I can't tell you that I love you
I can't tell you that I love you so I reply to all your messages within seconds no matter how long you've left me on read
I can't tell you that I love you so I buy you drugs and tell you I was getting some for me anyway and never give you the dealer's number so it's always me you need to call I can't tell you that I love you so I whisper it aloud into the universe when I'm alone like a prayer and hope the force of my conviction permeates your heart despite the distance between us I can't tell you that I love you so I tell anyone else who will listen until they're sick of the sound of me I'm sure my friends would pay to never hear me say your name again and yet I can't tell you that I love you so I just keep my calendar clear in case you have the time to see me and no, I know this isn't healthy I just don't know how to let go of this beautiful love story that was over before it even really got to begin I can't tell you that I love you so I'll be your friend, I guess For once in my life try to settle for less than what my soul truly craves, be brave and strong and get along and try not to hope you'll come back to me like a tide pulled by the sea, try not to break my own heart over and over each time I see your face.
I can't tell you that I love you but I'm sure that you know. You're not stupid, and I'm not discreet and maybe this story will forever be incomplete and maybe in my mind I will spend the rest of my life rewriting it and bringing our plotlines back together in some perfect resolution because for me, the only solution to this puzzle of missing pieces in my heart is your hand in mine with the sunshine on our skin.
I can't tell you that I love you so I drive across town in rush hour traffic to pick up plants for your garden and try to keep them alive until we meet again and hope you will remember me every time you look at them, even when I am gone, and hope that something bigger and longer lasting grows from them than grew from our flash-in-the-pan romance and I know that you'll be happy. Maybe I will too, but I just know it was never like this, not with anyone else. I can't tell you that I love you but maybe someday I'll tell you that.













