In dawn, they will be here with the support team and then the robots will be loaded into the transport tank. And you want to say goodbye to them before, don’t you?”
“Yes, father…”
Olivia closes the door behind her, crosses her large, hall-like room, and enters her winter garden, where the aviary, covered by a blanket, stands. And therein is the little yellow bird. A gift from her father, so she is not so lonely. Sure, Olivia has neither siblings nor friends. But she does not need it either. The robots and her father are the only company she wants, needs and appreciates.
She slams the blanket back. The canary sits on his sleeping pole, on one leg and the head turned backwards, hidden in the plumage. She still has no name for him. But do birds need a name at all? Do they feel something? Can birds build a relationship with a human being at all?
Olivia has the bird just a few days. And he always shows her that he doesn't want to know about her. He never flies to her, never sits down on her finger when she holds it for him.
He's avoiding her. He doesn't like her.
That's okay by her. He doesn't have to love her.
She opens the cage. The clacking of the cage door and the movements startles the canary bird out of its sleep.
She reaches for him. Panically he avoids her hand. A chase begins. The little bird jumps and flutters from one side to the other. He escapes again and again. But Olivia remains obstinate. Finally, she manages to grab him when he is already completely weakened.
Firmly in her fist, she takes him out of the cage and looks at him. He defends himself, tries to free himself, and makes constant cheeps noises. She loosens her grip somewhat, but not too much so that the bird cannot free his wings.
She looks down at him emotionlessly.
“Why do you want to get away from me? Don't I give you everything you need? I give you food and water. You have a big cage. And yet you show yourself ungrateful.”
The Canary had for a moment stopped fighting back when she began to speak. But now he starts anew. He opens his beak wide.
“And now you're threatening me? Why are the creatures just like that? They are ungrateful, selfish and destructive. Only when you have realized this, you will realize how wonderful the dead things are. My only friends are my father's robots. Since I can remember, I always had them around me. They always took care of me. I just wish I could be there for them like they for me. But I can do nothing to keep them from their fate. They have been built to fight. I cannot fight. I am still a child. I don't know what makes my father wrong that they are destructible. Is it because he does not love them like me? Is love missing? One day I will follow Father's footsteps and then I'll be able to build them. Build them with so much love that I feel for them that they will be indestructible. Will the mercenaries be still to witness this? Will you still be?”
The canary now lies completely exhausted in her fist. Olivia clearly senses the little heart, which frantically beats in that little breast.
“………”
She puts him back into the cage. As by a miracle the vigors come back and the canary flies into the rearmost corner of the cage, the wings spread apart.
Olivia closes the cage, looks at the bird for a moment, and covers the cage again with the blanket.
Now it's time to sleep.
Team Fortress 2
The little robin beeps during sleep. The tree snake observes the small featherball in the middle of her curled body. Then she turns her gaze to the owl. Sir Hootsalot sits rigidly on the dashboard, trying to keep his balance with the healthy wing. The snake knows that he has great pain. His broken wing must necessarily be fix. But what can they do...?
“Hey, owl.”
“…what do you want?”
“Come down there and ressst a bit.”
“Rest? I'm nocturnal, y'know? And it's night.”
“You are hurt.”
“That's none of your business, snake.”
“I am not heartlesss. Even if everybody likesss to think ssso.”
“The giant maggot is right, mice eater. A soldier cannot fight if he's under the weather.”
“We are no soldiers but birds, you birdbrain” replied Sir Hootsalot toneless.
“Ay me…” Aberdeen twists his eyes.
Compatriot leaps at the owl. “Now listen to me, you night-shadow-bird! You do what I say!”
The white-headed eagle reaches for the owl with his claws, with the intention of pulling him down from the dashboard on the passenger seat.
“Let me go! Are you crazy?”
“I call the shots! I am the King of Birds!”
“The king of birdbrains is much more relevant!”
While eagle and owl fight together, the steering wheel remains ownerless. And soon the van starts to swerve.
“Put your claws back to the wheel!” Dante barks. But the eagle is not listening. So she takes the wheel. With paws, however, this is not so easy. She slips off again and again. The van is getting swerve even more. The feathers of the fighting birds whirl around the driver's room. The snake holds its tail end over the little Robin.
“That’sss enough! Aberdeen, ssstop the vehicle!”
“Y-yes! I try it! But I forgot where the brake is!”
“There, where isss not the gasss pedal!”
“Oh yeah!”
