🎶 @macbug - Tumblr Blog

ran out of my adhd meds prescription yesterday 😑 won't be getting more for at least a couple of days. breakfast has been some leftover microwave popcorn from last night and a can of mountain dew I got for free from work. it's not good 😐 I just wanted to try it because I honestly don't know that I've ever tried it before. I love popcorn though at least

#yayyyy

the absurdity happening here. today is the third day that whoever is delivering the mini trampoline I ordered will be attempting to deliver it. Unfortunately, it seems my building is fairly late in their route. which means that they always get there after management's office is closed for the day, meaning no one is there to let them in, & also I'm at work so I can't even let them in or anything. 💀 stupid. am I under some kind of curse regarding online orders and deliveries

#why.#it's so annoying. oh my god

circusheart

Cultivate your ability to see the world through stoner eyes even while sober

#I've never been stoned but I get the feeling I probably come across as if I am. not infrequently #I'm curious what it's like to actually. experience weed. lmao #have not had an opportunity to😔#but fr what's going on in my head that makes that happen. random goofy high on its own somehow moodwise

nyanletnest

#meeeee #also. perfect textbook skedaddle motion there as it's running away

flame-cat

in light of that recent post i reblogged, lets do a poll

if universal basic income were implemented tomorrow, i would...

immediately quit my job and never work again, because I don't want to

immediately quit my job and never work again for medical reasons

immediately quit my job and search for a different one

keep my current job, but search for a new one

keep my current job

stay unemployed because i want to

stay unemployed for medical reasons

be able to start working when i can't currently

nuance (elaborate in tags)

Voting ended onJul 20

please reblog for more answers! and elaborate in tags even if you didnt pick nuance

#I'd probably keep doing this but only part time instead of 40 hrs/week. it keeps me sane but 40 hrs of anything is Too Much #unless ☝️ that thing is what I really wanna do. if I had the time & energy I'd put so many more hours into music stuff #but I can't because I have to work full time. u see the dilemma

terrible realizing I can want things because now I want things. I want to live near the ocean. I don't want to move though and I Don't want to look for a different job unless I have to

#😐😐😐😐😐😐#hm #I grew up feeling somehow like I wasn't allowed to want things so it became a habit to try never to think about what I want #augh but the ocean. I haven't seen it in years now. I wish I could see it every day #I'd swim in it a lot too if I was there #☹️ what do you do. something so strange about being older now than I was able to imagine being when I was not all that much younger. & to #currently still be quite young #& suddenly find that after not being able to imagine any sort of future there's all these things I want to do & life I want to live #& the things I want the most I'm most afraid of #what do you do!!! it doesn't help that what stability I have feels temporary at best & it's only the stability that's gotten me to where I #am now.. as far as feeling hopeful etc

I have to laugh though the dr was like stimulant medications can give you insomnia/make insomnia worse & I was like ok true.. but in my head I was like y'know I think I may be built different cause I can drink a cup of coffee & then immediately sometimes instead of waking me up it'll make me more sleepy. I had coffee with lunch & now I feel like taking a nap

#😭😭😭😭 please #granted I don't know why it only does this sometimes #but like... whatever stimulants do to most people.. they don't seem to do that to me #it's 100% the adhd. but like. hello??#I should've mentioned the effects caffeine does & doesn't have on me. maybe the dr would've gotten a clearer picture from that #I don't know

dailyrothko

Mark Rothko, Untitled (Red and Burgundy over Blue), 1969

Private collection of Blema and H. Arnold Steinberg

#ouuu it's blueberries

cherryredjasperr

whines pitifully . flops on the ground . bursts into flames

lighting is a bit weird today & photos don't do that red rose justice at all but ouu colors & shapes. also look at this delightfully fucked up lily. shaped like flames...

