me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
It had been just over three weeks since Frank had fallen into a hole and then set himself about falling again in an entirely different sort of way over the gruff but adorable survivalist who’d dug it. He'd been a bit, understandably, distracted in the moment, and had been a little vague about what a “few days” meant, but he knew three weeks was probably beyond that threshold.
Ok, fine, he amended more honestly with himself as he smiled, watching Bill concentrate on whatever wild chemistry he was doing to keep the generators running. He'd been very deliberately vague about it because he was damn well aware of the fact that he was already stupidly smitten with Bill before he’d even tasted his cooking. And after that, well, Frank knew he was probably a goner.
Besides. Bill didn't seem all that bothered by Frank's continued presence. In fact, in the evenings after all the chores and perimeter checks were done, Bill seemed quite enthusiastic about Frank's being here. It was clear the poor man had been lonely for far too long. He was just as starved for touch as he was someone to show off his truly remarkable cooking talents to. Still, Frank wasn't about to coast along, trading sex for room and board. He’d meant what he said, and he had some pride left to protect.
So after careful, meticulous observation that didn't at all involve any inappropriate staring or flirtatious smiles when Bill caught him looking, Frank was confident he knew enough of the garage’s organizational layout to be of some help in picking up after Bill while he worked. It was simple enough for the most part, tools on their neat little racks, the leftover bits and bobs in their own containers in their own drawers, and the plethora of smelly and dangerous looking acids all carefully labelled went into the fridge. Frank could tell Bill was of a meticulous sort; it was likely how he’d survived and even thrived on his own for so long. Everything had its use and its place, and everything made perfect sense.
So it was odd, to say the least, to spy a toppled stack, more a mess really, of comics and magazines in the back seat of Bill’s otherwise pristine truck. It must have been something Bill had grabbed quickly on an earlier venture out of his safe compound and simply forgotten about in lieu of more important survival things. Seeing his opportunity to be truly helpful, Frank pulled open the door and leaned into the cab to sweep the dog eared and yellowed packets of pages towards himself.
The first small stack he grabbed contained mostly light reading about country living and farming, smart choices if you needed to learn how to survive out here. But of course, Frank couldn't fathom a time where Bill didn't know everything about survival, so he couldn't quite place why he'd pause in his efficient preparations to grab these. It only took a second, but Frank realised with a frown. It was probably quite lonely out here all by himself; he could easily see Bill grabbing these, hoping to spend a few minutes reading, pretending everything was normal, that everything was ok. Frank often wanted to do the same.
‘Don't bother with those,’ Bill’s gruff yet somehow still sweet voice startled Frank as he dove back in for another stack. He paused, a glossy feeling magazine in his hand and half sat in the seat to turn and look at Bill.
‘They’ll probably be fire kindling in winter,’ Bill shrugged. ‘Don’t even know why I grabbed ’em.’
Frank smiled at the careful way Bill always tried to seem so fully above it all. It was a self defense mechanism, he recognised, but Frank was hoping he could worm his way past those iron defenses and let him know it was perfectly ok to care about things every once in a while. He turned to sit fully, facing Bill properly, the magazine in his hand moving into his lap without even a glance in its direction.
‘Everyone can do with some light reading every so often, Bill,’ he told him quietly. ‘There’s nothing wrong with getting lost in an article about fruit conserves or whatever and just forgetting that everything’s gone to hell for a minute.’
Bill didn’t appear to have an answer to that. Actually, Frank couldn’t tell if he was even really paying attention. Bill’s gaze was transfixed on the magazine in Frank’s lap as if it were personally insulting him. As he watched him, Frank noticed a violent shade of red rising up over Bill’s beard and into his cheeks. Curious, he lowered his gaze and eyed the chiseled hunk of a man standing scantily clad and alluring on the cover and instantly understood.
‘Light reading,’ Frank repeated gently with a kind smile. He wasn't judging in the slightest, especially not thinking back to the rather impressive lewd collection of his own he’d had stashed away back in Baltimore. The hard part would be convincing Bill of that fact though.
He put the magazine on the seat behind him, as though to say give that thing no further thought. With a reassuring smile, he reached out and clasped long hands around slightly trembling wrists. ‘Bill, neither of us are Puritans here. I get it. It gets lonely out here.’
Bill pulled himself free, and Frank was worried he was about to turn away and flee. He was readying himself to hold Bill back, to reassure him, but froze when instead Bill reached out to him, cupping the back of his head gently, an odd, wry smile on his face.
‘Not anymore,’ he said so quietly Frank couldn’t be sure he’d heard him say it.
‘What?’ Frank blinked, somewhat stupidly, as Bill moved closer, ducking into the truck with him.
