Question:
As an autistic, ADHD, Down, Tourette, or really any other developmental disability, what do you wish someone had explicitly taught you about human bodies, sex, asexuality, queerness, how to have sex, how to practice consent, how to recognize red flags, etc., etc. And a specific question, roughly what age do you think you needed to know this thing you wish someone had told you?
I would also LOVE to hear from caretakers, parents, and other people who bare the responsibility for teaching autistics - What do you wish YOU had been told about how to teach us sexual education?
Basically, I’m trying to figure to get a vague idea where sex education fails autistics and other people with developmental disabilities.
Note: As always, inbox is open for anonymous submissions. You can also send private messages if you do not wish me to publish your comments.
@autisticadvocacy @autisticwomen - What are the chances this could get a share?
(all posts will be tagged #AutisticSexEd and #NSFW)
Still not sure what’s up with my brain, autism or ADHD or what, but I know it’s something. Hopefully, I will be getting a diagnosis soon. Re: your post... I feel a solid disconnect between "flirting" or other romantic social behaviors, and myself. I feel increasingly stupid the more I am attracted to someone, especially people I don't already know, and it is difficult for me to get past that and actually talk to anyone I like. I get extremely shy, and occasionally isolate myself/get nonverbal. I once sat next to a guy I was very attracted to for something like two hours (while we watched a movie together, in my house), and even tho he was giving me physical cues and we were both clearly interested... I just felt frozen, unsure of what to do. I barely said anything, and I was convinced after he left that I'd inadvertently turned him away. I have no idea what he thought about it, but I know I acted very strangely. I do this unwillingly; it makes me miserable, but I’m not sure how to get around it.
I usually want physical touch more than most people are willing to provide, and feel touch-starved if left alone for too long. Sensory overload/overstimulation happens occasionally, but sex is a feeling I at least enjoy? So it's not as bad a feeling as say... when I get angry. My skin is rather sensitive by nature, so I find that my “erogenous” zones are just my whole body. (Sometimes. Occasionally I do NOT want to be touched at all.)
It took me a while to really grasp the concept of red flags and consent issues. I find it hard to speak up in certain sexual/sexually-charged situations (like I said before, I freeze up and get nonverbal). I still have problems with this, but open communication from a partner and encouragement to speak up more has helped me feel more comfortable lately.
I have NO IDEA how to go about exploring my queer identity as an adult. I am happily pansexual but I haven't *dated* anyone besides cis (mainly straight) men since high school, despite being more consistently attracted to women/femmes, and androgyny. The nonverbal/freeze habit coupled with my lack of experience makes it extremely difficult to even start up that conversation, and I would have no idea how to approach the physical aspect of that kind of relationship. I want to, but it’s very hard to get past that mental blockage.
As far as age I wish I’d been told, any age really? I still as an adult don’t really “Get It”. I feel that the sex ed we got in school was definitely more about prevention than anything else. “Don’t get pregnant, here’s how.” “Don’t get an STD, here’s how.” “Don’t be irresponsible, have safe sex. Here’s how.” Rather than discuss with us what sex was, or pleasure in relation to that, they basically re-worded that line about “Don’t have sex or you will get pregnant and die.”
