Mewkaro

she/her, adult, rus/eng. Artist, my old nickname is Angelmewkaro. Multifandom, but now i have a strong hyperfixation on TADC

[mewkaro]

Just some touch-starved ringmaster and a gentle touch

When I started drawing this scene, I felt like it was connected to Moon, but then I began to think it could also be about the feeling of human touch... I just wanted to draw something soft....

[mewkaro]

(And suddenly,my first multifandom post😅)

Yesterday I went to the park and took some photos of my new Ragatha and Ribbit figures🌸(Taking photos of merch from my collection in beautiful places is one of my little hobbies...)

Right now, I have a huuuuge hyperfixation on TADC, so all my past posts have been about TADC. But I also want to gradually start sharing my art, photos and thoughts on my other favorite fandoms. That's why I want to share some of my older photos of other figures under the cut !

I just took these photos for myself and never posted them due to severe anxiety…

These are Cure Yell and Cure Prism from the Pretty Cure series, which I’m a big fan of

Next up are a few photos of Airi, Aki, and Frau from Robotics;Notes, my favorite anime

A few photos of heroines from different visual novels and anime (and one tanuki from "Monthly Girls Nozaki-kun")

And suddenly, Norman Osborn from the MCU🎃... (I'm not actually in the Marvel fandom, but I really love "Spider-Man: No Way Home" and I had a strong hyperfixation on that movie for months back in 2022)

And the last photos are, surprisingly, just the little adventures of a tiny glass doggies…🐕

[mewkaro]

He was just trying to make his creator happy, huh....

[mewkaro]

Today I finished beading Ragatha. I think her design is perfect for handmade! So now my beaded Caine is not alone anymore...

They are so tiny!🥺

[mewkaro]

I just got my first Animiniz figures! I can't believe I got the exact ones I wanted most! I'm so happy...😭

[mewkaro]

The Lover with a heart

[mewkaro]

I really enjoy seeing merch collections for my favorite fandoms, so I want to show off my little TADC collection😅

[mewkaro]

Good morning, good afternoon and good evening everyone, I drew part two of these sketches... And just like before, the main themes here are "Caine getting positive physical touch" and Hurt/Comfort. This time some of the sketches are a bit more emotionally heavy.

(Also, please, please if you can don't tag as ships...To me, it’s all is purely found family/ friends/siblings/ platonic)

Under the cut is each sketch separately and and a bunch of my thoughts about these scenes (And there’s A LOT of emotional overthinking and Hurt/comfort, guys). Many of my thoughts connected to ep 9, so there will be spoilers

(Just the usual disclaimer that English is not my first language, so I’m really sorry if some phrases sound strange or if I use words incorrectly. I usually write in my native language first, and then I try my best, spending hours with a bunch of translators and using my school knowledge to put together an understandable text...🥹i'm really nervous because the more text I write, the higher the chances of making really silly mistakes…)

So, the sketch in the top right corner with Ragatha and Caine, and the one with Caine, Pomni, and the abstraction, are about going through a heavy sense of guilt. When you have a kind heart (and I believe Caine's heart is very kind), guilt can be absolutely crushing, and not to mention he is still learning to understand human emotions and is still exploring his own emotions. Thinking about this hurts me so much, which is why I drew these scenes

For a sketch with Ragatha, I imagine a scene where Caine comes to talk to Ragatha one-on-one. This takes place probably a few months after ep 9. (I actually think Caine needs to have a sincere, one-on-one talk with each of the humans, and there are things the humans should apologize to Caine for, too). It's hard to say why I chose Ragatha, maybe it's because she seems to have been the first human to enter the circus who isn't Caine's creator, or maybe it's because she and Caine share similar trauma. I imagine a scene where he apologizes to Ragatha i but the guilt is so overwhelming that he breaks down and, through tears, says he believes he doesn't actually deserve forgiveness. Ragatha really needed to hear this apology from him, to hear that someone who hurt her is deeply sorry, unlike her mother. But Caine is also her dear friend, and she doesn't want him to hate himself. Knowing he needs to let it all out, she gently holds his hands, listens, and tries to help him steady his breathing. They are both an absolute emotional mess, but they will feel better after this.