‘It’s not lonely here anymore,’ he repeated before closing the distance between them.
Frank allowed himself to be gently pushed back into the seat, shoving aside the magazines in the way, probably flinging a few of them under the seats. Frank didn’t care, not with the way Bill was kissing him. Actually, he was pretty sure he’d be having a hard time getting himself to care about anything other than this again.
-
It was about a week later when Bill shooed Frank out of the kitchen while he finished up the dishes that he slipped out into the garage to look in the back seat for the magazine. He didn’t bother looking very hard for the original one under the seats – there were others to choose from after all. He simply grabbed the most promising looking one and stole back inside.
He waited patiently on the sofa, cuddling into Bill’s side when he finally joined him. He grinned sideways at him and held up the magazine. ‘Up for some light reading?’
The look Bill shot him told Frank there would likely not be much reading involved.
Bill is sick, but he refuses to accept it.
Frank, however, will help him understand that he is no longer alone and that he now has someone to lean on.
Notes
Continuing my journey with Bill and Frank…
On AO3
Rating G - 1308 words
"Bill, for the third time, please go to bed."
Frank sighed at his lover's stubbornness. He tried to push him towards the stairs, but Bill would not let him and turned towards Frank. He was struggling to hold himself up against the wall and it was obvious that he could barely stand on his feet. His eyes were shining and his cheeks were flushed with fever, but he stubbornly denied that he was unwell.
Frank insisted, "Bill, you are ill. I'm no doctor, but even I can see that you are. You need to lie down and give your body time to heal.
Bill shook his head, still with the same stubborn look on his face, and muttered, "No, I'm not sick. And we still have things to do before tonight."
Frank sighed and rubbed his temples, "Bill... you've done everything that needs to be done for the day, I've taken care of the rest. The fence, the generator, the doors, everything is ready for the night. So go to bed, for Christ's sake!"
Bill replied, "Are you sure about the fence and the generator..."
Frank pushed him back towards the stairs and replied, "Yes, yes, I even locked all the doors. Come on Bill..."
Bill, clearly reluctant, began to climb the stairs and Frank followed.
Bill grumbled, "You don't have to come with me. I can just lie down..." He had to stop because of a coughing fit and resumed, "I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone to hold my hand."
Frank didn't answer and just followed Bill. As they reached the top of the stairs, he didn't even notice his legs giving out until he felt Frank's strong arms wrap around him, holding him tightly and his voice whispering into his hair, "You were saying?"
Frank led him to the bedroom door as Bill asked weakly, "Are you really sure that everything..."
Frank's arm tightened around his shoulders as he replied, "Do you trust me?"
Bill nodded and Frank moved his hand to his burning cheek. The touch of the cool palm against his heated skin brought a sigh of relief from Bill as he finally began to let go a little.
Frank stroked his cheekbone with his thumb and said quietly, "Don't think about it any more, I'm here and you can rely on me. Now come on."
Bill obviously had no strength left to protest and let Frank drag him to the bed, becoming more and more compliant with exhaustion.
They had to stop on the way to the bed because Bill was coughing again.
"Come on, let's get you to bed," Frank said softly, running a hand down Bill's back to calm him before gently pushing him toward the bed. He helped Bill into more comfortable clothes, and when Bill flinched slightly as Frank removed the holster from his thigh, Frank reassured him by showing him that he was putting it in the nightstand where he always kept it with the ammunition. Then he helped Bill slide into bed under the large comforter. Bill immediately curled up into a ball, trying to keep from trembling. Frank kissed his burning forehead before leaving to get a glass of water from the kitchen and some medicine from Bill's well-stocked medicine cabinet.
Having found what he needed, Frank returned to Bill's side and despite his brief absence, his lover had already fallen asleep. He was sorry to have to wake him, but he wanted Bill to take his medicine, at least the ones that would help bring the fever down.
Frank shook his shoulder gently and Bill responded by muttering, "... I'm so tired, Frank..."
Frank coaxed him to sit up, "I know, honey..." he paused for a moment. The term of endearment had slipped from his lips spontaneously and he didn't know how Bill would react. But seeing no negative reaction from his lover, he continued, bringing the pill to Bill's lips, "Just take this and then you can go back to sleep, okay?"
Bill nodded and obediently swallowed the pill and the glass of water Frank offered him.
Frank then helped him back to bed and kissed him tenderly after tucking him in. He was about to leave the room to give Bill some space, already glad that he had agreed to rest, when suddenly Bill grabbed him by the sleeve and whispered in a voice so low that Frank could barely hear him, "Stay...".