“But ssslowly!”
But too late. The macaw jumps from the gas to the brake. The vehicle makes a full braking. Compatriot and Sir Hootsalot are pressed against the windshield. The broken wing isn't leave unscathed. Dante's muzzle lands on the horn and then crashes into the footwell, landing on Aberdeen. By her weight the gas pedal is activated, the van jumps up and dashs forward. Compatriot and Sir Hootsalot are thrown back and thrown off the dashboard. They fall exactly on the snake and the robin. The tree snake reacts immediately, wraps herself completely around the small, sleeping bird and brakes the weight of the two birds with her upper body.
“Brake! Brake!!”
Suddenly the van makes a gigantic jerk. The animals are shaken when they seem to have been driving over something hard.
Aberdeen was able to get free himself under the dog and jumped on the brake. At the same time, the Dobermann dog pressed a paw onto the brake pedal. Aberdeen is clamped between pedal and paw. A squeal escapes his throat.
Again the van makes a jerk and finally stops.
None of the animals is moving. It almost seems the time has stopped.
The snake notices Sir Hootsalot, as he lies motionless beside her. He moaned softly in pain.
“Owl! Are you alright?”
“…yes…”
The Dobermann dog jumps back on the driver's seat. He growled furiously at the eagle, who is caught between the driver's and the passenger's seat.
“You stupid bird! Did you want to kill us all?”
“It's not my fault you dogs cannot drive.”
“Excuse me?” Dante bares her teeth.
“Stop it! Don’t you realize that we are always in trouble because of these constant arguments?”
All eyes are directed to the macaw. Rarely have they been able to experience him so angered. Usually the parrot bird is peaceful and very patient.
“Aberdeen isss right. You have to pull yourssself together.”
“Why you? Didn’t you mean we?”
“No, I have behave completely correct ssso far.”
A slight movement in the snake's body tells her that the robin is awake. She unrolls her body. Robin looks at her with sleepy eyes.
“Are we there yet?”
“No, not yet, little one. We have only a little breakdown.”
Now the little bird is wide-awake.
“Oh no! We are stuck? Oh? There are feathers everywhere...”
“How is it that you have not been hurled back and forth, snake?”
“I already sssaid that my body isss a complete mussscle. And ssso our little robin remained unssscathed.”
The snake pets Robin's head.
“What are you talking about? What happened?”
“We should check whether the van is all right.”
Dante opens the driver's door and jumps out.
“You ssstay here, owl.”
“Why?”
“You have a wounded wing. And by your fall it might be worsssened.”
“Pfft! As long as it doesn't descend, I don't need to be treated like a deathly ill animal.”
“No, deathly ill animals will be euthanized.”
“Shut up! This is all your fault! Every idiot knows that he doesn't have to let go of the steering wheel during the ride!”
“Then why didn't you steer, maggot?”
“Because I have a broken wing!”
“Let'sss get out of here too” says the tree snake to the robin.
“Da.”
Robin is glad to get away from the quarreling. He hates it when they argue. And in a situation like this.
Outside, they meet Dante, who had once circumnavigated the vehicle.
“And? What'sss it like?”
“The van seems to be unscathed. At least I could not find anything.”
“What luck” Robin squeals.
“Then let'sss have a look at what we've drive over.”
“Hopefully not an animal.”
“Don't worry. Compatriot is the largest animal in this desert.”
“Really? The donkeys in Germany are much bigger.”
The snake laughs hissingly.
After a few steps they find railway lines along the way.
“Well, well. Ssso here we are.”
Aberdeen and Compatriot joined the three.
“What’s going on?” asks the macaw.
“We have reached the railway tracksss.”
“Are we right for here at all, stubby tail?”
All eyes are directed at the dog. Dante looks down on the ground.
“I've lost their track…”
“I knew it! If you were made in America, it wouldn't have happened!”
“What are we going to do now?”
“…I have an idea.”
“Tell us, lad.”
The snake rolls her lower body together to be at the same eye level as the others.
“We drive to the next town and pick up Medic.”
“M-medic…? But it can take hours to get to the next city.”
“What elssse ssshould we do? Besidesss, we need him. He mussst reduce Sssir Hootsssalot'sss wing and ssshould really Gray Mann behind the abduction, we need Medic to help usss. We asss animalsss cannot do much alone. In addition, I think it'sss in his interessst to learn what happend to hisss former team-matesss. I'm sssure he'll help.”
“And how do we make him understand that?”