Next, that sketch with Pomni...I imagine that Pomni and Kinger spend a lot of time in The Aquarium to cope with the feeling of losing loved ones. But Caine visits The Aquarium very rarely. When Pomni notices him, he is sitting on a bench in the shadows, trying to look as small and quiet as possible. He looks away as if he feels ashamed to be there. Pomni doesn't know whether he only visits the abstracted when others aren't looking, or if he feels he has no right to come to them. He always sits on the bench and never approaches the aquariums themselves. Pomni still has complicated feelings toward him, but she doesn't want to leave anyone alone anymore, so she tries to talk. I don't remember the username, but I read someone once saying that Caine’s perception of abstraction is similar to how a child perceives death if no one explained to them what death is. I also have my own thought that Caine's perception of abstractions before ep 9 shows how helpless he actually feels around humans. From his perspective, they are the ones making the choice to stay with him or leave, to abstract, and he can only accept this choice.

I imagine that Pomni and Caine will start meeting in The Aquarium sometimes to quietly talk about all these feelings. Pomni will learn what abstraction meant to Caine in the past, and Caine will be able to better understand and realize the feeling of grief by learning about Pomni’s grief over Jax. Sometimes I imagine them returning from The Aquarium to the Сircus, walking slowly and quietly, and holding hands for a while. At some point, Pomni realizes that Caine is ready to approach the aquarium glass. I imagine her gently placing a hand on his back to guide him to the aquarium. And finally… he finds the strength to talk to the abstractions. To me, it seems like it would feel like a confession...And Pomni is there because if Caine were left alone with all those all-seeing eyes of the abstractions looking at him, he would break.

Next, I want to talk about the sketches with Caine and Kinger… I feel like it will take some time for Kinger to start viewing Caine not just as his creation, but also as his son, but once he accepts it, he will do everything to fix the mistakes of the past and help Caine overcome his traumas. The sketch where Caine and Kinger are creating a geometric shape together reminds me of the scene from episode 9 where Kinger taught Pomni how to create objects. But here, it’s not about teaching, it’s more like therapy. I think deep down Caine is still terrified of disappointing his creator and not being good enough, especially now that he doesn't have the power of the blue AI. But Kinger is right there beside him, gently holding his shaking hands and telling him that no matter what geometric shape Caine creates, Kinger won't judge him, and that he can just be himself.

In the second sketch Caine is telling Kinger how his day went. I think having someone who listens is incredibly important for Caine because, in all the years leading up to the finale, there was no such person in his life. I also think that due to severe anxiety and guilt, he will heavily suppress and mask his emotions after the finale, and I want Kinger to show him that it's okay to express emotions and that he doesn't have to be afraid to be himself. I think Caine is a bit overwhelmed with positive emotions here and he is close to blue-screening, so Kinger gently rubs his palm to ground him emotionally.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how Caine, who loves humans so much and tries so hard to understand them, has probably never heard a real human heartbeat. When I think about it, I feel so many emotions. I imagined a scene where Zooble would add a heartbeat to Zooble`s avatar to feel more comfortable in digital body. Caine experiences mixed emotions because of this, as it’s another thing he didn’t think of in the past and failed to give to the humans. But besides these complex, conflicting emotions, he also feels curiosity. Zooble sighs but lets him listen to their heartbeat, and… oh. Caine doesn't understand what he feels… It is gentle, and beautiful, and somehow sad, as if he had been in the dark and someone handed him the warm light of a candle, as if he had missed this sound for so long. Caine quietly asks Zooble if he can stay like this for just a little longer. He probably falls asleep like that.