Frank, not sure if he understood, asked, "What?"
Bill let go and covered himself with the comforter, mumbling, "No, nothing. Forget it."
Frank knelt in front of him, pushing the comforter back to meet Bill's eyes, and asked quietly, "Do you want me to stay?"
Bill shook his head, "No, no. It's okay. Besides, you could catch what I have and-"
Frank interrupted him, putting his finger over his lover's mouth: "Bill, answer me straight, without any pretense or because you think that's what I want. I repeat, do you want me to stay?"
Bill bit his lips and nodded.
Frank smiled softly and replied, "Then I'll stay."
He quickly changed into something more comfortable and climbed into bed next to his lover. He was pleased to see that Bill immediately snuggled up to him, humming with contentment as Frank's arms went around him.
Frank was well aware of the reasons for Bill's initial stubbornness. There were so many choices between his reluctance to show vulnerability, his paranoia about what might happen if he allowed himself a moment of weakness, the fact that he probably wasn't used to having anyone take care of him and therefore wasn't used to asking. All this was obviously before the epidemic, and it didn't take a genius to realize that this behavior had long been ingrained in Bill. Frank held him close and whispered into his hair, "Sleep now. I'm not leaving."
Frank ran a reassuring hand through his hair before kissing him gently on the brow. Bill hummed again as he curled up more tightly against Frank. Once again, Frank wondered if Bill had ever been this vulnerable with anyone else, and his heart ached for the loneliness the man had both endured and inflicted upon himself.
Bill was strong, there was no doubt about that, and yet Frank had an overwhelming urge to protect him. To make him let down his guard when he was with him, because he knew that he could trust Frank completely.
Not because he was hurt or sick and had no choice.
Maybe one day Bill would get there.
A little later, Frank, sensing that Bill was sound asleep, positioned him comfortably and tucked him in before turning to the side to look at him.
Bill felt him move and murmured, "Don't go..."
Frank leaned over him and whispered, "Don't worry. I'm not leaving. You probably haven't figured it out yet, but I intend to stay for a very long time. You won't get rid of me." He hoped that Bill had heard him from the depths of his unconsciousness. If not, he would just have to tell him again when he was conscious and recovered. He would repeat it until Bill believed him.
Frank put his hand on Bill's, who held it tightly to his chest as he drifted off to sleep.
When Bill awoke a few hours later, Frank's hand was still in his.
He vaguely remembered tender words and sweet promises, but his mind was still clouded with exhaustion and couldn't sort out the information.
What he knew for sure was that Frank had stayed with him while he was sick, and that alone was enough for Bill. He decided to put everything else aside for the moment and cuddled up to Frank again, enjoying the comfort of his presence a little more.
That was really not all that much Frank had asked for. Bill still barely understood why he'd even bothered to fight Frank on his request. Bill had never been one to deny his Frank anything, and he didn't see the point in starting now with something so stupid.
And so he’d mixed up a new battery for the truck, prayed to whatever God may have decided to not forsake them that the gasoline hadn’t turned to water yet and ventured out to hardware store.
Much of the paint was a little worse for wear. A lot of it had dried up, leaving sad, dehydrated powders and gunk sitting in the bottoms of their cans. A few of them had been salvageable, however, so Bill dutifully loaded them into the back of the truck with some lawn care tools and paintbrushes. He secured it all down and was about to pop the tailgate closed when a bright pop of colour caught his eye. He sighed. That pot of overgrown garishly yellow flowers was just the kind of useless crap Frank would adore. Flowers were pointless. They were all show and no function. Of course Frank would say something stupid like brightening up a room was far from pointless, and that it was important to appreciate beauty for beauty's sake or something sappy like that. Bill hadn’t even finished the thought before several pots of flowers had been loaded safely into the truck.
Bill truly couldn't deny Frank anything. Even the things he didn't ask for.
With a bone-weary sigh, Bill grabbed a watering can and made a mental note to increase the number of rain barrels.
It seemed Bill was becoming one of those people who paid attention to the little things.
Bill is not a man anyone could reasonably consider a natural born ‘follower’. From early childhood he was always the odd man out in groups and games, the socially awkward kid with solitary hobbies and habits. He buried his secrets deep and let them make him peculiar and standoffish. He grew up to be the quasi-rude neighborhood weirdo with the big house and the shut-in mother, and when his mother died he became even more of a recluse.
Despite what many think about the ‘tin foil hat’ type that makes up the survivalist community, most members, from the amateur enthusiasts to the right wing nutcases, still do tend to be sociable in their own ways, and congregate in their own unique spaces. And yet, Bill bought his guns and studied bushcraft and pointedly avoided group retreats and attempts to recruit him to any cause or group. He avoided message boards and meetings and radicalization, and refused to listen to anyone besides himself.
