So here I am. Still insecure. Still whiny. Still a bit too sad. Still uncertain.
I better rock 2017.

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
noise dept.
taylor price
hello vonnie

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Not today Justin

titsay
d e v o n
todays bird
almost home
Peter Solarz
i don't do bad sauce passes

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pixel skylines
Xuebing Du
Three Goblin Art
NASA
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@lyssbbs
So here I am. Still insecure. Still whiny. Still a bit too sad. Still uncertain.
I better rock 2017.
INFP.
I took the Myers Briggs again after almost 2 years! I couldn’t remember which mine was exactly but I specifically remembered that William Shakespeare and I had the same one. Wahahah.
Apparently, I’m an INFP. A strong one at that.
I only took it because I stumbled upon this article on my Facebook feed.
http://psychologyjunkie.com/2015/08/02/how-each-mbti-type-reacts-to-stress-and-how-to-help/
And it’s scary how spot on it is????
What stresses out an INFP:
– Rigidity in rules and timelines
I’m just never on time. I’m either too early or late.
– Having values violated
Not exactly. I think I just hate being in the same room with people who look down on hardwork and passion. Like getting yourself too involved in something makes you less cool.
– Not enough time alone. Too much extraverting.
This is true. Except latey, I’ve been feeling anxious whenever I’m alone. This has been happening way too frequently huhu)
– Too many demands on their time
I’d point out a situation but I figured I’d just come off as selfish. Hehe.
– Small-talk
Me whenever I pass by somebody familiar/Me whenever I pass by a workmate/ Me whenever I see an acquaintance: ”Please don’t notice me. Please don’t notice me. Please don’t notice me.”
– A lack of authenticity from others
Or lack of passion? Or simply a lack of.... depth? Lol.
– Having their creativity stifled
Something I haven’t really thought about but yeah.
– Having to focus too extensively on sensory/concrete details
Stop making me nauseus. Lol.
– Criticism or confrontation
Here comes the inevitable eye roll. I can’t help it.
– Fear that they might lose someone or something (relationship/task, etc,..)
I’m literally always obsessing over this? And baffles my performance, engagement, and whatnot. :( This has got to be my #1 weakness.
When under stress, an INFP gets lost in internal turmoil. They feel caught between pleasing others and maintaining their own integrity and taking care of their well-being. Their natural tendency to identify with others, compounded with their self-sacrificial tendencies, leaves them confused about who they really are. They feel lost and perplexed during stressful times; and as stress builds they can fall into the grip of their inferior function, extraverted thinking. When this happens, they will do things that are typically out of character. They may become obsessed with fixing perceived problems, and righting wrongs. They may blurt out hostile thoughts or engage in destructive fantasies directed at just about anyone available. They also may have biting sarcasm and cynicism. They may become aggressively critical to others and themselves, dwelling on all the “facts” necessary to support their overwhelming sense of failure.
The Sunday Currently Vol. 2
(05.29.16) I got my zine portfolio printed today! On a Sunday! Thanking the heavens for UP Shopping Center! The last company that interviewed me probably thought I was giving away my only copy... I should’ve just asked them to give it back. This says a lot about me.
Reading
Alex + Ada by Jonathan Luna & Sarah Vaugn. The comic screams Spike Jonze’s “Her”--the concept and even the color palette. It came out around late 2013 so I guess this conceptual trend was pretty hot around that time.
I’ve been trying to catch up on my comics. So far, I’ve only caught up with Saga and The Wicked + The Divine. Saga’s great as always. WicDiv’s surprisingly good. I no longer collect physical copies because of budget restrictions (lol), but I’ve been thinking of getting trades.
Writing
I’ve been trying to come up with a List entry but I’m not yet sure what I want to talk about. So far, I’ve narrowed them down to music, film, tv series, and musicals. Maybe I should just make a list about my pop culture consumption? That would be lengthy. Haha fuck, I’m so self-absorbed.
Listening
Currents by Tame Impala. I’ve been hooked since I saw their music video for “The Less I Know The Better.” Also, it’s quite something to live by, really.
Thinking
Of getting a new game for my DS tomorrow. I deserve it.
Smelling
The faint smell of my toner. I’ll put on moisturizer later. Haha. I got this new toner from Lush and I’m pretty happy with it so far. Or I think I am because I got the large bottle. I’m impulsive.