Next, I want to talk about the sketch with Pomni, Caine, and a big plush bee. I know that Pomni doesn't like being touched, and I imagine she has days when she especially dislikes any touch. On days like that, she and Caine somehow came up with their own little ritual: if Caine needs comfort , they lie down together on a pillow or a large plush toy, or they sit next to each other holding the plush bee toy without actually touching each other and just talk quietly.

The last sketch I wanted to talk about is in the bottom right corner, this one featuring Ragatha and Caine. I imagine that if Caine gets access to real-world data again, he will try to study as much of it as possible, forgetting that he no longer has the power of the blue AI and unable to process all the information, he might start glitching. Ragatha finds him and worries, not knowing how to help. She wants to call Kinger, but suddenly she remembers her own childhood. When she was sick, more than actually getting better, deep down she just wanted her mother to be there with her and comfort her. So, after asking for permission, Ragatha tries to gently rub Caine’s tummy, as if he were a child who ate too many sweets, and somehow this helps. They both have complicated feelings: Ragatha can't stop thinking about her childhood and her cruel mother, while Caine embarrassedly confesses that right now Ragatha somehow reminds him of Queenie. He still doesn't understand a lot about humans, he can't fully understand what "mother figure"' is , and he doesn't know how to express his emotions. That's the kind of scene I imagine....

[mewkaro]

..this new Glitch ad....it was painful… Even though I'm currently working on a few new TADC hurt/comfort sketches, I realized I had to draw this one first. It might not make much sense, just really needed to imagine something comfort and for someone to comfort Caine.

So for this sketch, I imagine Pomni saying something like:"… These "digital hallucinations" you have when you "switch to sleep mode"… they're called nightmares. Humans can have them when they're… heavily traumatized… We, humans, have nightmares too… Sometimes they're about our memories from the "macroverse"…. And I'll be honest with you, sometimes they're nightmares about our life in the circus… It's true that it will take us time to forgive you. But right now, Caine, I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. Everything I said doesn't mean you have to suffer alone. It's okay to ask for help. After everything we've been through, it's normal not to be okay, and that goes for you too. Being vulnerable can be hard for anyone, but we're all in this together. I… know what guilt feels like… You might feel like you don't deserve help, but trust me, that's not true. It… might still be hard for me to be around you sometimes… And I guess it's the same for you, isn't it?… but I believe we'll help each other, we'll make this place better, we'll start to heal. All of us, and you too. No one else will abstract. You are not alone anymore. So… if you need someone to talk to… or even just a shoulder to cry on. We're here for you."

[mewkaro]

A kiss on the forehead

"… I know and I still love you"

😭😭😭😭😭

OMG!! OMG!! I watched episode 9 a few hours ago (I was so excited for the premiere that I woke up at 5 AM...)and have SO MANY strong emotions, my head is literally spinning! There were so many moments that I loved! And so many moments that I have complex feelings about… But anyway! I have so much inspiration to draw more!!!

My absolute favorite moment in this episode is the dialogue between Caine and Moon!!! It’s just… so soft… So comforting…. its only a couple of phrases...... but this moment literally had me in tears.....

Under the cut are some of my thoughts on platonic BlueTooth

To be honest, I don’t ship them as a romantic couple, you know, with mutual love, and dating… I headcanon that Caine is scared of Moon’s romantic love for him… But honestly, that’s only part of his problem with Moon. I feel like even though Caine tried to prove to everyone how wonderful and amazing his creations and adventures are, deep down he didn't believe it . Deep down, he felt incapable of making anything genuinely good, viewing everything he did as flawed, unworthy, and broken. That’s why Moon’s feelings for him, which he didn’t program, are perceived by him as just more proof that something is wrong with his creations. But as he slowly begins to heal, he also is slowly learning how to love himself and his creations. He learns to trust people and Moon, to open up more. He learns to accept her tender, forgiving love, even when he feels like he doesn't deserve it. He may never reciprocate her romantic feelings, but he will love her in his own way. It’s going to be something about trust and vulnerability.