“Well, we have Archimedesss.”
“A-archimedes…?!” Robin's little heart makes a jump. He will see Archimedes again! His best friend! “What are we waiting for?”
The robin flutters back into the van to report to Sir Hootsalot.
“I think we have no choice. But when I am honest, I feel more secure with the idea of having a person with us.”
“Hans is not just a human, stubby tail. He is a mercenary. Our mercenary.” When speaking, Compatriots feathered chest swells.
Even if the eagle and the soldier often complain about the others, one can be sure, that the two are always behind the team.
“Aberdeen, will you help me in again?”
“Sure, lad.”
“Are you serious? You want to pick up Medic?”
“Do you have a problem with that, Owl?”
“…no. Not at all.”
“Very good. Then back to your ssseatsss and let usss go. We know the eventual ssstay of our ownersss. But we ssshould ssstill not dawdle. It could take hoursss to get to the next city.”
“It doesn't bear contemplating what Gray Mann is doing in the meantime with the support.”
“He won't kill them. That's for sure.”
“He cannot do that anyway. As long as their data are computerized in the spawn system, he cannot harm them.”
Aberdeen disappears back in the footwell of the driver's seat and presses the gas pedal while Compatriot sits on the steering wheel.
The snake rolls back on the watch and her owner's cigarette case, the robin in her middle.
Sir Hootsalot wants to climb on the dashboard but fails this time.
“Hoot…”
“Hahaha!”
“Be quiet, snake!”
“Don't worry. You can join me and Robin.”
“………”
Sir Hootsalot hesitates. But then he gives in and lies down beside the snake at the window.
“There we go. Don't be always so stubborn. Or are you afraid I bite?”
“…I don't understand you. Although Spy was abducted and you have no idea what will happen to him, you still make your jokes. Are not you worried?”
“Asss I had said before; you cannot underssstand the relationssship between me and Ssspy. Of courssse, I am worried in sssome way, but I alssso know that he isss clever. I'm sssure sssomething will crosss hisss mind to maneuver himssself and the other two out of their dangerousss sssituation.”
“And who said that Sniper isn't going to save Medic and Spy? Do you think he is stupid?”
“I didn't sssay that.”
“Snakes are sneaky. Just like Spy. If he were the one who should be responsible for their escape, then only because of dirty tricks.”
“Any problem with dirty tricksss?”
“It's dishonorable.”
“Please do not argue any more... I do not want that.”
Snake and owl look at the robin. It looks very sad.
“I'm sssorry, little Robin. We will not argue any more. Isssn't that ssso, owl?”
“Sure…mate.”
“Adelar and Parrot, if one of you wants to rest, I can take up your job.”
“Thanks, lad. Maybe I'll take up on your offer.”
“I'm not letting you on the steering wheel anymore, stubby tail. And stop calling me Adelar. My name is Compatriot. Remember this at last! In addition, Adelar sounds like a female's name.”
“You think so? But Soldier is called Jane. Is not that also a woman's na-“
“Jane is a good name!”
“I see. Then I will enlighten you. Adelar is Old German and means eagle.”
“Wow, I'm honored, maggot.”
Compatriot doesn't bother to hide the sarcastic undertone in his voice.
“I am glad to hear that” Dante answered playfully. “Then you will surely like it when I say that the word eagle in Germany stands for nobility, host and warrior.”
“Aahh~ That sounds much better. When you exchange the word host for army and warrior for soldier, it's perfect. Hmph! Maybe you Fritze ain't that bad.”
Compatriot turns his head back to the Dobermann. Aberdeen can observe this. Suddenly there is a strange mood in the air.
Do they flirt?
The macaw looks over to the passenger seat. Snake, owl and robin have closed their eyes. Are they already asleep? What time is it now? It’s very dark outside. The only light the animals have when driving is the pale moonlight.
“Say... do we drive in the right direction at all? I mean, we are just following the tracks without thinking about which direction the town might be.”
“We are right! Don't you trust my sense of orientation?”
“If you ask me so, lad... no.”
“Hold the beak and step on the gas, parrot.”
“I am a macaw…”
“You have beautiful feathers.”
“Oh er… T-thank you very much.”
Compatriot makes a contemptuous sound.
“What is so great about a colorful bird? You look like you've escaped from a circus.”
“Envious?”
“About your fall in the color pot?”
“That Dante gave me a compliment.”
“Calm down, boys. You are both odd birds. I like you.”