Wishing
I’d stop thinking so little of myself. Wishing I’d get a grip and pull myself back up.
Hoping
I nail the interview tomorrow. Hoping for some good news.
Loving
a) My dog Frank. He’s a bit of a handful and is still in his teething stage but besides that, he’s clingy as hell. And I like clingy!
b) JESSICA JONES. KRYSTEN RITTER. KILGRAVE. DAVID TENNAT. I just binge watched Jessica Jones and now my heart hurts. Might as well binge watch Daredevil soon.
Wanting
ASSURANCE. SECURITY. LECHE FLAN. Jusko.
Needing
A hug. Somebody cuddle me to sleep.
Feeling
Relatively anxious. I just want a new and stable job.
Possibly the only three ~divine~ creatures who would never hurt me. L-R: Frank, Maz, and Anya. - - This unexpected freelance stint I never planned to do just had me caught up in a whirlwind of emotions. More than anything, it just gave me lesson--it's clearly not for me. I don't care if I sound like another whiny millennial. The minute I graduated, there hasn't been a day that I haven’t dealt with equally whiny adults complaining about self-entitled brats who never even asked to be born. Point of validation: I'm a love child. On a positive note, I am now absolutely certain that I'm not the type of person who can deal with uncertainty. Ha ha. I guess it's safe to say that I'll never be ~cool~ with dealing with people who come with uncertainty, too. Does that make sense? Does that sound too dramatic? I'm a drama kween. I embrace being one because I've always been one--pre and post my theatre days. Yet, surprisingly, I have a knack of cutting people off pretty easily! I'd like to call it a systematic process. Kidding. It sounds crazy but I believe/think I can read people. Not telepathically (I wish), but I can sense what sets them off quickly and I just sort of adjust to that. I don't know why but I'm just that kind of person-- always adjusting for people who don't give a shit. I don't, either. Not anymore, at least. Who cares about your mindless and pathetic 2016 new year's resolutions if you've reached some kind of self-actualization...in 5 months? Just start anew, woman.
2:30 am Musings
I ~honestly~ still find it weird that I have a boyfriend. I can’t believe we’ve been dating for more than a year. It’s not weird. It’s scary. Is it because we’ve all been so sad and wishful about finding “someone” before? And the fact it’s not always as romantic and tumbleresque?
If there’s one thing I learned about love from all the crazy shit I’ve been through/with this guy, love truly and really is a choice. I’d be lying if I said the thought of breaking up with him hasn’t crossed my mind. For all we know, I could’ve broken up with him months ago. He could’ve left me by now. But in the series of mistakes, ill-intentioned remarks, and half-meant i-love-you’s, I choose him. And if the day ever comes that he doesn’t, I won’t blame myself for it and I won’t blame him.
Yet somehow, it bothers me how “scared” I am to say what I want. I know I’ve constantly conditioned myself that if anything bad happens, I have to be able to move on as smoothly as I can. I have to be able to get a hold of myself. I have to be able to think of getting better for MYSELF.
God, why do I even let these things get into my head? I’m 21 years old for crying out loud.
Perpetually Driving Through Playlists
So... I made a lazy driving playlist. I pretty much just dragged some songs that I constantly have on repeat. It’s not curated at all, but in a way, it’s a glimpse of the music I’ve been obsessed with in the last couple of months. I also included a few songs that I’ve obsessing over since God-knows-when. Also, I made it before I headed out to the gym because noticed that I’ve been playing songs per artist. I guess it just became a habit of mine. I used to make nonsensical playlists along with dorky (and maybe trying-a-bit-too-hard-to-be-cute) titles since high school and I kind of just lost that.
Back in 2014, somebody made me a bunch of them. Note that no one has ever done that for me so imagine my nineteen-year-old self squealing in delight and in kilig. I swear, I melted. I even showed them off. Yeah, I was pretty pathetic.. Ha ha. I listened to them from start to finish--taking in all the lyrics, trying to decipher what he meant or felt behind all those songs. In the end, I think the playlists meant waaaay more to me than they did to him. And I didn’t like that. So I got rid of them. Translation: Deleted them from my official iTunes Playlists. Looking back, I hate what I turned myself into-- romanticizing every single thing that happened and clinging on to stupid feelings. I bounced back, though! Thank YOU, 2015. And that year ended pretty well for me, I think.