[mewkaro]

Some sketches where Caine finally gets the comforting physical touch he needs. I haven't thought too much about the context for these sketches, it's probably one of these AU where Caine got retrieved from the recycle bin

(please, please, please, don't tag this as a ship, to me it's purely friendship / found family / platonic🙏)

Under the cut is each sketch separately and some of my thoughts and hurt/comfort headcanons

(I'm trying my best, but there might be some strange worded phrases since English isn't my first language 🥹)

-I have a (a little strange) headcanon that Bubble loves to lick everyone's cheek slike some weird labrador dog. I view him as the embodiment of Caine's repressed, anxious, and OCD-like thoughts, and when Caine's secret desire to be comforted gets overwhelming, Bubble might randomly start licking his face. It leaves Caine completely baffled and Caine finds it a bit gross, but deep down in his digital heart, he secretly loves it. Because somehow, it feels gentle... and comforting...

-It's a sad headcanon, but I've always thought that in many AUs where Caine is restored from the recycle bin, he would have PTSD from being deleted and from the fact that for some time, nobody told him his deletion was accidental. Everyone was just sure Kinger had told him, while Kinger wasn't always lucid and was sure everyone else had told Caine. And when Caine he has strong emotions or anxious thoughts, he might have bad panic attacks, thinking that he was hurting people again and they'll delete him. It's gonna take a while for people to forgive Caine, but nobody wanted to make him feel this way, so when they finally get what's happening, they will try to help him get through his panic attacks

-I like to see Ragatha as an older sister figure, not because it's a mask she wears, but because Ragatha and Caine have similar traumas, she can understand his pain

-I like to think of Gangle and Caine as art friends. Also, I feel like Gangle gives the tightest but softest hugs, the kind of hugs where Caine can just… let go and just be

-Another strange headcanon,but i think a lot about Caine and Zooble's friendship. About how it started with a huge fight over an 'suggestive update,' but then somehow led to a long and sincere conversation about why it was so important to Zooble and why Caine felt so uncomfortable. And somehow it ended with them becoming friends, and Zooble becoming a safe space for Caine to understand and explore the platonic touch he craves. Also, I love the headcanon that Caine likes being scratched under his chin like some kind of cat. I don't know if he purrs, but I think he feels incredibly relaxed

-I think it's hard for Caine to understand complex, contradictory, or overwhelmingly strong emotions, and not just other people's, but his own emotinons too. So I was just imagining a scene where Caine and Kinger (as his father figure), are reading a book about emotions together. Maybe it's a psychology book, or maybe it's one of those children's books that explains feeling in away a child can easily understand

[mewkaro]

"Today's adventure is… Ragatha and Caine give each other a hug."

It’s a little moment inspired by the fic "The Suggestion Box Prompt" by @mistahkinganubis

I absolutely adore Caine and Ragatha friendship and love headcanon that they both platonically touch-starved....

[erabut4xcrazy]

SAFE ANTI SPOILER SPACE TADC

Repost if your account is a safe anti spoiler place of Tadc, We shall NOT spread spoilers of EP 9 till it comes out on YouTube. Lets make This last experience enjoyable for everyone!

[mewkaro]

This may be a too late, but I really wanted to draw something to celebratethe ending of one of my favorite TADC fic -"The Psychology of a Broken AI" by @the-spam-specialist , It's so hard for me to explain my emotions when English isn't my first language , but I love this fanfic so much... My heart ached so much for Pomni and Caine, and their friendship, emotional support, and deep understanding of each other was just so heartwarming

So, @the-spam-specialist and @water-dragon0 ,thank you so much for ""The Psychology of a Broken AI"!! And i'm so excited and can't wait for "Human at Heart "!

[mewkaro]

....I just want to give Caine the experience of a good, long cry in the caring hands of his father creator...

[mewkaro]

A small sketch for @lover-without-a-heart `s amazing ask blog project.The final of the project made me.... so emotional....

Sweet dreams, Caine and Abel....

[mewkaro]

"not so different"