“Can you fight, Dante?”
“Fight? Well, I'm a Dobermann. We are not fighting dogs, but we are classed as dangerous. I have a steel jaw. Where I bite, no grass grows anymore.”
“If you are so dangerous, why does your master keep you?”
“We are not unrestrained beasts. Sure, there are Dobermann dogs who have attacked people before. But the people are wrong. There are dog breeds that are far more dangerous than we are. We are not even in the top ten.”
“But to protect your master, you would become a beast, right?”
“Of course. Protecting him has top priority in my life and that of my brother. To save him, I'd even bite a pufferfish.”
“What is so special about a fish?”
“Pufferfishes are highly toxic.”
“Oh… I see…”
“How do ya know anything like this at all?”
“I am from the city. I am not surprised, however, that someone does not have this knowledge, who lives in a place without water. But honestly. Would not you die to protect your owners?”
Compatriot and Aberdeen are silent for a moment.
“We never thought about anything like that. We didn't have to. When they die in a fight against the BLUs, they return to life.”
“Oh right… They respawn, right? How does this work?”
“Don’t know. We only know that their data are computerized into the respawn-device.”
“Where not the data of your old Medic been deleted?”
Eagle and macaw are silent again.
“If we get your old Medic and go with him toe-to-toe with Gray Mann and his robots, then he will get killed in a possible fight and will never return.”
The two had not thought of that. But Compatriot knows exactly what he has to say to calm himself.
“He is and remains a mercenary, a soldier. If he dies, then for a good cause. And we are not immortal either. We can just as well die. But you're not afraid of death, aren't you, stubby tail?”
“Not at all, Adelar.”
Ay, they are flirting again…
“You said that your master saved your life and that of your brother. What happened?”
“Nothing unusual. The owner of our mother was a very strict man who earned his money by selling her puppies. Zerberus, me and some of our siblings were the last litter. He could sell them profitably. But my brother and I were weak. Weaker than it is normal for puppies. He could not use us. Who wants to buy sick, weak dogs?”
“That's just understandable” Compatriot answered.
“He grabbed us by the nape and wanted to drown us in a rain barrel. Our mother had probably guessed what he had planned and bit him into the calf. I remember that I had the strong scent of blood in my nose.”
Dante lifts her muzzle into the air; her nose moves violently as she tries to recall the scent of the blood.
“And then ... I got no air. Everything around me was wet and dark, and I struggled with my legs in panic until I was completely exhausted. I tried to find my brother with my eyes, but the breathing trouble obscured my senses. I think Zerberus and I were already as good as dead until we were suddenly pulled out of the water. Strong hands held us, but this time they felt different. Still, I bit as hard as I could. I was panicked, I froze. But I did not let go. And then I heard his voice.”
Dante closes her eyes and recalls the memory.
“It was quite different from the voice of the man who wanted to drown us. It was calm, dark, and warm. And that made me pull my teeth out of his flesh and look up at him. The blue-gray eyes immediately fascinate me. He was so beautiful...”
“………”
“………”
“And that is why I would die for him. This is the only thing I can give in return. Through His love we have become big and strong. We are even stronger than the average Dobermann. This was 10 years ago...”
“Don't be angry with me, lad, but... your master doesn't look like he can give love.”
“The exterior does not say anything about the interior.”
“Hmph. This is probably true. If an outsider would see our Mercs, he would probably think they were psychopathic killers. But Tavish is a kind-hearted man and a loving son. And basically the Mercs do this job only to make the life of their loved one's at home better. They just do it for their families. But ... for whom does it Friedrich? Does he have a family in Germany?”
“No, Zerberus and I are his only family.”
“So he just dislodged Hans in revenge.”
“Well, my owner does not like it when he is shortchanged. In fact, he always had thoughts of revenge. I am really sorry for your old Medic.”
“No one can replace him. Not even your master. And it's absolutely null and void whether he's good or not. Hans belongs to us. And when we have him with us, you will understand why.”
“Hans and Friedrich are not so dissimilar. They both come from Germany, are doctors and have no family except their animals.”
“And I thought all the Germans were the same. Blond, blue-eyed, brainwash doctors...”
“Do not start to think, Compatriot. You always get headaches. That's why his head is so white. There is no blood in it.”
This makes Dante laugh. The white-headed eagle, however, makes an ear-splitting cry that startle the owl, the snake, and the robin out of their sleep.