Anyway... here’s the link:
https://open.spotify.com/user/babsilog/playlist/0sJFspUnY9nTiWbo3bTwXZ
This 2016, I just wanted a new look. Looking back, the short hair wasn't so bad, but it doesn't look as flattering as I thought it did back then!! Ew. Hahah. But I probably just have to cut more pounds... Note on the "just" so that I won't feel so bad about myself. Ahahaha. Here's a photo I took a few minutes ago. I can be pa-cute all I can but I won't be as beautiful as them. Lol. Long accepted truth, bruh. 🌸🌸
Who says you are to stay?
Who says you are to stay?
How's this the easier way?
It's far from giving up,
Cowards never say "enough is enough"
Passion Pit is soooooo 2012-2013. Which were pretty icky years, tbh. Icky in the love department. (BUT I WAS A LOT THINNER) Haha. Funny thing is, whenever I listen to them, I just remember my past self (wtf) wallowing in self pity while studying for an Accounting quiz!!!! Buuut I am preeettyyyyy psyched for Feb 20!!!!!! Tangina, my 18-year-old self would’ve cried.
On a completely unrelated note, I’m making progress. :3 So this is good.
An old entry (around August 2015) about work.
I was so full of energy. How do I get this back. Huhu.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Employment…ish
Work has been… predictable. I knew the industry would drain me the very minute I gave it permission to suck me in. But, in all honesty, I’m enjoying it. Sure, I’ve lost some of “it.” After my finals exams and waiting to graduate, I wasn’t inspired to come up with anything at all. Even my creative resume was made half-assed. I was disappointed with myself but I was also dying to get a job. Labo. After a few weeks of bumming around (both the best and the absolute worst because deep inside, I hated being idle), I gave myself a push and took job hunting more seriously. I owe it to my friend, an HTG alumni, whom I’ve worked with during my internship at Movent, for giving me the news that this agency was looking for a Junior Art Director. Dream-fucking-job. If I had to start somewhere, I knew I wanted to be in advertising. Luckily, and this is an understatement, I got it, Long story short, I’m currently in a contractual thing but I’d take what I can get. Believe me, I’m lucky enough this agency even took me in. Plus, I’m the only non-FA-degree-holder in the Creative-Art Department; also, the only new meat (left) in the core team while the rest of the newbies are handling a tough account. One of my fellow newbie Jr. Art Directors left after a month. Guess he couldn’t take all the stress? I’d say he already knew it wasn’t the path for him. Sadly, some seniors labeled him a “quitter.” More so, they say they saw it coming. He was a hardworking fella but I don’t think he took the criticism and the late hours too well. Anyway, if that’s not something to be proud of, then I don’t know what else would. Haha. I HAVE TO TOUGHEN UP. I HAVE TO PROVE THEM I DESERVE THIS. so.much.pressure.jpg
Siguro Maybe
I’m proud of what we’ve come up with. I finally put these doodles to good use. It’s really incredible to put your art out there but discovering and meeting fellow artists is even better.. and experiencing it with the guy I love is the best.
People
I can read people. It hurts to expect. It hurts to be proven right by your feared assumptions. Whatever.
I’ve been rereading my Deadly Class TPBs (by Rick Remender, Wesley Craig, and Lee Loughridge) the past week. This comic, I really like. The art is heartbreaking (in a good way) -- that’s one reason, but I personally like the narration, too. To say that I relate to the protagonist is too much but, yeah. This post isn’t really about Deadly Class, but about how I’ve been handling myself ever since 2016 started. It’s fucked up. It’s deplorable. It’s unacceptable. It’s the truth. Haha.
Anyway, I’ve been dreadingly dealing with my self-imposed (really?) drama the past weeks. I’d like to think I’m doing pretty great because I haven’t affected a chain of people I care about. Mostly, I slash out on my mom and boyfriend--which is bad (poor them) but at least they’re just mini fights???? Haha this is me, trying to convince myself that I don’t drag the people I love too much into the storm that is my heart. Damn it, why is it so hard to just forget about stuff and just move the fuck on? Is it even possible to be so used to the “pain” that my body craves for it so fucking much. I sound ridiculous but I’m not even kidding!! I have this fear of being happy and this fear of constantly getting left behind because that’s pretty much what I’ve gone through in my teenage years. As if it takes one single thing to destroy me. I know I’m strong but I’m much more vulnerable.
But the moment I get hurt-- badly hurt, badly treated-- ever gain, I fucking well know it’s about time I push them out of my life. Because I know I’m too good for them. :)
“No one is ever going to fuck with me again.”
