Ilya doesnât have the best relationship with sleep.
Itâs⊠fine, overall. But he knows that sleep doesnât come as easily to him as it does to the average person. It takes time for him to get his brain to turn off all the way, it takes a few tosses and turns to get comfortable. It can even be hard to stay asleep sometimes, the smallest of sounds or movements from a teammate in a hotel room can jostle him right awake at random hours of the night.
Unless he sleeps on Shane. Not even next to Shane. But on top of Shane.
The first time it happened was at the cottage. It was their first night together and Ilya had found himself curled up on Shaneâs lap in front of the fire, Shaneâs fingers soothingly scrunched in his hair, scratching at his scalp in just the best way. And Ilya was tired. Exhausted from the flight, from the anxiety of facing this large expanse of time he was to spend with the man he loved but had not expressed it, and opening up about his mother was the final blow, leaving him so emotionally drained that the flames licking in front of him just turned into an orange blur.
He wanted to stay there forever, with Shaneâs thighs pillowing him, a hand rubbing up and down his body with another in his hair. So he closed his eyes.Â
Ilya had no idea he had fallen asleep until he later felt rubbing at the space behind his ear on the edge of his jaw, Shaneâs voice guiding him back to consciousness. âItâs late, Ilya,â Shane murmured. âWhy donât you start heading to bed while I put out the fire? Iâll be right behind you.â
Ilya made sure to stay awake until Shane clambered into the bed ten minutes later.
The next time was only days later. Shane was sitting across from him on the couch, their feet pressed together, his eyes shining, voice wobbling as he said âDonât marry Svetlana." Ilya couldnât stop himself from standing up, gathering the blanket that had been draped over him, and flopping into Shaneâs side.
âIâm fine,â Shane had begun to protest as Ilya pulled the blanket over them both.
âI didnât say you werenât,â Ilya replied simply, squirming up against Shane until he could tuck his head on Shaneâs shoulder, forehead pressed to his neck. âMaybe Iâm just cold.â
Shane scoffed and looked back down at his phone, Ilya quickly scanning the screen. âAre you really reading hockey shit right now?âÂ
He felt Shane shrug against his head. âI know, I know. Call me boring, I accept it.â
Ilya grinned and snuggled closer. âIs fine. Youâre good pillow either way.â
Shane rested his head on Ilyaâs and began to scroll, and Ilya could do nothing but close his eyes, and let sleep take him in seconds. He was woken up again later, Shane gently whispering in his ear to coax him to bed.
âŠOnly to wake him later in the middle of the night, promptly kicking Ilyaâs ass with a detailed plan about how they could spend the rest of their lives together. Ilya passed out on Shane like a human sized weighted blanket, tears still wet on his face.
The sweetest time Ilya did it at the cottage was in front of Shaneâs parents. The day after Shane came out to them, Yuna and David stopped by for dinner. Eventually the group sat by the fire, stars twinkling in the sky, and Ilya could feel himself crashing. Between the sex and the emotional conversations, the amount of sleep he was having was not enough, and he could feel it. Shane and his parents were chatting around him and Ilya lost focus, leaning over his knees and staring into the fire, trying to focus on the shapes of the flames to keep his eyes open.
He eventually felt a gentle pull at his shoulder. It was Shane guiding him to lean back against the back of the couch with him, tucking Ilya into his neck and shoulder once again. Ilya wanted to object, but found himself curling into Shaneâs warmth, and closed his eyes.Â
Shane didnât wake him this time, instead the continued voices pulled him back to awareness. He kept his eyes closed and listened to the conversation, not wanting to lose the way Shane held him. Ilya began to realize that they were talking about him.
â-been really tired these past few days. Itâs been a lot for both of us.â
âI can imagine,â Yuna replied softly. âHe seems quite comfortable with you.â
âHeâs been doing this a couple of times,â Shaneâs grip on Ilyaâs shoulder tightened in a squeeze. âKnocks right out on me.â
âBecause he knows youâre safe.â Yuna said. Then, after a stretch of silence, âHe seems like a really sweet boy.â
âYeah,â Shane said after a beat. âHe is.â
It took everything in Ilya not to smile.
And it became a regular occurrence after that. Shane would joke that Ilya was just using him as a cheat code, since being on top of him seemed to magically make Ilya pass out in seconds, but Yunaâs words stuck with him. The safety that Shane gave him was unlike anything he ever had, and he took advantage of that whenever he could. Over the following years, Ilya would always find himself flopping on top of Shane whenever possible. Shane would be reading his book in bed in his adorable glasses and Ilya would press into his neck, read a few words of his boring hockey book, and sleep. He would drape himself over Shane on the couch, press his face into Shaneâs chest, and sleep. Once theyâre on the Centaurs together, he would sleep on Shane during flights because planes made him more nervous after the emergency landing and would rather not be conscious.Â
And as for Shane? Shane loved it. He loved every part of it. He loved the moment he could feel Ilyaâs body slacken, he loved the soft snoring noises he would make. And he especially loved when he would wake Ilya up. He would blink up at Shane so softly and scrub at his eyes, smiling dreamily as Shane rubbed whatever part of his body that he had access to. And Ilya would always tilt his head up for a kiss, which Shane would of course oblige. And Ilya would make the cutest noise on the planet, only reserved for these moments, where Shane wakes him up to herd Ilya to wherever he needs to be next. Itâs just the softest noise of contentment and peace, sometimes Shane would kiss him a second time just to hear it again.Â
So, sure. Ilya may not have the best relationship with sleep. But heâs found a human sized freckled body pillow that has made it a lot better.Â
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