“What isss going on here again? Can you not pull yourssself together for one moment? Imbecile!”
Team Fortress 2
Already very early in the morning, the squirrel leaves his safe and warm tree cave to look for food. Although he doesn’t feel like it. After all, he hasn't collected food before the winter began, either. But after his parents had thrown him out of home a few weeks ago, he is now on his own. They said he was now old enough to live his own life, and they only let him live with them for so long, because he was the baby of the family.
The squirrel thinks very bitterly of this meanness of his family as he runs through the snow. The cold immediately sinks into his bones. But the only good thing about it is that he can now do what he wants. Without rules and teachings. Sure,at parents home he was very spoiled ripe. Especially from his Ma. There was tender loving care and always enough to eat. But he could never do what he wanted. And what he especially hated was the hibernation. The only good thing about it was the gorge like there's no tomorrow before sleeping. But sleeping as such was grotty.
But the squirrel is lucky. His dwelling-place is in the middle of a small town. There is food from the people to steal and pets to annoy. But in winter he is rather sluggish.
“Shit instincts. Hmm… I woulda hungry for pancakes.”
Some people leave their freshly baked cakes on the window frames in the summer to cool them down. Often he had filled his tummy with these nom noms. But this of course involves danger. Once he was almost killed by a broom. How can they do that? He is the sweetest and sexiest squirrel in the world!
But that's no problem. He's as fast as the wind.
He jumps through the snow to a house where an old woman lives. She is alone and has no family. Only her tomcat lives with her. A black, fat cat with white spots around his eyes. Often the squirrel had seen him sitting at the window. And he does so again.
The squirrel jumps on the window board and both animals look at each other. The tomcat lays his ears back, a rather unwelcome expression on his face. The rodent lays his head on the side and knocks with his paw at the windowpane. The house cat looks away.
He ignores me! Well, it's all the same to me.
He jumps from the window and slips under the house. There is a tiny circular opening. From there he reaches the kitchen. The hole is under a cupboard and the rodent crawls out of it. He perks up his ears. Nothing to hear. He has to take care of that the old woman does not suddenly stand in the kitchen. He's sure that old people love squirrels (especially him). But because of their bad eyes, sweet squirrels can quickly become to disgusting and disease-bearing rats. And then the broom is swung again.
The kitchen is searched for esculent. But there is not much to be found. He knows that a lot of food is kept in the refrigerator, but he will never be able to open it. He is just too small.
“Aww crap…”
“How did you get in here, you vermin?”
The squirrel just sits on the kitchen counter to examine the sugar cans when the scratchy voice is speaking behind him.
He whirls around and sees the old tomcat standing in the doorway.
“Why don't you sit at the window as is right and proper for a grandpa?”
“I have a very sensitive nose.”
“Do you want to tell me I'm stink?”
“You have no business here! Go outside where you belong.”
“Calm down, jeez. I just want to take some food.”
“You will not take anything with you. This is theft.”
“Pfff! Sue me. You're also a fur-bearing animal. You should have the best understanding for a comrade who has no food in the merciless winter.”
“Then you should have collect your nuts before the beginning of the winter.”
“Are you kidding me? I cannot burn fat in sleep. I don't want to look like you when I wake up in spring. I don't attract girls with fat mass, y'know?”
“I'll give you one last chance to leave this house.” The tomcat remains surprisingly calm.
“Anything else? Will you eat me then? Contradictory to your appearance, I have to ask you whether you get nothing to eat from your owner. Well, the neighbor has also starved her bird to death because she has thrown the birdseed next to the cage instead in the cage because of her bad eyes. That poor nowt…”
“You've missed your chance.”
From the throat of the cat sounds a sinister and menacing sound. But the squirrel has only a weary smile for him. He wobbles with his little squirrel-butt in his direction.
“Well, then show me what you still can do at your ages.”
And then the cat shoots off without warning. He's fast as lightning. With a single bound he jumps on the kitchen counter and snaps with his sharp teeth at the rodent. The squirrel cries out frightened and wants to rush away, which does not work very well at first, because the kitchen counter has a very smooth surface and the squirrel runs on it in lost motion. Finally, he makes a jump and can thus escape the teeth.
A wild chase through the kitchen begins. Anything that is not rivet and nail-proof is overthrown and even fractionalize into individual parts. It rattles and crashes. The rodent runs for his life. Actually he had wanted to provoke a chase, but since it had not yet known that the old house cat is still so fast on his short legs.
