It’s been awhile...
It’s been awhile since I’ve really used my tumblr account. I pop on every now and then to scroll through stuff, but I really haven’t been active in....a couple years? I feel the need to ramble a bit and right now this seems to be the best place to do it. So here is my venting. I have rambled about it a million times to people, but being able to get everything out in one go just seems therapeutic to me right now. So here we go... the past two years have been strange to say the least. Both involved lots of weird shit, but this past year was hell. It is the year I learned what it’s like to be passed around and ignored by doctors and other healthcare personnel. Back in May I began developing a weird pain in my right upper abdomen. It started one day out of the blue and progressed over a week and got stronger and more intense. I also began to feel chronically nauseous. That’s when my whole life was put on pause. First my gallbladder and appendix were checked out. Everything came back normal. Then my stomach. I was given extra strength ant acids and told to watch my diet and that I’d probably feel better in a few weeks. I began to feel worse. I fought with my own primary doctor to refer me to a gastroenterologist, she finally agreed and I had an endoscopy done. Everything from that was normal. I was growing increasingly concerned because no matter what I was still in near constant pain and could barely eat due to nausea. By the end of summer, I had been to the ER 3 times, had 4 CT scans, and endoscopy, every other GI imaging test that was available, only one ultrasound, and all with normal results. I grew frustrated because scans revealed a kidney stone and a small ovarian cyst, neither of which i was informed about. I was angry because I began to hear eyes rolling when I called my doctors office with concerns and bringing up that I was still in a lot of pain and could barely eat. I basically was at a point of giving up trying to figure anything out after my 3rd ER visit in august....when I was told nothing was wrong and that I should follow up with my “psychiatrist.” While this was going on, my manager at work luckily believed me and was on my side. Which was good because a couple co workers decided I wasn't really sick and was clearly faking it. Or that I was just going out and getting drunk every weekend, then complaining about being sick at work. I began to trust them less and less. I stopped talking about my personal life at work and began just hiding my pain from them all. Even the ones who weren’t causing problems. I just couldn’t deal with the drama that came out of nowhere and that had no reason to it ( it literally felt like I was in high school or some shit. I knew the specific people were constantly whispering behind my back and I could feel the vibes in the air. especially on days where I was really hurting and couldn’t do much more than sit at the computer and do clerical work) But my manager suggested things I hadn’t thought of because of the location of my pain. She mentioned ovarian cysts and endometriosis. I was skeptical at first, but when I kept running into dead ends, I looked into things more. That’s when I started keeping better track of when my pain was worse and what accompanied it during those periods of time. She mentioned my symptoms to a couple of the pathologists we work with (I work in the histology department in a hospital laboratory, as a lab technician/histotechnician and diener) and they both said it was very possible that endometriosis was the culprit. My doctor didn’t agree and chose to not look further into my pain, saying it was probably somehow a muscular thing and basically just completely wrote me off. Jump forward to the end of September.....I was having a horrid couple days of pain. I came into work and could barely stand up straight due to my lower back and abdomen hurting so much. I couldn’t lift anything, the fact that I even got to work that day was a miracle. My manager was not working, so I didnt really have a safety net either. I was told there was an autopsy that no one else could cover so I would have to assist. I began crying. Just flat out bawling. I couldn’t hold it back. I was told to just do what I could and let Dr. T. (the pathologist who does all the autopsies and has worked there for a super long time and was the head of the pathology department and lab director up until he partially retired recently) know what was happening. I still couldn’t hold back tears and began crying in his office trying to explain that I was in too much pain. He told me everything was okay, he told me to not worry about the case. He felt so terrible and I felt awful for making a scene because it was the last thing I wanted to do especially with the on going scrutiny from my co workers. He said something along the lines of “I’m going to make a phone call for you. I will talk to you after I’m done with the case. You will hear back from me and I’ll let you know what to do. Just hang tight.” He got me in that same day to see the top gynecological surgeons in the area. The doctor who specializes in fertility problems and reproductive disorders. I still to this day can’t thank Dr. T enough for that phone call. Every time he asks about progress or anything involving stuff with that doctor, I tell him how much I appreciate what he did. That day I went home with an unofficial diagnosis of endometriosis and was told surgery would be the best option due to how extreme my symptoms where. I agreed. I didn’t question it. I wanted a definite answer and I wanted this shit gone from inside me. I was desperate. Now fast forward to last Thursday (January 11th). I went in at 9 am for a diagnostic laparoscopy. I had so many fears....that they wouldn’t find anything....that things would be worse and they would have to take more out....that I’d lose my uterus or some other extreme situation. When I woke up from surgery.....when I was taken to the recovery room and wheeled in to see the faces of my husband and mom, I heard the most relieving thing in the world. They found endometriosis. They found it scattered right around where all my pain was. It was removed. I had an official diagnosis and a name to put to what has made my life a living hell for nearly a year. My appendix was also removed, along with an abnormal lymph node. It seems weird to be so happy about it, endometriosis is a chronic disease and it can very likely come back any time. Surgery is not a cure......there is no cure. I now am labeled with this for life and everything from here on out is anything to try and suppress the tissue from growing back and managing any symptoms that pop back up. And it is possible that I may have to have surgery again at some point in life. It’s hard to predict. But I have an answer. I have a reason for why I was in so much pain. Why I felt so awful all the time. I have an answer. I no longer feel like I’m crazy and I can look doctors right in the eye and prove to them it’s not all in my head. I have a endometriosis. I have a chronic illness. It took just about a year to be listened to and diagnosed. I missed out on so much. Slept so much. A lot of strain was put on my marriage and on friendships because I just couldn’t do the things I used to do. I came close to giving up so many times. The frustration, anger, tears, arguments, loneliness, pain, depression, doubt......here I am on the other end. Still recovering from surgery, but I’m optimistic and filled with just so much relief, I can’t stress that enough. This experience has been a roller coaster.....and it felt like I was never going to be able to get off of it. I have Endometriosis. I have a chronic illness....
