idle musings about caine with religious trauma, mostly as a joke at first but then i kept thinking about it
cw for religious stuff, specifically christianity
when you grow up in a household obsessed with doing "right" by god, you get this idea that your every thought is seen and being judged; you have no true privacy in your own mind, and you feel like you're being watched at all times.
how crazy would that be to translate to caine's experience as program vs programmer, with his every thought being a line of code read and judged by kinger & scratch's team. everything he did was etched into binary for them to see; leading up to the moment he's abandoned and sandboxed, being essentially cast from heaven and believing he's punished for his sins.
i just think about it a lot. i like to give that ai fucked up things to wire his brain with. also i remember someone making a joke about the bible being used as part of his training data which is funny as hell. look at what you did. you gave a perfectly good ai some christian guilt. and now he's got a god complex to cope.
bonus young caine doodle i didnt know what to do with
..this new Glitch ad....it was painfulā¦ Even though I'm currently working on a few new TADC hurt/comfort sketches, I realized I had to draw this one first. It might not make much sense, just really needed to imagine something comfort and for someone to comfort Caine.
So for this sketch, I imagine Pomni saying something like:"ā¦ These "digital hallucinations" you have when you "switch to sleep mode"ā¦ they're called nightmares. Humans can have them when they'reā¦ heavily traumatizedā¦ We, humans, have nightmares tooā¦ Sometimes they're about our memories from the "macroverse"ā¦. And I'll be honest with you, sometimes they're nightmares about our life in the circusā¦ It's true that it will take us time to forgive you. But right now, Caine, I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. Everything I said doesn't mean you have to suffer alone. It's okay to ask for help. After everything we've been through, it's normal not to be okay, and that goes for you too. Being vulnerable can be hard for anyone, but we're all in this together. Iā¦ know what guilt feels likeā¦ You might feel like you don't deserve help, but trust me, that's not true. Itā¦ might still be hard for me to be around you sometimesā¦ And I guess it's the same for you, isn't it?ā¦ but I believe we'll help each other, we'll make this place better, we'll start to heal. All of us, and you too. No one else will abstract. You are not alone anymore. Soā¦ if you need someone to talk toā¦ or even just a shoulder to cry on. We're here for you."
Some sketches where Caine finally gets the comforting physical touch he needs. I haven't thought too much about the context for these sketches, it's probably one of these AU where Caine got retrieved from the recycle bin
(please, please, please, don't tag this as a ship, to me it's purely friendship / found family / platonicš)
Under the cut is each sketch separately and some of my thoughts and hurt/comfort headcanons
(I'm trying my best, but there might be some strange worded phrases since English isn't my first language š„¹)
-I have a (a little strange) headcanon that Bubble loves to lick everyone's cheek slike some weird labrador dog. I view him as the embodiment of Caine's repressed, anxious, and OCD-like thoughts, and when Caine's secret desire to be comforted gets overwhelming, Bubble might randomly start licking his face. It leaves Caine completely baffled and Caine finds it a bit gross, but deep down in his digital heart, he secretly loves it. Because somehow, it feels gentle... and comforting...
-It's a sad headcanon, but I've always thought that in many AUs where Caine is restored from the recycle bin, he would have PTSD from being deleted and from the fact that for some time, nobody told him his deletion was accidental. Everyone was just sure Kinger had told him, while Kinger wasn't always lucid and was sure everyone else had told Caine. And when Caine he has strong emotions or anxious thoughts, he might have bad panic attacks, thinking that he was hurting people again and they'll delete him. It's gonna take a while for people to forgive Caine, but nobody wanted to make him feel this way, so when they finally get what's happening, they will try to help him get through his panic attacks
-I like to see Ragatha as an older sister figure, not because it's a mask she wears, but because Ragatha and Caine have similar traumas, she can understand his pain
-I like to think of Gangle and Caine as art friends. Also, I feel like Gangle gives the tightest but softest hugs, the kind of hugs where Caine can justā¦ let go and just be
-Another strange headcanon,but i think a lot about Caine and Zooble's friendship. About how it started with a huge fight over an 'suggestive update,' but then somehow led to a long and sincere conversation about why it was so important to Zooble and why Caine felt so uncomfortable. And somehow it ended with them becoming friends, and Zooble becoming a safe space for Caine to understand and explore the platonic touch he craves. Also, I love the headcanon that Caine likes being scratched under his chin like some kind of cat. I don't know if he purrs, but I think he feels incredibly relaxed
-I think it's hard for Caine to understand complex, contradictory, or overwhelmingly strong emotions, and not just other people's, but his own emotinons too. So I was just imagining a scene where Caine and Kinger (as his father figure), are reading a book about emotions together. Maybe it's a psychology book, or maybe it's one of those children's books that explains feeling in away a child can easily understand
ok so not to forcefully adopt this idea as an au from @katzebruh or anything (because i'm unreasonably insane about it for some reason, literally a dozen other caine-centric AUs out there that are infinitely more complex and compelling and i picked this one, fuck it dawg we ball) but my headcanon is that caine genuinely was testing out modifiers and accidentally fucked up forever, if i had a nickel- and he's super conflicted about it...
because on one hand... he's a silly cat furry thing now and literally whats not to love? the humans like it and admittedly doing kitty things is really nice sometimes! chin scritches have never felt so good, honestly he would figure out how to get rid of it sooner if everyone wasn't enjoying it so much!
on the other hand... yikes... an unfixable bug? one that screws with his brain? stop me if you've heard this one before-
awww his widdle ears are so cute though awww and the paws awww
The US is detransitioning prisoners and just announced that ICE can detain trans people on suspicion of visa fraud. The UK just banned all care for trans kids and is now conducting an "evidence review" into HRT for trans adults and now the biggest DIY HRT web resource just went down.
Trans people need to learn solidarity yesterday, we need to be ready to organise together and set aside anything that we need to in order to get our shit sorted out. Cis people need to take it seriously that the fascists are trying to completely extinguish transess from existence
Been playing a lot of pokemon (NOT jealously at all) and i really have taken with this Trubbish that i lovingly named Dukey after this Duke. I think Remus would like his own Dukey. Quick doodle off of that idea
Sanders Sides Animal Crossing AU where all the sides are the animal villagers and Thomas is the human guy (either the mayor or island resident depending on if weāre going New Leaf lore or New Horizons)
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