With ease, the rodent would be flee through the hole under the cupboard, but he has decided not to leave this house without something to eat. He only has to hang on until the tomcat is completely exhausted. Maybe he will even get a heart attack? Would be ugly, but it would not be his fault. A heart attack is ultimately a natural cause of death, which gives the squirrel the opportunity to search the house without ruffle or excitement for food.
The squirrel flees from the kitchen into the living room. Agile he climbs up the window curtains. The tomcat follows without difficulty. The thin curtain rod does not hold the weight, however, and breaks through. They fall to the ground. While the squirrel falls on his butt, the cat lands gracefully on his legs.
No matter how long the squirrel is running, the tomcat does not seem to runs out of breath.
Come off it! I can't stand it any longer…
Now the rodent decides to disappear again through the hole, and he runs back in the kitchen. The kitchen floor is covered with smooth tiles. Once he puts the first paw into the kitchen, he slips it out and falls to the ground. The cat jumps onto him. With the last force, the squirrel bobs up but the tomcat gives him a push and he falls again. Through the speed both animals slide across the floor through the entire kitchen and are finally stopped by the kitchen sink cabinet.
Now the rodent lies helplessly on his back, above him the fat cat. He does not seem to be out of breath at all.
“How…how is possible?” The squirrel utters exhausted.
“In my youth I was the most notorious mouse and rat catcher far and wide. I was quick and had a very high stamina, which I still own today. My owner has got a lot of money for me to chasing mice and rats in many houses. I had a success rate of 90%.”
“Haha… And what about the remaining 10%?”
“They were just like you. Have occasionally sneaked into houses and stolen food.”
“But I'm not a mouse. I'm as cute as a mouse.”
“Squirrels are rats. You are too big, you stink and you are thieves. At that time I eaten you vermin for breakfast.”
“A-are you kidding me? Ha! And I thought, just people mistake us with rats. Well, the age, what? Aut I'm not just a squirrel. We are called as cats, too. Do you understand? Viewed in this light. We both are, therefore, not only fur-bearing animals but also closely related to each other. We should rebel against the people together! They take cats as prisoners and us they flay us alive and make clothes from it. We mammals must finally hold together! What do you say?”
“Humans are also mammals.”
“That's quite untrue!”
“It’s enough!”
The squirrel jerks.
“You don't really want to eat me? I mean, apart from the fact that you're too fat, I don't taste at all!”
“I told you already three times that you should leave this house. You didn't want to hear. If you don't want to listen, find out the hard way. I hope for you that you will be reborn in the next life with a little more brain.”
“Why more brain?”
“So you don't break into houses where cats live. Just because an animal is old does not mean that it cannot be a calamity for you.”
Now the squirrel starts to whine terribly.
“Oh no, please! I regret it! I regret everything! I regret everything I've ever done! Ma! Ma! I want my Ma!”
The cat sighs and lets the rodent be.
“You are still a child. Therefore I put mercy before justice. Go now and never come back.”
“What's going on here? Cuddly blanket! What have you done?”
Suddenly the old housekeeper stands in the doorway. With shocked eyes, she looks around the kitchen. The cat swirls around to her.
This chance uses the squirrel to jump up and bite the cat in the tail. It was really very generous of him to let him alive. But the tomcat needs a dressing-down for humiliating him. After all, he had made him cry (of course, the squirrel would argue that this was only tactic).
The cat jumps in the air with a loud cry of pain. Now cut and run!
Quickly as the wind the squirrel escapes under the cupboard into the hole and runs under the house on the snowy road. There he stopped and looked at the house.
He rubs his paws against each other maliciously.
“Hehehe. Hopefully, the old woman will pull your fur over your ears. Nobody chases me like a prey, get it? Whoever is mess with me, will bitterly regret it! And besides, I always have the last word!”
The little stomach starts to growl.
“Aww crap…”
And no food, again.
When he finally leaves the house behind to find the next one, it sounds like something heavy moves on the snow, followed by car squeaks.
The rodent swirls around and sees a large, slightly wagging car coming right on his way. The sight of the approaching monster paralyzes the little mammal. As if rooted he stares at the car, knowing to die now. His short life runs away from his inner eye and, at the same time, he thinks with relief that even before his death he could fight with a mature cat and won.
A place in heaven is certain to him.
The last few seconds before the collision, the rodent squeezes his eyes tightly together.
Team Fortress 2
“Finally. The town. We did it, lads!”