And then the world ended and everyone went away and suddenly it wasn’t a question of leading or following or joining anything anymore. There was just Bill left, alone to count down the end times in peace.
For a long time there is no one. Then there is Frank.
Bill follows Frank. He has from the first. He had to literally capture the man in a boobytrap to get the drop on him, and even when Frank was stuck at the bottom of a hole with a gun pointed at him, Bill was the one playing catch up, frightfully off balance.
Bill takes Frank home for lunch, in part because he is befuddled by this unexpected event and in the cold light of day simply doesn’t know how to say no to something both he and this handsome stranger clearly want, no matter how ill-advised.
He cooks one of his favorite meals, and he tells himself he was going to make it for dinner anyway, that he isn’t doing this to impress anyone. And pairing rabbit with a Beaujolais is just common sense.
He serves Frank first… it’s only polite to serve the guest first, and himself after. It’s worth everything to see this stranger beam up at him like Bill had given him a plate full of rubies. If the Beaujolais is a mistake, a clue that Bill doesn’t want to obviously broadcast, he still can’t bring himself to regret it. Not when Frank sees, understands, and then appears to let it go so easily.
When lunch ends, Frank runs over the piano and all Bill can do is trail behind, too stunned to get ahead of the man rummaging through the piano seat and exposing Bill’s secret… the big secret, the one that is NOT that he has Linda Ronstadt sheet music.
Frank asks about the girl. Bill tells him the truth, incapable of doing otherwise.
Frank says, “I know.” Of course he knows. He knew before lunch, before the song. He’s ahead of the curve again, seeing everything Bill has spent his life trying to hide.
Bill is the first upstairs, taking his shower at Frank’s behest, but when he comes out Frank is already naked in his bed, holding within him all the secret knowledge Bill doesn’t possess. He leads, Bill follows. Bill learns the secret chord.
Frank stays. He is sunlight and flowers - bold and bright and warm. He careens through Bill’s life, dismantling and rebuilding it, and Bill watches it happen, and he doesn’t mind all that much.
They still argue, of course. They are two strong and in some ways diametrically opposed personalities.
When they argue, Frank has a tendency to storm out of whatever room they’re in, and sometimes even the house itself, as if the walls are too small to contain his emotions, all that lives inside of him. Where Bill’s first impulse is to retreat to his basement to process things slowly, Frank’s is to be outside, to let himself loose on the big expanse of sky.
And wherever Frank goes, what can Bill do but follow?
He finds himself having screaming matches in the street, and he supposes that makes Frank’s assertion true - their home isn’t just their house, it’s everything around them. And fighting or not, Bill’s home is wherever Frank is, indoors or out.
He chases after him, day after day, when Frank gets it into his head that they should start jogging.
It’s just another instance of Frank showing love - like repainting the house or fixing the shops - by paying attention to things. Noticing that Bill gets a bit winded on the stairs sometimes, that he’s a bit older, that he isn’t in the habit of denying himself meat and wine. Frank is taking care of Bill and his health.
Bill grumbles, and he’s sweaty and miserable, and there’s no way he can outpace Frank when they jog. But he follows Frank’s steady pace, wheezing, and watches the movement of Frank’s shoulders, those long, muscled legs carrying him forward… and his ass, of course.
He doesn’t mind being behind, following. Not if that’s the view. Not when following leads him to laughter and joy and kisses and strawberries.
He doesn’t mind at all.
And he doesn’t mind following Frank later, either, when Frank can’t run anymore. He doesn’t mind when Frank slows down, when he gets sick, when he can barely feed or dress himself without help.
He walks behind the wheelchair, pushing his lover wherever he wants to go. He follows still, the steady hand and slow pace, always just a few steps away.
It’s a simple enough task to be Frank’s legs, and it’s a worthy role for Bill especially. Those legs carried Frank from Baltimore all the way to Bill’s front gate, and they wrapped themselves around Bill’s waist and taught him, and they ran bare and strong ahead of Bill in just one of many instances when Frank paid attention and loved and took care of him.
Those legs can rest now. Bill can take over now. It’s good to be able to do that. He knows it wears on Frank to not be able to run and fuck and express himself the way he used to, and his heart breaks for him. He isn’t truly surprised when Frank tells him it’s his last day. He knows what a difficult thing it is to carry this.
But Bill never considers it a burden to push his husband’s wheelchair. Not at all.
(He’s crying, but he almost wants to laugh when Frank tells him they’re going to get married, because only then does he realize that he has privately considered Frank his husband for over ten years now.)
