A Mad Girl!!!

Hi I’m mentally ill and obnoxious about it Mad Liberation Now!! She/It-Autigirl-Call me MG (Meg)-DMs Open!! this is a side blog, can’t follow back sorry (Banner is a gray gingham pattern, profile is a doodle of a strange girl with pigtails and those swirly goggles, also gray)

[madgirlramblings]

Intro ya!!

[PT: Intro ya!!]

Hello, this is an anonymous blog for me to talk about my experiences as a mentally ill person and psych survivor! I’ll post a lot about mad liberation, the literature on that subject that I read, and maybe even some comics (don’t worry, I’ll add descriptions for my screen-reader-using friends)!

Some things about me

[PT: Some things about me]

I’m 18, and identify as autigirl (my perception of my gender has been greatly changed by me being autistic, and the autigirl label is a comforting way for me to express it)

I’ve been hospitalized for my mental illness, so I’ll talk quite a bit (complain) about my complaints with the system

I like to write! I have a lot to say (to everyone’s dismay) so you’ll never run out of posts from me

I’m neurodivergent (autism) and have CPTSD, and it’s an integral part of my identity

Please Interact If…

[PT: Please Interact If…]

You want to understand a patients perspective on the psychiatric system

You’re disabled, ESPECIALLY including those who are cluster-b (this should go without saying but here we are). Y’all get mistreated so bad and it makes me sick

Those who like comics! I’m a really big artist so I think we’ll get along

Honestly most people unless you’re here to be rude (but I’m always trying to keep myself open to criticism!)

I’m glad to meet y’all!

[madgirlramblings]

Crying because I miss my psych ward little sister. I’m so angry at myself for leaving her there. I’m a horrible sibling. I’m so fucking sorry, so so sorry. I was so cruel to leave you behind. I’d give up my life to go back and find a way to get you out of there. I know you got out eventually but still, you had to spend too much time in that evil place.

[madgirlramblings]

To the Psych Workers Who Want to be my Friend:

You tell me about how much you hate your job

You tell me how burnt out you are.

Was it from watching other

burnt out inmates-patients-never-people

Be kicked around by your work buddies who are burnt out too?

And you tell me about your new job lined up after this because I’m your favorite pet-patient-never-person

And you’ll miss me—not enough to free me—then you clock out and go home

And watch whatever you want and microwave as many burritos as you wish

Take the edge off after a long day of being complacent, why not?

And then you go onto the anti-psych hashtags on Tumblr and share your sympathy with us

And yap about how you wish things were better while the money from our families (if we aren’t paying for our own capture) fills up your wallet

You talk about how sad you are for us in our spaces and communities

As if our liberation was ever meant to be yours.

[madgirlramblings]

My paranoia has been pretty bad lately. I’ll get really anxious that people around me know all my secrets/things I’m ashamed of and intend to blackmail me (even some of my closest friends). It sucks because it can really get in the way of my relationships/make me more clingy and likely to sabotage myself to make them happy (or at least make them not hate my guts). I hope that I can learn to be less stressed about that stuff as time goes on. I just get SO fearful that the people I trust aren’t actually trustworthy—and will try to hurt me. It blows lol

[madgirlramblings]

hi! I've been seeing your posts on my dash for a while now and just came across your post about biid, and wanted to say that I appreciate your perspectives on psych abolition and it's nice to see another person with biid who has psych abolition beliefs

Thank you brochacho!! I’m so glad my blog can make you feel less alone. I hope everyone with BIID is happy forever🩷

[madgirlramblings]

I’ll be off to my first year of college in a month. I really hope I can find some other psych abolitionists/people I can turn into psych abolitionists lol

[madgirlramblings]

I’m trying to be more open about my beliefs in psychiatric abolition and it’s been very freeing to be open about such things when I feel I can safely do so! Like, I’ve told a few friends about anti-psychiatry and I follow some organizations on my IRL social media accounts. It’s so awesome-sauce, gang.

[madgirlramblings]

Jimothy: The God of Disabled Joy

Y’all have no idea how much this silly little raccoon means to me. Despite humanity’s preconceived notions about how disabled humans and nonhuman creatures alike go through life, Jimothy is loved by his fellow raccoons and adored by his human community. He’s truly living his best life. You go, girl!

[autism-thoughts]

[madgirlramblings]

I’ll get emails from Pinterest being like “here’s some pins you’ll love!” And then it’s all just discourse posts made by children who were never taught how to have a discussion with someone they disagree with…

[ibuprofenfan]

you tell a psychiatrist you feel a lack of control and autonomy in life and it makes u want to harm yourself and they go “100 years of the lack of control and autonomy place for you” and its like. considered a good thing by many.

[madgirlramblings]

SSRIs and the heat combined will kill me I swear 🫩

[madgirlramblings]

Started watching this one Korean TV drama (True Beauty) and the first episode deals with a girl being bullied for her looks to the point she nearly takes her life. I found it relatable, but I was kinda disappointed and troubled by how they tackled it in the show.

Like, what do you mean this guy starts lecturing this girl who almost ended it all over how people will miss her if she dies? I hate the approach where suicidal people in media get lectured about how beautiful life is and why they should choose to keep going.

When I was struggling to stay alive the most, my life wasn’t beautiful. I was being abused by hundreds of adults online and nobody stepped in to help me until I shamefully admitted I was being exploited. I didn’t need to just “look on the bright side”, I needed to be safe from my abusers. Thankfully I am at a place where I feel life is worth living currently. But I don’t think people who are suicidal need to change their perspective, they likely need something in their life to improve. That’s how I think we can truly help people choose to carry on.

[madgirlramblings]

If I’m ever in a room with a knife, some butter, and a loaf of sourdough, just know that I am going to become a very wild person.

[elektra-pop]

A caregiver who murders a disabled person is not "poor and pitiable"

That is a murderer.

[madgirlramblings]

Deep down I want to have a very muscular body, but alas I am in a family-environment that pushes me to restrict my intake to unhealthy levels. When I get to university I’m getting so buff, trust me.

[madgirlramblings]

We should be able to talk about suicide/suicidal thoughts online without being flagged or reported or censored, because pretending those feelings aren’t there doesn’t make life easier for anyone.