Aberdeen sits on the dashboard and pushes his beak against the windshield. A few hours ago the macaw had accepted the offer from Dante to take over his work on gas and brake. All along, they and Compatriot had a nice conversation, while snake, robin, and owl slept. It was nice. However, the eagle hadn't speak for a while.
“What? Are we already there?” Robin asks sleepily.
The tree snake and the owl are awakening, too.
“We should not look forward to early. First we have to find your medic” Dante replies. “Who knows if we are in the right town at all.”
“We are right. I'm sure I can feel it.” Robin flutters to Aberdeen on the dashboard and looks at the snowy environment. “I have not seen snow for so long. Misha would certainly like it here.”
“Where should we start with the search?”
“The firssst ssstep of a perssson in a ssstrange city isss to look for a hotel room. We ssshould look for sssomething like thisss.”
“Hm? Oh! There is a squirrel in the middle of the road” notices Robin.
They drive straight to it but the eagle doesn't seems to make any effort to dodge.
“Er… Compatriot?”
“………”
“Adelar? What is wrong?”
Aberdeen bends over to the eagle and notices that his eyes are directed straightforward.
"Compatriot?" The eagle doesn't react a bit. And then Aberdeen realizes why.
“He’s sleeping!”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Wake up, Compatriot!”
The macaw shakes at the eagle, which scares out of his sleep. He moves the steering wheel involuntarily back and forth, so the van starts to swerve.
“Dante! Step on the brake!”
The Dobermann dog sits down with all his weight on the pedal. The tires squeak and the van makes a strong jolt. Compatriot and Aberdeen bounce with their heads against the windshield. Robin lands in the soft plumage of the macaw.
The van slides over the snow until it finally comes to a halt.
“Oh no! We runs over the squirrel!”
“What squirrel?”
“You ssstupid fowl!” the snake hisses at the eagle. “Dante, pleassse open the door.”
She follows the snake's request, and the animals leave the van to look at the mess. Only the owl remains behind. It does not matter to him either. Sir Hootsalot does not feel able to do anything.
And indeed. A squirrel lies motionless on his back, just a few centimeters behind the vehicle. The tongue hangs out from its mouth.
Robin buries his face in the feathers of the parrot bird, appalled at this sight. Aberdeen holds his great wing protectively over him.
“Shhh… It’s okay.”
“Great job, Adelar.”
“I just rest a bit” the eagle defends himself.
“I told you that I can take the steering wheel if you get tired!”
“And I told you that I would not let you take the steering wheel again, stubby tail!”
“You slept with your eyes open!”
“A soldier must sleep with his eyes open, otherwise he will be surprised by the enemy slyly!”
“Well, you've surprised a young, innocent squirrel with your carelessness and now it's dead.”
“It's his own fault. Why does it just run on the road? Aside from this, these creatures are keep hibernation, don't they? If it had remained on his tree, nothing would have happened.”
“I'm really glad when we finally found your Medic. A person at the steering wheel is far less dangerous. Apart from that, cars were built for people only. And I think that should remain so.”
“What are we going to do with the little one now?” asks Aberdeen, distraught. "We cannot just leave him here.”
“I will take care of that.”
The snake position herself at the feet of the rodent.
“What are you up to, lad?”
She opens her mouth wide.
“WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?!”
The reptile sighs annoyed.
“It’sss a sssmall, dead animal and I'm a sssnake. I'll devour it now. Had not expected that I get breakfassst today.”
“Oh no! Oh no!” The robin whimpered, pressing himself even more firmly in Aberdeen's chest feathers.
“Don’t look, if you cannot ssstand the sssight.”
Feet and legs of the squirrel slowly disappear into the snake's mouth.
“That's disgusting…”
When the squirrel is already in the snake's mouth until the belly, it suddenly comes to life. When he realized what was happening to him, he cries terribly loudly. He scratches the snake and bites her into the nose. Immediately she lets the squirrel be and wraps herself, burying her head in her body.
Panic, the rodent bounces up and only then notices the other animals. Confused, he looks back and forth between the birds and the dog.
“What the hell is that crap?”
“It lives!” Robin flutters to it and hugs it with his little wings.
“What's going on here? What happened?”
“We thought we had run over you.”
The squirrel's gaze remains hanging on the van.
“I… I live... And you wanted to eat me!”
“Ass already mentioned; we thought you were dead.” The snake has now recovered from the bite. "We didn't want to leave your unsssightly body lying here, you ungrateful brat.”