The Sunday Currently (02.07.16)
I got this Sunday Currently thing from a few of blogs I occasionally read--a few blogs that actually make sense and ones that aren’t too splattered with sponsored posts. It’s 1:33 AM. It’s pretty much Sunday already so I guess this is valid. I know it’s too early but I seize the opportunity to write when my body feels like it. Lol.
Reading - WicDiv (The Wicked + The Divine) Volume 2: Fandemonium by Gillen, McKelvie, Wilson, and Cowles. To be completely honest, I got hooked in the first few issues for a bit, mostly for the art, but, story-wise, it’s not that gripping. The random splurge of references that’s supposed to unfold in the series isn’t exactly done smoothly. I dunno. I stil keep reading tho.
Writing - on this private blog, bruh. I don’t even know who reads the stuff I make up in here. I don’t follow anyone and I almost don’t reblog anything here. I’m just “desperately” trying to keep up with my short-term goals because I want to be as well-rounded of a human being (or a millenial? Lol) as much as possible. Writing’s a good “release,” isn’t it? No? Yeah.
Listening - If You’re Feeling Sinister by Belle & Sebastian (from my B&S playlist!) Damn, I love this band. Please play on my wedding!!! Lol. If I do get married. Haha. Yak.
Thinking - of a more adorable way to surprise my boyfriend without freaking him out. Haha. We’ve hit 11 months today!!!!! A month to go before my first anniversary ~ever~ WHAT TO DO. I should’ve planned this months ago.
Smelling - the faint scent of Downy from my sheets. Meh.
Wishing - my boyfriend would officially (?? romantically??) ask me to his Valentine... Sometimes I hate how I’m still that hopeless romantic I was back in high school. No one’s ever done this for me before!! Pabebe, amputa.
Hoping - for a better year. Really.
Wearing - a tattered black shirt, cycling shorts, and my old frames.
Loving - our new bb cat, Maz. She’s been with us for almost a month! Kudos to me for adopting such a siraulo cat with (and for) my boyfriend.
Wanting - A bit more attention..... Lolz. I also want a trim and maybe get a fringe. Just give my hair more volume, universe. That’s all I ask. Might get dark red lipstick tomorrow! Just! Because! I’m pretty happy with the red-orange ones I’ve been using tho.
Needing - A mani-pedi. Damn, woman. Get your nails done. You’ve worst nails than a cavewoman.
Feeling - A bit lost, as always.
Clicking - Is this even necessary.
It’s embarrassing how petty this list is. And how I mentioned my boyfriend way too many times. Hahaha.
So, I start looking like my mom as I age, I guess. Must be the bone structure.
Mmmm, maybe I shouldn’t try so hard. This is the chance to be more chill and be less forgiving. Lol.
I discovered this a few days ago!! It feels great when you stumble upon such nice music on Spotify. So I decided to play this last Sunday morning with L, slightly hoping we’d get to slow dance to this song. Haha. Subtly romantic and subtly heartbreaking.
A bit "late to the party” as my boyfriend said. I bought Elektra Vol. 1 a couple of months ago.. I hoarded quite a number of tpbs because I’m no comic collector as he probably would have, uh, liked? So I literally just put it down and, damn, I regret nothing. Story-wise, I personally think it’s pretty... okay? The writing is good but the art is just breathtaking. I feel like I don’t deserve the a copy with what I paid. A couple of bucks and I get to keep this? Wow. What I’d give to have this level of skill.
We quit the room / Quit so our thoughts could rest / Rest them, I’ll never move / That’s when we grab a hold / Of whatever it is we fell into /
I’ve found my song. I want this song on repeat on my funeral. I want this song accompanying the closing credits in a fictional movie about me. This is my song.
Over the years, I’ve learned to acknowledge unwanted feelings/emotions just so I can get things over with. But, in the last two years, I’ve also learned to shun them away pretty easily. Took me some time to “master” this–and I’m not quite sure how– but I got the hang of it. I guess I’ve realized I’ve been feeding of my sadness a wee too comfortably.
To be honest, it sort of just resulted into a bad cycle of unwanted emotions and forgotten memories randomly “attacking” me on weird lonely nights.
SOOOO… To the past & future Babs: You’ll get through it. Learn not to quit, but to overcome. :)
Hi, this is my boypren. Animals like him. I like him :D