vignette aesthetic

trans - 29 - gold coast

[maddys-corner]

I trialled and I failed but it’s good to let it go

[maddys-corner]

numbness.

pain.

a match made in heaven.

[maddys-corner]

why are suicidal thoughts so fucking omnipresent. I’m fucking sick of this.

[maddys-corner]

I got a camera for Christmas.

[maddys-corner]

a dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets

[maddys-corner]

pre hrt

[maddys-corner]

[maddys-corner]

my lil boi bowie

[maddys-corner]

I fucking hate myself.

I just want to die today.

[maddys-corner]

Welcome to black England,

Can’t get a job can’t keep one,

Mum couldn’t afford to buy me school shoes

So I got kicked out,

Some black kids came and stole from the shop

My boss blamed me,

I started looking for jobs

Then got targeted by police

For looking suspicious

But it was cold and I had to wrap up

Then I was told that I could find work

So they took my money away

Now I’m homeless.

I got moved on from the city centre

Because the Tories outlawed begging

Now I use drugs to escape the harsh reality,

That is my reality

How am I meant to survive,

In white Britain?

Welcome to black Australia

I was brought up by my parents

They didn’t know theirs

They fought for their rights

They tried to get jobs

They didn’t know their parents

Their parents didn’t know their parents

One of The oldest peoples on the planet

Stolen cultures

Stolen generations

Killed in cold blood

For 240 years

Systematic genocide

I couldn’t focus in class

I couldn’t focus at home

I got kicked out of school

I ran away from home

I’m just trying to find my feet

In white Australia

Welcome to Black America,

My ancestors were stolen

From a home I’ll never know

My parents fought for their rights

I’m still fighting for theirs

And mine

I buy food with what little I earn

I’m paid in fake notes

The police are called

I can’t breathe

Get off my neck

I’m dying

I can’t breathe

I can’t drink

the water from the taps

Is full of lead

Because a white man believes in money

Over people

I can’t drink

I can’t breathe

I’m dying

Because I’m black

Not white

In white america.

[maddys-corner]

Seeing the clothes I wish I had

Something I could wear

Without judgement

To conform, yet, without conforming

Decades ago men broke the mould

Make up

Hair dye

Hot pants

Tight jeans

Just a memory, it’s long gone

Not now

Not here

Man up

Don’t cry

Get a trade

Get a job

Get a wife

Have kids

Be a man

When I was young

I wanted to fit in

I wanted to feel better

I wanted something more

I wanted to know who the person was

Staring back in the mirror

Boy

Girl

Alien?

All of us teenagers just couldn’t wait to grow up

I couldn’t wait to get an answer

Gay?

Straight?

Bi?

Trans?

Queer?

Non-binary?

I came to the conclusion

I’m a lesbian

Trapped in a male body

I accepted my features

Though I never loved them

I’ll fuck my way out of this

I’ll get every girl

I’ll steal their clothes

I’ll play a guitar

I’ll break their hearts

I’m not worthy of myself

So I’ll make sure I’m not worthy of others

I’ll lie

I’ll cheat

I’ll feign my cockiness

My arrogance

I’ll let it Best me and ruin everything

Because I don’t deserve a single fucking thing

I don’t deserve life

I don’t deserve air

This oxygen is suffocating me

Living is pain

Suffering a death every day

Every minute every hour

Every fucking second

Because who am I?

I’m me

That’s the worst thing to be

But that was years ago

I’m over it

I’ll strut my stuff

I’ll wear what I want

I don’t care

Anymore you see,

Because, you see the me

I present as

Is who I am

And the me I see

will never be enough

But will always be what I want

In my head

[maddys-corner]

i have these moments where i panic

where i shut down and go manic

so eruptive and destructive

like within i am volcanic

~ Gordi

[maddys-corner]

i thought to myself,

how could you leave me?

when I realised,

you never stood by me to begin with.

and there I was,

just an afterthought.

a sad footnote in your life.

[maddys-corner]

take me to heaven,

hell won’t take me back

[maddys-corner]

i wanna rock your gypsy soul

just like in those days of old

[maddys-corner]

Supporting LGBTQIA+ people is not ‘political statement’, it’s a societal decision to make sure nobody is ostracised or discriminated against.

[maddys-corner]

wake up, look in the mirror

it’s a no for my brain today

you aren’t what you want to be

you’re still not

a woman.

back to sleep.

repeat.