He watches Frank swallow the wine laced with pills, and he considers that sometimes it’s a privilege, a gift to follow. For someone who spent his whole life going against the grain, right now doing exactly what Frank wants, echoing him in a perfect chorus, is the best thing ever.
“Old means we’re still here,” Frank said once, and while no one ever wishes to outlive their beloved, it’s not so bad being the one who follows when you are only ever half a heartbeat behind.
He waits until Frank has drained the last of the wine, waits until Frank commits to this, waits for Frank to lead so that he can follow.
He then carefully, calmly, drinks his own wine. As he does so he is nearly overcome with joy, knowing that his greatest fear will never come to pass.
He will not die before Frank. Neither of them will go through the rest of life, or death, alone.
Always half a step behind.
He doesn’t know if there is anything there afterwards for people when they die, a heaven or what have you.
But he knows, as he takes Frank to bed for the last time, that if there is anything after then Frank will most certainly be there, waiting patiently for Bill to catch up.
Obviously we're all really focused on the cute/funny/happy daddy-daughter scenes between Joel and Ellie from last night's episode but I haven't seen much conversation about two specific moments: the moment after Ellie shoots and paralyzes Bryan, and the moment in the coffee shop before Joel shows her how to properly hold the pistol.
When Ellie shoots Bryan, and after Joel regains his breath, there's a few brief seconds where it is very clear Joel would love nothing more than to pull her into his arms and soothe her clearly panicked mind. (First kill or not, on Ellie's behalf.) You can see he's physically holding himself back from trying to comfort her, because he's just not there yet.
But then we get them in the coffee shop. And he's still not ready to be physical with this girl who's so much different than his Sarah but still so much like her, this little thing who needs him to help her and to protect her and to save her from the horrors. So what does he do, when he can't just hold her close and promise her it's okay?
He apologizes. He tells her she shouldn't have to go through this. And even when Ellie says it wasn't her first time, nothing changes. He doesn't change how he reacts. He simply realizes that the best way to help her is to show her. And he finally allows himself a moment of physical comfort in the only way he knows how—by helping her to protect herself just in case the next Bryan succeeds.
And my god, if that's not a father's love… I don't know what is.
Something that gets me about the scene where Joel tells Ellie to stay low and hide in the hole - the way he says "they're not going to hit you. Listen to me." because Ellie is rightfully on high alert, but she's not scared. She's looking to Joel for what to do, but she knows there is something to be done. She's stressed but not panicking.
Those words are for Joel. He's willing this into the universe. They're not going to hit you. That's not going to happen again. It hasn't occurred to Ellie that they might hit her, not really. That's not a reality to her, just a theoretical possibility. It's Joel this matters to. It's Joel who's desperate. Look at me. They're not going to hit you. This time, we make it. This story has a different ending because I said so.
Something I really love about The Last Of Us are these subtle little moments that showcase the real intelligence required for survival.
Bill wearing his hat in the dark during that shootout to keep the rainwater out of his eyes.
Bill didn't get shot because he was standing out in the open. The flamethrowers would have been too bright for the gunmen to see him. He was shot because he gave away his position when he yelled.
Joel seeing the bleach on top of the refrigerator, which is what made him think to look in the fridge for battery components.
Tess's skill with social engineering warranting an entire post of its own.
Ellie noticing Joel's hearing being shot on his right.
Honestly basically everything Bill did.
Like, they earned it, and you can see it in so many little moments.
Then you have Frank, who fell in a hole, and won the apocalypse. And I respect this dichotomy SO MUCH.
They were the first words spoken into the usually-quiet kitchen at just after dawn on day four.
Bill grunted in the affirmative, enough to acknowledge that he had been spoken to but not enough to carry on a conversation. Something Frank was quickly learning was his default in most situations.
“A working coffee maker. With fancy artisan beans. In the apocalypse,” Frank chuckled as he sipped from his cup. “I really have heard it all now.”
He felt rather than saw Bill begin to bustle around behind him, gathering the makings of breakfast.
“Thought you mighta left,” he said suddenly, so quiet that Frank almost didn’t hear him.
He froze, cup halfway to his lips.
“What?”
Bill shrugged, his back still turned to him as he lit the stove.
“I woke up and…” he trailed off, clearing his throat, the sizzle of fried onions filling the air.
You weren’t there went unsaid but not unheard.
Something panged in Frank’s chest at that. He had been surprised when he managed to untangle himself from those strong, sturdy arms without waking him, but he had somehow. Tiptoeing out of the room to go explore a little. It was the first time he had awoken before his vigilant host, and he couldn’t help but take another look around the fascinating, if somewhat unkempt, house. It wasn’t snooping, not really. He was just…curious about the mysterious home of the even more mysterious man, was all.