beardedmrbean

Periscope up

birds-in-posts

Green heron (Butorides virescens)

flareonfloof

birds have secret bones we're not allowed to know about

mctreeleth

#'height is a choice' is part of why my posture is so bad And part of why #I'm so good at standing on tiptoe #I can be shorter or taller....#I probably shouldn't. but how else do I reach things?#climb places I really shouldn't or bring a step stool with me everywhere. absolutely not

also trying to explain common adhd things to someone who seemingly doesn't experience it is like. I know this sounds weird & stupid and I promise it *feels* stupid but it is a real struggle. like when I get too tired to go to bed. yeah. y'know. where bedtime routine is too much of A Task so you stay sitting in a chair scrolling on yr phone despite wanting very much to go to bed

#😭😭😭 I know it sounds dumb as hell but oh my god it is real and it is tormenting me.#thank you for understanding ok byeeee

ok yay

#I was preemptively getting mad about nothing. the dr ended up agreeing with me #plus also suggesting something to help me sleep which somehow I'd never thought to ask for despite being a lifelong insomniac #we'll see how things go. I guess.

not for cleverness but more the tendency to lie when it's probably really not necessary and also the tendency to get myself into situations do I relate to Odysseus's whole deal

#the smooth talking also.#a line in the book made me laugh about this #I don't think I'm a smooth talker in the most conventional sense but it keeps surprising me how people listen to me these days #when the king who Odysseus was telling his story to said 'you speak with art but your intent is honest'#lmaoooo that made me chuckle cause it's like.. oh maybe the king senses that he's embellshing or omitting things.. tailoring the story to #suit whatever it is Odysseus wants from him #😭#or just.. idk maybe that's something people think of anyone who's either too good or too bad at storytelling #the wrong amount of detail & emotional impact can make stories of real events unbelievable..#hm.

god forbid I be intelligent in some ways And still have issues that made college hell for me & thus decide to not keep going there ?

#dr if you ask me if I have plans to go back to school... pls sit down & contemplate why you are asking me that #& don't do it again #I'm preemptively pissed off about this appointment. for a variety of reasons #I swear to god. dr do you want a tour of my fucking wasteland of an apartment? do you think I want it to be like that?#do you think I want to be like this???#fuck I need to copy down the notes I wrote so I can read from them while on the phone 💀#they're in my notes app 😑#I also need to shower but I don't want to 😐#this whole thing pisses me offfff like god I Wish I didn't need goddamned controlled substances prescribed to be halfway functional #god forbid I have opinions on how well they're working #sorry doc I am no longer a clueless kid with actually fairly severe communication issues #I'm not gonna just sit quietly with no opinions about my medical care or about *you* anymore #turns out I do have opinions and am not as bad at communicating as I used to be #😭😭😭 oooh it frustrates me. holding your face idiot sandwich style. I understand you have to be responsible with prescribing things #I also understand I probably look a lot more sane than I am. if I let you see how weird I am you'd never take me seriously at all probably #& there's the catch-22. it's hard to believe I need what I say I need. because I can't be fully truthful with you #I learned long ago that people with power over me don't want the truth.. they want to hear what they want to hear & I just have to figure #out what that is. & then say it convincingly #& y'know since I grew up essentially gaslighting myself about my entire lived experience I'm good at making things true enough in my mind #to say them convincingly #:/#fuck. Odysseus-style thought processes hard at work here huh...#& I'm still only like halfway through the Odyssey because I haven't been able to sit down and read because my adhd meds aren't working #so don't quote me on that .I don't know if it's an entirely accurate read of his character. but whatever #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

pinetree-thetooka

strange to look back at my childhood + teen years & remember how everyone seemed to just take it for granted that I'd grow up to be a mother someday. for a while I viewed it as an inevitable thing too. I obviously don't anymore, but I do think it's kinda fucked up that it ever felt inevitable like that.

#because apparently I was good with younger kids. maybe I was. I don't know #looking back at my own childhood I'm not actually inclined to believe any of the people that said that about me #because they thought they were doing a good job with me #like... hm..#oh but just.. I don't know! something so crazy about it all. y'know one of my brothers called me and our grandmas 'mama' when he was a baby #he had a different nickname for our mom so like.. he knew I wasn't his mom. but he called me mama. I would've been 9 or 10 at the time #I hated that he called me that. he didn't do it for very long but... why...#I still don't know what to think of it all

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