“Why don't you checked the pulse before? And what do you mean unsightly?”
“Thisss isss not worthwhile for sssmall animalsss like you.”
The squirrel wants to answer, but stops and looks again back and forth between the animals.
“What is going on here? Who are you? Circus animals or something?”
“No, we're on a mission” Robin replies.
“Mission? That sounds exciting. Can I join?”
“No way! You have nothing to do with it.”
“Dude, you almost drove me over! You owe me something.”
“We are on the way to a dangerous place. There you could be killed, lad.”
“It's still better to die on an adventure than to die of boredom in this wretched town. I have imagined more for my life.”
“You mussst be joking!”
“Anyway. You have to take care of me now.”
“Where are your parents, rodent?”
“They threw me out.”
Robin is terrified. “That's horrible.”
“Yeah, yeah. Can we go now?”
“W-wait a moment!”
But the squirrel has already jumped into the van. “Oh! An owl!”
“That cannot be true… Dead it wasss more pleasssant.”
“Well, we could need a little help, right?”
“Squirrelsss are uselesss, Robin. What ssshould it do? Asss sssmall asss it isss.”
“So… you think I am useless, too?”
“Oh no, no. I didn't mean that. You are a bird. You can fly. The sssquirrel not. What isss it going to do if it getsss in trouble?”
“………”
“Well, we can still throw it out. But it's now more important to find Medic. Don't you agree, Dante?”
“The macaw is right. Let's the little one be and concentrate on our mission. And who knows? Perhaps the rodent is quite useful.”
The serpent sighs annoyed, again.
“Whatever. But if it becomesss a burden, I will devour it.”
The reptile hopes very much that the squirrel does her this favor. So that she still get to her breakfast today.
“Hey, maybe it has seen Medic. We should ask it.”
“Okay, everyone back in the car!” Compatriot orders.
In the van they find the rodent, as it had made itself comfortable on the motionless owl.
“Aahhh ~ Nice warm here.”
“Come down there immediately! Don't you know that owlsss eat sssquirrelsss?”
“Eagles, by the way, too.”
“Really?”
“Naturally. You mammals stink and are dirty, but you are good snack.”
A throat clearing on the part of Dante.
“What?”
“I am also a mammal.”
“Dogs are not mammals.”
All eyes are directed at Compatriot.
“Naturally. And next, you will say that humans are mammals.”
“Just shut up, Compatriot.”
“You are strange creatures.”
“You seem so, too. Don't do squirrels hibernate in winter?”
“Life is much too short to sleep through a whole season of the year. And I would have to spend the whole autumn collecting nuts. These are then two seasons that fall away to have fun. I think I'll be fine with you.”
“Say, did you see a man who is new to this city? So around the 50 with black hair and a curl?”
“No, I don't think so. I'm not so interested in the activities of the people here. Besides, this city is full of old people. They all look the same anyway.”
“And I always thought squirrels are alert.”
“I told you. It’sss absssolutely ussselesss.”
“Hey! I'm not useless! I am fast, intelligent and handsome.”
“What has beauty to do with benefits?”
“Well, when I have to bewitch a pretty girl to get information, or something like that.”
“Do you fancy yourssself asss a ssspy?”
“At least I would be a better spy than you, you worm.”
“Hey... Something's wrong with Sir Hootsalot” Robin remarks worried. He shakes him slightly with his little wings. “I think his condition has deteriorated.”
And indeed the breathing of the owl has slowed down.
“Quick, everyone back to his position! We must find Medic.”
“Will he die?”
“He will not die! And even if ... Medic can revive him. He had already done this with Sniper and Archimedes.”
The eagle flies back on the steering wheel and Dante takes care of the gas pedal.
“Wait… YOU drive the car?”
“Of course! What do you think?”
“…cool.”
The tree snake, Robin and Aberdeen lay down to Sir Hootsalot. The owl's eyes are closed and he does not seem to make the impression of wake up again soon.
The squirrel had settled on the headrest of the passenger seat. He takes a little distance from the strangers. Not least because there are three of them on whose menu the squirrel stands.
It observe the situation.
Is this situation I got into a good thing? In this car there is a really bad mood. I had imagined it differently... Well, even that's still better than anything else I've ever experienced in my dull life. In addition, many interesting words have fallen. Resurrection, danger, mission ... No idea what these guys are. But I feel as if I belong here, to them. Now my life Begins.