He honestly hadn’t intended on sharing a bed with him every night. Didn’t want to be presumptuous or anything. It just sort of…happened. But fuck, was he glad it did. Being in someone’s embrace, being held again, after so, so long of sleeping alone and scared and fitful, was…a dream among nightmares. And Bill’s arms felt safe, protective, even though he clearly didn’t mean to spoon him in his sleep and always broke away all quick and embarrassed when he woke up. It was cute. He was cute. In a grumpy, he doth protest too much kinda way.
“I wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye, Bill,” Frank assured softly after a beat, knowing that if he had any say, he wouldn’t leave at all.
Bill nodded at that, his back still turned, but his shoulders noticeably less tense.
It had been a nice three days. Like a mini vacation from the horrors of the outside world. But something loomed over them. Something big and dark and the absolute, very last thing that Frank wanted to discuss.
A few more days. That was what he had said that afternoon as he took Bill to bed for the first time. And he made good on his word, he wasn’t a whore who had sex for great lunches. He had stayed and helped Bill with some general upkeep around the house that it had been seriously lacking in recent years, surreptitiously cleaning up where he could, earning his keep like any good houseguest not paying rent. He was no freeloader.
But ‘a few more days’ was in danger of turning into ‘overstaying his welcome,’ and Frank knew it. He feared Bill did too.
“Storm’s comin’,” the gruff voice that was on its way to becoming familiar to him cut through his impending spiral.
“Hm?” he asked, forcing himself to take a sip of coffee and shake off those troublesome thoughts.
“A storm. A bad one,” Bill repeated, louder this time, as he transferred the onions onto his plate. “We’ll need to batten down the hatches.”
We.
The small word had warmth blooming in Frank’s chest. It took a herculean effort not to comment on it.
“Alright, boss, just put me to work,” he couldn’t help but quip back, as Bill finally turned to catch his eye, an adorably flustered look on his face.
Frank found that he liked that look on Bill’s face. He especially liked causing that look on Bill’s face. Whether in the kitchen, in the bedroom, or anywhere else for that matter. That look made him downright giddy. And he was quickly becoming addicted to it.
“Uh, we’ll—we’ll need to clear the gutters,” Bill continued, his voice a little strained as he went back to assemble more food on his plate.
Frank shoved down the urge to make the obvious dirty joke. But just barely.
“And trim some of the bushes and maybe cut down that tree in the back in case the wind gets it.”
He did his best to listen as Bill outlined his smart, responsible plan but found his eyes wandering to the expanse of his shoulders, remembering with vivid clarity how his nails had scratched a jagged line down between them only a few hours before.
“—right?”
Frank blinked.
“What?”
A plate was placed down in front of him, turned clockwise. A heady scent of musk filled his nostrils as Bill's arm brushed against his.
“Are you listening to me?”
“No,” Frank replied honestly, staring up into those large blue eyes. “I was uh…a bit distracted. Sorry. Tell me again?”
He let his gaze roam over Bill appreciatively, delighted as a gorgeous blush joined the flustered look he had become so fond of.
“The uh, gutters will need…”
He let his words wash over him, taking them in this time as he devoured the delicious meal, nodding where appropriate and stealing glances at his host in between bites.
They headed out after breakfast, the first splatter of misty rain darkening the early-morning sky as they got the ladder and set to work. The tasks took most of the day, with brief reprieves for a short lunch and shorter dinner, the sky growing gloomier and gloomier as time wore on.
Frank made attempts at light conversation with limited results and did his best to aid Bill however he could—holding out a bucket to collect the leaves and other gunk from the gutters, keeping the ladder steady for him, and just about managing to not sink to his knees in reverence at the sight of him wielding an axe and chopping wood like something straight out of his teenaged Paul Bunyan fantasies. It was a long, arduous, sexually-frustrating day.
“Get inside,” Bill barked at the first flash of lightning that lit up the sky later that evening as they were finishing up. “Get inside, Frank. Now.”
He didn’t need to be told twice, barely restraining a wince as a roll of thunder echoed in his ears.
Heavy droplets of rain pelted down on them as they raced back towards the house, feet stomping in the mud. Bill’s strong hand gripped his shoulder, steering him steadily and keeping him upright when his feet almost slid from under him.
Just as the backdoor of the house came within reach, an almighty crack of lightning splintered across the sky right above their heads, causing Frank to jump in fright, his left palm colliding with the rough edge of the doorframe.
Hissing in pain, he felt the jagged wood pierce his skin.
“Are you okay?” Bill asked as they stumbled through the door, his breath causing the hair on the back of Frank’s neck to stand up.
“Frank, are you okay?” he repeated, his tone a little more urgent this time as he slammed the door closed behind them and propped one of the kitchen chairs up against it.
“Wha—yeah, yes, I’m fine,” Frank forced himself to reply, his eyes locked on the large beads of crimson pooling in his palm.
Another hand appeared in his blurry eye line—rough, calloused fingers clasping his gently.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled, still staring at his palm. “It’s just a—”
“Go sit at the table. Don’t touch it,” Bill cut across him, shuffling off god knows where with an almost frantic pep in his step that had Frank puzzled.
Heaving a sigh, he did as he was told, carefully folding himself at the head of the table and grimacing at his stinging hand and the way his soaked clothes clung to his body. A slight shiver ran through him as his back rested against the chair, effectively gluing him to it.
Before he could peel himself off the seat, a movement caught his attention. Bill was striding back into the room with vigor and set mouth, slamming a small, dark green case down onto the table and taking a seat to his left.
“We’ll need to get you outta that shirt,” he groused, waving at his now practically-translucent white T-shirt.
“Oh Bill, you smooth talker you,” Frank couldn’t help but tease, pleased when the predictable blush rose on his cheeks.
“I meant that you’re soaked through. Last thing we need is you gettin’ pneumonia.”
With that, he shoved a dry, black T-shirt and towel into Frank’s uninjured hand and threw open the mysterious case, revealing an array of medical supplies—bandages, disinfectant, cotton swabs, gauze, and an assortment of band-aids.
“Wow,” Frank stared wide-eyed at the stash. “You really are prepared for anything, huh?”
“Hmm,” Bill grunted, grabbing a myriad of supplies. “Don’t mean I got somethin’ for everythin’, though.”
“Right, right, I’ll do my best not to get pneumonia,” Frank replied, awkwardly shifting in his seat to try and peel off the shirt one-handed. “I gotta say, though, I do have a newfound appreciation for Tammy-Leigh from college. How she entered all those wet T-shirt contests night after night, I’ll never know.”
He made several botched attempts at pulling it over his head before a loud sigh, followed by two hands clutching his shoulders, had him stopping in his tracks. Stilling, he let Bill pull the fabric up and over his head, manoeuvering his good hand out of the sleeve. Once it hung loosely at the wrist of his injured hand, he looked up.
Bill was staring down at it with an unreadable expression before slowly, and so, so gently, taking his wrist and pulling the shirt down and off, letting it fall to the floor.
Frank let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as Bill turned his palm in his, silently assessing the damage. Brow furrowed, he took out some sort of clear solution and dabbed it onto a clean flannel.
“Some good news and some bad news,” he murmured, eyes focused on his task. “Good news—no splinters. Bad news—this is still gonna sting like a bitch.”
With that, he pressed the cloth to Frank’s skin.
“Motherfucker!”
“Told ya.”
Bill worked quickly but attentively, cleaning the wound, steadily wrapping his hand in gauze, and securing a bandage tightly at his wrist with a safety pin, his fingers brushing against the thin skin of his pulse.
“What’s the verdict, doc?” Frank couldn’t help but ask when he finished, his brain buzzing with something. “Will I live?”
Bill let out a noise between a chuckle and a scoff.
“You’ll live. Your piano-playing days may be limited, though.”
A surprised laugh escaped Frank as he reluctantly took his hand back.
“Well, good thing between the two of us, you’re the maestro, then.”
Their eyes locked. That same unreadable expression was on Bill’s face. It was a little frustrating if Frank was honest with himself. He was so used to being able to read people and thought he had Bill’s number that first day, but as time wore on, he realised that there were layers to him that weren’t so easily peeled back.
It was kinda fascinating, too, if he was even more honest with himself.
“I’ll sand down the doorframes tomorrow,” Bill murmured before standing and heading over to the window to peer out through the drapes.
Frank watched him for a moment, drinking in his silhouette framed in the window, his heart aching with a feeling he wasn’t sure he could name yet.
He was moving before he knew it, coming to stand beside him.
“Storm’s pretty bad, huh?” he remarked as lightly as he could, staring out into the furious darkness with a furrowed brow.
He felt Bill step ever-so-slightly closer to him.
It was at that moment he realised that he had yet to put on the dry shirt and was standing there, bare-chested, in the middle of the dining room. And if Bill’s repeated darting looks were any indication, he had noticed too.
“Wow, look at me all indecent. The neighbours will talk,” he joked, making to take a step back to the table where the new shirt still lay, when Bill’s fingers shot out and wrapped around his uninjured wrist, halting him in his tracks.
Their ragged, mingling breaths were the only sounds in the room as the world thundered outside. Frank’s gaze lingered on Bill’s jaw, which was clenching and unclenching as he struggled to say whatever it was that had been clearly plaguing his mind since that morning.
“You can…stay a few more days. If you like.”
The words were quiet, hesitant, and just a touch vulnerable.
And suddenly, Frank, for what could’ve been the first time in his entire life, was lost for words of his own. So instead, he reached out and gently cupped Bill’s cheek with his injured hand, brushing his fingertips along his skin in thanks.
While mother nature wailed outside, here, a quiet storm brewed between them, one rife with the potential of what could be.
He wasn’t sure who stepped closer first, but their lips met in a chaste kiss all the same.
A flash of lightning lit up the dim room as Frank deepened the kiss, licking into Bill’s mouth and swallowing his moan. An excited thrill ran through him when Bill walked him backward, pressing him into the wall, between the window and the grandfather clock. Emboldened, Frank grasped his hip, pulling them flush together as he broke away to bite along his neck.
A tiny, winded mewl wrenched from Bill’s throat at that, his breath hitching as Frank straddled his thigh, pressing his rapidly hardening cock against his.
“Ngh, Frank—shit, I…”
“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay, I got ya,” he mumbled back, reaching out and cupping him through his jeans.
Another wounded sound escaped Bill as Frank latched onto his earlobe, nipping at it playfully.
“You are great at surviving, Bill,” he murmured into the flushed skin of his neck, reflecting on his impressive display these last few days. “But how are you at living?”
Bill could only offer another moan, his fingers digging into Frank’s hips so hard they were sure to leave bruises. That thought shot another bolt of arousal through him.
Forcing himself to break away, Frank's gaze trailed Bill’s face as he fought to catch his breath.
“What do ya say? Take me to bed?”
Something enigmatic passed over Bill’s face at that.
“Are my first aid skills really that impressive?”
Another surprised laugh escaped Frank at that.
“Hey, I’m not a whore who has sex for medical attention, either,” he quipped, raking through Bill’s hair and tugging in such a way he had been learning he liked. “But I gotta admit, that sexy lumberjack routine you pulled today has had me half hard since lunch.”
Bill looked absolutely stunned at that piece of information, so Frank took that opportunity to begin walking him backward, out towards the stairs.
“Come on, Paul Bunyan. Show me what ya got.”
~*~
The storm broke a few hours later, just in time for the early-morning sun to peek out through the clouds and into the bedroom. It was that sliver of light that had Frank stirring awake, blinking up at the ceiling.
“Good morning.”
He felt a pleased smile spread across his face as he glanced to his left to find Bill looking down at him, eyes still a little soft with sleep.
“Good morning.”
They watched each other for a beat, drinking each other in before slowly, gently, leaning in for a kiss, morning breath be damned. And somehow, despite having had sex not six hours ago, this touch felt more intimate, more loaded.
It had Frank’s heart hammering in his ears. It had the potential to be even tender if they let it.
Oh, no. You’re in trouble, Frankie boy.
“I have coffee brewing. And the chickens laid some fresh eggs.”
Big, big trouble.
“Sounds great,” he forced himself to croak back, trying and failing to shove down the fond feeling growing in his chest.
With that, Bill nodded and got out of bed, making his way toward the door. It was when he reached out to the handle that Frank called to him softly, halting him in his tracks.
“If it’s still okay with you, I’d like to take up your offer of staying a few more days.”
Slowly, Bill turned and met his gaze.
“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, his eyes crinkling at the edges as a tiny, gentle smile graced his face. “A few more days…”
In the end, it was 8,547 more good days, bad days, fun days, boring days, terrifying days, beautiful days, and everything else in between. But even with the whole world gone to hell, neither one of them would sacrifice a single one.
“I’m old. I’m satisfied. And you were my purpose…”
Okok something I noticed about ep3 of TLOU—when Bill and Frank are finished eating, Frank notices the piano, and he asks, “do you know how much this is worth?”
And Bill says, “currently, nothing.”
Because to him, in the middle of the apocalypse, things only have worth if they’re useful. But Frank, even after years of just surviving, still sees the value in music, in art, in things that are there only because they are beautiful.
And then we see them grow old, the house fills with flowers and art and paintings, and I like to think that Bill slowly comes to see how valuable all these beautiful little things are. Because they’re how we show love
Bill saw how happy painting and gardening made Frank and immediately went out and returned with a truck and trailer full of pigments and seeds and you will never convince me otherwise.